TITTLEBAT 


WARREN 


. 


/< 


^Tittlebat  ^Titmouse 


Abridged  from 

DR.  SAMUEL  WARREN'S 
Famoos  Novel 


By 

CYRUS  TOWNSEND  BRADY 


M*ny  Curious  And  Diverting  Illustrations  by 

life,  capital!" 

(See  faff  r$j< 


FUNK  &  WAGNALLS  COMPANY 
NEW  YORK  AND  LONDON 


Tittlebat  ^Titmouse 


Abridged  from 

DR.  SAMUEL  WARREN'S 
Famous  Novel 

Ten  Thousand  a  Year 


By 

CYRUS  TOWNSEND  BRADY 

With  Many  Curious  and  Diverting  Illustrations  by 

WILL  CRAWFORD 


FUNK  &   WAGNALLS  COMPANY 

NEW  YORK  AND  LONDON 

1903 


Copyright,   1903,  by 
FUNK    &>    WAGNALLS    COMPANY 


[Printed  in  the  U.  S.  A.] 
Published,  October,  1903 


A  LETTER  FROM 

"Ebe  IReverenb  B.  TIGlalpole  Warren, 

SON  OF  THE  AUTHOR 


VENICE,    May   23,    1903. 

MY  DEAR  DR.  BRADY:  —  I  have  no  objection 
to  your  doing  as  you  have  done,  and  am  glad  of 
the  flattering  suggestion  that  the  work  is  sufficiently 
popular  to  deserve  such  treatment.  So  far  as  I  am 
concerned,  "Go  on  and  prosper." 

Wishing  you  all  success  in  your  undertaking, 
believe  me, 

Yours  faithfully, 

E.    WALPOLE   WARREN. 


2133629 


INTRODUCTION 

I  FIRST  read  "Ten  Thousand  A  Year"  in  my  early  youth. 
The  impression  it  made  upon  me  was  a  lasting  one ;  and  when 
I  happened  to  re-read  it  last  year  I  found  that  the  pleasure 
it  had  given  me  before  was  enhanced  by  the  second  perusal. 
Yet  there  were  many  parts  of  the  story  which  added  little  to 
the  interest ;  in  fact,  which  detracted  from  it.  It  was  loaded 
with  detail  and  clogged  with  sentiment ;  its  course  was  halted 
by  legal  disquisitions  and  moral  reflections  which  spun  it 
out  to  an  interminable  length.  It  seemed  to  me  it  would  be 
a  more  readable  book,  and  therefore  much  more  likely  to 
regain  a  wide  circulation  among  readers  of  the  present,  if 
it  were  stripped  of  its  verbiage  and  reduced  to  something 
like  reasonable  limits. 

I  studied  the  matter  and  concluded  to  attempt  an  abridg- 
ment of  the  story.  The  result  is  in  your  hands.  It  is  just 
what  it  purports  to  be,  an  abridgment.  Few  alterations 
have  been  made  in  the  text;  in  fact,  only  such  as  were  re- 
quired to  supply  necessary  connections,  to  preserve  continu- 
ity, and,  rarely,  to  explain  in  a  word  or  two  that  to  which 
the  author  had  devoted  a  chapter  or  more.  The  original 
work  was  so  full  that  there  was  little  necessity  even  for  this 
sort  of  alteration.  I  think  that  my  additions,  all  told,  would 
not  form  more  than  two  pages  of  the  book.  Practically 
all  that  follows,  therefore,  is  the  author's  own.  Even  his 
punctuation,  paragraphing,  etc.,  have  been  generally  followed. 

The  book  is  a  large  one,  even  in  its  abridged  condition. 
I  presume  that  I  have  cut  out  two  and  one-half  times  as 
much  matter  as  now  appears.  The  size  of  the  original  can, 
therefore,  be  inferred.  It  was  in  truth  a  three-volume  novel 
of  the  olden  kind. 

The  characters  which  have  given  the  story  its  persistent 
vogue  are  Tittlebat  Titmouse  and  Oily  Gammon.  They  are 
the  protagonists  of  the  tale.  Nearly  every  scene  in  which 

V 


vi  INTRODUCTION 

they  appear  has  been  preserved  in  the  abridgment.  The 
Aubreys,  to  whom  the  author  was  so  much  attached,  have 
been  sacrificed,  with  some  regret,  possibly,  but  without  hesi- 
tation. Had  it  depended  upon  them  the  novel  would  scarcely 
have  survived  its  serial  publication.  All  the  legal  discussions 
have  been  omitted,  save  such  as  were  necessary  to  the  devel- 
opment of  the  romance.  Much  that  was  local,  transitory,  and 
uninteresting  concerning  Parliamentary  elections,  some  of 
which  was  of  a  slightly  polemical  cast,  has  also  been  deleted. 
What  remains  tells  the  interesting  story  with  sufficient  detail 
and  portrays  the  characters  whose  names  were  once  as 
familiar  on  everybody's  lips  as  household  words — and  who 
are  even  yet  remembered. 

What  a  series  of  characters  they  are !  Titmouse  himself, 
who  has  furnished  a  new  title  for  the  volume;  Gammon, 
one  of  the  most  subtle  and  delectable  scoundrels  in  literature; 
Quirk  and  Snap,  his  worthy  partners;  Mr.  Tag-rag;  his 
daughter  Tabitha,  and  Miss  Dora  Quirk,  both  of  whom 
sought  in  vain  the  honor  of  an  alliance  with  the  hero;  Mr. 
Robert  Huckaback,  the  ingenious  friend ;  that  delightful  cari- 
cature of  nobility  to  whom,  in  spite  of  his  vanity  and  pom- 
posity, one's  heart  goes  out — the  Earl  of  Dreddlington,  Tit- 
mouse's noble  kinsman,  to  whose  daughter,  the  poor  Lady 
Cecilia,  that  unworthy  favorite  of  fortune  was  finally  wedded. 
And  there  is  much  to  be  said  of  the  minor  characters,  Mrs. 
Squallop,  Gripe,  Steggars,  Yahoo,  Fitz-Snooks,  and  the  rest. 

On  the  other  side  there  are  Aubrey ;  his  weeping  wife  (singu- 
lar what  a  tendency,  half  a  century  or  more  ago,  people  in 
high  society,  in  contemporary  novels  at  least,  had  to  burst 
into  tears  ! ) ;  the  beauteous  Kate,  who  fell  as  a  blushing  bride 
— also  a  weeping  one! — into  the  arms  of  Mr.  Delamere,  while 
the  good  old  Dr.  Tatham,  worthy  clergyman  of  the  past, 
blessed  the  union;  Lord  De  la  Zouch,  the  noble  friend; 
Messrs.  Parkinson  and  Runnington,  the  upright  lawyers; 
the  brilliant  Attorney-General;  and  Messrs.  Subtle,  Quick- 
silver, and  Lynch,  et  a/.,  who  complete  a  category  worthy  of 
Dick  ens' s  brightest  pages. 

In  preparing  the  abridgment  I  went  over  the  story  no  less 
than  six  times.  I  still  find  it  of  absorbing  interest.  There  are 
rich  humor,  true  pathos,  tender  romance,  and  grim  tragedy 
running  through  it  all.  Take,  for  instance,  Titmouse's  intro- 


INTRODUCTION  vii 

duction  to  Lord  Dreddlington ;  his  Parliamentary  exertions; 
the  great  trial  scene  upon  which  the  issue  turns;  the  ruin  of  the 
Earl  and  the  death  of  Gammon — there  are  not  many  books 
in  our  language  in  which  such  things  are  better  done.  It  is 
easy  to  see  why,  in  spite  of  all  objections  that  can  justly  be 
made  to  the  story  as  it  was  written,  it  is  still  read  and  ad- 
mired, and  editions  of  it  are  called  for  to-day. 

The  present  publishers  have  done  their  work  with  admirable 
taste  and  generosity,  and  the  delightful  and  artistic  concep- 
tions of  Mr.  Will  Crawford,  which  accompany  the  text,  enable 
those  who  will,  not  merely  to  read,  but  to  see  as  well,  the 
immortal  figures  of  the  famous  tale. , 

It  is  a  pleasure  to  me,  too,  to  call  attention  to  the  ap- 
proval of  my  undertaking  by  the  possessor  of  the  original 
MS.  of  the  story,  the  son  of  the  author,  the  Rev.  Dr.  E. 
Walpole  Warren,  of  New  York  city. 

A  few  biographical  details  concerning  the  writer  of  the  ro- 
mance may  not  be  amiss  : 

Dr.  SAMUEL  WARREN  was  born  in  Denbighshire  in  1807,  and 
died  in  London  in  1877.  He  was  the  son  of  a  clergyman,  a  man 
of  much  distinction  in  his  profession.  His  education  was  mainly 
obtained  at  the  University  of  Edinburgh,  where  his  career 
was  sufficiently  distinguished  to  entitle  him  to  the  friendship 
of  the  famous  Christopher  North  and  a  corresponding  ac- 
quaintance, at  least,  with  the  great  Sir  Walter  Scott.  He  was 
graduated  in  medicine  at  Edinburgh  and  thereafter  studied 
law,  being  called  to  the  bar  in  1837.  His  familiarity  with 
both  professions  is  seen  in  his  writings.  He  devoted  himself, 
however,  mainly  to  literature,  and  in  later  life  to  politics. 
He  wrote  a  number  of  legal  works  of  high  repute  and  many 
sketches,  tales,  tracts,  essays,  and  verses.  One  collection  of 
stories,  entitled  "  Passages  from  the  Diary  of  a  Late  Physi- 
cian," which  first  appeared  serially  in  BlackwoocTs  Magazine, 
is  still  republished  from  time  to  time.  Another  venture,  called 
"Now  and  Then,"  was  a  failure  and  is  forgotten.  His  chief 
fame,  I  might  say  his  only  permanent  fame,  rests  upon  "  Ten 
Thousand  A  Year." 

The  first  chapter  of  that  story  appeared  in  Blackwood's 
Magazine  in  1839,  where  it  met  with  immediate  success. 
The  complete  book  was  published  in  three  volumes  in  1841 


viii  INTRODUCTION 

and  had  an  enormous  sale.  It  was  translated  into  various 
languages,  edition  after  edition  was  issued,  and  it  is  still 
on  the  market. 

Some  evidence  of  the  esteem  in  which  Dr.  Warren  was  held 
by  his  contemporaries  may  be  found  in  the  fact  that.  Oxford 
University  honored  him  with  the  degree  of  D.C.L.  at  the  same 
time  with  Macaulay,  Lytton,  Alison,  and  Aytoun.  It  is  my 
fond  hope  that  this  abridgment,  if  it  be  thought  fairly  to 
represent  him,  may  introduce  him  to  a  new  generation,  and, 
by  adding  thereby  to  the  number  of  his  readers,  greatly 
increase  his  fame. 


"  I  knew  you  would  all  like  it,  for  it  is  most  true  to  human 
nature  and  it  cost  me  (though  you  may  smile)  a  few  tears 
while  writing  it.  How  I  do  love  the  Aubreys !  How  my 
heart  yearns  toward  them  ! " 

So  Dr.  Warren  wrote  to  the  editors  of  the  magazine  in 
which  the  story  first  appeared,  with  that  naive  pride  in  his 
production  which  most  of  us  feel  in  our  own  works,  even  if 
we  are  too  discreet  to  express  it.  Ah,  well,  I  cannot  imagine 
that  any  one  nowadays  would  shed  tears  over  the  Aubreys, 
even  had  he  the  patience  to  wade  through  all  that  was  said 
about  them  originally.  But  of  one  thing  I  am  certain;  that 
is,  that  many  a  good  laugh  awaits  the  reader  who  follows 
the  fortunes  and  misfortunes  of  Tittlebat  Titmouse,  and,  per- 
haps, by  that  exchange  he  will  be  the  gainer  in  the  end. 

CYRUS  TOWNSEND  BRADY. 
BROOKLYN,  N.  Y.,  June  10,  1903. 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  PARE 

I.    In  Which  the  Hero  and  His  Friend  Mr.  Huck- 
aback  Make  a  Startling  Discovery  in  the 

"Sunday  Flash" i 

II.  Wherein  the  Hero  Makes  the  Acquaintance  of 
Mr.  Oily  Gammon,  and  Incurs  the  Enmity 
of  Mr.  Thomas  Tag-rag 16 

III.  Describes  the  Opening  of  a  Dazzling  Possibil- 

ity   before    the    Hero's    Vision    by   Messrs. 
Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap     .        .        .        .        22 

IV.  Tells   How  Mr.    Huckaback   Interferes  in  the 

Affair,  with  Disastrous  Results  both  to  Him- 
self and  the  Hero 32 

V.  Wherein  Is  Depicted  the  Desperate  Strait  to 
Which  the  Hero  is  Finally  Reduced  by  the 

Law's  Delays 45 

VI.  In  Which  the  Sun  Begins  to  Shine  for  the 
Hero  through  the  Pleasant  Medium  of  Mr. 

Gammon 55 

VII.    Shows  How  Mr.  Tag-rag,  after  Changing  His 
Opinion    of    the    Hero,    Begins    to    Dream 

Dreams 69 

VIII.     Relates  How  Mr.  Tag-rag  Convinces  the  Hero 
of  the  Genuineness  of  His  Affection,   with 
Mr.  Gammon's  Comments  Thereupon  .        .        79 
IX.    In  Which  the  Hero  Makes  His  Entrance  into 
—and  His  Exit  from— the  Society  of  Miss 
Tabitha  Tag-rag  at  Satin  Lodge         .        .        88 
ix 


x  CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  PAGE 

X.  Wherein  Malign  Fate  Prepares  a  Fearful 
Blow  for  the  Noble  and  Unsuspecting  Au- 
breys of  Yatton 97 

XL  How  the  Hero  Was  Introduced  to  the  Fasci- 
nating Miss  Dora  Quirk,  and  What  Hap- 
pened at  Alibi  House no 

XII.  In  Which  Is  Explained  the  Seeming  Neces- 
sity for  a  Dangerous  Conspiracy  between 
Messrs.  Gammon  and  Quirk  in  Behalf  of 
the  Hero 125 

XIII.  Describes  the  Trial  in  Which  the  Hero  Is  Put 

in  Possession  of  Ten  Thousand  a  Year!     .      138 

XIV.  Wherein  Mr.  Aubrey  with  Astonishing  Mag- 

nanimity Surrenders  Yatton  Without  Fur- 
ther Contest  to  the  Hero        .        .        .        .159 
XV.    Introduces  the  Hero  to   the  Favorable   No- 
tice of  a  Certain  Noble  Connection  of  His 
Family 171 

XVI.  Tells  How  the  Hero  Dines  with  the  August 
Earl  of  Dreddlington  and  His  Daughter,  the 
Gracious  Lady  Cecilia;  and  Describes  the 
Various  Adventures  Which  Befall  Him  on 
This  Momentous  Occasion  .  .  .  .186 
XVII.  In  Which  Is  Disclosed  How  the  Hero  Journeys 
in  State  to  Take  Possession  of  His  New- 
Found  Property,  and  the  Lamentable  End- 
ing of  the  Revelry  at  the  Hall  .  .  .  210 
XVIII.  Gives  the  Details  of  a  Most  Decisive  Discus- 
sion Between  the  Ingenuous  Aubrey  and 
the  Insinuating  Gammon  .  .  .  .230 

XIX.  Discloses  the  Restiveness  of  the  Hero  at  Yat- 
ton, the  Futility  of  His  Resistance,  Togeth- 
er with  Other  Pleasant  Matters  Regarding 
His  Newly  Bestowed  Fame  in  Town  .  .  248 


CONTENTS 


XI 


CHAPTER  PAGE 

XX.  How  the  Hero  Is  Presented  at  Court,  and  Mr. 
Tag-rag  Is  Made  Draper  and  Hosier  to  His 
Majesty,  Paying  a  Large  Price  for  the 

Honor 265 

XXI.  In  Which  the  Earl  and  Lady  Cecilia  Visit 
Yatton,  Where  the  Hero  Proposes  Matri- 
mony to  the  Latter  and  Is  Accepted  .  .  279 
XXII.  Wherein  Mr.  Gammon,  Passionately  Enam- 
oured of  Miss  Aubrey,  Cunningly  Contrives 
Several  Interviews,  Which  Produce  Nothing 
but  Disappointment 297 

XXIII.  Describes  the  Career  of  the  Hero  in  the  House 

of  Commons,  and  the  Useful  and  Entertain- 
ing Contribution  He  Made  to  a  Great  De- 
bate   314 

XXIV.  Shows  How  Lord  Dreddlington  Speculates  in 

Stocks  and   How  the   Hero  Adventures  in 

Matrimony 324 

XXV.  Describes  the  Impotent  Rage  of  the  Hero  at 
a  Most  Extraordinary  Demand  by  Mr. 
Gammon,  and  His  Vain  Attempt  at  Resist- 
ance against  It 336 

XXVI.  Tells  How  Mr.  Gammon  at  Last  Musters 
Courage  to  Approach  Miss  Aubrey,  and 
What  Were  the  Consequences  of  Her  Action 

to  All  Concerned 352 

XXVII.  Wherein  the  Aubreys  Fall  to  the  Lowest 
Depths  of  Their  Misfortunes,  Which  They 
Yet  Bear  with  Unfaltering  Fortitude  .  .369 
XXVIII.  In  Which  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington  in  an  Inter- 
view with  Mr.  Gammon  Receives  a  Shock 
that  He  Is  Unable  to  Sustain  .  .  .386 

XXIX.  Discloses  the  Awful  Consequences  of  Mr.  Gam- 
mon's Action  Because  of  Which  the  Reader 


xii  CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  PAGE 

Bids  an  Eternal  Farewell  to  the  Poor  Lady 
Cecilia   .       .       .       ...       .        .       .      406 

XXX.  Reveals  a  Certain  Piece  of  News  Which  Vari- 
ously Affects  the  Several  Fortunes  of  the 
Hero,  Lord  Dreddlington,  the  Aubreys, 

and  Mr.  Gammon 419 

XXXI.    Wherein  Mr.  Gammon  Makes  His  Final  Exit, 
the    Hero   Gets  His  Deserts,  and  Fortune 
Once  More  Smiles  upon  the  Most  Deserving     435 
Epilogue 463 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 

PAGE 

''Bravo!  Bravo,  Bravo,  Sir!  'Pon  my  life,  Capi- 
tal!"   Frontispiece 

"Lord,  only  think  how  it  would  sound! — 'Lord  Tit- 
mouse!":  3 

"'Next  of  Kin— Important'— What  a  go  it  is!"     .        .       n 

"  He'd  better  not  stay  longer  " 1 8 

"You  may  be  put  in  possession  of    ...    about  ten 

thousand  a  year" 24 

"Tittlebat  Titmouse  isn't  to  be  trifled  with!"        .  28 

"  Yotfll  go  and  meddle  again    .    .    .    you — cu-cu-cursec 

officious — '' 37 

"I'm  your  landlady  and  I'll  have  you  up"       .        .  49 

"  It's   high    time   that   we   should   take   some  decided 

step"     ...  57 

Old  Balls  scrutinized  with  anxious  exactness  and  even 

suspicion 61 

"Take  another  glass  of  wine,  Mr.  Titmouse".        .        .64 

"  I  believe  he  will  turn  out  to  be  the  owner  of  .    .    .at 

least  ten  thousand  a  year" 71 

"Thomas  Tag-rag  may  be  a  plain-spoken  and  wrong- 
headed  man — but  he  has  a  warm  heart !  "  .  .  8 1 

"  —Till  to-day,  I  thought  I  was  heir  to  ten  thousand 

a  year" 94 

"—You  consent  to  give  up  the  whole  Yatton  estate 
.  .  .  to,  the  right  heir — as  they  contend — a  Mr.  Tit- 
tlebat Titmouse"  101 

"Do  you  mean  to  say  that  Yatton  is  not  ours?"  .        .108 

xiii 


xiv  LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 

PAGE 

"  I've  always  felt  like  a  mother  towards  you,  sir,  in  my 

humble  way " 112 

"Tittlebat  Titmouse  is  My  name — ;" 121 

"  — I've  a  little  box  that's  at  my  lodging  .  .  .  and  in 

which  there  is  a  trifle  about  the  families  and  fortunes 

of  the  folk  in  Yatton "     .        .        .       .       .       .        .128 

"  Ah,  by  the  way,  an  old  tombstone,  that  would  settle 

the  business!"  . 132 

"I  congratulate  you — you  are  victorious!"  .  .  .  155 
"  Within  three  weeks  I  shall  be  prepared  to  deliver  up 

possession  of  Yatton" 163 

"  We've  put  an  ape  into  possession  of  paradise — that's 

all,"  said  Gammon 166 

Poor  Miss  Tag-rag  almost  dropped  the  magnificent 

volume  .  . 175 

"  Tag-rag — and  his  daughter.  Quirk — and  his  daughter. 

The  Earl  of  Dreddlington  and  his  daughter — "  .  .185 

"D — me,  sir — don't  bother  me/" 189 

The  Earl  extended  his  hand 192 

"  When  I  get  down  among  the  country  gents  p'r'aps  I 

may  do  as  they  do,  my  lord" 197 

Souse  to  the  bottom!  .  .  , 202 

"'Pon  my  soul,  the  very  thing!" 213 

"What  a  devilish  rum  old  place!" 219 

Almost  wrung  it  out  of  his  head 223 

A  little  sprig  of  heart's-ease 226 

"I  preach  there  every  Sunday" 228 

"  But  there's  Gammon  :  I've  had  several  things  to  do 

with  him" 233 

"  I've  not  the  least  doubt  that  he's  speaking  the  truth"  241 

"I,  who  made  you,  will  in  one  single  day — unmake  you"  252 
"  Demme  if  I've  not  forgot  the  name  of  your  place  in 

the  country"  . 261 

"May  I  ask  what  your  lordship  thinks  of  me?"  .  .268 
Inspiring  awe  in  the  minds  of  the  passers-by  .  .274 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS  xv 

PAGE 

"Why  don't  you  keep  out  of  the  way,  you  brute?"  .  284 
"Will  she  be  called  Mrs.  Titmouse  or  will  I  be  called 

Lord  Titmouse1}"  . 291 

'Twas  "Yes"— Oh,  poor  Lady  Cecilia!  Oh,  fatal,  fatal 

falsehood! 295 

"  Pray  what  do  you  think,  Charles,  of  your  friend  Mr. 

Gammon,  now?" 305 

With  what  humor  would  he  describe  the  absurdities  of 

Titmouse 312 

— The  Speaker  was  convulsed  and  could  not  rise  to  call 

"order"— 320 

"Hope  you're  quite  well,  dearest,  this  happy  day"  .  330 

"So  help  me  God— I'll  fire!" 342 

"I'll  sign  anything  you  like" 346 

"A  humiliation  I  wish  to  spare  you"  .  .  .  -358 

"Against  my  wish — just  for  appearance'  sake"  .  .  361 

"My  will!— My  will!" 367 

"You're  my  prisoner,  Sir!" 370 

"Dem  the  fellow — why  don't  he  pay  his  debts!"  .  .381 

"Account  closed!" 392 

"  That  document  caught  my  eye  accidentally"  .  .  396 

"Titmouse  is  only  a  natural  son" 402 

"Upon  my  sacred  word  of  honor" 417 

"Sir — Mr.  Gammon — do  you  believe  there  is  no  God?"  422 

"You  shajl  hear  all — but  we  must  be  alone"  .  .  .  426 
It  was  absolutely  necessary  that  he  should  put  his  arm 

round  her 433 

"  Come— honor  among  thieves" 447 

"Get  out  with  you — get  out" 450 

"  I  hope,  Kate,  that  you  have  not  given  this  gentle- 
man encouragement" 453 

Succeeded  in  dropping  the  vial  into  the  very  heart  of 

the  fire 461 


CHAPTER    I 

IN     WHICH     THE     HERO    AND    HIS    FRIEND    MR.    HUCKABACK 

MAKE  A  STARTLING  DISCOVERY  IN  THE 

"SUNDAY  FLASH" 

ABOUT  ten  o'clock  one  Sunday  morning,  the  dazzling  sun- 
beams irradiating  a  dismal  back  attic  in  one  of  the  courts 
adjoining  Oxford  Street,  London,  at  length  awoke  a  young 
man  lying  in  bed.  He  rubbed  his  eyes  and  yawned  and 
stretched  his  limbs  with  a  heavy  sense  of  weariness.  He 
presently  cast  his  eyes  on  the  clothes  huddled  together  on  the 
backless  chair  by  the  bedside,  where  he  had  hastily  flung 
them  about  an  hour  after  midnight;  at  which  time  he  had 
returned  after  a  long  day's  work  from  a  great  draper's  shop 
in  Oxford  Street,  where  he  served  as  a  shopman.  He  could 
hardly  keep  his  eyes  open  while  he  undressed,  and  on  drop- 
ping exhausted  into  bed,  he  had  continued  in  unbroken  slum- 
ber till  the  moment  at  which  he  is  presented  to  the  reader. 

Casting  an  irresolute  glance  toward  the  tiny  fireplace, 
where  lay  a  modicum  of  wood  and  coal,  with  a  tinderbox 
and  a  match  or  two  placed  upon  the  hob,  he  stepped  lazily 
out  of  bed,  lit  his  fire,  placed  his  bit  of  a  kettle  on  the  top  01 
it,  and  returned  to  bed,  where  he  lay,  watching  the  crackling 
blaze  insinuate  itself  through  the  wood  and  coal.  While 
listlessly  listening  to  the  discordant  jangling  of  innumerable 
church-bells,  clamorously  calling  the  citizens  to  their  devo- 
tions, the  current  of  his  thoughts  was  as  follows : 

"Heigho! — Lud,  Lud! — This  is  my  only  holiday,  yet  I 
don't  seem  to  enjoy  it !  What  a  life  mine  is,  to  be  sure ! 
Here  am  I,  in  my  eight-and-twentieth  year,  and  for  four  long 
years  I  have  been  one  of  the  shopmen  at  Tag-rag  &  Co.'s, 
slaving  from  half-past  seven  o'clock  in  the  morning  till  nine 
at  night,  and  all  for  a  salary  of  ^35  a  year  and  my  board ! 
And  Mr.  Tag-rag — eugh  !  what  a  beast! — is  always  telling  me 
how  high  he's  raised  my  salary !  'Pon  my  soul !  it  can't 


2  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

last;  for  sometimes  I  feel  getting  desperate! — Seven  shillings 
a-week  do  I  pay  for  this  cursed  hole  that  one  couldn't  swing 
a  cat  in !  Curse  me,  say  I,  if  this  life  is  worth  having ! 
It's  all  the  very  vanity  of  vanities — as  it's  said  somewhere  in 
the  Bible — and  no  mistake !  Fag,  fag,  fag,  all  one's  days, 
and — what  for?  Thirty-five  pounds  a  year,  and  'no  advance!' 
Everybody  I  see  out  is  happy,  excepting  me! — Everybody 
laughs  when  they  see  me,  and  know  that  I'm  only  a  tallow- 
faced  counter-jumper — O  Lord !  what's  the  use  of  being 
good-looking,  as  some  chaps  say  I  am  ?"  Here  he  passed  his 
left  hand  through  a  profusion  of  sandy -colored  hair,  and  cast 
an  eye  towards  a  bit  of  fractured  looking-glass  hanging 
against  the  wall  that  faithfully  represented  to  him  a  by  no 
means  ugly  set  of  features. 

"  Ah,  by  Jove  !  many  and  many's  the  fine  gal  I've  done  my 
best  to  attract  the  notice  of,  while  I  was  serving  her  in  the 
shop.  There  has  been  luck  to  many  a  chap  like  me,  in 
the  same  line  of  speculation :  look  at  Tom  Tarnish — 
how  he  got  Miss  Twang,  the  rich  piano-forte  maker's  daugh- 
ter— and  now  he's  cut  the  shop,  and  lives  at  Hackney, 
like  a  regular  gentleman !  Ah,  that  was  a  stroke !  But 
somehow  it  hasn't  answered  with  me  yet — the  gals  don't 
take !  How  I  have  set  my  eyes,  to  be  sure,  and  ogled  them — 
all  of  them  don't  seem  to  dislike  the  thing — and  sometimes 
they'll  smile,  in  a  sort  of  way  that  says  I'm  safe — but  it's 
been  no  use  yet,  not  a  bit  of  it !  Now,  just  for  the  fun  of  the 
thing,  only  suppose  luck  was  to  befall  me!  Say  that  some- 
body was  to  leave  me  lots  of  cash — many  thousands  a  year, 
or  something  in  that  line !  My  stars !  wouldn't  I  go  it  with 
the  best  of  them!  (Another  long  pause.)  Gad,  I  really 
should  hardly  know  how  to  begin  to  spend  it !  I  think,  by 
the  way,  I'd  buy  a  title  to  set  off  with — for  what  won't 
money  buy?  Lord,  only  think  how  it  would  sound!  — 

'Sir  Tittlebat  Titmouse,  Baronet;'  or,  'Lord  Titmouse.' 

"The  very  first  place  I'd  go  to,  after  I'd  got  my  title, 
should  be — our  cursed  shop,  to  buy  a  dozen  or  two  pair  of 
white  kid.  What  a  flutter  there  would  be  among  the  poor 
pale  devils  standing  behind  the  counters  at  Tag-rag  & 
Co.'s  when  my  carriage  drew  up,  and  I  stepped,  a  tip-top 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 

swell,  into  the  shop.    Tag-rag  would  come  and  attend  to  me 
himself.    I    shouldn't  quite  come   Captain  Stiff  over   him,  I 


.    only    think    how 
-  ~r       it  wooldjound  ! — 


think ;  but  I  should  treat  him  with  a  kind  of  an  air,  too,  as 
if— hem!  'Pon  my  life!  how  delightful!  Yes,  I  should  often 
come  to  the  shop.  How  they'd  envy  me !  I  wouldn't  think  of 


4  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

marrying  till — and  yet  I  won't  say  either;  if  I  got  among 
some  of  them  out  and  outers.  Oh,  of  course,  I  might  marry 
whom  I  pleased.  Who  couldn't  be  got  with  ten  thousand 
a  year?  I  should  go  abroad  to  Russia  directly;  for  they  tell 
me  there's  a  man  lives  there  who  could  dye  this  cussed  hair 
of  mine  any  color  I  liked — Egad !  I'd  come  home  as  black  as 
a  crow,  and  hold  up  my  head  as  high  as  any  of  them  !  While 
I  was  about  it,  I'd  have  a  touch  at  my  eyebrows." 

Crash  went  all  his  castle-building  at  the  sound  of  his  tea- 
kettle, sputtering  in  the  agonies  of  boiling  over.  Having 
placed  it  upon  the  hob,  and  put  on  the  fire  a  tiny  fragment 
of  fresh  coal,  he  began  to  make  preparations  for  shaving,  by 
pouring  some  of  the  hot  water  into  an  old  tea-cup,  which  was 
presently  to  serve  for  the  purpose  of  breakfast.  He  placed 
on  the  little  mantelpiece  a  bit  of  crumpled  whitey-brown 
paper,  in  which  had  been  folded  up  a  couple  of  cigars  for  the 
Sunday's  enjoyment;  drew  his  well-worn  razor  several  times 
across  the  palm  of  his  left  hand;  dipped  his  brush,  worn 
within  a  third  of  an  inch  to  the  stump,  into  the  hot  water; 
presently  passed  it  over  so  much  of  his  face  as  he  intended  to 
shave;  then  rubbed  on  the  damp  surface  a  bit  of  yellow  soap 
— and  in  less  than. five  minutes  Mr.  Titmouse  was  a  shaved 
man.  Every  hair  of  his  spreading  whiskers  was  sacred  from 
the  touch  of  steel;  and  a  bushy  crop  of  hair  stretched  under- 
neath his  chin,  coming  curled  out  on  each  side  of  it,  above 
his  stock,  like  two  little  horns,  or  tusks.  An  imperial  and  a 
pair  of  promising  mustaches  poor  Mr.  Titmouse  had  been 
compelled  to  sacrifice  to  the  tyrannical  whimsies  of  Mr.  Tag- 
rag,  who  imagined  them  to  be  not  exactly  suitable  appen- 
dages for  counter-jumpers. 

This  operation  over,  he  took  out  of  his  trunk  an  old  dirty- 
looking  pomatum  pot.  A  little  of  its  contents  he  stroked 
carefully  into  his  eye-brows;  then,  spreading  some  on  the 
palms  of  his  hands,  he  rubbed  it  vigorously  into  his  stubborn 
hair  and  whiskers  for  some  quarter  of  an  hour;  and  then 
combed  and  brushed  his  hair  into  half-a-dozcn  different  dispo- 
sitions. Then  he  dipped  the  end  of  a  towel  into  a  little  water, 
and,  twisting  it  round  his  right  fore-finger,  passed  it  gently 
over  his  face,  carefully  avoiding  his  eye-brows  and  the  hair 
at  the  top,  sides,  and  bottom  of  his  face,  which  he  then 
wiped  with  a  dry  corner  of  the  towel.  Had  he  been  able  to 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  5 

"see  himself  as  others  saw  him,"  in  respect  of  these  neglected 
regions  which  lay  somewhere  behind  and  beneath  his  ears, 
possibly  he  might  not  have  thought  it  superfluous  to  irrigate 
them  with  a  little  soap  and  water;  but,  after  all,  he  knew 
best ;  it  might  have  given  him  cold  :  and  besides,  his  hair  was 
very  thick  and  long  behind,  and  might  perhaps  conceal  any- 
thing that  was  unsightly. 

Then  Mr.  Titmouse,  drawing  from  underneath  the  bed  a  bot- 
tle of  blacking  and  a  couple  of  brushes,  with  great  labor  and 
skill  polished  his  boots  up  to  a  wonderful  point  of  brilliancy. 
After  washing  his  hands,  he  devoted  a  few  moments  to  boiling 
about  three  teaspoonfuls  of  coffee,  which  was,  in  fact,  chicory. 
Then  he  put  on  a  calico  shirt,  with  linen  wristbands  and 
collar,  taking  great  care  not  to  rumple  a  very  showy  front, 
containing  three  little  rows  of  frills;  in  the  middle  one  of 
which  he  stuck  three  "studs,"  connected  together  with  two 
little  gilt  chains,  coupled  with  a  span-new  satin  stock,  which 
he  next  buckled  round  his  neck.  Having  put  on  his  bright 
boots  without  any  stockings,  he  carefully  insinuated  his  legs 
into  a  pair  of  white  trousers,  which,  with  their  short  straps 
and  high  braces,  were  so  tight  that  they  would  have  burst 
if  he  should  sit  down  hastily.  The  next  thing  he  did  was  to 
attach  a  pair  of  spurs  to  his  boots.  Then  he  put  on  a  kind 
of  under-waistcoat,  which  was  only  a  roll-collar  of  faded  pea- 
green  silk,  designed  to  set  off  a  very  fine  flowered  damson- 
colored  silk  waistcoat,  over  which  he  drew  a  massive  mosaic- 
gold  chain  (to  purchase  which  he  had  sold  a  serviceable 
silver  watch);  then  he  drew  his  ring  (those  must  have 
been  sharp  eyes  which  could  tell,  at  a  distance,  and  in  a 
hurry,  that  it  was  not  diamond)  on  the  stumpy  little  fin- 
ger of  his  red  and  thick  right  hand. 

Then  he  sat  down  to  his  breakfast,  spreading  the  shirt  he 
had  taken  off  upon  his  lap,  to  preserve  his  white  trousers 
from  spot  or  stain.  He  had  no  butter,  having  used  the  last 
on  the  preceding  morning ;  so  he  was  fain  to  put  up  with  dry 
bread.  Having  swallowed  two  cups  of  his  yuasi-coffee,  he  re- 
sumed his  toilet.  Having  smoothed  out  a  few  creases,  he  put 
on  his  blue  surtout,  with  embossed  silk  buttons  and  velvet  col- 
lar, and  an  outside  pocket  in  the  left  breast;  then  he  stood 
before  the  little  vulgar  fraction  of  a  glass  twitching  about  the 
collar,  and  sleeves,  and  front  to  make  them  sit  well,  conclu- 


6  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

ding  with  a  careful  elongation  of  the  wristbands  of  his  shirt 
beyond  his  coat-sleeve — thus  succeeding  in  producing  a  sort 
of  white  boundary -line  between  the  blue  of  his  coat-sleeve  and 
the  red  of  his  hand.  It  was  not  a  handsome  hand,  but  broad 
and  red,  with  thick  and  stumpy  fingers,  and  very  coarse,  deep 
wrinkles  at  every  joint.  His  nails  were  flat  and  shapeless; 
and  he  used  to  be  continually  gnawing  them  till  he  had  suc- 
ceeded in  getting  them  down  to  the  quick — and  they  were  a 
sight  to  set  one's  teeth  on  edge.  Then  he  extracted  from  his 
trunk  a  white  pocket-handkerchief  that  had  gone  through  four 
Sundays'  show,  not  use,  and  yet  was  capable  of  exhibition 
again.  A  pair  of  sky-colored  kid  gloves  next  made  their 
appearance.  His  Sunday  hat  was  next  gently  removed  from 
its  box — ah,  how  lightly  and  delicately  did  he  pass  his  smooth- 
ing hand  round  its  glossy  surface !  Lastly,  he  took  a  thin 
black  cane,  with  a  gilt  head,  and  full  brown  tassel — and  his 
toilet  was  complete. 

Laying  down  his  cane,  he  passed  his  hands  again  through 
his  hair,  arranging  it  so  as  to  fall  nicely  on  each  side  beneath 
his  hat,  which  he  then  placed  upon  his  head,  with  an  elegant 
inclination  towards  the  left  side.  He  was  not  bad  looking. 
His  forehead  was  contracted,  and  his  eyes  were  of  a  very  light 
color,  and  a  trifle  too  protuberant ;  but  his  mouth  was  well- 
formed,  and,  being  seldom  closed,  it  exhibited  very  beautiful 
teeth ;  and  his  nose  was  of  that  description  which  generally 
passes  for  Roman.  His  countenance  wore  generally  a  smile, 
and  was  expressive  of  self-satisfaction.  As  for  there  being 
the  slightest  trace  of  intellect  in  it,  I  should  be  misleading  the 
reader  if  I  were  to  say  anything  of  the  sort.  In  heigh't,  he 
was  about  five  feet  and  a  quarter  of  an  inch,  in  his  boots, 
and  he  was  rather  strongly  set,  with  a  tendency  to  round 
shoulders ;  but  his  limbs  were  pliant,  and  his  motions  nimble. 

Here  you  have,  then,  Mr.  Tittlebat  Titmouse  to  the  life. 
Well — he  put  his  hat  on ;  buttoned  the  lowest  two  buttons  of 
his  surtout,  and  stuck  his  white  pocket  handkerchief  into  the 
outside  pocket  in  front,  anxiously  disposing  it  so  as  to  let  a 
little  of  it  appear  above  the  edge  of  the  pocket,  with  a  sort  of 
careful  carelessness — a  graceful  contrast  to  the  blue ;  drew  on 
his  gloves,  took  his  cane  in  his  hand,  and,  the  sun  shining  in 
the  full  splendor  of  a  July  noon,  and  promising  a  glorious 
day,  sallied  forth  to  conquer  !  Petty  finery  without ;  a  pinched 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  7 

and  stinted  stomach  within ;  a  case  of  Back  versus  Belly,  the 
plaintiff  winning  in  a  canter !  Descending  the  narrow  stair- 
case, he  heard  exclaimed  from  an  opposite  window,  "  My  eyes  ! 
a* n't  that  a  swell!"  He  felt  how  true  the  observation  was, 
so  he  hurried  on  and  soon  reached  Oxford  street. 

Mr.  Titmouse  there  walked  along  leisurely;  for  haste  and  per- 
spiration were  vulgar,  and  he  had  the  day  before  him.  He 
had  no  particular  object  in  view.  A  tiff  over-night  with  two 
of  his  shopmates  had  broken  off  a  party  to  go  that  day  to 
Greenwich;  and  this  trifling  circumstance  had  a  little  soured 
his  temper.  He  resolved  to-day  to  walk  straight  on,  and 
dine  somewhere  out  of  town,  by  way  of  passing  the  time  till 
four  o'clock,  at  which  hour  he  intended  to  make  his  appear- 
ance in  Hyde  Park,  "  to  see  the  swells  and  the  fashions,"  his 
favorite  Sunday  occupation. 

No  one  could  have  judged  from  his  dressy  appearance,  the 
constant  smirk  on  his  face,  and  his  confident  air,  how  very 
miserable  that  poor  little  dandy  was ;  but  three-fourths  of  his 
misery  was  occasioned  by  the  impossibility  he  felt  of  ever 
being  able  to  indulge  in  his  propensities  for  finery  and  dis- 
play. Nothing  better  had  he  to  occupy  his  few  thoughts.  He 
had  had  only  a  plain  mercantile  education,  i.e.,  reading,  wri- 
ting, and  arithmetic  :  beyond  a  very  moderate  acquaintance 
with  these,  he  knew  nothing  whatever,  not  having  read  more 
than  a  few  novels,  and  plays,  and  sporting  newspapers.  De- 
plorable, however,  as  were  his  circumstances,  he  often  con- 
ceived the  possibility  of  some  unexpected  and  accidental 
change  for  the  better :  he  had  heard  and  read  of  extraordi- 
nary cases  of  luck.  Why  might  he  not  be  one  of  the  lucky? 
A  rich  girl  might  fall  in  love  with  him;  or  some  one  might 
leave  him  money;  or  he  might  win  a  prize  in  the  lottery — all 
these  modes  of  getting  enriched,  frequently  occurred  to  Mr. 
Tittlebat  Titmouse;  but  he  never  once  thought  of  one  thing 
as  conducing  to  such  a  result,  viz.,  determined,  unwearying 
industry  and  perseverance  in  the  way  of  his  business. 

He  pursued  his  way  a  mile  or  two  beyond  Bayswater,  and 
came  at  length  upon  a  nice  little  public  house  on  the  road- 
side. Tired  tho  he  was,  he  first  relieved  his  clothes  and 
boots  from  the  heavy  dust  upon  them.  Then  he  satisfied  his 
hunger  with  a  mutton-pie  and  a  pint  of  porter.  This  fare, 
together  with  a  penny  to  the  little  girl  who  waited  on  him, 


8  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

cost  him  tenpence.  Having  lit  one  of  his  two  cigars  he 
started  back  to  town,  puffing  along  with  an  air  of  quiet  en- 
joyment. 

He  approached  Cumberland  Gate  about  half-past  five,  when 
the  Park  might  be  said  to  be  at  its  acme  of  fashion,  as  far 
as  that  could  be  indicated  by  a  sluggish  stream  of  carriages, 
three  and  four  abreast — coroneted  panels  in  abundance — by 
noble  and  well-known  equestrians  of  both  sexes,  in  troops, 
and  by  some  thousand  pedestrians  of  the  same  description. 

What  an  enchanted  ground  !  — How  delicious  this  soft  crush 
and  flutter  of  aristocracy !  Poor  Titmouse  felt  a  withering 
consciousness  of  his  utter  insignificance,  yet  he  stepped  along 
with  a  tolerably  assured  air,  looking  everybody  he  met 
straight  in  the  face,  and  occasionally  twirling  about  his  little 
cane  with  an  air  which  seemed  to  say — "  Whatever  opinion 
you  may  form  of  me,  I  have  a  very  good  opinion  of  myself." 
Indeed,  what  was  the  real  difference  between  Count  Do-'em-all 
and  Mr.  Tittlebat  Titmouse?  Only  that  the  Count  owed 
more  money  than  Mr.  Titmouse's  creditors  could  be  per- 
suaded to  allow  him  to  owe !  Leaning  against  the  railing 
in  a  studied  attitude,  and  eying'  wistfully  each  gay  and 
fashionable  equipage,  with  its  often  lovely  and  sometimes 
haughty  enclosure,  as  it  rolled  slowly  past  him,  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse became  more  and  more  convinced  of  a  great  practi- 
cal truth,  viz.,  that  the  only  real  distinction  between  man- 
kind was  that  effected  by  money.  Want  of  money  alone  had 
placed  him  in  his  present  abject  position. 

He  looked  and  sighed  in  a  kind  of  agony  of  vain  longing. 
While  his  only  day  in  the  week  for  breathing  fresh  air  and 
appearing  like  a  gentleman  in  the  world  was  rapidly  draw- 
ing to  a  close,  and  he  was  beginning  to  think  of  returning 
to  the  dog-hole  he  had  crawled  out  of  in  the  morning,  and 
to  the  shop  for  the  rest  of  the  week,  the  great  and  gay 
and  happy  folk  he  was  looking  at  were  thinking  of  driving 
home  to  dress  for  their  grand  dinners,  and  to  lay  out  every 
kind  of  fine  amusement  for  the  ensuing  week,  and  that  was 
the  sort  of  life  they  led  every  day  in  the  week. 

"Why,"  thought  he,  "am  /thus  spited  by  Fortune?  The 
only  thing  she's  given  me  is — nothing! — D — n  everything!" 
exclaimed  Mr.  Titmouse  aloud,  at  last  starting  off  dejectedly 
on  his  aimless  ramble.  Mr.  Titmouse  walked  along  Picca- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  9 

dilly  with  a  truly  chop-fallen  and  disconsolate  air.  Dress 
as  he  would,  no  one  seemed  to  care  a  curse  for  him.  What 
to  do  with  himself  till  it  was  time  to  return  to  his  cheerless 
lodgings  he  did  not  exactly  know;  so  he  loitered  along  at 
a  snail's  pace  till  he  struck  into  Leicester  Square,  where, 
hurrying  up  to  a  crowd  at  the  further  end,  he  found  a  man 
preaching  with  infinite  energy.  Mr.  Titmouse  looked  on 
and  listened  for  two  or  three  minutes  with  apparent  interest ; 
and  then,  with  a  countenance  in  which  pity  struggled  with 
contempt,  muttered,  loud  enough  to  be  heard  by  all  near 
him,  "poor  devil!"  and  walked  off.  It  occurred  to  him  that 
a  friend — one  Robert  Huckaback,  much  such  another  one  as 
himself— lived  in  the  neighborhood.  He  determined  to  take 
the  chances  of  his  being  at  home,  and  if  so,  of  spending  the 
remainder  of  the  evening  with  him.  Huckaback's  quarters 
were  in  the  same  ambitious  proximity  to  heaven  as  his  own, 
the  only  difference  being  that  they  were  a  trifle  cheaper  and 
larger.  He  answered  the  door  himself,  having  only  the  mo- 
ment before  returned  from  his  Sunday  excursion.  He  ordered 
in  a  glass  of  negus  from  the  adjoining  public-house,  after 
some  discussion,  which  ended  in  an  agreement  that  he  should 
stand  treat  that  night,  and  Titmouse  on  the  ensuing  Sunday 
night.  As  soon  as  the  negus  arrived,  accompanied  by  two 
sea-biscuits,  the  candle  was  lit;  Huckaback  handed  a  cigar 
to  his  friend,  and  both  began  to  puff  away. 

"Anything  stirring  in  to-day's  Flash!"  inquired  Titmouse, 
as  his  eye  caught  sight  of  a  copy  of  that  able  and  interesting 
Sunday  newspaper,  the  Sunday  flash,  which  Huckaback  had 
hired  for  the  evening  from  the  news-shop  on  the  ground- 
floor  of  his  lodgings. 

Mr.  Huckaback  rose  and  got  the  paper  from  the  top  of  the 
drawers. 

"  Here's  a  mark  of  a  beastly  porter-pot  that's  been  set  upon 
it,  by  all  that's  holy !  It's  been  at  the  public-house !  Too 
bad  of  Mrs.  Coggs  to  send  it  up  to  me  in  this  state !"  said  he, 
handling  it  as  tho  its  touch  were  contamination.  "  Faugh  ! 
how  it  stinks !" 

"What  a  horrid  beast  she  must  be!"  exclaimed  Titmouse. 
"  But,  since  better  can't  be  had,  let's  hear  what  news  is  in  it. 
Demmee !  it's  the  only  paper  published,  in  my  opinion,  that's 
worth  reading!  Any  fights  a — stirring?" 


io  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Haven't  come  to  them  yet;  give  a  man  time,  Titty!" 
replied  Huckaback,  fixing  his  feet  on  another  chair,  and 
drawing  the  candle  closer  to  the  paper. 

"But  come,  Huck,"  said  Titmouse,  as  his  friend  continued 
his  inspection  of  the  paper,  "you  can't  be  reading  both  of 
those  two  sheets  at  once — give  us  the  other  sheet,  and  set  the 
candle  right  betwixt  us! — Come,  fair's  the  word!" 

Huckaback,  thus  appealed  to,  did  as  his  friend  requested;  and 
the  two  gentlemen  read  and  smoked  for  some  minutes  in  silence. 

"Well — I  shall  spell  over  the  advertisements  now,"  said 
Titmouse;  "I've  read  everything  else.  One  may  hear  of  a 
prime  situation,  you  know — and  I'm  quite  sick  of  Tag-rag !" 

Another  interval  of  silence  ensued.  Titmouse  having  glanced 
listlessly  over  the  advertisements,  suddenly  started  in  his 
chair,  turned  very  pale,  and  stammered — 

"Hollo!  hollo,  Hucky!-Why " 

"What's  the  matter,  Tit? — eh?"  inquired  Huckaback, 
greatly  astonished. 

For  a  moment  Titmouse  made  no  answer,  but,  dropping 
his  cigar,  fixed  his  eyes  intently  on  the  paper,  which  began 
to  rustle  in  his  trembling  hands.  What  occasioned  this  out- 
break, with  its  subsequent  agitation,  was  the  following  ad- 
vertisement : 

"NEXT  OF  KIN — Important. — The  next  of  kin,  if  any  such 
there  be,  of  GABRIEL  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE,  formerly  of  WHITE- 
HAVEN,  cordwainer,  and  who  died  somewhere  about  the  year 
1793,  in  London,  may  hear  of  something  of  the  GREATEST 
POSSIBLE  IMPORTANCE  to  himself,  or  herself,  or  themselves,  by 
immediately  communicating  with  Messrs.  QUIRK,  GAMMON 
&  SNAP,  Solicitors,  Saffron  Hill.  No  time  is  to  be  lost. 
9th  July,  1 8— .  The  third  advertisement" 

"  Read  it  up,  Huck  !"  said  he,  handing  the  paper  to  his  friend. 

Huckaback  read  it  aloud. 

"It  sounds  like  something,  don't  it?"  inquired  Titmouse 
tremulously,  his  color  a  little  returning. 

"Uncommon! — If  this  isn't  something,  then  there's  nothing 
in  anything  any  more ! "  replied  Huckaback  solemnly. 

"No! — 'Pon  my  soul!  but  do  you  really  think  so?" 

"I  do,  by  jingo! — What  a  go  it  is!" 


II 


"  What  is  in  the  wind,  I  wonder ! "  muttered  Titmouse. 

"  Who  knows — hem  ! "  he  paused,  and  once  more  read  over 

the  paragraph. — "  It  can't — no,  curse  me,  it  can't  be — 

"  What  can't  be,  Tit?"  interrupted  Huckaback. 

"Why,  I've  been  thinking — it  can't  be  a  cursed  hoax  of  the 
chaps  at  Tag-rag's  ?" 


NtXT    OF   KIN- 
|  I  ' /IMPORTANT-' 

i        '"  WK&t  a  go  it  iS  } 

"  Bo  !— Is  there  any  of  'em  flush  enough  of  money  to  do  the 
thing?  And  how  should  they  think  it  would  ever  come  to 
be  seen  by  you? — Then,  there  isn't  a  chap  among  them  that 
could  compose  a  piece  like  that." 

"  Ah  !  I  don't  know,"  said  Titmouse  doubtfully.  "  But— 
honor!— do  you  really  now  think  there's  anything  in  it?" 


12  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"I  do-hanged  if  I  don't,  Tit!" 

"Give  me  your  hand,  Hucky,"  shouted  Titmouse,  jumping 
up,  and  dancing  about  in  a  wild  ecstasy,  almost  breathless. 
"If  I  am  a  made  man — you  see,  Huck  ! — if  I  don't  give  you 
the  handsomest  breastpin  you  ever  saw!  No  paste!  real 
diamond! — Hurrah!  I  will,  by  jingo!" 

Huckaback  grasped  his  hand.  "  We've  always  been  friends, 
Tit — haven't  we?"  said  he. 

"My  room  won't  hold  me  to-night!"  continued  Titmouse. 
"  I  feel  as  if  I  was  swelling  all  over.  I'll  walk  the  streets  all 
night :  I  couldn't  sleep  a  wink  for  the  life  of  me.  I'll  walk 
about  till  the  shop  opens.  Confound  the  shop,  and  Tag-rag, 
and  everything  and  everybody  in  it !  Thirty-five  pounds  a- 
year  !  See  if  I  won't  spend  as  much  in  cigars  the  first  month  !" 

"Cigars!  Is  that  your  go?  Now,  /should  take  lessons  in 
boxing,  to  begin  with.  It's  a  deuced  high  thing,  you  may  de- 
pend upon  it,  and  you  can't  be  fit  company  for  swells  without 
it,  Tit!  You  can't,  by  Jove!" 

"Whatever  you  like,  whatever  you  like,  Hucky!"  cried 
Titmouse  adding,  in  a  sort  of  ecstasy,  "  I'm  sorry  to  say  it, 
but  how  precious  lucky  that  my  father  and  mother's  dead, 
and  that  I'm  an  only  child!"  Here  he  took  such  a  sudden 
leap,  that  he  split  his  trousers  very  awkwardly,  and  that 
sobered  him  for  a  moment,  while  they  made  arrangements  for 
cobbling  it  up  with  a  needle  and  thread  which  Huckaback 
always  had  by  him. 

"We're  rather  jumping  in  the  dark  a-bit,  aren't  we,  Tit?" 
inquired  Huckaback,  while  his  companion  was  repairing  the 
breach.  "  Let's  look  what  it  all  means — here  it  is."  He  read 
it  all  aloud  again — " l  greatest  possible  importance1 — what  can 
it  mean?" 

"  What !  in  a  newspaper  ?  Lord,  Hucky  !  how  many  Tit- 
mouses  would  start  up  on  all  sides,  if  there  isn't  some  already. 
I  wonder  what  '  greatest  possible  importance*  can  mean,  now!" 

"  Some  one's  left  you  an  awful  lot  of  money,  of  course." 

"It's  too  good  to  be  true " 

"  Or  you  may  have  made  a  smite ;  you  a'n't  such  a  bad- 
looking  fellow,  when  you're  dressed  as  you  are  now — you 
a'n't  indeed,  Titty!"  Mr.  Titmouse  was  quite  flustered  with 
the  mere  supposition,  and  also  looked  as  sheepish  as  his 
features  would  admit  of. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  13 

"E-e-e-eh,  Hucky !  how  ve-ry  silly  you  are!"  he  simpered. 

"(X-  you  may  be  found  out  heir  to  some  great  property, 
and  all  that  kind  of  thing.  But  when  do  you  intend  to  go  to 
Messrs.  What's-their-name  ?  I  say,  the  sooner  the  better. 
Why  shouldn't  we  go  to  these  gents  now?  Ah,  here  they  are." 

"  I  wonder  if  they're  great  men  ?  Did  you  ever  hear  of 
them  before?" 

"Haven't  I!  Their  names  is  always  in  this  same  paper; 
they  are  every  day  getting  people  off  out  of  all  kinds  of 
scrapes — they're  the  chaps  /  should  nat'rally  go  to  if  I  any- 
how got  wrong — ahem!" 

"  But,  my  dear  fellow — Saffron  Hill! — Low,  that — devilish 
low,  'pon  my  soul !  Never  was  near  it  in  my  life." 

"  But  they  live  there  to  be  near  the  thieves.  Lud,  the 
thieves  couldn't  do  without  'em!  But  what's  that  to  you? 
Isn't  it  enough  for  you,  Tit,  if  they  can  make  good  their  ad- 
vertisement? Let's  off,  Tit;  for  you  mayn't  be  able  to  get 
there  to-morrow — your  employers — 

"  My  employers  !  Do  you  think,  Hucky,  I'm  going  back  to 
business  after  this?" 

"Come,  come,  Titty — not  so  fast — suppose  it  all  turns  out 
moonshine,  after  all?"  quoth  Huckaback,  seriously. 

"  Lord,  but  I  won't  suppose  it !  It  makes  me  sick  to  think 
of  nothing  coming  of  it ! — Let's  go  off  at  once,  and  see  what's 
to  be  done !" 

So  Huckaback  put  the  newspaper  in  his  pocket,  blew  out 
the  candle,  and  the  two  started  on  their  important  errand. 
In  due  time  they  reached  the  residence  of  which  they  were  in 
search.  It  was  a  large  house,  infinitely  superior  to  all  its 
dingy  neighbors ;  and  on  a  bright  brass  plate  stood  the  awe- 
inspiring  words,  "Quirk,  Gammon  &  Snap,  Solicitors." 

"Now,  Tit,"  whispered  Huckaback,  "ring  away!  Faint 
heart  never  wins!" 

"Well,  it  must  be  done;  so — here  goes!"  In  a  very  few 
moments  they  heard  some  one  undoing  the  fastenings  of  the 
door,  and  a  little  old  woman  stood  before  them,  candle  in 
hand. 

"Who  are  you?"  she  exclaimed,  crustily. 

"  Is  this  Messrs. — what  is  it,  Huck  ?— Oh  !  Messrs.  Quirk 
&  Co.'s?"  inquired  Titmouse,  tapping  the  end  of  his  cane 
against  his  chin,  with  a  desperate  effort  to  appear  at  his  ease. 


i4  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Why,  where  are  your  eyes?  I  should  think  you  might 
have  seen  what  was  wrote  on  this  here  plate — it's  large 
enough!  What's  your  business?" 

"  We  want— Give  us  the  paper,  Hucky"— he  added,  address- 
ing his  companion,  who  produced  it  in  a  moment;  and  Tit- 
mouse would  have  proceeded  to  possess  the  old  woman  of  all 
his  little  heart,  when  she  cut  him  short  by  saying,  snap- 
pishly— "They  aren't  none  on  'em  in;  nor  never  is  on  Sun- 
days— so  you'll  just  call  to-morrow  if  you  wants  'em." 

The  friends  consulted  for  a  moment,  and  then  Titmouse 
asked  if  he  might  go  in  and  write  a  letter  to  Messrs.  Quirk. 

"No  indeed!"  said  she;  "how  do  I  know  who  you  are? 
There's  a  public-house  close  by,  where  you  may  write  what 
you  like,  and  bring  it  here,  and  they'll  get  it  the  first  thing  in 
the  morning."  With  which  the  old  janitrix  shut  the  door  in 
their  faces. 

"Huck,  'pon  my  life,  I  am  afraid  there's  nothing  in  it,"  said 
Titmouse,  despondingly,  to  his  friend. 

"Oudacious  old  toad  !"  muttered  Huckaback  indignantly. 

"  Hucky — I'm  sure  there's  nothing  in  it ! "  exclaimed  Tit- 
mouse after  a  long  pause,  looking  earnestly  at  his  friend, 
hoping  to  draw  from  him  a  contrary  opinion. 

"  I — I  own  I  don't  half  like  the  looks  of  it,"  replied  Hucka- 
back, putting  his  newspaper  into  his  pocket  again;  "but  we'll 
try  if  we  can't  write  a  letter  to  sound  'em,  and  so  far  take 
the  old  creature's  advice.  Here's  the  public-house.  Come, 
let's  see  what's  to  be  done." 

Titmouse,  greatly  depressed,  followed  his  friend;  and  they 
soon  provided  themselves  with  implements  for  writing.  The 
following  epistle  was  their  joint  composition  : 

"To  Messers,  QUIRK,   GAMMON  AND  SNAP. 

"Sir, — Your  Names  being  Put  In  a  Advertisement  in  This 
present  Sunday  Flash,  Newspaper  of  To-day's  Date,  Mr.  T.  T. 
Begs  To  inform  Your  respectable  House  I  feel  Uncommon 
anxious  To  speak  with  them  On  This  truly  interesting  sub- 
ject, seeing  It  mentions  The  Name  Of  Gabriel  Tittlebat  Tit- 
mouse, which  Two  last  Names  Of  That  Deceased  Person  my 
Own  name  is,  which  can  Any  Day  (As  soon  As  Possible) 
call  and  prove  To  you,  By  telling  you  The  Same,  truly.  He 
being  Engaged  in  Business  During  the  week  Very  close,  (for 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  15 

The  Present,)  I  hope  that  If  they  Have  Any  thing  particular 
To  say  To  Him,  they  will  write  To  me  without  The  least  De- 
lay, and  please  address  T.  T.  at  Tag-rag  and  Co.'s,  No.  375, 
Oxford  Street,  Post-Paid,  which  will  ensure  Its  Being  duly 
Taken  In  By  my  Employers,  and  am, 

"  Gents, 

"Yours  to  Command, 

"TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE." 

"P.  S.  My  friend,  that  Is  With  me  writing  This  (Mr. 
Robert  Huckaback,)  can  prove  who  I  am  If  necessitated  so 
to  do. 

"  N.  B.  Shall  have  no  objections  to  do  the  Liberal  Thing  if 
anything  suitable  Turns  Up  Of  It. 

T.  T. 

"  Forgot  to  Say,  am  The  only  Child  of  my  Honored  Par- 
ents, one  of  which  (my  Mother)  Died;  before  I  knew  them 
In  Lawful  Wedloc,  and  Was  27  last  Birth  Day,  Never  having 
Seen  your  Advertisement  Till  This  Night,  wh,  if  Necessary 
can  Prove." 

This  perspicuous  and  truly  elegant  performance  having 
been  thrice  subjected  to  the  critical  examination  of  the  friends 
(the  paragraph  concerning  Huckaback  having  been  inserted 
at  the  instance  of  that  gentleman),  was  then  safely  deposited 
with  the  old  woman  of  the  house ;  and  then  the  two  West-End 
gentlemen  hastened  away  from  that  truly  plebeian  part  of  the 
town. 


CHAPTER    II 

WHEREIN  THE  HERO  MAKES  THE  ACQUAINTANCE  OF  MR.  OILY 

GAMMON,    AND  INCURS  THE  ENMITY  OF 

MR.  THOMAS    TAG-RAG 

NOTHING  transpired,  the  next  morning,  alas !  to  vary  the 
monotonous  duties  of  the  shop.  Every  other  minute  Tit- 
mouse cast  a  feverish  glance  toward  the  door.  He  almost 
dropped  at  one  time,  as  a  postman  crossed  from  the  oppo- 
site side  of  the  street  as  if  to  enter  their  shop — passing  on 
immediately,  however,  to  the  next  door.  Not  a  person,  in 
short,  entered  the  premises  that  he  did  not  scrutinize  nar- 
rowly and  anxiously,  but  in  vain.  No — buying  and  selling 
was  the  order  of  the  day,  as  usual !  Eleven  o'clock  struck, 
and  at  that  moment  a  voice  called  out  to  him  from  near  the 
door — "  Titmouse  !  Wanted  ! " 

"Coming!"  he  shouted,  turning  as  white  as  the  cambric 
he  held  in  his  hands. 

The  stranger  who  had  inquired  for  him  was  of  a  slight 
gentlemanly  figure,  above  the  average  height.  His  counte- 
nance was  very  striking.  He  was  dressed  with  simplicity — 
somewhat  carelessly  perhaps,  and  appeared  somewhere  about 
thirty-six  or  thirty-seven  years  of  age.  He  bowed  slightly  as 
Titmouse  approached  him,  and  an  air  of  very  serious  surprise 
came  over  his  expressive  countenance. 

"Mr.  Titmouse?"  he  inquired,  blandly. 

"Ye-e-s,  sir,  at  your  service,"  replied  Titmouse,  trembling 
involuntarily  all  over. 

"You  favored  us  by  leaving  a  note  at  our  office  last 
night?"  he  inquired;  lowering  his  voice  to  a  whisper. 

"Yes,  sir,  hoping  it  was  no — 

"  Pray,  Mr.  Titmouse,  can  we  be  alone  for  about  five  or  ten 
minutes?" 

"I — I — don't  exactly  know,  here,  sir;  I'm  afraid — against 
the  rules  of  the  house— but— I'll  ask.  Here  is  Mr.  Tag-rag.— 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  17 

May  I  step  into  the  cloak-room  with  this  gentleman  for  a  few 
minutes,  sir?"  he  continued,  addressing  his  imperious  em- 
ployer, who  had  followed  Titmouse  and  stood  at  a  yard  or 
two's  distance,  eying  the  two  with  a  fussy  dissatisfied  look. 

Mr.  Tag-rag  was  about  fifty -two  years  old ;  a  tyrant  in  his 
little  way ;  a  compound  of  ignorance,  selfishness,  and  conceit. 
He  knew  nothing  on  earth  except  the  price  of  his  goods,  and 
how  to  make  the  most  of  his  business.  He  was  of  middle  size, 
with  a  tendency  to  corpulence.  He  had  a  dull,  gray  eye,  with 
white  eyelashes,  and  no  eyebrows;  a  forehead  that  seemed 
ashamed  of  his  face,  it  retreated  so  far  and  so  abruptly  back 
from  it ;  his  face  was  pretty  deeply  pitted  with  the  smallpox ; 
his  nose  consisted  of  two  great  nostrils  looking  at  you  impu- 
dently out  of  the  middle  of  his  face ;  his  closely  cut  whiskers 
came  in  points  to  each  corner  of  his  mouth,  which  was  large, 
shapeless,  and  sensual-looking. 

"  You  know  quite  well,  sir,  we  never  allow  anything  of  the 
sort,"  was  his  short  reply,  in  a  very  disagreeable  tone  and 
manner,  to  the  modest  request  of  Titmouse. 

"  May  I  beg  the  favor  of  a  few  minutes'  private  conversa- 
tion with  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  the  stranger,  politely,  "on 
matter  of  importance  to  him?  My  name,  sir,  is  Gammon, 
and  I  am  a  solicitor." 

"Why,  sir,"  answered  Tag-rag,  somewhat  cowed  by  the 
decisive  manner  of  Mr.  Gammon,  "  it's  really  decidedly  against 
the  rules  of  the  house,  but — I  suppose — what  must  be  must 
be.  I'll  give  him  ten  minutes — and  he'd  better  not  stay 
longer,"  he  subjoined  fiercely — looking  significantly  at  Tit- 
mouse. "  It's  only  for  the  sake  of  the  other  young  men, 
sir.  In  a  large  establishment  like  ours,  we're  obliged,  you 
know,  sir,"  he  added.  Mr.  Gammon,  with  a  slight  bow  and 
a  sarcastic  smile,  presently  quitted  the  shop,  accompanied 
by  Titmouse. 

In  less  than  two  minutes,  Mr.  Gammon  was  sitting  at 
Titmouse's  little  rickety  round  table,  at  his  lodgings,  asking 
him  a  number  of  questions  concerning  his  birth  and  family 
connections,  and  taking  down  his  answers  very  carefully. 
Mr.  Titmouse  was  surprised  at  the  gentleman's  knowledge  01 
the  family  history  of  the  Titmouses.  As  for  papers,  etc., 
Mr.  Titmouse  succeeded  in  producing  four  or  five  old  letters 
and  memoranda  and  one  or  two  entries  on  the  fly-leaf  of  a 


i8 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


Bible  of  his  father's.  With  these  documents  Mr.  Gammon 
was  so  much  struck  that  he  proposed  to  take  them  away 
with  him  for  better  and  more  leisurely  examination  and 
safer  custody,  at  their  office;  but  Mr.  Titmouse  hinted  at 
his  very  recent  acquaintance  with  Mr.  Gammon,  who,  he 


He'd  better  not 
stay   longer." 


intimated,  was  at  liberty  to  make  exact  copies  of  them,  in 
his  presence. 

"  Oh,  certainly — yes,"  replied  Mr.  Gammon,  slightly  color- 
ing at  the  distrust  implied  by  this  observation;  "I  applaud 
your  caution,  Mr.  Titmouse.  By  all  means  keep  them,  and 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  19 

most  carefully;  because  it  is  quite  possible  that  they  may 
become  rather  valuable — to  you." 

"Thank  you,  sir;  and  now,"  said  Titmouse,  "I  should 
most  uncommonly  like  to  know  what  all  this  means?" 

''  The  law,   my  dear  sir,  is  proverbially  uncertain — 

"  Oh,  Lord !  but  the  law  can  give  me  a  hint — 

"  The  law  never  hints"  interrupted  Mr.  Gammon  impres- 
sively, with  a  bland  smile. 

"  Well,  then,  how  did  you  come,  sir,  to  know  that  there  ever 
was  such  a  person  as  Mr.  Gabriel  Titmouse,  my  father?  And 
what  can  come  from  him,  seeing  he  was  only  a  bit  of  a  shoe- 
maker— unless  he's  heir  to  something?" 

"  Why,  you  see,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  Gammon,  with  an 
agreeable  smile — (it  was  that  smile  of  his  that  had  been 
the  making  of  Mr.  Gammon) — "your  curiosity  is  perfectly 
reasonable,  and  your  frankness  very  obliging;  and  I  see  no 
difficulty  in  admitting  at  once,  that  /  have  had  a  motive ' 

"  Yes,  sir — and  all  that — /know,  sir,"  interrupted  Titmouse, 
without  disturbing  the  placid  speaker. 

"And  that  we  waited  with  some  anxiety  for  the  result  of 
our  advertisement." 

"Ah,  you  can't  escape  from  that,  you  know,  sir!"  inter- 
posed Titmouse,  with  a  confident  air. 

"  But  it  is  a  maxim  with  us,  my  dear  sir,  never  to  be  pre- 
mature in  anything,  especially  when  it  may  be — very  preju- 
dicial ;  and  in  the  present  stage  of  the  business  I  really  do  see 
it  necessary  not  to — do  anything  premature  and  without 
consulting  my  partners." 

"Lord,  sir!"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  getting  more  and  more 
irritated  and  impatient  as  he  reflected  on  the  length  of  his 
absence  from  Tag-rag  &  Co.'s.  "  Is  it  money  that's  been  left 
to  me — or — anything  of  that  sort?  Not  meaning  it  rudely, 
sir — please  tell  me  at  once,  plainly,  am  I  to  be  the  better 
for  anything  you're  now  about?" 

"  That  may  or  may  not  be,  sir,"  answered  Mr.  Gammon,  in 
the  same  imperturbable  manner,  drawing  on  his  gloves,  and 
rising  from  his  chair.  "  In  justice  to  yourself,  and  other 
parties  concerned- — 

"Oh!  is  anybody  to  share  in  it?"  exclaimed  Titmouse, 
alarmedly. 

"I  am  sure,"  said  Gammon,  smiling,  "that  you  will  give  us 


20  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

credit  for  consulting  your  best  interests.  We  sincerely  desire 
to  advance  them;  and  this  matter  occupies  a  good  deal  of 
our  time  and  anxiety.  It — it  is  really"  looking  at  his  watch, 
"  upward  of  an  hour  since  we  quitted  your  place  of  business — 
I  fear  I  shall  get  into  disgrace  with  that  respectable  gentle- 
man your  employer.  Will  you  favor  us  with  a  call  at  our 
office  to-morrow  night,  when  the  business  of  the  day  is  over  ? 
When  do  you  quit  at  night?" 

"About  half-past  nine  o'clock,  sir;  but  couldn't  I  come  to- 
night, sir?" 

"  Not  to-night,  my  dear  sir.  We  have  an  engagement.  Let 
us  say  to-morrow  night  at  a  quarter  past  ten." 

"  Well,  sir,  I'll  be  with  you.    But  I  must  say " 

"  Good-day,  Mr.  Titmouse."  They  were  by  this  time  in  Ox- 
ford Street  again.  "Good-day,  my  dear  sir — to-morrow 
night,  as  soon  after  ten  as  posible — eh?  Good-by." 

This  was  all  that  Titmouse  could  get  out  of  Mr.  Gammon, 
who,  hailing  a  coach  off  the  stand  beside  them,  got  into  it, 
and  was  soon  making  his  way  eastward.  Titmouse  felt  very 
much  like  a  squeezed  orange;  he  had  told  everything  he 
knew  about  himself  and  got  nothing  in  return  out  of  the 
smooth,  imperturbable,  impenetrable  Mr.  Gammon  but  empty 
civilities.  "Lord,  Lord!"  thought  Titmouse,  as  Mr.  Gam- 
mon's coach  turned  the  corner,  "  what  would  I  give  to  know 
half  about  it  that  that  gent  knows  !  But  Mr.  Tag-rag !  by 
Jove!  what  a>///he  say?  I've  been  more  than  an  hour  away 
— and  he  gave  me  ten  minutes!  Sha'n't  I  catch  it?" 

And  he  did.  Almost  the  very  first  person  he  met,  on  enter- 
ing the  shop,  was  Mr.  Tag-rag,  who  motioned  the  trembling 
Titmouse  to  follow  him  to  the  further  end  of  the  long  shop, 
where  there  happened  to  be  no  customer. 

"Is  this  your  ten  minutes,  sir,  eh?" 

"I  am  sorry — 

"Where  may  you  have  been,  sir,  all  this  while?" 

"  With  that  gentleman,  sir,  and  I  really  did  not  know " 

"  You  didn't  know,  sir !  Who  cares  what  you  know,  or 
don't  know!  You  know  you  ought  to  have  been  back  fifty- 
five  minutes  ago,  sir.  You  do,  sir.  Isn't  your  time  my  prop- 
erty, sir?  Don't  I  pay  for  it,  sir?  An  hour! — in  the  middle 
of  the  day  !  I  have  not  had  such  a  thing  happen  this  five 
years !  I'll  stop  it  out  of  your  salary,  sir." 

Titmouse  did  not  attempt  to  interrupt  him. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  21 

"And  pray  what  have  you  been  gossiping  about,  sir,  in 
this  disgraceful  manner?" 

''Something  that  he  wanted  to  say  to  me,  sir." 

"  You  low  puppy  ! — do  you  suppose  I  don't  see  your  imper- 
tinence? I  insist,  sir,  on  knowing  what  all  this  gossiping 
with  that  fellow  has  been  about?" 

"Then  you  won't  know,  that's  flat!"  replied  Titmouse 
doggedly;  returning  to  his  usual  station  behind  the  counter. 

"I  sha'n't?" 

"No,  sir;  you  sha'n't  know  a  single  word  about  it." 

"  Sha'n't  know  a  single  word  about  it !  Vastly  good,  sir  !  — 
Do  you  know  whom  you're  talking  to,  sir?  Do  you  really 
know  in  whose  presence  you  are,  sir!" 

"  Mr.  Tag-rag,  I  presume,  of  the  firm  of  Tag-rag  &  Co.," 
replied  Titmouse,  looking  him  full  in  the  face.  One  or  two 
of  his  companions  near  him  almost  turned  pale  at  the  au- 
dacity he  was  displaying. 

"And  who  are  you,  sir,  that  dare  to  presume  to  bandy 
words  with  me,  sir?"  inquired  Tag-rag,  his  deeply  pitted  face 
having  gone  quite  white  and  his  whole  body  quivering  with  rage. 

"Tittlebat  Titmouse,  at  your  service,"  was  the  answer  in  a 
glib  tone  and  with  a  sufficiently  saucy  air. 

"You  heard  that,  I  hope?"  inquired  Tag-rag,  with  forced 
calmness,  of  a  pale-faced  young  man,  the  nearest  to  him. 

"Ye — es,  sir,"  was  the  meekly  reluctant  answer. 

"This  day  month  you  leave,  sir!"  said  Mr.  Tag-rag  sol- 
emnly— as  if  conscious  that  he  was  passing  a  sort  of  sentence 
of  death  upon  the  presumptuous  delinquent. 

"  Very  well,  Mr.  Tag-rag — anything  that  pleases  you  pleases 
your  humble  servant.  I  w///go  this  day  month,  and  welcome 
— I've  long  wished — 

"  Then  you  sha'n't  leave,  sir,"  said  Tag-rag,  furiously. 

"But  I  will,  sir.  You've  given  me  warning;  and  if  you 
haven't,  now  I  give  you  warning,"  replied  Titmouse;  turning, 
however,  very  pale,  and  experiencing  a  certain  sudden  sinking 
of  the  heart — for  this  was  a  serious  and  most  unlooked-for 
event,  and  for  a  while  put  out  of  his  head  all  the  agitating 
thoughts  of  the  last  few  hours.  Poor  Titmouse  had  enough 
to  bear — what  with  the  delicate  raillery  and  banter  of  his 
accomplished  companions  for  the  rest  of  the  day,  and  the 
galling  tyranny  of  Mr.  Tag-rag,  and  the  state  of  miserable 
suspense  in  which  Mr.  Gammon  had  left  him. 


CHAPTER    III 

DESCRIBES  THE  OPENING  OF  A  DAZZLING  POSSIBILITY  BEFORE 

THE  HERO'S  VISION  BY  MESSRS.  QUIRK, 

GAMMON,   AND  SNAP 

A  FEW  minutes  after  ten  o'clock  the  following  night,  a 
gentle  ringing  at  the  bell  of  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and 
Snap's  office  announced  the  arrival  of  poor  Titmouse.  The 
door  was  quickly  opened  by  a  clerk. 

"Ah — Mr.  Titmouse,  I  presume?"  he  inquired. 

"  The  same,  sir — Tittlebat  Titmouse." 

"Oh!  allow  me,  sir,  to  show  you  in."  With  this  he  led  the 
way  to  an  inner  room.  Three  gentlemen  were  sitting  at  a 
large  table,  on  which  were  lying  a  great  number  of  papers 
and  parchments.  They  rose  when  he  entered,  Mr.  Quirk  and 
Mr.  Snap  involuntarily  starting  on  first  catching  sight  of  the 
figure  of  Titmouse;  Mr.  Gammon  came  and  shook  hands  with 
him. 

"Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  he,  with  a  very  polite  air,  "let  me 
introduce  you  to  Mr.  Quirk" — (This  was  the  senior  partner, 
a  short,  stout,  elderly  gentleman,  dressed  in  black,  with  a 
shining  bald  head  and  white  hair  and  sharp  black  eyes,  and 
who  looked  very  earnestly,  nay,  with  even  a  kind  of  dismay, 
at  him) — "and  Mr.  Snap" — (This  was  the  junior  partner;  he 
was  about  thirty,  particularly  well  dressed,  slight,  active,  and 
with  a  face  like  a  terrier — hard,  sharp,  and  wiry  ! )  Mr.  Gam- 
mon appeared  altogether  a  different  style  of  person  from  his 
partners.  He  was  of  most  gentlemanly  person  and  bearing — 
and  at  once  acute,  cautious,  and  insinuating — with  a  certain 
something  about  the  eye  which  made  Titmouse  feel  uneasy 
on  looking  at  him. 

"A  seat,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Quirk,  placing  a  chair  for  him. 

"You  are  punctual,  Mr.  Titmouse!"  exclaimed  Mr.  Gam- 
mon, with  a  smile.  "Pray  what  did  that  worthy  Mr.  Rag-bag 
— or  whatever  his  name  is— say,  on  your  return?" 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  23 

"Say,  gents?"  (he  tried  to  clear  his  throat,  for  he  spoke 
somewhat  more  thickly,  and  his  heart  beat  more  perceptibly 
than  usual) — "  Meaning  no  offense — I'm  ruined  by  it,  and  no 
mistake." 

"Ruined!     I'm  sorry  to  hear  it,"  said  Mr.  Gammon. 

"I  am,  indeed,  sir.  He's  given  me  warning  to  go  on  the 
zoth  of  next  month." 

"Dear  me,  Mr.  Titmouse! — Did  he  allege  any  reason  for 
dismissing  you?"  keenly  inquired  Mr.  Quirk. 

"Yes,  sir.  Stopping  out  longer  than  I  was  allowed,  and 
refusing  to  tell  him  what  we  had  been  talking  about." 

"Ha,  ha,  ha!"  laughed  Mr.  Quirk  and  Mr.  Gammon — but 
such  a  laugh  ! — not  careless  or  hearty,  but  subdued,  and  with 
a  dash  of  deference  in  it.  "  Well— it  perhaps  may  not  signify 
much." 

"  But,  gents,  you'll  excuse  me  if  I  say  I  think  it  does  signify 
to  me,  and  a'n't  any  laughing  matter ! "  quoth  Titmouse 
earnestly,  and  coloring  with  anger.  "Without  being  rude, 
I'd  rather  come  to  business,  if  there's  any  to  be  done,  with- 
out so  much  laughing  at  me." 

"  Laughing  at  you  !  my  dear  sir, — no,  no  ! "  exclaimed  all 
three  in  a  breath — "laughing  with  you,"  said  Mr.  Quirk! — 
"  By  the  time  you  mention  you  may  perhaps  be  able  to  laugh 
at  Mr.  Rag-bag,  and  everybody  else,  for  I  really  think  we  are 
warranted,  sir,  in  preparing  you  to  expect  by  that  time — that 
is,  if  our  efforts  are  successful  in  your  behalf,  and  if  you  yield 
yourself  implicitly  in  all  things  to  our  guidance — a  prospect 
of  a  surprising  and  splendid  change  in  your  circumstances!" 
Titmouse  began  to  tremble  violently,  his  heart  beat  rapidly, 
and  his  hands  were  bedewed  with  a  cold  moisture. 

"  I  hear,  gents,"  said  he,  thickly. 

"It's  not  impossible,  sir,  in  plain  English,"  continued  Mr. 
Quirk,  "  that  you  may  at  no  distant  time  (if  you  turn  out  to 
be  the  person)  be  put  into  possession  of  an  estate  of  some- 
where about  Ten  Thousand  a  year " 

The  words  seemed  to  have  struck  Titmouse  blind — as  he 
saw  nothing  for  some  moments;  then  everything  seemed 
swimming  around  him,  and  he  felt  a  sort  of  faintness 
stealing  over  him.  The  solicitors  had  hardly  been  prepared 
for  their  communications  affecting  their  little  visitor  so  power- 
fully. It  was  a  good  while  before  he  could  appreciate  the 


24 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


little  conversation  which  they  now  and  then  addressed  to 
him,  or  estimate  the  full  importance  of  the  astounding  intel- 
ligence Mr.  Quirk  had  just  communicated.  "  Beg  pardon — but 
may  I  make  free  to  ask  for  a  little  brandy  and  water,  gents  ? 
I  feel  all  over  in  a  kind  of  tremble,"  said  he,  some  time  after- 
ward. 

"Yes — by  all  means,  Mr.  Titmouse.     Mr.  Snap,  will  you  be 
kind  enough  to  order  Betty  to  bring  in  a  glass  of  cold  brandy 


You    may   Le   put  in 

ejiiork    of  . .  -  about 
"Ten  Thousand    -d.-eir 


and  water  from  the  Jolly  Thieves,  next  door?"  This  quickly 
manifested  its  influence,  reassuring  him  wonderfully.  As  he 
sat  sipping  it,  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  engaged  in 
an  earnest  conversation,  of  which  he  could  understand  little 
or  nothing.  Sometimes  they  addressed  questions  to  him, 
but  he  found  it  difficult  to  keep  his  attention  up  to  anything 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  25 

said  to  him  for  the  wild  visions  that  were  chasing  one 
another  through  his  heated  brain,  not  a  little  accelerated  by 
the  large  tumbler  of  brandy  and  water. 

"  Then,  in  fact,"  said  Mr.  Quirk,  at  last,  "  Mr.  Titmouse's 
title  accrued  in  18— ?  That's  the  point— eh,  Gammon?" 

"  Precisely  so,"  said  Mr.  Gammon  calmly. 

"  To  be  sure,"  confidently  added  Snap,  who,  having  devoted 
himself  exclusively  all  his  life  to  the  sharpest  practise  of  the 
criminal  law,  knew  about  as  much  of  real  property  law  as  a 
snipe. 

"Well,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  continued  Mr.  Quirk,  laying  aside 
his  glasses — "  you  are  likely  to  be  one  of  the  luckiest  men  of 
your  day !  We  may  be  mistaken,  but  it  appears  to  us  that 
your  right  is  clear  to  the  immediate  enjoyment  of  a  fine  es- 
tate in  Yorkshire,  worth  some  ^"10,000  or  £i  2,000  a  year  !" 

"  You  don't  say  so !  Oh,  gents !  I  do  believe  we're  all 
dreaming!  Is  it  all  true,  indeed?" 

"It  is,  Mr.  Titmouse — and  we  are  very  proud  and  happy 
indeed  to  be  the  honored  instruments  of  establishing  your 
rights,"  said  Mr.  Gammon. 

"There'll  be  a  jolly  reckoning  for  some  one,  then,  shortly 
—eh?  My  stars!" 

"My  dear  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  Mr.  Gammon,  "you  have  a 
most  just  regard  for  your  own  interests;  there  will  be  a 
reckoning,  and  a  very  terrible  one  ere  long,  for  somebody — 
but  we've  time  enough  before  us  for  all  that !  Only  let  us 
have  the  unspeakable  happiness  of  seeing  you  once  fairly  in 
possession  of  your  estates,  and  our  office  shall  know  no  rest 
till  you  have  got  all  you  are  entitled  to — every  farthing 
even !" 

"Oh,  never  fear  our  letting  them  rest!"  said  Mr.  Quirk, 
judiciously  accommodating  himself  to  the  taste  and  appre- 
hension of  his  excited  auditor.  "Those  that  must  give  up 
the  goose  must  give  up  the  giblets  also — ha,  ha,  ha  !"  Messrs. 
Gammon  and  Snap  echoed  the  laugh,  and  enjoyed  the  joke  of 
the  head  of  the  firm. 

"Ha,  ha,  ha!"  laughed  Mr.  Titmouse,  immensely  excited 
by  the  conjoint  influence  of  the  brandy  and  the  news  of  the 
night;  "capital!  capital!  hurrah!  Such  goings  on  there  will 
be!  You're  all  of  the  right  sorts,  gents,  I  see!  'Pon  my  life, 
law  for  ever !  Let's  all  shake  hands,  gents !  Come,  if  you 


26  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

please,  all  together!  all  friends  to-night!"  And  the  little 
fellow  grasped  each  of  the  three  readily  proffered  right  hands 
of  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap,  with  an  energy  that 
was  likely  to  make  all  the  high  contracting  parties  to  that 
quadruple  alliance  remember  its  ratification. 

"  And  is  it  all  a  ready-money  affair,  gents — or  rent,  and  all 
that  kind  of  thing?" 

"Why,  almost  entirely  the  latter,"  answered  Mr.  Quirk, 
"except  the  accumulations." 

"Then,'pon  my  soul — I'm  a  great  landlord,  am  I?" 

"Indeed,  my  dear  Mr.  Titmouse,  you  are,  and  have  two 
very  fine  .houses,  one  in  town  and  the  other  in  the  country." 

"  Capital !  delightful !  I'll  live  in  both  of  them — we'll  have 
such  goings  on  !  And  is  it  quite  up  to  the  mark  of  ,£10,000 
a  year?" 

"We  really  entertain  no  doubt — 

"And  such  that  I  can  spend  all  of  it,  every  year?" 

"Certainly — no  doubt  of  it — not  the  least.  The  rents  are 
paid  with  most  exemplary  punctuality — at  least,"  added  Mr. 
Gammon,  with  a  captivating  and  irresistible  smile,  and  taking 
him  affectionately  by  the  hand — "at  least  they  will  be,  as 
soon  as  we  have  them  fairly  in  our  management." 

"Oh,  you're  to  get  it  all  in  for  me,  are  you?"  he  inquired 
briskly.  The  three  partners  bowed,  with  the  most  depreca- 
tingly  disinterested  air  in  the  world,  intimating  that,  for  his 
sake,  they  were  ready  to  take  upon  themselves  even  that 
troublesome  responsibility. 

"  Capital !  couldn't  be  better  !  couldn't  be  better  !  Ah,  ha, 
ha — you've  catched  the  goose,  and  must  bring  me  its  eggs. 
Ah,  ha,  ha !  a  touch  in  your  line,  old  gent ! " 

"Ha,  ha,  ha!  excellent!  ah,  ha,  ha!"  laughed  the  three 
partners  at  the  wit  of  their  new  client.  Mr.  Titmouse  joined 
them,  and  snapped  his  fingers  in  the  air. 

"  Lord — I've  just  thought  of  Tag-rag  and  Company's — I 
seem  as  if  I  hadn't  seen  or  heard  of  those  gents  for  Lord 
knows  how  long !  Only  fancy  old  Tag-rag  making  me  a 
beggar  on  the  loth  of  next  month — ha,  ha,  ha! — I  sha'n't 
see  that  infernal  hole  any  more,  anyhow!" 

The  partners  looked  rather  blank. 

"We  would  venture  to  suggest,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  Mr. 
Gammon  seriously,  "the  absolute  necessity  there  is  for  every- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  27 

thing  on  your  part  and  our  parts  to  go  on  as  quietly  as 
before,  for  a  little  time  to  come  :  to  be  safe  and  successful, 
my  dear  sir,  we  must  be  secret" 

"Oh,  I  see,  gents!  I  see;  mum — mum's  the  word,  for  the 
present !  And  now,  gents — excuse  me,  but,  to  do  a  bit  of 
business — when  am  I  to  begin  scattering  the  shiners,  eh?"  he 
inquired. 

"Oh,  of  course,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Gammon,  coldly,  "some 
delay  is  unavoidable.  All  we  have  done,  as  yet,  is  to  discover 
that,  as  far  as  we  are  advised  and  can  judge,  you  will  turn 
out  to  be  the  right  owner;  but  very  expensive  operations 
must  be  commenced  before  you  can  be  put  into  possession. 
There  are  some  who  won't  be  persuaded  to  drop  ;£i  0,000  a 
year  out  of  their  hands,  for  the  mere  asking!" 

"  The  devil  there  are  !  Who  are  they  that  want  to  keep  me 
any  longer  out  of  what's  my  own? — what's  justly  mine? 
Eh  ?  I  want  to  know !  Haven't  they  kept  me  out  long 
enough  ? — hang  'em  !  Put  'em  in  prison  directly — don't  spare 
'em — rascals !" 

"  They'll  probably,  ere  long,  find  their  way  in  that  direction 
— for,  however,"  replied  Mr.  Quirk,  "he's  to  make  up,  poor 
devil,  the  mesne  profits " 

"  Mean  profits  ? — is  that  all  you  call  them,  gents  ?  '  Pon  my 
life,  it's  rogue's  money — villain's  profits !  So  don't  spare 
him — he's  robbed  the  fatherless,  which  I  am,  and  an  orphan. 
Keep  me  out  of  what's  mine,  indeed !  Curse  me  if  he  shall, 
though!" 

"My  dear  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  Gammon  gravely,  "we  are 
getting  on  too  fast — dreadfully  too  fast.  It  will  never  do : 
matters  of  such  immense  importance  as  these  cannot  be  hur- 
ried on,  or  talked  of,  in  this  way " 

"  No,  sir,  thanking  you  all  the  same ;  but  I  think  we'd  bet- 
ter go  on  with  it  now,"  replied  Titmouse  impetuously.  "  Do 
you  think  I  can  stoop  to  go  back  to  that  nasty,  beastly 
shop,  and  stand  behind  that  counter?" 

"Our  decided  opinion,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  Mr.  Quirk, 
emphatically,  "is  that  for  many  reasons  you  continue,  for  a 
little  while  longer,  in  your  present  situation " 

"What!  and  I  worth  ^"10,000  a  year?" 

"  My  dear  sir,  you've  not  got  it  yet,"  said  Mr.  Quirk. 

"  Do  you  think  you'd  have  told  me  what  you  have,  if  you 


28 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


Tittlebat  Titmouse  isnt 

to    be  trifled  with  ! 


weren't  sure  that  I  should,  tho?  Gents,  you'll  excuse  me — I 
hope  you  will;  but  business  is  business,  gents — it  is;  and  if 
you  won't  do  mine,  I  must  look  out  for  them  that  will — 
'pon  my  soul,  I  must,  and " 

"  In  your  present  humor,  Mr.  Titmouse,  it  would  be  in 
vain  to  discuss  the  matter,"  said  Mr.  Quirk.  "Again  I  tell 
you  that  the  course 
we  have  recommended 
is,  in  our  opinion,  the 
proper  one ;  excuse  me 
if  I  add,  that  you  are 
entirely  in  our  hands 
— and,  if  I  ask  you, 
what  can  you  do  but 
adopt  our  advice?" 

"Why,  hang  me  if 
I  won't  employ  some- 
body else — that's  flat ! 
S'elp  me  heaven,  I 
will !  So,  good-night, 
gents ;  you'll  find  that 
Tittlebat  Titmouse 
isn't  to  be  trifled 
with!"  So  saying, 
Mr.  Titmouse  clapped 
his  hat  on  his  head 
and  bounced  out  of 
the  room. 

"  Did  you  ever  see 
such  a  little  beast?" 
exclaimed  Mr.  Quirk, 
turning  to  Mr.  Snap. 

"Beggar  on  horseback!"  exclaimed  Snap. 

"  It  won't  do,  however,  for  him  to  go  at  large  in  his  present 
frame  of  mind — he  may  ruin  the  thing  altogether — 

"As  good  as  ^500  a  year  out  of  the  office,"  said  Snap. 

"  It  cannot  be  helped  now"  said  Mr.  Gammon,  with  a  sigh 
of  vexation,  turning  to  Mr.  Quirk,  and  seizing  his  hat — "  he 
must  be  managed — so  I'll  go  after  him  and  bring  him  back; 
and  we  must  really  try  and  do  something  for  him  to  keep 
him  quiet  till  the  thing's  brought  a  little  into  train." 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  29 

As  soon  as  Mr.  Titmouse  heard  the  street  door  shut  after 
him,  with  a  kind  of  bang,  he  snapped  his  fingers  once  or 
twice  by  way  of  letting  off  a  little  of  the  inflammable  air 
that  was  in  him,  and  muttered,  "  Pretty  chaps  those,  upon 
my  soul !  I'll  expose  them  all !  I'll  apply  to  the  lord  mayor — 
they're  a  pack  of  swindlers,  they  are !  This  is  the  way  they 
treat  me,  who've  got  a  title  to  ^10,000  a  year  !  To  be  sure" 
— He  stood  still  for  a  moment,  and  another  moment,  and 
dismay  came  quickly  over  him;  for  it  suddenly  occurred  to 
his  partially  obfuscated  intellect — what  hold  had  he  got  on 
Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap? — what  could  he  do? — 
what  had  he  done?  Each  second  of  his  deep  and  rapid  reflec- 
tion rendered  more  impetuous  his  desire  and"  determination 
to  return  and  make  his  peace  with  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon, 
and  Snap.  He  was  in  the  act  of  turning  toward  the  office, 
when  Mr.  Gammon  softly  laid  his  hand  upon  the  shoulder  of 
his  repentant  client. 

"Mr.  Titmouse!  my  dear  sir,  what  is  the  matter  with  you? 
How  could  we  so  misunderstand  each  other?" 

Titmouse's  small  cunning  was  on  the  qtii  vive,  and  he  saw 
and  followed  up  his  advantage.  "  I  am  going,"  said  he,  in 
a  resolute  tone,  "to  speak  to  some  one  else,  in  the  morn- 
ing." 

"Ah,  to  be  sure — I  supposed  as  much.  You  will  take  any 
steps,  my  dear  sir,  that  occur  to  you,  and  act  as  you  may 
be  advised." 

"  Monstrous  kind  of  you,  'pon  my  life !  to  come  and  give 
me  such  good  advice ! "  exclaimed  Titmouse  with  a  sneer. 

"Oh,  don't  mention  it !"  said  Gammon  coolly;  "  I  came  out 
of  pure  good  nature,  to  assure  you  that  our  office,  notwith- 
standing what  has  passed,  entertains  not  the  slightest  per- 
sonal ill  feeling  toward  you  for  thus  throwing  off  our  hands 
a  fearfully  expensive,  and  most  harassing  enterprise — which 
we  had  too  rashly  undertaken — 

"Hem!"  exclaimed  Titmouse  once  or  twice. 

"  So  good-night,  Mr.  Titmouse— good  night !  God  bless 
you!  we  part  friends!" 

"  Why,  sir,"  quoth  Titmouse,  with  a  mixture  of  embarrass- 
ment and  alarm,  "if  I  thought  you  all  meant  the  correct 
thing — hem  !  I  say,  the  correct  thing  by  me — I  shouldn't  so 
much  mind  a  little  disappointment  for  the  time;  but  you 


30  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

must  own,  Mr.  Gammon,  it  is  very  hard  being  kept  out  oi 
one's  own  so  long — honor,  now !  isn't  it  ?" 

"True,  very  true,  Mr.  Titmouse.  Very  hard  it  is,  indeed, 
to  bear,  and  we  all  felt  deeply  for  you,  and  would  have  set 
everything  in  train " 

"  Would  have " 

"Yes,  my  dear  Mr.  Titmouse,  we  would  have  done  it,  and 
brought  you  through  every  difficulty — over  every  obstacle, 
prodigious  though  they  are,  and  almost  innumerable." 

"Why — you — don't — hardly — quite — mean  to  say  you've 
given  it  all  up? — What,  already!  'Pon  my  life!  OLord!" 
exclaimed  Titmouse,  in  evident  trepidation. 

Mr.  Gammon  had  triumphed  over  Mr.  Titmouse !  whom, 
nothing  loath,  he  brought  back,  in  two  minutes'  time,  into 
the  room  which  Titmouse  had  just  before  so  rudely  quitted. 
Mr.  Quirk  and  Mr.  Snap  had  now  their  parts  to  perform  in 
the  little  scene  which  they  had  determined  on  enacting.  They 
were  in  the  act  of  locking  up  desks  and  drawers,  evidently 
on  the  move;  and  they  received  Mr.  Titmouse  with  an  air 
of  cold  surprise. 

"Mr.  Titmouse  again!"  exclaimed  Mr.  Quirk,  taking  his 
gloves  out  of  his  hat.  "  Back  again  ! — an  unexpected  honor." 

"Leave  anything  behind?"  inquired  Mr.  Snap — "don't  see 
anything " 

"Oh,  no,  sir!  No,  sir!"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  with  eager 
anxiety.  "  This  gent  and  I  have  made  it  all  up,  gents  !  I'm 
not  vexed  any  more — not  the  least;  'pon  my  soul  I'm  not." 

"It's  growing  very  late,"  said  Mr.  Quirk  coldly,  looking 
at  his  watch ;  "  however,  after  what  you  have  said,  probably 
at  some  future  time,  when  we've  leisure  to  look  into  the 
thing- 
Poor  Titmouse  was  ready  to  drop  on  his  knees,  in  mingled 
agony  and  fright. 

"May  I  be  allowed  to  say,"  interposed  the  bland  voice  of 
Mr.  Gammon,  addressing  himself  to  Mr.  Quirk,  "  that  Mr. 
Titmouse  a  few  minutes  ago  assured  me  that  if  you,  as  the 
head  of  the  firm,  could  only  be  persuaded  to  take  up  his 
case  again 

"I  did — I  did  indeed,  gents!  so  help  me !"  interrupted 

Mr.  Titmouse,  eagerly  backing  with  an  oath  the  ready  lie  of 
Mr.  Gammon. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  31 

Mr.  Quirk  drew  his  hand  across  his  chin  musingly,  and 
stood  silently  for  a  few  moments,  evidently  irresolute. 

"Well,"  said  he  at  length,  but  in  a  very  cool  way,  "since 
that  is  so,  probably  we  may  be  induced  to  resume  our  heavy 
labors  in  your  behalf;  and  if  you  will  favor  us  with  a  call  to- 
morrow night,  at  the  same  hour,  we  may  by  that  time  have 
made  up  our  minds  as  to  the  course  we  shall  think  fit  to 
adopt." 

"  Lord,  sir,  I'll  be  here  as  the  clock  strikes  and  as  meek  as 
a  mouse ;  and  pray,  have  it  all  your  own  way  for  the  future, 
gents — do!" 

"Good-night,  sir — good-night!"  exclaimed  the  partners, 
motioning  toward  the  door. 

"Good-night,  gents!"  said  Titmouse,  bowing  very  low,  and 
feeling  himself  at  the  same  time  being  bowed  out!  As  he 
passed  out  of  the  room,  he  cast  a  lingering  look  at  their 
three  frigid  faces,  as  if  they  were  angels  sternly  shutting  him 
out  from  Paradise. 


CHAPTER  IV 

TELLS  HOW  MR.  HUCKABACK  INTERFERES  IN  THE  AFFAIR,  WITH 
DISASTROUS  RESULTS  BOTH  TO  HIMSELF 
AND  THE  HERO 

CLOSET  COURT  had  never  looked  so  odious  to  Titmouse  as  it 
did  on  his  return  from  this  memorable  interview.  Dreadfully 
distressed  and  harassed,  he  flung  himself  on  his  bed  for  a 
moment,  directly  he  had  shut  his  door,  intending  presently  to 
rise  and  undress;  but  Sleep,  having  got  him  prostrate,  secured 
her  victory.  She  waved  her  black  wand  over  him,  and — he 
woke  not  till  eight  o'clock  in  the  morning.  When  he  heard 
the  clock  strike  he  sprung  off  the  bed  in  a  fright.  Dashing  a 
little  water  into  his  face,  and  scarce  staying  to  wipe  it  off.  he 
ran  down-stairs,  through  the  court,  and  along  the  street, 
never  stopping  till  he  had  found  his  way  into — almost  the 
very  arms  of  the  dreaded  Mr.  Tag-rag ! 

"Yours  very  respectfully,  Mr.  Titmouse — Thomas  Tag- 
rag  !"  exclaimed  that  personage  with  mock  solemnity,  bowing 
to  his  breathless  shopman. 

"I — I — beg  your  pardon,  sir;  but  I  wasn't  very  well,  and 
over-slept  myself,"  stammered  Titmouse. 

"Ne-ver  mind,  Mr.  Titmouse!  ne-ver  mind! — it  don't  much 
signify,  as  it  happens,"  interrupted  Mr.  Tag-rag  bitterly; 
"you've  just  got  an  hour  and  a  half  to  take  this  piece  of 
silk,  with  my  compliments,  to  Messrs.  Shuttle  and  Weaver,  in 
Dirt  Street,  Spitalfields,  and  ask  them  if  they  aren't  ashamed 
to  send  it  to  a  West-end  house  like  mine;  and  bring  back  a  . 
better  piece  instead  of  it !  D'ye  hear,  sir  ?" 

"Yes,  sir — but — am  I  to  go  before  my  breakfast,  sir?" 

"Did  I  say  a  word  about  breakfast,  sir?  You  heard  my 
orders,  sir;  you  can  attend  to  them  or  not,  Mr.  Titmouse,  as 
you  please!" 

Off  trotted  Titmouse  instanter,  without  his  breakfast ;  and 
so  Tag-rag  gained  one  object  he  had  had  in  view. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  33 

Titmouse  was  detained  for  a  cruel  length  of  time  at  Messrs. 
Shuttle  and  Weaver's,  so  that  it  was  two  o'clock  before  he 
reached  Tag-rag's,  completely  exhausted  and  dispirited.  The 
gentlemen  of  the  shop  had  finished  their  dinners. 

"Go  up-stairs  and  get  your  dinner,  sir !"  exclaimed  Tag-rag 
imperiously,  after  having  received  Messrs.  Shuttle  and  Wea- 
ver's message. 

Titmouse's  dinner  was  presently  brought  by  a  slatternly 
servant-girl.  It  was  in  an  uncovered  basin,  which  appeared  to 
contain  nothing  but  the  leavings  of  his  companions — a  savory 
mixture  of  cold  potatoes  and  broken  meat,  a  little  hot  water 
having  been  thrown  over  it  to  make  it  appear  warm  and 
fresh.  His  plate  had  not  been  cleaned  after  its  recent  use, 
but  evidently  only  hastily  smeared  over  with  a  greasy  towel, 
as  also  seemed  his  knife  and  fork,  which  in  their  disgusting 
state,  he  was  fain  to  put  up  with,  the  tablecloth  on  which 
he  might  have  wiped  them  having  been  removed.  A  hunch  of 
bread  that  seemed  to  have  been  tossing  about  in  the  pan  for 
days,  and  half-a-pint  of  flat-looking  and  sour-smelling  table- 
beer,  completed  the  fare  set  before  him.  He  was  in  the  act  of 
scooping  out  of  the  basin  some  of  its  inviting  contents,  when 
— "Titmouse!"  exclaimed  one  of  his  shopmates,  peering  in  at 
him  through  the  half-opened  door,  "  Mr.  Tag-rag  wants  you  ! 
He  says  you've  had  plenty  of  time  to  finish  your  dinner!" 

"Oh,  tell  him  I'm  only  just  beginning." 

In  a  few  minutes'  time  Mr.  Tag-rag  himself  entered  the 
room,  stuttering — "  How  much  longer,  sir,  is  it  your  pleasure 
to  spend  over  your  dinner,  eh?" 

"Not  another  moment,  sir,"  answered  Titmouse,  looking 
with  disgust  at  the  victuals  before  him;  "if  you'll  only  allow 
me  a  few  minutes  to  go  home  and  buy  a  penny  roll  instead 
of  all  this— 

"Ve-ry  good,  sir!  Ve-ry  parti — cu — larly  good,  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse," replied  Tag-rag,  with  ill-subdued  fury;  "anything 
else  that  I  can  make  a  leetle  memorandum  of  against  the  day 
of  your  leaving  us?" 

When  Titmouse  left  the  shop  that  night,  a  little  after  nine, 
he  hurried  to  his  lodgings,  to  make  himself  as  imposing  in 
his  appearance  before  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  as 
his  time  and  means  would  admit  of.  Behold,  on  a  table  lay 
the  following  letter  from  his  friend  Huckaback  : 


34  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Dear  Tit, 

"  I  hope  you  are  well,  which  is  what  I  can  only  middling 
say  in  respect  of  me.  Being  near  the  neighborhood  of  Saf- 
fron Hill,  to-day,  Titty,  with  some  light  goods,  I  thought  I 
would  call  upon  our  lawyers  to  see  how  affairs  was  getting 
on,  and  stir  them  up  a  bit " 

This  almost  took  Titmouse's  breath  away  ! 
— "feeling  most  interested  on  your  account,  as  you  know, 
dear  Tit,  I  do.  I  said  I  wanted  to  speak  to  one  of  the  gentle- 
men on  business  of  wital  importance;  whereat  I  was  quickly 
shown  into  a  room  where  two  gents  was  sitting.  Having  put 
down  my  parcel  for  a  minute  on  the  table  I  said  I  was  a  very 
intimate  friend  of  yours,  and  had  called  in  to  see  how  things 
went  on  about  the  advertisement ;  whereat  you  never  saw  in 
your  life  how  struck  they  looked,  and  stared  at  one  another 
in  speechless  silence,  till  they  said  to  me  what  concerned  me 
about  the  business  ?  or  something  of  that  nature,  but  in  such 
a  way  that  ris  a  rage  in  me  directly,  all  for  your  sake  (for  I 
did  not  like  the  looks  of  things),  and  says  I,  I  said,  we  would 
let  them  know  we  were  not  to  be  gammoned;  whereat  up 
rose  the  youngest  of  the  two,  and  ringing  the  bell,  he  says  to 
a  tight-laced  young  gentleman  with  a  pen  behind  his  ear, 
'Show  him  to  the  door,'  which  I  was  at  once;  but,  in  doing 
so,  let  out  a  little  of  my  mind  to  them.  They're  no  better 
than  they  should  be,  you  see  if  they  are ;  but  when  we  touch 
the  property,  we'll  show  them* who  is  their  masters,  which 
consoles  me.  Good-by,  keep  your  sperrits  up,  and  I  will  call 
and  tell  you  more  about  it  on  Sunday.  So  farewell. — Your 
true  friend, 

"R.  HUCKABACK." 

All  that  part  of  the  foregoing  letter  which  related  to  its 
amiable  writer's  interview  with  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and 
Snap,  Titmouse  read  in  a  kind  of  spasm — he  could  not  draw 
a  breath,  and  felt  a  choking  sensation  coming  over  him. 
After  a  while,  "  I  may  spare  myself,"  thought  he,  "  the  trouble 
of  rigging  out — Huckaback  has  done  my  business  for  me  with 
Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap — mine  will  only  be  a  walk 
in  vain!"  Of  course,  Huckaback  would  seem  to  have  been 
sent  by  him ;  seeing  he  appeared  to  have  resumed  the  hector- 
ing tone  which  Titmouse  had  tried  so  vainly  over  night,  and 


.  OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  35 

now  so  bitterly  repented  of;  and  he  had  no  doubt  grossly 
insulted  the  arbiters  of  Titmouse's  destiny — he  had  even  said 
that  he  (Titmouse)  would  not  be  GAMMONED  by  them !  But 
time  was  pressing — the  experiment  must  be  made;  and  with  a 
beating  heart  he  scrambled  into  a  change  of  clothes — bottling 
up  his  wrath  against  the  unconscious  Huckaback  till  he  should 
see  that  worthy.  In  a  miserable  state  of  mind  he  set  off  soon 
after  for  Saffron  Hill. 

When  he  reached  the  place,  he  was  in  a  bath  of  perspira- 
tion. He  stood  for  a  moment  with  his  hat  off,  wiping  his 
reeking  forehead  and  endeavoring  to  recover  himself  a  little 
before  entering  the  dreaded  presence  to  which  he  had  been 
hastening.  Finally,  ring  went  the  bell;  as  softly,  however, 
as  he  could;  for  he  recollected  that  it  was  a  very  loud  bell, 
and  he  did  not  wish  to  offend.  He  stood  for  some  time,  and 
nobody  answered.  He  waited  for  nearly  two  minutes,  and 
trembled,  assailed  by  a  thousand  vague  fears.  He  might  not, 
however,  have  rung  loudly  enough — so — again,  a  little  louder, 
did  he  venture  to  ring.  Again  he  waited.  He  breathed  fast- 
er, clinched  his  fist,  and  involuntarily  raised  it  in  a  menacing 
way,  when  he  heard  himself  addressed.  "Oh!  dear  me,  sir, 
I  hope  I  haven't  kept  you  waiting,"  said  the  old  woman 
whom  he  had  seen  before.  She  fumbled  in  her  pocket  for  the 
door-key,  for  she  had  evidently  been  out  shopping. 

"  Oh,  dear !  no,  ma'am,"  replied  Titmouse  with  anxious 
civility,  and  a  miserable  smile — "Afraid  I  may  have  kept 
them  waiting,"  he  added,  dreading  to  hear  the  answer. 

"Oh,  no,  sir,  not  at  all — they've  all  been  gone  since  a  little 
after  nine;  but  there's  a  letter  I  was  to  give  you.  Here  it 
is!" 

"Seem  particularly  anxious  for  me  to  get  it — did  they?" 
inquired  Titmouse,  with  a  strong  effort  to  appear  unconcerned. 

"  No,  sir — Mr.  Quirk  only  said  I  was  to  give  it  to  you  when 
you  called." 

He  quickly  sspied  a  lamp  at  a  corner  which  promised  to 
afford  him  an  uninterrupted  opportunity  for  inspecting  his 
letter,  which  read  as  follows : — 

"  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  present  their  compli- 
ments to  Mr.  Titmouse,  and  are  anxious  to  save  him  the 
trouble  of  his  intended  visit  this  evening. 


36  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"They  exceedingly  regret  that  obstacles  (which  it  is  to  be 
hoped,  however,  may  not  prove  ultimately  insurmountable) 
exist  in  the  way  of  their  prosecuting  their  intended  inquiries 
on  behalf  of  Mr.  Titmouse. 

"  Since  their  last  night's  interview  with  him,  circumstances, 
which  they  could  not  have  foreseen,  and  over  which  they  have 
no  control,  have  occurred,  which  render  it  unnecessary  for 
Mr.  T.  to  give  himself  any  more  anxiety  in  the  affair — at 
least,  not  until  he  shall  have  heard  from  Messrs.  Q.  G.  and  S. 
If  anything  of  importance  should  hereafter  transpire,  it  is  not 
improbable  that  Mr.  T.  may  hear  from  them. 

"They  were  favored  this  afternoon,  with  a  visit  from  Mr. 
T.'s  friend — a  Mr.  Hucklebottom." 

When  poor  Titmouse  had  finished  reading  over  this  vague, 
frigid,  and  disheartening  note  a  second  time,  a  convulsive 
sob  or  two  pierced  his  bosom,  indicative  of  its  being  indeed 
swollen  with  sorrow;  and  at  length,  overcome  by  his  feelings, 
he  cried  bitterly — not  checked  even  by  the  occasional  excla- 
mations of  one  or  two  passers-by.  At  length  his  eye  lit 
upon  the  strange  word  which  was  intended  to  describe  his 
friend  Huckaback;  and  it  instantly  changed  both  the  kind 
of  his  feelings,  and  the  direction  in  which  they  had  been  rush- 
ing. Grief  became  rage;  and  the  stream  foamed  in  quite  a 
new  direction — namely,  toward  Huckaback.  The  fire  that 
was  thus  quickly  kindled  within,  soon  dried  up  the  source 
of  his  tears.  He  crammed  the  letter  into  his  pocket,  and 
started  off  at  once  in  the  direction  of  Leicester  Square. 
Hotter  and  hotter  became  his  rage,  as  he  neared  the  resi- 
dence of  Huckaback.  When  he  had  reached  it,  he  sprung 
up-stairs ;  knocked  at  the  door :  and  on  the  instant  of  its 
being  opened  by  Huckaback,  who  was  undressing,  Titmouse 
sprung  toward  him,  let  fly  a  goodly  number  of  violent 
blows  upon  his  face  and  breast — and  down  fell  Huckaback 
upon  the  bed  behind  him,  insensible,  and  bleeding  profusely 
from  his  nose. 

"There!  there !  "—gasped  Titmouse,  breathless  and  ex- 
hausted, discharging  a  volley  of  oaths  and  opprobrious  epi- 
thets at  the  victim  of  his  fury.  "Do  it  again !  You  will, 
won't  you !  You'll  go— and  meddle  again  in  other  people's— 
you cu-cu-cursed  officious" — But  his  rage  was  spent — the 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  37 

paroxysm  was  over;  the  silent  and  bleeding  figure  of  Hucka- 
back was  before  his  eyes ;  and  he  gazed  at  him,  terror-stricken. 
What  had  he  done !  He  sunk  down  on  the  bed  beside  Hucka- 
back— then  started  up,  wringing  his  hands,  and  staring  at 
him  in  an  ecstasy  of  remorse  and  fright.  Frightened  almost 


"YoulL  go  and 
meddle  Again  »  * 
you  —  cu-cu-  cursed 

**  c^     •  " 

officious  — • 


out  of  his  senses,  he  addressed  himself  to  the  recovery  of 
Huckaback.  Finally  his  friend  opened  his  eyes  and  stared 
on  Titmouse  with  a  bewildered  air. 

"What's  been  the  matter?"  at  length  he  faintly  inquired. 

"  Oh,  Hucky  !  so  glad  to  hear  you  speak  again.  It's  I— 
I — Titty  !  I  did  it !  Strike  me,  Hucky,  as  soon  as  you're 


38  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

well  enough  !  Do — kick  me — anything  you  choose  !  I  won't 
hinder  you !"  cried  Titmouse,  sinking  on  his  knees,  and 
clasping  his  hands  together,  as  he  perceived  Huckaback  rap- 
idly reviving. 

"  Why,  what  is  the  matter  ?"  repeated  that  gentleman,  with 
a  wondering  air,  raising  his  hand  to  his  nose,  from  which  the 
blood  was  still  trickling. 

"I  did  it  all — yes,  I  did!"  continued  Titmouse,  gazing  on 
him  with  a  look  of  agony  and  remorse. 

"Why — are  you  mad?"  inquired  Huckaback,  grasping  him 
by  the  collar  rather  roughly. 

"  Yes,  quite  !  Mad  ! — ruined  ! — gone  to  the  devil  all  at  once  !" 

Huckaback  stared  at  him  more  and  more;  and  began  at 
length  to  suspect  how  matters  stood — namely,  that  the  Sun- 
day's incident  had  turned  Titmouse's  head — he  having  also,  no 
doubt,  heard  some  desperate  bad  news  during  the  day,  smash- 
ing all  his  hopes.  A  mixture  of  emotions  kept  him  silent. 
Astonishment — apprehension  —  doubt  —  pride — pique — resent- 
ment. He  had  been  struck — his  blood  had  been  drawn — by 
the  man  there  before  him  on  his  knees,  formerly  his  friend; 
now,  he  supposed,  a  madman. 

"Why,  curse  me,  Titmouse,  if  I  can  make  up  my  mind  what 
to  do  with  you!"  he  exclaimed.  "I — I  suppose  you're  going 
mad,  or  gone  mad,  and  I  must  forgive  you.  But  get  away 
with  you — out  with  you,  or — or — I'll  call  in — 

"Oh  dear,  dear!"  groaned  Titmouse;  "if  I've  been  a  brute 
to  you,  which  is  quite  true,  you've  been  the  ruin  of  me  clean  ! 
I'm  clean  done  for,  Huck.  Cleaned  out !  You've  done  my 
business  for  me;  knocked  it  all  on  the  head.  I  sha'n't  never 
hear  any  more  of  it — they've  said  as  much  in  their  letter — 
they  say  that  you've  called — 

Huckaback  now  began  to  have  a  glimmering  notion  of  his 
having  been  connected  with  the  mischief  of  the  day.  He  au- 
dibly drew  in  his  breath,  as  he  recollected  his  visit  to  Messrs. 
Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap;  and  adverted  more  particularly 
to  his  threats,  uttered,  too,  in  Titmouse's  name,  and  as  if  by 
his  authority.  Whew ! 

"You  have  ruined  me!  you  have,  Huckaback!"  continued 
Titmouse,  with  increasing  vehemence ;  "and  I  shall  be  cutting 
my  throat — nay,"  striking  his  fist  on  the  table,  "I  will!" 

"You  don't  say  so  !"  exclaimed  Huckaback,  apprehensively. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  39 

"  No,  Titmouse,  don't — don't  think  of  it;  it  will  all  come  right 
yet,  depend  on't;  you  see  if  it  don't!" 

"Oh,  no!  it's  all  done  for — it's  all  up  with  me!" 

"But  what's  been  done? — let  us  hear,"  said  Huckaback, 
as  he  passed  a  wet  towel  to  and  fro  over  his  ensanguined 
features.  Titmouse,  with  many  grievous  sighs,  took  out  the 
letter  and  read  it  aloud.  "And  see  how  they've  spelled 
your  name,  Hucky." 

"How  particular  vulgar!"  exclaimed  Huckaback.  "And 
so  this  is  all  they  say  of  me.  How  do  you  come  to  know 
that  I've  been  doing  you  a  mischief?  All  I  did  was  just  to 
look  in,  as  respectful  as  possible,  to  ask  how  you  was,  and 
they  very  civilly  told  me  you  was  very  well,  and  we 
parted " 

"Nay,  now,  that's  a  lie,  Huckaback,  and  you  know  it!" 
interrupted  Titmouse. 

"  It's  true,  so  help  me !"  vehemently  asseverated  Huck- 
aback. 

"Why,  perhaps  you'll  deny  that  you  wrote  and  told  me 
all  you  said,"  interrupted  Titmouse  indignantly,  feeling  in 
his  pocket  for  Huckaback's  letter. 

"Oh — ay,  if  you  mean  that, — hem!" — he  stammered.. 

"  Come,  you  know  you're  a  liar,  Huck — but  it's  no  good 
now;  liar  or  no  liar,  it's  all  over." 

"  The  pot  and  kettle,  anyhow,  Tit,  as  far  as  that  goes — 
but  let's  spell  over  this  letter;  we  haven't  studied  it  yet; 
I'm  a  hand,  rather,  at  getting  at  what's  said  in  a  letter!— 
Come,  there's  a  glimpse  of  daylight  yet,  Titty!"  said  Hucka- 
back, as  he  concluded  reading  it. 

"Now!     Is  there  really?    Do  tell  me,  Hucky " 

"Why,  first  and  foremost,  how  uncommon  polite  they  are. 
If  they'd  meant  to  give  the  thing  the  go-by  altogether,  what 
could  have  been  easier  than  to  have  said  so? — but  they  haven't 
said  anything  of  the  sort,  so  they  don't  mean  to  give  it 
all  up." 

'l  Lord,  Huck  !  what  would  I  give  for  such  a  head  as  yours !" 

"To  be  sure,  they  do  say  there's  an  obstacle,  but  they  say 
again,  that  it's — it's — curse  their  big  words — to  be  got  over 
in  time." 

"Well— that's  something,  isn't  it?" 

"To  be  sure  it  is;  and  a'n't  anything  better  than  nothing? 


40  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

But  then  again,  here's  a  stone  in  the  other  pocket;  they  say 
there's  a  circumstance!  Don't  you  hate  circumstances,  Titty? 
-I  do." 

"So  do  I! — What  does  it  mean?  I've  often  heard — isn't  it 
a  thing?  And  that  may  be — anything." 

"  Oh,  there's  a  great  dif— hem !  And  they  go  on  to  say 
it's  happened  since  you  was  there — 

"Curse  me,  then,  if  that  don't  mean  you,  Huckaback!" 
interrupted  Titmouse,  with  returning  anger. 

"No,  that  can't  be  it;  they  said  they'd  no  control  over 
the  circumstance; — now  they  had  over  me;  for  they  ordered 
me  to  the  door,  and  I  went ;  a'n't  that  so,  Titty  ?  and  then 
again,  you  know  they  are  lawyers;  and  do  they  ever  write 
anything  that  hasn't  got  more  in  it  than  anybody  can 
find  out?  And  don't  you  see  they  say  they'll  be  sure  to  write 
if  anything  turns  up  ?" 

"So  they  do,  to  be  sure!  Well— I'd  forgot  that!"  inter- 
rupted Titmouse,  brightening  up. 

"  Then,  isn't  there  their  advertisement  in  the  Flash?  They 
hadn't  their  eye  on  anything  when  they  put  it  there,  I  dare 
say! — They  can't  get  out  of  that,  anyhow!" 

"  Why,  Hucky,  so  help  me !  and  'pon  my  soul,  that  old 

gent,  Mr.  Quirk,  told  me" — Titmouse's  voice  trembled  at  the 
recollection — "he  says,  'Sir,  you're  the  real  owner  of  ten 
Thousand  a  year.' ' 

"  Lord,  Tit !  you  take  my  breath  away,"  gasped  Hucka- 
back, his  eyes  fixed  intently  on  his  friend's  face. 

"Yes;  and  they  said  I  might  marry  the  most  beautifulest 
woman  that  ever  my  eyes  saw,  for  the  asking." 

"You'll  forget  poor  Bob  Huckaback,  Tit!"  murmured  his 
friend  despondingly. 

«Not  I : 

"  Tit,"  exclaimed  his  friend,  a  brilliant  idea  suddenly  com- 
ing to  him,  "how  much  did  you  promise  to  come  down,  if 
you  got  the  thing?" 

"  Come  down!—\ — really — by  Jove,  I  didn't  1  No — I'm  sure 
I  didn't!" — answered  Titmouse,  as  if  new  light  had  burst  in 
upon  him. 

"  Why,  Tit,  I  never  seed  such  a  goose !  That's  it,  depend 
upon  it — it's  the  whole  thing !  That's  what  they're  driving 
at,  in  the  note  !  — Why,  Tit,  where  was  your  wits  ?  D'ye  think 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  41 

such  gents  as  them — great  lawyers,  too — will  work  for  noth- 
ing?— You  write  and  tell  them  you  will  come  down  handsome 
— say  a  couple  of  hundreds,  besides  expenses — Gad  !  'twill  set 
you  on  your  pins  again,  Titty! — Rot  me!" 

"  The  thoughts  of  it  all  going  right  again  is  enough  to  set 
me  wild,  Hucky !  — But  what  shall  we  do  to  set  the  thing  go- 
ing again? 

"  Quarter  past  one!"  quivered  the  voice  of  the  paralytic 
watchman  beneath,  startling  the  friends  out  of  their  excited 
colloquy.  They  hastily  agreed  that  Titmouse  should  imme- 
diately write  to  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  a  most 
abject  letter,  solemnly  pledging  himself  to  obey  their  injunc- 
tions in  everything  for  the  future,  and  offering  them  a  hand- 
some reward  for  their  exertions,  if  successful.  And  here  fol- 
lows the  letter  he  managed  to  indite: — 

"  To  Messrs.  QUIRK,  GAMMON,  and  SNAP. 

"  GENTS, — Yr  Esteem'd  Favour  lies  now  before  Me,  which  must 
Say  have  Given  me  Much  Concern,  seeing  I  Thought  it  was  All 
Made  up  betwixt  us  That  was  of  Such  an  Unpleasant  Nature 
on  Tuesday  night  (ultimo)  wh  I  most  humbly  Own  (and 
Acknowledge)  was  all  alone  and  intirely  of  My  Own  Fault, 
and  Not  in  the  Least  Your's  which  behaved  to  me,  Must  say, 
In  the  most  Respectful  and  superior  manner  that  was  pos- 
sible to  think  Of,  for  I  truly  Say  I  never  was  In  the  Company 
of  Such  Imminent  and  superior  Gents  before  in  my  life  wh 
will  take  my  oath  sincerely  Of,  Gents.  Please  to  consider 
the  Brandy  (wh  do  think  was  Uncommon  Stiff)  such  a 
flustrum  As  I  Was  In  before,  to,  wh  was  Evident  to  All  of 
Us  there  then  Assemblid  and  very  natral  like  to  be  the  Case 
Seeing  I  have  nevir  known  what  Peas  of  Mind  was  since  I 
behaved  in  Such  a  Oudacious  way  wh  truly  was  the  case  I 
can't  Deny  to  Such  Gents  as  Yourselfs  that  were  doing  me 
such  Good  Fortune  And  Kindness  to  me  as  it  would  Be  a 
Dreadful  sin  and  shame  (such  as  Trust  I  can  never  be  Guilty 
of)  to  be  (wh  am  not)  and  never  Can  Be  insensible  Of, 
Gents  do  Consider  all  this  Favourably  because  of  my  humble 
Amends  wh  I  here  Make  with  the  greatest  Trouble  in  my 
Mind  that  I  have  Had  Ever  Since,  it  was  all  of  the  Sperrits 
I  Tooke  wh  made  me  Go  On  at  such  a  Rate  wh  was  always 
(beg  to  Assure  yr  most  respe  house)  the  Case  Since  my  birth 


42  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

when  I  took  Sperrits  never  so  little  Since  I  had  the  Meazles 
when  I  was  3  Years  Old  as  I  Well  Recollect  and  hope  it  will 
be  Born  in  Mind  what  is  Often  Said,  and  I'm  sure  I've  read 
it  Somewhere  Else  that  People  that  Is  Drunk  Always  speaks 
the  Direct  Contrary-wise  of  their  True  and  Real  Thoughts, 
(wh  am  certain  never  was  any  Thing  Truer  in  my  case)  so  as 
I  get  the  Money  or  What  not,  do  whatever  you  Like  wh  are 
quite  welcome  to  Do  if  you  please,  and  no  questions  Asked, 
don't  Mind  saying  by  The  Way  It  shall  Be  As  Good  as  ,£200 
note  in  The  way  of  your  Respe  House  if  I  Get  the  Estate  of 
wh  am  much  in  Want  of.  Mr.  Gamon  (wh  is  the  most  Up- 
right gent  that  ever  I  came  across  in  All  my  Life)  will  tell 
you  that  I  Was  Quite  Cut  up  when  he  came  After  me  in  that 
kind  way  and  told  him  Then  how  I  loved  yr  Respecte  House 
and  would  do  all  In  My  power  to  Serve  You,  which  see  if  I 
Don't,  I  was  in  such  a  rage  with  that  Fellow  (He's  only  in 
a  Situation  in  Tottenham  O  Road)  Huckaback  which  is 
his  true  name  it  was  an  audacious  thing,  and  have  given  him 
such  a  Precious  Good  hiding  last  Night  as  you  never  saw 
when  on  his  Bendid  Knees  He  asked  the  pardon  of  your  Re- 
spectable House,  sayg  nothing  Of  Me  wh  wd  not  allow  because 
I  said  I  would  Not  Forgive  Him  because  he  had  not  injured 
me :  But  you,  wh  I  wonder  at  his  Impudence  in  Calling  on 
Professional  Gents  like  you,  if  I  get  The  Estate  shall  never 
cease  to  Think  well  of  you  and  mean  While  how  full  of  Trouble 
I  am  Often  Thinking  Of  Death  which  is  the  End  of  Every 
Thing  And  then  in  that  Case  who  will  the  Property  Go  to 
Seeing  I  Leave  never  a  Brother  or  Sister  Behind  me.  And 
Therefore  Them  That  wd  Get  it  I  Feel  Sure  of  wd  Not  do  so 
Well  by  you  (if  You  will  Only  believe  Me)  So  Gents.  This 
is  All  at  present  That  I  will  Make  so  Bold  to  trouble  you 
With  About  my  Unhappy  Affairs  Only  to  say  That  am  used 
most  Intolerably  Bad  now  In  The  Shop  quite  Tyranicall  And 
Mr.  Tag-Rag  as  Set  Them  All  Against  Me  and  I  shall  Never 
Get  Another  Situatn  for  want  of  a  Char  which  he  will  give 
me  sayg  notg  at  Present  of  the  Sort  of  Victules  wh  give  me 
Now  to  Eat  Since  Monday  last,  For  Which  am  Sure  the  Devil 
must  have  come  In  to  That  Gentleman  (Mr.  Tag-rag,  he  was 
only  himself  in  a  Situation  in  Holborn  once,  gettg  the  Busi- 
ness by  marryg  the  widow  wh  wonder  At  for  he  is  nothing 
Particular  to  Look  At.)  I  am  yrs 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  43 

Humbly    to    Command  Till  Death 

(always  Humbly  Begging  pardon  for  the  bad  Conduct  wh 
was  guilty  of  when  In  Liquor  Especially  On  an  Empty  Stomach, 
Having  Taken  Nothing  all  that  Day  excepting  what  I  could 
not  eat,) 

"Your's  most  Respy 

"TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE. 


"P.  S.  Will  Bring  that  young  Man  with  Tears  In  his  Eyes 
to  Beg  yr  pardon  Over  again  If  You  Like  wh  will  Solemnly 
Swear  if  Required  That  he  did  It  all  of  His  own  Head  And 
that  Have  given  him  It  For  it  in  the  Way  That  is  Written 
Above  And  humbly  Trust  You  Will  make  Me  So  happy  Once 
more  by  Writing  To  Me  (if  it  is  only  a  line)  To  say  You  Have 
Thought  No  more  of  it.  T.  T.  No  9  Closet  O.  Oxford  Street. 
14/7/18- 

This  touching  epistle,  over  which  Titmouse  had  labored 
long  and  earnestly,  might  have  brought  tears  into  Mr.  Quirk's 
eyes,  if  he  had  been  used  to  the  melting  mood.  As  it  was,  he 
stepped  with  it  into  Mr.  Gammon's  room.  That  gentleman 
read  it  over,  at  every  sentence  bursting  into  soft  laughter. 

"Ha,  ha,  ha!"  he  laughed  on  concluding  it — "a  comical 
gentleman,  Mr.  Titmouse,  upon  my  honor!" 

"Funny — isn't  it,  rather?"  interposed  Mr.  Quirk,  standing 
with  his  hands  fumbling  about  in  his  breeches  pocket. 

"What  a  crawling  despicable  little  rascal! — ha,  ha,  ha!" 

"But  he's  now  in  a  humor  for  training,  at  all  events — 
isn't  he?"  exclaimed  Quirk — "we've  something  now  to  go  to 
work  upon — gradually." 

"I  should  say,  with  all  deference,  that  we'll  take  no  more  no- 
tice of  this  fellow  till  we've  got  some  screw  tight  enough — 

"  Why — all  that  may  be  very  well :  but  you  see,  Gammon, 
the  fellow  seems  the  real  heir,  after  all — and  if  fie  don't  get 
it,  no  onei  can;  and  if  he  don't — we  don't !  eh  ?" 

"  There's  a  very  great  deal  of  force  in  that  observation,  Mr. 
Quirk,"  said  Gammon  emphatically.  If  Quirk  might  be  com- 
pared to  an  old  file,  Gammon  was  the  oil!—  so  they  got  on, 
in  the  main,  very  well  together.  "  I  think,  by  the  way,"  con 
tinued  Mr.  Gammon,  "  it  may  be  as  well  to  acknowledge  the 


44  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

receipt  of  the   fellow's  note — eh? — Can't  do  any  harm,  you 
know,  and  civility  costs  nothing — hem!" 

"  The  very  thing  I  was  thinking  of,"  replied  Quirk.  So 
they  despatched  the  following  note  to  Mr.  Titmouse  :  — 

"  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  have  the  pleasure  of 
acknowledging  the  receipt  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  polite  letter  of 
last  night's  date ;  and  earnestly  beg  that  he  will  not  distress 
himself  about  the  little  incident  that  occurred  at  their  office 
on  Tuesday  night,  and  which  they  assure  him  they  have  quite 
forgotten.  They  made  all  allowances,  however  their  feelings 
suffered  at  the  time.  They  beg  Mr.  T.  will  give  them  credit 
for  not  losing  sight  of  his  interests  to  the  best  of  their  abil- 
ity; obstructed  as  they  are,  however,  by  numerous  serious 
difficulties.  If  they  should  be  in  any  degree  hereafter  over- 
come, he  may  rest  assured  of  their  promptly  communicating 
with  him;  and  till  then  they  trust  Mr.  T.  will  not  inconven- 
ience himself  by  calling  on,  or  writing  to  them. 

"  P.S. — Messrs.  Q.  G.  and  S.  regret  to  hear  that  any  unpleas- 
antness has  arisen  [Gammon  could  hardly  write  for  laughter] 
between  Mr.  Titmouse  and  his  friend  Mr.  Hicklebagle,  who, 
they  assure  him,  manifested  a  very  warm  interest  in  behalf 
of  Mr.  T.,  and  conducted  himself  with  the  greatest  propriety 
on  the  occasion  of  his  calling  upon  Messrs.  Q.  G.  and  S. 
They  happened  at  that  moment  to  be  engaged  in  matters  of 
the  highest  importance;  which  will,  they  trust,  explain  any 
appearance  of  abruptness  they  might  have  exhibited  toward 
that  gentleman.  Perhaps  Mr.  Titmouse  will  be  so  obliging  as 
to  intimate  as  much  to  Mr.  Hickerbag." 


CHAPTER   V 

WHEREIN  ,IS    DEPICTED   THE    DESPERATE    STRAIT    TO    WHICH 
THE  HERO  IS  FINALLY  REDUCED  BY  THE  LAW'S  DELAYS 

THE  moment  that  Titmouse  had  read  over  this  mollifying 
document,  he  hastened  to  his  friend  Huckaback.  That  gentle- 
man declared,  with  a  great  oath,  that  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon, 
and  Snap  were  "  perfect  gentlemen,"  and  would  "  do  the  right 
thing,  Titmouse  might  depend  upon  it";  an  assurance  which 
greatly  cheered  Titmouse.  Huckaback  had  certainly  a  won- 
derful knack  of  keeping  up  Titmouse's  spirits,  whatever  cause 
the  latter  fancied  he  might  really  have  for  depression. 

As  for  Mr.  Tag-rag,  he  began  at  length  to  relax  his  active 
exertions  against  Titmouse,  simply  because  of  the  trouble 
it  gave  him  to  keep  them  up.  He  attributed  the  pallid 
cheek  and  depressed  manner  of  Titmouse  entirely  to  the  dis- 
cipline which  had  been  inflicted  upon  him  at  the  shop,  and 
was  gratified  at  perceiving  that  all  his  other  young  men 
seemed,  especially  in  his  presence,  to  have  imbibed  his  hatred 
of  Titmouse.  Titmouse  attempted  once  or  twice,  during  the 
week,  to  obtain  a  situation  elsewhere,  but  in  vain.  He  could 
expect  no  character  from  Tag-rag;  and  when  the  icth  of 
August  should  have  arrived,  what  was  to  become  of  him? 
These  were  the  kind  of  thoughts  often  passing  through  his 
mind  during  Sunday,  which  he  and  Huckaback  spent  to- 
gether in  unceasing  conversation  on  the  one  absorbing  event 
of  the  last  week. 

Altho  the  sun  shone  as  vividly  and  beautifully  as  on  the 
preceding  Sunday,  to  Titmouse's  saddened  eye  there  seemed 
a  sort  of  gloom  everywhere.  Up  and  down  the  Park  he  and 
Huckaback  walked  toward  the  close  of  the  afternoon;  but 
Titmouse  had  not  so  elastic  a  strut  as  before.  He  felt  empty 
and  sinking.  What  with  the  fatigue  of  a  long  day's  saunter, 
the  vexation  of  having  had  but  a  hasty,  inferior,  and  unre- 
freshing  meal,  which  did  not  deserve  the  name  of  dinner,  and 


46  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

their  unpleasant  thoughts,  both  seemed  depressed  as  they 
walked  along  the  streets.  At  length  they  arrived  at  the  open 
doors  of  a  gloomy-looking  building,  into  which  two  or  three 
sad  and  prim-looking  people  were  entering.  After  walking  a 
few  paces  past  the  door — "Do  you  know,  Huck,"  said  Titmouse, 
stopping,  "  I've  often  thought  that — that — there's  something 
in  Religion!" 

"To  be  sure  there  is,  for  those  that  like  it — who  doubts  it? 
It's  all  very  well  in  its  place,  no  doubt,"  replied  Huckaback 
with  much  surprise,  as  he  felt  himself  slowly  being  swayed 
around  toward  the  building  in  question.  "But  what  of 
that?" 

"Oh,  nothing;  but — hem!  hem !"  replied  Titmouse,  sinking 
his  voice  to  a  whisper —  "  a  touch  of— religion — would  not  be 
so  much  amiss  just  now,  I  feel — uncommon  inclined  that  way, 
somehow." 

"  Religion's  all  very  well,  Titty,  dear  !  for  them  that  has 
much  to  be  thankful  for ;  but  devil  take  me  !  what  have  either 
you  or  me  to  be — 

"But,  Huck — how  do  you  know  but  we  might  get  some- 
thing to  be  thankful  for,  by  praying? — I've  often  heard  of 
great  things; — come." 

Huckaback  stood  for  a  moment  irresolute,  twirling  about 
his  cane,  and  looking  rather  distastefully  toward  the  dingy 
building.  "To  be  sure,"  he  said,  faintly,  and  the  intelligent 
and  piously  disposed  couple  found  their  way  into  a  church 
where  evening  service  was  being  performed.  Titmouse  paid 
a  most  exemplary  attention  to  what  was  going  on,  kneeling, 
sitting  and  standing  with  exact  propriety,  in  the  proper 
places,  joining  audibly  in  the  responses.  He  even  rebuked 
Huckaback  for  whispering  (during  one  of  the  most  solemn 
parts  of  the  service)  that  "there  was  a  pretty  gal  in  the  next 
pew!" 

"Curse  me,  Hucky  !"  said  he  heatedly,  as  soon  as  they  had 
quitted  the  church,  and  were  fairly  in  the  street — "  Curse  me 
if— if— ever  I  felt  so  comfortable-like  in  my  mind  before,  as 
I  do  now — I'll  go  next  Sunday  again." 

Titmouse  continued  in  what  he  doubtless  imagined  to  be  a 
devout  frame  of  mind,  for  several  minutes  after  quitting  the 
church,  until  they  parted,  each  speeding  homeward.  On  reaching 
his  lodgings,  Titmouse  sunk  into  profound  depression.  The 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  47 

uncertainties  of  his  situation  drove  him  nearly  distracted. 
His  circumstances  were  becoming  utterly  desperate.  He  con- 
tinued to  endure  great  suffering  at  Mr.  Tag-rag's  during  the 
day — the  butt  of  his  companions,  and  the  victim  of  his  em- 
ployer's vile  and  vulgar  spirit  of  hatred  and  oppression. 
His  spirit  was  very  nearly  broken.  Tho  he  inquired  for  another 
situation,  he  was  unsuccessful;  for  all  whom  he  applied  to 
spoke  of  the  strict  character  they  should  require,  "before 
taking  a  new  hand  into  their  establishment."  His  occupation 
at  nights  was  either  to  call  upon  Huckaback,  whose  sympa- 
thy he  was  exhausting  rapidly,  or  to  solace  his  feelings  by 
walking  down  to  Saffron  Hill,  and  lingering  about  the  closed 
office  of  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap — there  was  a  kind 
of  gratification  even  in  that ! 

At  length,  no  more  than  three  or  four  shillings  stood  be- 
tween him  and  utter  destitution ;  and  the  only  person  in  the 
world  whom  he  could  apply  to  for  even  the  most  trivial  as- 
sistance, was  Huckaback — whom  he  knew  to  be  scarcely  any 
better  off  than  himself;  and  who  treated  him  more  and  more 
coldly,  as  the  week  wore  on  without  any  tidings  from  Saffron 
Hill.  Various  faint  hints  had  been  thrown  away ;  for  Hucka- 
back either  did  not,  or  could  not,  comprehend  them.  But 
at  length  a  sudden  and  fearful  pressure  compelled  him  to 
speak  out.  Gripe,  the  collector,  called  one  morning  for  the 
poor's  rates  due  from  Mrs.  Squallop,  Titmouse's  landlady, 
and  cleaned  her  out  of  almost  every  penny  of  ready  money, 
and  down  she  came  upon  Titmouse.  His  heart  sunk  within 
him  as  he  heard  the  fat  old  termagant  ascending  the  stairs. 
Her  loud  imperative  single  knock  vibrated  through  his  heart, 
and  he  was  ready  to  drop. 

"Oh,  Mrs.  Squallop!  How  d'ye  do,  Mrs.  Squallop?"  com- 
menced Titmouse  faintly,  when  he  had  opened  the  door; 
"  won't  you  take  a  chair  ?" 

"  No — I  a'n't  come  to  stay,  Mr.  Titmouse,  because  d'ye  see 
in  coorse  you've  got  a  pound,  at  least,  ready  for  me,  as  you 
promised  long  ago;  there's  old  Gripe  been  here  to-day,  and 
he's  cleaned  me  out;  so,  in  coorse,  I  come  up  to  you.  Got 
it?" 

"  Sorry " 

"Oh,  bother  your  sorrow,  Mr.  Titmouse!" 

"I — I  can't,  so  help  me —    "  gasped  Titmouse. 


48  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"  You  can't !  Why  not,  I  make  bold  to  ask  ?"  inquired  Mrs. 
Squallop,  striving  to  choke  down  her  rage. 

"  P'r'aps  you  can  get  blood  out  of  a  stone,  Mrs.  Squallop; 
it's  what  I  can't,"  replied  Titmouse.  "  I've  got  two  shillings 
— there  they  are,"  throwing  them  on  the  table;  "and  cuss  me 
if  I've  another  rap  in  the  world;  there,  ma'am!" 

" You're  a  liar,  then,  that's  flat!"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Squallop, 
slapping  her  hand  upon  the  table,  with  a  violence  that 
made  the  candle  quiver  on  it  and  almost  fall  down.  You 
have  the  himperance  to  stand  there  and  tell  me  you've 
got  nothing  in  the  world  but  them  two  shillings!  Yet  turns 
you  out  every  Sunday  morning  of  your  life  like  a  lord,  with 
your  pins,  and  your  rings,  and  your  chains,  and  your  fine 
coat,  and  your  gloves,  and  your  spurs,  and  your  dandy  cane 
— ough  !  you  whipper-snapper !  You've  got  all  my  rent  on 
your  back,  and  have  had  ever  Sunday  for  three  months,  you 
cheat !  You're  a  robbing  the  widow  and  fatherless !  Look 
at  me  and  my  six  fatherless  children  down  there,  you 
good-for-nothing,  nasty,  proud  puppy  !  — eugh  !  it  makes  me 
sick  to  see  you.  You've  bought  a  gold  chain  with  my 
rent,  you  rascal !  You  dress  yourself  out  ? — Ha,  ha  !  you — 
carr  ot-h  eaded ' ' 

"You'd  better  not  say  that  again,  Mrs.  Squallop,"  quoth 
Titmouse,  with  a  fierce  glance. 

"  Not  say  it  again  !  — ha,  ha  !  Why,  d'ye  think  I  won't  say 
whatever  I  choose,  and  in  my  own  house  ?  You're  a  Titmouse 
by  name  and  by  nature;  there  a'n't  a  cockroach  crawling 
downstairs  that  a'n't  more  respectable-like  and  better  be- 
haved than  you." 

"Now,  what  is  the  use,"  said  Titmouse  gently,  being  com- 
pletely cowed — "now,  what  good  can  it  do  to  go  on  in  this 
way,  Mrs.  Squallop?" 

"  Missus  me  no  missus,  Mr.  Titmouse,  but  pay  me  my  rent, 
you  jack-a-dandy  !  You've  got  my  rent  on  your  back  and  on 
your  little  finger;  and  I'll  have  it  off  you  before  I've  done 
with  you,  I  warrant  you.  I'm  your  landlady,  and  I'll  have 
you  up;  I'll  have  old  Thumbscrew  here  the  first  thing  in  the 
morning,  and  distrain  everything,  and  you,  too,  you  jackdaw, 
if  any  one  would  buy  you,  which  they  won't !  I'll  turn 
you  inside  out,  tho  I  know  there's .  nothing  in  you!" — and 
the  virago  shook  her  fist  at  him,  looking  as  tho  she  had 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


49 


not  yet  uttered  even  half  that  was  in  her  heart  toward 
him. 

Titmouse  trembled  violently;  his  lips  quivered;  and  the 
long-pent-up  tears  forced  their  way  at  length  over  his  eye- 
lids and  fell  fast  down  his  cheeks. 

"Ah,  you  may  well  cry!  you  may!    But  it's  too  late!   it's 


and    I'll  have  you  up 

my  turn  to  cry  now !  Don't  you  think  that  I  feel  for  my 
own  flesh  and  blood,  that  is,  my  six  children?  And  aren't 
you  keeping  the  fatherless  out  of  their  own?"  continued  Mrs. 
Squallop,  vehemently. 

"  They've  got  a  mother — a  kind  good  mother — to  take 
care  of  them,"  Titmouse  sobbed;  "but  there's  no  one  in  the 
— the — world  that  cares  a  straw  for  me — this  twenty  years  ! " 

4 


50  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Well,  then,  more's  the  pity  for  you.  If  you  had,  they 
wouldn't  have  let  you  make  such  a  puppy  of  yourself— and 
at  your  landlady's  expense,  too,"  said  Mrs.  Squallop,  dropping 
her  voice  a  little;  for  she  was  a  MOTHER  after  all,  and  she 
knew  that  what  poor  Titmouse  had  just  stated  was  quite  true. 
She  was  softening  rapidly  toward  the  weeping  and  miserable 
little  object,  on  whom  she  had  been  heaping  such  violent  and 
bitter  abuse.  He  was  a  great  fool,  to  be  sure — he  was  very 
fond  of  fine  clothes — he  knew  no  better — he  had,  however, 
paid  his  rent  well  enough  till  lately — he  was  a  very  quiet, 
well-disposed  lodger,  for  all  she  had  known — he  had  given 
her  youngest  child  a  pear  not  long  ago.  Really,  thought 
Mrs.  Squallop,  I  may  have  gone  a  little  too  far. 

"I — I — can't  speak,"  sobbed  Titmouse — "I — I  feel  ready  to 
drop — everybody  hates  me" — here  he  paused;  and  for  some  mo- 
ments neither  spoke.  "I've  been  kept  on  my  legs  the  whole 
day  about  the  town  by  Mr.  Tag-rag,  and  had  no  dinner. 
I — I — wish  I  was  dead!  I  do! — you  may  take  all  I  have — here 
it  is,"  continued  Titmouse,  with  his  foot  pushing  toward  Mrs. 
Squallop  the  old  hair  trunk  that  contained  all  his  little  finery. 
"  I  sha'n't  want  them  much  longer,  for  I'm  turned  out  of 
my  situation." 

This  was  too  much  for  Mrs.  Squallop,  and  she  was  obliged 
to  wipe  her  full  eyes  with  the  corner  of  her  apron,  without 
saying  a  word.  Her  heart  smote  her  for  the  misery  she  had 
inflicted  on  one  who  seemed  quite  broken  down.  Pity  sud- 
denly flew,  fluttering  his  wings — soft  dove! — into  her  heart, 
and  put  to  flight  in  an  instant  all  her  enraged  feelings. 
"Come,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  she,  in  quite  an  altered  tone, 
"never  mind  me;  I'm  a  plain-spoken  woman  enough,  I  dare  say 
— and  often  say  more  than  I  mean — for  I — I  know  I  a'n't  over- 
particular when  my  blood's  up — but — Lord! — I — I  wouldn't 
hurt  a  hair  of  your  head,  poor  chap! — for  all  I've  said — 
no,  not  for  double  the  rent  you  owe  me.  Come  !  don't  go  on 
so,  Mr.  Titmouse — what's  the  use? — it's  all  quite — over — I'm 
so  sorry — Lud !  if  I'd  really  thought" — she  almost  sobbed 
— "you'd  been  so — so — why,  I'd  have  waited  till  to-morrow 
night  before  I'd  said  a  word.  But,  Mr.  Titmouse,  since  you 
haven't  had  any  dinner,  won't  you  have  a  mouthful  of  some- 
thing— a  bit  of  bread  and  cheese? — I'll  soon  fetch  you  up  a 
bit  and  a  drop  of  beer — we've  just  had  it  in  for  our  suppers." 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  51 

"No,  thank  you — I  can't — I  can't  eat!"  sobbed  Titmouse. 

"Oh,  bother  it,  but  you  shall!  I'll  go  down  and  fetch  it 
up  in  half  a  minute,  as  sure  as  my  name  is  Squallop ! " 
and  out  of  the  room  and  down-stairs  she  bustled,  glad  of 
a  moment  to  recover  herself. 

"  Lord-a-mercy  ! "  said  she,  on  entering  her  room,  to  her 
eldest  daughter,  while  she  hastily  cut  a  thick  hunch  of  bread 
and  a  good  slice  of  cheese — ''there  I've  been  a-rating  that 
poor  little  chap,  up  at  the  top  room,  like  anything — and  I 
really  don't  think  he's  had  a  morsel  of  victuals  in  his  belly 
this  precious  day ;  and  I've  made  him  cry,  poor  soul !  as  if 
his  heart  would  break.  Pour  us  out  half  a  pint  of  that  beer, 
Sally — a  good  half  pint,  mind  ! — I'm  going  to  take  it  up-stairs 
directly.  I've  gone  a  deal  too  far  with  him,  I  do  think ;  but 
it's  all  of  that  nasty  old  Gripe;  I've  been  wrong  all  the  day 
through  it! — Poor  chap,  he's  got  no  father  nor  mother,  and 
he's  not  such  a  very  bad  lodger,  after  all,  tho  he  does  get 
a  little  behindhand  now  and  then,  and  tho  he  turns  out 
every  Sunday  like  a  lord,  '  with  a  shining  back  and  empty 
belly.' 

"There,"  said  Mrs.  Squallop,  setting  down  on  the  table 
what  she  had  brought  for  Titmouse,  "there's  a  bit  of  sup- 
per for  you;  and  you're  welcome  to  it,  I'm  sure,  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse." 

"  Thank  you, — I  can't  eat,"  said  he,  casting,  however,  upon 
the  victuals  a  hungry  eye,  which  belied  what  he  said. 

"Come,  don't  be  ashamed — fall  to  work — it's  good  whole- 
some victuals,"  said  she,  lifting  the  table  near  to  the  edge  of 
the  bed,  on  the  side  of  which  he  was  sitting,  and  taking  up 
the  two  shillings  lying  on  the  table — "  and  capital  good  beer, 
I  warrant  me  you'll  sleep  like  a  top  after  it." 

"  You're  uncommon  kind,  Mrs.  Squallop ;  but  I  sha'n't  get 
a  wink  of  sleep  to-night  for  thinking — 

"Oh,  bother  your  thinking!  Let  me  begin  to  see  you  eat 
a  bit.  Well,  I  suppose  you  don't  like  to  eat  and  drink  before 
me,  so  I'll  go.  I — I — dare  say,  Mr.  Titmouse,  you  mean  what's 
right  and  straightforward,"  she  stammered. 

"Yes,  Mrs.  Squallop — you  may  keep  those  two  shillings; 
they're  the  last  farthing  I  have  left  in  the  whole  world." 

"No— hem!  hem!— ahem!  I  was  just  suddenly  a-thinking 
—now  can't  you  guess,  Mr.  Titmouse?" 


52  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"What,  Mrs.  Squallop?"  inquired  Titmouse,  meekly  but 
anxiously. 

"  Why — suppose  now — if  it  were  only  to  raise  ten  shillings 
with  old  Balls,  round  the  corner,  on  one  of  those  fine  things 
of  yours — your  ring,  say.  Well,  well — never  mind — don't 
fear,  I — I  only  thought — but  never  mind  !  It  don't  signify — 
good  night !  we  can  talk  about  that  to-morrow — good- 
night— a  good  night's  rest,  Mr.  Titmouse!" 

"The  beast!  the  fat  old  toad!"  thought  he,  the  instant 
that  he  had  finished  masticating  what  had  been  supplied  to 
him  by  real  charity  and  good  nature, — "the  vulgar  wretch  ! — 
the  nasty  canting  old  hypocrite! — I  saw  what  she  was  dri- 
ving at  all  the  while  !  She  had  her  eyes  on  my  ring  !  She'd 
have  me  pawn  it  at  old  Balls's.  How  I  hate  her  !  More 
than  half  my  salary  goes  into  her  greasy  pocket !  Cuss  me 
if  I  couldn't  have  kicked  her  down-stairs — porter,  bread  and 
cheese  and  all — while  she  was  standing  canting  there.  Take 
my  ring!  Lord!—"  Here  he  began  to  undress.  "Ha,  I'm  up 
to  her;  she'll  be  coming  here  to-morrow  with  that  devil 
Thumbscrew,  to  distrain,  I'll  be  sworn.  Well — I'll  take  care 
of  these  anyhow;  and  kneeling  down  and  unlocking  his  trunk 
he  took  out  of  it  his  guard  chain,  breast-pin,  studs,  and  ring, 
carefully  folded  them  up  in  paper,  and  depositing  them  in  his 
trousers'  pockets,  resolved  thenceforth  their  nightly  resting- 
place  should  be — under  his  pillow ;  while  during  the  day  they 
should  accompany  his  person  whithersoever  he  went.  Next, 
bethinking  himself  of  the  two  or  three  important  papers  to 
which  Mr.  Gammon  had  referred,  he  folded  them  up  in  a  half- 
sheet  of  writing-paper,  which  he  proceeded  to  stitch  carefully 
beneath  the  lining  of  his  waistcoat;  after  which  he  blew  out 
his  slim  candle  and  with  a  heavy  sigh  got  into  bed. 

About  six  o'clock  Titmouse  rose  and  dressed  himself;  and, 
slipping  noiselessly  and  swiftly  down-stairs  and  out  of  the 
court,  he  reached  Oxford  Street  just  as  the  porter  of  Messrs. 
Tag-rag  &  Co.  was  opening  the  shop  door,  and  commenced 
another  joyous  day  in  that  delightful  establishment.  When 
his  employer  entered,  it  was  with  amiability  unaltered,  which 
his  clerk  resented  as  plainly  as  he  dared. 

"  You're  at  liberty  to  take  yourself  off,  sir,  this  very  day, 
this  moment,  sir;  and  a  good  riddance,"  said  Mr.  Tag-rag 
bitterly,  after  demanding  of  Titmouse  how  he  dared  to  give 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  53 

himself  such  sullen  airs;  ''and  then  we  shall  see  how  charm- 
ing easy  it  is  for  gents  like  you  to  get  another  sitiwation, 
sir  !  Your  looks  and  manner  is  quite  a  recommendation,  sir  ! 
If  I  was  you,  sir,  I'd  raise  my  terms !  You're  worth  double 
what  I  give,  sir!"  Titmouse  made  no  reply.  "  What  do  you 
mean,  sir,  by  not  answering  me,  eh,  sir?" 

"I  don't  know  what  you'd  have  me  say,  sir;  what  am  I 
to  say,  sir?"  inquired  Titmouse  with  a  sigh. 

"  What,  indeed  !  I  should  like  to  catch  you  !  Say,  indeed  ! 
Only  say  a  word — and  out  you  go,  neck  and  crop.  Attend 
to  that  old  lady  coming  in,  sir.  And  mind,  sir,  I've  got  my 
eye  on  you !" 

When  at  length  this  day  had  come  to  a  close,  Tit- 
mouse, instead  of  repairing  to  his  lodgings,  set  off,  with  a 
heavy  heart,  to  pay  a  visit  to  Huckaback,  whom  he  knew  to 
have  received  his  quarter's  salary  the  day  before,  and  from 
whom  he  faintly  hoped  to  succeed  in  extorting  some  trifling 
loan. 

"Oh!  it's  you,  Titmouse,  is  it?"  he  commenced,  coldly. 

"Yes.  I — I  just  want  to  speak  a  word  with  you — only 
a  word  or  two,  Hucky,  if  you  aren't  busy?" 

"Why,  I  was  just  going  to  go — but  what  d'ye  want,  Tit- 
mouse?" he  inquired  in  a  freezing  manner. 

"  Why,  Huck,  I  know  you're  a  good-natured  chap — you 
couldn't,  just  for  a  short  time,  lend  me  ten  shill — 

"No,  curse  me  if  I  can  :  and  that's  flat !"  briskly  interrupted 
Huckaback,  finding  his  worst  suspicions  confirmed. 

"O  Huck,  Huck,  if  you  only  knew  what  a  poor  devil — 

"Yes,  that's  what  1  was  a-saying;  but  it  a'n't  'poor  devils' 
one  lends  money  to,  so  easily,  I  warrant  me;  tho  you  a'n'f 
such  a  poor  devil — you're  only  shamming!  Where's  your 
guard-chain,  your  studs,  your  breast-pin,  your  ring,  and 
all  that?  Sell  em?  If  not,  anyhow,  pawn  'em.  Can't  eat 
your  cake  and  have  it;  fine  back  must  have  empty  belly 
with  us  sort  of  chaps." 

"If  you'll  only  be  so  uncommon  kind  as  to  lend  me — this 
once — ten  shillings,"  continued  Titmouse  in  an  imploring 
tone,  "I'll  bind  myself  by  a  solemn  oath,  to  pay  you  the 
very  first  moment  I  get  what's  due  to  me  from  Tag-rag  & 
Co.,  and  if  anything  should  ever  come  up  from  Messrs.  Quirk, 
Gam " 


54 

(At  this  moment  a  sudden  thought  passed  thro  the  mind 
of  Mr.  Huckaback.) 

"  Ah,  Titmouse,  you're  civil  enough  now,  and  would  promise 
anything,"  said  he;  "but  when  you  get  your  money  you'd 
forget  everything  about  it — 

"  Forget  my  promise !  Dear  Hucky  !  only  try  me — do  try 
me  but  once,  that's  all !  'Pon  my  precious  life,  ten  shillings 
is  worth  more  to  me  now  than  a  hundred  pounds  may  be 
by  and  by." 

"Ay,  so  you  say  now;  but  d'ye  mean  to  tell  me  that,  if  I 
was  now  to  advance  you  ten  shillings  out  of  my  poor  little 
salary,"  continued  Huckaback  apparently  carelessly,  "you'd, 
for  instance,  pay  me  a  hundred  pounds  out  of  your  thou- 
sands!" 

"O  Lord!  only  you  try  me — do  try  me!"  said  Titmouse, 
eagerly. 

"Oh,  I  dare  say,"  interrupted  Huckaback,  smiling  incred- 
ulously, and  chinking  some  money  in  his  trousers  pocket. 
Titmouse  heard  it,  and  immediately  swore  a  tremendous 
oath  that  if  Huckaback  would  that  evening  lend  him  ten 
shillings,  he,  Titmouse,  would  give  him  one  hundred  pounds 
out  of  the  very  first  moneys  he  got  from  the  estate. 

"  Ah,  that's  something  reasonable-like,  Titty !  and  to  meet 
you  like  a  friend,  I'll  take  fifty  pounds  instead  of  a  hun- 
dred; so  now,  here  goes,  a  bit  of  paper  for  ten  shillings,  ha, 
ha!"  and  taking  a  pen,  after  a  pause,  in  which  he  called  to 
mind  as  much  of  the  phraseology  of  money  securities  as  he 
could,  he  drew  up  the  following  stringent  document : 

"  Know  all  Men  That  you  are  Bound  to  Mr.  J?.  Huckaback 
Promising  the  Bearer  (on  Demand}  To  Pay  Fifty  Pounds 
in  cash  out  of  the  Estate,  if  you  get  it.  (Value  received.) 

"(Witness,)  22d  July,  18— . 
"R.  HUCKABACK." 

"  There,  Titty — if  you  are  an  honest  man,  and  would  do 
as  you  would  be  done  by,"  said  Huckaback,  after  signing 
his  own  name  as  above,  handing  the  pen  to  Titmouse,  "  sign 
that;  just  to  show  your  honor,  like — for,  in  course,  I  sha'n't 
ever  come  on  you  for  the  money — get  as  much  as  you  may." 


CHAPTER   VI 

IN  WHICH  THE  SUN  BEGINS  TO  SHINE  FOR  THE  HERO  THROUGH 
THE  PLEASANT  MEDIUM  OF  MR.  GAMMON 

SOME  two  or  three  nights  after  the  little  transaction  Huck- 
aback called  upon  Titmouse,  and  after  greeting  him  rather 
cordially,  told  him  that  he  had  come  to  put  him  up  to  a 
trick  upon  the  Saffron  Hill  people,  that  would  tickle  them 
into  a  little  activity  in  his  affairs.  The  trick  was — the  send- 
ing of  the  following  letter  to  those  gentlemen  : 

"To  Messrs.  QUIRK  &  Co. 

"Gents: — Am  Sorry  to  Trouble  You,  But  Being  Drove 
quite  desperate  at  my  Troubles  (which  have  brot  me  to  my 
Last  Penny  a  Week  ago)  and  Mrs.  Squallop  my  Landlady 
wd  distrain  on  Me  only  that  there  is  nothing  to  distrain 
on,  Am  Determined  to  Go  Abroad  in  a  Week's  Time,  and 
shall  Never  come  Any  More  back  again  with  Great  Grief  wh 
Is  What  I  now  Write  To  tell  You  of  (Hoping  you  will  please 
Take  No  notice  of  it)  So  Need  give  Yourselves  No  Further 
Concern  with  my  Concerns  Seeing  the  Estate  is  Not  To  Be 
Had  and  Am  Sorry  you  Shd  Have  Had  so  Much  trouble 
with  My  Affairs  wh  cd  not  Help.  Shd  have  Much  liked  The 
Thing,  only  it  Was  Not  worth  Stopping  For,  or  Would,  but 
Since  it  Was  not  God's  Will  be  Done  which  it  will.  Have 
raised  a  Trifle  On  my  Future  Prospects  (wh  am  Certain 
There  is  Nothing  In)  from  a  True  Friend"  [need  it  be  guessed 
at  whose  instance  these  words  found  their  way  into  the 
letter?]  "wh  was  certainly  uncommon  inconvenient  to  That 
Person  But  Hd  do  Anything  to  Do  me  good  As  he  says  Am 
going  to  raise  A  Little  More  from  a  Gent  That  does  Things 
of  That  Nature  wh  will  help  me  with  Expense  in  Going  Abroad 
(which  place  I  Never  mean  to  Return  from).  Have  fixed 
for  the  loth  To  Go  on  wh  Day  Shall  Take  leave  Of  Mr. 
Tag-rag  (who  on  my  Return  Shall  be  glad  to  See  Buried 


56  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

or  in  the  Workhouse).  Have  wrote  This  letter  Only  to  Save 
Yr  Respectable  Selves  trouble  wh  Trust  You  wd  not  have 
Taken. 

"And  Remain, 
"  Gents, 

"Yr  humble  Unworthy  servant, 

"T.  TITMOUSE." 

11  P.  S. — Hope  you  will  Particularly  Remember  me  to  Mr. 
Gammon.  What  is  to  become  of  me,  know  nothing,  being 
so  troubled.  Am  Humbly  Determined  not  to  employ  any 
Gents  in  this  matter  except  yr  most  Respectable  House, 
and  shd  be  most  Truly  Sorry  to  Go  Abroad  wh'i  am  really 
Often  thinking  of  in  Earnest.  (Unless  something  Speedily 
Turns  Up  favourable),  T.  T. — Shd  like  (by  the  way)  to  know 
if  you  shd  be  so  Disposed  what  yr  respe  house  wd  take  for 
my  Chances  Down  (Out  and  ouf)  In  a  Round  Sum  {Ready 
Money)  And  hope  if  they  Write  It  will  be  by  next  Post  or 
Shall  be  Gone  Abroad." 

Old  Mr.  Quirk,  as  soon  as  he  had  finished  the  perusal  of  this 
skilful  document,  started,  a  little  disturbed,  from  his  seat 
and  bustled  into  Mr.  Gammon's  room  with  Mr.  Titmouse's 
open  letter  in  his  hand. — "Gammon,"  said  he,  "just  cast 
your  eye  over  this,  will  you?  Really,  we  must  look  after 
Titmouse,  or  he'll  be  gone!"  Mr.  Gammon  read  deliberately 
through  it,  and  then  looked  up  at  his  fidgety  partner  and 
smiled. 

"Well,  Gammon,  I  really  think— eh?     Don't  you— 

"Upon  my  word,  Mr.  Quirk,  this  nearly  equals  his  former 
letter  !  Go  abroad  !  Ridiculous  pretense  !  Pshaw !  — That 
the  wretch  is  in  great  distress  is  very  probable.  But  there 
is  a  point  that  may  be  worth  considering — I  mean  the  fel- 
low's hint  about  borrowing  money  on  his  prospects." 

"Yes,  to  be  sure — the  very  thing  that  struck  me.  I  never 
thought  much  about  the  other  part  of  the  letter — all  stuff 
about  going  abroad — pho ! — But  to  be  sure,  if  he's  trying 
to  raise  money,  he  may  get  into  keen  hands. — Do  you  really 
think  he  has? 

"  Oh,  no — of  course,  it's  only  a  little  lie  of  his — or  he  must 
have  found  out  somegreater  fool  than  himself,  which  I  had  not 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


57 


supposed  possible.  But  however  that  may  be,  I  really  think, 
Mr.  Quirk,  it's  high  time  that  we  should  take  some  decided 
step.  We'd  better  send  for  Titmouse,  and  manage  him  a 
little  more — discreetly,  eh?  We  did  not  exactly  hit  it  off 

"  It's   high  time 
that  we  should 
take  some 
decided  step." 


last  time,  did  we?"  said  Gammon,  smiling  rather  sarcastic- 
ally. "We  must  keep  him  at  Tag-rag's  if  the  thing  can  be 
done,  for  the  present  at  all  events." 

"To   be   sure;    he   couldn't  then  come  buzzing  about  us, 
like  a  gadfly;  he'd  drive  us  mad  in  a  week,  I'm  sure." 


58  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Well,  then,"  continued  Gammon,  "one  or  the  other  of 
us  shall  undertake  Titmouse,  solely  and  singly.  Pray,  for 
Heaven's  sake,  tackle  him  yourself— a  disagreeable  duty ! 
You  know,  my  dear  sir,  how  invariably  I  leave  everything 
of  real  importance  and  difficulty  to  your  very  superior  tact 
and  experience." 

"  Come,  come,  Gammon,  that's  a  drop  of  sweet  oil — 

"Upon  my  word  and  honor,  Mr.  Quirk,  I'm  in  earnest. 
Pshaw! — and  you  must  know  it.  I  know  you  too  well,  my 
dear  sir,  to  attempt  to — 

"Certainly,  I  must  say,  those  must  get  up  very  early  that 
can  find  Caleb  Quirk  napping," — Gammon  felt  at  that  mo- 
ment that  for  several  years  he  must  have  been  a  very  early 
riser.  And  so  the  matter  was  at  last  arranged  in  the  manner 
which  Gammon  had  wished  and  determined  upon,  i.e.,  that 
Mr.  Titmouse  should  be  left  entirely  to  his  management ;  and, 
after  some  little  discussion  as  to  the  time  and  manner  of 
the  meditated  advances,  the  partners  parted. 

On  Friday  night,  the  28th  July,  18 — ,  the  state  of  Mr. 
Titmouse's  affairs  was  this  :  He  owed  his  landlady  £T.  gs. ; 
his  washerwoman,  6s.;  his  tailor,  £i  8s. — in  all,  three 
guineas,  besides  los.  to  Huckaback  (for  Tittlebat's  notion 
was  that  on  repayment  at  any  time  of  ios.,  Huckaback  would 
be  bound  to  deliver  up  to  him  the  document  or  voucher 
which  he  had  given  him),  and  a  weekly  accruing  rent  'of 
75.  to  his  landlady,  besides  some  very  small  sums  for  wash- 
ing, tea,  bread,  and  butter,  &c.  To  meet  these  serious  liabil- 
ities, he  had — not  one  farthing.  So  he  was  at  last  forced  to 
make  the  much  dreaded  visit  to  Balls  the  pawnbroker. 

On  returning  to  his  lodgings  with  £3  35.,  the  amount  of  the 
loan  upon  his  beloved  jewelry,  Titmouse  found  a  line  from 
Thumbscrew,  his  landlady's  broker,  informing  him  that, 
unless  by  ten  o'clock  on  the  next  morning  his  arrears  of 
rent  were  paid,  she  should  distrain,  and  that  she  would  also 
give  him  notice  to  quit  at  the  end  of  the  week,  since  nothing 
could  induce  her  to  give  him  further  time.  He  sat  down  in 
dismay  on  reading  this  threatening  document;  and,  in  sit- 
ting down,  his  eyes  fell  on  a  bit  of  paper  lying  on  the  floor, 
which  must  have  been  thrust  under  the  door.  From  the 
marks  on  it,  it  was  evident  that  he  must  have  trod  upon 


OR   TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  59 

it  in  entering.  It  proved  to  be  a  summons  from  the  Court 
of  Requests,  for  £1  8s.  due  to  Job  Cox,  his  tailor.  He 
deposited  it  mechanically  on  the  table,  and  for  a  minute 
he  dared  hardly  breathe. 

What  was  he  to  do?  Why  had  he  been  born?  Why  was 
he  so  much  more  persecuted  and  miserable  than  any  one 
else?  Visions  of  his  ring,  his  breast  pin,  his  studs,  stuck  in 
a  bit  of  card  with  their  price  written  above,  and  hanging 
exposed  to  his  view  in  old  Balls's  window,  almost  frenzied 
him.  Thoughts  such  as  these  at  length  began  to  suggest 
others  of  a  dreadful  nature.  .  .  .  The  means  at  that 
instant  within  his  reach.  ...  A  sharp  knock  at  the 
door  startled  him  out  of  the  stupor  into  which  he  was  sink- 
ing. He  listened  for  a  moment,  as  if  he  were  not  certain  that 
the  sound  was  a  real  one.  There  seemed  a  ton-weight  upon 
his  heart,  which  a  mighty  sigh  could  lift  for  an  instant,  but 
not  remove;  and  he  was  in  the  act  of  heaving  a  second  such 
sigh,  as  he  languidly  opened  the  door — expecting  to  encoun- 
ter Mr.  Thumbscrew  or  some  of  his  myrmidons,  who  might 
not  know  of  his  recent  settlement  with  his  landlady. 

"Is  this  Mr. — Tit — Titmouse's!"  inquired  a  genteel-looking 
young  man. 

"  Yes,"  replied  Titmouse,  sadly. 

"Are  you  Mr.  Titmouse?" 

"Yes,"  he  replied  more  faintly  than  before. 

"  Oh — I  have  brought  you,  sir,  a  letter  from  Mr.  Gammon. 
He  said  he  hoped  you'd  send  him  an  answer  by  the  first 
morning's  post." 

"  Yes — oh — I  see — certainly — to  be  sure — with  pleasure — how 
is  Mr.  Gammon? — uncommon  kind  of  him — very  humble 
respects  to  him — take  care  to  answer  it,"  stammered  Tit- 
mouse in  a  breath,  hardly  knowing  whether  he  was  standing 
on  his  head  or  his  heels,  and  not  quite  certain  where  he 
was. 

"  Good  evening,  sir,"  replied  the  stranger,  evidently  a  little 
surprised  at  Titmouse's  manner,  and  withdrew.  Titmouse 
shut  his  door.  With  prodigious  trepidation  of  hand  and 
flutter  of  spirits,  he  opened  the  letter — an  enclosure  meeting 
his  eyes  in  the  shape  of  a  bank-note. 

"O  Lord!"  he  murmured,  turning  white  as  the  sheet  of 
paper  he  held.  Then  the  letter  dropped  from  his  hand,  and 


60  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

he  stood  as  if  stupefied  for  some  moments;  but  presently 
rapture  darted  through  him;  a  five-pound  bank-note  was  in 
his  hand,  and  it  had  been  enclosed  in  the  following  latter  : 

"35,  Thavies1  Inn,  2<)th  July,  18 — . 
"  MY  DEAR  MR.  TITMOUSE  : 

"Your  last  note  addressed  to  our  firm  has  given  me  the 
greatest  pain,  and  I  hasten,  on  my  return  from  the  country, 
to  forward  you  the  enclosed  trifle,  which  I  sincerely  hope 
will  be  of  temporary  service  to  you.  May  I  beg  the  favor 
of  your  company  on  Sunday  evening  next,  at  seven  o'clock, 
to  take  a  glass  of  wine  with  me?  I  shall  be  quite  alone 
and  disengaged;  and  may  have  it  in  my  power  to  make 
you  some  important  communications  concerning  matters 
in  which,  I  assure  you,  I  feel  a  very  deep  interest  on  your 
account.  Begging  the  favor  of  an  early  answer  to-morrow 
morning,  I  trust  you  will  believe  me,  ever,  my  dear  sir,  your 
most  faithful  humble  servant, 

"OILY  GAMMON." 

If  his  room  had  been  large  enough  to  admit  of  it,  Tit- 
mouse would  have  skipped  round  it  again  and  again  in  his 
frantic  ecstasy.  At  length  he  hastily  crumpled  up  the  bank- 
note in  his  hand,  clapped  his  hat  on  his  head,  blew  out  his 
candle,  rushed  down-stairs  as  if  a  ma'd  dog  were  at  his  heels, 
and  in  three  or  four  minutes'  time  was  standing  breathless 
before  old  Balls,  whom  he  almost  electrified  by  asking,  with 
an  eager  and  joyous  air,  for  a  return  of  the  articles  which 
he  had  only  an  hour  before  pawned  with  him;  at  the  same 
time  laying  down  the  duplicates  and  the  bank-note.  The 
latter  old  Balls  scrutinized  with  most  anxious  exactness, 
and  even  suspicion — but  it  seemed  perfectly  unexceptionable; 
so  he  gave  him  back  his  precious  ornaments  and  the  change 
out  of  his  note,  minus  a  trifling  sum  for  interest. 

By  six  o'clock  the  next  morning,  Titmouse  had,  with  his 
own  hand,  dropped  his  answer  into  the  letter-box  upon  the 
door  of  Mr.  Gammon's  chambers  in  Thavies'  Inn;  in  which 
answer  he  had,  with  numerous  expressions  of  profound  re- 
spect and  gratitude,  accepted  Mr.  Gammon's  polite  invitation. 
A  very  happy  man  felt  Titmouse,  as  he  returned  to  Oxford 
Street;  entering  Messrs,  Tag-rag's  premises  with  alacrity, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


61 


and  volunteering  his  assistance  in  numerous  things  beyond 
his  usual  province,  with  singular  briskness  and  energy.  This 
change  of  manners  Tag-rag,  however,  looked  upon  as  as- 


OIJ  Balb  scrutinized 
with  i\n\ious    ex'&ctne.Si 
And    even    .suspicion 


sumed  only  to  affront  him,  seeing  nothing  but  impertinence 
and  defiance  in  all  that  Titmouse  did — as  if  the  nearer  Tit- 
mouse got  to  the  end  of  his  bondage — i.e.  the  loth  of  August 
— the  lighter-hearted  he  grew. 


62  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

On  the  ensuing  Sunday,  punctual  to  his  appointment,  as 
the  clock  struck  seven  he  made  his  appearance  at  Mr.  Gam- 
mon's and  was  speedily  ushered  into  his  room.  Mr.  Gam- 
mon, who  was  sitting  reading  the  Sunday  Flash  at  a  table  on 
which  stood  a  couple  of  decanters,  several  wine-glasses,  and 
two  or  three  dishes  of  fruit,  rose  and  received  his  distin- 
guished visitor  with  the  most  delightful  affability. 

"I  am  most  happy,  Mr.  Titmouse,  to  see  you  in  this 
friendly  way,"  said  he,  shaking  him  by  the  hand. 

"Oh,  don't  name  it,  sir,"  quoth  Titmouse  rather  indis- 
tinctly, and  hastily  running  his  hand  through  his  hair. 

"I've  nothing,  you  see,  to  offer  you  but  a  little  fruit,  and 
a  glass  of  fair  port  or  sherry." 

"Particularly  fond  of  them,  sir,"  replied  Titmouse,  en- 
deavoring to  clear  his  throat;  for  in  spite  of  a  strong  effort 
to  appear  at  his  ease,  he  was  unsuccessful ;  so  that  when  Garn- 
mon's  keen  eye  glanced  at  the  bedizened  figure  of  his  guest, 
a  smile  passed  over  his  face  without  having  been  observed. 
"  77«V  thought  he,  "is  the  writer  of  the  dismal  epistle  of 
the  other  day,  announcing  his  desperation  and  destitution. 

"Your  health,  Mr.  Titmouse! — help  yourself!"  said  Mr. 
Gammon,  in  a  cheerful  and  cordial  tone.  Titmouse,  pouring 
out  a  glass  only  three-quarters  full,  raised  it  to  his  lips  with 
a  slightly  tremulous  hand,  and  returned  Mr.  Gammon's 
salutation. 

"  You  see,  Mr.  Titmouse,  mine's  only  a  small  bachelor's 
establishment,  and  I  cannot  put  my  old  servant  out  of  the 
way  by  having  my  friends  to  dinner." 

"Oh,  sir,  'pon  my  honor,  I  beg  you  won't  name  it — all 
one  to  me,  sir! — Beautiful  wine  this,  sir." 

"Pretty  fair,  I  think — certainly  rather  old — but  what  fruit 
will  you  take,  currants  or  cherries?" 

"Why — a — I've  so  lately  dined,"  replied  Titmouse,  alluding 
to  an  exceedingly  slight  repast  at  a  coffee-shop  about  two 
o'clock.  He  could  have  preferred  the  cherries,  but  did  not 
feel  quite  at  his  ease  how  to  dispose  of  the  stones  nicely — 
gracefully — so  he  took  a  very  few  red  currants  upon  his  plate, 
and  eat  them  slowly,  and  with  a  modest  air. 

"Well,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  commenced  Gammon  with  an  air 
of  concern,  "I  was  really  much  distressed  by  your  last  letter. 
I  had  no  idea  that  you  were  reduced  to  such  straits." 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  63 

"Quite  dreadful,  sir — 'pon  my  soul,  dreadful;  and  such 
usage  at  Mr.  Tag-rag's!" 

"  But  you  mustn't  think  of  going  abroad — away  from  all 
your  friends,  Mr.  Titmouse." 

"Abroad,  sir!"  interrupted  Titmouse  with  anxious  but 
subdued  eagerness;  "never  thought  of  such  a  thing!" 

"Oh!  I-I  thought— 

"There  isn't  a  word  of  truth  in  it,  sir;  and  if  you've  heard 
so  it  must  have  been  from  that  oudacious  fellow  that  called 
on  you — he's  such  a  liar !"  said  Titmouse  with  a  confident 
air,  quite  losing  sight  of  his  own  letter — "  No,  sir — shall  stay 
and  stick  to  friends  that  stick  to  me." 

"Take  another  glass  of  wine,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  interrupted 
Gammon  cordially,  and  Titmouse  obeyed  him;  but  while  he 
was  pouring  it  out,  a  sudden  recollection  of  his  letter  flashed 
across  his  mind,  satisfied  him  that  he  stood  detected  in  a 
flat  lie  before  Mr.  Gammon;  and  he  blushed  scarlet. 

"Do  you  like  the  sherry?"  inquired  Gammon,  perfectly 
aware  of  what  was  passing  through  the  mind  of  his  guest,  and 
wishing  to  divert  his  thoughts.  Titmouse  answered  in  the 
affirmative,  and  proceeded  to  pour  forth  such  a  number  of 
apologies  for  his  own  behavior  at  Saffron  Hill,  and  Huck- 
aback's on  the  subsequent  occasion,  that  Gammon  found  it 
difficult  to  stop  him,  tho  over  and  over  again  assuring  him 
all  had  been  forgiven  and  forgotten.  Then  Titmouse  came 
to  the  remittance  of  the  five  pounds — 

"Don't  mention  it,  my  dear  sir,"  interrupted  Gammon 
very  blandly;  "it  gave  me,  I  assure  you,  far  greater  satis- 
faction to  send  it  than  you  to  receive  it.  I  hope  it  has  a 
little  relieved  you?" 

"  I  think  so,  sir !     I  was,  'pon  my  life,  on  my  last  legs." 

"When  things  come  to  the  worst,  they  often  mend,  Mr. 
Titmouse !  I  told  Mr.  Quirk  that,  however  imprudent  it 
might  be  in  us  to  go  so  far,  I  could  not  help  relieving  your 
present  necessities,  even  out  of  my  own  resources." 

[Oh,  Gammon,  Gammon!] 

"How  uncommon  kind  of  you,  sir!"  exclaimed  Titmouse. 

"Not  in  the  least,  my  dear  sir — (pray  fill  another  glass, 
Mr.  Titmouse ! )  You  see,  Mr.  Quirk  is  quite  a  man  of  busi- 
ness— and  our  profession  too  often  affords  instances  of  persons 
whose  hearts  contract  as  their  purses  expand,  Mr.  Titmouse 


X 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  65 

— ha !  ha !  Indeed,  those  who  make  their  money  as  hard  as 
Mr.  Quirk,  are  apt  to  be  slow  at  parting  with  it,  and  very 
suspicious." 

"  Well,  I  hope  no  offense,  sir ;  but  really  I  thought  as  much, 
directly  I  saw  that  old  gent." 

"Ah — but  now  he  is  embarked,  heart  and  soul,  in  the 
affair." 

"No!     Is  he  really,  sir?"  inquired  Titmouse,  eagerly. 

"That  is,"  replied  Gammon  quickly,  "so  long  as  I  am  at 
his  elbow,  urging  him  on — for  he  wants  some  one  who — hem  ! 
In  fact,  my  dear  sir,  ever  since  I  had  the  good  fortune  to 
make  the  discovery,  which  happily  brought  us  acquainted 
with  each  other,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  [it  was  old  Quirk  who  had 
made  the  discovery,  and  Gammon  had  for  a  long  time  thrown 
cold  water  on  it,]  "I  have  been  doing  all  I  could  with 
him,  and  I  trust  I  may  say  have  at  last  got  the  thing  into 
shape." 

"I'll  take  my  oath,  sir,"  said  Titmouse  excitedly.  "I 
never  was  so  much  struck  with  any  one  in  all  my  born  days 
as  I  was  with  you,  sir,  when  you  first  came  to  my  emp — to 
Mr.  Tag-rag's,  sir — Lord,  sir,  how  uncommon  sharp  you 
seemed!"  Gammon  smiled  with  a  deprecating  air,  and 
sipped  his  wine  in  silence;  but  there  was  a  great  sweetness 
in  the  expression  of  his  countenance.  Poor  Titmouse's  doubts, 
hopes,  and  fears  were  rapidly  subsiding  into  a  reverence  for 
Gammon  ! 

"I  certainly  quite  agree  with  Mr.  Quirk,"  said  Gammon 
presently,  "that  the  difficulties  in  our  way  are  of  the  most 
serious  description.  To  speak,  for  an  instant  only,  of  the  risk 
we  ourselves  incur  personally — would  you  believe  it,  my  dear 
Mr.  Titmouse? — in  such  a  disgraceful  state  are  our  laws, 
that  we  can't  gratify  our  feelings  by  taking  up  your  cause 
without  rendering  ourselves  liable  to  imprisonment  for  Heaven 
knows  how  long,  and  a  fine  that  would  be  ruin  itself,  if  we 
should  be  found  out! — Champerty  and  Maintenance,  you 
know." 

Titmouse  continued  silent,  his  wine-glass  in  his  hand  ar- 
rested on  its  way  to  his  mouth,  as  he  stared  with  a  kind 
of  terror  upon  Mr.  Gammon.  "  Are  we,  then,  unreasonable, 
my  dear  sir,  in  entreating  you  to  be  cautious,  when  not 
only  your  own  best  interests,  but  our  characters,  liberties, 


66  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

and  fortunes  are  staked  on  the  issue  of  this  gieat  enter 
prise?  I  am  sure,"  continued  Gammon,  with  great  emotion, 
"you  will  feel  for  us,  Mr.  Titmouse.  I  see  you  do!"  Gam- 
mon put  his  hand  over  his  eyes,  in  order,  apparently,  to 
conceal  his  emotion,  but  really  to  observe  what  effect  he 
had  produced  upon  Titmouse.  The  conjoint  influence  of  Gam- 
mon's wine  and  eloquence  not  a  little  agitated  Titmouse, 
in  whose  eyes  stood  tears. 

"I'll  do  anything — anything,  sir,"  he  almost  sobbed. 

"  You  see,  I  have  the  utmost  confidence  in  you,  and  had  so 
from  the  first  happy  moment  when  we  met;  but  Mr.  Quirk 

is  rather  sus In  short,  to  prevent  misunderstanding,   Mr. 

Quirk  is  anxious  that  you  should  give  a  written  promise. 
[Titmouse  looked  eagerly  about  for  writing  materials.] 
No,  not  now,  but  in  a  day  or  two's  time.  I  confess,  my 
dear  Mr.  Titmouse,  if  /  might  have  decided  on  the  matter, 
I  should  have  been  satisfied  with  your  verbal  promise;  but 
I  must  say  Mr.  Quirk's  gray  hairs  seem  to  have  made  him 
quite — eh !  you  understand  ?  Don't  you  think  so,  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse?" 

"To  be  sure!  'pon  my  honor,  Mr.  Gammon!"  replied  Tit- 
mouse; not  very  distinctly  understanding,  however,  what 
he  was  so  energetically  assenting  to. 

"I  dare  say  you  wonder  why  we  wish  you  to  stop  a  few 
months  longer  at  your  present  hiding-place— at  Tag-rag's?" 

"Can't  possibly! — after  the  loth  of  next  month,  sir,"  re- 
plied Titmouse,  eagerly. 

"  But  as  soon  as  we  begin  to  fire  off  our  guns  against  the 
enemy — Lord,  my  dear  sir,  if  they  could  only  find  out,  you 
know,  where  to  get  at  you — you  would  never  live  to  enjoy 
your  ten  thousand  a  year !  They'd  either  poison  or  kidnap 
you — get  you  out  of  the  way,  unless  you  keep  out  of  their 
way;  and  if  you  will  but  consent  to  keep  snug  at  Tag-rag's 
for  a  while,  who'd  suspect  .where  you  was?  We  could  easily 
arrange  with  your  friend  Tag-rag  that  you  should — 

"  My  stars !  I'd  give  something  to  hear  you  tell  Tag-rag — 
why,  I  wonder  what  he'll  do ! " 

"  Make  you  very  comfortable,  and  let  you  have  your  own 
way  in  everything — that  you  may  rely  upon!" 

"Go  to  the  play,  for  instance,  whenever  I  want,  and  do 
all  that  sort  of  thing?" 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  67 

"Nay,  try!  anything! — And  as  for  money,  I've  persuaded 
Mr.  Quirk  to  consent  to  our  advancing  you  a  certain  sum 
per  week,  from  the  present  time,  while  the  cause  is  going 
on," — (Titmouse's  heart  began  to  beat  fast) — "in  order  to 
place  you  above  absolute  inconvenience;  and  when  you  con- 
sider the  awful  sums  we  shall  have  to  disburse — cash  out  of 
pocket  for  court-fees  and  other  indispensable  matters,  I  should 
candidly  say  that  four  thousand  pounds  of  hard  cash  out 
of  pocket,  advanced  by  our  firm  in  your  case,  would  be  the 
very  lowest."  (Titmouse  stared  at  him  with  an  expression 
of  stupid  wonder.)  "Yes — four  thousand  pounds,  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse, at  the  very  least — the  very  least."  Again  he  paused, 
keenly  scrutinizing  Titmouse's  features  by  the  light  of  the 
candles,  which  just  then  were  brought  in.  "You  seem  sur- 
prised, Mr.  Titmouse." 

"Why — why — where's  all  the  money  to  come  from,  sir?" 
exclaimed  Titmouse,  aghast. 

"  Ah !  that  is  indeed  a  fearful  question,"  replied  Gammon, 
with  a  very  serious  air;  "but  at  my  request,  our  firm  has 
agreed  to  make  the  necessary  advances;  and  also  to  supply 
your  necessities  liberally  in  the  mean  time." 

"Won't  you  take  another  glass  of  wine,  Mr.  Gammon?" 
suddenly  inquired  Titmouse,  with  a  confident  air. 

"With  all  my  heart,  Mr.  Titmouse!  I'm  delighted  that 
you  approve  of  it.  I  paid  enough  for  it,  I  can  warrant  you." 

"  Cuss  me  if  ever  I  tasted  such  wine !  Uncommon  !  Come 
— no  heel-taps,  Mr.  Gammon — here  goes — let's  drink — success 
to  the  affair!" 

"With  all  my  heart,  my  dear  sir — with  all  my  heart.  Suc- 
cess to  the  thing — amen!"  and  Gammon  drained  his  glass; 
so  did  Titmouse.  "  Ah !  Mr.  Titmouse,  you'll  soon  have 
wine  enough  to  float  a  frigate — and  indeed  why  not — with 
ten  thousand  a  year?" 

"And  all  the  back  rents,  you  know — ha!  ha!" 

"Yes — to  be  sure! — the  back-rents!  The  sweetest  estate 
that  is  to  be  found  in  all  Yorkshire!  Gracious,  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse!" continued  Gammon,  with  an  excited  air — "What 
may  you  not  do?  Go  where  you  like — do  what  you  like — get 
into  Parliament — marry  some  lovely  woman!" 

"Lord,  Mr.  Gammon!— ^you  a'n't  dreaming?  Nor  I?  But 
now,  in  course,  you  must  be  paid  handsome  for  your  trou- 


68  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

ble! — Only  say  how  much — Name  your  sum!  What  you 
please !  If  you  only  give  me  all  you've  said." 

"A  single  year's  income,  only — ten  thousand  pounds  will 
hardly " 

"  Ten  thousand  pounds !  By  jingo,  that  is  a  slice  out  of 
the  cake!  O  Lord!"  quoth  Titmouse,  looking  aghast. 

"A  mere  crumb,  my  dear  sir! — a  trifle!  Why,  we  are  go- 
ing to  give  you  that  sum  at  least  every  year — and  indeed  it 
was  suggested  to  our  firm,  that,  unless  you  gave  us  at  least 
a  sum  of  twenty-five  thousand  pounds — in  fact,  we  are  rec- 
ommended to  look  out  for  some  other  heir." 

"Well — curse  me,  if  you  sha'n't  do  what  you  like! — Give 
me  your  hand,  and  do  -what  you  like,  Mr.  Gammon!" 

"  Thank  you,  Mr.  Titmouse !  How  I  like  a  glass  of  wine 
with  a  friend  in  this  quiet  way ! — you'll  always  find  me  re- 
joiced to  show " 

"  Your  hand !  By  George — Didn't  I  take  a  liking  to  you 
from  the  first?  But  to  speak  my  mind  a  bit — as  for  Mr. 
Quirk — excuse  me — but  he's  a  cur — cur — mudg — mudg — mudg 
— eon — hem  !" 

"  Hope  you've  not  been  so  imprudent,  my  dear  Titmouse," 
threw  in  Mr.  Gammon,  rather  anxiously,  "as  to  borrow 
money — eh?" 

"Devil  knows,  and  devil  cares!  No  stamp,  I  know — bang 
up  to  the  mark," — here  he  winked  an  eye,  and  put  his  finger 
to  his  nose — "  wide  awake — Huck — uck — uck — uck  !  how  his 
name  sti — sticks.  Your  hand,  Mr.  Gammon — here — this,  this 
way — what  are  you  bobbing  your  head  about  for?  Ah,  ha! 
— The  floor — 'pon  my  life — how  funny — it's  like  being  at  sea 
— up,  down — oh,  dear ! " — he  clapped  his  hand  to  his  head. 

"  I'm  afraid  the  room's  rather  close,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  hastily 
observed  Gammon,  perceiving  from  Titmouse's  sudden  pale- 
ness and  silence  but  too  evident  symptoms  that  his  power- 
ful intellect  was  for  a  while  paralyzed.  Gammon  started  to 
the  window  and  opened  it.  Paler,  however,  and  paler  be- 
came Titmouse.  Gammon's  game  was  up  much  sooner  than 
he  had  calculated  on. 

"  Mrs.  Brown !  Mrs.  Brown !  order  a  cab  instantly,  and 
tell  Tomkins," — that  was  the  inner  porter — "to  get  his  son 
ready  to  go  home  with  this  gentleman — he's  not  very  well." 
It  was  in  truth,  all  up  with  Titmouse — at  least  for  a  while. 


CHAPTER   VII 

SHOWS   HOW   MR.  TAG-RAG,    AFTER  CHANGING  HIS  OPINION  OF 
THE  HERO,   BEGINS  TO  DREAM  DREAMS 

MR.  TITMOUSE  did  not  get  out  of  bed  on  the  Tuesday  till 
past  twelve  o'clock,  when,  in  a  very  rickety  condition,  he 
made  his  appearance  at  the  shop. 

"What  are  you  doing  here,  sir? — You're  no  longer  in  my 
employment,  sir,"  exclaimed  Tag-rag,  white  with  rage. 

"Sir!"  faintly  exclaimed  Titmouse,  hat  in  hand. 

"  Very  much  obliged,  sir — very !  by  the  offer  of  your  valu- 
able services,"  said  Tag-rag.  "  But — that's  the  way  out 
again,  sir — that! — there! — good  morning,  sir — good  morn- 
ing, sir! — that's  the  way  out" — and  he  egged  on  Titmouse, 
till  he  had  got  him  fairly  into  the  street.  Oh,  that  Mr.  Gam- 
mon had  witnessed  the  scene — and  so  have  been  satisfied 
that  it  had  been  Tag-rag  who  had  put  an  end  to  his  service  ! 

The  next  day  Mr.  Gammon  made  his  appearance  at  the 
establishment  and  inquired  for  Mr.  Tag-rag. 

"What  did  you  please  to  want,  sir?"  inquired  Mr.  Tag- 
rag,  with  a  would-be  resolute  air,  twirling  round  his  watch- 
key  with  some  energy. 

"Only  a  few  minutes'  conversation,  sir,  if  you  please,"  said 
Mr.  Gammon,  with  such  a  significant  manner  as  a  little  dis- 
turbed Mr.  Tag-rag;  who,  with  an  ill-supported  sneer,  bowed 
very  low,  and  led  the  way  to  his  own  little  room. 

"I  am  very  sorry,  Mr.  Tag-rag,"  commenced  Gammon, 
with  his  usual  elegant  and  feeling  manner,  "that  any  mis- 
understanding should  have  arisen  between  you  and  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse." 

"You're  a  lawyer,  sir,  I  suppose?"  Mr.  Gammon  bowed. 
"Then  you  must  know,  sir,  that  there  are  always  two  sides 
to  a  quarrel." 

"Yes— you  are  right,   Mr.  Tag-rag;  and,    having   already 


70  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

heard  Mr.  Titmouse's  version,  may  I  be  favored  with  your 
account  of  your  reasons  for  dismissing  him?" 

"What  did  I  dismiss  him  for? — Haven't  I  eyes  and  ears? — 
First  and  foremost  he's  the  most  odious-mannered  fellow  I 
ever  came  near — and — he  hadn't  a  shirt  to  his  back  when  I 
first  took  him — the  ungrateful  wretch! — Sir,  it's  not  against 
the  law,  I  suppose,  to  hate  a  man; — and  if  it  isn't,  how  I 
hate  Titmouse!" 

"Mr.  Tag-rag" — said  Gammon,  lowering  his  voice,  and 
looking  very  earnestly  at  his  companion — "can  I  say  a  word 
to  you  in  confidence — the  strictest  confidence!" 

"What  is  it  about,  sir?"  inquired  Tag-rag,  with  an  appre- 
hensive air. 

"  I  dare  say  you  may  have  felt,  perhaps,  rather  surprised 
at  the  interest  which  I — in  fact  our  office,  the  office  of  Quirk, 
Gammon,  and  Snap,  in  Saffron  Hill — appear  to  have  taken 
in  Mr.  Titmouse." 

"  Why,  sir,  it's  your  lookout  to  see  how  you're  to  be  paid 
for  what  you're  doing — and  I  dare  say  lawyers  generally  keep 
a  pretty  sharp  lookout  in  that  direction." 

Gammon  smiled  and  continued — "It  ma}-,  perhaps,  a  little 
surprise  you,  Mr.  Tag-rag,  to  hear  that  Mr.  Tittlebat  Tit- 
mouse is  at  this  moment  probably  the  very  luckiest  man  in 
this  kingdom." 

"Why — you  don't  mean  to  say  he's  drawn  a  prize  in  the 
lottery?"  exclaimed  Tag-rag,  pricking  up  his  ears. 

"  Pho  !  my  dear  sir,  that  is  a  mere  trifle  compared  with  the 
good  fortune  that  has  befallen  him.  I  solemnly  assure  you 
that  I  believe  he  will  turn  out  to  be  the  undoubted  owner  of 
an  estate  worth  at  least  ten  thousand  a  year,  besides  a  vast 
accumulation  of  ready  money  !" 

"Ten  thousand  a  year,  sir! — My  Titmouse! — Tittlebat 
Titmouse.! — Ten  thousand  a  year!"  faltered  Tag-rag,  after 
a  pause,  having  gone  as  pale  as  death. 

"  I  have  as  little  doubt  of  the  fact,  as  I  have  that  you 
yesterday  turned  him  out  of  doors,  Mr.  Tag-rag!" 

"But  who  could  have  dreamt  it?  How  was — really,  Mr. 
Gammon  ! — how  was  I  to  know  it?" 

"That's  the  fact,  however,"  said  Gammon,  shrugging  his 
shoulders.  Tag-rag  wriggled  about  in  his  chair,  put  his 
hands  in  and  out  of  his  pockets,  scratched  his  head,  and 


72  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

continued  staring  open-mouthed  at  the  bearer  of  such 
astounding  intelligence.  "  Perhaps,  however,  all  this  is 
meant  as  a  joke,  sir" — said  he — "and  if  so — it's — it's — a 
very " 

"It's  one  of  his  solicitors  who  were  fortunate  enough  to 
make  the  discovery,  that  tells  you.  I  repeat  what  I  have 
already  told  you,  Mr.  Tag-rag— that  an  estate  of  ten  thou- 
sand a  year  is  the  very  least " 

"Why,  that's  two  hundred  thousand  pounds,  sir!" — ex- 
claimed Tag-rag,  with  an  awe-struck  air. 

"At  the  very  least— 

"Lord,  Mr.  Gammon! — Excuse  me,  sir,  but  how  did  you 
find  it  out?" 

"Mere  accident — a  mere  accidental  discovery,  sir,  in  the 
course  of  other  professional  inquiries!" 

"And  does  Mr.  Titmouse  know  it?" 

"Ever  since  the  day  after  that  on  which  I  called  on  him 
here!"  replied  Gammon  pointedly. 

"You  don't  say  so!" — exclaimed  Tag-rag,  and. then  con- 
tinued silent  for  nearly  half  a  minute,  evidently  amazed  be- 
yond all  power  of  expression. 

"Well," — at  length  he  observed — "I  will  say  this — he's  the 
most  amiable  young  gentleman — the  very  amiablest  young 
gentleman  I — ever — came  near.  I  always  thought  there  was 
something  uncommon  superior-like  in  his  looks." 

"Yes — I  think  he  is  of  a  rather  amiable  turn,"  observed 
Gammon,  with  an  expressive  smile — "and  so  intelligent ; 

"  Intelligent !  Mr.  Gammon !  you  should  only  have  known 
him  as  I  have  known  him! — Well,  to  be  sure  I — Lord!  His 
only  fault  was  that  he  was  above  his  business;  but  when 
one  comes  to  think  of  it,  how  could  it  be  otherwise  ?  From 
the  time  I  first  clapped  eyes  on  him — I — I — knew  he  was — a 
superior  article — quite  superior — you  know  what  I  mean, 
sir? — He  couldn't  help  it  of  course! — to  be  sure — he  never 
was  much  liked  by  the  other  young  men ;  but  that  was  jeal- 
ousy! — all  jealousy;  I  saw  that  all  the  while."  Here  he 
looked  at  the  door,  and  added  in  a  very  low  tone,  "  Many 
sleepless  nights  has  their  bad  treatment  of  Mr.  Titmouse 
cost  me !  — Even  I,  now  and  then,  used  to  look  and  speak 
sharply  to  him — just  to  keep  him,  as  it  were,  down  to  the 
mark  of  the  others — he  was  so  uncommon  handsome  and 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  73 

genteel  in  his  manner,  sir.  Hang  me,  if  I  didn't  tell  Mrs. 
Tag-rag  the  very  first  day  he  came  to  me,  that  he  was  a 
gentleman  born — or  ought  to  have  been  one." 

"Now,  may  I  take  it  for  granted,  Mr.  Tag-rag,  that  we 
understand  each  other?"  replied  Gammon. 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  Tag-rag  meekly.  "  But  do  you  think 
Mr.  Titmouse  will  ever  forgive  or  forget  the  little  misunder- 
standing we've  lately  had?  If  I  could  but  explain  to  him 
how  I  have  been  acting  a  part  toward  him — all  for  his 
good!" 

"You  may  have  opportunities  for  doing  so,  if  you  are 
really  so  disposed,  Mr.  Tag-rag;  for  I  have  something  seri- 
ously to  propose  to  you.  Circumstances  render  it  desirable 
that  for  some  little  time  this  important  affair  should  be 
kept  as  quiet  as  possible;  and  it  is  Mr.  Titmouse's  wish  and 
ours — as  his  confidential  professional  advisers — that  for  some 
few  months  he  should  continue  in  your  establishment,  and 
apparently  in  your  service  as  before." 

"In  my  service! — my  service!"  interrupted  Tag-rag,  open 
ing  his  eyes  to  their  utmost.  "  I  sha'n't  know  how  to  be- 
have in  my  own  premises !  Have  a  man  with  ten  thousand 
a  year  behind  my  counter,  sir?  I  might  as  well  have  the 
Lord  Mayor  !  Sir,  it  can't — it  can't  be.  Now,  if  Mr.  Titmouse 
chose  to  become  a  partner  in  the  house — ay,  there  might  be 
something  in  that — he  needn't  have  any  trouble — be  only  a 
sleeping  partner."  Tag-rag  warmed  with  the  thought.. 
"Really,  sir,  that  wouldn't  be  so  much  amiss — would  it?" 
Gammon  assured  him  that  it  was  out  of  the  question ;  and 
gave  him  some  of  the  reasons  for  the  proposal  which  he 
(Mr.  Gammon)  had  been  making.  While  Gammon  fancied 
that  Tag-rag  was  paying  profound  attention  to  what  he 
was  saying,  Tag-rag's  thoughts  had  shot  far  ahead.  He 
had  an  only  child — a  daughter,  about  twenty  years  old — Miss 
Tabitha  Tag-rag;  and  the  delightful  possibility  of  her  by 
and  by  becoming  Mrs.  Titmouse  put  her  amiable  parent 
into  a  perspiration.  Mr.  Gammon,  having  arranged  every- 
thing exactly  as  he  had  desired,  and  having  again  enjoined 
Mr.  Tag-rag  to  absolute  secrecy,  took  his  departure.  Tag- 
rag  attended  him  with  extreme  obsequiousness  to  the  door, 
then  he  clapped  his  hat  on  his  head,  and  saying  that  he 
should  soon  be  back,  hurried  out  to  call  upon  his  future 


74  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

son-in-law,  full  of  affectionate  anxiety  concerning  his  health 
— and  vowing  within  himself  that  henceforth  it  should  be 
the  study  of  his  life  to  make  his  daughter  and  Titmouse 
happy ! 

He  found  Titmouse  not  at  home;  so  he  left  a  most  partic- 
ularly civil  message  with  Mrs.  Squallop  to  the  effect  that 
he,  Mr.  Tag-rag,  should  be  only  too  happy  to  see  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse at  No.  375  Oxford  Street  whenever  it  might  suit 
his  convenience;  that  he  had  something  very  particular  to 
say  to  him  about  the  unpleasant  and  unaccountable  occur- 
rence of  yesterday;  that  he  was  most  deeply  concerned  to 
hear  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  indisposition,  and  anxious  to  learn 
from  himself  that  he  had  recovered,  etc.  etc.  etc. 

Twice  afterward  during  the  day  did  Tag-rag  call  at  Tit- 
mouse's lodgings — but  in  vain.  How  totally  changed  had 
become  all  his  feelings  toward  that  gentleman  within  the 
last  few  hours !  The  more  Tag-rag  reflected  on  Titmouse's 
conduct,  the  more  he  saw  in  it  to  approve  of.  How  steady 
and  regular  had  he  been  in  his  habits  !  how  civil  and  obliging ! 
how  patient  of  rebuke !  how  pleasing  in  his  manners  to  the 
customers !  Tag-rag  was  now  ready  to  forget  and  forgive 
all — he  had  never  meant  any  harm  to  Titmouse.  He  believed 
that  poor  Tittlebat  was  an  orphan,  poor  soul !  alone  in  the 
wide  world — now  he  would  become  the  prey  of  designing 
strangers.  Tag-rag  did  not  like  the  appearance  of  Gammon. 
•No  doubt  that  person  would  try  and  ingratiate  himself  as 
much  as  possible  with  Titmouse!  Then  Titmouse  was  re- 
markably good-looking.  "I  wonder  what  Tabby  will  think 
of  him  when  she  sees  him!"  How  anxious  Tittlebat  must 
be  to  see  her — his  daughter !  How  could  Tag-rag  make 
Tittlebat's  stay  at  his  premises  agreeable  and  delightful? 
He  would  discharge  the  first  of  his  young  men  that  did  not 
show  Titmouse  proper  respect.  What  low  lodgings  poor 
Tittlebat  lived  in !  Why  could  he  not  take  up  his  quarters 
at  Satin  Lodge?  They  always  had  a  nice  spare  bedroom. 
Ah !  that  would  be  a  stroke !  How  Tabby  could  endear 
herself  to  him !  What  a  number  of  things  Mrs.  Tag-rag 
could  do  to  make  him  comfortable ! 

That  same  evening  Mrs.  and  Miss  Tag-rag  were  sitting 
in  the  front  parlor,  intending  to  take  tea  as  soon  as  Mr. 
Tag-rag  should  have  arrived.  The  skinny  little  Miss  Tag- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  75 

rag  sat  at  the  worn-out,  jingling  pianoforte,  playing — oh, 
horrid  and  doleful  sound! — The  Battle  of  Prague.  Mrs.  Tag- 
rag,  a  fat,  showily-dressed  woman  of  about  fifty,  her  cap 
having  a  prodigious  number  of  artificial  flowers  in  it,  sat 
reading  a  profitable  volume  entitled  Groans  from  the  Bot- 
tomless Pit  to  Awaken  Sleeping  Sinners,  by  the  Rev.  DISMAL 
HORROR — a  rousing  young  dissenting  preacher  lately  come 
into  that  neighborhood,  who  had  almost  frightened  into  fits 
half  the  women  and  children,  and  one  or  two  old  men,  of 
his  congregation. 

"Well,  Dolly,  how  are  you  to-night?"  inquired  Tag-rag, 
with  unusual  briskness,  on  entering  the  room. 

"  Tolerable,  thank  you,  Tag,"  replied  Mrs.  Tag-rag  mourn- 
fully, with  a  sigh,  closing  the  cheerful  volume  she  had  been 
perusing. 

"And  how  are  you,  Tabby?"  said  Tag-rag,  addressing  his 
daughter.  "Come  and  kiss  me,  you  little  slut — come!" 

"  No,  I  sha'n't,  pa !  Do  let  me  go  on  with  my  practising" 
—and  twang !  went  those  infernal  keys. 

"D'ye  hear,  Tab?    Come  and  kiss  me  you  little  minx 

"  Really,  pa,  how  provoking — just  as  I  am  in  the  middle 
of  the  Cries  of  the  Wounded!  I  sha'n't— that's  flat." 

The  doting  parent  would  not,  however,  be  denied;  so  he 
stepped  to  the  piano,  put  his  arm  around  his  dutiful 
daughter's  neck,  kissed  her  fondly,  and  then  stood  for  a 
moment  behind  her,  admiring  her  brilliant  execution  of  The 
Trumpet  of  Victory.  Having  changed  his  coat,  and  put 
on  an  old  pair  of  shoes,  Tag-rag  was  comfortable  for  the 
evening. 

"  Tabby  plays  wonderful  well,  Dolly,  don't  she?"  said  Tag- 
rag,  as  the  tea  things  were  being  brought  in,  by  way  of 
beginning  a  conversation,  while  he  drew  his  chair  nearer  to 
his  wife. 

"  Ah !  I'd  a  deal  rather  see  her  reading  something  serious 
— for  life  is  short,  Tag,  and  eternity's  long." 

"  Botheration  !— Stuff!— Tut !" 

"You  may  find  it  out  one  day,  my  dear,  when  it's  too 
late " 

"I'll  tell  you  what,  Dolly,"  said  Tag-rag  angrily,  "you're 
coming  a  great  deal  too  much  of  that  sort  of  thing — my 
house  is  getting  like  a  Methodist  meeting-house.  I  can't 


76  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

bear  it, — I  can't !  What  the  deuce  is  coming  to  you  all  in 
these  parts,  lately  ?" 

"Ah,  Tag-rag,"  replied  his  wife,  with  a  sigh,  "I  can  only 
pray  for  you — I  can  do  no  more — 

"Oh!"  exclaimed  Tag-rag  with  an  air  of  desperate  dis- 
gust, thrusting  his  hands  into  his  pockets,  and  stretching 
his  legs  to  their  utmost  extent  under  the  table.  "I'll  tell 
you  what,  Mrs.  T.,"  he  added,  after  a  while,  "too  much  of 
one  thing  is  good  for  nothing;  you  may  choke  a  dog  with 
pudding : — I  sha'n't  renew  my  sitting  at  Mr.  Horror's." 

"Oh,  dear,  dear  pa,  do!  That's  a  love  of  a  pa!"  inter- 
posed Miss  Tag-rag,  twirling  around  on  her  music-stool. 
"All  Clapham's  running  after  him — he's  quite  the  rage! 
There's  the  Dugginses,  the  Pips,  the  Jones,  the  Maggots — 
and,  really,  Mr.  Horror  does  preach  such  dreadful  things, 
it's  quite  delightful  to  look  round  and  see  all  the  people 
with  their  eyes  and  mouths  wide  open — and  ours  is  such  a 
good  pew  for  seeing — and  Mr.  Horror  is  such  a  bee — yeauti- 
ful  preacher, — isn't  he,  ma?" 

"  Yes,  love,  he  is — but  I  wish  I  could  see  you  profit  by  him, 
preparing  for  death — 

"  Why,  ma,  how  can  you  go  on  in  that  ridiculous  way  ? 
You  know  I'm  not  twenty  yet!" 

"  Well,  well !  poor  Tabby  !  "—here  Mrs.  Tag-rag's  voice  fal- 
tered— "a  day  will  come,  when — 

"  Play  me  the  Devil  among  the  Tailors  or  Copenhagen  Waltz; 
something  of  that  sort,  Tabby,"  said  her  father  furiously, 
"or  I  shall  be  sick! — I  can't  bear  it!  Curse  Mr.  Hor " 

"Well! — Oh,  my! — I  never! — Mr.  Tag-rag!"  exclaimed  his 
astounded  wife. 

"  Play  away,  Tab,  or  I'll  go  and  sit  in  the  kitchen  !  They're 
cheerful  there!  The  next  time  I  come  across  Mr.  Horror, 
if  I  don't  give  him  a  bit  of  my  mind —  '  here  he  paused, 
and  slapped  his  hand  with  much  energy  upon  the  table. 
Mrs.  Tag-rag  wiped  her  eyes,  sighed,  and  resumed  her  book. 
Miss  Tag-rag  began  to  make  tea,  her  papa  gradually  for- 
getting his  rage,  as  he  fixed  his  dull  gray  eyes  fondly  on  the 
pert,  skinny  countenance  of  his  daughter. 

"  By  the  way,  Tag,"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Tag-rag  suddenly,  but 
in  the  same  mournful  tone,  addressing  her  husband,  "you 
haven't,  of  course,  forgot  the  flowers  for  my  new  bonnet?" 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  77 

"Never  once  thought  of  it,"  replied  Tag-rag,  doggedly. 

"  You  haven't !  Good  gracious !  what  am  I  to  go  to  chapel 
in  next  Sunday!"  she  exclaimed  with  sudden  alarm,  closing 
her  book,  "and  our  seat  in  the  very  front  of  the  gallery — 
bless  me!  I  shall  have  a  hundred  eyes  on  me!" 

"Now  that  you're  coming  down  a  bit,  and  dropped  out 
of  the  clouds,  Dolly,"  said  her  husband,  much  relieved,  "I'll 
tell  you  a  bit  of  news  that  will,  I  fancy,  rather " 

"Come!  what  is  it,  Tag?"  eagerly  inquired  his  wife. 

"  What  should  you  say  of  a  chance  of  a  certain  somebody" 
(here  he  looked  unutterable  things  at  his  daughter)  "that 
shall  be  nameless,  becoming  mistress  often  thousand  a  year." 

"  Why" — Mrs.  Tag-rag  changed  color — "  has  any  one  fallen 
in  love  with  Tab?" 

"What  should  you  say,  Mrs.  T.,  of  our  Tab  marrying  a 
man  with  ten  thousand  a  year?  There's  for  you  !  Isn't  that 
better  than  all  your — 

"Oh,  Tag,  don't  say  that;  but" — here  she  hastily  turned 
down  the  leaf  of  Groans  from  the  Bottomless  Pit,  and  tossed 
that  inestimable  work  upon  the  sofa — "  do  tell  me,  lovey  ! 
what  are  you  talking  about?" 

"What  indeed,  Dolly! — I'm  going  to  have  him  here  to 
dinner  next  Sunday." 

Miss  Tag-rag,  having  been  listening  with  breathless  eager- 
ness to  this  little  colloquy  between  her  prudent  and  amiable 
parents,  unconscious  of  what  she  was  about,  poured  all  the 
tea  into  the  sugar-basin,  instead  of  her  papa's  tea-cup. 

"Have  who,  dear  Tag?"  inquired  Mrs.  Tag-rag  impatiently. 

"Who?  Why,  whom  but  my  Tittlebat  Titmouse!  You've 
seen  him,  and  heard  me  speak  of  him  often,  you  know — 

"What!—  that  odious,  nasty- 

"Hush,  hush!"  involuntarily  exclaimed  Tag-rag,  with  an 
apprehensive  air — "That's  all  past  and  gone — I  was  always 
a  little  too  hard  on  him.  Well,  at  all  events,  he's  turned  up 
all  of  a  sudden  master  of  ten  thousand  a  year.  He  has, 
'indeed — may  this  piece  of  toast  choke  me  if  he  hasn't!" 

Mrs.   Tag-rag  and  her  daughter  sat  in  speechless  wonder. 

"Where  did  he  see  Tab,  Taggy?"  inquired  at  length  Mrs. 
Tag-rag. 

"  Oh — I — I — why — you  see — I  don't  exactly  think  that  signi- 
fies so  much— He  will  see  her,  you  know,  next  Sunday." 


78  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"So  then  he's  positively  coming?"  inquired  Mrs.  Tag-rag 
with  a  fluttered  air. 

"Y-€— s— I've  no  doubt." 

"  But  aren't  we  counting  our  chickens,  Taggy,  before  they're 
hatched?  If  Titmouse  is  all  of  a  sudden  become  such  a 
catch,  he'll  be  snapped  up  in  a  minute,  you  know  of 
course " 

"  Why,  you  see,  Dolly — we're  first  in  the  market,  I'm  sure 
of  that — his  attorney  tells  me  he's  to  be  kept  quite  snug  and 
quiet  under  my  care  for  months,  and  see  no  one " 

"  My  gracious ! "  exclaimed  Mrs.  Tag-rag,  holding  up  both 
her  hands — "If  that  don't  look  like  a  special  interposition 
of  Providence,  now " 

"  So  /  thought,  Tabby,  while  Mr.  Gammon  was  telling 
me!"  replied  her  husband. 

"Ah,  Tag,  there  are  many  of  'em,  if  we  were  only  to  be 
on  the  lookout  for  them!" 

"  I  see  it  all !  It's  designed  by  Providence  to  get  them 
soon  together  !  When  once  Mr.  Titmouse  gets  sight  of  Tabby, 
and  gets  into  her  company — eh  !  Tab,  lovey  !  you'll  do  the 
rest,  hem !" 

"La,   pa!   how  you  go  on!"  simpered  Miss  Tag-rag. 

"You  must  do  your  part,  Tab,"  said  her  father — "we'll 
do  ours.  He'll  bite,  you  may  depend  on  it,  if  you  manage 
well!" 

"What  sort  of  a  looking  young  man  is  he,  dear  pa?"  in- 
quired Miss  Tag-rag  blushing,  and  her  heart  fluttering  very 
fast. 

"Oh,  you  must  have  seen  him,  sweetest " 

"  How  could  I  ever  notice  any  one  of  the  lots  of  young 
men  at  the  shop,  pa? — I  don't  at  all  know  him." 

"Well — he's  the  handsomest,  most  genteel-looking  young 
fellow  I  ever  came  across;  he's  long  been  an  ornament  to 
my  establishment,  for  his  good  looks  and  civil  and  obliging 
manners — quite  a  treasure !  You  should  have  seen  how  he 
took  with  ladies  of  rank  always! " 

"Dear  me,"  interrupted  Mrs.  Tag-rag,  anxiously  address- 
ing her  daughter,  "I  hope,  Tabby,  that  Miss  Nix  will  send 
home  your  lilac-colored  frock  by  next  Sunday!" 

"  If  she  don't,  ma,  I'll  take  care  she  never  makes  anything 
more  for  yne,  that's  poz!"  replied  Miss  Tag-rag  earnestly. 


CHAPTER    VIII 

RELATES    HOW    MR.    TAG-RAG    CONVINCES  THE  HERO    OF  THE 

GENUINENESS    OF    HIS    AFFECTION,    WITH    MR. 

GAMMON'S  COMMENTS  THEREUPON 

TITMOUSE,  about  half-past  nine  o'clock  on  the  ensuing 
morning,  was  sitting  in  his  little  room  in  a  somewhat  troub- 
led humor,  musing  on  many  things,  when  a  knock  at  his 
door  started  him  out  of  his  reverie.  There  stood,  on  open- 
ing it,  Mr.  Tag-rag ! 

"Your  most  obedient,  sir,"  commenced  that  gentleman, 
in  a  subdued  and  obsequious  manner,  plucking  off  his  hat 
the  instant  he  saw  Titmouse.  "  I  hope  you're  better,  sir ! 
— Been  very  uneasy,  sir,  about  you." 

"Please  to  walk  in,  sir,"  replied  Titmouse,  not  a  little 
flustered — "  I'm  better,  sir,  thank  you.  But  when  I  was  in 
your  employ " 

"  Was  in  my  employ!"  interrupted  Tag-rag  with  a  sigh, 
gazing  earnestly  at  him — "It's  no  use  trying  to  hide  it  an}' 
longer !  I've  all  along  seen  you  was  a  world  too  good  for — 
in  fact,  quite  above  your  situation  in  my  poor  shop !  I 
may  have  been  wrong,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  he  continued  diffi- 
dently— "but  I  did  it  for  the  best — eh? — don't  you  under- 
stand me,  Mr.  Titmouse?"  Titmouse  continued  looking  on 
the  floor  incredulously,  sheepishly,  and  somewhat  sullenly. 

"Very  much  obliged,  sir — but  must  say  you've  rather  a 
funny  way  of  showing  it,  sir.  Look  at  the  sort  of  life  you've 
led  me  for  this 

"  Ah  !  knew  you'd  say  so !  But  I  can  lay  my  hand  on  my 
heart,  Mr.  Titmouse,  and  declare  to  God — I  can,  indeed,  Mr. 
Titmouse —  Titmouse  preserved  a  very  embarrassing 

silence — ."  See  I'm  out  of  your  good  books — But — won't  you 
forget  and  forgive,  Mr.  Titmouse?  I  meant  well.  Nay,  I 
humbly  beg  forgiveness  for  everything  you've  not  liked  in 


8o  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

me.  Can  I  say  more  ?  Come,  Mr.  Titmouse,  you've  a  noble 
nature,  and  I  ask  forgiveness!" 

"You — you  ought  to  do  it  before  the  whole  shop,  if  you're 
in  earnest,"  replied  Titmouse,  a  little  relenting — "for  they've 
all  seen  your  goings  on." 

"Them! — the  brutes! — the  vulgar  fellows,  eugh  ! — you  and 
I,  Mr.  Titmouse,  are  a  leetle  above  them !  D'ye  think  we 
ought  to  mind  what  servants  say? 

"  Ah  !  I  don't  know — you've  used  me  most  uncommon  bad, 
'pon  my  soul !  — you've  nearly  broke  my  heart,  sir  !  You  have  ! " 

"  Well,  my  womankind  at  home  are  right,  after  all !  They 
told  me  all  along  I  was  going  the  wrong  way  to  work,  when 
I  said  how  I  tried  to  keep  your  pride  down,  and  prevent 
you  from  having  your  head  turned  by  knowing  your  good 
looks !  Over  and  over  again,  my  little  girl  has  said,  with 
tears  in  her  dear  eyes,  'You'll  break  his  spirit,  dear  papa — 
if  he  is  handsome,  wasn't  it  God  that  made  him  so?'"  The 
little  frost-work  which  Titmouse  had  thrown  around  his  heart, 
began  to  melt  like  snow  under  sunbeams.  "Ah,  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse, Mr.  Titmouse !  the  women  are  always  right,  and 
we're  always  wrong,"  continued  Tag-rag  earnestly,  perceiv- 
ing his  advantage.  "  Upon  my  soul,  I  could  kick  myself  for 
my  stupidity  !" 

"  Ah,  I  should  think  so !  No  one  knows  what  I  have  suf- 
fered !  And  now  that  I'm — I  suppose  you've  heard  it  all,  sir? 
— what's  in  the  wind — and  all  that?" 

"  Yes,  sir — Mr.  Gammon  and  I  have  had  a  long  talk  yester- 
day about  you,  in  which  he  did  certainly  tell  me  everything. 

0  Lord!  the  news  is  really  delightful!    delightful!" 
" Isn't  it,   sir?"  eagerly  interrupted  Titmouse. 

"  Ah !  ten  thous — I  must  shake  hands  with  you,  my  dear 
Mr.  Titmouse;  Thomas  Tag-rag  may  be  a  plain-spoken  and 
wrong-headed  man,  Mr.  Titmouse — but  he  has  a  warm  heart, 

1  assure  you !" 

"And  did  Mr.  Gammon  tell  you  all,  sir?"  eagerly  inter- 
rupted Titmouse. 

"Everything — everything;  quite  confidential,  I  assure  you, 
for  he  saw  the  interest  I  felt  in  you !" 

"  And  did  he  say  about  my — hem  !  — eh  ?  my  stopping  a 
few  weeks  longer  with  you?"  inquired  Titmouse,  chagrin 
overspreading  his  features. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


8r 


"  I  think  he  did,  indeed,  Mr.  Titmouse !  He's  quite  bent 
on  it,  sir!" 

"Ton  my  soul,  you  speak  most  uncommon  gentleman- 
like, sir,  certainly!"  said  Titmouse,  with  a  little  excitement— 


*  THomJo  T&grag  may  be 
&  pl'&in- spoken  and  wrong- 
headed  rrrtvn  —   but  he  had 
fc   w&rm    heart. 


"and  if  you'd  only  ativays—but  that's  all  past  and  gone; 
and  I've  no  objections  to  say  at  once,  that  all  the  articles 
I  may  want  in  your  line  I'll  have  at  your  establishment,  pay 
cash  down,  and  ask  for  no  discount.'" 
6 


82  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"You  won't  forget  your  oldest,  your  truest,  your  hum- 
blest friend,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  Tag-rag,  with  a  cringing 
air. 

"Hem! — Now,  are  you  such  a  friend,  Mr.  Tag-rag?"  cried 
he  sheepishly. 

"Am  I? — Can  you  doubt  me?    Try  me!" 

"Well — if  you've  a  mind  to  prove  your  words,  Mr.  Tag- 
rag,  and  don't  mind  advancing  me  a  ten-pound  note 

"Why — was  ever  anything  so  unfortunate?"  stammered 
Tag-rag.  "  That  cursed  lot  of  French  goods  I  bought  only 
yesterday  to  be  paid  for  this  very  morning — and  it  will  drain 
me  of  every  penny  ! " 

"Ah— yes!— True!  Well,  it  don't  much  signify,"  said  Tit- 
mouse carelessly,  running  his  hand  through  his  bushy  hair. 
"  In  fact,  I  needn't  have  bothered  an  old  friend  at  all,  now  I 
think  of  it — Mr.  Gammon  says  he's  my  banker  to  any  amount. 
I  beg  pardon,  I'm  sure " 

Tag-rag  was  in  a  horrid  dilemma.  He  felt  so  flustered  by 
the  suddenness  and  seriousness  of  the  thing,  that  he  could 
not  see  his  way  plain  in  any  direction. 

"Let  me  see,"  at  length  he  stammered;  and  pulling  a 
ready-reckoner  out  of  his  pocket,  he  affected  to  be  consulting 
it,  as  if  to  ascertain  merely  the  state  of  his  banker's  account, 
but  really  desiring  a  few  moments'  time  to  collect  his  thoughts. 
'Twas  in  vain,  however;  he  saw  no  way  of  escape;  he  must, 
he  feared,  cash  up!  "Well,"  said  he — "it  certainly  is  rather 
unfortunate,  just  at  this  precise  moment;  but  I'll  step  to  the 
shop,  and  see  how  my  ready-money  matters  stand.  It  sha'n't 
be  a  trifle,  Mr.  Titmouse,  that  shall  stand  between  us.  But— 
if  I  should  be  hard  run — perhaps — eh?  Would  a  five-pound 
note  do?" 

"  Why — a — a — certainly,  if  it  wouldn't  suit  you  to  advance 
the  ten " 

"I  dare  say,"  interrupted  Tag-rag,  a  trifle  relieved,  "I 
shall  be  able  to  accommodate  you.  Perhaps  you'll  step  on 
to  the  shop  presently,  and  then  we  can  talk  over  matters ! 
— By  the  way — did  you  ever  see  anything  so  odd? — forgot 
the  main  thing;  come  and  take  your  mutton  with  me  at 
Clapham,  next  Sunday — my  womankind  will  be  quite  de- 
lighted. Nay,  'tis  their  invitation — ha,  ha!" 

"You're   uncommon   polite,"    replied    Titmouse,    coloring 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  83 

with  pleasure.  Here  seemed  the  first  pale  primrose  of  the 
coming  spring — an  invitation  to  Satin  Lodge! 

"The  politeness — the  favor — will  be  yours,  Mr.  Titmouse! 
I'm  quite  proud  of  your  coming!  We  shall  be  quite  alone; 
have  you  all  to  ourselves;  only  me,  my  wife,  and  daughter — 
an  only  child,  Mr.  Titmouse — such  a  child !  She's  really 
often  said  to  me,  '  I  wonder' — but, — I  won't  make  you  vain, 
eh  !  May  I  call  it  a  fixture?" 

'"Pon  my  life,  Mr.  Tag-rag,  you're  monstrous  uncommon 
polite.  It's  true,  I  was  going  to  dine  with  Mr.  Gammon — 

"Oh!  pho!  he's  only  a  bachelor — I've  got  ladies  in  the 
case,  and  all  that — eh,  Mr.  Titmouse?  and  a  young  one!" 

"Well,   thank  you,  sir.    Since  you're  so  pressing — 

"That's  it!  An  engagement  poz  ! — Satin  Lodge — for  Sun- 
day next,"  said  Tag-rag,  rising  and  looking  at  his  watch. 
"Time  for  me  to  be  off.  See  you  soon  at  the  shop?  Soon 
arrange  that  little  matter  of  business,  eh?  You  understand? 
Good-by !  good-by ! "  and  shaking  Titmouse  cordially  by 
the  hand,  Tag-rag  took  his  departure. 

By  the  time  that  Titmouse  had  made  his  appearance  at 
the  shop,  Tag-rag  had  determined  on  the  course  he  should 
pursue  in  the  very  embarrassing  matter  above  referred  to. 
To  the  amazement  of  all  present,  he  bolted  out  of  a  little 
counting-house,  hastened  to  meet  Titmouse  with  outstretched 
hand  and  cordial  speech,  drew  him  into  his  little  room,  and 
shut  the  door.  There  Tag-rag  informed  his  flurried  young 
friend  that  he  had  made  arrangements  (with  a  little  incon- 
venience, which  between  friends  signified  nothing)  for  lend- 
ing Titmouse  five  pounds. 

"And,  as  life's  uncertain,  my  dear  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said 
Tag-rag,  as  Titmouse,  with  ill-disguised  ecstasy,  put  the 
five-pound  note  into  his  pocket — "even  between  the  dearest 
friends — eh?  Understand?  It's  not  you  I  fear,  nor  you  me, 
because  we've  confidence  in  each  other.  But  if  anything 
should  happen,  those  we  leave  behind  us" — Here  he  took  out 
of  his  desk,  an  "  I.  O.  U.  £5,"  ready  drawn  up  and  dated — 
"  a  mere  slip — a  word  or  two — is  satisfaction  to  both  of  us." 

"Oh,  yes,  sir!  yes,  sir! — anything!"  said  Titmouse;  and 
hastily  taking  the  pen  proffered  him,  signed  his  name;  on 
which  Tag-rag  felt  a  little  relieved.  The  head  shopman  was 
summoned  into  the  room,  and  thus  addressed  by  his  imperi- 


84  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

ous  employer :  "  Mr.  Lutestring,  you  will  have  the  good- 
ness to  see  that  Mr.  Titmouse  is  treated  by  every  person 
in  my  establishment  with  the  utmost  possible  respect.  Who- 
ever treats  this  gentleman  with  the  slightest  disrespect  isn't 
any  longer  a  servant  of  mine.  D'ye  hear  me,  Mr.  Lute- 
string?" added  Tag-rag  sternly,  observing  a  very  significant 
glance  of  intense  hatred  which  Lutestring  directed  toward 
Titmouse.  "D'ye  hear  me,  sir?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  sir !  yes,  sir !  your  orders  shall  be  attended  to," 
he  replied  in  as  insolent  a  tone  as  he  could  venture  upon, 
and  leaving  the  room  he  had  within  five  minutes  filled  the 
mind  of  every  shopman  in  the  establishment  with  feelings 
of  mingled  wonder,  hatred,  and  fear  towards  Titmouse.  What 
could  have  happened?  What  was  Mr.  Tag-rag  about?  "  D — n 
Titmouse!"  said  or  thought  every  one  of  them ! 

The  next  day  Mr.  Gammon  called  and  contrived  to  get 
Titmouse's  signature  to  sundry  papers  of  no  little  conse- 
quence; amongst  others,  first,  to  a  bond  conditioned  for 
the  payment  of  £500;  second,  another  for  £1 0,000;  and 
last,  an  agreement  (of  which  he  gave  Titmouse  an  al- 
leged copy)  by  which  Titmouse,  in  consideration  of  Messrs. 
Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  using  their  best  exertions  to 
put  him  in  possession  of  the  estate,  etc.,  etc.,  bound  him- 
self to  conform  to  their  wishes  in  everything,  on  pain  of 
their  instantly  throwing  up  the  whole  affair,  looking  out 
for  another  heir-at-law  (?)  and  issuing  execution  forthwith 
against  Titmouse  for  all  expenses  incurred  under  his  retainer. 
When  Gammon  had  got  to  this  point,  he  thought  it  the 
fitting  opportunity  for  producing  a  second  five-pound  note. 
He  did  so,  and  put  Titmouse  thereby  into  an  ecstasy.  Gam- 
mon easily  obtained  from  him  an  account  of  his  little  money 
transactions  with  Huckaback — of  which,  however,  all  he  could 
tell  was — that  for  ten  shillings  down,  he  had  given  a  written 
engagement  to  pay  fifty  pounds  on  getting  the  estate.  Of 
this  Gammon  made  a  careful  memorandum,  explaining  the 
atrocious  villainy  of  Huckaback — and,  in  short,  that  if  he 
(Titmouse)  did  not  look  very  sharply  about  him,  he  would 
be  robbed  right  and  left. 

"  But,  by  the  way,  talking  of  money,"  said  Titmouse  sud- 
denly, "you  can't  think  how  surprising  handsome  Mr.  Tag- 
rag  has  behaved  to  me  ! " 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  85 

"Indeed,  my  dear  sir!  what  has  he  done?" 

"Advanced  me  five  pounds — all  of  his  own  head!" 

Throwing  as  much  smiling  indifference  into  his  manner  as 
was  possible,  Gammon  asked  Titmouse  the  particulars  of  so 
strange  a  transaction.  Titmouse  answered  that  Mr.  Tag- 
rag  had,  in  the  very  handsomest  way,  volunteered  the  loan 
of  five  pounds ;  and  moreover  offered  him  any  further  sum 
he  might  require ! 

"What  a  charming  change,  Mr.  Titmouse!"  exclaimed 
Gammon,  with  a  watchful  eye  and  anxious  smile. 

"Most  delightful,  'pon  my  soul!" 

"Rather  sudden,  too! — eh? — Mr.  Titmouse?" 

"Why — no — no;  I  should  say,  'pon  my  life,  certainly  not. 
The  fact  is,  we've  long  misunderstood  each  other.  He's  had 
an  uncommon  good  opinion  of  me  all  the  while — people  have 
tried  to  set  him  against  me;  but  it's  no  use;  he's  found  them 
out — he  told  me  so !  And  he's  not  only  said,  but  done  the 
handsome  thing!  He's  turned  up,  by  Jove,  a  trump  all  of 
a  sudden — though  it  long  looked  an  ugly  card." 

"  Ha,  ha,  ha  ! — very  ! — how  curious  !" 

"I'm  going,  too,  to  dine  at  Satin  Lodge,  Mr.  Tag-rag's 
country  house,  next  Sunday." 

"Indeed  !    It  will  be  quite  a  change  for  you,  Mr.  Titmouse  !' 

"Yes,  it  will,  by  Jove;  and — a — a — what's  more — there's 
— hem! — you  understand?" 

"  Go  on,  I  beg,  my  dear  Mr.  Titmouse 

"There's  a  lady  in  the  case — not  that  she's  said  anything; 
but  a  nod's  as  good  as  a  wink  to  a  blind  horse — eh?  Mr. 
Gammon?" 

"  I  should  think  so — Miss  Tag-rag  will  have  money,  of 
course?" 

"You've  hit  it!    Lots!    But  I've  not  made  up  my  mind." 

"Of  course,  Mr.  Tag-rag  took  no  security  for  his  loan, 
between  such  close  friends  as  you  and  him?" 

"Oh — why— now  you  mention  it — But  'twas  only  a  line — 
one  line." 

"I  knew  it,  my  dear  sir,"  interrupted  Gammon  calmly, 
"Tag-rag  and  Huckaback,  they're  on  a  par — ah,  ha,  ha!" 

"  What  keen  eyes  you  lawyers  have,  to  be  sure !  Well — I 
never" — he  was  evidently  somewhat  staggered.  "I — I — must 
say,"  he  presently  added,  looking  gratefully  at  Gammon, 


86 

"  I  think  I  do  now  know  of  a  true  friend,  that  sent  me  two 
five-pound  notes,  and  never  asked  for  any  security." 

"My  dear  sir,  you  really  pain  me  by  alluding  to  such  a 
matter!" 

[Oh,  Gammon,  is  not  this  too  bad !  What  are  the  papers 
which  you  know  are  now  in  your  pocket,  signed  only  this 
very  evening  by  Titmouse?] 

"You  are  not  a  match  for  Tag-rag,  Titmouse;  because  he 
was  made  for  a  tradesman — you  are  not.  Do  you  think  he 
would  have  parted  with  his  ^£5  but  for  value  received?" 

"  I — I  really  begin  to  think,  Mr.  Gammon — 'pon  my  soul, 
I  do  think  you're  right." 

"Think! — Why — for  a  man  of  your  acuteness — how  could 
he  imagine  you  could  forget  the  long  course  of  insult  and 
tyranny  which  you  have  endured  under  him;  that  he  should 
change  all  of  a  sudden — just  now,  when — 

"Ay,  by  Jove!  just  when  I'm  coming  into  my  property," 
interrupted  Titmouse  quickly. 

"  To  be  sure — to  be  sure !  Just  now,  I  say,  to  make  this 
sudden  change!  Bah!  bah!" 

"I  hate  Tag-rag,  always  did.  Now,  he's  trying  to  take 
me  in,  just  as  he  does  everybody;  but  I've  found  him  out 
I  won't  lay  out  a  penny  with  him!" 

"Would  you,  do  you  think,  ever  have  seen  the  inside  of 
Satin  Lodge,  if  you  hadn't — 

"Why,  I  don't  know;  I  really  think— hem!" 

"  Would  you,  my  dear  sir? — But  now  a  scheme  occurs  to 
me.  Shall  I  tell  you  a  way  of  proving  how  insincere  and 
interested  he  is  toward  you?  Go  to  dinner,  by  all  means, 
eat  his  good  things,  hear  all  that  the  whole  set  of  them 
have  to  say,  and  just  before  you  go,  pretend,  with  a  long 
face,  that  our  affair  is  all  a  bottle  of  smoke;  say  that  we 
have  told  you  the  day  before  that  we  have  made  a  horrid 
mistake,  and  you  were  the  wrong  man — 

"'Pon  my  life,  I — I — really,  daren't — I  couldn't  keep  it  up — 
he'd  half  kill  me.  Besides,  there  will  be  Miss  Tag-rag — it 
would  be  the  death  of  her,  I  know." 

"  Miss  Tag-rag !  Gracious  Heavens  !  What  on  earth  can 
you  have  to  do  with  her?  You — why,  if  you  really  succeed 
in  getting  this  fine  property,  she  might  make  a  very  suitable 
wife  for  one  of  your  grooms  !" 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  87 

"  Ah !  I  don't  know — she  may  be  a  devilish  fine  girl,  and 
the  old  fellow  will  have  a  tolerable  penny  to  leave  her — and 
a  bird  in  the  hand — eh?  Besides,  I  know  what  she's  all 
along  thought — hem  ! — but  that  doesn't  signify." 

"  Pho !  pho !  Ridiculous !  Fancy  Miss  Tag-rag  Mrs.  Tit- 
mouse !  Your  eldest  son — ah,  ha,  ha !  Tag-rag  Titmouse, 
Esq.  Delightful !  Your  honored  father  a  draper  in  Oxford 
Street ! "  Gammon  succeeded,  at  length,  in  obtaining  Tit- 
mouse's promise  to  adopt  his  suggestion,  and  thereby  dis- 
cover the  true  nature  of  the  feelings  entertained  towards 
him  at  Satin  Lodge.  He  shook  Titmouse  energetically  by 
the  hand,  and  left  him  perfectly  certain  that  if  there  was 
one  person  in  the  world  worthy  of  his  esteem,  and  even 
reverence,  that  person  was  OILY  GAMMON,  ESQ. 

On  reaching  the  office,  he  delivered  to  Mr.  Quirk  the  docu- 
ments to  which  he  had  obtained  Titmouse's  signature. 

"Now,  Gammon,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  "I  think  we  may 
be  up  and  at  'em." 

"  Perhaps  so,  Mr.  Quirk,"  replied  Gammon;  "but  we  must, 
for  no  earthly  consideration,  be  premature  in  our  operations  ! 
Let  me,  by  the  way,  tell  you  one  or  two  little  matters  that 
have  just  occurred  to  Titmouse!"  When  he  mentioned  the 
name  of  Miss  Tag-rag,  and  his  grave  suspicions  concerning 
her,  Quirk  bounced  up  out  of  his  chair,  almost  startling 
Gammon  out  of  his.  If  he  had  just  been  told  that  his  banker 
had  broke,  he  could  scarce  have  shown  more  emotion. 

The  fact  was,  that  he,  too,  had  a  DAUGHTER — an  only  child 
— whom  he  had  destined  to  become  Mrs.  Titmouse. 

"A  designing  old  villain!"  he  exclaimed  at  length,  and 
Gammon  agreed  with  him,  but,  strange  to  say,  with  all 
his  acuteness,  never  adverted  to  the  real  cause  of  Quirk's 
sudden  and  vehement  exclamation. 


CHAPTER  IX 

IN   WHICH   THE    HERO    MAKES    HIS  ENTRANCE   INTO-AND  HIS 

EXIT  FROM-THE  SOCIETY  OF  MISS  TABITHA 

TAG-RAG  AT  SATIN  LODGE 

MEANWHILE,  Mr.  Titmouse  was  not  neglected  on  Sunday. 
First  came  Mr.  Snap,  who,  having  quite  as  keen  and  clear 
an  eye  for  his  own  interest  as  his  senior  partners,  had  early 
seen  how  capable  was  acquaintance  with  Titmouse  of  being 
turned  to  his  (Snap's)  great  advantage.  He  had  come  to 
do  a  little  bit  of  toadying  on  his  own  account ;  when  he  was 
interrupted  by  a  double  knock,  and — oh,  mercy  on  us !  — 
enter  Mr.  Gammon  !  Whether  he  or  Snap  felt  more  discon- 
certed, I  cannot  say;  but  Snap  looked  the  most  confused 
and  sneaking.  Each  told  the  other  a  lie,  in  as  easy,  good- 
natured  a  way  as  he  could  assume,  concerning  the  object  of 
his  visit  to  Titmouse.  Thus  they  were  going  on,  when — 
another  knock — and,  "Is  this  Mr.  Titmouse's?"  inquired  a 
voice,  which  brought  a  little  color  into  the  face  of  both 
Gammon  and  Snap;  for  it  was  absolutely  old  Quirk,  who 
bustled  breathless  into  the  room,  on  his  first  visit,  and 
seemed  completely  confounded  by  the  sight  of  both  his  part- 
ners. Each  of  the  three  partners  felt  (in  his  own  way) 
exquisite  embarrassment.  Huckaback,  some  time  afterward, 
made  his  appearance,  but  him  Titmouse  unceremoniously  dis- 
missed in  a  twinkling,  in  spite  of  a  vehement  remonstrance. 

But  presently,  behold  another  arrival — Mr.  Tag-rag,  who 
had  come  to  announce  that  his  carriage  was  waiting  to 
convey  Mr.  Titmouse  to  Satin  Lodge,  and  take  him  a  long 
drive  in  the  country !  Each  of  these  four  worthies  could 
have  spit  in  the  other's  face  :  first,  for  detecting,  and,  secondly, 
for  rivaling  him  in  his  schemes  upon  Titmouse.  A  few  min- 
utes after  the  arrival  of  Tag-rag,  Gammon,  half-choked  with 
disgust,  and  despising  himself  even  more  than  his  fellow- 
visitors,  slunk  off,  followed  almost  immediately  by  Quirk, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A   YEAR  89 

who  was  dying  to  consult  him  on  this  new  aspect  of  affairs 
which  had  presented  itself.  Snap  very  shortly  followed  in 
the  footsteps  of  his  partners,  having  made  no  engagement 
whatever  with  Titmouse;  and  thus  the  enterprising  and 
determined  Tag-rag  was  left  master  of  the  field.  He  had 
in  fact  come  to  do  business,  and  business  he  determined 
to  do.  Tho  Tag-rag  out-stayed  all  his  fellow-visitors,  in 
the  manner  which  has  been  described,  he  could  not  prevail 
upon  Titmouse  to  accompany  him  in  his  "carriage,"  for 
Titmouse  pleaded  a  pressing  engagement,  but  pledged  him- 
self to  make  his  appearance  at  Satin  Lodge  at  the  appointed 
hour.  Away,  therefore,  drove  Tag-rag,  indignant  at  the 
cringing,  sycophantic  attentions  of  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon, 
and  Snap,  against  whom  he  resolved  to  put  Titmouse  on 
his  guard. 

My  friend  Tittlebat  made  his  appearance  at  the  gate  of 
Satin  Lodge,  at  about  a  quarter  to  four  o'clock. 

Miss  Tag-rag  had  been  before  her  glass  since  her  return 
from  chapel.  An  hour  and  a  half  had  she  bestowed  on  her 
hair,  disposing  it  in  little  corkscrew  and  somewhat  scanty 
curls,  that  quite  glistened  in  bear's  grease,  hanging  on  each 
side  of  a  pair  of  lean  and  sallow  cheeks.  The  color  which 
ought  to  have  distributed  itself  over  her  cheeks,  in  roseate 
delicacy,  thought  fit  to  collect  itself  into  the  tip  of  her 
sharp  little  nose.  Her  small  gray  eyes  beamed  with  the 
gentle  and  attractive  expression  that  was  perceptible  in  her 
father's,  and  her  projecting  under  lip  reminded  everybody  of 
that  delicate  feature  in  her  mother.  She  was  very  short, 
and  her  figure  rather  skinny  and  angular.  She  wore  her 
lilac-colored  frock;  her  waist  being  pinched  into  a  degree 
that  made  you  think  of  a  fit  of  the  colic  when  you  looked 
at  her.  A  long  red  sash,  tied  in  a  most  elaborate  bow,  gave 
a  very  brilliant  air  to  her  dress  generally.  She  had  a  thin 
gold  chain  round  her  neck,  and  wore  long  white  gloves;  her 
left  hand  holding  her  pocket-handkerchief,  which  she  had 
suffused  with  bergamot  that  scented  the  whole  room.  Mrs. 
Tag-rag  had  made  herself  very  splendid,  in  a  red  silk  gown 
and  staring  head-dress ;  in  fact,  she  seemed  on  fire.  As  for 
Mr.  Tag-rag,  whenever  he  was  dressed  in  his  Sunday  clothes, 
lie  looked  the  model  of  a  parson  in  his  black  coat,  waist- 
coat, and  trousers,  and  primly-tied  white  neckerchief,  with 


90  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

no  shirt-collar  visible.  At  length  Miss  Tag-rag's  little  heart 
fluttered  violently,  for  her  papa  told  her  that  Titmouse  was 
coming  up  the  road — and  so  he  was.  Not  dreaming  that 
he  could  be  seen,  he  stood  beside  the  gate  for  a  moment, 
and,  taking  a  dirty-looking  silk  handkerchief  out  of  his  hat, 
slapped  it  vigorously  about  his  boots,  and  replaced  it  in  his 
hat.  Then  he  unbuttoned  his  surtout,  adjusted  it  nicely, 
and  disposed  his  chain  and  eyeglass  just  so  as  to  let  the 
tip  only  of  the  latter  be  seen  peeping  out  of  his  waistcoat ; 
twitched  up  his  collars,  plucked  down  his  wrist-bands,  drew 
the  tip  of  a  white  pocket-handkerchief  out  of  the  pocket  in 
the  breast  of  his  surtout,  pulled  a  white  glove  half-way  on 
his  left  hand;  and, — Tittlebat  Titmouse,  Esq.,  the  great 
guest  of  the  day,  for  the  first  time  in  his  life  entered  the 
domain  of  Mr.  Tag-rag. 

As  Titmouse  approached  the  house,  he  saw  the  two  ladies 
standing  at  the  windows.  Off  went  his  hat,  and  out  drop- 
ped the  silk  handkerchief,  not  a  little  disconcerting  him  for 
the  moment.  Tag-rag,  however,  soon  occupied  his  attention 
at  the  door  with  anxious  civilities,  shaking  him  by  the  hand, 
hanging  up  his  hat  and  stick,  and  then  introducing  him  to 
the  sitting-room.  The  ladies  received  him  with  the  most 
profound  curtsies,  which  Titmouse  returned  with  a  quick 
embarrassed  bow,  and  an  indistinct — "I  hope  you're  well, 
mem?" 

The  only  person  tolerably  at  his  ease,  and  he  only  toler- 
ably, was  Mr.  Tag-rag;  and  he  asked  his  guest 

"Wash  your  hands,  Titmouse,  before  dinner?"  Titmouse 
said  he  had  washed  them  before  he  had  come  out.  In  a 
few  minutes,  however,  he  felt  a  little  more  z  ssured ;  for  it 
was  impossible  for  him  not  to  perceive  the  awful  deference 
with  which  he  was  treated. 

"  Seen  the  Stmday  flash,  mem  ?"  said  he  modestly,  address- 
ing Mrs.  Tag-rag. 

"I — I — that  is — not  to-day,"  she  replied,  coloring. 

"Vastly  amusing,  isn't  it?"  interposed  Tag-rag. 

"Ye — e — s,"  replied  Titmouse,  "an  uncommon  good  fight 
between " 

Tag-rag  saw  his  wife  getting  redder  and  redder.  "No 
news  stirring  about  Ministers,  is  there?"  said  he,  with  a 
desperate  attempt  at  a  diversion. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  91 

"  Not  that  I  have  heard,"  replied  Titmouse.  Soon  he  got 
a  little  further,  and  said  how  cheerful  the  stages  going  past 
must  make  the  house.  Tag-rag  agreed  with  him.  Then 
there  was  a  little  pause. 

"Been  to  church,  mem,  this  morning,  mem?"  timidly  in- 
quired Titmouse  of  Miss  Tag-rag. 

"Yes,  sir,"  she  replied,  faintly  coloring,  casting  her  eyes 
to  the  ground,  and  suddenly  putting  her  hand  into  that  of 
her  mother — with  such  an  innocent,  engaging  simplicity — like 
a  timid  fawn  lying  as  close  as  possible  to  its  dam ! 

"  We  always  go  to  chapel,  sir,"  said  Mrs.  Tag-rag  con- 
fidently, in  spite  of  a  very  fierce  look  from  her  husband; 
"  the  gospel  isn't  preached  in  the  Church  of  England.  We  sit 
under  Mr.  Horror — a  heavenly  preacher !  You've  heard  of 
Mr.  Horror?" 

"Yes,  mem!  Oh,  yes!  Capital  preacher!"  replied  Tit- 
mouse, who  had  never  in  his  life  heard  of  Mr.  Horror. 

"When  will  dinner  be  ready,  Mrs.  T. ?"  inquired  Tag-rag 
abruptly,  and  with  a  very  perceptible  dash  of  sternness  in 
his  tone;  but  dinner  was  announced  the  very  next  moment. 

Titmouse's  proffered  arm  the  timid  Miss  Tag-rag  scarcely 
touched  with  the  tip  of  her  finger,  as  she  walked  beside  him 
to  dinner.  Titmouse  soon  got  tolerably  composed  and  cheer- 
ful at  dinner,  and,  to  oblige  his  hospitable  host  and  hostess, 
ate  till  he  was  fit  to  burst.  Miss  Tag-rag,  tho  really  very 
hungry,  ate  only  a  very  small  slice  of  beef  and  a  quarter  of 
a  custard,  and  drank  a  third  of  a  glass  of  sherry  after  din- 
ner. She  never  once  spoke,  except  in  hurried  answers  to  her 
papa  and  mamma;  and,  sitting  exactly  opposite  Titmouse 
(with  only  a  plate  of  greens  and  a  boiled  fowl  between  them), 
was  continually  coloring  whenever  their  eyes  happened  to 
encounter  one  another,  on  which  occasion  hers  would  sud- 
denly drop,  as  if  overpowered  by  the  brilliance  of  his.  Tit- 
mouse began  to  love  her  very  fast.  After  the  ladies  had 
withdrawn,  you  should  have  heard  the  way  that  Tag-rag 
went  on  with  Titmouse. 

Titmouse,  however,  swallowed  with  equal  facility  Mr.  Tag- 
rag's  hard  port  and  his  soft  blarney.  When  at  length  Tag- 
rag  alluded  to  the  painfully  evident  embarrassment  of  his 
"poor  Tabby,"  and  said  he  had  "now  found  out  what  had 
been  so  long  the  matter  with  her,"  (ay,  even  this  went 


92  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

down,)  and  hemmed,  and  winked  his  eye,  and  drained  his 
glass,  Titmouse  began  to  get  flustered,  blushed,  and  hoped 
Mr.  Tag-rag  would  soon  "join  the  ladies." 

After  the  tea-things  had  been  removed,  Tag-rag,  directing 
Titmouse's  attention  to  the  piano,  asked  him  whether  he 
liked  music.  Titmouse,  with  great  eagerness,  hoped  Miss  T. 
would  give  them  some  music;  and  she,  after  a  long  and 
vigorous  siege,  at  length  asked  her  papa  what  it  should  be. 

"  The  Battle  of  Prague"  said  her  papa. 

"Before  Jehovah's  Awful  Throne"  hastily  interposed  her 
mamma. 

"The  Battle,"  sternly  repeated  her  papa. 

"It's  Sunday  night,  Mr.  T.,"  meekly  rejoined  his  wife. 

"  Which  will  you  have,  Mr.  Titmouse  ?"  inquired  Tag-rag, 
with  The  Battle  of  Prague  written  in  every  feature  of  his 
face.  Titmouse  almost  burst  into  a  state  of  perspiration. 

"  A  little  of  both,  sir,  if  you  please." 

"Well,"  replied  Tag-rag,  slightly  relaxing,  "that  will  do. 
Split  the  difference — eh?  Come,  Tab,  down  with  you.  Tit- 
mouse, will  you  turn  over  the  music  for  her?" 

Titmouse  rose,  and  having  sheepishly  taken  his  station 
beside  Miss  Tag-rag,  the  performance  commenced  with  Before 
Jehovah's  Awful  Throne!  But,  mercy  upon  us!  at  what  a 
rate  she  rattled  over  that  "pious  air."  The  heart  of  the 
lovely  performer  was  in  The  Battle  of  Prague,  to  which  she 
presently  did  most  ample  justice.  Titmouse  vowed  that  he 
had  never  heard  such  splendid  music — begged  for  more;  and 
away  went  Miss  Tag-rag,  hurried  along  by  her  excitement. 
Rondo  after  rondo,  march  after  march,  for  at  least  half 
an  hour;  at  the  end  of  which  old  Tag-rag  suddenly  kissed 
her  with  passionate  fondness.  Tho  Mrs.  Tag-rag  was  horri- 
fied at  the  impiety  of  all  this,  she  kept  a  very  anxious  eye 
on  the  young  couple,  and  interchanged  with  her  husband, 
every  now  and  then,  very  significant  looks.  Shortly  after 
nine,  spirits,  wine,  and  hot  and  cold  water  were  brought 
in.  As  Titmouse  advanced  with  his  gin  and  water,  his  spirits 
got  higher  and  higher,  and  his  tongue  more  fluent.  He 
once  or  twice  dropped  the  "Mr."  when  addressing  Tag-rag; 
several  times  smiled,  and  once  even  winked  at  the  em- 
barrassed Miss  Tag-rag.  Mr.  Tag-rag  saw  it  and  could  not 
control  himself. 


OR  TEN   THOUSAND  A  YEAR  93 

"  Tab !  ah,  Tab !  what  has  been  the  matter  with  you  all 
these  months?" — and  he  winked  his  eye  at  her  and  then  at 
Titmouse. 

"Papa!"  exclaimed  Miss  Tag-rag,  blushing  up  to  her  very 
temples. 

"  Ah,  Titmouse — Titmouse — give  me  your  hand,"  said  Tag- 
rag;  "you'll  forget  us  all  when  you're  a  great  man — but  we 
shall  always  remember  you." 

"You're  very  good — very!"  said  Titmouse,  cordially  re- 
turning the  pressure  of  Tag-rag's  hand. — At  that  instant  it 
suddenly  occurred  to  him  to  adopt  the  suggestion  of  Mr. 
Gammon.  Tag-rag  was  going  on  very  fast,  indeed,  about 
the  disinterested  nature  of  his  feelings  toward  Titmouse; 
toward  whom,  he  said,  he  had  always  felt  just  as  he  did 
at  that  moment — 'twas  in  vain  to  deny  it. 

"I  am  sure  your  conduct  shows  it,  sir,"  commenced  Tit- 
mouse. "  I  could  have  taken  my  oath,  sir,  you  would  have 
refused  to  let  me  come  into  your  house,  when  you  heard  of 
it " 

"Ah,  ha! — that's  rather  an  odd  idea,  too.  If  I  felt  a  true 
friendship  for  you  as  plain  Titmouse,  it's  so  likely  /should 
have  cut  you  just  when — ahem  !  My  dear  sir !  it  was  I  that 
thought  you  wouldn't  have  come  into  mv  house!  A  likely 
thing!" 

"Well — I'm  a  happy  man  again,"  resumed  Titmouse,  re- 
solved now  to  go  on  with  his  adventure.  "And  when  did 
they  tell  you  of  it,  sir?" 

"Oh,  a  few  days  ago — a  week  ago,"  replied  Tag-rag,  try- 
ing to  recollect. 

"  Why — why — sir — a'n't  you  mistaken  ?  It  only  happened 
this  morning,  after  you  left " 

"Eh?  eh?  ah,  ha!  What  do  you  mean,  Mr.  Titmouse?" 
interrupted  Mr.  Tag-rag,  with  a  faint  attempt  at  a  smile. 
Mrs.  Tag-rag  and  Miss  Tag-rag  also  turned  exceedingly 
startled  faces  toward  Titmouse,  who  felt  as  if  a  house  were 
going  to  fall  down  on  him. 

"  Why,  sir,"  he  began  to  cry,  (an  attempt  which  was  greatly 
aided  by  the  maudlin  condition  to  which  drink  had  reduced 
him,)  "till  to-day  I  thought  I  was  heir  to  ten  thousand  a 
year,  and  it  seems  I'm  not;  it's  all  a  mistake  of  those  cursed 
people  at  Saffron  Hill!" 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  95 

Tag-rag's  face  changed  visibly,  and  showed  the  desperate 
shock  he  had  just  sustained.  His  inward  agony  was  forcing 
out  on  his  slanting  forehead  great  drops  of  perspiration. 

"What  a  capital  joke,  Mr.  Titmouse,  ah,  ha!"  he  gasped, 
hastily  passing  his  handkerchief  over  his  forehead.  Titmouse, 
though  greatly  alarmed,  stood  to  his  gun  pretty  steadily. 

"  I — I  wish  it  was  a  joke !  It's  been  no  joke  to  me,  sir. 
There's  another  Tittlebat  Titmouse,  it  seems,  in  Shoreditch, 
that's  the  right " 

"Who  told  you  this,  sir?  Pho,  I  don't — I  can't  believe 
it,"  said  Tag-rag,  in  a  voice  tremulous  between  suppressed 
rage  and  fear. 

"  True,  tho,  'pon  my  life !     It  is,   so  help  me — 

"  How  dare  you  swear  before  ladies,  sir  ?  You're  insulting 
them,  sir!"  cried  Tag-rag,  trembling  with  rage.  "And  in 
my  presence,  sir  ?  You're  not  a  gentleman  ! "  He  suddenly 
dropped  his  voice,  and,  in  a  trembling  and  most  earnest 
manner,  asked  Titmouse  whether  he  was  really  joking  or 
serious. 

"Never  more  serious  in  my  life,  sir;  and  enough  to  make 
me  so,  sir!"  replied  Titmouse  in  a  lamentable  manner. 

"You  mean  to  tell  me  it's  all  a  mistake,  then,  and  you're 
no  more  than  you  always  were?" 

"Oh,  yes,  sir!  Yes!"  cried  Titmouse  mournfully;  "and 
if  you'll  only  be  so  kind  as  to  let  me  serve  you  as  I  used. 
You  know  it  was  no  fault  of  mine,  sir.  They  would  tell  me 
it  was  so !" 

"Oh,  ma,  I  do  feel  so  ill!"  faintly  exclaimed  Miss  Tag- 
rag,  turning  deadly  pale.  Titmouse  was  on  the  verge  of 
dropping  on  his  knees  and  confessing  the  trick,  greatly  agi- 
tated at  the  effect  produced  on  Miss  Tag-rag;  when  Tag- 
rag's  heavy  hand  was  suddenly  placed  on  his  shoulder,  and  he 
whispered  in  a  fierce  undertone,  "You're  an  impostor,  sir!" 
which  arrested  Titmouse,  and  made  something  like  a  MAN 
of  him.  He  was  a  fearful  fool,  but  he  did  not  want  for  mere 
pluck;  and  now  it  was  roused.  Mrs.  Tag-rag  exclaimed, 
"Oh,  you  shocking  scamp!"  as  she  passed  Titmouse,  and  led 
her  daughter  out  of  the  room. 

"Then  an  impostor,  sir,  a'n't  fit  company  for  you,  of 
course,  sir !"  said  Titmouse,  rising,  and  trembling  with  min- 
gled apprehension  and  anger. 


96  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Pay  me  my  five-pound  note!"  almost  shouted  Tag-rag, 
furiously  tightening  the  grasp  by  which  he  held  Titmouse's 
collar. 

"Well,  sir,  and  I  will,  if  you'll  only  take  your  hand  off! 
Hollo,  sir — What  the  de — leave  go,  sir !  Hands  off !  Are 
you  going  to  murder  me?  I'll  pay  you  and  done  with  you, 
sir,"  stammered  Titmouse,  when  a  faint  scream  was  heard, 
plainly  from  Miss  Tag-rag,  overhead,  and  in  hysterics.  Then 
the  seething  caldron  boiled  over. 

"You  infernal  scoundrel !"  said  Tag-rag,  almost  choked  with 
fury;  and  suddenly  seizing  Titmouse  by  the  collar,  scarce 
giving  him  time,  in  passing,  to  get  hold  of  his  hat  and  stick, 
he  urged  him  along  through  the  passage,  down  the  gravel 
walk,  threw  open  the  gate,  thrust  him  furiously  through  it, 
and  sent  after  him  such  a  blast  of  execration  as  was  enough 
to  drive  him  a  hundred  yards  down  the  road.  Titmouse 
did  not  fully  recover  his  breath  or  his  senses  for  a  long  while 
afterward.  When  he  did,  the  first  thing  he  felt  was  an  in- 
clination to  fall  down  on  his  knees  on  the  open  road,  and 
worship  the  sagacious  and  admirable  GAMMON,  who  had 
so  exactly  predicted  what  had  come  to  pass ! 


CHAPTER   X 

WHEREIN  MALIGN  FATE  PREPARES  A  FEARFUL  BLOW  FOR  THE 
NOBLE  AND  UNSUSPECTING  AUBREYS  OF  YATTON 

THE  Aubreys  are  a  younger  branch  of  the  ancient  and  noble 
family  of  the  Dreddlingtons.  Their  residence,  YATTON,  is  in 
the  north-eastern  part  of  the  country,  not  above  fifteen  or 
twenty  miles  from  the  sea.  The  hall  is  one  of  those  old  struc- 
tures, the  sight  of  which  throws  you  back  at  least  a  couple 
of  centuries  in  our  English  history.  It  stands  in  a  park, 
crowded  with  trees,  many  of  them  of  great  age  and  size. 
The  house  itself  is  a  large  irregular  pile  of  dull  red  brick- 
work, with  great  stacks  of  chimneys  in  the  rear;  the  body 
of  the  building  has  evidently  been  erected  at  different  times. 
Altogether  it  is  truly  a  fine  old  mansion. 

Mr.  Aubrey,  the  head  of  the  family,  is  in  his  thirty-fourth 
year.  He  has  a  reserve  that  is  not  cynical,  but  only  diffi- 
dent; yet  it  gives  him,  at  least  at  first  sight,  and  till  you 
have  become  familiar  with  his  features,  which  are  of  a  cast 
at  once  refined  and  aristocratic,  yet  full  of  goodness,  an  air 
of  hauteur,  which  is  very — very  far  from  his  real  nature. 
He  is  a  man  of  superior  intellect,  and  is  a  capital  scholar. 
He  has  made  several  really  valuable  contributions  to  his- 
toric literature.  He  has  entered  upon  politics  with  uncommon 
ardor,  for  he  is  a  man  of  very  clear  head,  ready  in  debate,  and, 
moreover,  has  a  very  impressive  delivery  as  a  public  speaker. 
He  is  generous  and  charitable,  and  careless,  even  to  a  fault, 
of  his  pecuniary  interests.  He  is  a  man  of  perfect  simplicity 
and  purity  of  character.  In  manner  Mr.  Aubrey  is  calm 
and  gentlemanlike;  in  person  he  is  rather  above  the  middle 
height  and  of  slight  make.  His  countenance  has  a  serene 
manliness  about  it  when  in  repose,  and  great  acuteness  and 
vivacity  when  animated.  His  hair,  not  very  full,  is  black 
as  jet,  and  his  forehead  ample  and  marked.  Mr.  Aubrey  has 
been  married  about  six  years;  and  Agnes,  his  wife,  has  borne 
him  but  two  children — a  boy  and  a  girl. 
7 


98  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Miss  Catherine  Aubrey  is  an  exquisite  specimen  of  budding 
womanhood.  I  feel  I  shall  get  extravagant  if  I  begin  to 
dwell  upon  her  charms,  but  I  shall  tell  you  that  her  per- 
sonal beauty  is  but  a  faint  emblem  of  the  beauties  of  her 
mind  and  character.  She  is  Aubrey's  only  sister;  arid  he 
cherishes  her  with  the  tenderest  and  fondest  regard.  She  is 
calculated  equally  for  the  seclusion  of  Yatton  and  the  splen- 
did atmosphere  of  Almack's ;  but  Kate  is  a  girl  of  decided 
character,  of  strong  sense,  of  high  principle;  all  of  which 
are  irradiated,  not  overborne,  by  her  sparkling  vivacity  of 
temperament.  She  has  real  talent;  and  her  mind  has  been 
trained,  and  her  tastes  directed  with  affectionate  skill  and  vigi- 
lance by  her  gifted  brother.  She  has  many  accomplishments; 
but  the  only  one  I  shall  choose  here  to  name  is — music. 

Altho  he  belongs  not  to  the  Aubrey  family  by  ties  of  blood, 
yet  in  affection  and  long  service  he  may  claim  relationship 
and  consequently  merits  description  here.  I  refer  to  the 
good,  the  excellent  Dr.  Tatham.  He  had  been  Vicar  of  Yat- 
ton for  nearly  thirty  years.  He  was  a  delightful  specimen 
of  a  country  parson.  Cheerful,  unaffected,  and  good-natured, 
there  was  a  dash  of  quaintness  or  roughness  about  his  man- 
ners, that  reminded  you  of  the  crust  in  very  fine  old  port. 
He  had  been  a  widower,  and  childless,  for  fifteen  years.  His 
parish  had  been  ever  since  his  family,  whom  he  still  watched 
over  with  an  affectionate  vigilance.  He  was  respected  and 
beloved  by  all.  Almost  every  man,  woman,  and  child  that 
had  died  in  Yatton,  during  nearly  thirty  years,  had  departed 
with  the  sound  of  his  kind  and  solemn  voice  in  his  ears. 
He  claimed  a  sort  of  personal  acquaintance  with  almost  all 
the  gravestones  in  his  little  churchyard;  and  when  he  looked 
at  them,  his  conscience  bore  him  witness  that  he  had  done 
his  duty  by  the  dust  that  slept  underneath.  Methinks  I 
see  him  now,  bustling  about  the  village,  with  healthy,  ruddy 
cheek,  a  clear,  cheerful  eye,  hair  white  as  snow;  a  small 
stout  figure,  clothed  in  a  suit  of  somewhat  rusty  black, 
(knee-breeches  and  gaiters  all  round  the  year,)  and  with 
a  small  shovel-hat.  Dr.  Tatham  has  known  Mr.  Aubrey 
ever  since  he  was  about  five  years  old.  'Twas  the  doctor 
that  first  taught  him  Greek  and  Latin ;  and,  up  to  his  going 
to  college,  gave  him  the  frequent  advantage  of  his  learned 
experience. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  99 

A  few  days  after  the  opening  of  the  New  Year,  about  eight 
o'clock  in  the  evening,  Mr.  Aubrey  and  Kate  were  sitting  to- 
gether playing  at  chess,  Dr.  Tatham  and  Mrs.  Aubrey  look- 
ing on  with  much  interest,  when  a  servant  made  his  appear- 
ance, and  told  Mr.  Aubrey,  that  Mr.  Parkinson  of  Grilston, 
Mr.  Aubrey's  solicitor,  and  another  gentleman  had  called, 
and  were  waiting  in  the  library  to  speak  to  him  on  business. 

"  I  wonder  what  can  possibly  have  brought  them  herV 
he  said.  "  Oh,  I  see,  'tis  probably  about  Miss  Evelyn's  mar- 
riage-settlement— I'm  to  be  one  of  her  trustees."  With  this 
he  left  the  room,  and  presently  entered  the  library,  where 
were  two  gentlemen,  one  of  whom  was  in  the  act  of  pulling 
off  his  great  coat.  This  was  a  stranger,  a  tall,  thin,  elderly 
man,  with  short  gray  hair — his  countenance  bespeaking  the 
calm,  acute,  clear-headed  man  of  business.  He  was  intro- 
duced by  the  other  gentleman,  Mr.  Parkinson,  a  plain,  sub- 
stantial-looking, hard-headed  country  attorney. 

"  Mr.  Runnington,  my  London  agent,  sir." 

Mr.  Aubrey  bowed. 

"  Pray,  gentlemen,  be  seated.  Mr.  Parkinson,  you  look 
very  serious — both  of  you.  What  is  the  matter?" 

"  Mr.  Runnington,  sir,  has  arrived,  most  unexpectedly  to 
me,"  replied  Mr.  Parkinson,  "  only  an  hour  or  two  ago, 
from  London,  on  business  of  the  last  importance  to  you." 

"  To  me! — Well,  what  is  it?  Pray,  say  at  once  what  it  is — 
I  am  all  attention,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey  anxiously. 

"  Do  you  happen,"  commenced  Mr.  Parkinson  very  ner- 
vously, "to  remember  sending  Waters  to  me  on  Monday  or 
Tuesday  last,  with  a  paper,  a  declaration  of  ejectment,  which 
had  been  served  by  some  one  on  old  Jolter,  one  of  your 
tenants?" 

"  Certainly,"  replied  Mr.  Aubrey,  after  a  moment's  con- 
sideration. 

"Mr.  Runnington's  errand  is  connected  with  that  docu- 
ment," said  Mr.  Parkinson,  and  paused. 

"Indeed!"  exclaimed  Mr.  Aubrey,  apparently  a  little  re- 
lieved. "You  will  oblige  me  by  being  explicit." 

"This  paper,"  said  Mr.  Runnington,  "is  served  virtually 
on  you,  and  you  are  the  real  defendant." 

"Sol  apprehend." 

"Do  you  recollect,  Mr.  Aubrey,"  said  Mr.  Parkinson,  with 


ioo  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

a  trepidation  which  he  could  not  conceal,  "several  years 
ago,  some  serious  conversation  which  you  and  I  had  to- 
gether on.the  state  of  your  title — when  I  was  preparing  your 
marriage-settlements  ?" 

Mr.  Aubrey  started,  and  his  face  was  suddenly  blanched. 

"  The  matters  we  then  discussed  have  suddenly  acquired 
fearful  importance.  This  paper  occasions  us  the  profoundest 
anxiety."  Mr.  Aubrey  continued  silent,  gazing  on  Mr.  Park- 
inson with  intensity.  "  Supposing,  from  a  hasty  glance  at 
it,  and  from  the  message  accompanying  it,  that  it  was  merely 
another  action  about  the  slip  of  waste  land  attached  to 
Jolter's  cottage,  I  sent  it  up  to  London  to  my  agents, 
Messrs.  Runnington,  requesting  them  to  call  on  the  plain- 
tiff's attorney,  and  settle  the  action.  He  did  so;  and — per- 
haps, you  will  explain  the  rest,"  said  Mr.  Parkinson  to  Mr. 
Runnington. 

"  Certainly,"  said  that  gentleman  with  a  serious  air,  but 
much  more  calmly  and  firmly  than  Mr.  Parkinson ;  "  I  called 
accordingly,  early  yesterday  morning,  on  Messrs.  Quirk, 
Gammon,  and  Snap,  a  very  well — but  not  enviably — known 
firm  in  the  profession;  and  in  a  very  few  minutes  my  con- 
ception of  the  nature  of  the  business  I  had  called  to  settle 

was  set  right.  In  short "  he  paused,  as  if  distressed  at 

the  intelligence  he  was  about  to  communicate. 

"  Oh,  pray,  pray  go  on,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey  in  a  low 
tone. 

"I  am  no  stranger,  sir,  to  your  firmness  of  character;  but 
I  shall  have  to  tax  it,  I  fear,  to  its  uttermost.  To  come  at 
once  to  the  point — they  told  me  that  I  might  undoubtedly 
settle  the  matter,  if  you  would  consent  to  give  up  immediate 
possession  of  the  whole  Yatton  estate,  and  account  for  the 
mesne  profits  to  their  client,  the  right  heir — as  they  contend 
— a  Mr.  Tittlebat  Titmouse."  Mr.  Aubrey  leaned  back  in 
his  chair,  overcome,  for  an  instant,  by  this  astounding  intel- 
ligence ;  and  all  three  of  them  preserved  silence  of  more  than 
a  minute. 

"I  felt  it  my  duty  to  lose  not  an  instant  in  coming  down 
to  Yatton,"  resumed  Mr.  Runnington,  observing  Mr.  Aubrey's 
eye  again  directed  inquiringly  toward  him ;  "  for  Messrs. 
Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  are  very  dangerous  people  to  deal 
with,  and  must  be  encountered  promptly,  and  with  the  great- 


'i  —  You  consent  to  give 
up  the  whole  Vat  tori  as- 
tsvte  *  *  to  ,  the  right 
heir*-  BkS  they  contend- 
A  Mr.  Tittlebat  Titmouse" 


102  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

cst  possible  caution.  Under  these  circumstances,  I  lost  no 
time  in  giving  a  special  retainer  to  the  Attorney-General, 
and  in  retaining  as  junior  a  gentleman  whom  I  consider  to 
be  the  ablest  and  most  experienced  lawyer  on  the  circuit." 

"Did  they  say  anything  concerning  the  nature  of  their 
client's  title?"  inquired  Mr.  Aubrey. 

"  Very  little — I  might  say,  nothing.  If  they  had  been  never 
so  precise,  of  course  I  should  have  distrusted  every  word 
they  said.  They  certainly  mentioned  that  they  had  had  the 
first  conveyancing  opinions  in  the  kingdom,  which  concurred 
in  favor  of  their  client;  that  they  had  been  for  months  pre- 
pared at  all  points,  and  accident  only  had  delayed  their 
commencing  proceedings  till  now." 

"  Did  you  make  any  inquiries  as  to  who  the  claimant  was?" 
inquired  Mr.  Aubrey. 

"Yes;  but  all  I  could  learn  was,  that  they  had  discovered 
him  by  mere  accident;  and  that  he  was  at  present  in  very 
obscure  and  distressed  circumstances." 

"  What  is  the  meaning  of  their  affecting  to  seek  the  recov- 
ery of  only  one  insignificant  portion  of  the  property?"  he 
inquired. 

"It  is  their  own  choice.  The  title,  however,  by  which  they 
may  succeed  in  recovering  what  they  at  present  go  for,  will 
avail  to  recover  every  acre  of  the  estate,  and  the  present 
action  will  consequently  decide  everything!" 

"And  suppose  the  worst — that  they  are  successful,"  said 
Mr.  Aubrey,  "  what  is  to  be  said  about  the  rental  which  I 
have  been  receiving  all  this  time — ten  thousand  a  year?" 

"  Oh  !  that's  quite  an  after-consideration — let  us  fight  the 
battle." 

"  I  beg,  Mr.  Runnington,  that  you  will  withhold  nothing 
from  me,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey.  "  To  what  extent  shall  I  be 
liable?" 

Mr.  Runnington  paused. 

"  I  am  afraid  that  all  the  mesne  profits,  as  they  are  called, 
which  you  have  received "  commenced  Mr.  Parkinson. 

"  No,  no,"  interrupted  Mr.  Runnington ;  "  I  have  been  turn- 
ing that  matter  over  in  my  mind,  and  I  think  that  the 
statute  of  limitations  will  bar  all  but  the  last  six  years " 

"Why,  that  will  be  sixty  thousand  pounds!"  interrupted 
Mr.  Aubrey,  with  a  look  of  sudden  despair.  "  Gracious 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  103 

Heavens,  that  is  perfectly  frightful! — frightful!  If  I  lose 
Yatton,  I  shall  not  have  a  place  to  put  my  head  in — not 
one  farthing  to  support  myself  with  !  And  yet  to  have  to 
make  up  sixty  thousand  pounds!"  An  involuntary  shudder 
ran  through  Mr.  Aubrey.  "Sixty  thousand  pounds!"  he 
exclaimed,  rising  and  walking  to  and  fro.  "  Why,  I  am  ruined 
beyond  all  redemption!  How  can  I  ever  satisfy  it?" 

"  We  must  remember,"  said  Mr.  Runnington,  "  that  ''pos- 
session is  nine-tenths  of  the  law* ;  which  means,  that  your 
mere  possession  will  entitle  you  to  retain  it  against  all  the 
world,  till  a  stronger  title  than  yours  to  the  right  of  posses- 
sion be  made  out.  You  stand  on  a  mountain;  and  it  is  for 
your  adversary  to  displace  you,  not  by  showing  merely  that 
you  have  no  real  title,  but  that  he  has.  If  he  could  prove 
all  your  title-deeds  to  be  merely  waste  paper — that  in  fact 
you  have  no  more  title  than  I  have — he  would  not  by  stop- 
ping there  advance  his  own  case  an  inch;  he  must  first 
establish  in  himself  a  clear  and  independent  title." 

"I  suppose  the  affair  will  soon  become  public,"  said  Mr. 
Aubrey,  with  an  air  of  profound  depression,  after  much  fur- 
ther conversation. 

"  Your  position  in  the  country,  your  eminence  in  public 
life,  the  singularity  of  the  case,  and  the  magnitude  of  the 
stake — all  are  circumstances  undoubtedly  calculated  soon 
to  urge  the  affair  before  the  notice  of  the  public,"  said  Mr. 
Runnington. 

"What  disastrous  intelligence  to  break  to  my  family!" 
exclaimed  Mr.  Aubrey  tremulously.  "  With  what  fearful  sud- 
denness it  has  burst  upon  us !  But  something,  I  suppose," 
he  presently  added  with  forced  calmness,  "  must  be  clone 
immediately?" 

"  Undoubtedly,"  replied  Mr.  Runnington.  "  Mr.  Parkinson 
and  I  will  immediately  proceed  to  examine  your  title-deeds, 
the  greater  portion  of  which  are,  I  understand,  here  in  the 
Hall,  and  the  rest  at  Mr.  Parkinson's;  and  we  will  prepare, 
without  delay,  a  case  for  the  opinion  of  the  Attorney-General, 
and  also  of  the  most  eminent  conveyancers  of  the  kingdom. 
Who,  by  the  way,"  said  Mr.  Runnington,  addressing  Mr. 
Parkinson — "  who  was  the  conveyancer  that  had  the  abstracts 
before  him  on  preparing  Mr.  Aubrey's  marriage-settlement?" 

"  Oh,  you  are  alluding  to    the  '  Opinion''   I    mentioned    to 


104  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

you  this  evening?"  inquired  Mr.  Parkinson.  "I  have  it  at 
my  house,  and  will  show  it  you  in  the  morning." 

"  Oh,  what  infatuation  has  been  mine !  But  you  will  take 
a  little  refreshment,  gentlemen,  after  your  journey?"  said 
Mr.  Aubrey  suddenly,  glad  of  the  opportunity  it  would  afford 
him  of  reviving  his  own  exhausted  spirits  by  a  cup  of  wine, 
before  returning  to  the  drawing-room.  He  swallowed  several 
glasses  of  wine  without  any  immediately  perceptible  effect; 
and  the  bearers  of  the  direful  intelligence  just  communicated 
to  the  reader,  after  a  promise  by  Mr.  Aubrey  to  drive  over 
to  Grilston  early  in  the  morning  and  bring  with  him  such 
of  his  title-deeds  as  were  then  at  the  Hall,  took  their  de- 
parture. He  made  a  powerful  effort  to  control  his  feelings, 
so  as  to  conceal,  for  a  while  at  least,  the  dreadful  occur- 
rence of  the  evening.  His  face,  however,  on  re-entering  the 
drawing-room,  somewhat  alarmed  Mrs.  Aubrey;  whom  he 
at  once  quieted,  by  saying  that  he  certainly  had  been  an- 
noyed— "  excessively  annoyed" — at  a  communication  just  made 
to  him;  "and  which  might,  in  fact,  prevent  his  sitting  again 
for  Yatton."  "Oh,  that's  the  cause  of  your  long  stay? 
There,  Doctor,  am  I  not  right?"  said  Mrs.  Aubrey,  appeal- 
ing to  Dr.  Tatham.  "  Did  I  not  tell  you  that  this  was  some- 
thing connected  with  politics?  Charles,  I  do  hate  politics — 
give  me  a  quiet  home!"  A  pang  shot  through  Mr.  Aubrey's 
heart;  but  he  felt  that  he  had,  for  the  present,  succeeded  in 
his  object. 

At  an  early  hour  in  the  morning  his  carriage  drew  up  at 
Mr.  Parkinson's  door;  and  he  brought  with  him,  as  he  had 
promised,  a  great  number  of  title-deeds  and  family  docu- 
ments. On  these,  as  well  as  on  many  others  which  were  in 
Mr.  Parkinson's  custody,  that  gentleman  and  Mr.  Running- 
ton  were  anxiously  engaged  during  almost  every  minute  of 
that  day  and  the  ensuing  one;  at  the  close  of  which,  they 
had  between  them  drawn  up  the  rough  draft  of  a  case,  with 
which  Mr.  Runnington  set  off  for  town  by  the  mail;  under- 
taking to  lay  it  immediately  before  the  Attorney-General,  and 
also  before  one  or  two  of  the  greatest  conveyancers  of  the  day, 
commendingitto  their  best  and  earliest  attention.  He  pledged 
himself  to  transmit  their  opinions,  by  the  very  first  mail,  to 
Mr.  Parkinson;  and  both  those  gentlemen  immediately  set 
about  active  preparations  for  defending  the  ejectment. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A   YEAR  105 

About  a  week  afterward,  namely,  on  the  1 2th  of  January, 
Mr.  Aubrey  received  the  following  letter  from  Mr.  Parkinson, 
with  three  other  enclosures : 

"  MY  DEAR  SIR  : 

"  I  have  only  just  received,  and  at  once  forward  to  you, 
copies  of  the  three  opinions  given  by  the  Attorney-General, 
Mr.  Mansfield  and  Mr.  Crystal,  the  conveyancer  and  junior 
counsel  secured  by  Mr.  Runnington.  I  lament  to  find  that 
they  are  all  of  a  discouraging  character.  They  are  quite  in- 
dependent of  each  other,  having  been  laid  before  their  respec- 
tive writers  at  the  same  moment;  yet  you  will  observe  that 
all  three  of  them  have  hit  upon  precisely  the  same  point, 
viz.,  that  the  descendants  of  Geoffry  Dreddlington  had  no 
right  to  succeed  to  the  inheritance  till  there  was  a  failure  of 
the  heirs  of  Stephen  Dreddlington.  If,  therefore,  our  opponents 
have  contrived  to  ferret  out  any  one  who  satisfies  that  desig- 
nation, I  really  fear  we  must  prepare  for  a  very  serious  strug- 
gle. I  have  been  quietly  pushing  my  inquiries  in  all  directions, 
with  a  view  to  obtaining  a  clew  to  the  case  intended  to  be 
set  up  against  us,  and  which  you  will  find  very  shrewdly 
guessed  at  by  the  Attorney-General.  Nor  am  I  the  only 
party,  I  find,  in  the  field,  who  has  been  making  pointed  in- 
quiries in  your  neighborhood;  but  of  this  more  when  we 
meet  to-morrow." 

Having  read  this  letter,  Mr.  Aubrey  sank  back  in  his  chair 
and  remained  motionless  for  more  than  a  quarter  of  an  hour. 
At  length  he  roused  himself  and  read  over  the  opinions;  the 
effect  of  which — as  far  as  he  could  comprehend  their  techni- 
calities— he  found  had  been  but  too  correctly  given  by  Mr. 
Parkinson.  Wave  after  wave  of  apprehension  and  agony 
passed  over  him,  chilling  and  benumbing  his  heart  within 
him.  At  length,  with  a  groan  that  came  from  the  depths  of 
his  heart,  he  sank  back  upon  the  sofa,  and,  clasping  his 
hands,  looked  indeed  forlorn.  Presently  the  door  was  pushed 
hastily  but  gently  open;  and,  first  looking  in  to  see  that  it 
was  really  he  of  whom  she  was  in  search,  in  rushed  Mrs.  Au- 
brey, pale  and  agitated,  having  been  alarmed  by  his  long- 
continued  absence  from  the  drawing-room,  and  the  look  of 
the  servant  from  whom  she  had  learned  that  his  master  had 
been  for  some  time  gone  up-stairs. 


106  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Charles!  my  love!  my  sweet  love!"  she  exclaimed,  rush- 
ing up  to  him,  sitting  down  beside  him,  and  casting  her  arms 
round  his  neck.  "For  mercy's  sake — as  you  love  me! — tell 
me,  dearest  Charles,  what  has  happened!" 

"Nothing — love — nothing,"  he  replied. 

"Oh!  am  not  I  your  wife,  dearest?  Charles,,  I  shall  really 
go  distracted  if  you  do  not  tell  me  what  has  happened.  I 

know  that  something — something  dreadful "  He  put  his 

arm  round  her  waist,  and  drew  her  tenderly  toward  him. 

"You  soon  must  know  all,  my  sweet  love;  and  I  take 
Heaven  to  witness,  that  it  is  principally  on  your  account, 

and  that  of  my  children,  that  I in  fact,  I  did  not  wish 

any  of  you  to  have  known  it  till — 

"You — are  never  going — to  fight  a  duel?"  she  gasped,  turn- 
ing as  white  as  death. 

"  Oh  !  no,  no,  Agnes  !  I  solemnly  assure  you  !  If  I  could 
have  brought  myself  to  engage  in  such  an  unhallowed  affair, 
would  this  scene  ever  first  have  occurred?  No,  no,  my  own 
love !  I  will  conceal  nothing,  Agnes — they  are  bringing  an 
action  against  me,  which,  if  successful,  may  cause  us  all  to 
quit  Yatton — and  it  may  be,  forever." 

"O  Charles!"  she  murmured,  her  eyes  riveted  upon  his, 
while  she  unconsciously  moved  still  nearer  to  him.  "Why  is 
this  ?  Is  all  lost  ?  Do — my  own  Charles — let  me  know  really 
the  worst !" 

"  We  are  young,  Agnes,  and  have  the  world  before  us.  Health 
and  honor  are  better  than  riches,"  said  he.  "  Even  should 
it  be  the  will  of  Heaven  that  this  affair  should  go  against 
us — so  long  as  they  cannot  separate  us  from  each  other,  they 
cannot  really  hurt  us."  She  suddenly  kissed  him  with  frantic 
energy,  and  a  hysteric  smile  gleamed  over  her  pallid,  excited 
features. 

"Calm  yourself,  Agnes! — calm  yourself,  for  my  sake! — as 
you  love  me!"  His  voice  quivered.  "Oh,  how  very  weak 
and  foolish  I  have  been  to  yield  to : 

"Are  you  going  to  tell  Kate?"  interrupted  Mrs.  Aubrey 
sorrowfully.  "  Surely,  love,  you  have  suffered  enough  through 
my  weakness.  Wait  till  to-morrow." 

"No,  Agnes — it  was  my  own  weakness  which  caused  me  to 
be  surprised  into  this  premature  disclosure  to  you.  And  now 
I  must  meet  her  again  to-night,  and  I  cannot  control  either 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  107 

my  features  or  my  feelings.  Yes,  poor  Kate,  she  must  know 
all  to-night !  I  shall  not  be  long  absent,  Agnes." 

With  slow  step  and  heavy  heart  he  descended  to  the  library ; 
rang  the  bell,  and  desired  Miss  Aubrey's  maid  to  request  her 
mistress  to  come  down  to  him  there,  as  soon  as  she  was  at 
leisure.  When  she  entered,  her  eyes  sparkled  with  vivacity, 
and  a  smile  was  on  her  beauteous  cheek.  Her  dress  was 
slightly  disordered,  and  her  hair  half  uncurled — the  result  of 
her  sport  with  the  little  ones  whom  she  had  been  seeing  to 
bed. 

"What  merry  little  things,  to  be  sure!"  she  commenced 
laughingly — "  I  could  not  get  them  to  lie  still  a  moment — 
popping  their  little  heads  in  and  out  of  the  clothes.  Why, 
Charles,  how  very — very  grave  you  look  to-night!" 

"I  want  to  speak  to  you,  dear  Kate,"  he  commenced 
affectionately,  "on  a  serious  matter.  And  relying  on  your 
strength  of  mind,  I  have  resolved  to  put  you  at  once  in 
possession  of  what  I  myself  know." 

"Do  not  keep  me  in  suspense,  Charles — I  can  bear  any- 
thing but  that!  Let  me  at  once  know  all.  See  if  I  do  not 
hear  it  as  becomes  your  sister,"  she  said  with  forced  calm- 
ness. 

"  I  will  tell  you  the  worst,  Kate — a  strange  claim  is  set  up 
— by  one  I  never  heard  of — to  the  whole  of  the  property  we 
now  enjoy !" 

"Do  you  mean  to  say  that  Yatton  is  not  oursf"  inquired 
Miss  Aubrey,  catching  her  breath. 

"So,  alas!    my  dearest  Kate,  it  is  said!" 

"Must  we,  then,  all  leave  Yatton?"  said  she,  faintly,  after 
a  while. 

"If  this  claim  succeeds — but  we  shall  leave  it  together, 
Kate." 

She  threw  her  arms  round  his  neck,  and  wept  bitterly. 

"It  seems,  Kate,"  said  he,  with  all  the  calmness  he  could 
assume — "at  least  they  are  trying  to  prove — that  our  branch 
of  the  family  has  succeeded  to  the  property  prematurely — 
that  there  is  living  an  heir  of  the  elder  branch — that  his  case 
has  been  taken  up  by  powerful  friends;  and — let  me  tell  you 
the  worst  at  once — even  the  lawyers  consulted  by  Mr.  Park- 
inson on  my  behalf  take  a  most  alarming  view  of  the 
possibilities  of  the  case  that  may  be  brought  against  us. 


Do^you  me^n  to  J&y 
thlrt,  Yfct.ton  is  no 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  109 

Remember,  my  only  sister — my  dearest  Kate !  you  must  sup- 
port me  in  my  trouble,  as  I  will  support  you — we  will  support 
one  another " 

"We  will— we  will!"  interrupted  Miss  Aubrey. 

After  a  minute  or  two  she  turned  toward  him  with  tears 
in  her  eyes,  but  tranquillized  features.  The  struggle  had 
been  dreadful,  though  brief— her  noble  spirit  recovered  itself. 
The  distressed  brother  and  sister  sat  conversing  for  a  long 
time,  frequently  in  tears,  but  with  infinitely  greater  calm- 
ness and  firmness  than  could  have  been  expected. 


CHAPTER  XI 

HOW   THE  HERO  WAS  INTRODUCED  TO  THE  FASCINATING   MISS 
DORA  QUIRK,   AND  WHAT  HAPPENED  AT  ALIBI   HOUSE 

WOULD  you  have  believed  it?  Notwithstanding  all  that 
had  happened  between  Titmouse  and  Tag-rag,  they  positively 
got  reconciled  to  one  another — a  triumphant  result  of  the 
astute  policy  of  Mr.  Gammon. 

Gammon  saw  that  Tag-rag,  under  proper  management, 
might  be  made  very  useful.  He  was  a  moneyed  man;  a 
selfish  man ;  and,  after  his  sort,  an  ambitious  man.  He  had 
an  only  child,  a  daughter,  and  if  Titmouse  and  he  could 
only  by  any  means  be  brought  once  more  together,  and  a 
firm  friendship  cemented  between  them,  Gammon  saw  several 
very  profitable  uses  to  which  such  an  intimacy  might  be 
turned,  in  the  happening  of  any  of  several  contingencies 
which  he  contemplated  as  possible.  In  the  event,  for  instance, 
of  larger  outlays  of  money  being  required  than  suited  the 
convenience  of  the  firm — could  not  Tag-rag  be  easily  brought 
to  accommodate  his  future  son-in-law  of  ^"10,000  a  year? 
Suppose,  for  instance,  that  after  all  their  case  should  break 
down,  and  all  their  pains,  exertions,  and  expenditure  be 
utterly  thrown  away?  Now,  if  Tag-rag  could  be  quietly 
brought  some  fine  day  to  the  point  of  either  making  some 
actual  advance,  or  entering  into  security  for  Titmouse — ah  ! 
that  would  do,  said  both  Quirk  and  Gammon.  But  then 
Titmouse  was  a  very  unsafe  instrument — an  incalculable  fool, 
and  might  commit  himself  too  far ! 

"You  forget,  Gammon,"  said  old  Mr.  Quirk.  "I  don't 
fear  this  girl  of  Tag-rag's — because  only  let  Titmouse  see — 
hem,"  he  suddenly  paused,  and  looked  a  little  confused. 

"  To  be  sure — I  see,"  replied  Gammon,  suddenly  realizing 
the  cause  of  Mr.  Quirk's  interest  in  Titmouse's  matrimonial 
projects,  altho  he  spoke  quietly,  and  the  thing  passed  off. 
"If  either  Miss  Quirk  or  Miss  Tag-rag  becomes  Mrs.  Tit- 
mouse," thought  he,  "  I  am  not  the  man  I  take  myself  for." 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  in 

A  few  days  after  Titmouse's  expulsion  from  Satin  Lodge, 
without  his  having  ever  gone  near  Tag-rag's  premises  in  Ox- 
ford Street,  or,  in  short,  seen  or  heard  anything  about  him, 
or  any  one  connected  with  him,  he  removed  to  small  but  very 
respectable  lodgings  in  the  neighborhood  of  Hatton  Garden, 
provided  for  him  by  Mr.  Quirk.  Mrs.  Squallop  was  quite 
affected  while  she  took  leave  of  Titmouse. 

"I've  always  felt  like  a  mother  toward  you,  sir,  in  my 
humble  way,"  said  Mrs.  Squallop  in  a  very  respectful  man- 
ner, and  curtsying  profoundly. 

"  A — I've  not  got  any  small  silver  by  me,  my  good  woman," 
said  Titmouse  with  a  fine  air,  as  he  drew  on  his  white  kid 
glove. 

"Lord,  Mr.  Titmouse!"  said  the  woman,  almost  bursting 
into  tears,  "I  wasn't  asking  for  money,  neither  for  me  nor 
mine — only  one  can't  help,  as  it  were,  feeling  at  parting  with 
an  old  lodger,  you  know,  sir 

"  Ah — ya-as — and  all  that !  Well,  my  good  woman,  good- 
day,  good-day." 

" Good-by,  sir — God  bless  you;  now  you're  going  to  be  a 
rich  man! — Excuse  me,  sir." — And  she  seized  his  hand  and 
shook  it. 

"You're  a — devilish — impudent — woman — 'pon  my  soul!" 
exclaimed  Titmouse,  his  features  filled  with  amazement  at 
the  presumption  of  which  she  had  been  guilty ;  and  he  strode 
down  the  stairs  with  an  air  of  offended  dignity. 

"Well — I  never! — That  for  you,  you  little  brute,"  said  Mrs. 
Squallop,  snapping  her  fingers  as  soon  as  she  had  heard  his 
last  step  on  the  stairs. 

Mr.  Gammon,  having,  after  a  very  skillful  effort,  succeeded 
in  reconciling  Titmouse  to  a  renewal  of  his  acquaintance  with 
Tag-rag,  upon  that  gentleman's  making  a  complete  and  ab- 
ject apology  for  his  late  monstrous  conduct,  wended  his  way 
toward  Oxford  Street,  and  introduced  himself  once  more  to 
Mr.  Tag-rag.  On  catching  the  first  glimpse  of  Mr.  Gammon, 
he  started  from  his  musing  posture,  not  a  little  disconcerted. 
Tag-rag  had  a  mortal  dread  of  Gammon,  who  seemed  to  him 
to  glide  like  a  dangerous  snake  into  the  shop,  so  quietly, 
and  so  deadly!  There  was  something  so  calm  and  imper- 
turbable in  his  demeanor,  so  blandly  crafty,  so  ominously 
gentle  and  soft  in  the  tone  of  his  voice,  so  penetrating  in  his 


112 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


eye,   and  he  could  throw   such    an    infernal    smile    over    his 
features ! 

Gammon  commenced,  in  a  mild  tone,  with  a  very  startling 
representation  of  the  criminal  liability  which  Tag-rag  had 
incurred  by  his  wanton  outrage  upon  Mr.  Titmouse,  his  own 


Ive  %[way.s  felt  like 
mother  towards  ^ycu  ,  i« 
in  rny  humble  wa  " 


guest,  in  violation  of  all  the  laws  of  hospitality.  Tag-rag 
furiously  alleged  the  imposition  which  had  been  practised 
on  him  by  Titmouse;  but  he  quite  collapsed  when  Gam- 
mon assured  him  that  the  circumstance  would  not  afford 
him  the  slightest  justification.  Having  satisfied  Tag-rag  that 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  113 

he  was  entirely  at  the  mercy  of  Titmouse,  who  might  subject 
him  to  both  fine  and  imprisonment,  Mr.  Gammon  proceeded 
to  open  his  eyes  to  their  widest  stare  of  amazement  by  assur- 
ing him  that  Titmouse  had  been  hoaxing  him,  and  that 
really  every  week  brought  him  nearer  to  the  enjoyment  of 
an  estate  in  Yorkshire,  worth  ^10,000  a  year  at  the  very 
lowest ;  that  it  was  becoming  an  object  of  increasing  anxiety 
to  them  to  keep  him  out  of  the  hands  of  money-lenders,  who 
had  already  scented  out  their  victim,  and  so  forth. — Tag-rag 
turned  very  white,  and  felt  sick  at  heart  in  the  midst  of  all 
his  wonder.  His  daughter  had  lost  the  golden  prize!  And 
through  his  misconduct !  He  could  have  sunk  into  the  cel- 
lar !  Mr.  Gammon  declared  that  he  could  not  account  for 
the  singular  conduct  of  Mr.  Titmouse  on  the  melancholy 
occasion  in  question,  except  by  referring  it  to  the  excellent 
wines  which  he  had  too  freely  partaken  of  at  Satin  Lodge. 

Tag-rag  really,  for  a  moment,  scarcely  knew  where  he  was, 
who  was  with  him,  or  whether  he  stood  on  his  head  or  his 
heels,  so  delightful  and  entirely  unexpected  was  the  issue  of 
Mr.  Gammon's  visit.  As  soon  as  his  faculties  had  somewhat 
recovered  themselves  from  their  temporary  confusion,  almost 
breathless,  he  assured  Gammon  that  no  event  in  the  whole 
course  of  his  life  had  occasioned  him  such  poignant  regret 
as  his  treatment  of  Titmouse  on  the  occasion  in  question; 
that  he  had  undoubtedly  followed  unwittingly  (he  was 
ashamed  to  own)  the  example  of  Titmouse,  and  drunk  far 
more  than  his  usual  quantity  of  wine.  As  for  his  daughter, 
she  was  growing  thinner  and  thinner  everyday,  and  he  thought 
he  must  send  her  to  the  country  for  a  short  time :  in  fact — 
poor  girl! — she  was  plainly  pining  away! 

To  all  this  Mr.  Gammon  listened  with  a  calm,  delightful, 
sympathizing  look,  that  quite  transported  Tag-rag,  and 
satisfied  him  that  Mr.  Gammon  implicitly  believed  every 
word  that  was  being  said  to  him.  But  when  he  proceeded 
to  assure  Tag-rag  that  this  visit  of  his  had  been  undertaken 
at  the  earnest  instance  of  Mr.  Titmouse  himself,  who  had 
urged  him,  Mr.  Gammon,  to  tender  the  olive-branch,  in  the 
devout  hope  that  it  might  be  accepted,  Tag-rag's  excitement 
knew  scarce  any  bounds.  Mr.  Gammon  wrote  down  Tit- 
mouse's direction,  and  assured  Mr.  Tag-rag  that  a  call 
from  him  would  be  gratefully  received  by  Mr.  Titmouse;  Tag- 

8 


ii4  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

rag  squeezing  his  hands  with  painful  energy  as  Gammon  bade 
him  adieu,  saying  he  should  not  be  himself  for  the  rest  of 
the  day,  and  bowing  the  aforesaid  Mr.  Gammon  down  the 
shop  with  as  profound  an  obsequiousness  as  if  he  had  been 
the  Lord  High  Chancellor. 

The  motive,  so  boldly  and  skillfully  suggested  by  Gammon  to 
Tag-rag  as  that  impelling  Titmouse  to  seek  a  reconciliation 
with  him,  was  greedily  credited  by  Tag-rag.  He  clapped  his 
hat  on  his  head  and  started  off  to  Titmouse's  lodgings,  and 
fortunately  caught  that  gentleman  just  as  he  was  going  out 
to  dine  at  a  neighboring  tavern.  If  Tag-rag  had  been  a 
keen  observer,  he  could  hardly  have  failed  to  discover  aver- 
sion toward  himself  written  in  every  feature  and  gesture  of 
Titmouse;  and  also  how  difficult  it  was  to  be  concealed.  But 
his  eagerness  overbore  everything,  and  took  Titmouse  quite 
by  storm.  Before  Tag-rag  had  done  with  him,  he  had  oblit- 
erated every  trace  of  resentment  in  his  little  friend's  bosom. 
Thoroughly  as  Gammon  thought  he  had  prepared  Titmouse 
for  the  encounter  and  armed  him  at  all  points — 'twas  of  no 
avail.  Tag-rag  poured  such  a  monstrous  quantity  of  flum- 
mery down  the  gaping  mouth  and  insatiate  throat  of  the 
little  animal  as  at  length  produced  its  desired  effect.  Tit- 
mouse would  have  dined  at  Satin  Lodge  on  the  very  next 
Sunday,  in  accordance  with  the  pressing  invitations  of  Tag- 
rag,  but  that  he  happened  to  recollect  having  engaged  himself  to 
dine  that  evening  with  Mr.  Quirk,  at  his  residence  in  Camber- 
'well — ALIBI  HOUSE.  Mr.  Quirk  had  soon  seen  through  the 
designs  upon  Titmouse  of  Mr.  Tag-rag;  and  justly  considered 
that  the  surest  method  of  rendering  them  abortive  would  be 
to  familiarize  Titmouse  with  a  more  lovely  and  attractive 
object  for  his  best  affections  in  Miss  Dora  Quirk,  the  luster 
of  whose  charms  and  accomplishments,  there  could  be  no 
doubt,  would  instantly  efface  the  image  of  that  poor,  feeble, 
vulgar  creature,  Miss  Tag-rag. 

Titmouse  promised  to  dine  at  Satin  Lodge  on  the  Sunday 
after,  with  which  poor  Mr.  Tag-rag  was  obliged  to  depart 
content. 

Titmouse  spent  several  hours  in  preparing  for  an  effective 
first  appearance  at  the  dinner-table  at  Alibi  House.  Since 
dining  at  Satin  Lodge,  he  had  considerably  increased  his 
wardrobe  both  in  quantity  and  style.  He  now  sported  a  pair 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  115 

of  tight  black  trousers,  with  pumps  and  gossamer  silk  stock- 
ings. He  wore  a  crimson  velvet  waistcoat,  with  a  bright 
blue  satin  under-waistcoat,  a  shirt  frill  standing  out  some- 
what fiercely  at  right  angles  with  his  breast,  and  a  brown 
dress-coat  cut  in  the  extreme  of  the  fashion,  the  long  tails 
coming  to  a  point  just  about  the  backs  of  the  knees.  His 
hair  was  disposed  with  great  elegance.  He  had  discarded 
mustaches;  but  had  a  very  promising  imperial.  The  hair 
underneath  his  chin  came  out  curling  on  each  side  of  it, 
like  two  little  tufts  or  horns.  Over  his  waistcoat  he  wore 
his  mosaic-gold  watch-guard,  and  a  broad  black  watered 
ribbon,  to  which  was  attached  his  eye-glasses — in  fact,  if  he 
had  dressed  himself  in  order  to  sit  to  a  miniature  painter 
for  his  likeness,  he  could  not  have  taken  greater  pains,  or 
secured  a  more  successful  result. 

The  only  points  about  his  appearance  with  which  he  was 
at  all  dissatisfied,  were  his  red  hair,  his  thick  red  stumpy 
hands,  and  his  round  shoulders.  The  last  matter  gave  him 
considerable  concern,  for  he  felt  that  it  seriously  interfered 
with  a  graceful  carriage,  and  that  the  defect  in  his  figure 
had  been,  after  all,  not  in  the  least  remedied  by  the  pro- 
digious padding  of  his  coat.  His  protuberant  eyes,  of  very 
light  hue,  had  an  expression  that  entirely  harmonized  with 
that  of  his  open  mouth ;  and  both  together  gave  you  the 
image  of  a — complete  fool.  Having  at  length  carefully  ad- 
justed his  hat  on  his  head,  drawn  on  his  white  kid  gloves, 
and  enveloped  himself  in  a  stylish  cloak  with  long  black 
silk  tassels,  about  four  o'clock  forth  sallied  Mr.  Titmouse, 
carefully  picking  his  way,  in  quest  of  the  first  coach  that 
could  convey  him  to  Alibi  House,  or  as  near  to  it  as  might 
be.  He  soon  found  one,  and,  conscious  that  his  appear- 
ance was  far  too  splendid  for  an  outside  place,  got  inside. 
Four  or  five  times  did  he  put  his  head  out  of  the  win- 
dow, calling  out,  in  a  loud  peremptory  tone — "  Mind,  coach- 
man— Alibi  House — Mr.  Quirk's — Alibi  House — do  you  hear, 
demme?"  After  which  he  would  sink  back  into  the  seat  with 
a  magnificent  air,  as  if  he  had  not  been  used  to  give  himself 
so  much  trouble.  The  coach  at  length  stopped.  "  Halibi 
'Ouse,  sir,"  said  the  coachman,  in  a  most  respectful  tone — 
"this  is  Mr.  Quirk's,  sir."  When  Titmouse  pulled  the  bell, 
the  door  was  quickly  plucked  open  by  a  big  footman,  with 


ti6  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

showy  shoulder-knot  and  a  pair  of  splendid  red  plush  breeches, 
who  soon  disposed  of  Titmouse's  cloak  and  hat,  and  led  the 
way  to  the  drawing-room,  before  our  friend  had  had  a 
moment's  time  even  to  run  his  hands  through  his  hair. 

"Your  name,  sir?"  inquired  the  man,  suddenly  pausing — 
with  his  hand  upon  the  handle  of  the  door. 

"Mr.  Titmouse." 

"I — beg  your  pardon,  sir;  what  name?" 

Titmouse,  clearing  his  throat,  repeated  his  name — open 
went  the  door,  and — "  Mr.  Ticklemouse,"  said  the  servant 
very  loudly  and  distinctly — ushering  in  Titmouse;  on  whom 
the  door  was  the  next  instant  closed.  He  felt  amazingly 
flustered — and  he  would  have  been  still  more  so,  if  he  could 
have  been  made  aware  of  the  titter  which  pervaded  the  four- 
teen or  twenty  people  assembled  in  the  room,  occasioned  by 
the  droll  misnomer  of  the  servant,  and  the  exquisitely  ridicu- 
lous appearance  of  poor  Titmouse.  Mr.  Quirk,  dressed  in 
black,  with  knee  breeches  and  silk  stockings,  immediately 
bustled  up  to  him,  shook  him  cordially  by  the  hand,  and  led 
him  up  to  the  assembled  guests.  "  My  daughter — Miss  Quirk; 
Mrs.  Alderman  Addlehead;  Mrs.  Deputy  Diddledaddle;  Mrs. 
Alias,  my  sister; — Mr.  Alderman  Addlehead;  Mr.  Deputy 
Diddledaddle;  Mr.  Bluster;  Mr.  Slang;  Mr.  Hug;  Mr.  Flaw; 
Mr.  Viper;  Mr.  Ghastly;  Mr.  Gammon  you  know." 

Miss  Quirk  was  about  five-and-twenty — a  fat  young  lady, 
with  flaxen  hair  curled  formally  all  over  her  head  and  down 
to  her  shoulders,  so  that  she  very  much  resembled  one 
of  those  great  wax  dolls  seen  in  bazaars  and  shop  win- 
dows, especially  if  looked  at  through  a  strong  magnifying 
glass.  Her  complexion  was  beautifully  fair;  her  eyes  small; 
her  face  quite  round  and  fat.  From  the  die-away  manner  in 
which  she  moved  her  head,  and  the  languid  tone  of  her  voice, 
it  was  obvious  that  she  was  a  very  sentimental  young  lady. 
She  was  dressed  in  white,  and  wore  a  massive  gold  chain — 
her  fat  arms  being  half  covered  with  long  kid  gloves.  She 
was  sitting  on  the  sofa,  from  which  she  did  not  rise  when 
Titmouse  was  introduced — and,  the  moment  after,  she  hid 
her  face  behind  the  album  which  had  been  lying  on  her  knee, 
and  which  she  had  been  showing  to  the  ladies  on-  each  side 
of  her ;  for,  in  fact,  neither  she  nor  any  one  else  could,  with- 
out the  greatest  difficulty,  refrain  from  laughing  at  the  mon- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  117 

keyfied  appearance  of  Titmouse.  The  only  man  of  gentle- 
manlike appearance  in  the  room  was  Mr.  Gammon ;  and  he 
took  an  early  opportunity  of  engaging  poor  Titmouse  in  con- 
versation, and  setting  him  comparatively  at  his  ease. 

"This  is  a  very  beautiful  picture,  Titmouse,  isn't  it?" 
said  Gammon,  leading  him  to  the  further  corner  of  the  draw- 
ing-room, where  hung  a  small  picture  with  a  sort  of  curtain 
of  black  gauze  before  it,  which  Gammon  lifting  up,  Titmouse 
beheld  a  picture  of  a  man  suspended  from  the  gallows,  his 
hands  tied  with  cords  before  him,  his  head  forced  aside,  and 
covered  down  to  the  chin  with  a  white  nightcap.  'Twas 
done  with  sickening  fidelity,  and  Titmouse  gazed  at  it  with 
a  shudder.  "Charming  thing,  isn't  it?"  said  Gammon  with 
a  very  expressive  smile. 

"Y — e — e — s,"  replied  Titmouse,  his  eyes  glued  to  the  hor- 
rid object. 

"Very  striking,  a'n't  it?"  quoth  Quirk,  bustling  up  to 
them;  "'twas  painted  for  me  by  a  first-rate  artist,  whose 
brother  I  very  nearly  saved  from  the  gallows  !  Like  such 
things?"  he  inquired  with  a  matter-of-fact  air,  drawing  down 
the  black  gauze. 

"Yes,  sir,  uncommon — most  uncommon." 

"  Well,  1 11  show  you  something  very  interesting !  Heard 
of  Gilderoy,  that  was  hanged  last  year  for  forgery  ?  Gad, 
my  daughter's  got  a  brooch  with  a  lock  of  his  hair  in  it 
which  he  gave  me  himself— a  client  of  mine :  within  an 
ace  of  getting  him  off— flaw  in  the  indictment — found  it  out 
myself— did,  by  gad !  Come  along,  and  I'll  get  Dora  to  show 
it  to  you!"  and,  putting  Titmouse's  arm  in  his,  he  led  him 
up  to  the  interesting  young  lady. 

"Dora,  just  show  my  friend  Titmouse  that  brooch  of  yours, 
with  Gilderoy's  hair." 

"Oh,  my  dear  papa,  'tis  such  a  melancholy  thing!"  said 
she,  at  the  same  time  detaching  it  from  her  dress  and  hand- 
ing it  to  her  papa,  who,  holding  it  in  his  hands,  gave  Tit- 
mouse, and  one  or  two  others  who  stood  beside,  a  very  in- 
teresting account  of  the  last  hours  of  the  deceased  Gilderoy. 

"He  was  very  handsome,  papa,  wasn't  he?"  inquired  Miss 
Quirk  with  a  sigh  and  a  very  pensive  air. 

"Wasn't  bad-looking;  but  good  looks  and  the  condemned 
cell  don't  long  agree  together." 


u8  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Ah,  papa!"  exclaimed  Miss  Quirk  in  a  mournful  tone, 
and,  leaning  back  in  the  sofa,  she  raised  her  handkerchief  to 
her  eyes. 

"You  are  too  sensitive,  my  love!"  whispered  her  aunt, 
Mrs.  Alias,  squeezing  the  hand  of  her  niece,  who,  struggling 
against  her  feelings,  presently  revived. 

Fortunately  dinner  was  then  announced — Mr.  Quirk  gave 
his  arm  with  an  air  of  prodigious  politeness  to  the  gaunt 
Mrs.  Alderman  Addlehead,  whose  distinguished  lord  led  down 
Miss  Quirk — and  the  rest  followed  in  no  particular  order — 
Titmouse  arm  in  arm  with  Gammon,  who  took  care  to  place 
him  next  to  himself.  It  was  really  a  dashing  sort  of  dinner. 
Titmouse  had  never  seen  anything  like  it,  and  was  quite 
bewildered — particularly  at  the  number  of  different  shaped 
and  colored  glasses,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  placed  opposite  to  him. 
He  kept  a  constant  eve  on  the  movements  of  Gammon,  and 
did  whatever  he  did,  as  if  the  two  had  been  moved  by  the 
same  set  of  springs,  and  was  thus  saved  innumerable  embar- 
rassments and  annoyances.  What  chiefly  struck  his  attention 
was  a  prodigious  number  of  dishes,  great  and  small,  as  if 
half-a-dozen  dinners  had  been  crowded  into  one;  the  rapidity 
with  which  they  were  changed,  and  plates  removed,  in  con- 
stant succession ;  the  incessant  invitations  to  take  wine  that 
were  flying  about  during  the  whole  of  dinner. 

For  a  considerable  while  Titmouse  was  too  much  flurried 
to  enjoy  himself;  but  a  few  glasses  of  champagne  succeeded 
in  elevating  his  spirits  to  the  proper  pitch — and  would  soon 
have  driven  them  far  beyond  it.  Almost  everybody,  except  the 
great  folk  at  the  top  of  the  table,  asked  him  to  take  wine ; 
and  he  constantly  filled  his  glass.  In  fact  Gammon,  recollect- 
ing a  scene  at  his  own  chamber,  soon  perceived  that,  unless 
he  interfered,  Titmouse  would  be  drunk  long  before  dinner 
was  over.  The  little  man  had  not  imagined  earth  to  contain 
so  exquisite  a  drink  as  champagne;  and  would  have  fallen 
down  and  worshiped  it,  as  it  came  fizzing  and  flashing  out 
of  the  bottle.  Gammon  earnestly  assured  him  that  he  would 
be  ill  if  he  drunk  so  much — that  many  eyes  were  upon  him — 
and  that  it  was  not  the  custom  to  do  more  than  merely 
sip  from  his  wine-glass  when  challenging  or  challenged.  But 
Titmouse  had  taken  a  great  quantity  on  board  before 
Gammon  thus  interfered. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  119 

At  length  the  long  dinner  drew  toward  its  close,  whereupon 
the  old  alderman  on  the  intimation  that  the  "ladies  were 
going  to  withdraw,"  laid  violent  hands  on  Miss  Quirk  (he 
was  a  "privileged"  old  fool),  and  insisted  on  her  singing 
his  favorite  song — " My  Friend  and  Pitcher"  His  request 
was  so  warmly  seconded  by  the  rest  of  the  company,  Tit- 
mouse as  loud  and  eager  as  any,  that  she  was  fain  to  com- 
ply. She  sung  with  some  sweetness,  and  much  self-possession. 
She  carried  Titmouse's  feelings  along  with  her  from  the  be- 
ginning, as  Gammon,  who  was  watching  him,  perceived. 

"Most  uncommon  lovely  gal,  isn't  she?"  whispered  Tit- 
mouse, with  great  vivacity. 

"Very!"  replied  Gammon  dryly,  with  a  slight  smile. 

"Shall  I  call  out  encorel  A'n't  that  the  word?  'Pon  my 
soul,  most  lovely  gal !  she  must  sing  it  again." 

"  No,  no — she  wishes  to  go — 'tis  not  usual :  she  will  sing  it 
for  you,  I  dare  say,  this  evening,  if  you  ask  her." 

"Well — most  charming  gal !     Lovely  !"- 

"  Have  patience,  my  dear  Titmouse,"  said  Gammon,  in  a 
low  whisper,  "in  a  few  months'  time  you'll  soon  be  thrown 
into  much  higher  life  than  this — among  really  beautiful,  and 
rich,  and  accomplished  women" — [and,  thought  Gammon, 
you'll  resemble  a  monkey  that  has  found  his  way  into  a  rich 
tulip-bed!] 

"  Fancy  Miss  Tag-rag  standing  beside  her,"  whispered  Tit- 
mouse scornfully. 

"Ha,  ha!"  gently  laughed  Gammon — "both  of  them,  in 
their  way,  are  very  worthy  persons;  but" — Here  the  ladies 
withdrew.  'Twas  no  part  of  Gammon's  plans  that  Titmouse 
should  become  the  son-in-law  of  either  Quirk  or  Tag-rag.  Mr. 
Gammon  "had  formed  already  vastly  different  plans  for  him. 

As  soon  as  Quirk  had  taken  the  head  of  the  table,  and 
the  gentlemen  drawn  together,  the  bottles  were  pushed  round 
very  briskly  amid  a  lively  conversation  for  some  little  time 
with  sad  results  for  poor  Titmouse. 

At  length  Mr.  Quirk  exclaimed,  "  Gentlemen,  let  me  request 
you  to  fill  your  glasses — bumpers — for  I  have  a  toast  to  pro- 
pose, in  which  you'll  all  feel  interested  when  you'll  hear  who's 
the  subject  of  it.  It  is  a  gentleman  who  is  likely  soon  to  be 
elevated  to  a  station  which  Nature  has  formed  him — hem ! 
hem!— to  adorn " 


120  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Mr.  Quirk's  proposing  your  health,  Titmouse!"  whispered 
Gammon  to  his  companion,  who,  having  been  very  restless 
for  some  time,  had  at  length  become  quite  silent — his  head 
resting  on  his  hand,  his  elbow  on  the  table — his  eyes  lan- 
guidly half  open,  and  his  face  exceedingly  pale.  Gammon 
saw  that  he  was  in  truth  in  a  very  ticklish  condition. 

"I — wish — you'd — let  me — go  out — I'm  devilish  ill" — said 
Titmouse,  faintly.  Gammon  made  a  signal  to  Quirk,  who 
instantly  ceased  his  speech;  and,  coming  down  to  Titmouse, 
he  and  Gammon  hastily  led  him  out  of  the  room,  and  into 
the  nearest  bed-chamber,  where  he  began  to  be  very  ill,  and 
so  continued  for  several  hours.  Titmouse  continued  severely 
indisposed  during  the  whole  of  the  night;  and,  early  in  the 
morning,  it  was  thought  advisable  to  send  for  a  medical 
man,  who  pronounced  Titmouse  to  be  in  danger  of  a  bilious 
fever,  and  to  require  rest,  and  care,  and  medical  attendance 
for  some  days  to  come. 

It  was  several  days  before  Titmouse  was  allowed,  by  his 
medical  man,  to  quit  his  bedroom.  It  is  impossible  for  any 
woman  not  to  be  touched  by  the  sight  of  a  sudden  change 
effected  in  a  man  by  severe  indisposition  and  suffering — even 
be  that  man  so  poor  a  creature  as  Titmouse.  When  he  made 
his  first  appearance  before  Miss  Quirk,  one  afternoon,  with 
somewhat  feeble  gait,  and  a  languid  air  that  mitigated,  if  it 
did  not  obliterate,  the  foolish  and  conceited  expression  of  his 
features,  she  really  regarded  him  with  considerable  interest, 
and,  tho  she  might  hardly  have  owned  it  even  to  herself,  his 
expected  good  fortune  invested  him  with  a  kind  of  subdued 
radiance.  Ten  thousand  a  year!— Miss  Quirk's  heart  fluttered! 

-  By  the  time  that  he  was  well  enough  to  take  his  departure, 
she  had,  at  his  request,  read  over  to  him  nearly  half  of  that 
truly  interesting  work — the  Newgate  Calendar ;  she  had  sung 
to  him,  and  played  to  him,  whatever  he  asked  her;  and,  in 
short,  she  felt  that  if  she  could  but  be  certain  that  he  would 
gain  his  great  lawsuit,  and  step  into  ten  thousand  a  year,  she 
could  love  him.  She  insisted,  on  the  day  of  his  quitting  Alibi 
House,  that  he  should  write  in  her  album;  and  he  very 
readily  complied.  It  was  nearly  ten  minutes  before  he  could 
get  a  pen  to  suit  him.  At  length  he  succeeded,  and  left  the 
following  interesting  memento  of  himself,  in  the  very  center 
of  a  fresh  page  : 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  121 

"Tittlebat  Titmouse  is  My  name. 

England  is  My  Nation, 
London  is  My  dwelling- Place, 
And  Christ  is  My  Salvation. 

-'Tittlebat  Titmouse." 

Miss  Quirk  turned  pale  with  astonishment  and  vexation 
on  seeing  this  elegant  and  interesting  addition  to  her  album. 
Titmouse,  on  the  contrary,  looked  at  it  with  no  little  pride ; 
for,  having  had  a  capital  pen,  and  his  heart  being  in  his  task, 


"Iftmouie  15 


he  had  produced  what  he  conceived  to  be  a  very  superior 
specimen  of  penmanship  ;  in  fact,  the  signature  was  by  far 
the  best  he  had  ever  written.  When  he  had  gone,  Miss  Quirk 
was  twenty  times  on  the  point  of  tearing  out  the  leaf  which 


122  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

had  been  so  dismally  disfigured;  but  on  her  father  coming 
home  in  the  evening,  he  laughed  heartily — "  and  as  to  tearing 
it  out,"  said  he,  "  let  us  first  see  which  way  the  verdict  is." 

Titmouse  became,  after  this,  a  pretty  frequent  visitor  at 
Alibi  House;  growing  more  and  more  attached  to  Miss  Quirk. 
The  indisposition  I  have  been  mentioning  prevented  him 
from  paying  his  promised  visit  to  Satin  Lodge.  On  return- 
ing to  his  lodgings  he  found  that  Tag-rag  had  either  called 
or  sent  every  day  to  inquire  after  him  with  the  most  affection- 
ate anxiety ;  and  one  or  two  notes  lying  on  his  table  apprised 
him  of  the  lively  distress  which  the  ladies  of  Satin  Lodge 
were  enduring  on  his  account,  and  implored  him  to  lose  not 
a  moment  in  communicating  the  state  of  his  health,  and 
personally  assuring  them  of  his  safety. 

Tho  the  image  of  Miss  Quirk  was  ever  before  his  eyes,  Tit- 
mouse had  cunning  enough  not  to  drop  the  slightest  hint 
to  the  Tag-rags  of  the  true  state  of  his  feelings.  Whenever 
any  inquiry,  with  ill-disguised  anxiety,  was  made  by  Mrs. 
Tag-rag  concerning  Alibi  House  and  its  inmates,  Titmouse 
would,  to  be  sure,  me-ntion  Miss  Quirk,  but  in  such  a  careless 
and  slighting  way  as  gave  great  consolation  and  encourage- 
ment to  Tag-rag,  his  wife,  and  daughter.  When  at  Mr. 
Quirk's,  he  spoke  somewhat  unreservedly  of  the  amiable  in- 
mates of  Satin  Lodge.  As  often  as  he  dared,  he  called  at 
Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap's  office  at  Saffron  Hill, 
and  worried  them  not  a  little  by  inquiries  concerning  the 
state  of  his  affairs,  and  the  cause  of  the  delay  in  commencing 
proceedings.  As  for  Huckaback,  Titmouse  cut  him  entirely; 
saying  that  he  was  a  devilish  low  fellow,  and  it  was  no  use 
knowing  him.  He  made  many  desperate  efforts,  both  per- 
sonally and  by  letter,  to  renew  his  acquaintance  with  Tit- 
mouse, but  in  vain.  I  may  as  well  mention,  by  the  way,  that 
as  soon  as  Snap  got  scent  of  the  little  money  transaction  be- 
tween his  friend  and  Huckaback,  he  called  upon  the  latter, 
and  tendering  him  twelve  shillings,  demanded  up  the  docu- 
ment which  he  had  extorted  from  Titmouse.  Huckaback 
held  out  obstinately  for  some  time — but  Snap  was  too  much 
for  him,  and  talked  in  such  a  formidable-  strain  about  an  in- 
dictment for  conspiracy  (!)  and  fraud,  that  Huckaback  at 
length  consented,  on  receiving  twelve  shillings,  to  deliver  up 
the  document  to  Snap,  on  condition  of  Snap's  destroying  it 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  123 

on  the  spot.  This  was  done,  and  so  ended  all  intercourse — 
at  least  on  this  side  of  the  grave — between  Titmouse  and 
Huckaback.  . 

The  sum  allowed  by  Messrs.  Quirk  and  Gammon  to  Tit- 
mouse was  amply  sufficient  to  have  kept  him  in  comfort; 
but  it  never  would  have  enabled  him  to  lead  the  kind 
of  life  which  he  desired — and  he  would  certainly  have  got 
very  awkwardly  involved,  had  it  not  been  for  the  kindness 
of  Snap  in  advancing  him,  from  time  to  time,  such  sums  as 
his  exigencies  required.  In  fact,  matters  went  on  as  quietly 
and  smoothly  as  possible  for  several  months — till  about  the 
middle  of  November,  when  an  event  occurred  that  seemed 
to  threaten  the  total  demolition  of  all  his  hopes  and  expecta- 
tions. 

He  had  not  seen  or  heard  from  Messrs.  Quirk  or  Gammon 
for  .nearly  a  fortnight ;  Snap  he  had  not  seen  for  nearly  a 
week.  At  length  he  ventured  to  make  his  appearance  at 
Saffron  Hill,  and  was  received  with  a  startling  coldness — a 
stern  abruptness  of  manner,  that  frightened  him  out  of  his 
wits.  All  the  three  partners  were  alike — as  for  Snap,  the  con- 
trast between  his  present  and  his  former  manner  was  per- 
fectly shocking;  he  seemed  quite  another  person.  The  fact 
was,  that  the  full  statement  of  Titmouse's  claims  had  been 
laid  before  Mr.  Subtle,  the  leading  counsel  retained  in  his  be- 
half, for  his  opinion,  before  actually  commencing  proceedings; 
and  the  partners  were  indeed  thunderstruck  on  receiving  that 
opinion;  for  Mr.  Subtle  pointed  out  a  radical  deficiency  of 
proof  in  a  matter  which,  as  soon  as  their  attention  was 
thus  pointedly  called  to  it,  Messrs.  Quirk  and  Gammon  were 
amazed  at  their  having  overlooked,  and  still  more  at  its  hav- 
ing escaped  the  notice  of  their  conveyancers. 

Here  was  something  like  a  deadlock,  indeed ! 

"We're  done,  Gammon!"  said  Quirk  with  a  dismayed  air. 
Gammon  seemed  lost,  and  made  no  answer. 

"  Does  anything — eh  ?  Anything  occur  to  you  ?  Gammon, 
I  will  say  this  for  you — you're  a  long-headed  fellow!"  Still 
Gammon  spoke  not. 

"  Gammon  !  Gammon  !  I  really  believe — you  begin  to  see 
something." 

"//'j  to  be  ttone,  Mr.  Quirk!"  said  Gammon  at  length,  with 
a  grave  and  apprehensive  look,  and  a  cheek  paler  than  before. 


i24  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Eh?  how?  Oh,  I  see! — Know  what  you  mean,  Gammon," 
replied  Quirk  with  a  hurried  whisper,  glancing  at  both  doors 
to  see  that  they  were  safe. 

"  We  must  resume  our  intercourse  with  Titmouse,  and  let 
matters  go  on  as  before,"  said  Gammon,  with  a  very  anxious, 
but,  at  the  same  time,  a  determined  air. 

"  I — I  wonder  if  what  has  occurred  to  you  is  what  has 
occurred  to  me?"  inquired  Quirk  in  an  eager  whisper. 

"  Pooh  !  pooh  !  Mr.  Quirk." 

"  Gammon,  dear  Gammon,  no  mystery  !  You  know  I  have 
a  deep  stake  in  this  matter!" 

"  So  have  I,  Mr.  Quirk,"  replied  Gammon  with  a  sigh. 
"  However" — Here  the  partners  put  their  heads  close  together, 
and  whispered  to  each  other  in  a  low,  earnest  tone  for  some 
minutes.  Quirk  rose  from  his  seat,  and  took  two  or  three 
turns  about  the  room  in  silence,  Gammon  watching  Ijim 
calmly. 

To  his  inexpressible  relief  and  joy,  within  a  few  hours  of 
the  happening  of  the  above  colloquy,  Titmouse  found  him- 
self placed  on  precisely  his  former  footing  with  Messrs.  Quirk, 
Gammon,  and  Snap. 


r 


CHAPTER    XII 

IN  WHICH  IS  EXPLAINED  THE  SEEMING  NECESSITY  FOR  A  DAN- 
GEROUS CONSPIRACY  BETWEEN  MESSRS.  GAMMON  AND 
QUIRK  IN  BEHALF  OF  THE  HERO 

THE  chief  corner-stone  suddenly  found  wanting  in  the 
glittering  fabric  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  fortune,  was  a  certain 
piece  of  evidence.  Now,  I  can  fancy  that  the  reader  has  more 
than  once  asked  himself  the  following  question,  viz. — How 
did  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  first  come  to  be  ac- 
quainted with  the  precarious  tenure  by  which  Mr.  Aubrey 
held  the  Yatton  property?  Why,  it  chanced  in  this  wise: 

Some  twelve  years  before  the  period  at  which  this  history 
commences,  Mr.  Parkinson  had  taken  into  his  service  an 
orphan  boy  of  the  name  of  Steggars,  at  first  merely  as  a 
sort  of  errand-boy,  and  to  look  after  the  office.  He  soon, 
however,  displayed  so  much  sharpness,  and  acquitted  him- 
self so  creditably,  that  in  the  course  of  a  year  or  two  he 
became  a  sort  of  clerk,  and  sat  and  wrote  at  the  desk  it 
had  formerly  been  his  sole  province  to  dust.  Higher  and 
higher  did  he  rise,  and  at  length  became  acquainted  with 
the  whole  course  of  business  that  passed  through  the  office. 
Many  interesting  matters  connected  with  the  circumstances 
and  connections  of  the  neighboring  nobility  and  gentry  were 
thus  constantly  brought  under  his  notice,  and  now  and 
then  set  him  thinking  whether  the  knowledge  thus  acquired 
could  not,  in  some  way,  and  at  some  time  or  another,  be 
turned  to  his  own  advantage ;  for  he  was  utterly  unworthy 
of  the  kindness  and  confidence  of  Mr.  Parkinson,  who  little 
thought  that  in  Steggars  he  had  to  deal  with — a  rogue  in 
grain. 

On  the  occasion  of  Mr.  Aubrey's  intended  marriage  with 
Miss  St.  Clair,  a  full  abstract  of  his  title  was  laid  by  Mr. 
Parkinson  before  his  conveyancer,  in  order  to  advise  and 
prepare  the  necessary  instruments.  Owing  to  inquiries  sug- 


126  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

gested  by  the  conveyancer,  additional  statements  were  laid 
before  him ;  and  produced  an  opinicm  of  a  somewhat  unsatis- 
factory description,  from  which  I  shall  lay  before  the  reader 
the  following  paragraph  : 

"  There  seems  no  reason  for  supposing  that  any  descendant 
of  Stephen  Dreddlington  is  now  in  existence  :  still,  as  it  is 
by  no  means  physically  impossible  that  such  a  person  may 
be  in  esse,  it  would  unquestionably  be  most  important  to 
the  security  of  Mr.  Aubrey's  title  to  establish  clearly  the 
validity  of  the  conveyance  by  way  of  mortgage,  executed  by 
Harry  Dreddlington,  and  which  was  afterward  assigned  to 
Geoffry  Dreddlington  on  his  paying  off  the  money  borrowed 
by  his  deceased  uncle  :  since  the  descent  of  Mr.  Aubrey  from 
Geoffry  Dreddlington  would,  in  that  event  clothe  him  with 
an  indefeasible  title  at  law,  by  virtue  of  that  deed;  and  any 
equitable  rights  which  were  originally  outstanding,  would 
be  barred  by  lapse  of  time.  But  the  difficulty  occurring  to 
my  mind  on  this  part  of  the  case  is,  that,  unless  Harry  Dred- 
dlington, who  executed  that  deed  of  mortgage,  survived  his 
father  (a  point  on  which  I  am  surprised  that  I  am  furnished 
with  no  information),  the  deed  itself  would  have  been  mere 
waste  parchment,  as  in  reality  the  conveyance  of  a  person 
who  never  had  any  interest  in  the  Yatton  property — and,  of 
course,  neither  Geoffry  Dreddlington,  nor  his  descendant  Mr. 
Aubrey,  could  derive  any  right  whatever  under  such  an  in- 
strument. In  that  case,  such  a  contingency  as  I  have  above 
hinted  at — I  mean  the  existence  of  any  legitimate  descendant 
of  Stephen  Dreddlington — might  have  a  most  serious  effect  upon 
the  rights  of  Mr.  Aubrey.'1'' 

Now  every  line  of  this  opinion  did  this  quick-sighted  young 
scoundrel  copy  out  and  deposit,  as  a  great  prize,  in  his  desk, 
among  other  similar  notes  and  memoranda,  his  master  little 
wotting  the  while  of  what  he  was  doing.  Some  year  or 
two  afterwards,  Steggars  decamped  with  the  sum  of  ^700 
sterling,  being  the  amount  of  money  due  on  a  mortgage 
which  he  had  been  sent  to  receive  from  a  client  of  Mr.  Par- 
kinson's. Hot  pursuit  was  made  after  the  unfortunate  delin- 
quent, who  was  taken  into  custody  two  or  three  days  after 
his  arrival  in  town.  He  quickly  found  his  way  into  Newgate. 
His  natural  sagacity  assured  him  that  his  case  was  rather 
an  ugly  one;  but  hope  did  not  desert  him. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  127 

"Well,  my  kiddy,"  said  Grasp,  the  grim  turnkey;  "here 
you  are,  you  see — isn't  you?" 

"I  think  I  am,"  replied  Steggars,  with  a  sigh. 

"  Well — and  if  you  want  to  have  a  chance  of  not  going 
across  the  water  till  you're  a  many  years  older,  you'll 
get  yourself  defended,  and  the  sooner  the  better,  d'ye  see. 
There's  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap — my  eyes !  how  they  do 
thin  this  here  place  of  ours,  to  be  sure !  Shall  I  send  them 
to  you?" 

Steggars  answered  eagerly  in  the  affirmative.  Mr.  Quirk 
took  a  lively  interest  in  his  new  companion,  and  promised 
to  do  whatever  he  could.  He  hinted,  however,  that,  as  Mr. 
Steggars  must  be  aware,  a  little  ready  money  would  be 
required,  in  order  to  fee  counsel — whereat  Steggars  looked 
very  dismal  indeed.  Old  Mr.  Quirk  asked  him  if  he  had  no 
friends  who  would  raise  a  trifle  for  a  "chum  in  trouble," — 
and  on  answering  in  the  negative,  he  observed  the  enthusiasm 
of  the  respectable  old  gentleman  visibly  and  rapidly  cooling 
down. 

"  But  I'll  tell  you  what,  sir,"  said  poor  Steggars,  suddenly, 
"  if  I  haven't  money,  I  may  have  money 's  worth  at  my  com- 
mand;— I've  a  little  box,  that's  at  my  lodging,  which  those 
that  got  me  knew  nothing  of — and  in  which  there  is  a  trifle 
or  two  about  the  families  and  fortunes  of  some  of  the  first 
folk  in  Yatton,  that  would  be  precious  well  worth  looking 
after,  to  those  that  know  how  to  follow  up  such  matters." 
Steggars,  having  first  exacted  from  him  a  written  promise 
to  use  his  utmost  exertions  on  his  behalf,  gave  Mr.  Quirk 
the  number  of  the  house  where  his  precious  box  was,  and 
a  written  order  to  the  landlord  to  deliver  it  up  to  the 
bearer;  after  which  Mr.  Quirk  shook  him  cordially  by  the 
hand,  and  having  quitted  the  prison,  made  his  way  straight 
to  the  house  in  question,  and  succeeded  in  obtaining  what 
he  asked  for.  He  faithfully  defended  Steggars,  but  alas ! 
Steggars  was  found  guilty,  and  sentenced  to  be  transported 
for  life. 

Enraged  at  this  issue,  he  sent  a  message  the  next  day  to 
Mr.  Quirk  requesting  a  visit  from  him.  When  he  arrived, 
Steggars,  in  a  very  violent  tone,  demanded  that  his  papers 
should  be  returned  to  him.  'Twas  in  vain  that  Mr.  Quirk 
"xplained  to  him  again  and  again  his  interesting  position 


128 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


with  reference  to  his  goods,  chattels,  and  effects — i.e.,  that, 
as  a  convicted  felon,  he  had  no  further  concern  with  them,  and 
might  dismiss  all  anxiety  on  that  score  from  his  mind.  Steg- 


• —    I've   ^  little    box 
that's    &t   my  lodging 
*  *    and  in  which  there 
is  &  trifle   &bouC  the 
ftxmihej  vxnd  fortunes 
of  the  folk    in  YSktton  M 


gars  hereat  got  more  furious  than  before,  and  intimated 
plainly  the  course  he  should  feel  it  his  duty  to  pursue — that, 
if  the  papers  in  question  were  not  given  up  to  him  as  he 
desired,  he  should  at  once  write  off  to  his  late  employer,  Mr. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  129 

Parkinson,  and  acknowledge  how  much  further  he  (Steggars) 
had  wronged  him  and  his  clients  than  he  supposed  of.  Old 
Quirk  very  feelingly  represented  to  him  that  he  was  at  liberty 
to  do  anything  that  he  thought  calculated  to  relieve  his 
excited  feelings :  and  then  Mr.  Quirk  took  a  final  farewell  of 
his  client,  wishing  him  health  and  happiness. 

"I  say,  Grasp!"  said  he,  in  a  whisper,  to  that  grim 
functionary,  as  soon  as  he  had  secured  poor  Steggars  in 
his  cell,  "that  bird  is  a  little  ruffled  just  now — isn't  he,  think 
you?" 

"  Lud,  sir,  the  nat'ralist  thing  in  the  world,  considering — 

"  Well — if  he  should  want  a  letter  taken  to  any  one,  what- 
ever he  may  say  to  the  contrary,  you'll  send  it  on  to 
Saffron  Hill — eh?  Understand? — He  may  be  injuring  him- 
self, you  know;"  and  old  Quirk  with  one  hand  clasped  the 
huge  arm  of  Grasp  in  a  familiar  way,  and  with  the  fore- 
finger of  the  other  touched  his  own  nose,  and  then  winked 
his  eye. 

"All  right!"  quoth  Grasp,  and  they  parted.  Within  a 
very  few  hours'  time,  Mr.  Quirk  received,  by  the  hand  of  a 
trusty  messenger,  from  Grasp,  a  letter  written  by  Steggars 
to  Mr.  Parkinson ;  a  long  and  eloquent  letter  to  the  purport 
and  effect  which  Steggars  had  intimated.  Mr.  Quirk  read  it 
with  much  satisfaction,  for  it  disclosed  a  truly  penitent  feel- 
ing, and  then  quietly  put  the  letter  in  the  fire  as  soon  as  he 
had  read  it.  In  due  time  Mr.  Steggars,  whose  health  had 
suffered  from  close  confinement,  caught  frequent  whiffs  of  the 
fresh  sea-breeze,  having  set  out,  under  most  favorable  auspices, 
for  Botany  Bay;  to  which  distant  but  happy  place,  he  had 
been  thus  fortunate  in  securing,  so  early,  an  appointment 
for  life. 

Such,  then,  were  the  miserable  means  by  which  Mr.  Quirk 
became  acquainted  with  the  exact  state  of  Mr.  Aubrey's 
title;  on  first,  becoming  apprised  of  which,  Mr.  Gammon 
either  felt,  or  affected,  great  repugnance  to  taking  any  part 
in  the  affair.  He  appeared  to  suffer  himself,  at  length,  how- 
ever, to  be  over-persuaded  by  Quirk  into  acquiescence;  and, 
that  point  gained  and  Titmouse  having  been  discovered,  Gam- 
mon said  he  would  at  once  prepare  a  case  for  the  opinion  of 
Mr.  Lynx,  whom  he  had  pitched  upon  as  the  junior  counsel 
in  any  proceedings  which  might  be  instituted  in  a  court  of 


130 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


law.  To  make  Mr.  Lynx's  opinion  not  altogether  unintel- 
ligible, let  us  suppose  the  state  of  the  Titmouse  pedigree  to 
be  something  like  this  : 

(DREDDLINGTON.) 


(Harry  D.) 


(Charles  D.) 


(Stephen  D.) 


(A  female  descendant 

marries  Gabriel  Tittlebat 

Titmouse,  through  whom 

TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

claims.) 


(Geoffry  D.) 


(A  female  descendant 
marries  CHARLES  AUBREY, 
Esq.,  father  of  the  pres- 
ent possessor.) 


"Now  things  standing  thus,  behold  the  astute  Lynx  ad- 
vising in  manner  following;  that  is  to  say — 

"  It  appears  clear  that  the  lessor  of  the  plaintiff  (/.<?.,  Tittle- 
bat Titmouse)  will  be  able  to  prove  that  Dreddlington  (the 
common  ancestor)  was  seized  of  the  estate  at  Yatton  in  the 
year  1740;  that  he  had  two  sons,  Harry  and  Charles,  the 
former  of  whom,  after  a  life  of  dissipation,  appears  to  have 
died  without  issue;  and  that  from  the  latter  (Charles)  are 
descended  Stephen,  the  ancestor  of  the  lessor  of  the  plaintiff, 
and  Geoffry  the  ancestor  of  the  defendant.  Assuming  there- 
fore, that  the  descent  of  the  lessor  of  the  plaintiff  from  Ste- 
phen can  be  made  out,  as  there  appears  every  reason  to 
expect,  a  clear  prima  facie  case  will  be  established  on  the 
part  of  the  lessor  of  the  plaintiff.  As,  however,  it  is  suspected 
that  Harry  D.  executed  a  conveyance  in  fee  of  the  property, 
in  order  to  secure  the  loan  contracted  by  him  from  Aaron 
Moses,  it  will  be  extremely  important  to  ascertain,  and,  if 
possible,  procure  satisfactory  evidence,  that  his  decease  oc- 
curred before  the  period  at  which,  by  his  father's  death,  that 
conveyance  could  have  become  operative  upon  the  property ; 
since  it  is  obvious  that,  should  he  have  survived  his  father, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  131 

that  instrument,  being  outstanding,  may  form  a  complete 
answer  to  the  case  of  the  lessor  of  the  plaintiff.  The  danger 
will  be  obviously  increased,  should  the  debt  to  Aaron  Moses 
prove  to  have  been  paid  off,  as  is  stated  to  be  rumored,  by 
Geoffry  D.,  the  younger  son  of  Charles  D.  :  for,  should  that 
turn  out  to  be  the  case,  he  would  probably  have  taken  a 
conveyance  to  himself,  or  to  trustees  for  his  benefit,  from 
Aaron  Moses — which  being  in  the  power  of  the  defendant, 
Mr.  Aubrey,  would  enable  him  to  make  out  a  title  to  the 
property,  paramount  to  that  now  attempted  to  be  set  up 
on  behalf  of  Mr.  Titmouse.  Every  possible  exertion,  there- 
fore, should  be  made  to  ascertain  the  precise  period  of  the 
death  of  Harry  D.  The  registries  of  the  various  parishes 
in  which  the  family  may  have  at  any  time  resided,  should 
be  carefully  searched;  and  an  examination  made  in  the 
churches  and  churchyards,  of  all  tombstones,  escutcheons, 
etc.,  belonging,  or  supposed  to  belong,  to  the  Dreddlington 
family,  and  by  which  any  light  can  be  thrown  upon  this  most 
important  point.  It  appears  clear  that  Dreddlington  (the 
common  ancestor)  died  on  the  7th  August,  1742  : — the  ques- 
tion, therefore,  simply  is,  whether  the  death  of  his  eldest  son 
(Harry )  took  place  prior  or  subsequent  to  that  period^  It  is 
to  be  feared  that  the  defendant  may  be  in  possession  of 
some  better  evidence  on  this  point  than  is  possessed  by  the 
lessor  of  the  plaintiff.  The  natural  presumption  certainly 
seems  to  be,  that  the  son,  being  the  younger  and  stronger 
man,  was  the  survivor." 

The  above  mentioned  opinion  of  Mr.  Lynx,  together  with 
that  of  Mr.  Subtle  entirely  corroborating  it,  and  a  pedigree, 
were  lying  on  the  table,  one  day,  at  the  office  at  Saffron 
Hill,  before  the  anxious  and  perplexed  parties,  Messrs.  Quirk 
and  Gammon. 

"Now,  Gammon,"  said  the  former,  "just  let  me  see  again 
where  the  exact  hitch  is — eh?  You'll  think  me  perhaps  in- 
fernally stupid,  but — curse  me  if  I  can  see  it ! " 

"See  it,  my  dear  sir?  Here,  here.'"  replied  Gammon  with 
sudden  impatience,  putting  his  finger  two  or  three  times  to 
the  words  "Harry  D" 

"  Lord  bless  us !  Don't  be  so  sharp  with  one,  Gammon ! 
I  know  as  well  as  you  that  that's  about  where  the  crack  is; 
but  what  is  the  precise  thing  we're  in  want  of,  eh?" 


132 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


"  Proof,  my  dear  sir,  of  the  death  of  Harry  Dreddlington 
some  time — no  matter  when — previous  to  the  yth  August, 
1742;  and  in  default  thereof,  Mr.  Quirk,  we  are  all  flat  on 
our  backs,  and  had  better  never  have  stirred  in  the  business." 

Mr.  Quirk  gazed  at  Mr.  Gammon  with  an  anxious  and 
puzzled  look. 


Ah .  by  the  vvtxy .  ^n  old 
TDMBSTONt .    th7\t  would 
.Set  Lie  the    business  '  " 

"How  d'ye  make  out — in  a  legal  way,  you  know,  Gam- 
mon— when  a  man  died — I  mean,  of  a  natural  death?" 
inquired  Quirk,  who  was  familiar  enough  with  the  means  of 
proving  the  exact  hour  of  certain  violent  deaths  at  Debtor's 
Door. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  133 

"  Oh,  there  are  various  methods  of  doing  so,  my  dear  sir," 
replied  Gammon  carelessly.  "Entries  in  family  bibles  and 
prayer-books,  registers,  tombstones — ay,  by  the  way,  an  old 
TOMBSTONE,"  continued  Gammon  musingly,  "that  would 
settle  the  business!" 

"An  old  tombstone!"  echoed  Quirk  briskly.  "Lord,  Gam- 
mon, so  it  would!  That's  an  idea! — I  call  that  a  decided 
idea,  Gammon.  'Twould  be  the  very  thing!" 

"The  very  thing!"  repeated  Gammon,  pointedly.  They 
remained  silent  for  some  moments. 

"  Snap  could  not  have  looked  about  him  sharply  enough, 
when  he  was  down  at  Yatton!"  at  length  observed  Quirk, 
in  a  low  tone  flushing  all  over  as  he  uttered  the  last  words, 
and  felt  Gammon's  cold  gray  eye  settled  on  him  like  that  of 
a  snake. 

"He  could  not,  indeed,  my  dear  sir,"  replied  Gammon, 
while  Quirk  continued  gazing  earnestly  at  him,  now  and  then 
wriggling  about  in  his  chair,  rubbing  his  chin,  and  drum- 
ming with  his  fingers  on  the  table. — "And  now  that  you've 
suggested  the  thing,  it's  not  to  be  wondered  at — you  know,  it 
would  have  been  an  old  tombstone — a  sort  of  fragment  of  a 
tombstone,  perhaps — so  deeply  sunk  in  the  ground,  probably, 
as  easily  to  have  escaped  observation,  eh  ?  Does  not  it  strike 
you  so,  Mr.  Quirk?"  All  this  was  said  by  Gammon  in  a 
musing  manner,  and  in  a  very  low  tone  of  voice ;  and  he  was 
delighted  to  find  his  words  sinking  into  the  eager  mind  of 
his  companion. 

"Ah,  Gammon!"  exclaimed  Quirk,  with  a  sound  of  partly 
a  sigh  and  partly  a  whistle  (the  former  being  the  exponent 
of  the  true  state  of  his  feelings,  i.e.  anxiety — the  latter  of 
what  he  wished  to  appear  the  state  of  his  feelings,  i.e.  in- 
difference). 

"Yes,  Mr.  Quirk?" 

"  You're  a  deep  devil,  Gammon — I  will  say  that  for  you  ! " 
replied  Quirk,  glancing  toward  each  door,  and,  as  it  were, 
unconsciously  drawing  his  chair  a  little  closer  to  that  of 
Gammon. 

"Nay,  my  dear  sir!"  said  Gammon,  with  a  deferential  and 
deprecating  smile,  "you  give  me  credit  for  an  acuteness  I 
feel  I  do  not  deserve !  If,  indeed,  I  had  not  had  your  sagac- 
ity to  rely  upon,  ever  since  I  have  had  the  honor  of  being 


134  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

connected  with  you  —  ah,   Mr.   Quirk,  you  know  you  lead  —  I 
follow  -  " 


"  Gammon,  Gammon  !     Come  —  your  name's 

"In  moments  like  these,  Mr.  Quirk,  I  say  nothing  that 
I  do  not  feel,"  interupted  Gammon  gravely,  putting  to 
his  nose  the  least  modicum  of  snuff  which  he  could  take 
with  the  tip  of  his  finger  out  of  the  huge  box  of  Mr. 
Quirk,  who,  just  then,  was  thrusting  immense  pinches  every 
half  minute  up  his  nostrils.  "  Seriously,  Mr.  Quirk  ;  I  thor- 
oughly appreciate  your  admirable  caution  in  not  confid- 
ing to  any  one  —  no,  not  even  to  me  —  the  exact  means  by 
which  you  intend  to  extricate  us  from  our  present  dilemma." 
Here  Quirk  got  very  fidget}',  and  twirled  his  watch-key 
violently. 

"  Hem  !  But  —  hem  !  Ay  —  a  —  a,"  he  grunted,  looking  with 
an  uneasy  air  at  his  calm  astute  companion;  "I  didn't  mean 
so  much  as  all  that,  either,  Gammon;  for  two  heads,  in  my 
opinion,  are  better  than  one.  You  must  own.  that,  Gammon  !" 
said  he,  not  at  all  relishing  the  heavy  burden  of  responsi- 
bility which  he  felt  that  Gammon  was  about  to  devolve 
upon  his  (Quirk's)  shoulders  exclusively. 

"'Tis  undoubtedly  rather  a  serious  business  on  which  we 
are  now  entering,"  said  Gammon;  "and  I  have  always  ad- 
mired a  saying  which  you  years  ago  told  me  of  that  great 
man  Machiavel  — 

[Oh,  Gammon  !  Gammon  !  You  well  know  that  poor  old 
Mr.  O_uirk  never  heard  of  the  name  of  that  same  Machiavel 
till  this  moment!]  — 

"That  when  great  affairs  are  stirring,  a  master-move 
should  be  confined  to  the  master-mind  that  projects  it.  I 
understand  !  I  see  !  I  will  not,  therefore,  inquire  into  the 
precise  means  by  which  I  am  satisfied  you  will  make  it  appear 
in  due  time  (while  I  am  engaged  getting  up  the  subordinate, 
but  very  harassing  details  of  the  general  case)  that  Henry 
Dreddlington  died  before  the  ////  of  August,  TJ42."  Here, 
taking  out  his  watch  —  "  Bless  me,  Mr.  Quirk,  how  time 
passes!  —  Two  o'clock!  I  ought  to  have  been  at  Messrs. 
Gregson's  a  quarter  of  an  hour  ago." 

"  Stop  —  a  moment  or  two  can't  signify  !  It  —  it,"  said  Quirk 
hesitatingly,  "it  was  you,  wasn't  it,  that  thought  of  the 
tombstone?" 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  135 

"I! — my  dear  Mr.  Quirk" — interupted  Gammon,  with  a 
look  of  astonishment  and  deference. 

"  Come,  come — honor  among  thieves,  you  know,  Gammon  !" 
said  Quirk  trying  to  laugh. 

"  No — it  shall  never  be  said  that  I  attempted  to  take  the 

credit  of "  commenced  Gammon;  when  a  clerk  entering, 

put  an  end  to  the  colloquy  between  the  partners,  each  of 
whom,  presently,  was  sitting  alone  in  his  own  room — for 
Gammon  found  that  he  was  too  late  to  think  of  keeping  his 
engagement  with  Messrs.  Gregson;  if  indeed  he  had  ever 
made  any — which,  in  fact,  he  had  not.  Mr.  Quirk  sat  in  a 
musing  posture  for  nearly  half  an  hour  after  he  and  Gammon 
had  separated.  "Gammon  is  a  deep  one!  I'll  be  shot  if  ever 
there  was  his  equal,"  said  Quirk  to  himself,  at  length;  and 
starting  off  his  chair,  with  his  hands  crossed  behind  him,  he 
walked  softly  to  and  fro.  "  I  know  what  he's  driving  at — 
though  he  thought  I  didn't !  He'd  let  me  scratch  my  hands 
in  getting  the  blackberries,  and  then  he'd  come  smiling  in  to 
eat  'em !  But — share  and  share  alike — share  profit,  share 
danger,  Master  Gammon; — you  may  find  that  Caleb  Quirk 
is  a  match  for  Oily  Gammon — I'll  have  you  in  for  it,  one  way 
or  another!"  Here  occurred  a  long  pause  in  his  thoughts. 
"  Really  I  doubt  the  thing's  growing  unmanageable — the 
prize  can't  be  worth  the  risk! — Risk,  indeed — 'fore  Gad — it's 
neither  more  nor  less  than —  Here  a  certain  picture  hang- 
ing, covered  with  black  crape,  in  the  drawing-room  at  Alibi 
House,  seemed  to  have  glided  down  from  its  station,  and  to 
stand  before  his  eyes  with  the  crape  drawn  aside — a  ghastly 
object — eugh !  He  shuddered,  and  involuntarily  closed  his 
eyes.  "How  devilish  odd  that  I  should  just  now  have  hap- 
pened to  think  of  it!"  he  inwardly  exclaimed,  sinking  into 
his  chair,  in  a  sort  of  cold  sweat. 

"I'll  tell  you  what,  Mr.  Quirk,"  said  Gammon,  suddenly 
re-entering  the  room  after  about  an  hour's  absence,  during 
which  he  too  had,  like  his  senior  partner,  been  revolving 
many  things  in  his  mind — "it  has  occurred  to  me  that  I  had 
better  immediately  go  down  to  Yatton,  alone" 

"Eh?"  quickly  interrupted  Quirk,  pricking  up  his  ears. 
"Do  you  intend  to  play  Mackivel!  eh?  What  must  you  go 
down  alone  to  Yatton  for,  Gammon?" 

"Why,    simply    as    a   sort   of  pioneer — to  reconnoiter  the 


136  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

churchyard — eh?  I  thought  it  might  have  been  of  service; 
but  if " 

"  Gammon,  Gammon,  your  hand !  I  understand,"  replied 
Quirk,  evidently  vastly  relieved — most  cordially  shaking 
the  cold  hand  of  Gammon. 

"But,  understand,  Mr.  Quirk,"  said  he  in  a  very  peremp- 
tory manner,  "  no  one  upon  earth  is  to  know  of  my  visit  to 
Yatton  except  yourself." 

He  received  a  solemn  pledge  to  that  effect;  and  presently 
the  partners  separated,  a  little  better  satisfied  with  each 
other.  Mr.  Quirk  paid  one  or  two  visits  to  the  neighborhood 
of  Houndsditch  (a  perfect  hotbed  of  clients),  where  resided 
two  or  three  gentlemen  of  the  Jewish  persuasion,  who  had 
been  placed,  from  time  to  time,  under  considerable  obligations 
by  the  firm  of  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap,  in  respect  of  pro- 
fessional services  rendered  both  to  themselves  and  to  their 
friends.  One  of  them,  in  particular,  had  a  painful  conscious- 
ness that  it  was  in  old  Mr.  Quirk's  power  at  any  time,  by  a 
whisper,  to  place  his  neck  in  an  unsightly  noose  that  every 
now  and  then  might  be  seen  dangling  from  a  beam  opposite 
Debtor's  Door,  Newgate,  about  eight  o'clock  in  the  morning; 
him,  therefore,  every  consideration  of  interest  and  gratitude 
combined  to  render  subservient  to  the  reasonable  wishes  of 
Mr.  Quirk.  He  was  a  most  ingenious  little  fellow,  and  had 
a  great  taste  for  the  imitative  arts — so  strong  a  taste,  in  fact, 
that  it  had  once  or  twice  placed  him  in  some  jeopardy  with 
the  Goths  and  Vandals  of  the  law,  who  characterized  the 
noble  art  in  which  he  excelled  by  a  very  ugly  and  formidable 
word,  and  annexed  the  most  barbarous  penalties  to  its 
practice. 

What  passed  between  him  and  old  Quirk  on  the  occasion  of 
their  interviews,  I  know  not;  but  one  afternoon,  the  latter, 
on  returning  to  his  office  without  saying  anything  to  any- 
body, having  bolted  the  door,  took  out  of  his  pocket  several 
little  pieces  of  paper  containing  pretty  little  picturesque 
devices  of  a  fragmentary  character,  with  antique  letters  and 
figures  on  them — crumbling  pieces  of  stone,  some  looking 
more  and  some  less  sunk  in  the  ground,  and  overgrown  with 
grass.  After  he  had  looked  at  them  and  carefully  compared 
them  one  with  another  for  some  time,  he  folded  them  up 
in  a  sheet  of  paper,  sealed  it  up — with  certainly  not  the 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  137 

steadiest    hand   in    the  world — and  then  deposited  it  in  an 
iron  safe. 

As  it  happened,  all  these  nefarious  practices  came  to  naught, 
for  Mr.  Gammon  was  fortunate  enough  to  discover,  in  the 
churchyard  at  Yatton,  conclusive  testimony — in  the  shape  of 
just  such  a  looking  tombstone  as  he  had  imagined — of  the 
death  of  Harry  Dreddlington  before  his  father.  As  soon  as 
he  acquainted  Mr.  Quirk  of  the  finding  of  this  important 
piece  of  evidence,  that  gentleman,  devoutly  thanking  God  for 
His  goodness,  hurried  to  his  strong  box,  unlocked  it,  took 
out  a  small  package,  and  committed  it  to  the  flames. 


CHAPTER  XIII 

DESCRIBES  THE    TRIAL    IN   WHICH    THE  HERO  IS  PUT  IN  POS- 
SESSION OF  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR! 

THE  ancient  city  of  York  exhibited,  on  the  commission 
day  of  the  Spring  Assizes  for  the  year  18 — ,  the  usual  scene 
of  animation  and  excitement.  The  High  Sheriff,  attended 
by  an  imposing  retinue,  went  out  to  meet  the  Judges,  and 
escorted  them,  amidst  the  shrill  clangor  of  trumpets,  to  the 
Castle,  where  the  commission  was  opened  with  the  usual 
formalities.  The  Judges  were  Lord  Widdrington,  the  Lord 
Chief  Justice  of  the  King's  Bench,  and  Mr.  Justice  Grayley, 
a  puisne  judge  of  the  same  court.  Both  were  men  of  rigid 
integrity.  Lord  Widdrington,  however,  in  temper  was  stern, 
arbitrary,  and  overbearing,  and  his  manners  were  disfigured 
not  a  little  by  coarseness;  while  his  companion  was  a 
man  of  exemplary  amiability,  affability,  and  forbearance. 
Lord  Widdrington  presided  at  the  Civil  Court  (where,  of 
course,  would  come  on  the  important  cause  in  which 
we  are  interested),  and  Mr.  Justice  Grayley  in  the  Criminal 
Court. 

Soon  after  the  sitting  of  the  court,  on  the  ensuing  morn- 
ing— "  Will  your  Lordship  allow  me,"  rose  and  inquired  the 
sleek,  smiling,  and  portly  Mr.  Subtle,  dead  silence  prevailing 
as  soon  as  he  had  mentioned  the  name  of  the  cause  about 
which  he  was  inquiring,  "  to  call  your  attention  to  a  cause 
of  Doe  on  the  demise  of  Titmouse  v.  Jotter— a.  special  jury 
cause,  in  which  there  are  a  great  many  witnesses  to  be  ex- 
amined on  both  sides — and  to  ask  that  a  day  may  be  fixed 
for  it  to  come  on?" 

"Whom  do  you  appear  for,  Mr.  Subtle?"  inquired  his 
lordship. 

"  For  the  plaintiff,  my  lord." 

"And  who  appears  for  the  defendant?" 

"  The  Attorney-General  leads  for  the  defendant,  my  lord," 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  139 

replied  Mr.  Sterling,  who,  with  Mr.  Crystal,  was  also  retained 
for  the  defendant. 

"Well,  perhaps  you  can  agree  between  yourselves  upon  a 
day,  and  in  the  mean  time  similar  arrangements  may  be 
made  for  any  other  special  jury  causes  that  may  require  it." 
After  due  consultation,  Monday  week  ^vas  agreed  upon  by 
the  parties,  and  fixed  by  his  lordship,  for  the  trial  of  the 
cause. 

See,  then,  the  combatants  in  this  memorable  encounter  : 
for  Titmouse — Mr.  SUBTLE,  Mr.  QUICKSILVER,  Mr.  LYNX;  for 
Mr.  Aubrey — Mr.  ATTORNEY-GENERAL,  Mr.  STERLING,  Mr.  CRYS- 
TAL. 

Mr.  Parkinson,  being  most  unexpectedly  summoned  to  Gril- 
ston  quite  late  in  the  day  before  the  trial  in  order  to  send 
up  some  deeds  of  one  of  his  distinguished  clients  to  London 
for  the  purpose  of  immediately  effecting  a  mortgage,  set  off 
in  a  post-chaise,  at  top  speed,  in  a  very  unenviable  frame  of 
mind;  and  by  seven  o'clock  was  seated  in  his  office  at  Grilston, 
busily  turning  over  a  great  number  of  deeds  and  papers,  in  a 
large  tin  case,  when  he  happened  to  see  one  lying  at  the  very 
bottom,  which  he  had  not  before  observed.  It  was  not  a  large, 
but  an  old  deed — and  he  took  it  up  and  hastily  examined  it. 
The  deed  he  looked  at  bore  an  indorsement  of  the  name  of 
" Dreddlington"  After  a  hasty  glance  over  its  contents,  he 
tried  to  recollect  by  what  accident  a  document  belonging  to 
Mr.  Aubrey  could  have  found  its  way  into  the  box  containing 
Lord  Yelverton's  deeds;  and  it  at  length  occurred  to  him 
that,  about  a  twelvemonth  before,  Mr.  Aubrey  had  proposed 
advancing  several  thousand  pounds  to  Lord  Yelverton,  on 
mortgage  of  a  portion  of  his  lordship's  property — but  which 
negotiation  had  afterward  been  broken  off;  that  Mr.  Aubrey's 
title-deeds  happened  to  be  at  the  same  time  open  and  loose 
in  his  office — and  he  recollected  having  considerable  trouble 
in  separating  the  respective  documents  which  had  got  mixed 
together.  This  one,  after  all,  had  been  by  some  accident 
overlooked,  till  it  turned  up  in  this  most  timely  and  extra- 
ordinary manner ! 

Having  hastily  effected  the  object  which  had  brought  him 
back  to  Grilston,  he  ordered  a  post-chaise  and  four,  and  with- 
in a  quarter  of  an  hour  was  thundering  back,  at  top  speed, 
on  his  way  to  York,  which,  the  horses  reeking  and  foaming, 


i4o  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

he  reached  a  little  after  ten  o'clock.  He  jumped  out,  with 
the  precious  deed  in  his  pocket,  the  instant  that  his  chaise- 
door  was  opened,  and  ran  off,  without  saying  more  than 
"I'm  gone  to  the  Attorney-General's."  This  was  heard  by 
many  passers-by  and  persons  standing  round;  and  it  spread 
far  and  wide  that  something  of  the  utmost  importance  had 
transpired  with  reference  to  the  great  ejectment  cause  of 
Mr.  Aubrey.  Soon  afterward,  messengers  and  clerks,  belong- 
ing to  Mr.  Runnington  and  Mr.  Parkinson,  were  to  be  seen 
running  to  and  fro,  summoning  Mr.  Sterling,  Mr.  Crystal, 
Mr.  Mansfield,  and  also  Mr.  Aubrey,  to  an  immediate  con- 
sultation at  the  Attorney-General's. 

The  new-found  deed  which  had  occasioned  all  this  excite- 
ment was  a  deed  of  confirmation  by  old  Dreddlington,  the 
father  of  Harry  Dreddlington,  of  the  conveyance  by  the  latter 
to  Geoffry  Dreddlington,  who,  in  the  manner  already  mentioned 
to  the  reader,  had  got  an  assignment  of  that  conveyance 
to  himself.  After  the  Attorney-General  had  satisfied  himself 
as  to  the  account  to  be  given  of  the  deed — the  custody  from 
whence  it  came,  namely,  the  attorney  for  the  defendant ;  Mr. 
Parkinson  undertaking  to  swear,  without  any  hesitation, 
that  whatever  deeds  of  Mr.  Aubrey's  he  possessed,  he  had 
taken  from  the  muniment-room  at  Yatton — the  consultation 
broke  up.  Mr.  Aubrey,  on  hearing  the  nature  and  effect  of 
the  instrument  explained  by  the  Attorney-General  and  Mr. 
Mansfield,  and  all  his  counsel,  in  short,  concurring  in  opinion 
as  to  the  triumphant  effect  which  this  instrument  would  pro- 
duce on  the  morrow,  may  be  pardoned  for  regarding  it,  in 
the  excitement  of  the  moment,  as  almost  a  direct  interference 
of  Providence. 

As  the  castle  clock  finished  striking  nine  on  the  appointed 
morning,  Lord  Widdrington  took  his  seat,  and  the  swearing 
of  the  special  jury  commenced.  The  court  was  crowded 
almost  to  suffocation;  all  the  chief  places  being  filled  with 
persons  of  distinction  in  the  county.  The  bar  also  mustered 
in  great  force;  the  Crown  Court  being  quite  deserted,  altho 
a  great  murder  case  was  going  on  there.  The  Civil  Court 
was  on  the  present  occasion  the  point  of  attraction,  not 
only  on  account  of  the  interesting  nature  of  the  case  to  be 
tried,  but  of  the  keen  contest  that  was  expected  between  the 
Attorney-General  and  Mr.  Subtle.  The  former,  as  he  entered, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  141 

bowed  to  the  judge,  and  then  nodded  and  shook  hands  with 
several  of  the  counsel  nearest  to  him;  then  he  sat  down, 
and  opening  his  bag,  took  out  his  huge  brief,  and  began 
turning  over  its  leaves  with  a  calm  and  attentive  air,  occasion- 
ally turning  round  and  conversing  with  his  juniors.  Every 
one  present  observed  that  the  defendant's  counsel  and  at- 
torneys wore  the  confident  looks  of  winning  men;  while  their 
opponents,  quick-sighted  enough,  also  observed  the  circum- 
stance, and  looked,  on  that  account  alone,  a  shade  more 
anxious  than  when  they  had  entered  the  court.  Mr.  Subtle 
requested  Gammon,  whose  ability  he  had  soon  detected,  to 
sit  immediately  beneath  him;  next  to  Gammon  sat  Quirk, 
then  Snap,  and  beside  him  Mr.  Titmouse,  who  looked  exceed- 
ingly pale,  and  dared  hardly  interchange  a  word  with  even 
Snap,  who  was  just  as  irritable  and  excited  as  his  senior 
partners.  It  was  quickly  known  all  over  the  court  who  Tit- 
mouse was.  Mr.  Aubrey  scarcely  showed  himself  in  court  all 
clay,  tho  he  stood  at  the  door  near  the  bench,  and  could 
hear  all  that  passed ;  Lord  De  la  Zouch  and  one  or  two  per- 
sonal friends  standing  with  him,  engaged,  from  time  to  time, 
in  anxious  conversation. 

The  jury  having  been  sworn,  Mr.  Lynx  rose,  and  intimated 
the  nature  of  the  pleadings  in  the  cause.  The  Attorney -Gen- 
eral then  requested  that  all  the  witnesses  might  leave  the 
court.  As  soon  as  the  little  disturbance  occasioned  by  this 
move  had  ceased,  Mr.  Subtle  rose,  and  in  a  low  but  distinct 
tone  said,  "  May  it  please  your  Lordship — Gentlemen  of  the 
Jury  :  In  this  cause  I  have  the  honor  to  appear  before  you 
as  counsel  for  the  plaintiff;  and  it  now  becomes  my  duty  to 
state  as  briefly  as  I  can  the  nature  of  his  case.  It  is  im- 
possible, gentlemen,  not  to  notice  the  unusual  interest  excited 
by  the  cause;  and  which  may  be  accounted  for  by  the  very 
large  estates  in  this  county  which  are  sought  this  day  to  be 
transferred  to  a  comparative  stranger,  from  the  family  who 
have  long  enjoyed  them,  and  of  whom  I  am  anxious  to  say 
everything  respectful;  for  you  will  very  soon  find  that  the 
name  on  the  record  is  that  of  only  the  nominal  defendant; 
and,  altho  all  that  is  professed  to  be  this  day  sought  for,  is 
a  very  trifling  portion  of  the  property,  your  /erdict  will 
undoubtedly  decide  the  question  as  to  the  true  ownership 
and  enjoyment  of  the  large  estates  now  held  by  the  gentleman 


142  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

who  is  the  substantial  defendant — I  mean  Mr.  Aubrey,  the 
Member  of  Parliament  for  the  Borough  of  Yatton." 

Aware  of  the  watchful  and  formidable  opponent  who  would 
in  due  time  answer  him,  and  also  of  being  himself  entitled 
to  the  general  reply — to  the  last  word — Mr.  Subtle  proceeded 
to  state  the  nature  of  the  plaintiffs  case  with  the  utmost 
brevity  and  clearness.  Scarcely  any  sound  was  heard  but 
that  of  the  pens  of  the  shorthand  writers,  and  of  the  counsel 
taking  their  notes.  Mr.  Subtle,  having  handed  up  two  or 
three  copies  of  the  pedigree  which  he  held  in  his  hand  to  the 
judge  and  jury,  pointed  out  with  distinctness  and  pre- 
cision every  link  in  the  chain  of  evidence  which  he  intended 
to  lay  before  the  jury;  and  having  done  this — having  present- 
ed as  few  salient  points  of  attack  to  his  opponent  as  he 
possibly  could — he  sat  down,  professing  his  entire  ignorance 
of  what  case  could  be  set  up  in  answer  to  that  which  he  had 
opened. 

As  soon  as  he  sat  down,  Mr.  Quicksilver  rose  and  called  the 
first  witness.  "  We're  safe  !"  said  the  Attorney-General  to  Mr. 
Sterling  and  Mr.  Crystal,  with  his  hand  before  his  mouth, 
and  with  the  very  faintest  whisper  that  could  be  audible  to 
those  whom  he  addressed;  and  the  witness  having  been 
sworn,  they  all  resumed  their  seats  and  their  writing.  The 
first  and  the  subsequent  witness  established  one  or  two  pre- 
liminary and  formal  points — the  Attorney-General  scarcely 
rising  to  put  a  question  to  them.  The  third  witness  was 
examined  by  Mr.  Subtle  with  apparent  unconcern,  but  really 
with  exquisite  anxiety.  From  the  earnestness  and  attention 
with  which  the  words  of  the  witness  were  watched  and  taken 
down  by  both  the  judge  and  the  counsel,  who  knew  much 
better  than  the  audience  where  the  strain  of  the  case  com- 
menced, it  must  have  appeared  to  the  latter  that  either  Mr. 
Subtle  underestimated,  or  his  opponents  overestimated,  the 
value  of  the  evidence  now  in  process  of  being  extracted  by 
Mr.  Subtle,  in  short,  easy,  pointed  questions,  and  with  a 
smiling  unconcerned  countenance. 

"Not  so  fast,  sir,"  gruffly  interposed  Lord  Widdrington, 
addressing  the  witness. 

"Take  time,  Mr.  Jones,"  said  Mr.  Subtle  blandly,  fearful 
of  ruffling  or  discomposing  an  important  witness.  The  At- 
torney-General rose  to  cross-examine;  pressed  him  quietly 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  143 

but  closely;  varied  the  shape  of  his  questions;  now  he  soothed, 
then  he  startled  by  his  sternness;  but  sat  down,  evidently 
having  produced  no  impression.  Thus  it  was  with  one  or 
two  succeeding  witnesses ;  the  Attorney -General,  on  each  occa- 
sion, resuming  his  seat  after  his  abortive  efforts,  with  per- 
fect composure.  At  length,  however,  by  a  very  admirable 
and  well-sustained  fire  of  cross-questioning,  he  completely 
demolished  a  material  witness;  and  the  hopes  of  all  inter- 
ested in  behalf  of  his  clients  rose  high.  Mr.  Subtle,  who  had 
been  all  the  while  paring  his  nails,  and  from  time  to  time 
smiling  with  a  careless  air  (tho  you  might  as  safely  have 
touched  a  tigress  suckling  her  cubs,  as  attempted  at  that 
moment  to  disturb  him,  so  absorbed  was  he  with  intense 
anxiety),  believing  that  he  could  establish  the  same  facts  by 
another  and,  as  he  believed,  a  better  witness,  did  not  re- 
examine;  but  calling  that  other,  with  an  air  of  nonchalance, 
succeeded  in  extracting  from  him  all  that  the  other  had  failed 
in,  and  in  baffling  all  the  attempts  of  the  Attorney-General 
to  affect  his  credit  or  disturb  his  equanimity. 

The  tombstone  part  of  the  case  was  got  through  easily;  scarce 
any  attempt  being  made  on  the  part  of  Mr.  Aubrey's  counsel 
to  resist  or  interfere  with  it.  But  the  hottest  part  of  the  fight 
occurred  at  that  point  of  the  case  where  Titmouse's  descent 
from  Stephen  Dreddlington  was  sought  to  be  established. 
This  gentleman,  a  very  wild  person,  whose  movements  were 
very  difficult  to  be  traced,  had  entered  the  navy,  and  ulti- 
mately died  at  sea,  as  had  always  been  imagined,  single  and 
childless.  It  was  proved,  however,  that,  so  far  from  such  being 
the  case,  he  had  married  a  person  at  Portsmouth  of  inferior 
station ;  and  that  by  her  he  had  a  daughter,  only  two  years 
before  his  death.  Both  mother  and  daughter,  after  under- 
going great  privation,  removed  to  the  house  of  a  distant 
relative  in  Cumberland,  where  the  mother  afterward  died, 
leaving  her  daughter  only  fifteen  years  old.  When  she  grew 
up,  she  lived  in  some  menial  capacity  in  Cumberland,  and 
ultimately  married  one  Gabriel  Tittlebat  Titmouse;  who, 
after  living  for  some  years  a  cordwainer  at  Whitehaven,  found 
his  way  to  Grilston,  in  Yorkshire,  in  the  neighborhood  of 
which  town  he  had  lived  for  some  years,  in  very  humble  cir- 
cumstances. There  he  had  married;  and  about  two  years 
afterward  his  wife  died,  leaving  a  son — our  friend  Tittlebat 


I44  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Titmouse.  Both  of  them  afterward  came  to  London ;  where, 
in  four  or  five  years'  time,  the  father  died,  leaving"  the  little 
Titmouse  to  flutter  and  hop  about  in  the  wide  world  as  best 
he  could. 

During  the  whole  of  this  part  of  the  case  Mr.  Gammon 
had  evinced  his  deep  anxiety,  and  at  a  particular  point — 
perhaps  the  crisis — his  agitation  was  excessive;  yet  it  was 
almost  entirely  concealed  by  his  remarkable  self-control.  The 
little  documentary  evidence  of  which  Gammon,  at  his  first 
interview  with  Titmouse,  found  him  possessed,  proved  at  the 
trial,  as  Gammon  had  foreseen,  of  great  importance.  The 
evidence  in  support  of  this  part  of  the  case,  and  which  it 
took  till  two  o'clock  on  the  ensuing  afternoon  to  get  through, 
was  subjected  to  a  most  determined  and  skilful  opposition 
by  the  Attorney-General,  but  in  vain.  The  case  had  been  got 
up  with  the  utmost  care,  under  the  excellent  management  of 
Lynx;  and  Mr.  Subtle's  consummate  tact  and  ability  brought 
it,  at  length,  fully  and  distinctly  out  before  the  jury. 

"  That,  my  lord,"  said  he,  as  he  sat  down  after  re-examining 
his  last  witness,  "is  the  case  on  the  part  of  the  plaintiff." 

The  Attorney -General  then  opened  the  defendant's  case. 
After  a  graceful  allusion  to  the  distinguished  character  of 
his  friend  and  client,  Mr.  Aubrey  (to  whose  eminent  position 
in  the  House  of  Commons  he  bore  his  personal  testimony), 
and  to  the  magnitude  of  the  interest  now  at  stake,  he  pro- 
ceeded :  "  On  every  account,  therefore,  I  feel  sensible,  gentle- 
men, to  an  unusual  and  most  painful  extent,  of  the  very  great 
responsibility  now  resting  upon  my  learned  friends  and  my- 
self; lest  any  miscarriage  of  mine  should  prejudice  in  any 
degree  the  important  interests  committed  to  us,  or  impair 
the  strength  of  the  case  which  I  am  about  to  submit  to  you 
on  the  part  of  Mr.  Aubrey  :  a  case  which,  I  assure  you,  unless 
some  extraordinary  mischance  should  befall  us,  will  I  believe 
annihilate  that  which  with  so  much  pains,  so  much  tact,  and 
so  much  ability,  has  just  been  laid  before  you  by  my  learned 
friend  Mr.  Subtle;  and  establish  the  defendant  in  the  safe 
possession  of  that  large  property  which  is  the  subject  of  the 
present  most  extraordinary  and  unexpected  litigation.  But, 
gentlemen,  before  proceeding  so  far  as  that,  it  is  fitting  that 
I  should  call  your  attention  to  the  nature  of  the  case  set 
up  on  the  part  of  the  plaintiff,  and  the  sort  of  evidence  by 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  145 

which  it  has  been  attempted  to  be  supported ;  and  I  am  very 
sanguine  of  being  successful  in  showing  you  that  the  plaintiff's 
witnesses  are  not  entitled  to  the  credit  to  which  they  lay 
claim ;  and,  consequently,  that  there  is  no  case  made  out  for 
the  defendant  to  answer." 

He  then  entered  into  a  rigorous  analysis  of  the  plaintiff's 
evidence,  contrasting  each  conflicting  portion  with  the  other 
with  singular  force  and  cogency ;  and  commenting  with  power- 
ful severity  upon  the  demeanor  and  character  of  many  of 
the  witnesses.  On  proceeding,  at  length,  to  open  the  case 
of  the  defendant — "  And  here,  gentlemen,"  said  he,  "  I  am 
reminded  of  the  observation  with  which  my  learned  friend 
concluded — that  he  was  entirely  ignorant  of  the  case  which 
we  meant  to  set  up  in  answer  to  that  which  he  had  opened 
on  the  part  of  the  plaintiff.  Gentlemen,  it  would  have  been 
curious,  indeed,  had  it  been  otherwise — had  my  friend's 
penetrating  eye  been  able  to  inspect  the  contents  of  our 
strong-box — and  so  become  acquainted  with  the  evidence  on 
which  my  client  rests  his  title  to  the  property  now  in  dispute. 
He  has,  however,  succeeded  in  entitling  himself  to  information 
on  that  point;  and  he  shall  have  it — and  to  his  heart's  con- 
tent." Here  Mr.  Subtle  cast  a  glance  of  smiling  incredulity 
toward  the  jury,  and  defiance  toward  the  Attorney-General, 
"I  will  now  concede  to  my  learned  friend  every  inch  of  the 
case  which  he  has  been  endeavoring  to  make  out;  that  he 
has  completely  established  his  pedigree.  Mind,  gentlemen,  I 
concede  this  only  for  the  purpose  of  the  case  which  I  am 
about  to  lay  before  you."  He  then  mentioned  the  conveyance 

by  Harry  Dreddlington  of  all  his  interest "You  forget 

that  he  died  in  his  father's  lifetime,  Mr.  Attorney-General," 
interposed  Mr.  Subtle,  with  a  placid  smile,  and  the  air  of  a 
man  who  is  suddenly  relieved  from  a  vast  pressure  of  anxiety. 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it,  gentlemen,  not  a  bit  of  it — 'tis  a  part  of 
my  case.  My  learned  friend  is  quite  right ;  Harry  Dreddling- 
ton did  die  in  his  father's  lifetime  :— but "  Here  Mr.  Subtle 

gazed  at  the  Attorney-General  with  unaffected  curiosity ;  and, 
when  the  latter  came  to  mention  "  the  deed  of  confirmation 
by  the  father  of  Harry  Dreddlington,"  an  acute  observer  might 
have  observed  a  slight  change  of  color  in  Mr.  Subtle.  Mr. 
Quicksilver  went  on  writing — for  he  was  entirely  out  of  his 
depth,  and  therefore  occupied  himself  with  thinking  over  an 
10 


146  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

article  he  was  writing  for  some  political  review.  Mr.  Lynx 
looked  at  the  Attorney -General  as  if  he  expected  every  instant 
to  receive  a  musket-ball  in  his  breast. 

"What,  '  confirm!  a  nullity,  Mr.  Attorney  -General  ?"  inter- 
rupted Mr.  Subtle,  laying  down  his  pen  with  a  smile  of 
derision;  but  a  moment  or  two  afterward,  "Mr.  Mortmain," 
said  he,  in  a  hasty  whisper,  "what  do  you  think  of  this? 
Tell  me — in  four  words — "  The  conveyancer,  his  eye  glued  to 
the  face  of  the  Attorney-General  the  while,  muttered  hastily 
something  about — operating  as  a  new  grant — as  a  new  con- 
veyance. 

"Pshaw!  I  mean  what's  the  answer  to  it?"  muttered  Mr. 
Subtle  impatiently;  but  his  countenance  preserved  its  ex- 
pression of  smiling  nonchalance.  "You  will  oblige  me,  Mr. 
Mortmain,"  he  by-and-by  whispered,  in  a  quiet  but  peremp- 
tory tone,  "  by  giving  your  utmost  attention  to  the  question 
as  to  the  effect  of  this  deed — so  that  I  may  shape  my  objec- 
tion to  it  properly  when  it  is  tendered  in  evidence.  If  it 
really  have  the  legal  effect  attributed  to  it,  and  which  I  sus- 
pect is  the  case,  we  may  as  well  shut  up  our  briefs.  I  thought 
there  must  be  some  such  cursed  point  or  other  in  the  back- 
ground." 

Gammon  saw  the  real  state  of  Mr.  Subtle's  mind,  and  his 
cheek  turned  pale,  but  he  preserved  a  smile  on  his  countenance, 
as  he  sat  with  his  arms  folded.  Quirk  eyed  him  with  undis- 
guised agitation,  scarce  daring  to  look  up  at  Mr.  Subtle. 
Titmouse,  seeing  a  little  dismay  in  his  camp,  turned  very 
white  and  cold,  and  sat  still,  scarce  daring  to  breathe ;  while 
Snap  looked  like  a  terrier  going  to  have  its  teeth  pulled  out. 

At  length  the  Attorney -General,  after  stating  that,  in  addi- 
tion to  the  case  which  he  had  intimated,  as  resting  mainly 
on  the  deed  of  confirmation,  he  should  proceed  to  prove  the 
pedigree  of  Mr.  Aubrey,  sat  down,  having  spoken  about  two 
hours  and  a  half,  expressing  his  conviction  that  when  the  de- 
fendant's evidence  should  have  been  closed,  the  jury,  under  his 
Lordship's  direction,  would  return  a  verdict  for  the  defendant; 
and  that,  too,  without  leaving  the  jury-box,  where,  by  their 
long  and  patient  attention,  they  had  so  honorably  acquitted 
themselves  of  the  important  duty  imposed  upon  them  by 
the  constitution. 

"  James  Parkinson ! "  exclaimed  Mr.   Sterling,   quietly  but 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  147 

distinctly  as  the  Attorney -General  sat  down.  "You  are  the 
attorney  for  the  defendant?"  inquired  Mr.  Sterling,  as  soon 
as  the  witness  had  been  sworn.  "  Do  you  produce  a  convey- 
ance between  Harry  Dreddlington  and  Moses  Aaron?"  etc. 
(specifying  it.)  It  was  proved  and  put  in,  without  much 
opposition.  So  also  was — the  assignment  from  Moses  Aaron 
to  Geoffry  Dreddlington. 

"  Do  you  also  produce  a  deed  between  Harry  Dreddlington 
the  elder  and  Geoffry  Dreddlington?"  and  he  mentioned  the 
date  and  names  of  all  the  parties.  Mr.  Parkinson  handed 
in  the  important  document. 

"Stay,  stay;  where  did  you  get  that  deed,  Mr.  Parkinson?" 
inquired  Mr.  Subtle  sharply,  extending  his  hand  for  the  deed. 

"  From  my  office  at  Grilston,  where  I  keep  many  of  Mr. 
Aubrey's  title-deeds." 

"When  did  you  bring  it  hither?" 

"  About  ten  o'clock  last  night,  for  the  purpose  of  this  trial." 

"How  long  has  it  been  at  your  office?" 

"Ever  since  I  fetched  it,  a  year  or  two  ago,  with  other 
deeds,  from  the  muniment-room  of  Yatton  Hall." 

"How  long  have  you  been  solicitor  to  Mr.  Aubrey?" 

"  For  this  ten  years,  and  my  father  was  solicitor  to  his 
father  for  twenty-five  years." 

"Will  you  swear  that  this  deed  was  in  your  office  before 
the  proceedings  in  this  action  were  brought  to  your  notice?" 

"  I  have  not  the  slightest  doubt  in  the  world." 

"That  does  not  satisfy  me,  sir.  Will  you  swear  that  it 
was?" 

"  I  will,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Parkinson  firmly.  "  It  never  at- 
tracted any  more  notice  from  me  than  any  other  of  Mr.  Au- 
brey's deeds,  till  my  attention  was  drawn  to  it  in  consequence 
of  these  proceedings." 

"  Has  any  one  access  to  Mr.  Aubrey's  deeds  at  your  office 
but  yourself?" 

"  None  that  I  know  of;  I  keep  all  the  deeds  of  my  clients 
that  are  at  my  office  in  their  respective  boxes,  and  allow  no 
one  access  to  them ;  except  under  my  immediate  notice,  and 
in  my  presence." 

Then  Mr.  Subtle  sat  down. 

"My  lord,  we  now  propose  to  put  in  this  deed,"  said  the 
Attorney-General,  unfolding  it. 


i48  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Allow  me  to  look  at  it,  Mr.  Attorney,"  said  Mr.  Subtle. 
It  was  handed  to  him;  and  he,  his  juniors,  and  Mr.  Mort- 
main, rising  up,  were  engaged  most  anxiously  in  scrutinizing 
it  for  some  minutes.  Mortmain  having  looked  at  the  stamp, 
sat  down,  and  opening  his  bag  hastily  drew  out  an  old  well- 
worn  volume,  which  contained  all  the  stamp  acts  that  had 
ever  been  passed  from  the  time  of  William  the  Third,  when, 
I  believe,  the  first  of  those  blessings  was  conferred  upon  this 
country.  First  he  looked  at  the  deed — then  at  his  book — 
then  at  the  deed  again;  and  at  length  might  be  seen  with 
earnest  gestures,  putting  Mr.  Subtle  in  possession  of  his 
opinion  on  the  subject.  "  My  Lord,"  said  Mr.  Subtle  after  a 
pause,  "  I  object  to  this  instrument  being  received  as  evidence, 
on  account  of  the  insufficiency  of  the  stamp."  This  produced 
quite  a  sensation  in  court.  Mr.  Subtle  then  proceeded  to 
mention  the  character  of  the  stamp  affixed  to  the  deed,  and 
read  the  act  which  was  in  force  at  the  time  that  the  deed 
bore  date ;  and  after  a  few  additional  observations,  sat  down, 
and  was  followed  by  Mr.  Quicksilver  and  Mr.  Lynx.  Then 
arose  the  Attorney -General,  having  in  the  mean  time  care- 
fully looked  at  the  Act  of  Parliament,  and  submitted  to  his 
Lordship  that  the  stamp  was  sufficient;  being  followed  by 
his  juniors.  Mr.  Subtle  replied  at  some  length. 

"I  certainly  entertain  some  difficulty  on  the  point,"  said 
his  Lordship,  "and  will  mention  the  matter  to  my  brother 
Grayley."  Taking  with  him  the  deed,  and  Mr.  Mortmain's 
Stamp  Acts,  his  lordship  left  the  court,  and  was  absent  a 
quarter  of  an  hour — half  an  hour — three  quarters  of  an  hour ; 
and  at  length  returned. 

"I  have  consulted,"  said  he,  as  soon  as  he  had  taken  his 
seat,  amidst  the  profoundest  silence,  "my  brother  Grayley, 
and  we  have  very  fully  considered  the  point.  My  brother 
happens,  fortunately,  to  have  by  him  a  manuscript  note  of  a 
case  in  which  he  was  counsel,  about  eighteen  years  ago,  and 
in  which  the  exact  point  arose  which  exists  in  the  present 
case."  He  then  read  out  of  a  thick  manuscript  book,  which 
he  had  brought  with  him  from  Mr.  Justice  Grayley,  the  par- 
ticulars of  the  case  alluded  to,  and  which  was  certainly  almost 
precisely  similar  to  those  then  before  the  court.  In  the  case 
referred  to,  the  stamp  had  been  held  sufficient;  and  so,  his 
Lordship  and  his  brother  Grayley  were  of  opinion,  was  the 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  149 

stamp  in  the  deed  then  before  him.  The  cloud  which  had 
settled  upon  the  countenances  of  the  Attorney-General  and 
his  party,  here  flitted  over  to  and  settled  upon  those  of  his 
opponents.  "  Your  Lordship  will  perhaps  take  a  note  of  the 
objection,"  said  Mr.  Subtle,  somewhat  chagrined.  Lord  Wid- 
drington  nodded,  and  immediately  made  the  requisite  entry 
in  his  notes. 

"  Now,  then,  we  propose  to  put  in  and  read  this  deed,"  said 
the  Attorney-General,  with  a  smile  of  suppressed  triumph, 
holding  out  his  hand  toward  Mr.  Lynx,  who  was  spelling 
over  it  very  eagerly — "I  presume  my  learned  friend  will  re- 
quire only  the  operative  parts  to  be  read" — here  Lynx,  with 
some  excitement,  called  his  leader's  attention  to  something 
which  had  occurred  to  him  in  the  deed  :  up  got  Quicksilver 
and  Mortmain;  and  presently 

"  Not  quite  so  fast,  Mr.  Attorney,  if  you  please,"  said  Mr. 
Subtle  with  a  little  elation  of  manner — "  I  have  another,  and 
I  apprehend  a  clearly  fatal  objection  to  the  admissibility  of 
this  deed,  till  my  learned  friend  shall  have  accounted  for  an 
ERASURE — 

"Erasure!"  echoed  the  Attorney-General  with  much  sur- 
prise— "Allow  me  to  see  the  deed;"  and  he  took  it  with  an 
incredulous  smile,  which,  however,  disappeared  as  he  looked 
more  and  more  closely  at  the  instrument :  Mr.  Sterling,  Mr. 
Crystal,  and  Mr.  Mansfield  also  looking  extremely  serious. 

"  I've  hit  them  now"  said  Mr.  Subtle  to  those  behind  him, 
as  he  leaned  back,  and  looked  with  no  little  triumph  at  his 
opponents — "by  Jove! — was  there  ever  anything  so  lucky  in 
this  world  before?"  From  what  apparently  inadequate  and 
trifling  causes  often  flow  great  results !  The  plain  fact  of 
the  case  was  merely  this :  The  attorney's  clerk,  in  copying 
out  the  deed,  which  was  one  of  considerable  length,  had  writ- 
ten four  or  five  words  by  mistake ;  and  fearing  to  exasperate 
his  master  by  rendering  necessary  a  new  deed  and  stamp, 
and  occasioning  trouble  and  delay,  neatly  scratched  out  the 
erroneous  words,  and  over  the  erasure  wrote  the  correct  ones. 
As  he  was  the  party  who  was  entrusted  with  seeing  to  and 
witnessing  the  execution  of  the  instrument,  he  of  course  took 
no  notice  of  the  alteration,  and— see  the  result !  The  owner- 
ship of  an  estate  of  ten  thousand  a  year  about  to  turn  upon 
the  effect  of  this  erasure  ! 


150  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Hand  me  up  the  deed,"  said  the  Judge;  and  inspected 
it  minutely  for  a  minute  or  two. 

"Has  any  one  a  magnifying-glass  in  court?"  inquired  the 
Attorney-General,  with  a  look  of  increasing  anxiety.  No  one 
happened  to  have  one. 

"Is  it  necessary,  Mr.  Attorney?"  said  Lord  Widdrington, 
handing  down  the  instrument  to  him  with  an  ominous  look. 

"  Well — you  object,  of  course,  Mr.  Subtle — as  I  understand 
you— that  this  deed  is  void,  on  account  of  an  erasure  in  a 
material  part  of  it?"  inquired  Lord  Widdrington. 

"That  is  my  objection,  my  lord,"  said  Mr.  Subtle,  sitting 
down. 

"Now,  Mr.  Attorney,"  continued  the  judge,  turning  to 
the  Attorney-General,  prepared  to  take  note  of  any  obser- 
vations he  might  offer.  The  spectators,  the  whole  court — 
were  aware  that  the  great  crisis  of  the  case  had  arrived ;  and 
there  was  a  sickening  silence.  The  Attorney-General,  with 
perfect  calmness  and  self-possession,  immediately  addressed 
the  court  in  answer  to  the  objection.  That  there  was  an 
erasure,  which,  owing  to  the  hurry  with  which  the  instru- 
ment had  been  looked  at,  had  been  overlooked,  was  indis- 
putable; of  course  the  Attorney-General's  argument  was 
that  it  was  an  erasure  in  a  part  not  material ;  but  it  was  easy 
to  see  that  he  spoke  with  the  air  of  a  man  who  argues  contra 
spem.  What  he  said,  however,  was  pertinent  and  forcible; 
the  same  might  be  said  of  Mr.  Sterling  and  Mr.  Crystal;  but 
they  were  all  plainly  graveled.  Mr.  Subtle  replied  with  cruel 
cogency;  after  which  Lynx  rose,  and  in  a  business-like  way, 
with  only  a  word  or  two,  put  the  point  again  fully  before 
Lord  Widdrington. 

"  Well,"  said  Lord  Widdrington,  when  Mr.  Lynx  had  done, 
"I  own  I  feel  no  doubt  at  all  upon  the  matter;  but  as  it  is 
certainly  of  the  greatest  possible  importance,  I  will  just  see 
how  it  strikes  my  brother  Grayley."  With  this  he  took  the 
deed  in  his  hand  and  quitted  the  court.  He  touched  Mr. 
Aubrey,  in  passing  to  his  private  room,  holding  the  deed  be- 
fore him.  After  an  absence  of  about  ten  minutes,  Lord  Wid- 
drington returned. 

"Silence!  silence  there!"  bawled  the  crier;  and  the  bustle 
had  soon  subsided  into  profound  silence. 

"  I  entertain  no  doubt,  nor  does  my  brother  Grayley,"  said 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  151 

Lord  Widdrington,  "  that  I  ought  not  to  receive  this  deed  in 
evidence,  without  accounting  for  an  erasure  occurring  in  a 
clearly  essential  part  of  it.  Unless,  therefore,  you  are  pre- 
pared, Mr.  Attorney,  with  any  evidence  as  to  this  point,  I 
shall  not  receive  the  deed." 

There  was  a  faint  buzz  all  over  the  court — a  buzz  of  excite- 
ment, anxiety,  and  disappointment.  The  Attorney-General 
consulted  for  a  moment  or  two  with  his  friends. 

"Undoubtedly,  rny  lord,  we  are  not  prepared  with  any 
evidence  to  explain  an  appearance  which  has  taken  us  en- 
tirely by  surprise.  After  this  length  of  time,  my  lord,  of 
course — 

''Certainly — it  is  a  great  misfortune  for  the  parties — a 
great  misfortune.  Of  course  you  tender  the  deed  in  evi- 
dence?" he  continued,  taking  a  note. 

"  We  do,  my  lord,  certainly." 

You  should  have  seen  the  faces  of  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon, 
and  Snap,  as  they  looked  at  Mr.  Parkinson,  with  an  agi- 
tated air,  returning  the  rejected  deed  to  the  bag  from  which 
it  had  been  lately  taken  with  so  confident  and  triumphant 
an  air! — The  remainder  of  the  case,  which  had  been  opened 
by  the  Attorney-General  on  behalf  of  Mr.  Aubrey,  was  then 
proceeded  with  :  but  in  spite  of  all  their  assumed  calmness, 
the  disappointment  and  distress  of  his  counsel  were  percep- 
tible to  all.  They  were  now  dejected — they  felt  that  the 
cause  was  lost,  unless  some  extraordinary  good  fortune 
should  yet  befall  them.  They  were  not  long  in  establishing 
the  descent  of  Mr.  Aubrey  from  Geoffry  Dreddlington.  It  was 
necessary  to  do  so;  for,  grievously  as  they  had  been  disap- 
pointed in  failing  to  establish  the  title  paramount,  founded 
upon  the  deed  of  confirmation  of  Mr.  Aubrey,  it  was  yet 
an  important  question  for  the  jury  whether  they  believed 
the  evidence  adduced  by  the  plaintiff  to  show  title  in  him- 
self. 

"That,  my  lord,  is  the  defendant's  case,"  said  the  At- 
torney-General, as  his  last  witness  left  the  box ;  and  Mr. 
Subtle  then  rose  to  reply.  He  felt  how  unpopular  was  his 
cause;  that  almost  every  countenance  around  him  bore  a 
hostile  expression.  Privately,  he  loathed  his  case  when  he 
saw  the  sort  of  person  for  whom  he  was  struggling.  All  his 
sympathies — for  he  was  a  very  proud,  haughty  man — were 


1 52  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

on  behalf  of  Mr.  Aubrey,  whom  by  name  and  reputation  he 
well  knew;  with  whom  he  had  often  sat  in  the  House  of 
Commons.  Now,  conspicuous  before  him,  sat  his  little 
monkey-client,  Titmouse — a  ridiculous  object,  and  calculated 
if  there  were  any  scope  for  the  influence  of  prejudice,  to 
ruin  his  own  cause  by  the  exhibition  of  himself  before  the 
jury.  But  Mr.  Subtle  was  a  high-minded  English  advocate; 
and  if  he  had  seen  Miss  Aubrey  in  all  her  loveliness,  and  knew 
her  all  depended  upon  any  exertions  he  could  make  for  her, 
he  could  hardly  have  exerted  himself  more  successfully  than 
he  did  on  the  present  occasion  against  her. 

And  such,  at  length,  was  the  effect  which  that  exquisitely 
skilful  advocate  produced,  in  his  address  to  the  jury,  that 
he  began  to  bring  about  a  change  in  the  feelings  of  most 
around  him  :  even  the  eye  of  scornful  beauty  began  to  direct 
fewer  glances  of  indignation  and  disgust  upon  Titmouse,  as 
Mr.  Subtle's  irresistible  rhetoric  drew  upon  their  sympathies 
in  his  behalf.  "  My  learned  friend,  the  Attorney-General,  gentle- 
men, dropped  one  or  two  expressions  of  a  somewhat  dispara- 
ging tendency,  in  alluding  to  my  client,  Mr.  Titmouse;  and 
shadowed  forth  a  disadvantageous  contrast  between  the 
obscure  and  ignorant  plaintiff,  and  the  gifted  defendant. 
Good  God,  gentlemen !  and  is  my  humble  client's  misfortune 
to  become  his  fault?  If  he  be  obscure  and  ignorant,  un- 
acquainted with  the  usages  of  society,  deprived  of  the  blessings 
of  a  superior  education — if  he  have  contracted  vulgarity, 
•whose  fault  is  it? — Who  has  occasioned  it?  Who  plunged 
him  and  his  parents  before  him  into  an  unjust  poverty  and 
obscurity,  from  which  Providence  is  about  this  day  to  rescue 
him,  and  put  him  in  possession  of  his  own?  Gentlemen,  if 
topics  like  these  must  be  introduced  into  this  case,  I  ask 
you  who  is  accountable  for  the  present  condition  of  my 
unfortunate  client?  Is  he,  or  are  those  who  have  been,  per- 
haps unconsciously,  but  still  unjustly,  so  long  reveling  in 
the  wealth  that  is  his  ?  Gentlemen,  in  the  name  of  every- 
thing that  is  manly  and  generous,  I  challenge  your  sym- 
pathy, your  commiseration,  for  my  client." 

Here  Titmouse,  who  had  been  staring  up  open-mouthed 
for  some  time  at  his  eloquent  advocate,  and  could  be  kept 
quiet  no  longer  by  the  most  vehement  efforts  of  Messrs. 
Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap,  rose  up  in  an  excited  manner, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A   YEAR  153 

exclaiming,  "  Bravo  !  bravo,  bravo,  sir  !  'Pon  my  life,  capital ! 
It's  quite  true — bravo!  bravo!" 

His  astounded  advocate  paused  at  this  unprecedented  inter- 
ruption. "Take  the  puppy  out  of  court,  sir,  or  I  will  not 
utter  one  word  more,"  said  he  in  a  fierce  whisper  to  Mr. 
Gammon. 

"Who  is  that?  Leave  the  court,  sir!  Your  conduct  is 
most  indecent,  sir !  I  have  a  great  mind  to  commit  you, 
sir!"  said  Lord  Widdrington,  directing  an  awful  look  down 
to  the  offender,  who  had  turned  of  a  ghastly  whiteness. 

"  Have  mercy  upon  me,  my  lord !  I'll  never  do  it  again," 
he  groaned,  clasping  his  hands,  and  verily  believing  that  Lord 
Widdrington  was  going  to  take  the  estate  away  from  him. 

Snap  at  length  succeeded  in  getting  him  out  of  court,  and 
after  the  excitement  occasioned  by  this  irregular  interruption 
had  subsided,  Mr.  Subtle  resumed  : 

"Gentlemen,"  said  he  in  a  low  tone,  "I  perceive  that  you 
are  moved  by  this  little  incident;  and  it  is  characteristic  of 
your  superior  feelings.  Inferior  persons,  destitute  of  sensi- 
bility or  refinement,  might  have  smiled  at  eccentricities  which 
occasion  you  only  feelings  of  greater  commiseration.  I  pro- 
test, gentlemen —  His  voice  trembled  for  a  moment,  but  he 
soon  resumed  his  self-possession;  and,  after  a  long  and  ad- 
mirable address,  sat  down  confident  of  the  verdict. 

"If  we  lose  the  verdict,  sir,"  said  he,  bending  down  and 
whispering  into  the  ear  of  Gammon,  "we  may  thank  that 
execrable  little  puppy  for  it."  Gammon  changed  color,  but 
made  no  reply. 

Lord  W'iddrington  summed  up  the  case  to  the  jury,  with 
his  usual  care  and  perspicacity.  Both  judge  and  jury  then 
retired.  Candles  were  lit  in  the  court,  which  continued 
crowded  to  suffocation.  Few  doubted  which  way  the  verdict 
would  go.  Fatigued  as  must  have  been  most  of  the  specta- 
tors with  a  two-days'  confinement  and  excitement,  scarce  a 
person  thought  of  quitting  till  the  verdict  had  been  pro- 
nounced. After  an  hour  and  a  half's  absence,  a  cry  was 
heard — "  Clear  the  way  for  the  jury,"  and  one  or  two  officers, 
with  their  wands,  obeyed  the  directions.  As  the  jury  were 
re-entering  their  box,  struggling  with  a  little  difficulty 
through  the  crowd,  Lord  Widdrington  resumed  his  seat  upon 
the  bench. 


154  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Gentlemen  of  the  jury,"  inquired  the  associate,  "are  you 
agreed  upon  the  verdict?  Do  you  find  your  verdict  for  the 
plaintiff,  or  for  the  defendant?" 

"FOR  THE  PLAINTIFF,"  replied  the  foreman;  on  which  the 
officer,  amidst  a  kind  of  blank  dismayed  silence,  making  at 
the  same  time  some  hieroglyphics  upon  the  record,  muttered — 
"  Verdict  for  the  plaintiff. — Damages,  one  shilling.  Costs,  forty 
shillings;"  while  another  functionary  bawled  out,  amidst  the 
increasing  buzz  in  the  court,  "  Have  the  goodness  to  wait, 
gentlemen  of  the  jury.  You  will  be  paid  immediately."  \Vhere- 
upon  to  the  disgust  and  indignation  of  the  unlearned  spec- 
tators, and  the  astonishment  of  some  of  the  gentlemen  of 
the  jury  themselves — many  of  them  the  very  first  men  of  the 
county — Snap  jumped  up  on  the  form,  pulled  out  his  purse 
with  an  air  of  exultation,  and  proceeded  to  remunerate  Sir 
Godolphin  Fitzherbert  and  his  companions  with  the  sum  of 
two  guineas  each.  Proclamation  was  then  made,  and  the 
court  adjourned  till  the  next  morning. 

As  soon  as  Titmouse  had  been  ejected  from  the  court,  he 
began  to  cry  bitterly,  wringing  his  hands,  and  asking  every 
one  about  him  if  he  thought  he  could  get  in  again,  because 
it  was  his  case  that  was  going  on.  His  eyes  were  red  and 
swollen  with  weeping ;  and  his  little  breast  throbbed  violently 
as  he  walked  from  one  door  of  the  court  to  the  other.  He 
made  many  ineffectual  attempts  to  persuade  the  doorkeeper, 
who  had  assisted  in  his  extrusion,  to  readmit  him;  but  the 
incorruptible  janitor  was  proof  against  a  sixpence — even 
against  a  shilling;  and  at  length  Titmouse  gave  himself  up 
to  despair,  for  consider  what  a  horrid  interval  of  suspense 
he  had  to  endure,  from  the  closing  of  Mr.  Subtle's  speech 
till  the  delivery  of  the  verdict.  But  at  length,  through  this 
portentous  and  apparently  impenetrable  cloud  burst  the  rich 
sunlight  of  success. 

"Mr.  Titmouse!— Mr.  Titmouse ! —Mr.  Tit " 

The  voice  that  called  him  was  a  blessed  voice — a  familiar 
voice — the  voice  of  Mr.  Gammon.  In  a  moment  or  two  Mr. 
Gammon  had  grasped  both  Mr.  Titmouse's  hands.  "My 
dear,  dear  Mr.  Titmouse,  I  congratulate  you !  You  are  vic- 
torious !  God  grant  you  long  life  to  enjoy  your  fortune ! 
God  bless  you,  Titmouse!"  Mr.  Titmouse  had  gone  very 
white,  and  for  a  while  spoke  not,  but  stood  staring  at  Mr. 


1  congratulate  ^ 
Vou  Are  victorious' 


156  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Gammon,  as  if  he  was  hardly  aware  of  the  importance  of  his 
communication . 

"I've  really  won?  It  a'n't  a  joke  or  a  dream?"  inquired 
Titmouse  with  quickly  increasing  excitement,  and  a  joyous 
expression  bursting  over  his  features,  which  became  suddenly 
flushed. 

"A  joke? — the  best  you'll  ever  have.  A  dream? — that  will 
last  your  life.  Thank  God,  Mr.  Titmouse,  the  battle's  ours; 
we've  defeated  all  their  villainy ! " 

"  Tol  de  rol !  Tol  de  rol !  Tol  de  lol,  lol,  lol,  rido  !-Ah !" 
he  added  in  a  loud  truculent  tone  as  Lord  De  la  Zouch  and 
Mr.  Aubrey  slowly  passed  him — "Done  for,  you  know — 'pon 
my  life! — turned  the  tables! — that  for  you!"  said  he,  snap- 
ping his  fingers. 

"Aubrey,  it's  against  you — all  is  lost;  the  verdict  is  for 
the  plaintiff!"  said  Lord  De  la  Zouch  in  a  hurried,  agitated 
whisper,  as  he  grasped  the  hand  of  Mr,  Aubrey,  whom  he 
had  quitted  for  an  instant  to  hear  the  verdict  pronounced. 
Mr.  Aubrey  for  some  moments  spoke  not. 

"God's  will  be  done!"  at  length  said  he  in  a  low  tone,  or 
rather  in  a  faint  murmur.  More  than  a  dozen  gentlemen, 
who  came  crowding  out,  grasped  his  hand  with  great  energy 
and  vehemence. 

"God  bless  you,  Aubrey!  God  bless  you!"  said  several 
voices,  their  speakers  wringing  his  hand  with  great  vehe- 
mence as  they  spoke. 

"  Let  us  go,"  said  Lord  De  la  Zouch,  putting  Mr.  Aubrey's 
arm  in  his  own,  and  leading  him  away  from  a  scene  of  dis- 
tressing excitement,  too  powerful  for  his  exhausted  feelings. 

They  walked  on  for  some  time  in  silence.  Soon  afterward 
they  parted — for  Lord  De  la  Zouch  perceived  that  his  unfor- 
tunate companion  wished  to  be  alone.  He  wrung  Mr.  Au- 
brey's hands  in  silence,  and  turned  in  the  direction  of  his 
hotel.  Mr.  Aubrey  made  for  his  lodgings.  The  instant  that 
he  set  his  foot  within  the  door,  he  was  locked  in  the  im- 
passioned embrace  of  his  wife  and  sister.  None  of  them 
spoke  for  some  moments. 

"Dearest  Charles  ! —we' ve  heard  it  all— we  know  it  all!" 
at  length  they  exclaimed  in  a  breath.  "  Thank  God,  it  is  over 
at  last — and  we  know  the  worst !  — Are  you  well,  dearest 
Charles?"  inquired  Mrs.  Aubrey  with  fond  anxiety. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  157 

"Thank  God,  my  Agnes,  I  am  well!"  said  Mr.  Aubrey, 
much  excited,  "and  that  the  dreadful  suspense  is  at  an  end; 
and  thank  God  for  the  fortitude  with  which  you  bear  the 
result!  And  how  are  you,  my  excellent  friend?"  continued 
he,  addressing  Dr.  Tatham,  and  grasping  his  hands;  "how 
it  refreshes  my  heart  to  see  you!" 

"God  Almighty  bless  you  all,  my  dear  friends!"  replied 
Dr.  Tatham,  powerfully  affected.  "Believe  that  all  this  is 
from  HIM  !  He  has  wise  ends  in  view,  tho  we  see  not 
nor  comprehend  them !  Paint  not  when  ye  are  rebuked  of 
Him!  If  ye  faint  in  the  day  of  adversity,  your  strength  is 
small!  But  I  rejoice  to  see  your  resignation!" 

"I  assure  you  all,"  said  Aubrey,  "I  feel  as  if  a  very  moun- 
tain had  been  lifted  off  my  heart !  How  blessed  am  I  in  such 
a  wife  and  sister!"  A  heavenly  smile  irradiated  his  pale 
features — and  he  clasped  his  wife  and  then  his  sister  in  his 
arms.  They  wept  as  they  tenderly  returned  his  embrace. 

"  Heaven,"  said  he,  "  that  gave  us  all,  has  taken  all :  why 
should  we  murmur?  He  will  enable  us,  if  we  pray  for  His 
assistance,  to  bear  with  equanimity  our  present  adversity,  as 
well  as  our  past  prosperity  !  Come,  Agnes !  Kate !  play  the 
woman !" 

Somewhat  different  was  the  mode  in  which  the  night  was 
spent  by  the  victorious  party.  Gammon,  as  has  been  seen, 
was  the  first  to  congratulate  Titmouse  on  his  splendid  suc- 
cess. The  next  was  old  Quirk — who,  with  a  sort  of  convic- 
tion that  he  should  find  Gammon  beforehand  with  him — 
bustled  out  of  court,  leaving  Snap  to  pay  the  jury,  settle  the 
court-fees,  collect  the  papers,  and  so  forth.  Both  Quirk  and 
Snap  (as  soon  as  he  was  at  liberty)  exhibited  a  courtesy 
toward  Titmouse  which  had  a  strong  dash  of  reverence  in  it, 
such  as  was  due  to  the  possessor  of  ten  thousand  a  year; 
but  Gammon  exhibited  the  tranquil  matter-of-fact  confidence 
of  a  man  who  had  determined  to  be,  and  indeed  knew  that 
he  was,  the  entire  master  of  Titmouse. 

"  We  must  make  a  night  on  't,  eh  ?"  quoth  Mr.  Quirk,  with 
an  excited  air.  His  partners  assented  to  it,  as  did  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse; and  cold  beef,  sausages,  fowl,  ham,  beef-steaks,  and 
mutton-chops  were  ordered  to  be  in  readiness  in  half-an- 
hour's  time.  Soon  afterward  Mr.  Titmouse  followed  the 
chambermaid  to  his  new  bedroom. 


158  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"  This  is  the  room  we  always  give  to  quality  folk — when  we 
get  them,"  said  she,  as  she  set  his  candle  on  the  drawers, 
and  looked  with  a  little  triumph  around  the  room. 

"Ah — yes! — 'pon  my  soul — quite  right — always  do  your 
best  for  quality! — Lovely  gal — eh?"  Here  he  chucked  her 
under  the  chin  and  seemed  disposed  to  imprint  a  kiss  upon 
her  cheek  :  but,  with  a  "  Lord,  sir,  that's  not  the  way  quality 
folks  behave!"  she  modestly  withdrew.  While  Messrs.  Quirk 
and  Snap  were,  after  their  sort,  as  excited  as  even  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse was,  Gammon,  retiring  to  his  bedroom,  and  ordering 
thither  pens,  ink,  and  paper,  sat  down  and  wrote  the  follow- 
ing letter : 

"  MY  DEAR  SIR — The  very  first  leisure  moment  I  have  I 
devote  to  informing  you,  as  one  of  the  most  intimate  friends 
of  our  highly  respected  client,  Mr.  Titmouse,  that  the  jury 
have  returned  a  verdict  declaring  him  entitled  to  the  whole 
of  the  estates  at  Yatton  (ten  thousand  a  year  rent-roll,  at 
least),  and,  by  consequence,  to  an  immense  accumulation  of 
bygone  rents,  which  must  be  made  up  to  him  by  his  prede- 
cessor. 

"  To  you,  my  dear  sir,  as  an  early  and  valued  friend  of  our 
interesting  client,  I  sit  down  to  communicate  the  earliest  in- 
telligence of  this  most  important  event;  and  I  trust  that 
you  will,  with  our  respectful  compliments,  communicate  this 
happy  event  to  your  amiable  family.  He  begs  me  to  express 
his  most  cordial  feelings  toward  you,  and  to  say  that,  on 
his  return  to  town,  Satin  Lodge  will  be  one  of  the  very  first 
places  at  which  he  will  call.  In  the  mean  time,  I  beg  you  will 
believe  me,  my  dear  sir,  with  the  best  compliments  of  myself 
and  partners,  yours  most  sincerely, 

"OiLY  GAMMON. 

"THOMAS  TAG-RAG,  ESQ." 

"That,  I  think,  will  about  do,"  quoth  Gammon  to  him- 
self, with  a  thoughtful  air,  as,  having  made  an  exact  copy  of 
the  above  letter,  he  sealed  it  up  and  directed  it.  He  then 
came  down-stairs  to  supper,  having  first  sent  the  letter  off 
to  the  post-office. 


CHAPTER   XIV 

WHEREIN     MR.     AUBREY     WITH     ASTONISHING     MAGNANIMITY 
SURRENDERS  YATTON  WITHOUT  FURTHER  CON- 
TEST TO  THE    HERO 

WHEN,  about  seven  o'clock  on  the  morning  after  the  delivery 
of  the  verdict  which,  if  sustained,  consigned  them  to  beggary, 
the  Aubreys  met  to  partake  of  a  slight  and  frugal  break- 
fast before  setting  off  for  Yatton,  the  countenances  of  each 
bore  the  traces  of  great  suffering,  and  also  of  the  efforts 
made  to  conceal  it.  "The  moment  has  arrived,  dear  Agnes 
and  Kate,"  said  her  brother,  "  the  moment  has  arrived  that 
is  to  try  what  stuff  we  are  made  of.  If  we  have  any  strength, 
this  is  the  time  to  show  it!" 

"I'm  sure  I  thought  of  you  both  almost  all  night  long!" 
replied  Miss  Aubrey  tremulously.  "  You  have  a  lion's  heart, 
dear  Charles;  and  yet  you  are  so  gentle  with  us — 

"  I  should  be  a  poor  creature  indeed,  Kate,  to  give  way 
just  when  I  ought  to  play  the  man.  Whenever  our  eyes  do 
turn  to  the  past,  let  it  be  with  humble  gratitude  to  God  for 
having  allowed  us  all,  in  this  changing  world,  so  long  an 
interval  of  happiness ;  such,  indeed,  as  falls  to  the  lot  of  few. 
What!  shall  we  receive  good  at  the  hand  of  God,  and  shall  we 
not  receive  evil?" 

"My  own  Charles!"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Aubrey,  rising  and 
throwing  her  arms  round  her  husband,  whose  countenance 
was  calm  and  serene,  as  was  the  tone  of  the  sentiments  he 
expressed  solemn  and  elevated.  Miss  Aubrey  was  overcome 
with  her  stronger  feelings,  and  buried  her  face  in  her  hand- 
kerchief. Shortly  afterward  the  carriage  drew  up,  and  also 
Dr.  Tatham  on  horseback. 

"  Good  morning !  good  morning,  my  friends,"  cried  he, 
cheerfully,  as  he  entered,  holding  forth  both  his  hands;  "you 
can't  think  how  fresh  and  pleasant  the  air  is  !  Did  you  sleep 
well?  Come,  come,  ladies  !  On  with  your  bonnets  and  shawls  !" 


160  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Thus  rattled  on  worthy  little  Dr.  Tatham.  The  sight  of 
Mrs.  and  Miss  Aubrey,  however,  overcame  his  ill-assumed 
cheerfulness,  his  eyes  were  obstructed  with  tears,  and  he 
wrung  the  hand  of  Mr.  Aubrey  with  convulsive  energy.  They 
soon  set  off  at  a  rapid  pace,  Dr.  Tatham  riding  along  be- 
side the  carriage.  Yatton  was  about  twelve  miles  off.  For 
the  first  few  miles  they  preserved  a  tolerable  show  of  cheer- 
fulness; but  as  they  perceived  themselves  nearing  Yatton,  it 
became  plainly  more  and  more  of  an  effort  for  any  of  them 
to  speak. 

"O  Charles,  don't  you  dread  to  see  Yatton?"  said  Miss 
Aubrey  suddenly,  as  they  turned  a  familiar  corner  of  the  road. 
Neither  of  them  replied  to  her. 

"  When  you  come  to  the  village,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey  presently, 
to  the  postilion,  "  drive  through  it,  right  up  to  the  hall,  as 
quickly  as  you  can."  He  was  obeyed.  As  they  passed  through 
the  village,  with  their  windows  up,  none  of  them  seemed  dis- 
posed to  look  through,  but  leaned  back  in  silence  in  their 
seats. 

"  God  bless  you  !  God  bless  you  !  I  shall  call  in  the  evening," 
exclaimed  Dr.  Tatham;  as,  having  reached  the  vicarage,  he 
hastily  waved  his  hand,  and  turned  off.  Soon  they  had  passed 
the  park  gates;  when  had  they  entered  before  with  such 
heavy  hearts — with  eyes  so  dreading  to  encounter  every 
familiar  object  that  met  them  ?  Alas  !  the  spacious  park  was 
no  longer  theirs,  not  an  inch  of  ground— nothing  was  theirs ; 
the  fine  old  turreted  gateway  seemed  to  tremble  as  they 
rattled  under  it. 

"  Courage,  my  sweet  loves !  Courage ! "  exclaimed  Mr.  Aubrey, 
grasping  each  of  their  hands,  and  then  they  burst  into  tears. 
Mr.  Aubrey  felt  his  own  fortitude  grievously  shaken  as  he 
entered  the  old  hall,  no  longer  his  home,  and  reflected,  more- 
over— bitterest  thought  of  all — that  he  had  been  declared  by 
the  law  to  have  been  hitherto  the  wrongful  occupant  of  it ; 
that  he  must  forthwith  proceed  to  "set  his  house  in  order," 
and  prepare  for  a  dreadful  reckoning  with  him  whom  the  law 
had  declared  to  be  the  true  owner  of  Yatton. 

Two  very  long  consultations  had  been  held  at  the  Attorney- 
General's  chambers,  where  Mr.  Aubrey,  greatly  to  the  surprise 
of  all,  stated  emphatically  that  he  insisted  on  no  ground 
of  objection  being  taken  against  his  opponent,  except  such 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  161 

as  was  strictly  just,  equitable,  honorable,  and  conscientious. 
Rather  than  defeat  him  on  mere  technicalities — rather  than 
avail  himself  of  mere  positive  rules  of  law,  while  the  RIGHT, 
as  between  man  and  man,  was  substantially  in  favor  of  his 
opponent — Mr.  Aubrey  declared  that  he  would  lose  fifty  Yat- 
tons.  He  was  perfectly  aware  of  his  precise  position,  in  point 
of  law,  namely,  that  he  was  safe  in  the  possession  of  the 
Yatton  property  (with  the  exception  of  the  trifle  which  was 
occupied  by  Jolter  and  had  been  the  object  of  the  action 
just  determined)  till  another  action  should  have  been  brought 
directly  seeking  its  recovery;  and  that  by  forcing  his  oppo- 
nent to  bring  such  action,  he  might  put  him  to  considerable 
risk  of  retaining  his  verdict,  and  thereby  greatly  harass  him, 
and  ward  off,  indefinitely,  the  evil  day  from  himself.  By 
these  means  he  might  possibly,  also,  secure  favorable  terms , 
for  the  payment  of  the  dreadful  arrear  of  mesne  profits,  in 
which  he  stood  indebted  to  his  successor.  To  this  effect  he 
had  received  several  intimations  from  Mr.  Runnington,  as 
upright  and  conscientious  an  adviser  as  was  to  be  found  in 
the  profession.  But  Mr.  Aubrey  had  decided  upon  his  course; 
he  had  taken  his  ground,  and  intended  to  maintain  it. 

He  would,  on  the  morrow,  instruct  Mr.  Runnington  to 
write  to  his  opponent's  solicitors,  informing  them  that  within 
three  weeks'  time  the  estates  at  Yatton  would  be  delivered 
up  to  their  client,  Mr.  Titmouse.  He  would  also  direct  his 
own  private  solicitor  to  arrange  for  the  quickest  possible 
disposal  of  his  house  in  Grosvenor  Street,  and  of  his  wines 
and  his  furniture,  both  there  and  at  Yatton.  He  resolved, 
moreover,  to  take  the  necessary  steps  for  vacating  his 
seat  in  Parliament ;  and  having  determined  on  these  arrange- 
ments, he  felt  the  momentary  relief  and  satisfaction  of  the 
seaman  who  has  prepared  his  vessel  for  the  approaching 
storm. 

He  felt,  indeed,  relieved  for  a  while  from  a  dreadful  pressure. 

"They  are  determined  not  to  let  the  grass  grow  under- 
neath- their  feet,  Mr.  Aubrey,"  said  Mr.  Runnington,  who, 
the  next  morning,  made  his  appearance  at  breakfast,  pur- 
suant to  appointment;  "within  two  hours'  time  of  the  court 
delivering  judgment,  yesterday  afternoon,  I  received  the  fol- 
lowing communication."  He  handed  to  Mr.  Aubrey  this 
letter  : 
ii 


1 62  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"  GENTLEMEN  : 

"The  rule  for  a  new  trial  herein  having  been  this  day  dis- 
charged, and  the  unanimous  judgment  of  the  court  delivered 
in  favor  of  the  claims  to  the  Yatton  estate  of  the  lessor  of 
the  plaintiff  in  the  present  action,  we  shall  feel  obliged  by  an 
intimation  from  you,  at  your  earliest  possible  convenience, 
of  the  course  which  your  client  may  now  think  fit  to  adopt. 
You  are,  of  course,  aware  that  we  are  now  in  a  situ- 
ation to  attack,  successfully,  the  entire  property  at  Yatton, 
at  present  in  the  possession  of  Mr.  Aubrey ;  and  that,  had  we 
thought  fit,  we  might  have  sought  and  recovered  it  all  in  the 
action  which  has  just  been  decided  in  favor  of  our  client. 
It  is  now  in  our  power  materially  to  strengthen  the  evidence 
adduced  at  the  late  trial ;  and  we  beg  to  be  informed  whether 
•  it  is  your  client's  intention  to  put  Mr.  Titmouse  to  the  enor- 
mous expense  and  the  delay  of  a  second  trial,  the  issue  of 
which  cannot  be  doubtful ;  or,  with  the  promptitude  and  can- 
dor which  are  to  be  expected  from  a  gentleman  of  the  station 
and  character  of  your  client,  at  once  to  yield  to  our  client 
the  substantial  fruits  of  his  verdict. 

"As  we  understand  your  client  to  be  in  town,  we  trust  you 
will  forgive  us  for  requesting  you  immediately  to  communi- 
cate with  him,  and  at  your  earliest  convenience  enable  us 
to  announce  the  result  to  our  client. — We  are,  gentlemen, 
your  obedient  servants, 

"  QUIRK,  GAMMON  &  SNAP. 

"Messrs.  RUNNINGTON  &  Co." 

"  Well— I  own  I  see  nothing  to  find  fault  with  in  this  letter," 
said  Mr.  Aubrey  calmly. 

"Rather  quick  work,  tho— is  it  not,  Mr.  Aubrey?— within 
an  hour  or  two  after  judgment  pronounced  in,  their  favor." 

"  I  have  made  up  my  mind  as  to  the  course  I  shall  adopt," 
said  Mr.  Aubrey. 

"Oh,  of  course,  that  is  quite  clear!"  said  Mr.  Runnington, 
pouring  out  his  coffee—"  we  shall  stand  another  shot,  and  see 
if  there's  ammunition  enough  left  for  the  purpose :  and  we'll 
tender  a  bill  of  exceptions,  and  carry  the  case  into  the  Ex- 
chequer chamber,  and  thence  into  the  House  of  Lords — ah ! 
we'll  work  them,  I  warrant  them!"  and  he  rubbed  his  hands, 
with  a  little  excitement  in  his  manner. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


163 


"Why,  Mr.  Runnington,"  answered  Mr.  Aubrey  gravely, 
"  would  it  not  be  wanton — most  unconscientious — in  me  to  put 
them  to  the  expense  and  anxiety  of  a  second  trial,  when  the 
whole  case,  on  both  sides,  has  been  fairly  brought  before 
both  the  court  and  the  jury?" 

"  Good  Heavens,  Mr.  Aubrey !  who  ever  heard  of  an  estate 
of  ten-thousand-a-year  being  surrendered  after  one  assault?" 

"  I  have  decided  upon  the  course  I  shall  adopt,"  replied  Mr. 
Aubrey  calmly  and  determinedly—"!  shall  instruct  you  to 

'•  Within  three  weeks  !    sh%Jl 
be  prep'kred  to  deliver  up 
possession   of 


write  this  day  to  the  gentlemen  upon  the  other  side,  and  in- 
form them  that  within  three  weeks  I  shall  be  prepared  to  de- 
liver up  possession  of  Yatton." 

"My  dear  sir! —Do  I  hear  aright?  Deliver  up  possession 
of  the  estates?  and  within  three  weeks?" 

"That  was  what  I  said,  Mr.  Runnington,"  replied  Mr.  Au- 
brey rather  peremptorily. 

"It  is  very  painful  for  me  to  mention  the  subject,  Mr. 
Aubrey;  but  have  you  adverted  to  the  mesne  profits?" 


1 64  TITTLEBAT  TITiMOUSE 

"  I  have.  It  is,  indeed,  a  very  fearful  matter ;  and  I  frankly 
own  that  I  see  no  way  open  before  me,  but  to  trust  to  the 
forbearance  of " 

"  Forbearance !  — The  forbearance  of  Me-ssrs.  Quirk,  Gammon 
and  Snap!  !  or  of  any  one  counseled  by  them!" 

"Why,  what  can  I  do?  I  might  as  well  undertake  to  pay 
off  the  national  debt  as  the  sum  of  sixty  thousand  pounds." 

"That's  just  the  very  thing,"  replied  Mr.  Runnington. 

"Whatever  honorable  negotiation  can  effect,  I  leave  it  in 
your  hands  to  do.  With  reference  to  the  time  that  may  be 
obtained  for  the  liquidation  of  it,  I  must  own  that  this  is  a 
matter  that  has  occasioned  me  inexpressible  anxiety,  Mr. 
Runnington.  I  do  not  see  what  length  of  time  will  enable 
me  to  discharge  so  fearful  a  sum  of  money,  or  even  to  make 
any  sensible  impression  upon  it.  I  am  quite  at  their  mercy." 

"  I  am  far  from  thinking  it  clear  that  equity  would  not 
interpose  to  relieve  against  mesne  profits  in  such  a  case 
as  the  present — a  dormant  claim  set  up." 

"  I  cannot  see,  Mr.  Runnington,  on  what  principle  such  an 
interference  could  be  supported." 

"No  more  do  I,  at  present,"  replied  Mr.  Runnington,  "but 
I'll  lose  no  time  in  having  the  best  advice  on  the  subject." 

The  result  of  a  consultation  between  Mr.  Runnington  and 
his  partners,  held  on  the  day  after  his  last  interview  with  Mr. 
Aubrey,  was  the  following  letter,  addressed  to  Messrs.  Quirk, 
Gammon  and  Snap : 

"  GENTLEMEN  : 

"In  answer  to  your  letter  of  yesterday  (the  25th  inst.), 
we  beg  to  inform  you  that,  after  the  judgment  in  this  caust 
pronounced  yesterday  in  the  Court  of  King's  Bench,  our 
client,  Mr.  Aubrey,  does  not  intend  to  resist  the  claim  of  Mr. 
Titmouse  to  the  residue  of  the  Yatton  property.  We  now, 
therefore,  beg  to  give  you  notice  that  on  the  iyth  of  next 
month  you  will  be  at  liberty,  on  behalf  of  your  client,  Mr. 
Titmouse,  to  take  possession  of  all  the  property  at  Yatton, 
at  present  in  the  possession  of  Mr.  Aubrey.  The  whole  of 
the  last  quarter's  rents,  due  at  Lady -day,  have  been  paid 
into  the  bank  of  Messrs.  Harley,  at  Grilston,  and  will,  on 
the  i  jth  of  May,  be  placed  at  the  disposal  of  your  client. 

"  We  are  also  instructed  to  request  the  delivery  of  your  bill 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  165 

at  as  early  a  period  as  may  suit  your  convenience,  with  a 
view  to  its  immediate  examination  and  settlement. 

"  We  cannot  forbear  adding,  while  thus  implicitly  following 
the  instructions  of  our  client,  our  very  great  surprise  and 
regret  at  the  course  which  he  has  thought  fit  to  adopt ;  since 
we  have  the  strongest  reasons  for  believing  that,  had  he 
been  disposed  to  contest  your  client's  claim  further,  in 
accordance  with  advice  received  from  a  high  quarter,  his 
case  would  have  been  materially  strengthened  and  your  diffi- 
culties greatly  increased.  We  feel  confident  that  the  mag- 
nanimity displayed  by  our  client  will  be  duly  appreciated  by 
yours. 

"  P.  S. — As  to  the  mesne  profits,  by  the  way,  of  course  we 
anticipate  no  difficulty  in  effecting  an  amicable  arrangement 
satisfactory  to  both  parties,  due  consideration  being  had  for 
the  critical  position  in  which  our  client  finds  himself  so  sud- 
denly and  unexpectedly  placed.  Indeed,  it  is  not  difficult  to 
conceive  that  Mr.  Aubrey,  in  taking  the  step  of  which  we 
have  above  advised  you,  must  have  contemplated  being  met 
in  a  similar  frank,  liberal  and  equitable  spirit." 

"Lord,  Gammon!  isn't  it  glorious?"  quoth  Mr.  Quirk, 
heatedly,  rubbing  his  hands  together;  "give  us  your  hand, 
Gammon  !  We've  fought  a  precious  hard  battle  together — 

"We've  put  an  ape  into  possession  of  Paradise — that's 
all,"  said  Gammon,  absently  and  half  aloud,  and  bitterly 
and  contemptuously. 

"  By  the  way,  Gammon,  you  see  what's  said  about  our  bill 
— eh?  The  sooner  it's  made  out  the  better,  I  should  say — 
and — ahem!  hem! — while  Mr.  Aubrey's  on  the  tight  rope  he 
won't  think  of  looking  down  at  the  particular  items,  will 
he?  I  should  say,  now*s  our  time,  and  strike  while  the  iron's 
hot!" 

"You  must  not  overdo  it,  Mr.  Quirk — but  all  that  I  leave, 
as  usual,  to  your  admirable  management  as  to  that  of  a 
first-rate  man  of  business.  You  know  I'm  a  sad  hand  at  ac- 
counts; but  you  and  Snap  are— you'll  do  all  that  should  be 
done." 

"  Ay,  ay — trust  us ! "  interrupted  Quirk  quickly.  "  And,  by 
the  way,  there  are  the  mesne  profits.  Off  hand,  I  should  say 
we  ought  to  be  content  with — say — twenty  thousand  down, 


1 66 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


and  the  rest  in  two  years'  time,  so  as  to  give  him  time  to 
look  about  him  a  little " 

"  That  will  be  quite  an  after-consideration,"  said  Mr.  Gam- 
mon, who,  for  the  last  few  minutes,  had  appeared  lost  in 
thought. 

"  Egad— an  0/"/<?r-consideration  ?  Hang  me  if  /  think  so, 
Gammon!  There's  a  certain  bond— eh?  you  recollect " 

"I  assure  you,   Mr.  Quirk,  that  my  eye  is  fixed  quite  as 


'*  VO'e've    put   B.n    Ape   into 
of  pTvrfvdiie  — 
's  &H    sftid  G&r.inion 


steadily  and  anxiously  on  that  point  as  yours,"  said  Gam- 
mon gravely. 

"  Thank  you — thank  you,  Gammon  ! "  replied  Quirk  with 
rather  a  relieved  air—"  it  couldn't  possibly  be  in  better  hands. 
Lud— to  go  wrong  there!  It  would  send  me  to  my  grave 
at  a  hand  gallop.  I  take  it  we've  a  lien  on  the  rents  in  the 
banker's  hands,  and  on  those  which  become  due  next  quarter- 
day,  and  on  the  first  instalment  of  the  mesne  profits,  both 
for  our  bill  of  costs  and  in  respect  of  that  same  bond?" 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  167 

"  Mesne  profits,  Mr.  Quirk  ?"  echoed  Gammon,  rather  quickly ; 
"  you  seem  to  take  it  for  granted  that  they  are  all  ready  to 
be  paid  over  !  Even  supposing  Titmouse  not  to  grow  restive, 
do  you  suppose  it  probable  that  Mr.  Aubrey,  after  so  vast 
and  sudden  a  sacrifice,  can  have  more  than  a  very  few  thou- 
sands to  keep  him  from  immediate  want,  since  we  have  reason 
to  believe  he  has  got  no  other  resources  than  Yatton?" 

"  Not  got  'em — not  got  'em  ?  D— n  him  !  then  he  must  look 
sharp  and  get  'em,  that's  all !  You  know  we  can't  be  tri- 
fled with;  we  must  look  after  the  interests  of— Titmouse." 

"  Ah,  you're  for  putting  the  thumb-screws  on  at  once*— eh  ?" 
inquired  Gammon  with  a  strange  smile. 

"  Ay,  that's  just  what  I  meant,"  quoth  Quirk. 

"Heartless  old  scoundrel!"  thought  Gammon,  almost  ex- 
pressing as  much;  but  his  momentary  excitement  passed  off 
unobserved  by  Mr.  Quirk.  "And,  I  must  say,  I  agree  with 
you,"  he  added;  "we  ought  in  justice  to  see  you  first  re- 
imbursed your  very  heavy  outlays,  Mr.  Quirk." 

"Well,  that's  honorable. — O  Gammon,  how  I  wish  you 
would  let  me  make  a  friend  of  you!"  suddenly  added  Mr. 
Quirk,  eying  wistfully  his  surprised  companion.  . 

"  If  you  have  one  sincere,  disinterested  friend  in  the  world, 
Mr.  Quirk,  he  is  to  be  found  in  Oily  Gammon,"  said  that 
gentleman  warmly,  perceiving  that  Mr.  Quirk  was  laboring 
with  some  communication  of  which  he  wished  to  deliver  him- 
self. 

"I  may  be  wrong,  Gammon,"  commenced  Mr.  Quirk,  in  a  low 
tone;  "but  I  do  believe  you've  always  felt  a  kind  of  per- 
sonal friendship  toward  me ;  and  there  ought  to  be  no  secrets 
among  friends.  Friends,  indeed?  Perhaps  it's  premature  to 
mention  so  small  a  matter;  but  at  a  certain  silversmith's, 
not  a  thousand  miles  from  the  Strand,  there's  at  this  mo- 
ment in  hand,  as  a  present  from  me  to  you — "  [Oh,  dear, 
dear !  Mr.  Quirk !  what  a  shocking  untruth !  and  at  your 
advanced  period  of  life,  too!] — "as  elegant  a  gold  snuff-box 
as  can  be  made,  with  a  small  inscription  on  the  lid.  I  hope 
you  won't  value  it  the  less  for  its  being  the  gift  of  old 

Caleb  Quirk "  He  paused  and  looked  earnestly  at  Mr. 

Gammon. 

"My  dear  Mr.  Quirk,  you  have  taken  me,"  said  he  appar- 
ently with  great  emotion,  "quite  by  surprise.  Value  it?  I 


1 68  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

will  preserve  it  to  the  latest  moment  of  my  life,  as  a  memorial 
of  one  whom  the  more  I  know  of  him,  the  more  I  respect  and 
admire!" 

"You,  Gammon,  are  in  your  prime — scarce  even  that — but 

I  am  growing  old "  Tears  appeared  to  glisten  in  the  old 

gentleman's  eyes;  Gammon,  much  moved,  shook  him  cordially 
by  the  hand  in  silence,  wondering  what  upon  earth  was  com- 
ing next.  "Yes;  old  Caleb  Quirk's  day  is  drawing  to  a  close 
— I  feel  it,  Gammon,  I  feel  it !  But  I  shall  leave  behind  me 
— a — a — child — an  only  daughter,  Gammon — "  that  gentleman 
gazed  at  the  speaker  with  an  expression  of  respectful  sym- 
pathy— "Dora!  I  don't  think  you  can  have  known  Dora 
so  long,  Gammon,  without  feeling  a  leetle  interest  in  her!" 
Here  Gammon's  color  mounted  rapidly,  and  he  looked  with 
feelings  of  a  novel  description  at  his  senior  partner.  Could 
it  be  possible  that  old  Quirk  wished  to  bring  about  a  match 
between  his  daughter  and  Gammon?  His  thoughts  were  for 
a  moment  confused.  All  he  could  do  was  to  bow  with  an 
earnest — an  anxious — a  deprecating  air;  and  Mr.  Quirk,  rather 
hurriedly,  proceeded  :  "  And  when  I  assure  you,  Gammon, 
that  it  is  in  your  power  to  make  an  old  friend  and  his  only 
daughter  happy  and  proud — "  Gammon  began  to  draw  very 
long  breaths,  and  to  look  more  and  more  apprehensively 
at  his  senior  partner — "  in  short,  my  dear  friend  Gammon, 
let  me  out  with  it  at  once — my  daughter's  in  love  with 
Titmouse." 

"Ah,  my  dear  Mr.  Quirk,  is  that  all?"  he  exclaimed,  and 
shook  Mr.  Quirk  cordially  by  the  hand — "at  length  you  have 
made  a  friend  of  me,  indeed.  But,  to  tell  you  the  truth,  I 
have  long  suspected  as  much:  I  have,  indeed!" 

"  Have  you  really?  Well !  there  is  no  accounting  for  tastes, 
is  there — especially  among  the  women?  Poor  Dora's  over 
head  and  ears — quite! — she  is,  so  help  me  Heaven!" 

"Well,  my  dear  sir,  and  why  this  surprise?"  said  Gammon 
earnestly.  "I  consider  Titmouse  to  be  a  very  handsome 
young  fellow;  and  that  he  is  already  rapidly  acquiring  very 
gentlemanly  manners ;  and  as  to  his  fortune — really,  it  would 
be  most  desirable  to  bring  it  about.  Indeed,  the  sooner  his 
heart's  fixed  and  his  word's  pledged,  the  better— for  there 
will  be  many  schemers  on  the  look-out  to  entrap  his  frank 
and  inexperienced  nature — look,  for  instance,  at  Tag-rag." 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A   YEAR  169 

"Eugh!"  exclaimed  Mr.  Quirk,  with  a  sudden  motion  ot 
sickening  disgust,  "the  old  beast!" 

"  You  see,"  said  Gammon, "  we've  a  very  delicate  and  difficult 
game  to  play  with  old  Tag-rag.  He's  certainly  a  toad,  ugly 
and  venomous — but  then,  he's  got  a  jewel  in  his  head — he's 
got  money,  you  know,  and,  to  serve  our  purposes,  we  must 
really  give  him  some  hopes  about  his  daughter  and  Titmouse." 

"  Faugh  !  the  little  trollop !  It  makes  one  sick  to  hear  of 
her !  And,  by  the  way,  now  we're  on  that  subject,  Gammon, 
what  do  we  want  of  this  wretch  Tag-rag,  now  that  Titmouse 
has  actually  got  the  property?" 

"Want  of  him?  Money — security,  my  dear  sir! — money! 
My  opinion  is,  that  we  should  get  some  third  party  or 
parties  to  advance  any  required  sum,  and  prevail  upon  Tag- 
rag  to  join  in  a  collateral  security,  without — if  possible — 
making  him  aware  of  the  extent  of  liability  he  is  incurring. 
By  exciting  him  with  the  ridiculous  notion  of  an  attachment 
between  his  daughter  and  Titmouse,  he  maybe  induced  to  give 
his  signature,  as  to  some  complimentary  matter  of  form  only. 
— Now,  that's  my  opinion,  Mr.  Quirk;  not  lightly  or  hastily 
formed;  and  it  rests  upon  a  deep  feeling  of  personal  regard 
toward  you,  and  also  our  common  interests." 

"Y-e-e-s,"  said  the  old  man  meditatively.  "I  don't  quite 
understand,  but  I  dare  say  you  are  right.  Well,  we  can  talk 
over  these  matters  at  another  time.  Gad,  Gammon,  you 
can't  think  how  it's  relieved  me,  to  open  my  mind  to  you  on 
this  matter !  We  quite  understand  one  another  now,  Gam- 
mon—eh?" 

"  Quite,"  replied  Gammon  pointedly ;  and  Mr.  Quirk  having 
quitted  the  room,  the  former  prepared  to  reply  to  Messrs. 
Runnington's  letter. 

This  was  the  answer  he  concocted  : 

"  We  are  favored  with  your  letter  of  this  day's  date,  and 
beg  to  assure  you  how  very  highly  we  appreciate  the  prompt 
and  honorable  course  which  has  been  taken  by  your  client, 
under  circumstances  calculated  to  excite  the  greatest  possible 
commiseration.  Every  expression  of  respectful  sympathy,  on 
our  parts  and  on  that  of  our  client,  Mr.  Titmouse,  which 
you  may  think  fit  to  convey  to  your  distinguished  client,  is 

his. 


1 70  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"We  shall  be  prepared  to  receive  possession  of  the  Yat- 
ton  estates  on  the  day  you  mention — namely,  the  i  yth  May 
next,  on  behalf  of  our  client,  Mr.  Titmouse ;  on  whose  behalf, 
also,  we  beg  to  thank  you  for  your  communication  concerning 
the  last  quarter's  rents. 

"With  reference  to  the  question  of  the  mesne  profits,  we 
cannot  doubt  that  your  client  will  promptly  pursue  the  same 
line  of  honorable  conduct  which  he  has  hitherto  adopted, 
and  we  sincerely  trust  that  a  good  understanding  in  this 
matter  will  speedily  exist  between  our  respective  clients. 

"As  you  have  intimated  a  wish  upon  the  subject,  we  beg 
to  inform  you  that  we  have  given  instructions  for  making 
out  and  delivering  our  bill  herein." 

Having  finished  writing  the  above  letter,  Gammon  sat  back 
in  his  chair,  with  folded  arms,  and  entered  upon  a  long  train 
of  thought — revolving  many  matters  which  were  worthy  of 
the  profound  consideration  they  then  received.  For  one 
thing  he  had  resolved  that  Miss  Quirk  should  never  become 
Mrs.  Titmouse. 


CHAPTER  XV 

INTRODUCES    THE    HERO   TO   THE    FAVORABLE    NOTICE   OF    A 
CERTAIN  NOBLE  CONNECTION  OF  HIS  FAMILY 

PENDING  the  rule  for  the  new  trial,  Mr.  Quirk  greatly  in- 
creased the  allowance  of  Titmouse;  to  an  extent,  indeed, 
which  admitted  of  his  entering  into  almost  all  the  gayeties 
that  his  heart  could  desire.  In  the  first  place,  he  constantly 
added  to  his  wardrobe.  Then  he  took  lessons,  every  other 
day,  in  "the  noble  art  of  self-defense";  which  gave  him  an 
opportunity  of  forming,  with  great  ease,  a  circle  of  acquaint- 
ance at  once  extensive  and  brilliant.  Fencing-rooms,  wrestling- 
rooms,  shooting-galleries,  places  for  pigeon-shooting  and 
cock-fighting,  the  water  and  boat-racing — these  were  the 
dazzling  scenes  which  occupied  the  chief  portion  of  each  day. 
Then,  in  the  evenings,  there  were  theaters,  great  and  small, 
the  various  taverns  and  other  places  of  nocturnal  resort 
which  are  the  secret  pride  and  glory  of  the  metropolis.  In 
addition  to  this,  at  an  advanced  period  of  the  night,  or 
rather  a  very  early  hour  in  the  morning,  he  sedulously  strove 
to  perfect  himself  in  those  higher  arts  and  accomplishments, 
excelled  in  by  one  or  two  of  the  more  eminent  of  the  youthful 
aristocracy,  viz.,  breaking  windows,  pulling  bells,  wrenching 
off  knockers,  extinguishing  lamps,  tripping  up  old  women, 
watchmen  and  children,  and  spoiling  their  clothes.  Ah,  Tit- 
mouse, Titmouse !  Now  is  your  time !  Made  nor&  virtute, 
puer! 

This  is  a  brief  and  general  account  of  the  way  in  which  Tit- 
mouse passed  his  time,  and  laid  the  groundwork  of  that 
extensive  acquaintance  with  men  and  things  which  was  req- 
uisite to  enable  him  to  occupy  with  dignity  the  splendid  sta- 
tion to  which  he  was  on  the  point  of  being  elevated. 

But  let  us  not  lose  sight  of  our  early  and  interesting  friends, 
the  Tag-rags — a  thing  which  both  Quirk  and  Gammon  re- 
solved should  not  happen  to  Titmouse;  for,  on  the  very 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

first  Sunday  after  his  arrival  in  town  from  York,  a  handsome 
glass  coach  might  have  been  seen,  about  two  o'clock  in  the 
afternoon,  drawing  up  opposite  the  gates  of  Satin  Lodge; 
from  which  descended  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Titmouse. 
Now,  the  Tag-rags  always  dined  at  about  two  o'clock  on  Sun- 
days; and,  on  the  present  occasion,  Mr.,  Mrs.,  and  Miss  Tag- 
rag,  together  with  a  pretty  constant  visitor,  the  Reverend 
Dismal  Horror,  were  sitting  at  their  dinner-table. 

"O  ma!"  exclaimed  Miss  Tag-rag  faintly,  changing  color 
as  she  caught  sight,  through  the  blinds,  of  the  approaching 
visitors,  "if  there  isn't  Mr.  Titmouse!"  and  almost  dropping 
on  the  table  her  plate,  in  which,  with  an  air  of  tender  gal- 
lantry, Mr.  Horror  was  in  the  act  of  depositing  some  greens, 
she  flew  out  of  the  room,  darted  up-stairs,  and  in  a  trice  was 
standing,  with  beating  heart,  before  her  glass,  hastily  twirl- 
ing her  ringlets  round  her  trembling  fingers  and  making  one 
or  two  slight  alterations  in  her  dress.  Her  papa  and  mamma 
started  up  at  the  same  moment,  hastily  wiping  their  mouths 
on  the  corners  of  the  table-cloth,  and,  after  a  hurried  apology 
to  their  reverend  guest,  whom  they  begged  "  to  go  on  eating 
till  they  came  back,"  they  bounced  into  the  drawing-room, 
with  just  time  enough  to  appear  as  if  they  had  been  seated 
for  some  time. 

"Ah!  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Tag-rag!  'Pon  mv  soul — glad  to  see 
you — and — hope  you're  all  well?"  commenced  Titmouse, 
with  an  air  of  easy  confidence  and  grace.  Mr.  Gammon 
calmly  introduced  himself  and  Mr.  Quirk. 

"  We  were  just  going  to  sit  down  to — lunch"  said  Mr.  Tag- 
rag  hurriedly. 

"You  won't  take  a  little,  will  you,  gentlemen?"  inquired 
Mrs.  Tag-rag  faintly;  and  both  the  worthy  couple  felt  in- 
finite relief  on  being  assured  that  their  distinguished  visitors 
had  already  lunched.  Neither  Mr:  nor  Mrs.  Tag-rag  could 
take  their  eyes  off  Mr.  Titmouse,  whose  easy  nonchalance  con- 
vinced them  that  he  must  have  been  keeping  the  society  of 
lords.  He  was  just  inquiring — as  he  ran  his  hand  through 
his  hair,  and  gently  smacked  his  slight  ebony  cane  against 
his  leg— after  Miss  Tag-rag,  when,  pale  and  agitated,  that 
interesting  young  lady  entered. 

Titmouse  rose  and  received  her  in  a  familiar,  forward  man- 
ner. She  looked  such  a  shriveled,  little,  ugly,  formal  creature 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  173 

that  Titmouse  conceived  quite  a  hatred  of  her,  through  rec- 
ollecting that  he  had  once  thought  such  an  inferior  piece 
of  goods  superfine.  After  a  little  further  conversation,  prin- 
cipally concerning  the  brilliant  success  of  Titmouse,  Mr.  Quirk 
came  to  the  business  of  the  day,  and  invited  Mr.,  Mrs.,  and 
Miss  Tag-rag  to  dinner  at  Alibi  House,  on  the  ensuing  Sunday, 
at  six  o'clock — apologizing  for  the  absence  of  Miss  Quirk 
on  the  score  of  indisposition.  The  invitation  was  accepted 
in  a  very  obsequious  manner ;  and  soon  afterward  their  great 
visitors  took  their  departure,  leaving  the  Tag-rags  in  a  state 
of  considerable  excitement. 

The  memorable  Sunday  at  length  arrived,  and  precisely  at 
six  o'clock  a  genteel  fly  deposited  the  visitants  from  Satin 
Lodge  at  the  splendid  entrance  to  Alibi  House.  There  was 
the  big  footman — shoulder-knot,  red  breeches,  and  all.  Tag- 
rag  felt  a  little  nervous.  Before  they  had  entered  the  gates, 
the  fond  proud  parents  had  kissed  their  trembling  daughter, 
and  entreated  her  "  to  keep  her  spirits  up ! "  The  exhorta- 
tion was  needful;  for  when  she  saw  the  sort  of  style  that 
awaited  them,  she  became  not  a  little  agitated.  When  she 
entered  the  hall — ah !  on  a  chair  lay  a  glossy  new  hat  and 
a  delicate  ebony  walking-stick;  so  he  had  come — was  then 
up-stairs ! — Miss  Tag-rag  trembled  in  every  limb. 

"I  don't  know,  my  dear,"  whispered  Mrs.  Tag-rag  to  her 
husband,  with  a  subdued  sigh,  as  they  followed  the  splendid 
footman  up-stairs — "it  may  be  all  uncommon  grand;  but 
somehow  I'm  afraid  we're  doing  wrong — it's  the  Lord's  day 
—see  if  any  good  comes  of  it." 

"  Tut — hold  your  tongue  !  Let's  have  no  nonsense,"  sternly 
whispered  Mr.  Tag-rag  to  his  submissive  wife. 

"Your  name,  sir?"  quoth  the  footman,  in  a  gentlemanly 
way. 

"Mr.,  Mrs.,  and  Miss  Tag-rag,"  replied  Mr.  Tag-rag, 
after  clearing  his  throat;  and  so  they  were  announced,  Miss 
Quirk  coming  forward  to  receive  the  ladies  with  the  most 
charming  affability.  There  stood  Titmouse,  in  an  easy  atti- 
tude, with  his  hands  stuck  into  his  coat  pockets  and  resting 
on  his  hips,  in  a  very  delicate  and  elegant  fashion.  How  com- 
pletely he  seemed  at  his  ease! 

"O  Lord!"  thought  Tag-rag,  "that's  the  young  fellow 
I  used  to  go  on  so  to ! " 


i74  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

In  due  time  dinner  was  announced;  and  who  can  describe 
the  rapture  that  thrilled  through  the  bosoms  of  the  three 
Tag-rags,  when  Mr.  Quirk  requested  Mr.  Titmouse  to  take 
down — Miss  Tag-rag!  Her  father  took  down  Mrs.  Alias; 
Mr.  Quirk,  Mrs.  Tag-rag;  and  Gammon,  Miss  Quirk,  who  really 
might  have  been  proud  of  her  partner.  Gammon  was  about 
thirty-six  years  old;  above  the  average  height;  with  a  par- 
ticularly gentlemanly  appearance  and  address,  and  an  in- 
tellectual and  even  handsome  countenance,  tho  occasionally  it 
bore,  to  a  keen  observer,  a  sinister  expression.  He  wore  a 
blue  coat,  a  plain  white  waistcoat,  black  trousers,  and  silk 
stockings.  There  was  at  once  an  appearance  of  neatness  and 
carelessness;  and  there  was  such  a  ready  smile — such  bland 
ease  and  self-possession  about  him — as  communicated  itself 
to  those  whom  he  addressed. 

Dinner  went  off  very  pleasantly,  the  wines  soon  communi- 
cating a  little  confidence  to  the  flustered  guests.  Mrs.  Tag- 
rag  had  drunk  so  much  champagne — an  unusual  beverage  for 
her — that  almost  as  soon  as  she  had  returned  to  the  draw- 
ing-room she  sat  down  on  the  sofa  and  fell  asleep,  leaving 
the  two  young  ladies  to  amuse  each  other  as  best  they 
might;  for  Mrs.  Alias  was  very  deaf,  and,  moreover,  very  stiff 
and  distant,  and  sat  looking  at  them  in  silence. 

At  length  the  four  gentlemen  repaired  to  the  drawing-room, 
whence  issued  the  sounds  of  music ;  and  on  entering  they  be- 
held the  two  lovely  performers  seated  at  the  piano,  engaged 
upon  a  duet.  The  plump  flaxen-haired  Miss  Quirk,  in  her 
flowing  white  muslin  dress,  her  thick  gold  chain  and  massive 
bracelets,  formed  rather  a  strong  contrast  to  her  sallow, 
skinny  little  companion,  in  a  span-new  slate-colored  silk  dress 
with  staring  scarlet  sash,  her  long  corkscrew  ringlets  glisten- 
ing in  bear's  grease.  As  soon  as  the  gentlemen  made  their 
appearance  the  ladies  ceased  and  withdrew  from  the  piano, 
Miss  Tag-rag,  with  a  sweet  air  of  simplicity  and  conscious  em- 
barrassment, gliding  toward  the  sofa,  where  sat  her  mamma 
asleep,  but  whom  she  at  once  awoke.  Mr.  Quirk  exclaimed,  as, 
evidently  elevated  with  wine,  he  slapped  his  daughter  on  her 
fat  back,  "Ah,  Dora,  my  dove!"  while  Tag-rag  kissed  his 
daughter's  cheek  and  squeezed  her  hand  and  then  glanced 
with  a  proud  and  delighted  air  at  Titmouse,  who  was  lolling 
at  full  length  upon  the  other  sofa,  picking  his  teeth. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


175 


While  Miss  Quirk  was  making  tea,  Gammon  gayly  convers- 
ing with  her  and  in  an  undertone  satirizing  Miss  Tag-rag, 
the  latter  young  lady  was  gazing,  with  a  timid  air,  at  a 
large  and  splendidly  bound  volume — in  fact,  Miss  Quirk's 


poor  Miss  T^g-r^g 
almost  dropped  the 
inagnificent  volume 

album ;  and,  after  turning  over  most  of  the  leaves  and  glan- 
cing over  the  "poetical  effusions"  and  "prose  sentiments" 
which  few  fools  can  abstain  from  depositing  upon  the  em- 
bossed pages  when  solicited  by  the  lovely  proprietresses  of 


176  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

such  works,  behold — her  heart  fluttered — poor  Miss  Tag-rag 
almost  dropped  the  magnificent  volume;  for  there  was  the 
idolized  name  of  Mr.  Titmouse — no  doubt  his  own  handwri- 
ting and  composition.  She  read  it  over  eagerly  again  and 
again  : 

"Tittlebat  Titmouse  is  My  name. 

England  is  My  Nation. 
London  Is  My  dwelling-Place. 
And  Christ  Is  My  Salvation." 

It  was  very — very  beautiful — beautiful  in  its  simplicity  ! 
She  looked  anxiously  about  for  writing  implements  !  but  not 
seeing  any,  was  at  length  obliged  to  trust  to  her  memory  : 
on  which,  indeed,  the  exquisite  composition  was  already  in- 
scribed in  indelible  characters.  Miss  Quirk,  who  was  watching 
her  motions,  guessed  the  true  cause  of  her  excitement;  and 
a  smile  of  mingled  scorn  and  pity  for  her  infatuated  delusion 
shone  upon  her  face;  in  which,  however,  there  appeared  a 
little  anxiety  when  she  beheld  Titmouse — not,  however,  per- 
ceiving that  he  did  so  in  consequence  of  a  motion  from  Gam- 
mon, whose  eye  governed  his  movements  as  a  man's  those 
of  his  spaniel — walk  up  to  her  and  converse  with  a  great 
appearance  of  interest.  At  length  Mr.  Tag-rag's  "  carriage" 
was  announced.  Mr.  Quirk  gave  his  arm  to  Mrs.  Tag-rag, 
and  Mr.  Titmouse  to  the  daughter;  who  endeavored,  as  she 
went  down  the  stairs,  to  direct  melting  glances  at  her  hand- 
some and  distinguished  companion.  They  evidently  told, 
for  she  could  not  be  mistaken;  he  certainly  once  or  twice 
squeezed  her  arm — and  the  last  fond  words  he  uttered  to  her 
were:  "'Pon  my  soul — it's  early:  devilish  sorry  you're 
going!" 

As  the  Tag-rags  drove  home,  they  were  all  loud  in  the 
praises  of  those  whom  they  had  just  quitted,  particularly 
of  those  whose  splendid  hospitality  they  had  been  enjoying. 
With  a  daughter,  with  whom  Mr.  Quirk  must  naturally  have 
wished  to  make  so  splendid  a  match  as  that  with  Titmouse 
— but  who  was  plainly  engaged  to  Mr.  Gammon — how  kind 
and  disinterested  was  Mr,  Quirk,  in  affording  every  encourage- 
ment in  his  power  to  the  passion  which  Titmouse  had  so 
manifestly  conceived  for  Miss  Tag-rag!  And  was  there  ever 
so  delightful  a  person  as  Gammon  ?  How  cordially  he  had 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  177 

shaken  the  hands  of  each  of  them  at  parting !  As  for  Miss 
Tag-rag,  she  almost  felt  that,  if  her  heart  had  not  been  so 
deeply  engaged  to  Titmouse,  she  could  have  loved  Mr.  Gam- 
mon! 

"I  hope,  Tabby,"  said  Mrs.  Tag-rag,  "that  when  you're 
Mrs.  Titmouse,  you'll  bring  your  dear  husband  to  hear  Mr. 
Horror.  You  know,  we  ought  to  be  grateful  to  the  Lord — 
for  He  has  done  it." 

"La,  ma,  how  can  I  tell?"  quoth  Miss  Tag-rag  petulantly. 
"I  must  go  where  Mr.  Titmouse  chooses,  of  course;  and  no 
doubt  he'll  take  sittings  in  one  of  the  West  End  churches : 
you  know,  you  go  where  pa  goes — I  go  where  Titmouse 
goes !  But  I  will  come  sometimes,  too — if  it's  only  to  show 
that  I'm  not  above  it,  you  know.  La,  what  a  stir  there  will 
be!  The  three  Miss  Knipps — I  do  hope  they'll  be  there!  I'll 
have  your  pew,  ma,  lined  with  red  velvet ;  it  will  look  so  gen- 
teel." 

"  I'm  not  quite  so  sure,  Tabby,  tho,"  interrupted  her  father 
with  a  certain  swell  of  manner,  "  that  we  shall,  after  a  certain 
event,  continue  to  live  in  these  parts.  There's  such  a  thing 
as  retiring  from  business,  Tabby;  besides,  we  shall  nat'rally 
wish  to  be  near  you." 

"He's  a  love  of  a  man,  pa,  isn't  he?"  interrupted  Miss  Tag- 
rag,  with  irrepressible  excitement,  as  her  father  folded  her  in 
his  arms. 

While  the  brilliant  success  of  Tittlebat  Titmouse  was  ex- 
citing so  great  a  sensation  among  the  inmates  of  Satin 
Lodge  and  Alibi  House,  there  were  also  certain  quarters  in 
the  upper  regions  of  society  in  which  it  was  contemplated 
with  feelings  of  intense  interest. 

If  the  reader  had  reverently  cast  his  eye  over  the  pages  of 
Debretfs  Peerage,  his  attention  could  not  have  failed  to  be 
riveted,  among  a  galaxy  of  brilliant  but  minor  stars,  by 
the  radiance  of  one  transcendent  constellation  : 

"AUGUSTUS  MORTIMER  PLANTAGENET  FITZ-URSE,  EARL  OF 
DREDDLINGTON,  VISCOUNT  FITZ-URSE,  AND  BARON  DRELIN- 
COURT;  KNIGHT  OF  THE  GOLDEN  FLEECE;  G.C.B.,  D.C.L.,  F. 
C.S.,  F.P.S.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.;  Lieutenant-General  in  the  army, 
Colonel  of  the  3  yth  regiment  of  light  dragoons ;  Lord  Lieu- 
tenant of shire ;  elder  brother  of  the  Trinity  House ;  for- 


178  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

merly  Lord  Steward  of  the  Household;  born  the  3ist  March, 
17—;  succeeded  his  father,  PERCY  CONSTANTINE  FITZ-URSE, 
as  fifth  Earl,  and  twentieth  in  the  Barony,  January  loth, 
17 — ;  married,  April  i,  18 — ,  the  Right  Hon.  Lady  Philippa 
Emmeline  Blanche  Macspleuchan,  daughter  of  Archibald, 
ninth  Duke  of  Tantallon,  K.T.,  and  has  issue  an  only  child, 

"CECILIA  PHILIPPA  LEOPOLDINA  PLANTAGENET,  born  June 
10,  1 8 — . 

"Town  residence,  Grosvenor  Square. 

"Seat,  Poppleton  Hall,  Hertfordshire. 

"Earldom,  by  patent,  1667;  Barony,  by  writ  of  sum- 
mons, 1 2th  Hen.  II." 

The  reader  may  by  this  time  have  got  an  intimation  that 
Tittlebat  Titmouse,  in  a  madder  freak  of  fortune  than  any 
which  her  ladyship  hath  hitherto  exhibited,  is  far  on  his  way 
toward  a  dizzy  pitch  of  greatness — viz.  that  he  has  now 
become  heir-expectant  to  the  oldest  barony  in  the  kingdom — 
between  it  and  him  only  one  old  peer,  and  his  sole  child, 
an  unmarried  daughter,  intervening.  Behold  the  thing  demon- 
strated to  your  very  eye,  in  the  pedigree  on  the  next  page, 
which  is  only  our  former  one  a  little  extended. 

From  this  it  will  appear  that  on  the  death  of  Augustus, 
fifth,  earl  and  twentieth  baron,  with  no  other  issue  than  Lady 
Cecilia,  the  earldom  being  then  extinct,  the  barony  would  de- 
scend upon  the  Lady  Cecilia;  and  that,  in  the  event  of  her 
dying  without  issue  in  the  lifetime  of  her  father,  Tittlebat 
Titmouse  would,  on  the  earl's  death  without  other  lawful 
issue,  become  LORD  DRELINCOURT,  twenty  -first  in  the  barony : 
and  in  the  event  of  her  dying  without  issue,  after  her  father's 
death,  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE  would  become  the  twenty-second 
LORD  DRELINCOURT;  one  or  other  of  which  two  splendid  po- 
sitions, but  for  the  enterprising  agency  of  Messrs.  Quirk, 
Gammon,  and  Snap,  would  have  been  occupied  by  CHARLES 
AUBREY. 

The  Earl  of  Dreddlington  was  about  sixty-seven  years  old ; 
and  he  would  have  realized  the  idea  of  an  incarnation  of  the 
sublimest  PRIDE.  He  was  of  rather  a  slight  make,  and,  tho 
of  a  tolerably  advanced  age,  stood  as  straight  as  an  arrow. 
His  hair  was  glossy  and  white  as  snow;  his  features  were  of 
an  aristocratic  cast ;  their  expression  was  severe  and  haughty ; 
and  I  am  compelled  to  say  that  there  was  scarce  a  trace  of 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


179 


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1 8o  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

intellect  perceptible  in  them.  His  manner  and  demeanor 
were  cold,  imperturbable,  inaccessible;  wherever  he  went — so 
to  speak — he  radiated  cold.  With  what  calm  and  supreme 
self-satisfaction  did  he  look  down  upon  all  lower  in  the  peer- 
age than  himself!  If  any  one  could  have  ventured  upon  a 
post-mortem  examination  of  so  august  a  structure  as  the 
Earl's  carcass,  his  heart  would  probably  have  been  found  to 
be  the  size  of  a  pea,  and  his  brain  soft  and  flabby;  both, 
however,  equal  to  the  small  occasions  which,  from  time  to 
time,  called  for  the  exercise  of  their  functions.  The  former 
was  occupied  almost  exclusively  by  two  feelings — love  of  him- 
self and  of  his  daughter,  the  latter  exhibited  its  powers  in 
mastering  the  military  details  requisite  for  nominal  soldier- 
ship; the  game  of  whist;  the  routine  of  petty  business  in  the 
House  of  Lords ;  and  the  etiquette  of  the  court. 

One  branch  of  useful  knowledge,  by  the  way,  he  had,  how- 
ever, completely  mastered — that  which  is  so  ably  condensed  in 
Debrett;  and  he  became  a  sort  of  oracle  in  such  matters. 
As  for  his  politics,  he  professed  \Vhig  principles — and  was, 
indeed,  a  bitter  tho  quiet  partisan.  In  attendance  to  his 
senatorial  duties  he  practised  an  exemplary  punctuality; 
was  always  to  be  found  in  the  House  at  its  sitting  and  ris- 
ing, and  never  once,  on  any  occasion  great  or  small,  voted 
against  his  party.  He  had  never  been  heard  to  speak  in  a 
full  House ;  first,  because  he  never  could  muster  nerve  enough 
for  the  purpose;  secondly,  because  he  never  had  anything  to 
say;  and  lastly,  lest  he  should  compromise  his  dignity,  and 
destroy  the  prestige  of  his  position,  by  not  speaking  better 
than  any  one  present.  His  services  were  not,  however,  en- 
tirely overlooked;  for,  on  his  party  coming  into  office  for  a 
few  weeks  (they  knew  it  could  be  for  no  longer  a  time), 
they  made  him  Lord  Steward  of  the  Household ;  which  was 
thenceforward  an  epoch  to  which  he  referred  every  event  of 
his  life,  great  and  small.  The  great  object  of  his  ambition 
was  to  obtain  a  step  in  the  peerage— a  MARQUISATE— at  which 
the  Earl  gazed  with  the  wistful  eye  of  an  old  and  feeble  ape 
looking  at  a  coconut  just  above  his  reach. 

Such  is  an  outline  of  the  character  of  this  great  and  good 
man,  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington.  As  for  his  domestic  and 
family  circumstances,  he  had  been  a  widower  for  some  fifteen 
years,  his  countess  having  brought  him  but  one  child,  Lady 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  181 

Cecilia  Philippa  Leopoldina  Plantagenet,  who  was,  in  almost 
all  respects,  the  counterpart  of  her  illustrious  father.  She  re- 
sembled him  not  a  little  in  feature,  only  that  she  partook  of 
the  plainness  of  her  mother.  Her  complexion  was  delicately 
fair;  but  her  features  had  no  other  expression  than  that  of 
a  languid  hauteur.  Her  upper  eyelids  drooped  as  if  she  could 
hardly  keep  them  open ;  the  upper  jaw  projected  considerably 
over  the  under  one ;  and  her  front  teeth  were  prominent  and 
exposed.  Frigid  and  inanimate,  she  seemed  to  take  but  lit- 
tle interest  in  anything  on  earth.  In  person  she  was  of 
average  height,  of  slender  and  well-proportioned  figure  and 
an  erect  and  graceful  carriage,  only  that  she  had  a  habit 
of  throwing  her  head  a  little  backward,  that  gave  her  a  singu- 
larly disdainful  appearance.  Tho  she  would  be  the  possessor 
of  a  barony  in  her  own  right  and  ^5,000  a  year,  she  had 
reached  her  twenty-seventh  year  without  having  had  an  eligi- 
ble offer  of  marriage ;  a  circumstance  which,  it  may  be  believed, 
not  a  little  embittered  her.  She  inherited  her  father's  pride 
in  all  its  plenitude. 

Ever  since  the  first  Earl  of  Dreddlington  had,  through  a  bit- 
ter pique  conceived  against  his  eldest  son,  the  second  earl, 
diverted  the  principal  family  revenues  to  the  younger  branch, 
leaving  the  title  to  be  supported  by  only  ^"5,000  a  year,  there 
had  been  a  complete  estrangement  between  the  elder  and  the 
younger  branches  of  the  family.  On  Mr.  Aubrey's  attaining 
his  majority,  however,  the  present  earl  sanctioned  the  making 
of  overtures  toward  a  reconciliation,  being  of  opinion  that 
Mr.  Aubrey  and  Lady  Cecilia  might,  by  intermarriage,  effect 
a  happy  reunion  of  family  interests.  Actuated  by  such  con- 
siderations, he  had  done  more  to  conciliate  Mr.  Aubrey  than 
he  had  ever  done  toward  any  one  on  earth.  It  was,  however, 
in  vain.  Aubrey  not  only  declined  to  marry  his  cousin,  but 
clenched  his  refusal,  and  sealed  his  final  exclusion  from  the 
dawning  good  opinion  and  affections  of  the  earl,  by  marry- 
ing some  one  else.  Thenceforth  there  was  a  great  gulf  be- 
tween the  Earl  of  Dreddlington  and  the  Aubreys. 

Such  being  the  relative  position  of  Mr.  Aubrey  and  the  Earl 
of  Dreddlington,  it  is  easy  to  imagine  the  lively  interest  with 
which  the  earl  first  heard  of  the  tidings  that  a  stranger  had 
set  up  a  title  to  the  whole  of  the  Yatton  estates ;  and  the 
silent  but  profound  anxiety  with  which  he  continued  to  re- 


1 82  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

gard  the  progress  of  the  affair.  He  obtained,  by  means  of 
confidential  inquiries  instituted  by  his  solicitor,  a  general 
notion  of  the  nature  of  the  new  claimant's  pretensions;  but, 
with  a  due  regard  of  delicacy  toward  his  unfortunate  kins- 
man, he  studiously  concealed  the  interest  he  felt  in  so  im- 
portant a  family  question  as  the  succession  to  the  Yatton 
property.  The  earl  and  his  daughter  were  exceedingly  anxious 
to  see  the  claimant;  and  when  he  heard  that  that  claimant 
was  a  gentleman  of  "  decided  Whig  principles" — the  earl  was 
very  near  setting  it  down  as  a  sort  of  special  interference  of 
Providence  in  his  favor;  and  one  that,  in  the  natural  order 
of  things,  would  lead  to  the  accomplishment  of  the  other 
wishes  of  the  earl.  When  he  learned  the  result  of  the  trial 
on  his  return  to  London,  he  decided  that  the  time  had  at 
length  arrived  for  him  to  take  decisive  steps;  nay,  duty  to 
his  newly  discovered  kinsman  required  it. 

Messrs.  Titmouse  and  Gammon  were  walking  arm  in  arm 
down  Oxford  Street,  on  their  return  from  some  livery-stables, 
where  they  had  been  looking  at  a  horse  which  Titmouse  was 
thinking  of  purchasing,  when  an  incident  occurred  which  ruf- 
fled him  not  a  little.  He  had  been  recognized  and  publicly 
accosted  by  a  vulgar  fellow  with  a  yard-measure  in  his  hand 
and  a  large  parcel  of  drapery  under  his  arm ;  in  fact,  by  our 
old  friend  Mr.  Huckaback.  In  vain  did  Mr.  Titmouse  affect, 
for  some  time,  not  to  see  his  old  acquaintance,  and  to  be 
earnestly  engaged  in  conversation  with  Mr.  Gammon. 

"Ah,  Titty! — Titmouse!  Well,  Mister  Titmouse — how  are 
you? — Devilish  long  time  since  we  met!"  Titmouse  directed 
a  look  at  him  which  he  wished  could  have  blighted  him,  and 
quickened  his  pace  without  taking  any  further  notice  of  the 
presumptuous  intruder.  Huckaback's  blood  was  up,  however, 
— roused  by  this  ungrateful  and  insolent  treatment  from  one 
who  had  been  under  such  great  obligations  to  him;  and 
quickening  his  pace  also,  he  kept  alongside  with  Titmouse. 

"Ah,"  continued  Huckaback,  "why  do  you  cut  me  in  this 
way,  Titty?  You  aren't  ashamed  of  me,  surely?  Many's 
the  time  you've  tramped  up  and  down  Oxford  Street  with 
your  bundle  and  yard-measure " 

"Fellow!  "at  length  exclaimed  Titmouse  indignantly.  "'Pon 
my  life  I'll  give  you  in  charge  if  you  go  on  so !  Be  off,  you 
low  fellow ! — Dem  vulgar  brute !"  he  subjoined  in  a  lower  tone, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  183 

bursting  into  perspiration,  for  he  had  not  forgotten  the  in- 
solent pertinacity  of  Huckaback's  disposition. 

"My  eyes!  Give  me  in  charge?  Come,  I  like  that,  rather 
— you  vagabond !  Pay  me  what  you  owe  me !  You're  a 
swindler !  You  owe  me  fifty  pounds,  you  do !  You  sent  a 
man  to  rob  me!" 

"Will  any  one  get  a  constable?"  inquired  Titmouse,  who 
had  grown  as  white  as  death. 

Gammon's  interference  was  in  vain.  Huckaback  got  more 
abusive  and  noisy;  no  constable  was  at  hand;  so,  to  escape 
the  intolerable  interruption  and  nuisance,  he  beckoned  a 
coach ;  and  Titmouse  and  he  were  soon  out  of  sight  and  hear- 
ing of  Mr.  Huckaback.  As  they  approached  the  hotel,  they 
observed  a  yellow  chariot  rolling  away  from  the  door. 

"I  wonder  who  that  is,"  said  Gammon;  "it's  an  earl's 
coronet  on  the  panel ;  and  a  white-haired  old  gentleman  was 
sitting  low  down  in  the  corner ' 

"Ah — it's  no  doubt  a  fine  thing  to  be  a  lord,  and  all  that 
— but  I'll  answer  for  it,  some  of  'em's  as  poor  as  a  church- 
mouse,"  replied  Titmouse  as  they  entered  the  hotel.  At  that 
moment  the  waiter  presented  him  with  a  letter  and  a  card, 
which  had  only  the  moment  before  been  left  for  him.  The 
card  ran  thus : 


THE    EARL    OF    DREDDLINGTON. 

GROSVENOR    SQUARE. 


and  there  was  written  on  it,  in  pencil,  in  rather  a  feeble  and 
hurried  character — "  For  Mr.  Titmouse." 

"My  stars,  Mr.  Gammon !"  exclaimed  Mr.  Titmouse  excitedly, 
addressing  Mr.  Gammon,  who  also  seemed  greatly  interested 
by  the  occurrence.  They  both  repaired  to  a  vacant  table  at  the 
extremity  of  the  room ;  and  Titmouse,  with  not  a  little  trep- 
idation, opened  the  ample  envelope,  and  read  as  follows :  . 

"The  Earl  of  Dreddlington  has  the  honor  of  waiting  upon 
Mr.  Titmouse,  in  whom  he  is  very  happy  to  have,  tho  unex- 
pectedly, discovered  so  near  a  kinsman.  On  the  event  which 
has  brought  this  to  pass,  the  Earl  congratulates  himself  not 


1 84  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

less  than  Mr.  Titmouse,  and  hopes  for  the  earliest  opportu- 
nity of  a  personal  introduction. 

"  The  Earl  leaves  town  to-day,  and  will  not  return  till  Mon- 
day next,  on  which  day  he  begs  the  favor  of  Mr.  Titmouse's 
company  to  dinner  at  six  o'clock.  He  may  depend  upon  its 
being  strictly  a  family  reunion;  the  only  person  present,  be- 
sides Mr.  Titmouse  and  the  Earl,  being  the  Lady  Cecilia. 

"Grosvenor  Square,  Thursday." 

As  soon  as  Titmouse  had  read  the  above,  still  holding  it  in 
his  hand,  he  gazed  at  Gammon  with  mute  apprehension  and 
delight;  but  Gammon,  after  reading  over  the  note  once  or 
twice,  seemed  not  much  inclined  for  conversation;  and,  had 
Titmouse  been  accustomed  to  observation,  he  might  have 
gathered  that  that  gentleman's  mind  was  very  deeply  oc- 
cupied by  some  matter  or  other,  probably  suggested  by  the 
incident  which  had  just  taken  place.  Titmouse  called  for 
pens,  ink,  and  paper,  and  prepared  to  reply  to  Lord  Dred- 
dlington's  note.  Gammon,  however,  who  knew  the  peculiar- 
ities of  his  friend's  style  of  correspondence,  suggested  that  he 
should  draw  up  the  note  which  was  to  be  sent  to  Lord  Dred- 
dlington.  Here  it  is  : 

"Mr.  Titmouse  begs  to  present  his  compliments  to  the 
Earl  of  Dreddlington,  and  to  express  the  high  sense  he  enter- 
tains of  the  kind  consideration  evinced  by  his  Lordship  in 
his  call  and  note  of  to-day. 

"  One  of  the  most  gratifying  circumstances  connected  with 
Mr.  Titmouse's  recent  success  is  the  distinguished  alliance 
which  his  Lordship  has  been  so  prompt  and  courteous  in  rec- 
ognizing. Mr.  Titmouse  will  feel  the  greatest  pleasure  in 
availing  himself  of  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington's  invitation  to 
dinner  for  Monday  next." 

"Have  you  a  'Peerage'  here,  waiter?"  inquired  Gammon, 
as  the  waiter  brought  him  a  lighted  taper.  Debrett  was 
shortly  laid  before  him ;  and  turning  to  the  name  of  Dred- 
dlington, he  read  over  what  has  been  already  laid  before  the 
reader.  "Humph — 'Lady  Cecilia? — here  she  is — his  daughter— 
I  thought  as  much — I  see!"  This  was  what  passed  through 
his  mind,  as — having  left  Titmouse,  who  set  off  to  deposit 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


185 


a  card  and  the  above  "answer"  at  Lord  Dreddlington's — 
he  made  his  way  toward  the  delectable  regions  in  which  their 
office  was  situated — Saffron  Hill.  "'Tis  curious — amusing — 
interesting,  to  observe  his  progress — "  continued  Gammon 
to  himself— 


'     TAG-RAG— *nd  hi*  HiMighler. 
QUIRK  —  Ind   lub  d.uighter. 
THE    CARL  of  DREDLIhoroM  *rxi 
his  dfeuhti;r  — 


"  Tag-rag— ^and  his  daughter ; 
*;  Quirk— and  his  daughter; 

*'  The  Earl  of  Dreddlington — and  his  daughter.     How  many 
more?    Happy!  happy!  happy  Titmouse!" 


CHAPTER   XVI 

TELLS    HOW   THE    HERO    DINES   WITH   THE   AUGUST    EARL   OF 

DREDDLINGTON   AND   HIS   DAUGHTER,    THE   GRACIOUS 

LADY  CECILIA;  AND  DESCRIBES  THE  VARIOUS 

ADVENTURES  WHICH  BEFALL  HIM  ON 

THIS  MOMENTOUS  OCCASION 

TITMOUSE'S  dinner  engagement  with  the  Earl  of  Dreddling- 
ton,  his  august  and  awful  kinsman,  was  an  event  of  such 
magnitude  as  to  absorb  almost  all  his  faculties  in  the  contem- 
plation of  it,  and  also  to  cause  him  great  anxiety  in  pre- 
paring for  an  effective  appearance  upon  so  signal  an  occasion. 
Mr.  Gammon  had  repeatedly  instructed  his  anxious  pupil  as 
to  the  manner  in  which  he  ought  to  behave.  He  was — Heaven 
save  the  mark,  poor  Titmouse  !  — to  assume  an  air  of  mingled 
deference,  self-possession,  and  firmness;  not  to  be  overawed 
by  the  greatness  with  which  he  would  be  brought  into  con- 
tact, nor  unduly  elated  by  a  sense  of  his  own  suddenly  ac- 
quired importance.  He  was,  on  the  other  hand,  to  steer 
evenly  between  the  extremes  of  timorousness  and  temerity — 
Titmouse  was  to  remember  that,  great  as  was  the  Earl  of 
Dreddlington,  he  was  yet  but  a  man — related,  too,  by  con- 
sanguinity, to  him,  the  aforesaid  Titmouse,  who  might,  more- 
over, before  many  years  should  have  elapsed,  become  himself 
Earl  of  Dreddlington,  or  at  least  Lord  Drelincourt.  At  the 
same  time  the  Earl's  advanced  years  gave  him  a  natural 
claim  to  the  respect  and  deference  of  his  young  kinsman, 
Titmouse  might  derive  consolation  from  the  reflection  that 
his  income  probably  exceeded  by  a  third  that  of  the  Earl  of 
Dreddlington. 

This  is  the  sum  of  Mr.  Gammon's  general  instructions  to 
his  eager  and  excited  pupil;  but  he  also  gave  Titmouse  many 
minor  hints  and  suggestions.  He  was  to  drink  very  little 
wine — (whereat  Titmouse  demurred  somewhat  vehemently, 
and  asked  "How  the  d — 1  he  was  to  get  his  steam  upi"} 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  187 

— and  on  no  account  to  call  for  beer  or  porter,  to  which 
plebeian  beverages,  indeed,  he  might  consider  himself  as  having 
bid  a  long  and  last  adieu; — to  say  "my  Lord"  and  "your 
Lordship"  in  addressing  the  Earl — and  "your  Ladyship"  in 
addressing  Lady  Cecilia; — and,  above  all,  he  was  never  to 
appear  in  a  hurry,  but  do  and  say  whatever  he  had  to 
do  and  say  calmly;  for  the  nerves  of  the  aristocracy  were 
very  delicate,  and  could  not  bear  a  bustle  or  the  slight- 
est display  of  energy  or  feeling.  Then,  as  to  his  dress — 
Gammon,  feeling  himself  treading  on  very  doubtful  ground, 
intimated  merely  that  the  essence  of  true  fashion  was 
simplicity — but  here  Titmouse  grew  fidgety,  and  his  Mentor 
ceased. 

During  the  night  which  ushered  in  the  eventful  day,  our 
friend  got  but  very  little  sleep.  Early  in  the  morning  he  en- 
gaged a  most  respectable  glass-coach  to  convey  him  west- 
ward in  something  like  style;  and  before  noon,  his  anxieties 
were  set  at  rest  by  the  punctual  arrival  of  various  articles  of 
dress  and  decoration  and  scent — for  Titmouse  had  a  great 
idea  of  scents.  As  for  his  new  watch  and  its  brilliant  gold 
guard-chain,  his  eyes  gloated  upon  them.  What,  he  thought, 
should  he  have  been  without  them !  About  half-past  three 
o'clock  he  retired  to  his  bedroom  and  resigned  himself  into 
the  hands  of  the  tiptop  hairdresser  from  the  Strand  whose 
agreeable  manipulations  and  still  more  agreeable  small-talk 
occupied  upward  of  an  hour.  After  coming  from  that  func- 
tionary's hands,  he  devoted  himself  to  the  other  important 
duties  of  the  toilet. 

It  took  him  a  good  while ;  but  in  the  end  he  was  supremely 
successful.  He  wore  black  tights  (*>.,  pantaloons  fitting 
closely  to  his  legs,  and  tied  around  his  ankles  with  black 
ribbons),  silk  stockings,  and  shoes  with  glittering  silver 
buckles.  His  white  neckerchief  was  tied  with  great  elegance, 
not  a  wrinkle  superfluous  being  visible  in  it.  His  shirt-front, 
of  lace,  had  two  handsome  diamond  pins,  connected  together 
by  a  little  delicate  gold  chain,  glistening  in  the  middle  of  it. 
Then  he  had  a  white  waistcoat  edge,  next  a  crimson  one, 
and  lastly  a  glorious  sky-blue  satin  waistcoat,  spangled  all 
over  with  gold  flowers  inwrought — and  across  it  hung  his 
new  gold  watch-guard,  and  his  silver  guard  for  his  eyeglass, 
producing  an  inconceivably  fine  effect.  His  coat  was  light- 


1 88  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

brown,  of  exquisite  cut,  fitting  him  as  closely  as  if  he  had 
been  born  in  it,  and  with  burnished  brass  buttons  of 
sugar-loaf  shape.  .Thus  habited,  he  stood  before  his  glass, 
bowing  fifty  different  times,  and  adjusting  his  expression  to 
various  elegant  forms  of  address.  He  was  particularly  struck 
with  the  combined  effect  of  the  two  side-locks  of  his  hair 
curling  toward  each  eye,  and  of  the  hair  underneath  his 
chin  curving  upward  on  each  side  of  his  mouth  in  complete 
symmetry. 

.When  at  length  his  labors  had  been  completed,  he  felt  great 
composure  of  mind  and  a  consciousness  of  the  decisive  effect 
he  must  produce  upon  those  into  whose  presence  he  was  soon 
to  be  ushered.  His  "carriage"  was  presently  announced; 
and,  after  keeping  it  standing  a  few  minutes,  merely  for 
form's  sake,  he  gently  placed  his  hat  upon  his  head,  drew  on 
one  glove,  took  his  little  ebony  cane  in  his  hand,  and,  with 
a  hurried  inward  prayer  that  he  might  be  equal  to  the  oc- 
casion, stepped  forth  from  his  apartment  and  passed  on  to 
the  glass-coach.  Such  a  brillant  little  figure  had  never  before 
issued,  nor  will  perhaps  ever  again  issue,  from  the  Cabbage- 
Stalk  Hotel.  The  waiters  whom  he  passed  inclined  toward 
him  with  instinctive  reverence.  He  was  -very  fine,  to  be  sure; 
but  who,  they  justly  thought,  could  be  dressed  too  finely 
that  had  ten  thousand  a  year,  and  was  going  to  dine  with 
a  lord  in  Grosvenor  Square? 

At  each  side  of  Lord  Dreddlington's  house  were  carriages 
setting  down  with  tremendous  uproar.  Mr.  Titmouse  felt  his 
color  going,  and  his  heart  began  to  beat  much  faster  than 
usual.  'Twas  quite  in  vain  that  he  "hemmed"  two  or  three 
times  by  way  of  trying  to  reassure  himself — he  felt  that  his 
hour  was  come;  and  he  would  have  been  glad  at  the  mo- 
ment for  any  decent  excuse  for  driving  off  home  again,  and 
putting  off  the  evil  day  a  little  longer.  Opposite  the  dreaded 
door  had  now  drawn  up  Mr.  Titmouse's  glass-coach;  and 
the  coachman,  slowly  alighting,  threw  the  reins  on  his  quiet 
horses'  backs,  and  gave  a  modest  rat-tat-tat  at  the  door 
without  ringing. 

"What  name  shall  I  give,  sir?"  said  he,  returning  to  his 
coach. 

"Titmouse — Mr.  Titmouse,"  replied  our  hero  hurriedly,  as 
the  lofty  door  was  thrown  open  by  the  corpulent  porter,  dis- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


189 


closing  several  footmen,  with  powdered  heads,  standing  in 
the  hall  waiting  for  him. 
"  Mr.  Titmouse ! "  exclaimed  the  coachman  to  the  servants  : 


/ 

•   ,'  M,  Jf  f>M 

v?  I*  :M 


'"  D  —  m«  .  Jii  --  tiorit  bother  trio  ! 


then,  addressing  again  his  flustered  fare  —  "  When  shall  I  come 
back  for  you,  sir?" 
"D—  me,  sir—  don't    bother  me"   faltered  Titmouse;    and 


190  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

the  next  moment  he  was  in  the  hands  of  the  Philistines — the 
door  was  closed  upon  him.  All  his  presence  of  mind  had 
evaporated;  the  excellent  lessons  given  him  by  Mr.  Gammon 
had  disappeared  like  breath  upon  the  polished  mirror. 

Tho  Lord  Dreddlington's  servants  had  never  before  seen 
in  the  house  so  strange  an  object  as  poor  little  Titmouse, 
they  were  of  far  too  highly  polished  manners  to  appear  to 
notice  anything  unusual.  They  silently  motioned  him  up- 
stairs with  a  bland  courteous  air,  he  carrying  his  little  agate- 
headed  cane  in  one  hand  and  his  new  hat  in  the  other.  A 
gentlemanly  person  in  a  full  black  dress  suit  opened  the 
drawing-room  door  for  him,  with  an  elegant  inclination,  which 
Titmouse  very  gracefully  returned.  A  faint  mist  seemed  to  be 
in  the  drawing-room  for  a  second  Or  two;  quickly  clearing 
away,  however,  Titmouse  beheld,  at  the  upper  end,  but  two 
figures,  that  of  an  old  gentleman  and  a  young  lady — in  fact, 
the  Earl  of  Dreddlington  and  Lady  Cecilia. 

Now  that  great  man  had  not  been  a  whit  behindhand, 
in  the  matter  of  dress,  with  the  little  creature  now  trembling 
before  him,  being,  in  truth,  full  as  anxious  to  make  an  effec- 
tive first  appearance  in  the  eyes  of  Titmouse  as  he  in  those 
of  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington.  And  each  had  succeeded  in  his 
way.  There  was  little  or  no  substantial  difference  between 
them.  The  Right  Honorable  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington  was  an 
old  experienced  fool,  and  Tittlebat  Titmouse  a  young  inex- 
perienced one.  We  have  seen  how  anxious  was  our  little  friend 
to  appear  as  became  the  occasion  before  his  great  kinsman; 
who,  in  his  turn,  had  several  times  during  the  day  exulted 
secretly  in  the  anticipation  of  the  impression  which  must  be 
produced  upon  the  mind  of -Titmouse  by  the  sudden  display, 
in  the  Earl's  person,  of  the  sublimest  distinctions  which, 
short  of  royalty,  society  can  bestow. 

It  had  once  or  twice  occurred  to  the  Earl  whether  he  could 
find  any  fair  excuse  for  appearing  in  his  full  general's  uniform ; 
but  on  maturer  reflection,  governed  by  that  simplicity  and 
severity  of  taste  which  ever  distinguished  him,  he  abandoned 
that  idea,  and  appeared  in  a  plain  blue  coat,  white  waistcoat, 
and  black  knee-breeches.  But  on  his  left  breast  glittered  one 
or  two  foreign  orders,  and  across  his  waistcoat  was  the  broad 
red  ribbon  of  the  Bath.  His  hair  was  white  and  fine;  his 
cold  blue  eye  and  haughty  lip  gave  him  an  expression  of 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  191 

severe  dignity ;  and  he  stood  erect  as  an  arrow.  Lady  Cecilia 
reclined  on  the  sofa,  with  an  air  of  languor  and  ennui  that 
had  become  habitual  with  her,  and  was  dressed  in  glisten- 
ing white  satin,  with  a  necklace  of  large  and  very  beautiful 
pearls. 

The  Earl  was  standing  in  an  attitude  of  easy  grace  to  re- 
ceive his  guest,  as  to  whose  figure  and  height,  by  the  way, 
he  was  quite  in  the  dark — Mr.  Titmouse  might  be  a  great 
or  a  little  man,  and  forward  or  bashful,  and  require  a  cor- 
responding demeanor  and  address  on  the  part  of  the  Earl. 
"Ah,  my  God!"  involuntarily  exclaimed  Lord  Dreddling- 
ton  to  himself  the  instant  his  eye  caught  sight  of  Titmouse, 
who  approached  slowly,  making  profound  and  formal  obei- 
sances. The  Earl  stood  rooted  to  the  spot  he  had  occupied 
when  Titmouse  entered.  If  his  servants  had  turned  an  ape 
into  the  drawing-room,  the  Earl  could  scarcely  have  felt  or 
exhibited  greater  amazement  than  he  now  experienced  for  a 
moment.  "Ah,  my  God!"  thought  he,  "what  fool  have  we 
here?  What  creature  is  this?"  Then  it  flashed  across  his 
mind:  "May  this  be  THE  FUTURE  LORD  DRELINCOURT?"  He 
was  on  the  point  of  recoiling  from  his  suddenly  discovered 
kinsman  in  dismay  (as  for  Lady  Cecilia,  she  gazed  at  him, 
through  the  glass,  in  silent  horror,  after  a  faint  exclamation, 
on  his  first  becoming  visible,  of  " Gracious !  Papa!"),  when 
his  habitual  self-command  came  to  his  assistance,  and,  ad- 
vancing very  slowly  a  step  or  two  toward  Titmouse — who, 
after  a  hurried  glance  around  him,  saw  no  place  to  deposit 
his  hat  and  cane  upon  except  the  floor,  on  which  he  accord- 
ingly dropped  them — the  Earl  extended  his  hand,  slightly 
compressed  the  tips  of  Titmouse's  fingers,  and  bowed  cour- 
teously, but  with  infinite  concern  in  his  features. 

"  I  am  happy,  Mr.  Titmouse,  to  make  your  acquaintance," 
said  the  Earl  slowly.  "  Sir,  I  have  the  honor  to  present  you 
to  my  daughter,  the  Lady  Cecilia."  Titmouse,  who  by  this 
time  had  got  into  a  sort  of  cold  sweat — a  condition  from 
which  the  Earl  was  really  not  very  far  removed — made  a  very 
profound  and  formal  bow  (he  had  been  taking  lessons  from 
a  posture-master  at  one  of  the  theaters),  first  to  the  Earl, 
and  then  to  Lady  Cecilia,  who  rose  about  two  inches  from 
the  sofa  and  then  sank  again  upon  it,  without  removing  her 
eyes  from  the  figure  of  Titmouse,  who  went  on  bowing,  first 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  193 

to  the  one  and  then  to  the  other,  till  the  Earl  had  engaged 
him  in  conversation. 

"  It  gives  me  pleasure,  sir,  to  see  that  you  are  punctual  in 
your  engagements.  I  am  so,  too,  sir,  and  owe  no  small  por- 
tion of  my  success  in  life  to  it.  Punctuality,  sir,  in  small 
matters  leads  to  punctuality  in  great  matters."  This  was 
said  in  a  very  deliberate  and  pompous  manner. 

"Oh,  yes,  my  lord!  quite  so,  your  lordship,"  stammered 
Titmouse,  suddenly  recollecting  a  part  of  Gammon's  instruc- 
tions; "to  be  sure — wouldn't  have  been  behindtime,  your 
lordship,  for  a  minute,  my  lord;  uncommon  bad  manners, 
if  it  pleases  your  lordship " 

"Will  you  be  seated,  sir?"  interrupted  the  Earl,  deliberately 
motioning  him  to  a  chair,  and  then  sitting  down  beside  him ; 
after  which  the  Earl  seemed,  for  a  second  or  two,  to  forget 
himself,  staring  in  silence  at  Titmouse,  and  then  in  consterna- 
tion at  Lady  Cecilia.  "I — I — "  said  he,  suddenly  recollecting 
himself — "  beg  your  par — sir,  I  mean  I  congratulate  you  upon 
your  recent  success.  Sir,  it  must  have  been  rather  a  surprise 
to  you?" 

"Oh,  yes,  sir — my  lord,  most  uncommon,  may  it  please  your 
lordship — particular — but  right  is  right— please  your  lord- 
ship— 

["  O  Heavens !  merciful  Heavens !  How  horrid  is  all  this ! 
Am  I  awake  or  only  dreaming?  'Tis  an  idiot — and  what's 
worse,  a  vulgar  idiot.  My  God !  And  this  thing  may  be  Lord 
Drelincourt"  This  was  what  was  passing  through  Lord 
Dreddlington's  mind  while  his  troubled  eye  was  fixed  upon 
Titmouse.] 

"It  is,  indeed,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  replied  his  lordship,  "very 
true;  sir,  what  you  say  is  correct.  Quite  so;  exactly."  His 
eye  was  fixed  on  Titmouse,  but  his  words  were  uttered,  as 
it  were,  mechanically,  and  in  a  musing  manner.  It  flitted 
for  a  moment  across  his  mind  whether  he  should  ring  the 
bell  and  order  the  servant  to  show  out  of  the  house  the 
fearful  imp  that  had  just  been  shown  into  it;  but  at  that 
critical  moment  he  detected  poor  Titmouse's  eye  fixed  with 
a  kind  of  reverent  intensity  upon  his  lordship's  glittering  or- 
ders. 'Twas  a  lucky  look,  that,  for  Titmouse,  for  it  began  to 
melt  away  the  ice  that  was  getting  round  the  little  heart  of 
his  august  relative.  'Twas  evident  that  the  poor  young  man 
13 


194  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

had  not  been  accustomed  to  society,  thought  the  Earl  with 
an  approach  toward  the  compassionate  mood.  He  was 
frightfully  dressed,  to  be  sure ;  and  as  for  his  speech,  he  was 
manifestly  overawed  by  the  Presence  in  which  he  found  him- 
self (that  thought  melted  a  little  more  of  the  ice).  Yet, 
was  it  not  evident  that  he  had  some  latent  power  of  apprecia- 
ting real  distinction  when  he  beheld  it?  (The  little  heart 
here  lost  all  the  ice  that  had  begun  so  suddenly  to  incrust 
it.)  And  again,  he  has  actually  thrust  out  the  intolerable 
Aubrey,  and  is  now  lawful  owner  of  Yatton — of  TEN  THOUSAND 
A  YEAR 

"Did  you  see  the  review  to-day,  sir?"  inquired  the  Earl, 
rather  blandly.  "His  Majesty  was  there,  sir,  and  seemed  to 
enjoy  the  scene."  Titmouse  with  a  timid  air  said  that  he 
had  not  seen  it,  as  he  had  been  upon  the  river.  After  a 
few  more  general  observations — "Will  you  permit  me,  sir? 
It  is  from  A  QUARTER  requiring  the  highest — a-hem  !"  said  the 
Earl  as  a  note  was  brought  him,  which  he  immediately  opened 
and  read.  As  Lady  Cecilia  also  appeared  engaged  in  read- 
ing, Titmouse  had  a  moment's  breathing  time  and  interval 
of  relief.  What  would  he  have  given,  he  thought,  for  some 
other  person,  or  several  persons,  to  come  in  and  divide  the 
attention — the  intolerably  oppressive  attention  of  the  two 
august  individuals  then  before  him ! 

He  seized  the  opportunity  to  cast  a  furtive  glance  around 
the  room.  It  opened  into  a  second,  which  opened  into  a 
third :  how  spacious  each  and  lofty !  And  glittering  glass 
chandeliers  in  each  !  What  chimney  and  pier  glasses !  What 
rich  crimson  satin  curtains — they  must  have  cost  twelve  or 
fourteen  shillings  a  yard  at  least! — The  carpets  of  the  finest 
Brussels — and  they  felt  like  velvet  to  the  feet;  then  the 
brackets,  of  marble  and  gold,  with  snowy  statues  and  vases 
glistening  upon  each ;  chairs  so  delicate,  and  gilded  all  over — 
he  almost  feared  to  sit  down  on  them.  Then  there  was  the 
Lady  Cecilia — a  lady  of  high  rank !  How  rich  her  dress — 
and  how  haughtily  beautiful  she  looked  as  she  reclined  upon 
the  sofa !  And  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington — there  he  was,  read- 
ing, doubtless,  some  letter  from  the  King  or  one  of  the  royal 
family — a  man  of  great  rank — resplendent  in  his  decorations 
— all  just  as  he  had  seen  in  pictures  and  heard  and  read  of 
—what  must  that  red  ribbon  have  cost?  He  had  never 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  195 

seen  any  of  such  a  breadth.  It  must  have  been  manu- 
factured on  purpose  for  the  Earl !  How  white  were  his 
hands !  And  he  had  an  antique  massive  signet-ring  on 
his  forefinger,  and  two  glittering  rings  at  least  on  each 
of  his  little  fingers — positively  Titmouse  at  length  began  to 
regard  him  almost  as  a  god :  and  yet  the  amazing  thought 
occurred  that  this  august  being  was  allied  to  him  by  the 
ties  of  relationship ! 

The  gentleman  in  black  just  then  entered  the  room,  and, 
advancing  slowly  and  noiselessly  toward  the  Earl,  said,  in 
a  quiet  manner,  "  Dinner,  my  lord,"  and  retired.  Into  what 
new  scenes  of  splendid  embarrassment  was  this  the  signal 
for  Mr.  Titmouse's  introduction?  thought  our  friend,  and 
trembled. 

"Mr.  Titmouse,  will  you  give  your  arm  to  the  Lady  Ce- 
cilia?" said  the  Earl,  motioning  him  to  the  sofa.  Up  jumped 
Titmouse,  and  approached  hastily  the  recumbent  beauty,  who 
languidly  arose,  arranged  her  train  with  one  hand,  and  with 
the  other  having  drawn  on  her  glove,  just  barely  touched 
the  proffered  arm  of  Titmouse,  extended  toward  her  at  a 
very  acute  angle,  and  at  right  angles  with  his  own  body — 
stammering,  "Honor  to  take  your  ladyship — uncommon 
proud — this  way,  my  lady."  Lady  Cecilia  took  no  more 
notice  of  him  than  if  he  had  been  a  dumb  waiter,  walking 
beside  him  in  silence — the  Earl  following.  To  think  that  a 
nobleman  of  high  rank  was  walking  behind  him ! 

Would  to  heaven,  thought  the  embarrassed  Titmouse,  that 
he  had  two  fronts,  one  for  the  Earl  behind,  and  the  other  to 
be  turned  full  toward  Lady  Cecilia !  The  tall  servants,  pow- 
dered and  in  light  blue  liveries,  stood  like  a  guard  of  honor 
around  the  dining-room  door.  That  room  was  extensive  and 
lofty :  what  a  solitary  sort  of  state  were  they  about  to  dine 
in !  Titmouse  felt  cold,  tho  it  was  summer,  and  trembled 
as  he  followed,  rather  than  led,  his  haughty  partner  to  her 
seat;  and  then  was  motioned  into  his  own  by  the  Earl,  him- 
self sitting  down  opposite  a  chased  silver  soup-tureen !  A 
servant  stood  behind  Lady  Cecilia  and  Titmouse;  also  on  the 
left  of  the  Earl,  while  on  his  right,  between  his  lordship  and 
the  glistening  sideboard,  stood  a  portly  gentleman  in  black, 
with  a  bald  head  and  a  somewhat  haughty  countenance. 

Though  Titmouse  had  touched  nothing  since  breakfast,  he 


196  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

felt  not  the  slightest  inclination  to  eat,  and  would  have  given 
the  world  to  have  dared  to  say  as  much,  and  be  at  once 
relieved  from  a  vast  deal  of  anxiety.  Titmouse  got  through 
the  soup — of  which  about  half-a-dozen  spoonfuls  only  were 
put  into  his  plate — pretty  fairly.  Anywhere  else  than  at  Lord 
Dreddlington's,  Titmouse  would  have  thought  it  thin  watery 
stuff  with  a  few  green  things  chopped  up  and  swimming  in 
it;  but  now  he  perceived  that  it  had  a  very  superior  flavor. 
How  some  red  mullet,  enclosed  in  paper,  puzzled  poor  Tit: 
mouse,  is  best  known  to  himself. 

"  The  Lady  Cecilia  will  take  wine  with  you,  Mr.  Titmouse, 
I  dare  say,"  observed  the  Earl;  and  in  a  moment's  time, 
but  with  perfect  deliberation,  the  servants  poured  wine  into 
the  two  glasses.  "  Your  ladyship's  health,  my  lady,"  fal- 
tered Titmouse.  She  slightly  bowed,  and  a  faint  smile  glim- 
mered at  the  corners  of  her  mouth,  but  unobserved  by  Tit- 
mouse. 

"I  think  you  said,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  quoth  the  Earl,  some 
time  afterward,  "that  you  had  not  yet  taken  possession  of 
Yatton?" 

"No,  my  lord;  but  I  go  down  the  day  after  to-morrow — 
quite — if  I  may  say  it,  my  lord — quite  in  style,"  answered 
Titmouse,  in  a  style  of  humble  and  hesitating  jocularity. 

"Ha,  ha!"  exclaimed  the  Earl  gently. 

"  Had  you  any  acquaintance  with  the  Aubreys,  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse?" inquired  the  Lady  Cecilia. 

"No,  my  lady." 

"Do  you  form  a  new  establishment  at  Yatton,  sir?"  in- 
quired the  Earl,  "  or  take  to  any  part  of  that  of  your  pred- 
ecessor ?" 

"I  have  not,  please  your  lordship,  made  up  my  mind  yet 
exactly — should  like  to  know  your  lordship's  opinion." 

"  Why,  sir,  I  should  be  governed  by  circumstances — by  cir- 
cumstances, sir;  when  you  get  there,  sir,  you  will  be  better 
able  to  judge  of  the  course  you  should  pursue." 

"Do  you  intend,  Mr.  Titmouse,  to  live  in  town,  or  in  the 
country?"  inquired  Lady  Cecilia. 

"A  little  of  both,  my  lady — but  mostly  in  town;  because, 
as  your  ladyship  sees,  the  country  is  devilish  dull — 'pon  my 
life,  my  lady — my  lord — beg  a  thousand  pardons,"  he  added, 
bowing  to  both,  and  blushing  violently.  Here  he  had  com- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


197 


mitted  himself;  but  his  august  companions  bowed  to  him 
very  kindly,  and  he  presently  recovered  his  self-possession. 

"Are  you  fond  of  hunting,  Mr.  Titmouse?"  inquired  the 
Earl. 

"  Why,  my  lord,  can't  exactly  say  that  I  am — but,  your  lord- 
ship sees,  cases  alter  circumstances,  and  when  I  get  down 
there  among  the  country  gents,  p'r'aps  I  may  do  as  they  do, 
my  lord." 

"I  presume,  Mr.  Titmouse,  you  have  scarcely  chosen  a 
town  residence  yet?"  inquired  Lady  Cecilia. 


VvKen   1  got  down 
the  country    gents 
I   rrvay  do  as  t-Hey  do.rnv  lord  * 


"No,  my  lady  —  not  fixed  it  yet  —  was  thinking  of  taking 
Mr.  Aubrey's  house  in  Grosvenor  Street,  understanding  it  is 
to  be  sold;"  then  turning  toward  the  Earl,  "because,  as  your 
lordship  sees,  I  was  thinking  of  getting  into  both  the  nests  of 
the  old  birds,  while  both  are  warm,"  he  added,  with  a  very 
faint  smile. 

"  Exactly  ;  yes  —  I  see,  sir  —  I  understand  you,"  replied  Lord 
Dreddlington,  sipping  his  wine.  His  manner  rather  discom- 


198  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

posed  Titmouse,  to  whom  it  then  very  naturally  occurred  that 
the  Earl  might  be  warmly  attached  to  the  Aubreys,  and  not 
relish  their  being  spoken  of  so  lightly;  so  Titmouse  hastily  and 
anxiously  added — "your  lordship  sees  I  was  most  particular 
sorry  to  make  the  Aubreys  turn  out.  A  most  uncommon  re- 
spectable gent,  Mr.  Aubrey  :  I  assure  your  lordship  I  think  so." 

"  I  had  not  the  honor  of  his  acquaintance,  sir,"  replied  the 
Earl  coldly  and  with  exceeding  stiffness,  which  flustered  Tit- 
mouse not  a  little;  and  a  pause  occurred  in  the  conversation 
for  a  minute  or  two.  Dinner  had  now  considerably  advanced, 
and  Titmouse  was  beginning  to  grow  a  little  familiar  with  the 
routine  of  matters.  Remembering  Gammon's  caution  concern- 
ing the  wine,  and  also  observing  how  very  little  was  drunk  by 
the  Earl  and  Lady  Cecilia,  Titmouse  did  the  same,  and  dur- 
ing the  whole  of  dinner  had  scarcely  three  full  glasses  of  wine. 

"  How  long  is  it,"  inquired  the  Earl,  addressing  his  daugh- 
ter, "since  they  took  that  house?"  Lady  Cecilia  could  not 
say.  "Stay — now  I  recollect — surely  it  was  just  before  my 
appointment  to  the  Household.  Yes;  it  was  about  that 
time,  I  now  recollect.  I  am  alluding,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  continued 
the  Earl,  addressing  him  in  a  very  gracious  manner,  "  to  an 
appointment  under  the  Crown  of  some  little  distinction, 
which  I  was  solicited  to  accept,  at  the  personal  instance  of 
his  Majesty,  on  the  occasion  of  our  party  coming  into  power 
— I  mean  that  of  Lord  Steward  of  the  Household." 

"  Dear  me,  my  lord !  Indeed !  Only  to  think,  your  lord- 
ship !"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  with  infinite  deference  in  his  man- 
ner, which  encouraged  the  Earl  to  proceed. 

<k  That,  sir,  was  an  office  of  great  importance,  and  I  had 
some  hesitation  in  undertaking  its  responsibility.  But,  sir, 
when  I  had  once  committed  myself  to  my  sovereign  and  my 
country,  I  resolved  to  give  them  my  best  services.  I  had 
formed  plans  for  effecting  very  extensive  alterations,  sir,  in 
that  department  of  the  public  service,  which  I  have  no  doubt 
would  have  given  great  satisfaction  to  the  country  as  soon 
as  the  nature  of  my  intentions  became  generally  understood ; 
when  faction,  sir,  unfortunately  prevailed,  and  we  were  com- 
pelled to  relinquish  office." 

"  Dear  me,  my  lord !  How  particular  sorry  I  am  to  hear  it, 
my  lord!"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  as  he  gazed  at  the  baffled 
statesman  with  an  expression  of  respectful  sympathy. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  199 

"Sir,  it  gives  me  sincere  satisfaction,"  said  the  Earl,  after 
a  pause,  "to  hear  that  our  political  opinions  agree " 

"  Oh,  yes !  my  lord,  quite ;  sure  of  that " 

"I  assure  you,  sir,  that  some  little  acquaintance  with  the 
genius  and  spirit  of  the  British  constitution  has  satisfied  me 
that  this  country  can  never  be  safely  or  advantageously 
governed  except  on  sound  Whig  principles."  He  paused. 

"Yes,  my  lord;  it's  quite  truo;  your  lordship "  inter- 
posed Titmouse  reverentially. 

"  That,  sir,  is  the  only  way  I  know  of  by  which  aristocratic 
institutions  can  be  brought  to  bear  effectively  upon,  to  blend 
harmoniously  with,  the  interests  of  the  lower  orders — the 
people,  Mr.  Titmouse."  Titmouse  thought  this  wonderfully 
fine,  and  sat  listening  as  to  an  oracle  of  political  wisdom. 
The  Earl,  observing  it,  began  to  form  a  much  higher  opinion 
of  his  little  kinsman.  He  resumed  with  great  dignity:  "The 
unfortunate  gentleman,  your  predecessor  at  Yatton,  sir,  if 
he  had  but  allowed  himself  to  have  been  guided  by  those 
who  had  mixed  in  public  affairs  before  he  was  born — 

"'Pon  my  word,  my  lord,  he  was,  I've  heard,  a  d d 

Tory! — O  my  lady!  my  lord!  humbly  beg  pardon,"  he 
added,  turning  pale;  but  the  fatal  word  had  been  uttered, 
and  heard  by  both;  and  he  felt  as  if  he  could  have  sunk 
through  the  floor. 

"  Shall  I  have  the  honor  of  taking  another  glass  of  wine 
with  you,  sir  ?"  inquired  the  Earl,  rather  gravely  and  severely, 
as  if  wishing  Mr.  Titmouse  fully  to  appreciate  the  fearful 
breach  of  etiquette  of  which  he  had  just  been  guilty.  After 
they  had  bowed  to  each  other,  a  very  awkward  pause  oc- 
curred, which  was  at  length  broken  by  the  considerate  Lady 
Cecilia. 

"  Are  you  fond  of  the  opera,  Mr.  Titmouse  ?" 

"Very,  my  lady — most  particular,"  replied  Titmouse,  who 
had  been  there  once  only. 

"  Do  you  prefer  the  opera,  or  the  ballet  ?  I  mean  the  music 
or  the  dancing?" 

"Oh,  I  understand  your  ladyship.  Ton  my  word,  my  lady, 
I  prefer  them  both.  The  dancing  is  most  uncommon  superior, 
tho  I  must  say,  my  lady,  the  lady  dancers  there  do  most  un- 
commonly— rather,  I  should  say "  He  stopped  abruptly; 

his  face  flushed,  and  he  felt  as  if  he  had  burst  into  a  perspira- 


200  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

tion.  What  the  deuce  was  he  about?  It  seemed  as  if  some 
devil  within  were  urging  him  on,  from  time  to  time,  to  com- 
mit himself.  Good  gracious !  another  word,  and  out  would 
have  come  his  opinion  as  to  the  shocking  indecency  of  the 
ballet ! 

"  I  understand  you,  sir ;  I  quite  agree  with  you,"  said  Lady 
Cecilia  calmly;  "the  ballet  does  come  on  at  a  sad  late  hour; 
I  often  wish  they  would  now  and  then  have  the  ballet  first." 

"'Pon  my  life,  my  lady,"  quoth  Titmouse,  eagerly  snatch- 
ing at  the  plank  that  was  thrown  to  him;  "that  is  what  I 
meant — nothing  else,  upon  my  soul,  your  ladyship." 

"Do  you  intend  taking  a  box  there,  Mr.  Titmouse?"  in- 
quired her  ladyship,  with  an  appearance  of  interest  in  the 
expected  answer. 

"Why,  your  ladyship,  they  say  a  box  there  is  a. precious 
long  figure;  but  in  course,  my  lady,  when  I've  got  to  rights 
a  little  with  my  property — your  ladyship  understands — I  shall 
do  the  correct  thing." 

Here  a  very  long  pause  ensued.  How  dismally  quiet  and 
deliberate  was  everything !  The  very  servants,  how  noise- 
lessly they  waited !  Everything  done  just  when  it  was 
wanted,  yet  no  hurry  or  bustle  or  noise ;  and  they  looked  so 
composed— so  much  at  their  ease !  He  fancied  that  they  had 
scarce  anything  else  to  do  than  look  at  him  and  watch  all 
his  movements,  which  greatly  embarrassed  him,  and  he  began 
to  hate  them.  He  tried  hard  to  inspirit  himself  with  a  re- 
flection upon  his  own  suddenly  acquired  and  really  great 
personal  importance;  absolute  master  of  Ten  Thousand  a- 
Year,  a  relation  of  the  great  man  at  whose  table  he  sat,  and 
whose  hired  servants  they  were;  but  then  his  timorously 
raised  eye  would  light,  for  instance,  upon  the  splendid  in- 
signia of  the  Earl,  and  he  felt  as  oppressed  as  ever.  What 
would  he  not  have  given  for  a  few  minutes'  interval  and 
sense  of  complete  freedom  and  independence?  And  were  these 
to  be  his  feelings  ever  hereafter  ?  Was  this  the  sort  of  tremu- 
lous apprehension  of  offense,  and  embarrassment  as  to  his 
every  move,  to  which  he  was  to  be  doomed  in  high  life?  Oh 
that  he  had  but  been  born  to  it,  like  the  Earl  and  the  Lady 
Cecilia ! 

"Were  you  ever  in  the  House  of  Lords,  Mr.  Titmouse?" 
inquired  Lord  Dreddlington  suddenly,  after  casting  about  for 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  201 

some  little  time  for  a  topic  on  which  he  might  converse  with 
Titmouse. 

"No,  my  lord,  never — should  most  uncommon  like  to  see 
it,  my  lord,"  replied  Titmouse  eagerly. 

"  Certainly,  it  is  an  impressive  spectacle,  sir,  and  well  worth 
seeing." 

"  I  suppose,  my  lord,  your  lordship  goes  there  every  day  ?" 

"Why,  sir,  I  believe  I  am  pretty  punctual  in  my  attendance. 
I  was  there  to-day,  sir,  till  the  House  rose.  Sir,  I  am  of 
opinion  that  hereditary  legislators — a  practical  anomaly  in  a 
free  state  like  this,  but  one  which  has  innumerable  unperceived 
advantages  to  recommend  it — sir,  our  country  expects  at  our 
hands,  in  discharge  of  so  grave  a  trust — in  short,  if  we  were 
not  to  be  true  to — we  who  are  in  a  peculiar  sense  the  guard- 
ians of  public  liberty — if  we  were  once  to  betray  our  trust — 

let  me  trouble  you,  sir,  for  a  little  of  that ,"  said  the 

Earl,  using  some  foreign  word  which  Titmouse  had  never 
heard  of  before,  and  looking  toward  a  delicately  constructed 
fabric,  as  of  compressed  snow,  that  stood  before  Titmouse; 
a  servant  stood  in  a  twinkling  beside  him  with  his  lordship's 
plate. 

Ah,  me !  that  I  should  have  to  relate  so  sad  an  event  as 
presently  occurred  to  Titmouse !  He  took  a  spoon  and,  im- 
agining the  glistening  fabric  before  him  to  be  as  solid  as  it 
looked,  brought  to  bear  upon  it  an  adequate  degree  of  force, 
even  as  if  he  had  been  going  to  scoop  out  a  piece  of  Stilton 
cheese — and  inserting  his  spoon  at  the  summit  of  the  snowy 
and  deceitful  structure,  souse  to  the  bottom  went  spoon,  hand, 
coat-cuff  and  all,  and  a  very  dismal  noise  evidenced  that 
the  dish  on  which  the  spoon  had  descended  with  so  much 
force  was  no  longer  a  dish.  It  was,  in  fact,  broken  in  halves, 
and  the  liquid  from  within  ran  about  on  the  cloth.  ...  A 
cluster  of  servants  was  quickly  around  him.  ...  A  mist 
came  over  his  eyes;  the  color  deserted  his  cheek;  and  he  had 
a  strange  feeling,  as  if  verily  the  end  of  all  things  was  at 
hand. 

"I  beg  you  will  think  nothing  of  it — it  really  signifies 
nothing  at  all,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  the  Earl  kindly,  observing 
his  agitation. 

"  Oh,  dear  !  Oh,  my  lord — your  ladyship — what  an  uncom- 
mon stupid  ass !" 


2O2 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


"Pray,  doift  distress  yourself,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  Lady 
Cecilia,  really  feeling  for  his  evident  misery,  "or  you  will 
distress  us" 

"I  beg— humbly  beg  pardon— please  your  lordship— your 
ladyship.  I'll  replace  it  with  the  best  in  London  the  very 
first  thing  in  the  morning."  Here  the  servant  beside  him, 


li 


Souse    to  tKe  bott,otn  ! 


who  was  arranging  the  table-cloth,  uttered  a  faint  sound  of 
suppressed  laughter,  which  disconcerted  Titmouse  still  more. 

"  Give  yourself  no  concern — 'tis  only  a  trifle,  Mr.  Titmouse ! 
—You  understand,  ha,  ha?"  said  the  Earl  kindly. 

"But  if  your  lordship  will  only  allow  me— expense  is  no 
object — I  know  the  very  best  shop  in  Oxford  Street " 

"  Suppose  we  take  a  glass  of  champagne  together,  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse?" said  the  Earl  rather  peremptorily;  and  Titmouse 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  203 

had  sense  enough  to  be  aware  that  he  was  to  drop  the  sub- 
ject. It  was  a  good  while  before  he  recovered  even  the  little 
degree  of  self-possession  which  he  had  had  since  first  entering 
Lord  Dreddlington's  house.  He  had  afterward  no  very  dis- 
tinct recollection  of  the  manner  in  which  he  got  through  the 
rest  of  dinner,  but  a  general  sense  of  his  having  been  treated 
with  the  most  kind  and  delicate  forbearance — no  fuss  made. 
Suppose  such  an  accident  had  occurred  at  Satin  Lodge  or 
even  Alibi  House ! 

Shortly  after  the  servants  had  withdrawn,  Lady  Cecilia 
rose  to  retire.  Titmouse,  seeing  the  Earl  approaching  the 
bell,  anticipated  him  in  ringing  it,  and  then  darted  to  the 
door  with  the  speed  of  a  lamplighter  to  open  it,  as  he  did, 
just  before  a  servant  had  raised  his  hand  to  it  on  the  out- 
side. Then  he  stood  within,  and  the  servant  without,  each 
bowing,  and  Lady  Cecilia  passed  between  them  with  stately 
step,  her  eyes  fixed  upon  the  ground,  and  her  lip  compressed, 
with  the  effort  to  check  her  inclination  to  a  smile — perhaps, 
even  laughter.  Titmouse  was  now  left  alone  with  Lord 
Dreddlington,  and,  on  resuming  his  seat,  most  earnestly  re- 
newed his  entreaties  to  be  allowed  to  replace  the  dish  which 
he  had  broken,  assuring  Lord  Dreddlington  that  "money 
was  no  object  at  all."  He  was  encountered,  however,  with 
so  stern  a  negative  by  his  lordship  that,  with  a  hurried 
apology,  he  dropped  the  subject,  the  Earl,  -however,  good- 
naturedly  adding  that  he  had  perceived  the  joke  intended 
by  Mr.  Titmouse — which  was  certainly  a  very  good  one ! 
This  would  have  set  off  poor  Titmouse  again,  but  a  glance 
at  the  face  of  his  magnificent  host  sealed  his  lips. 

"I  have  heard  it  said,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  presently  com- 
menced the  Earl,  "  that  you  have  been  engaged  in  mercantile 
pursuits  during  the  period  of  your  exclusion  from  the  estates 
which  you  have  just  recovered.  Is  it  so,  sir?" 

"Ye-e-e-s — sir — my  lord "  replied  Titmouse,  hastily  con- 
sidering whether  or  not  he  should  altogether  sink  the  shop, 
but  he  dared  hardly  venture  upon  so  very  decisive  a  lie — 
"  I  was,  please  your  lordship,  in  one  of  the  greatest  establish- 
ments in  the  mercery  line  in  London — at  the  West  End,  my 
lord;  most  confidential,  my  lord;  management  of  everything; 
but,  somehow,  my  lord,  I  never  took  to  it— your  lordship 
understands?" 


204  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Perfectly,  sir;  I  can  quite  appreciate  your  feelings.  But, 
sir,  the  mercantile  interests  of  this  great  country  are  not  to 
be  overlooked.  Those  who  are  concerned  in  them  are  fre- 
quently respectable  persons." 

"Begging  pardon,  my  lord — no  they  a'n't — if  your  lordship 
only  knew  them  as  well  as  I  do,  my  lord.  Most  uncommon 
low  people.  Do  anything  to  turn  a  penny,  my  lord;  and 
often  sell  damaged  goods  for  best." 

"  It  is  very  possible,  sir,  that  there  may  exist  irregularities, 
eccentricities,  ha!  ha!  of  that  description;  but  upon  the 
whole,  sir,  I  am  disposed  to  think  that  there  are  many  very 
decent  persons  engaged  in  trade.  I  must  remind  you,  sir, 
that  your  acquaintance  with  the  principles  and  leading  de- 
tails of  mercantile  transactions — undoubtedly  one  of  the  main- 
springs of  the  national  greatness — may  hereafter  be  of  use 
to  you,  sir." 

"  Yes,  my  lord,  'pon  my  soul — when  I'm  furnishing  my 
houses  in  town  and  country,  I  mean  to  go  to  market  myself 
— please  your  lordship,  I  know  a  trick  or  two  of  the  trade, 
and  can't  be  taken  in,  my  lord.  For  instance,  my  lord, 
there's  Tag-rag — a-hem  !  hem ! "  He  paused  abruptly  and 
looked  somewhat  confusedly  at  the  Earl. 

"I  did  not  mean  that  exactly,"  said  his  lordship,  unable 
to  resist  a  smile.  "  Pray,  fill  your  glass,  Mr.  Titmouse."  He 
did  so.  "You  are  of  course  aware  that  you  have  the  absolute 
patronage  of  the  borough  of  Yattori,  Mr.  Titmouse? — It 
occurs  to  me,  that  as  our  political  opinions  agree,  and  unless 
I  am  presumptuous,  sir,  in  so  thinking — I  may  be  regarded, 
in  a  political  point  of  view,  as  the  head  of  the  family — you 
understand  me,  I  hope,  Mr.  Titmouse?" 

"  Exactly,  my  lord — 'pon  my  soul,  it's  all  correct,  my  lord." 

"  Well — then,  sir — the  family  interests,  Mr.  Titmouse,  must 
be  looked  after 

"  Oh !  in  course,  my  lord,  only  too  happy — certainly,  my 
lord,  we  shall,  I  hope,  make  a  very  interesting  family,  if  your 
lordship  so  pleases — I  can  have  no  objection,  my  lord!" 

"It  was  a  vile,  a  disgraceful  trick,  by  which  Ministers 
popped  in  their  own  man  for  our  borough,  Mr.  Titmouse." 

[Lord  Dreddlington  alluded  to  a  new  writ  that  had  been 
moved  for  immediately  on  Mr.  Aubrey's  acceptance  of  the 
Chiltern  Hundreds,  and,  before  the  Opposition  could  be 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  205 

prepared  for  such  a  step,  that  had  been  sent  down  without 
delay  to  Yatton,  whereupon  Sir  Percival  Pickering,  a  keen 
unflinching  Tory,  had  been  returned  as  member  before  the 
Titmouse  influence  could  be  brought  into  the  field.] 

"Yes,  my  lord — Sir  what-d'ye-call-him  was  a  trifle  too 
sharp  for  us  in  that  business,  wasn't  he?" 

"It  has  succeeded,  sir,  for  the  moment,  but — "  continued 
his  lordship  in  a  very  significant  and  stately  manner — "it  is 
quite  possible  that  their  triumph  may  be  of  very  short  dura- 
tion— Mr.  Titmouse.  Those  who,  like  myself,  are  at  head- 
quarters— let  me  see  you  fill  your  glass,  Mr.  Titmouse. — I 
have  the  honor  to  congratulate  you,  sir,  on  the  recovery  of 
your  rights,  and  to  wish  you  health  and  long  life  in  the 
enjoyment  of  them,"  quoth  the  Earl  with  an  air  of  the  loftiest 
urbanity. 

"  May  it  please  your  lordship,  your  lordship's  most  un- 
common polite" — commenced  Titmouse,  rising  and  standing 
while  he  spoke — for  he  had  had  experience  enough  of  society  to  be 
aware  that  when  a  gentleman's  health  is  drunk  on  important 
occasions  it  becomes  him  to  rise  and  acknowledge  the  com- 
pliment in  such  language  as  he  can  command — "  and  am 
particularly  proud — a — a — I  beg  to  propose,  my  lord,  your 
lordship's  very  superior  good  health,  and  many  thanks." 
Then  he  sat  down,  each  poured  out  another  glass  of  claret, 
and  Titmouse  drank  his  off. 

"  It  is  extremely  singular,  sir,"  said  the  Earl  musingly,  after 
a  considerable  pause,  "the  reverses  in  life  that  one  hears  of!" 

"  Yes,  my  lord,  your  lordship's  quite  true,  'pon  my  word ! 
— Most  uncommon  ups  and  downs!  Lord,  my  lord,  only  to 
fancy  me,  a  few  months  ago,  trotting  up  and  down  Oxford 
Street  with  my  yard  mea —  "  He  stopped  short  and  colored 
violently. 

"•Well,  sir,"  replied  the  Earl,  with  an  expression  of  bland 
and  dignified  sympathy,  "however  humble  might  have  been 
your  circumstances,  it  is  a  consolation  to  reflect  that  there 
is  nothing  dishonorable  ir?  being  poor,  when — you  cannot 
help  it !  Reverses  of  fortune,  sir,  have  happened  to  some  of 
the  greatest  characters  in  our  history.  You  remember  Alfred, 
sir!"  Titmouse  bowed  assentingly;  but  had  he  been  ques- 
tioned, could  have  told,  I  suspect,  as  little  about  the  mat- 
ter— as  the  Earl  himself. 


206  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Allow  me,  sir,  to  ask  whether  you  have  come  to  any 
arrangement  with  your  late  opponent  concerning  the  back- 
rents?"  inquired  the  Earl,  with  a  great  appearance  of  in- 
terest. 

"No,  my  lord,  not  yet;  but  my  solicitors  say  they'll  soon 
have  the  screw  on,  please  your  lordship — that's  just  what 
they  say — their  very  words. 

"Indeed,  sir!"  replied  the  Earl  gravely.  "  What  is  the  sum 
to  which  they  say  you  are  entitled,  sir?" 

"Sixty  thousand  pounds,  my  lord,  at  least — quite  set  me 
up  at  starting,  my  lord,"  replied  Titmouse  with  great  glee; 
but  the  Earl  shuddered  involuntarily  for  a  moment,  and 
sipped  his  wine  in  silence. 

"  By  the  way,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  he,  after  a  considerable 
pause,  "I  trust  you  will  forgive  me  for  suggesting  whether 
it  would  not  be  a  prudent  step  for  you  to  go  to  one  of  the 
universities  for  at  least  a  twelvemonth " 

"Humbly  begging  your  lordship's  pardon,  am  not  I  too 
old  ?  I've  heard  they're  all  a  pack  of  overgrown  schoolboys 
there — and  learn  nothing  but  a  bit  of  some  old  languages 
that  a'n't  the  least  of  use  nowadays,  seeing  they  a'n't  spoke 
now  anywhere" — replied  Titmouse — "besides,  I've  talked  the 
thing  over  with  Mr.  Gammon,  my  lord " 

"Mr.  Gammon?    Allow  me,  sir,  to  ask  who  that  may  be?" 

"One  of  my  solicitors,  my  lord;  a  most  remarkable  clever 
man,  and  an  out-and-out  lawyer,  my  lord.  It  was  he  that 
found  out  all  about  my  case,  my  lord.  If  your  lordship  was 
only  to  see  him  for  a  moment,  your  lordship  would  say,  what 
a  remarkable  clever  man  that  is ! " 

"You  will  forgive  my  curiosity,  sir — but  it  must  have 
surely  required  very  ample  means  to  have  carried  on  so 
arduous  a  lawsuit  as  that  which  has  just  terminated  so  suc- 
cessfully ?" 

"Oh,  yes,  my  lord! — Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  did  all 
that;  and,  between  me  and  your  lordship,  I  suppose  I  shall 
have  to  come  down  a  pretty  long  figure,  all  on  the  nail,  as 
your  lordship  understands;  but  I  mean  them  to  get  it  all 
out  of  that  respectable  gent,  Mr.  Aubrey." 

By  quietly  pressing  his  questions,  the  Earl  got  a  good  deal 
more  out  of  Titmouse  than  he  was  aware,  concerning  Quirk, 
Gammon,  and  Snap,  and  conceived  a  special  dislike  for  Gam- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A   YEAR  207 

mon.  The  Earl  gave  Titmouse  decisive  hints  about  the 
necessity  of  being  on  guard  with  such  people — and  hoped 
that  he  would  not  commit  himself  to  anything  important 
without  consulting  his  lordship,  who  would  of  course  give 
him  the  advantage  of  his  experience  in  the  affairs  of  the 
world,  and  open  his  eyes  to  the  designs  of  those  whose  only 
object  was  to  make  a  prey  of  him.  Titmouse  began  to  feel  that 
here,  at  length,  he  had  met  with  a  real  friend — one  whose 
suggestions  were  worthy  of  being  received  with  the  profoundest 
deference.  Soon  afterward  he  had  the  good  fortune  to 
please  the  Earl  beyond  expression,  by  venturing  timidly  to 
express  his  admiration  of  the  splendid  ribbon  worn  by  his 
lordship ;  who  took  the  opportunity  of  explaining  that  and 
the  other  marks  of  distinction  he  wore,  and  others  which  he 
was  entitled  to  wear,  at  great  length  and  with  much  minute- 
ness— so  as  that  at  length  he  caused  Titmouse  to  believe 
that  he,  Lord  Dreddlington— the  august  head  of  the  family- 
must  have  rendered  more  signal  service,  somehow  or  other, 
to  his  country,  and  also  done  more  to  win  the  admiration 
and  gratitude  of  foreign  countries,  than  almost  any  other 
man  living. 

"Well,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  at  length  observed  the  Earl,  after 
looking  at  his  watch,  "shall  we  adjourn  to  the  drawing- 
room?  The  fact  is,  sir,  that  Lady  Cecilia  and  I  have  an 
evening  engagement  at  the  Duchess  of  Diamond's.  I  much 
regret  being  unable  to  take  you  with  us,  sir;  but,  as  it  is, 
shall  we  rejoin  the  Lady  Cecilia?"  continued  his  lordship, 
rising.  Up  jumped  Titmouse;  and  the  Earl  and  he  were 
soon  in  the  drawing-room,  where,  besides  the  Lady  Cecilia, 
sat  another  lady,  to  whom  he  was  not  introduced  in  any 
way.  This  was  Miss  Macspleuchan,  a  poor  relation,  who 
had  entered  the  house  of  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington,  in  order 
to  eat  the  bitter  bread  of  dependence. 

She  was  a  sort  of  companion  of  Lady  Cecilia,  and  entirely 
dependent  upon  her  and  the  Earl  for  her  subsistence.  She 
was  sitting  on  the  sofa,  beside  Lady  Cecilia,  when  Titmouse 
re-entered  the  drawing-room;  and  Lady  Cecilia  eyed  him 
through  her  glass  with  infinite  nonchalance,  even  when  he 
had  advanced  to  within  a  few  feet  of  her.  He  made  her,  as 
she  rose  to  take  her  seat  and  prepare  tea,  a  most  obsequious 
bow;  absurd  as  was  the  style  of  its  performance,  Miss  Mac- 


208  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

spleuchan  saw  that  there  was  politeness  in  the  intention; 
'twas  moreover  a  courtesy  toward  herself,  that  was  unusual 
from  the  Earl's  guests;  and  these  considerations  served  to 
take  off  the  edge  of  the  ridicule  and  contempt  with  which 
Lady  Cecilia  had  been  preparing  her  to  receive  their  newly 
discovered  kinsman.  After  standing  for  a  second  or  two 
near  the  sofa,  Titmouse  ventured  to  sit  himself  down 
upon  it — on  the  very  edge  only — as  if  afraid  of  disturbing 
Lady  Cecilia,  who  was  reclining  on  it  with  an  air  of  languid 
hauteur. 

"So  you're  going,  my  lady,  to  a  dance  to-night,  as  my 
lord  says?"  quoth  Titmouse  respectfully;  "hope  your  lady- 
ship will  enjoy  yourself!" 

"  We  regret  that  you  do  not  accompany  us,  Mr.  Titmouse," 
said  Lady  Cecilia,  slightly  inclining  toward  him,  and  glanc- 
ing at  Miss  Macspleuchan  with  a  faint  and  bitter  smile. 

"Should  have  been  most  uncommon  proud  to  have  gone, 
your  ladyship,"  replied  Titmouse,  as  a  servant  brought  him 
a  cup  of  tea.  "  These  cups  and  saucers,  my  lady,  come  from 
abroad,  I  suppose?  Now,  I  dare  say,  tho  they've  rather  a 
funny  look,  they  cost  a  good  deal?" 

"  I  really  do  not  know,  sir ;  we  have  had  them  a  very  long 
while." 

"'Pon  my  life,  my  lady,  I  like  them  amazing!"  Seeing  her 
ladyship  not  disposed  to  talk,  Titmouse  became  silent. 

"Well,  sir,"  said  the  Earl  at  last,  but  with  dignified  affa- 
bility, "I  need  not  repeat  how  highly  gratified  I  feel  at  our 
introduction  to  each  other.  I  trust  you  will  henceforth  con- 
sider yourself  no  stranger  here — 

"Oh,  'pon  my  life,  my  lord!"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  in  a  low 
tone,  and  with  a  sudden  and  profound  bow. 

"And  that  on  your  return  from  Yorkshire,"  continued  the 
Earl,  drawing  on  his  gloves,  "  you  will  let  us  see  you :  we 
both  feel  great  interest  in  your  good  fortune.  Sir,  I  have 
the  honor  to  wish  you  a  good  evening!"  He  extended  his 
gloved  hand  to  Mr.  Titmouse,  whose  hand,  however,  he 
touched  with  little  more  than  the  ends  of  his  fingers. 

"  We  exceedingly  regret  that  we  must  leave  you,  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse," said  Lady  Cecilia  with  forced  seriousness;  "but 
as  we  wish  to  leave  the  duchess's  early,  in  order  to  go  to 
another  ball,  we  must  go  early.  Good  evening,  sir,"  and 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  209 

having  dropped  him  a  slight  formal  curtsy,  she  quitted  the 
drawing-room,  followed  by  the  Earl,  Titmouse  making  four 
or  five  such  bows  as  provoked  a  smile  from  all  who  witnessed 
them.  The  next  moment  he  was  alone  with  Miss  Macspleu- 
chan.  Her  unaffected,  good-natured  address  made  him  feel 
more  at  home  within  the  next  five  minutes  than  he  had  been 
since  entering  that  frigid  scene  of  foolish  state. 

He  soon  got  pretty  communicative  with  her,  and  told  her 
about  Miss  Tag-rag  and  Miss  Quirk,  each  of  whom  was  ab- 
solutely dying  of  love  for  him  and  thought  he  was  in  love 
with  her,  which  was  not  the  case — far  from  it. 

Then  he  told  her  of  the  great  style  in  which  he  was  going 
down  to  take  possession  of  his  estates,  when  a  servant  en- 
tered and  informed  him  in  a  whisper  that  "his  carriage  had 
arrived."  He  considered  that  etiquette  required  him  to  de- 
part immediately. 

"  Beg  your  pardon ;  but  if  ever  you  should  come  down  to 
my  estate  in  the  country,  shall  be  most  uncommon  proud  to 
see  your  ladyship." 

"I  beg  your  pardon;  you  are  mistaken,  sir,"  interrupted 
Miss  Macspleuchan  hastily,  and  blushing  scarlet;  the  fact 
being  that  Titmouse  had  not  caught  her  name  and  naturally 
concluded  that  she  also  must  be  a  lady  of  rank.  Titmouse 
was  so  occupied  with  his  efforts  to  make  a  graceful  exit,  that 
he  did  not  catch  the  explanation  of  his  mistake;  and  bowing 
almost  down  to  the  ground,  reached  the  landing,  where  the 
tall  servant,  with  a  very  easy  grace,  gave  him  his  hat  and 
cane,  and  preceded  him  down-stairs.  As  he  descended,  he  felt 
in  his  pockets  for  some  loose  silver,  and  gave  several  shillings 
between  the  servants  who  stood  in  the  hall  to  witness  his 
departure ;  after  which,  one  of  them  having  opened  the  door 
and  let  down  the  steps  of  the  glass-coach,  Titmouse  popped 
into  it. 

"Home,  sir?"  inquired  the  servant,  as  he  closed  the  door. 

"The  Cabbage-Stalk  Hotel,  Covent  Garden,"  replied  Tit- 
mouse. 

That  was  communicated  to  the  coachman,  and  off  rumbled 
the  glass-coach. 


CHAPTER   XVII 

IN  WHICH  IS  DISCLOSED  HOW  THE  HERO  JOURNEYS  IN  STATE 

TO  TAKE  POSSESSION  OF  HIS  NEW-FOUND  PROPERTY 

AND  THE  LAMENTABLE  ENDING  OF  THE 

REVELRY  AT  THE  HALL 

MR.  GAMMON  was  with  Titmouse  about  half-past  nine 
o'clock  the  next  morning,  sufficiently  anxious  to  hear  how 
he  had  got  overnight.  Titmouse  immediately  gave  a  full 
account  of  what  had  happened  at  Lord  Dreddlington's, 
and,  I  fear,  of  a  great  deal  more  than  might  possibly  have 
happened,  but  certainly  had  not;  e.g.,  his  lordship's  special 
laudation  of  Mr.  Gammon  as  a  "monstrous  fine  lawyer," 
which  Titmouse  swore  were  the  very  exact  words  of  his 
lordship,  and  that  "  he  should  have  been  most  happy  to  see 
Mr.  Gammon,"  and  a  good  deal  to  the  like  effect.  Also  that 
he  had  been  "most  uncommon  thick"  with  "Lady  Cicely" 
(so  he  pronounced  her  name),  and  that  both  she  and  Lord 
Dreddlington  had  "pressed  him  very  hard  to  go  with  them 
to  a  ball  at  a  duke's!"  He  made  no  mention  of  the  broken 
trifle  dish;  said  they  had  nearly  a  dozen  servants  to 
wait  on  them  (only  three  sitting  down  to  dinner),  and  twenty 
different  sorts  of  wine,  and  no  end  of  courses  at  dinner ;  that 
the  Earl  wore  a  star,  and  garter,  and  ribbons — which  Gam- 
mon erroneously  thought  as  apocryphal  as  the  rest — and  had 
told  him  that  he,  Titmouse,  might  one  day  wear  them,  and 
sit  in  the  House  of  Lords,  and  had,  moreover,  advised  him 
most  strenuously  to  get  into  Parliament  as  soon  as  possible, 
as  the  "  cause  of  the  people  wanted  strengthening." 

As  soon  as  Titmouse  had  finished  his  little  romance,  Gam- 
mon proceeded  to  the  chief  object  of  his  visit — their  next 
day's  journey.  He  said  that  he  much  regretted  to  say  that 
Mr.  Snap  had  expressed  a  very  anxious  wish  to  witness  the 
triumph  of  Mr.  Titmouse ;  and  that  Mr.  Titmouse,  unless  he 
had  some  particular  objection — "Oh,  none,  'pon  honor! — 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  211 

poor  Snap! — devilish  good  chap  in  a  small  way!"  said  Tit- 
mouse, and  at  once  gave  his  consent — Gammon  informing 
him  that  Mr.  Snap  would  be  obliged  to  return  to  town  by  the 
next  day's  coach.  The  reader  will  smile  when  I  tell  him,  and, 
if  a  lady,  will  frown  when  she  hears,  that  Miss  Quirk  was  to 
be  of  the  party — a  point  which  her  anxious  father  had  secured 
some  time  ago.  Mrs.  Alias  had  declared  that  she  saw  no 
objection  as  Mr.  Quirk  would  be  constantly  with  his  daughter, 
and  Gammon  had  appeared  most  ready  to  bring  about  so 
desirable  a  result.  He  had  also  striven  hard,  unknown  to 
his  partners,  to  increase  their  number  by  the  Tag-rags,  who 
might  have  gone  down,  all  three  of  them,  if  they  had  chosen, 
by  coach,  and  so  have  returned.  Titmouse,  however,  would 
not  listen  to  the  thing  for  one  moment,  and  Gammon  was 
forced  to  give  up  his  little  scheme. 

Two  dashing  young  fellows,  fashionable  friends  of  Titmouse 
(who  had  picked  them  up  Heaven  only  knows  where,  but  they 
never  deserted  him),  infinitely  to  Gammon's  annoyance, 
were  to  be  of  the  party.  One  was  a  truly  disgusting-looking 
fellow — a  MR.  PUPPY  YAHOO — a  man  of  pleasure  about  town. 
The  other  was  MR.  ALGERNON  FITZ-SNOOKS,  a  complete  fool. 
A  groom  and  a  valet,  both  newly  hired  the  day  before,  would 
complete  the  party  of  the  morrow. 

Gammon  assured  Titmouse  that  he  had  taken  all  the  pains 
in  the  world  to  get  up  a  triumphant  entry  into  Yatton; 
and  they  were  to  be  met  by  a  procession.  The  people  at  the 
Hall,  also,  were  under  orders  from  Mr.  Gammon  to  have  a 
banquet  prepared  for  nearly  a  hundred  persons — in  fact,  all 
comers  were  to  be  welcome.  As  for  the  matter  of  carriages, 
Mr.  Gammon  said  that  probably  Mr.  Titmouse  would  call 
that  morning  on  Mr.  Axle,  in  Long  Acre,  and  select  one  to 
his  mind — it  must  be  one  with  two  seats — and  Mr.  Gammon 
had  pointed  out  several  which  were,  he  thought,  eligible,  and 
would  be  shown  to  Mr.  Titmouse.  That  would  be  the  car- 
riage in  which  Mr.  Titmouse  himself  would  travel ;  the  second, 
Mr.  Gammon  had  taken  the  liberty  of  already  selecting.  With 
this  Mr.  Gammon  shook  his  hand  and  departed,  saying  that 
he  should  make  his  appearance  the  next  morning  at  eleven 
o'clock — about  which  time  they  were  all  to  start. 

About  an  hour  or  two  afterward,  Titmouse  made  his  ap- 
pearance at  the  coach-builder's. 


212  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Mr.  Axle  showed  Mr.  Titmouse  very  obsequiously  over  his 
premises,  pointing  out  the  carriages  which  Mr.  Gammon  had 
the  day  before  desired  should  be  shown  to  him,  and  which 
Mr.  Titmouse,  with  his  glass  stuck  in  his  eye,  examined  with 
the  air  of  a  connoisseur — rapping  with  his  agate-headed  cane 
every  now  and  them — now  against  his  teeth,  then  against  his 
legs.  He  did  not  seem  perfectly  satisfied  with  any  of  them ; 
they  looked  "devilish  plain  and  dull." 

"Hollo — Mr.  Axletree,  or  whatever  your  name  is — what 
have  we  here?  Ton  my  soul,  the  very  thing!"  he  exclaimed, 
as  his  eye  caught  a  splendid  object — the  state  carriage  of 
the  ex-sheriff,  with  its  gorgeously  decorated  panels.  Mr.  Axle 
was  staggered  for  a  moment,  and  scarce  supposed  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse to  be  in  earnest,  but,  observing  the  earnest,  steadfast 
gaze  with  which  he  regarded  the  glittering  object,  he  com- 
menced a  most  tempting  eulogium  upon  the  splendid  struc- 
ture— remarking  on  the  singularity  of  the  circumstance  of 
its  happening  just  at.  that  exact  moment  to  be  placed  at 
his  disposal  by  its  former  owner — a  gentleman  of  great  dis- 
tinction, who  had  no  longer  any  occasion  for  it.  Mr.  Axle  had 
had  numerous  applications  for  it  already ;  on  hearing  which, 
Titmouse  got  excited.  The  door  was  opened — he  got  in ;  sat 
on  each  seat — "Don't  it  hang  beautifully?"  inquired  the  con- 
fident proprietor,  swaying  about  the  head  of  the  carriage  as 
he  spoke. 

"What's  your  price,  Mr.  Axletree?"  inquired  Mr.  Titmouse 
rather  heatedly,  as  he  got  out  of  the  carriage. 

After  some  little  higgle-haggling  he  bought  it !  !  ! — for  there 
was  nothing  like  closing  at  once  where  there  was  keen  com- 
petition. Mr.  Gammon  could  not  have  seen  it  when  he  was 
making  his  choice  the  day  before !  Punctual  to  his  appoint- 
ment, Mr.  Gammon,  on  the  ensuing  morning,  drew  up  to  the 
Cabbage-Stalk,  as  near,  at  least,  as  he  could  get  to  it,  in  a 
hackney  coach,  with  his  portmanteau  and  carpet-bag.  I 
say  as  near  as  he  could,  for  round  about  the  door  stood  a 
little  crowd,  gazing  with  a  sort  of  awe  on  a  magnificent 
vehicle  standing  there,  with  four  horses  harnessed  to  it.  Gam- 
mon looked  at  his  watch,  as  he  entered  the  hotel,  and  asked 
which  of  the  sheriff's  carriages  was  standing  at  the  door. 
The  waiter  to  whom  he  spoke,  who  seemed  nearly  splitting 
with  laughter,  answered  that  it  was  Mr.  Titmouse's  car- 


Pon    rrjy  .J 

the  ver^y  thing"  ! 


214  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

riage.  Mr.  Gammon  opened  his  eyes,  turned  pale,  and  nearly 
dropped  his  umbrella. 

"Mr.  Titmouse's!"  he  echoed  incredulously. 

"Yes,  sir — been  here  this  hour  at  least  packing;  such  a 
crowd  all  the  while;  everybody  think's  it's  the  sheriff,  sir," 
replied  the  waiter.  Mr.  Gammon  rushed  up-stairs  with  great 
impetuosity,  and  burst  into  Mr.  Titmouse's  room.  There 
was  that  gentleman,  with  his  hat  on,  his  hands  stuck  in  his 
coat-pockets,  a  cigar  in  his  mouth,  and  a  tumbler  of  brandy 
and  water  before  him.  Mr.  Yahoo  and  Mr.  Fitz-Snooks  and 
Mr.  Snap  were  similarly  occupied ;  and  Mr.  Quirk  was  sitting 
down  with  his  hands  in  his  pockets,  and  a  glass  of  negus 
before  him,  with  anything  but  a  joyful  expression  of  counte- 
nance. 

"  Is  it  possible,  Mr.  Titmouse — but  can  it  be,  that  the  mon- 
strous thing  now  before  the  door  is  your  carriage?"  inquired 
Gammon,  with  dismay  in  his  face. 

"I — rather — think — it  is"  replied  Titmouse,  slightly  dis- 
concerted, but  striving  to  look  self-possessed. 

"  My  dear  sir,"  replied  Gammon,  in  a  kind  of  agony,  "  it  is 
impossible  ?  It  never  can  be !  Do  you  mean  to  say  that 
you  bought  it  at  Mr.  Axle's?" 

"  I  should  rather  think  so,"  replied  Titmouse  with  a  piqued 
air. 

"  He's  been  grossly  imposing  on  you,  sir !  — Permit  me  to 
go  at  once  and  get  you  a  proper  vehicle." 

"'Pon  my  life,  Mr.  Gammon,  /think  that  it's  a  monstrous 
nice  thing — a  great  bargain — and  I've  bought  it  and  paid  for 
it,  that's  more." 

"Gentlemen,  I  appeal  to  you"  confidently  said  Gammon, 
turning  in  an  agony  to  Mr.  Yahoo  and  Mr.  Fitz-Snooks. 

"As  for  me,  sir,"  replied  the  former  coolly,  "since  you 
ask  my  opinion,  I  confess  I  rather  like  the  idea — ha !  ha ! 
'Twill  produce  a  sensation;  that's  something  in  this  dull  life ! 
Eh,  Snooks?" 

"Ay — a — I  confess  I  was  a  little  shocked  at  first,  but  I 
think  I'm  getting  over  it  now,"  lisped  Mr.  Fitz-Snooks.  "I 
look  upon  it  as  an  excellent  joke;  egad,  it  beats  Chitterfield 
hollow,  tho  he,  too,  has  done  a  trick  or  two  lately." 

"Did  you  purchase  it  as  a  joke,  Mr.  Titmouse?"  inquired 
Gammon,  ready  to  expire  with  vexation  and  anger. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  215 

"Why — a — 'pon  my  life — if  you  ask  me — wonder  you  don't 
see  it!  Of  course  I  did! — Those  that  don't  like  it  may  ride, 
you  know,  in  the  other." 

"  We  shall  be  hooted  at,  laughed  at,  wherever  we  go,"  said 
he,  vehemently. 

"  Exactly— that's  the  novelty  I  like,"  said  Mr.  Yahoo,  look- 
ing at  Mr.  Gammon  with  a  smile  of  ineffable  insolence. 

Titmouse  proved  inexorable  for  once;  he  had  bought  and 
paid  for  the  carriage ;  it  suited  his  taste — and  where  was  the 
harm  of  gratifying  it?  Besides,  it  was  already  packed — all 
was  prepared  for  starting.  Gammon  gave  it  up,  and,  swal- 
lowing down  his  rage,  endeavored  to  reconcile  himself  to 
this  infernal  predicament. 

It  seemed  that  Miss  Quirk,  however,  was  quite  staggered 
on  discovering  the  kind  of  persons  who  were  to  be  their 
travelling  companions.  As  for  Mr.  Yahoo,  she  recoiled  from 
him  with  horror  as  soon  as  she  had  seen  him.  She  had 
retired  to  a  chamber,  and  presently  sent  a  chambermaid  to 
request  Mr.  Quirk  to  come  to  her. 

He  found  her  considerably  agitated.  She  wished  earnestly 
to  return  to  Alibi  House,  and  consented  to  proceed  on  her 
journey  only  on  the  express  promise  of  Mr.  Titmouse  that 
no  one  should  be  in  the  carriage  in  which  she  went  except 
Mr.  Quirk  and  Mr.  Gammon — unless,  indeed,  Mr.  Titmouse 
thought  proper  to  make  the  fourth. 

Mr.  Quirk,  on  this,  sent  for  Mr.  Gammon,  who  undertook 
to  secure  Mr.  Titmouse's  consent  to  that  arrangement. 

While  he  was  thus  closeted  for  about  five  or  ten  minutes 
with  Mr.  Quirk,  one  of  the  waiters  informed  Mr.  Titmouse 
that  a  lad  had  brought  a  parcel  for  him,  which  he,  the  afore- 
said lad,  was  himself  to  deliver  into  the  hands  of  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse. Accordingly  there  was  presently  shown  into  the 
room  a  little  lad,  in  tarnished  livery,  in  whom  Titmouse 
recollected  the  boy  belonging  to  Mr.  Tag-rag's  one-horse 
chaise,  and  who  gave  a  small  parcel  into  Mr.  Titmouse's 
hands,  "with  Mrs.  and  Miss  Tag-rag's  respects." 

As  soon  as  he  had  quitted  the  room,  "By  Jove!  What 
have  we  here?"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  just  a  little  flustered, 
as  he  cut  open  the  string.  Inside  were  three  cambric  pocket- 
handkerchiefs,  marked  with  the  initials  "  T.  T."  in  hair;  and 
Mr.  Yahoo  happening  to  unfold  one  of  them,  lo!  in  the 


2i6  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

center  was — also  done  in  hair — the  figure  of  a  heart  trans- 
fixed with  an  arrow!  !  !  Mr.  Yahoo  roared,  and  Mr.  Fitz- 
Snooks  lisped:  "Is  she  pretty,  Tit?  Where's  her  nest?  Any 
old  birds  ?-eh?" 

Titmouse  colored  a  little,  then  grinned,  and  put  his  finger 
to  the  side  of  his  nose,  and  winked  his  eye,  as  if  favoring 
the  bright  idea  of  Mr.  Fitz-Snooks.  On  a  sheet  of  gilt- 
edged  paper,  and  sealed  with  a  seal  bearing  the  tender  words 
" Forget  me  not"  was  written  the  following  : 

"  SIR  :  Trusting  you  will  excuse  the  liberty,  I  send  you 
three  best  cambric  pocket-handkerchiefs,  which  my  daughter 
have  marked  with  her  own  hair,  and  I  beg  your  acceptance 
thereof,  hoping  you  may  be  resigned  to  all  that  may  befall 
you,  which  is  the  prayer  of,  dear  sir,  yours  respectfully, 

"MARTHA  TAG-RAG. 

"  P.S. — My  daughter  sends  what  you  may  please  to  wish 
and  accept.  Shall  we  have  the  great  happiness  to  see  you 
here  again? 

"Safin  Lodge,  iSth  May,  18— ." 

"Oh!  the  naughty  old  woman !  Fie!  Fie!"  exclaimed  Mr. 
Yahoo,  with  his  intolerable  smile. 

"Where's  Satin  Lodge?"  inquired  Mr.  Fitz-Snooks. 

"It  is  a  country-house  on  the — the  Richmond  road,"  said 
Titmouse,  with  a  little  hesitation;  and  just  then  the  return 
of  Gammon,  who  had  assumed  his  usual  calmness  of  manner, 
relieved  him  from  his  embarrassment.  Mr.  Gammon  succeeded 
in  effecting  the  arrangement  suggested  by  Mr.  Quirk  and  his 
daughter ;  and  within  about  a  quarter  of  an  hour  afterward 
behold  the  ex-sheriffs  resplendent  carriage  filled  by  Miss  Quirk 
and  Titmouse  and  Mr.  Quirk  and  Gammon — the  groom  and 
valet  sitting  on  the  coach-box;  while  in  the  other,  a  plain 
yellow  carriage,  covered  with  luggage,  sat  Mr.  Yahoo,  Mr. 
Fitz-Snooks,  and  Mr.  Snap — Snap  never  having  been  so  happy 
as  at  that  moment. 

Mr.  Titmouse  had  laid  aside  his  cigar  in  compliment  to 
Miss  Quirk,  who  had  a  long  black  veil  on  and  an  elegant 
light  shawl,  and  looked  uncommonly  like  a  young  bride  set- 
ting off— oh,  heavens !  that  it  had  been  so !  — on  her  wedding 
excursion.  Mr.  Gammon  slouched  his  hat  over  his  eyes  and 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  217 

inclined  his  head  downward,  fit  to  expire  with  vexation 
and  disgust,  as  he  observed  the  grin  and  tittering  of  the 
crowd  around;  but  Titmouse,  who  was  most  splendidly 
dressed,  took  off  his  hat  on  sitting  down,  and  bowed  several 
times  to,  as  he  supposed,  the  admiring  crowd. 

"Get  on,  boys!"  growled  Mr.  Gammon;  and  away  they 
went,  exciting  equal  surprise  and  applause  wherever  they 
went.  No  one  that  met  them  but  must  have  taken  Titmouse 
and  Miss  Quirk  for  a  newly-married  couple — probably  the 
son  or  daughter  of  one  of  the  sheriffs,  who  had  lent  the 
state  carriage  to  add  eclat  to  the  interesting  occasion. 

As  they  approached  the  scene  of  triumph  and  rejoicing, 
and  ascertained  that  they  were  within  about  a  mile  of  the 
peaceful  little  village  of  Yatton,  the  travelers  began  to  look 
out  for  indications  of  the  kind  which  Mr.  Gammon  had  men- 
tioned to  Titmouse,  viz.,  a  band  and  procession  and  an 
attendant  crowd.  It  was  then  about  five  o'clock  in  the 
afternoon.  The  whole  day  had  been  overcast  and  the  sky 
threatening;  and  as  the  two  carriages  came  to  that  turning 
in  the  road  which  gave  them  the  first  glimpse  of  the  Hall  a 
fearful,  long-continued  flash  of  lightning  burst  from  the  angry 
heavens,  followed,  after  an  interval  of  but  a  second  or  two, 
by  a  peal  of  thunder  which  sounded  as  if  a  park  of  artillery 
was  being  repeatedly  discharged  immediately  overhead.  Down, 
then,  came  the  rain  like  a  deluge,  and  so  it  continued,  with 
frequent  returns  of  the  thunder  and  lightning,  for  nearly  a 
quarter  of  an  hour. 

The  last  turning  brought  them  within  sight  of  the  village, 
and  also  of  some  fifty  or  sixty  persons  crowding  under  the 
hedges  on  each  side — these  were  the  procession;  musicians, 
bannermen,  footmen,  horsemen — all  dripping  with  wet,  surely 
a  piteous  spectacle  to  behold.  Out,  however,  they  all  turned, 
true  to  their  orders,  as  soon  as  they  saw  the  carriages,  which 
immediately  slackened  their  speed — the  rain  also  somewhat 
abating.  The  flagman  tried  desperately  to  unroll  a  wet  ban- 
ner, with  the  words  "  WELCOME  TO  YATTON  !"  in  gilded  letters; 
while  the  band  struck  up  "  See,  the  conquering  hero  comes!" 
The  principal  part  of  the  procession  consisted  of  rather  a 
miscellaneous  assortment  of  scot-and-lot  and  potwalloper- 
looking  people,  all  very  wet  and  hungry,  and  ever  and  anon 
casting  a  look  of  devout  expectation  toward  the  Hall, 


218  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Scarcely  a  villager  of  Yatton  was  to  be  seen  stirring;  nor 
did  any  of  the  tenants  of  the  estate  join  in  the  procession ; 
even  had  they  not  felt  far  otherwise  disposed,  they  had  luckily 
a  complete  excuse  for  their  non-appearance  in  the  deplorable 
state  of  the  weather. 

Having  drawn  up  opposite  the  Hall  door,  it  was  opened 
by  Mr.  Griffiths,  the  steward,  with  a  sad,  but  a  most  respect- 
ful look  and  manner;  and  in  the  same  way  might  be  char- 
acterized some  six  or  seven  servants  standing  behind  him, 
in  readiness  to  receive  the  new-comers.  The  half-drowned 
musicians  tried  to  strike  up  "Rule,  Britannia,"  as  the  hero 
of  the  day,  Mr.  Titmouse,  descended  from  his  carriage,  Mr. 
Griffiths  holding  an  umbrella  for  him,  and  bounded  out  of 
the  rain  with  a  hop,  step,  and  a  jump  into  the  Hall,  where  the 
first  words  he  was  heard  to  utter  were : 

"What  a  devilish  rum  old  place!" 

"God  bless  you!  God  bless  you!  God  bless  you,  Tit- 
mouse !"  exclaimed  old  Mr.  Quirk,  grasping  him  by  the  hand 
as  soon  as  he  had  entered.  Titmouse  shook  hands  with  Miss 
Quirk,  who  immediately  followed  a  female  servant  to  an 
apartment,  being  exceedingly  nervous  and  agitated.  Gammon 
seemed  a  little  out  of  spirits,  and  said  simply,  "  You  know, 
Titmouse,  how  fervently  /  congratulate  you." 

"  Oh !  my  dear  boy  Tit,  do,  for  Heaven's  sake,  if  you  want 
the  thunder  and  lightning  to  cease,  order  those  wretched 
devils  off— send  them  anywhere,  but  do  stop  their  cursed 
noise,  my  dear  boy!"  exclaimed  Mr.  Yahoo,  as  soon  as  he 
had  entered,  putting  his  fingers  to  his  ears. 

"Mr.  what's-your-name,"  said  Titmouse,  addressing  Mr. 
Griffiths,  "I'll  trouble  you  to  order  off  those  fellows  and 
their  infernal  noise.  Demme!  there's  a  precious  row  making 
up  above,  and  surely  one  at  a  time!" 

"Ah,  ha,  capital  joke,  by  Jove!  capital!"  said  Mr.  Fitz- 
Snooks. 

"Ah — Titmouse — by  Jupiter!"  said  Mr.  Yahoo,  as,  twirling 
his  fingers  about  in  his  long  black  hair,  of  which  he  seemed 
very  proud,  he  glanced  about  the  Hall,  "this  a'n't  so  much 
amiss!  Do  you  know,  my  dear  boy,  I  rather  like  it;  it's 
substantial,  antique,  and  so  forth." 

By  this  time  the  Hall  was  crowded  with  the  gentlemen 
who  had  formed  part  of  the  procession,  and  who  came  bow- 


'  What  *  deviluK 
rum  old     lTioe  ! ' 


220  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

ing  and  scraping  to  Titmouse,  congratulating  him,  and  wish- 
ing him  health  and  happiness.  As  soon  as  he  could  disengage 
himself  from  their  flattering  but  somewhat  troublesome  civili- 
ties, his  valet  came  and  whispered,  "Will  you  dress,  sir!  All 
is  ready,"  and  Titmouse  followed  him  to  the  dressing-room, 
which  had  formerly  been  young  Mrs.  Aubrey's.  In  about  an 
hour's  time  he  had  completed  his  toilet  and  was  ushered  into 
the  drawing-room,  which,  as  well  as  the  dining-room,  was 
ready  prepared  for  the  banquet,  forty  or  fifty  covers  being 
laid  in  the  two  rooms,  and  good  substantial  fare  for  at 
least  as  many  more,  in  the  servants'  hall,  where  operations 
had  already  commenced. 

On  entering  the  drawing-room,  his  appearance  seemed  to 
produce  a  great  sensation,  and  after  a  little  pause  the  only 
county  gentleman  who  was  present  advanced  and  introduced 
himself,  his  wife,  and  daughter.  This  was  Sir  Harkaway  Wild- 
fire, Baronet,  a  tall  and  somewhat  corpulent  man  of  about 
fifty,  very  choleric  and  overbearing,  his  countenance  showing 
the  hard  life  he  had  led.  He  had  been  a  bitter  political  op- 
ponent of  Mr.  Aubrey,  and  had  once  been  a  member  for  the 
county,  but  he  had  so  crippled  his  resources  by  hunting  and 
horse-racing  as  to  compel  the  sacrifice  of  his  seat  in  the 
House  and  Lady  Wildfire's  box  at  the  opera.  Sir  Harkaway 
had  an  eye  to  the  borough  of  Yatton  on  the  happening  of 
the  next  election,  as  soon  as  he  had  obtained  an  inkling 
that  the  new  proprietor  of  Yatton  was  a  very  weak  young 
man;  and  hence  his  patronizing  presence  at  Yatton,  in  con- 
sequence of  the  invitation  respectfully  conveyed  to  him  in 
Mr.  Titmouse's  name,  through  Messrs.  Bloodsuck  and  Son, 
the  local  agents  of  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap. 

Besides  Lady  Wildfire  and  her  daughter  there  were  about 
a  dozen  ladies,  the  wives  of  the  gentlemen  who  had  borne 
so  distinguished  a  part  in  the  triumphal  procession.  They 
looked  rather  a  queer  set,  and  none  of  them  dared  to  speak 
either  to  Lady  Wildfire  or  her  daughter  till  spoken  to  by 
them.  Never  had  old  Yatton  beheld  within  its  walls  so 
motley  a  group.  By  such  guests,  however,  were  the  two 
principal  tables  crowded  on  this  joyous  occasion,  and  about 
half-past  six  o'clock  the  feast  commenced,  and  a  feast  it  cer- 
tainly was,  both  elegant  and  substantial,  nothing  having 
been  spared  that  money  could  procure. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  221 

f 

Merriment  echoed  uproariously  from  all  parts  of  the  old 
Hall,  and  Mr.  Titmouse  was  universally  declared  to  be  a  very 
fine  fellow,  and  likely  to  become  by  far  the  most  popular  man 
in  the  county.  The  Reverend  Mr.  Fleshpot  said  grace,  and 
the  Reverend  Mr.  Mudflint  returned  thanks;  and  shortly 
afterward  Sir  Harkaway  arose,  and,  his  eye  fixed  firmly  on 
the  adjoining  borough,  and  also  on  the  jolly  table  which 
promised  to  be  ever  opened  to  him  at  Yatton,  he  proposed 
the  health  of  the  distinguished  proprietor  of  Yatton,  in  cer- 
tainly a  somewhat  fulsome  strain.  The  toast  was  received 
with  the  utmost  enthusiasm;  the  gentlemen  shouted  and 
jingled  their  glasses  on  the  table,  while  the  ladies  waved  their 
handkerchiefs ;  indeed  the  scene  was  one  of  such  overpowering 
excitement  that  Miss  Quirk  burst  into  tears,  overcome  by 
her  emotions.  Mr.  Gammon,  who  sat  next  to  Titmouse, 
assured  him  that  it  was  absolutely  necessary  for  him  to 
make  a  speech  to  the  company  in  acknowledgment  of  the 
compliment  which  had  just  been  paid  him. 

"  I  shall  put  my  foot  in  it — by  jingo  I  shall !  You  must 
help  me!"  he  whispered  to  Mr.  Gammon,  in  an  agony  of 
trepidation  and  a  mist  of  confusion,  as  he  rose  from  his  chair, 
being  welcomed  in  the  most  enthusiastic  manner  by  applause 
of  every  kind,  lasting  for  several  minutes.  At  length,  when 
the  noise  had  subsided  into  a  fearful  silence  he  stammered 
out,  prompted  incessantly  by  Mr.  Gammon,  something  ex- 
ceedingly like  the  following,  if,  indeed,  he  did  not  use  these 
very  words  : 

"Mr. — I  beg  pardon — Sir  Hark — away,  and  gentlemen — 
gentlemen  and  ladies,  am  most  uncommon,  monstrous — 
particular  happy  to — to — (eh?  «>//#/ d'ye  say,  Mr.  Gammon?) 
see  you  all  here — at  this  place — here — at  Yatton." — {Applause.} 
"Ladies  and  gentlemen — I  say — hem! — unaccustomed  as" — 
(much  applause,  during  which  Titmouse  stooped  and  whis- 
pered to  Gammon,  "  Curse  me  if  I  can  catch  a  word  you 
say!")  "Happy  and  proud  to  see  you  all  here — at  Yatton-^- 
home  of  my  ancestry — known  to  you  all — centuries.  En- 
joyed yourselves,  I  hope — {great  applause} — and  hope  you'll 
often  come  and  do  the  same — {still  greater  applause}.  Par- 
ticular glad  to  see  the  ladies  {applause} — often  heard  of  the 
beauties  of  Yatton — never  believed  it — no — beg  pardon,  mean 
I  now  see  them— {applause}.  Am  fond  of  horses— {applause} 


222  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

— racing,  hunting,  and  all  that."  (Here  Sir  Harkaway,  ex- 
tending his  hand,  publicly  shook  that  of  the  eloquent  speaker. 

"Sorry  to  turn  out  the — the — old  bird — but — nest  not  his — 
mine  all  the  while — (emotion} — bear  him  no  ill-will — (applause). 
Political  principles — (profound  silence}  good  old  Whig  prin- 
ciples— (loud  applause} — rights  of  the  people — religious  liberty 
and  all  that — (vociferous  applause} — found  at  my  post  in 
the  hour  of  danger — enemy  stole  a  march  on  me — (great 
laughter  and  applause}.  Won't  detain  you — ladies  and  gentle- 
men— drink  your  good  healths,  and  many  happy  returns  of 
the  day." 

Down  sat  Mr.  Titmouse,  exhausted  with  his  maiden  speech, 
and  quite  overpowered,  moreover,  by  the  extraordinary  ap- 
plause with  which  he  was  greeted  at  its  conclusion.  In  due 
course,  many  other  toasts  were  drunk.  Dancing  was  now 
loudly  called  for;  and  the  hall  was  speedily  prepared  for  it. 
By  this  time,  however,  it  was  past  eleven  o'clock  :  the  free 
potations  of  all  the  men,  and  indeed  of  more  than  one  of 
the  ladies,  were  beginning  to  tell,  and  the  noise  and  confusion 
were  very  great.  Scenes  ensued  which  really  baffle  description. 
Mr.  Titmouse,  of  course,  drank  a  great  quantity  of  wine, 
altho  Mr.  Gammon  never  left  his  side,  and  checked  him 
fifty  times  when  he  was  about  to  fill  his  glass :  and  the  ex- 
citement produced  by  wine  will,  I  trust,  in  some  measure, 
mitigate  the  reader's  indignation  at  hearing  of  a  little  in- 
cident which  occurred,  in  which  Titmouse  was  concerned, 
and  which,  about  half-past  three  or  four  o'clock  in  the  morn- 
ing, served  to  bring  that  brilliant  entertainment  to  a  some- 
what abrupt  and  rather  unpleasant  termination.  Scarcely 
knowing  where  he  was  or  what  he  was  about,  I  am  sorry 
to  say,  that  while  standing,  as  well  as  he  could,  beside  Miss 
Wildfire,  to  dance  for  the  fifth  time  with  her — a  plump,  fair- 
faced  good-natured  girl  of  about  nineteen  or  twenty — he 
suddenly  threw  his  arms  around  her,  and  imprinted  half  a 
dozen  kisses  on  her  forehead,  lips,  cheek,  and  neck  before 
she  could  recover  from  the  confusion  into  which  this  extra- 
ordinary assault  had  thrown  her. 

Her  faint  shriek  reached  her  father's  ears,  while  he  was  in 
a  distant  part  of  the  room,  persecuting  Miss  Quirk  with  his 
drunken  and  profligate  impertinences.  Hastily  approaching 
the  quarter  whence  his  daughter's  voice  had  issued,  he  beheld 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


223 


her  just  extricated  from  the  insolent  embrace  of  the  half- 
unconscious  Titmouse,  and  greatly  agitated.  With  flaming 
eye  and  outstretched  arm,  he  approached  his  unfortunate 


little  host  and  seizing  hold  of  his  right  ear  almost  wrung 
it  out  of  his  head,  Titmouse  quite  shrieking  with  the  pain  it 
occasioned.  Still  retaining  his  hold,  uttering  the  while  most 


224  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

fearful  imprecations,  he  gave  him  three  violent  kicks  upon 
the  seat  of  honor,  the  last  of  which  sent  him  spinning  into 
the  arms  of  old  Mr.  Quirk,  who  was  hurrying  up  to  his  re- 
lief, and  who  fell  flat  on  the  floor  with  the  violent  concussion. 
Then  Miss  Quirk  rushed  forward  and  screamed;  a  scene  of 
dreadful  confusion  ensued;  and  at  length  the  infuriated  and 
half-drunken  baronet,  forced  away  by  his  wife  and  his 
daughter,  quitted  the  Hall,  and  got  into  his  carriage,  uttering 
fearful  threats  and  curses  all  the  way  home;  without  once 
adverting  to  the  circumstance,  of  which  also  Lady  Wildfire 
and  her  daughter  were  not  aware,  that  he  had  been  himself 
engaged  in  perpetrating  the  very  same  kind  of  misconduct 
which  he  had  so  severely  and  justly  punished  in  poor  Tit- 
mouse. 

About  half-past  four  o'clock,  the  sun  rose  in  cloudless 
splendor,  the  air 'cleared,  and  all  nature  seemed  freshened 
after  the  storm  of  the  preceding  day ;  but  what  a  scene  was 
presented  at  Yatton !  Two  or  three  persons,  one  with  his 
hat  off,  asleep;  another  grasping  a  half-empty  bottle;  and 
a  third  in  a  state  of  desperate  indisposition,  were  to  be  seen, 
at  considerable  distances  from  each  other,  by  the  side  of  the 
carriage-road  leading  down  to  the  park  gates.  Candles  and 
lamps  were  still  burning  and  glimmering  in  some  of  the 
rooms;  and  in  the  servants'  hall  there  were  some  dozen  or 
so,  who,  having  awoke  from  a  deep  sleep,  were  calling  for 
more  ale,  or  wine,  or  whatever  else  they  could  get.  Some  of 
the  old  family  servants  had  fled  hours  ago  from  scenes  of 
such  unwonted  riot,  to  their  bedrooms,  and,  having  locked 
and  barricaded  the  doors,  had  gone  to  sleep.  Mr.  Griffiths  sat 
in  an  old  arm-chair  in  the  library,  the  picture  of  misery;  he 
had  been  repeatedly  abused  and  insulted  during  the  night, 
and  had  fled  thither  unable  to  bear  the  sight  of  the  disgust- 
ing revelry  that  was  everywhere  around  going  forward.  In 
short,  at  every  point  that  caught  the  eye  were  visible  the 
evidences  of  the  villainous  debauchery  that  had  prevailed  for 
the  last  seven  hours,  and  which,  under  the  Titmouse  dynasty, 
was  likely  to  prevail  at  all  times  thereafter. 

As  for  Mr.  Titmouse,  half  stunned  with  the  treatment  he 
had  experienced  at  the  hands  of  Sir  Harkaway,  he  had  been 
carried  to  bed — to  the  late  bedroom  of  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Aubrey 
— where,  his  excessive  and  miscellaneous  and  long-continued 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  225 

potations  aiding"  the  effect  of  the  serious  injuries  which  he 
had  sustained,  he  lay  sprawling  on  the  bed,  half-undressed, 
in  a  truly  deplorable  condition.  Mr.  Glister,  who  had  been 
summoned  to  his  bedside  upward  of  an  hour  before,  sat  now 
nodding  in  his  chair  beside  his  patient.  Some  three  hours 
before,  Gammon  had  fled  from  the  scene,  in  disgust  and 
alarm,  to  his  bedroom,  but,  unable  to  sleep — not,  however, 
from  excess  of  wine,  for  he  had  drunk  but  a  very  few  glasses — 
had  risen  about  four  o'clock,  and  was  at  that  moment  wan- 
dering slowly,  with  folded  arms  and  downcast  countenance, 
up  and  down  the  fine  avenue  of  elm-trees. 

Titmouse,  assisted  by  his  attentive  valet,  made  a  desperate 
attempt  to  get  up  and  present  himself  the  next  day  at 
dinner.  Aided  by  a  glass  of  pretty  strong  brandy  and  water, 
he  at  length  got  through  the  fatiguing  duties  of  the  toilet, 
and  entered  the  drawing-room,  where  his  traveling  compan- 
ions were  awaiting  his  arrival — dinner  being  momentarily 
expected  to  be  announced.  He  was  deadly  pale;  his  knees 
trembled;  his  eyes  could  not  bear  the  light;  and  everything 
seemed  in  undulating  motion  around  him,  as  he  sank  in 
silent  exhaustion  on  the  sofa.  After  a  few  minutes'  continu- 
ance, he  was  compelled  to  leave  the  room,  leaning  on  Gam- 
mon's arm,  who  conducted  him  to  his  bedroom,  and  left 
him  in  charge  of  his  valet,  who  got  him  again  into  bed, 
where  he  lay  enduring  much  agony  (Dr.  Goddart  being  sent 
for),  while  his  friends  were  enjoying  themselves  at  dinner. 

Snap  had  set  off  the  ensuing  day  for  town,  by  the  first 
coach,  but  old  Mr.  Quirk  would  have  continued  at  Yatton 
until  something  definite  had  been  done  by  Titmouse,  in  two 
matters  which  absorbed  all  the  thoughts  of  the  old  gentleman 
— his  daughter  and  the  Ten  Thousand  Pounds  bond.  Miss 
Quirk,  however,  intense  as  was  her  anxiety  to  become  the 
affianced  bride  of  Titmouse  and  the  mistress  of  the  delight- 
ful domain  where  at  present  she  dwelt  only  as  a  guest 
and  in  a  very  embarrassing  position,  was  not  so  blind  to 
all  perception  of  womanly  delicacy  as  to  prolong  her  stay 
at  Yatton,  and  at  length  prevailed  upon  her  father  to  take 
their  departure  on  the  day  but  one  after  that  on  which  they 
had  arrived.  Mr.  Titmouse  was  sufficiently  recovered  to  be 
present  at  the  departure  of  Miss  Quirk,  who  regarded  his 
interesting  and  languid  looks  with  an  eye  of  melting  sym- 


226 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


pathy  and  affection.  With  half  a  smile  and  half  a  tear,  she 
slipped  into  his  hand,  as  he  led  her  to  the  chaise,  a  little 
sprig  of  heart' s-ease,  which  he  at  once  stuck  into  the  button- 
hole of  his  coat. 

"'Pon  my  soul — must  you  go?     Devilish  sorry  you  can't 
stay  to  have  seen  some  fun!— The  old  gent  (meaning  her 


father)  don't  quite  seem  to  like  it— he,  he!"  said  he  in  a  low 
tone :  then  he  handed  her  into  the  chaise,  she  dropping  her 
veil  to  conceal  the  starting  tear  of  mingled  disappointment 
and  desire  and  disgust,  and  they  drove  off,  Titmouse  kissing 
his  hand  to  her  as  he  stood  upon  the  steps — as  soon  as  they 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  227 

were  out  of  sight,  however,  exchanging  a  very  significant  smile 
with  Mr.  Gammon. 

The  next  day  Titmouse  rose  about  ten  o'clock,  almost 
entirely  recovered  from  his  indisposition.  Accompanied  by 
Mr.  Yahoo  and  Mr.  Fitz-Snooks,  with  whom  he  was  con- 
versing as  to  the  course  he  should  take  with  reference  to 
Sir  Harkaway — whom,  however,  they  advised  him  to  treat 
with  silent  contempt,  as  he,  Titmouse,  was  clearly  in  the 
wrong — he  took  a  stroll  about  noon,  down  the  path  leading 
to  the  park  gates. 

"By  jingo,  surely  here  comes  a  parson,"  quoth  Titmouse. 

"What  the  d 1  can  he  want  with  me?"  'Twas  Dr.  Tatham 

who  slowly  approached  them  dressed  in  his  Sunday  suit  and 
leaning  on  his  old-fashioned  walking-stick,  given  him  many, 
many  years  ago  by  the  deceased  Mrs.  Aubrey. 

"  Let's  have  some  sport,"  said  Fitz-Snooks. 

"  We  must  look  devilish  serious — no  grinning  till  the  proper 
time,"  said  Yahoo. 

"Hallo — you,  sir!"  commenced  Titmouse,  "who  are  you?" 
Dr.  Tatham  took  off  his  hat,  bowed,  and  was  passing  on. 

"  Devilish  cool,  upon — my — soul — sir!"  said  Titmouse,  star- 
ing impudently  at  the  worthy  little  doctor,  who  seemed  to  be 
taken  quite  by  surprise. 

"My  worthy  old  gentleman,"  said  Yahoo,  with  mock  re- 
spect, "  are  you  aware  who  it  was  that  asked  you  a  question  ?" 

"I  am  not,  sir,"  replied  Dr.  Tatham  quietly. 

"  My  name  is  Tittlebat  Titmouse,  at  your  service — and  you 
are  now  in  my  grounds,"  said  Titmouse,  approaching  him 
with  an  impudent  air. 

"•ffave  I  really  the  honor  to  address  Mr.  Titmouse?"  in- 
quired Dr.  Tatham,  somewhat  incredulously. 

"Why,  'pon  my  life,  I  think  so,  unless  I'm  changed  lately; 
and  by  Jove,  sir — now,  who  are  you?" 

"I  am  Dr.  Tatham,  sir,  the  Vicar  of  Yatton;  I  had  intended 
calling  at  the  Hall  to  offer  my  compliments ;  but  I  fear  I  am 
intruding ' 

"  Devil  a  bit— no,  'pon  honor,  no !  you're  a  very  good  old 
fellow,  I  don't  doubt — is  that  little  church  outside,  yours?" 

"It  is,  sir,"  replied  Dr.  Tatham  seriously  and  sternly,  his 
manner  completely  abashing  the  presumptuous  little  coxcomb 
who  addressed  him. 


228 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


"Oh — well — I — I — 'pon  my  soul,  happy  to  see  you,  sir — 
you'll  find  something  to  eat  in  the  Hall,  I  dare  say " 

"  Do  you  preach  in  that  same  little  church  of  yours  next 
Sunday?"  inquired  Mr.  Yahoo,  whose  gross  countenance 
filled  Dr.  Tatham  with  unspeakable  aversion. 

"  I  preach  there  every  Sunday,  sir,  twice,"  he  replied,  gravely 
and  distantly. 


t-h 


every 


.Sund 


ay 


"  You  see,  sir,"  lisped  Fitz-Snooks,  "  the  prayers  are  so  —  so 
—  devilish  long  and  tiresome  —  if  you  could  —  eh  ?  —  shorten  'em 
a 


Dr.  Tatham  slowly  turned  away  from  them,  and,  disregard- 
ing their  calls  to  him,  tho  their  tone  of  voice  was  greatly 
altered,  walked  back  again  toward  the  gate,  and  quitted 
the  park,  for  the  first  time  in  his  life,  with  feelings  of  mortal 
repugnance. 

The  next  day  was  the  Sabbath,  tranquil  and  beautiful  ;  and 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  229 

just  as  the  little  tinkling  bell  of  Yatton  Church  had  ceased, 
Dr.  Tatham  rose,  in  his  reading-desk,  and  commenced  the 
prayers.  The  church  was  quite  full,  for  every  one  was  natu- 
rally anxious  to  catch  a  glimpse  of  the  new  tenants  of  the 
Squire's  pew.  It  was  empty,  however,  till  about  five  minutes 
after  the  service  had  commenced,  when  a  gentleman  walked 
slowly  up  to  the  church  door,  and,  having  whispered  an  in- 
quiry of  the  old  pew-opener  which  was  the  Squire's  pew,  she 
led  him  into  it.  'Twas,  of  course,  Gammon,  who  behaved 
with  the  greatest  seriousness  and  reverence  throughout  the 
service,  paying  marked  attention  to  the  sermon. 

Gammon  was  an  unbeliever,  but  he  thought  Dr.  Tatham 
an  amiable  and  learned  enthusiast,  who  was  most  prob- 
ably in  earnest;  and  he  felt  disposed  to  admit,  as  his  eye 
glanced  round  the  attentive  and  decent  congregation,  that 
the  sort  of  thing  was  not  without  its  advantages.  Almost 
all  present  took  him  for  Titmouse,  and  watched  every  turn 
of  his  countenance  with  intense  interest;  and,  in  their  sim- 
plicity, they  rejoiced  that  Mr.  Aubrey's  successor  was,  at  all 
events,  so  grave  and  respectable-looking  a  man. 

About  the  middle  of  the  service  the  doors  of  the  church 
being  wide  open,  the  congregation  beheld  three  gentlemen 
smoking,  laughing,  and  talking  together,  approaching  the 
porch.  They  stopped  when  within  a  tew  yards  of  the  church 
and,  after  whispering  together  for  a  moment,  one  of  them, 
having  expelled  a  mouthful  of  smoke,  stepped  forward  to 
the  door,  holding  his  cigar  in  one  hand,  and  with  the  other 
taking  off  his  hat.  There  was  a  faint  smirk  on  his  face,  till 
he  beheld  Dr.  Tatham's  solemn  eye  fixed  upon  him,  while  he 
made  a  momentary  pause.  Titmouse  blushed  scarlet,  made 
a  hesitating  but  most  respectful  bow,  and,  stepping  back  a 
few  paces,  replaced  his  hat  on  his  head,  and  lit  his  cigar 
from  that  of  Mr.  Fitz-Snooks,  within  view,  perhaps  uncon- 
sciously, of  more  than  half  the  congregation.  Then  the  three 
gentlemen,  after  Mr.  Titmouse  had  spoken  a  word  or  two  to 
them,  burst  out  into  a  laugh  and  quitted  the  churchyard. 


230 


CHAPTER  XVIII 

GIVES  THE  DETAILS  OF  A  MOST  DECISIVE  DISCUSSION  BETWEEN 
THE  INGENUOUS  AUBREY  AND  THE  INSINUATING  GAMMON 

ON  their  arrival  in  London  after  vacating  Yatton  for  Mr. 
Titmouse,  the  unfortunate  Aubreys  drove  to  a  quiet  family 
hotel  in  a  retired  street  running  parallel  with  Piccadilly; 
they  were  all  wearied,  both  in  mind  and  body,  and  after  a 
very  slight  repast,  and  much  anxious  and  desponding  con- 
versation, they  bade  each  other  affectionate  adieus  and  re- 
tired to  rest.  They  rose  in  the  morning  refreshed  with  repose, 
and  in  a  much  more  tranquil  mood  of  mind  than  could  have 
been  expected. 

"Now,  we  enter,"  said  Aubrey,  with  a  cheerful  smile,  "upon 
the  real  business  of  life;  so  we  must  discard  sentiment — we 
must  think  not  of  the  past,  but  the  future." 

Shortly  after  breakfast,  Mr.  Aubrey,  accompanied,  at  their 
request,  by  his  wife  and  sister,  went  to  the  house  agent,  who 
had  been  commissioned  by  Mr.  Runnington  to  look  out 
two  or  three  residences  such  as,  on  their  arrival  in  town, 
they  might  easily  select  from.  One  was  particularly  recom- 
mended to  them;  and  after  due  inquiry,  within  three  days 
after  their  arrival  in  town,  they  engaged  it.  'Twas  a  small, 
but  convenient,  airy,  and  comfortable  house,  within  five 
minutes'  walk  of  Hyde  Park,  and  situated  in  Vivian  Street — 
a  recent  street — and  as  quiet  and  retired  as  they  could  have 
wished.  The  rent,  too,  was  moderate — fifty  pounds  a  year. 
Tho  none  of  the  houses  in  the  street  were  large,  they  were 
all  strictly  private  residences,  and  had  an  air  of  thorough 
respectability.  Within  a  week's  time,  their  luggage,  furni- 
ture, etc.,  had  arrived  in  town  from  Yatton;  and  the  Au- 
breys had  quite  sufficient  to  furnish  their  little  residence 
out  of  the  wreck  of  the  furniture  and  equipments  of  the 
Old  Hall.  When  Mrs.  Aubrey  and  Miss  Aubrey  came  to 
fetch  Mr.  Aubrey  out  of  his  study  to  witness  the  comple- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  231 

tion  of  their  labors,  he  gazed  round  him,  looked  at  each 
object,  and  then  at  the  two  dear,  fond  beings  standing 
beside  him,  awaiting  his  opinion  with  womanly  eagerness; 
but  he  could  not  express  his  feelings.  His  study,  tho 
very  small,  was  as  snug  and  comfortable  as  a  bookworm 
could  desire.  All  the  sides  were  covered  with  books,  and  in 
the  middle  were  the  library-table  and  armchair  which  he 
had  used  in  Grosvenor  Street,  and  which  were  certainly  on 
too  large  a  scale  for  the  little  room  to  which  they  had  been 
removed. 

Mr.  Aubrey  resolved  to  live  in  strict  privacy;  and  they 
communicated  their  residence  to  but  one  or  two  of  their 
numerous  friends,  and  to  them  only  in  confidence.  But  it  is 
time  that  I  should  proceed  to  give  a  more  particular  account 
of  the  position,  the  personal  feelings,  and  purposes  and  pros- 
pects of  Mr.  Aubrey.  The  BAR  was  the  profession  to  which 
his  tastes  and  inclinations,  and,  he  hoped,  his  qualifications 
pointed  him.  He  wrote  to  the  Attorney-General,  soliciting 
an  interview  upon  the  subject  of  entering  the  profession; 
and  received  an  immediate  answer,  appointing  ten  o'clock 
on  Saturday,  on  which  day  the  Attorney-General  expected 
to  be  free  from  public  engagements.  Precisely  at  that  hour, 
Mr.  Aubrey  entered  the  chambers  of  that  distinguished 
person. 

The  Attorney-General  was  a  tall  and  handsome  man, 
about  forty-five,  with  an  extremely  graceful  and  gentleman- 
like carriage — a  slight  dash  of  negligence  in  it.  His  manner 
was  fraught  with  cheerful  composure;  there  was  a  playful 
smile  about  his  mouth;  his  ample  forehead  seemed  u'nfur- 
rowed  by  a  wrinkle ;  and  his  bright,  penetrating,  hazel  eyes 
seemed  never  the  worse  for  wear  with  all  the  tens  of  thou- 
sands of  brief-sheets  on  which  they  had  traveled  for  the  last 
twenty  years. 

"  Ha — Aubrey — I'm  a  few  minutes  behindtime,  I'm  afraid ! 
How  are  you?"  said  he  with  a  cheerful  air,  grasping  his 
saddened  visitor  by  the  hand.  They  were  both  quickly  seated 
— and  within  a  minute  or  two  the  Attorney-General  had  got 
the  business  of  the  visit.  He  approved  entirely  of  Mr. 
Aubrey's  coming  to  the  bar,  and  strongly  recommended  him 
not  to  lose  one  day  in  entering  upon  the  serious  practical 
study  of  it ;  informing  him  that,  as  a  university  man,  within 


232  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

three  years'  time  he  would  be  eligible  to  be  called  to  the  bar. 
"  I'll  call  you  myself,  Aubrey,  if  you  will  allow  me,"  said  he. 
"All  that  I  can  do  for  you,  in  every  way,  I  will — command 
me !  By  the  way,"  he  added,  assuming  a  somewhat  anxious 
expression  of  countenance,  "I'm  almost  afraid  to  ask;  but 
how  do  you  come  on,  about  the — mesne  profits?" 

"I  have  heard  nothing  whatever  about  them  as  yet," 
replied  Aubrey,  sighing ;  his  face  suddenly  overshadowed  with 
gloom.  A  moment's  pause  ensued,  which  was  interrupted 
by  the  Attorney-General  saying,  in  a  very  earnest  and  feel- 
ing manner,  "  I  hope  to  God  you'll  be  able  to  get  some  favor- 
able arrangement  made !  You've  not  seen  anything  of  Mr. 
Titmouse's  attorneys,  I  suppose?" 

"Oh,  no!  nor  heard  anything  from  them." 

"I've  had  very  little  to  do  with  them:  Quirk,  Gammon, 
and  Snap — these  are  the  people,  eh?"  Mr.  Aubrey  nodded. 
"Quirk  is  a  stubborn,  wooden-headed  fellow — an  old  hedge- 
hog !  Egad !  that  man's  compounded  more  felonies,  the  old 
scamp,  than  any  man  in  England  !  I  should  like  to  have  him 
in  the  witness-box  for  a  couple  of  hours  or  so !  I  think 
I'd  tickle  him  a  little,"  said  the  Attorney-General,  with  a  bit- 
ter smile.  "They  say  he's  a  confidential  adviser  to  a  sort 
of  thieves'  association.  But  there's  Gammon :  I've  had 
several  things  to  do  with  him.  He  is  a  superior  man,  that 
Gammon ;  a  very  superior  man.  A  keen  dog !  Have  you 
seen  Mr.  Gammon?" 

"  No,  I've  had  no  occasion." 

"  He  has  a  pleasing,  gentlemanlike  appearance ;  rather  a 
striking  face.  He's  the  man  you'll  have  to  deal  with  in  any 
negotiations  on  the  subject  I  named.  You  mustn't  think 
me  intrusive,  Aubrey,  but,  have  they  sent  in  their  bill  yet?" 

Mr.  Aubrey  involuntarily  shuddered,  as  he  answered  in  the 
negative. 

"  I'd  give  a  trifle  to  know  how  the  plague  such  people  ever 
came  to  be  concerned  in  such  a  case.  By  the  way,  what  an 
inconceivably  ridiculous  little  ass  that  Titmouse  is — I  saw 
him  in  court  at  York.  If  he'd  only  go  on  the  stage,  and 
act  naturally,  he'd  make  his  fortune  as  a  fool!"  Mr.  Aubrey 
faintly  smiled  at  this  sally;  but  the  topics  which  the  Attor- 
ney-General had  just  before  touched  upon  had  not  a  little 
oppressed  his  spirits. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


233 


"As  this  is  comparatively  an  idle  day  with  me,"  said  the 
Attorney-General,  "and  I've  got  ten  minutes  more  at  your 
service— suppose  I  go  with  you  at  once— nothing  like  the 


But  tHeres  Gammon  : 
I've  h*&d  several  tilings 
tx>  do  vi-ith  him  .  " 


present  moment — to  Mr.  Weasel's,  in  whose  chambers  I  wish 
you  to  begin  your  studies?" 

"I  am  greatly  obliged  to  you,"  replied  Aubrey,  and  both 
rose  to  go. 


234  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Arriving  at  Mr.  Weasel's  the  Attorney-General  came  to  the 
point  in  about  half  a  minute,  and  the  matter  was  very  quickly 
settled;  it  being  arranged  that  within  a  day  or  two's  time,  as 
soon  as  the  forms  necessary  for  admitting  Mr.  Aubrey  to  an 
Inn  of  Court  should  have  been  completed,  he  should  commence 
his  attendance  at  Mr.  Weasel's,  from  ten  o'clock  till  five,  daily. 

A  little  fatigued  and  harassed  by  several  important  matters, 
which  kept  him  engaged  till  a  late  hour  in  the  afternoon, 
he  reached  Vivian  Street  in  a  depressed  and  desponding  mood. 
Yet  every  day  knit  that  little  family  together,  if  possible, 
in  stronger  bonds  of  love ;  for  they  clung  to  each  other  with 
a  feeling  of  having  been  thrust  out  of  the  great  gay  world 
together,  and  sent,  as  it  were,  upon  a  pilgrimage  afar, 
amid  scenes  of  increasing  gloom,  difficulty,  and  danger. 
They  were  very  happy  in  one  another's  company;  their 
house,  though  small,  was  convenient  and  comfortable;  they 
had  health;  Mr.  Aubrey  had  constant  exercise  for  an  active 
and  vigorous  mind  in  the  acquisition  of  the  learning  of  a 
noble  profession,  the  practise  of  which  might  possibly  here- 
after raise  all  of  them  even  to  affluence  and  distinction — at 
all  events,  would  secure  them  the  substantial  comforts  of  life. 

They  were  sitting  one  morning  at  their  usual  early  and 
simple  breakfast,  when  a  knock  at  the  door  announced  a 
visitor,  who  proved  to  be  Mr.  Runnington.  Why  it  was, 
they  hardly  knew;  but  they  all  slightly  changed  color.  He 
had  called  so  early,  he  said,  to  insure  seeing  Mr.  Aubrey  be- 
fore he  went  to  the  Temple.  As  soon  as  he  had  retired  with 
Mr.  Aubrey  to  the  study,  in  a  low  tone  he  informed  Mr.  Au- 
brey that,  the  evening  before,  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and 
Snap's  BILL  had  come  in. 

"What  is  the  amount  of  it,  then?"  inquired  Mr.  Aubrey, 
dreading  to  hear  the  answer ;  while  Mr.  Runnington  took  out 
of  his  pocket-book  a  slip  of  paper,  which  he  handed  to  Mr. 
Aubrey,  and  on  which  the  latter  read — "£3,946  145.  6d."  He 
gazed  at  it  for  some  moments  in  silence  and  became  very  pale. 

"This  is  a  very — large — amount,"  said  he  at  length. 

"  It  is  a  most  serious  affair,"  replied  Mr.  Runnington. 

"Will  you  also  oblige  me  by  saying  what  is  the  probable 
amount  of  your  bill?"  inquired  Mr.  Aubrey,  with  a  calmness 
which  seemed  lent  to  him  by  despair. 

"Why — perhaps  I  am  hardly  doing  right  in  mentioning  it; 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  235 

but  whenever  our  bill  is  sent  in,  it  will  be  less  by  some  six 
hundred  and  fifty  pounds,  by  the  noble  generosity  of  the 
Attorney-General,  who  has  returned  all  his  fees " 

"Returned  all  his  fees!"  echoed  Mr.  Aubrey,  starting.  He 
exquisitely  appreciated  the  conduct  of  his  distinguished  friend, 
and  at  the  same  time  felt  a  totally  new  and  very  painful 
sense  of  pecuniary  obligation. 

"I  feel,  Mr.  Aubrey,  that  I  have  broken  my  promise  to 
the  Attorney-General,  who  extracted  from  me  a  solemn  pledge 
that  you  should  never  know  it.  What  is  it,  after  all — no- 
ble as  it  is — to  the  Attorney-General,  with  his  £12,000  or 
£15,000  a  year?" 

"Oh — do  not  talk  so,  Mr.  Runnington;  I  am  overpowered, 
oppressed.  Never  in  all  my  life  have  I  experienced  feelings 
like  those  with  which  I  am  now  agitated.  How  much  does 
that  leave  me  your  debtor?" 

"Why — really  it  is  hard  to  say,  unprepared — I  should  im- 
agine some  £1,500  or  £1,600 — about  which — 

"  Then  there  is  Mr.  Parkinson's,"  said  Aubrey  in  a  low  tone, 
but  with  a  desperate  air;  presently  adding  :  "Here  are  some 
£6,000  or  £7,000  to  start  with;  and  then  we  come  to  the 
mesne  profits — gracious,  gracious  God  !"  he  suddenly  added 
with  a  visible  shudder.  He  folded  his  arms  convulsively,  and 
gazed  for  a  second  or  two  at  Mr.  Runnington,  with  an  eye 
whose  expression  was  overpowering. 

As  soon  as  he  had  recovered  his  self-command  he  quitted 
the  house  arm  in  arm  with  Mr.  Runnington.  As  they  walked 
along  Mr.  Runnington  told  Mr.  Aubrey  that  he  considered 
Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap's  bill  to  be  extortionate, 
and  that  it  might,  on  taxation — a  process  which  he  explained 
to  Mr.  Aubrey — be  reduced,  probably,  by  at  least  one-half. 
But  he  also  reminded  Mr.  Aubrey  of  the  power  which  they 
held  in  their  hands  in  respect  of  the  mesne  profits,  and  in- 
timated his  opinion  that  they  had  made  out  their  bill  with 
an  eye  to  such  considerations — namely,  that  it  should  be  dis- 
charged without  rigorous  scrutiny  into  its  constituent  items, 
before  they  would  listen  to  any  terms  whatever  for  the  pay- 
ment of  the  mesne  profits;  and  that  Mr.  Aubrey's  position 
with  respect  to  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  was  one 
which  required  the  greatest  possible  deliberation  and  circum- 
spection on  his  part,  especially  in  the  matter  of  the  bill. 


236  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"I  see!"  said  Mr.  Aubrey.  "The  whole  comes  to  this: 
they  will  relieve  me  from  liability  to  Mr.  Titmouse  for  as 
much  of  what  may  be  due  to  him  as  they  can  divert  into 
their  own  pockets  !  " 

"  That  certainly  seems  very  much  like  it,"  replied  Mr.  Run- 
nington,  shrugging  his  shoulders ;  "but  you  will  leave  all  such 
matters  to  us,  and  rely  on  our  honor  and  our  discretion. 
We  know  the  kind  of  people  we  have  to  deal  with.  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse is  likely  to  be  merely  a  puppet  in  their  hands — at 
least  in  those  of  Mr.  Gammon,  with  whom,  I  have  no  doubt, 
our  negotiations  will  have  to  be  carried  on." 

"Why  should  I  disguise  anything  from  you,  Mr.  Running- 
ton?"  said  Aubrey.  "  I  have  a  little  family  plate,  which  I 
could  not  bear  to  part  with;  my  books;  and  the  remnants 
of  the  furniture  at  Yatton,  which  I  have  saved  in  order  to 
furnish  our  present  residence.  Besides  this  there  is  a  sum  of 
about  ^3,000  in  the  funds,  and  ^423  at  my  banker's.  Those 
are  my  circumstances ;  they  appal  me  merely  in  stating  them  : 
— Why,  I  owe  double  the  sum  I  have  named,  for  lawyers'  bills 
only.  I  have  not  enough,  without  parting  with  my  books 
and  plate,  to  discharge  even  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and 
Snap's  bill!" 

"It  would  be  cruel  and  absurd  in  me  not  to  express  at 
once,  Mr.  Aubrey,  my  conviction  that  your  situation  is  fear- 
fully critical;  and  that  your  sole  hope  is  in  the  treatment 
which  may  be  expected  from  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and 
Snap,  and  their  client,  Mr.  Titmouse.  Serious  as  are,  at 
present,  your  other  liabilities — to  that  one,  they  are  but  as 
a  bucket  of  water  to  the  Thames.  As  we  are  talking,  Mr. 
Aubrey,  in  this  candid  and  unrestrained  manner,  I  will  tell 
you  my  chief  source  of  apprehension  on  your  account  with 
reference  to  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  :  namely,  that 
they  may  possibly  speculate  on  your  being  able,  if  placed 
in  real  peril,  to  call  around  you,  in  your  extremity,  a 
host  of  wealthy  and  powerful  friends — as  security,  or  other- 


"  They  will  find  themselves,  then,  utterly  mistaken.  If  they 
and  their  client  are  really  capable  of  such  shocking  brutality, 
let  them  do  their  worst ;  I  am  resigned.  Providence  will  find 
out  a  shelter  for  my  wife  and  children  and  my  sister;  and 
as  for  myself,  rather  than  satiate  the  rapacity  of  such 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  237 

wretches  by  plundering  good-natured  and  generous  friends, 
I  will  end  my  days  in  prison." 

Mr.  Runnington,  however,  hoped  that  it  would  not  come 
to  such  an  issue.  He  consoled  Mr.  Aubrey  with  assurances 
that,  as  for  their  own  demand,  it  might  stand  over  for 
several  years :  and  that  so,  he  was  sure,  would  it  be  with 
the  demand  of  Mr.  Parkinson.  If,  by  a  great  effort,  suffic- 
ient funds  could  be  raised  to  discharge  promptly  the  bill  of 
Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap,  he  felt  sure  that  some 
favorable  arrangement  respecting  the  amount  and  mode  of 
payment  of  the  mesne  profits  might  be  effected — leaving 
Mr.  Aubrey,  in  the  mean  time,  leisure  to  apply  himself  vigor- 
ously to  his  studies  for  the  bar,  for  which  Mr.  Runnington 
assured  him  that  he  considered  him  peculiarly  qualified. 

On  Mr.  Aubrey's  return  home  to  dinner,  he  found  that  his 
sister  had  received  a  long  letter  from  Dr.  Tatham,  to  which 
was  appended  a  postscript  mentioning  Mr.  Gammon  in  such 
terms  as  suggested  to  Mr.  Aubrey  to  seek  an  interview  with 
Mr.  Gammon,  who,  Dr.  Tatham  stated,  had  quitted  Yatton 
for  town.  For  that  purpose  he  quitted  Mr.  Weasel's  at  the 
early  hour  of  three  o'clock,  and  straightway  bent  his  steps 
to  Saffron  Hill.  Mr.  Aubrey  entered  the  hall  and  made  his 
way  into  the  clerk's  room. 

"Now,  sir,  your  business?"  asked  a  showily  dressed  youth, 
lolling  at  a  desk. 

"Is  Mr.  Gammon  within?"  inquired  Mr.  Aubrey. 

"Mr.  Gammon  is  in  his  room,  sir,  and  alone.  I  believe  he 
is  rather  busy — I've  no  doubt  you  can  see  him." 

The  fact  was  that  at  that  moment  Mr.  Gammon  was  en- 
gaged in  drawing  up  "  Instructions  to  prepare  Declarations" 
in  an  action  of  mesne  profits  against  Mr.  Aubrey  !  That  morn- 
ing a  long  discussion  had  taken  place  between  Mr.  Quirk  and 
Mr.  Gammon  on  the  subject.  Mr.  Quirk  was  for  making  short 
work  of  it — for  "going  straight  ahead" — and  getting  the 
whole  ;£6o,ooo  or  security  for  the  greater  portion,  and 
^"20,000  down.  Gammon  was  of  opinion  that,  by  attempt- 
ing to  proceed  to  extremities  against  Mr.  Aubrey,  they  could 
not  fail  of  drawing  down  on  themselves  and  their  client  uni- 
versal execration;  and,  moreover,  by  driving  Mr.  Aubrey 
desperate,  would  force  him  either  to  quit  the  country  or  ac- 
cept the  protection  of  the  insolvent  laws.  He  had,  at  length, 


238  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

satisfied  Mr.  Quirk  that  their  only  chance  was  in  gentleness 
and  moderation.  Gammon  had  as  keen  a  desire  and  as  firm 
a  determination  as  Quirk  to  wring  out  of  their  wretched 
victim  the  very  last  farthing  that  there  was  the  slightest 
probability  of  obtaining;  for  Titmouse  had  pointed  to  that 
quarter  for  the  discharge  of  his  ten-thousand-pound  bond 
to  the  firm,  and  also  of  their  bill  of  costs  to  him,  saying 
that  twenty,  or  at  least  fifteen  thousand  pounds,  were  to  be 
handed  over  to  himself,  and  all  the  rest  that  could  be  got, 
Mr.  Gammon  might  appropriate  to  his  own  use. 

Gammon's  inquiries  into  Mr.  Aubrey's  circumstances  con- 
vinced him  that  it  would  be  impossible  to  extract  any  con- 
siderable sum  from  that  unfortunate  gentleman ;  and  that  if 
the  firm  could  contrive  to  get  their  bill  paid,  and  perhaps 
obtain  substantial  security  for  four  or  five  thousand  of  the 
mesne  profits,  and  Aubrey's  own  personal  security  for  the 
payment  of  any  portion  of  the  remainder  hereafter,  they 
had  better  rest  satisfied,  and  look  for  liquidation  of  their 
heavy  claim  against  Titmouse  to  a  mortgage  upon  the 
Yatton  estates.  Mr.  Gammon  had  also  proposed  to  him- 
self certain  other  objects  in  dealing  with  Mr.  Aubrey  than 
the  mere  extraction  of  money  from  him.  In  short,  prompt- 
ed by  considerations  such  as  those  above  intimated,  he  had 
come  to  the  determination,  an  hour  or  so  before  Mr.  Aubrey's 
most  unexpected  visit,  at  once  to  set  in  motion  legal-jD.ro- 
ceedings  for  the  recovery  of  mesne  profits. 

"Havel  the  honor  to  address  Mr.  Gammon?"  commenced 
Mr.  Aubrey  courteously. 

"  Sir,  my  name  is  Gammon,"  he  replied,  with  an  expression 
of  very  great  surprise — "  I  believe  I  have  the  honor  of  seeing 
Mr.  Aubrey? — I  beg  you  will  allow  me  to  offer  you  a  chair." 

"I  dare  say  you  can  guess  the  occasion  of  my  visit,  Mr. 
Gammon,"  continued  Mr.  Aubrey,  seating  himself. 

Mr.  Gammon  bowed,  with  an  anxious,  expectant  air. 

"  I  allude  to  the  question  yet  remaining  between  your  client, 
Mr.  Titmouse,  and  me — the  mesne  profits.  To  me  it  is  a 
matter  of  life  and  death.  It  is  pressing  me  almost  to  the 
verge  of  madness!" 

"Do  not,  Mr.  Aubrey,"  said  Gammon,  in  a  tone  and  with 
a  look  which  touched  the  heart  of  his  agitated  visitor, 
"magnify  the  mischief.  What  is  there  to  stand  in  the  way 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  239 

of  an  amicable  adjustment  of  these  claims?  If  I  had  my 
way,  Mr.  Aubrey,  I  would  write  sixty  thousand  farthings 
for  sixty  thousand  pounds!" 

"  You  have  named  the  sum  for  which  I  believe  I  am  legally 
liable  to  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey  with  forced  com- 
posure; "it  is  a  sum  as  completely  out  of  my  power  to  pay, 
or  secure — even  a  quarter  of  it — as  to  give  him  one  of  the 
stars." 

"I  am  aware,  Mr.  Aubrey,  that  you  must  have  had  many 
calls  upon  you,  which  must  have  temporarily  crippled  your 
resources " 

''Temporarily!"  echoed  Mr.  Aubrey  with  a  sickening  smile. 

"  I  devoutly  trust  that  it  is  only  temporarily  !  For  your 
own  and  family's  sake,"  he  added  quickly,  observing  the 
watchfulness  with  which  his  every  look  and  word  were  re- 
garded by  his  visitor.  "  Any  proposal  which  you  may  think 
proper  to  make,  I  am  ready — eager — to  receive  and  consider 
in  a  liberal  spirit.  I  repeat,  if  you  had  me  only  to  deal  with 
— you  would  leave  this  room  with  a  lightened  heart;  but  to 
be  plain  and  candid,  our  client,  Mr.  Titmouse,  is  a  very  diffi- 
cult person  to  deal  with.  I  pledge  my  word  of  honor  to  you 
\O  Gammon!  Gammon/]  that  I  have  repeatedly  urged  upon 
Mr.  Titmouse  to  release  you  from  all  the  rents  received 
by  you  previously  to  your  receiving  legal  notice  of  the  late 
proceedings.  I  am  bound  to  say,  however,  as  the  law  now 
stands — if  Mr.  Titmouse  should,  contrary  to  my  advice,  de- 
termine to  stand  upon  his  strict  rights —  '  Gammon  paused, 
and  looked  with  melancholy  significance  at  Mr.  Aubrey. 

"  I  am  entirely  at  his  mercy !  I  understand.  I  do  trust, 
however,  that  in  the  name  of  our  common  humanity  he  will 
have  some  consideration  for  the  helpless  situation  in  which 
I  am  so  unexpectedly  placed,"  said  Aubrey,  with  mourn- 
ful energy.  "Never  having  imagined  it  necessary  to  save 
money — if  my  miserable  remnant  of  means  be  so  appropri- 
ated, we  are  literally  beggars."  He  paused,  and  his  voice 
faltered. 

"Indeed — indeed,  you  distress  me  beyond  measure,  Mr. 
Aubrey,"  said  Gammon  in  a  low  tone. 

"If  you  can  but  secure  me  a  merciful  interval,  to  prepare 
myself  for  the  profession  which  I  have  entered — the  bar — 
whatever  earnings  I  might  obtain,  after  saving  a  bare  main- 


24o  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

tenance  for  myself  and  family,  shall  be  devoted  faithfully 
to  liquidate  the  heavy  claims  upon  me !  Sir,  by  every  con- 
sideration which  may  influence  a  gentleman,  I  conjure  you 
to  interfere  between  me  and  utter  immediate  ruin  !" 

This  was  the  real  thrilling  language  of  the  heart;  but  it 
failed  to  produce  any  impression  upon  Gammon,  exciting 
only  intense  chagrin  and  disappointment.  These  feelings, 
however,  he  did  not  express.  "Oh,  that  it  were  but  in  my 
power,"  said  he,  with  great  energy,  "to  send  you  out  of 
this  room  a  free  man !  If  I  alone  were  to  be  consulted  I 
would  instantly  absolve  you  from  all  demands — or  at  least 
give  you  your  own  time,  and  take  no  other  security  than 
your  honor." 

("  Here's  a  kettle  of  fish,"  thought  Gammon  to  himself, 
and  bending  down  his  head,  he  covered  his  eyes  with  his 
hands;  "worse,  far  worse  than  I  had  suspected.  I  would 
take  five  pounds  for  all  my  residuary  interest  in  the  sixty 
thousand  pounds !  I've  not  the  least  doubt  that  he's  speak- 
ing the  truth.  But  the  bill  part  of  the  business  is  highly 
unsatisfactory !  Surely  Mr.  Aubrey  must  be  able  to  get 
security  ?  With  such  friends  and  connections  as  his  !  — if  one 
could  only  get  them  to  join  him  in  security  for  ten  thousand 
pounds — stay — that  won't  exactly  do,  either;  I  must  have 
my  thumb  upon  him.") 

"  I  am  so  profoundly  affected  by  the  situation  in  which  you 
are  placed,  Mr.  Aubrey,"  said  Gammon,  at  length  appearing 
to  have  subdued  his  emotion,  and  feeling  it  necessary  to 
say  something,  "that  I  think  I  may  take  upon  myself  to 
say  the  instructions  which  we  have  received  shall  not  be 
acted  upon,  come  what  may.  Those  must  be  really  mon- 
sters, not  men,  who  could  press  upon  one  in  your  posi- 
tion; and  that  such  should  be  attempted  by  one  who  has 
succeeded  to  your  former  advantages  is  inconceivably  shock- 
ing. Mr.  Aubrey,  you  shall  not  be  crushed  so  long  as  I  have 
any  influence  with  Mr.  Titmouse."  There  was  a  warmth, 
an  energy  in  Gammon's  manner  while  saying  this,"  which 
cheered  poor  Mr.  Aubrey.  "What  I  am  about  to  say,  Mr. 
Aubrey,  is  in  complete  confidence,"  continued  Gammon  in  a 
low  tone.  "  There  are  serious  difficulties  in  the  way  of  serv- 
ing you.  Mr.  Titmouse  is  a  weak  and  inexperienced  young 
man,  naturally  excited  to  a  great  pitch  by  his  present  eleva- 


242  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

tion,  and  already  embarrassed  for  want  of  ready  money. 
You  may  imagine,  sir,  that  his  liabilities  to  us  are  of  consid- 
erable magnitude.  Our  outlay  has  considerably  crippled 
our  pecuniary  resources,  and  driven  us  to  incur  liabilities 
which  are  beginning  to  occasion  us  considerable  anxiety. 
Of  course,  Mr.  Aubrey,  we  must  look  to  Mr.  Titmouse  to  be 
speedily  reimbursed :  he  insists  upon  our  immediately  calling 
upon  you;  and  I  have  reason  to  suspect  that  he  has  at  his 
elbow  one  or  two  very  heartless  advisers,  who  have  sug- 
gested this  course  to  him,  for  he  follows  it  most  pertinaciously. 
That  he  cannot  meet  the  liabilities  I  have  alluded  to,  out 
of  his  annual  income,  without  swallowing  it  up  entirely  for 
eighteen  months  or  two  years,  is  certain.  I  regret  to  say 
that  Mr.  Quirk  and  Mr.  Snap  encourage  his  disposition  to 
press  you; — do  not  be  alarmed,  my  dear  sir!"  he  continued, 
observing  the  deadly  paleness  of  Mr.  Aubrey,  whose  eye  was 
rivetted  upon  that  of  Gammon,  "for  I  declare  that  I  will 
stand  between  you  and  them,  and  it  is  enough  for  me  to  say 
that  I  have  the  power  of  doing  so.  I  am  the  only  person 
living  who  happens  to  possess  the  means  of  influencing  Mr. 
Titmouse;  and  I  am  determined  to  avail  myself  of  them. 
Now,  bearing  in  mind  that  I  have  no  legal  authority  from 
him,  and  am,  at  the  same  time,  only  one  of  a  firm,  and  as- 
suring you  that  I  am  entailing  a  serious  responsibility  upon 
myself  in  what  I  am  doing,  let  me  throw  out  for  your  con- 
sideration my  general  notion  of  what  I  think  ought  to  be 
done." 

"I  perfectly  understand;  I  listen  with  inexpressible  anxiety," 
said  Mr.  Aubrey. 

"Had  I  been  consulted,  we  should  have  proposed  to  you, 
with  reference  to  our  bill  (which  I  candidly  acknowledge 
contains  a  much  more  liberal  entry  than  would  be  allowed 
on  taxation,  and  which  is  none  of  my  doing)" — Gammon 
knew  the  credit  for  candor  which  he  was  likely  to  obtain 
with  Mr.  Aubrey  by  this  acknowledgment  of  a  fact  of  which 
Messrs.  Runnington  would  quickly  apprise  him  on  looking 
at  the  bill — "  I  should  have  proposed  to  you  the  payment 
of  our  bill  by  instalments,  during  the  next  three  or  four 
years,  provided  you  could  have  obtained  partial  security. 
But  I  am  only  one  of  three,  and  I  know  the  determination 
of  Mr.  Quirk  and  Mr.  Snap  not  to  listen  to  any  proposal 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  243 

with  reference  to  the  mesne  profits  which  is  not  based  upon 
—in  short,  th«y  say  the  bill  must  be  tpaid  at  once  without 
being  looked  into.  Oh,  let  me  disguise  nothing  from  you, 
my  dear  sir,  in  a  conversation  of  this  kind  between  two  gen- 
tlemen," continued  Gammon,  with  an  admirable  air  of  frank- 
ness, for  he  perceived  that  Mr.  Aubrey  looked  slightly  stag- 
gered. "  I  am  ashamed  to  acknowledge  that  that  bill  does 
contain  exorbitant  entries  which  have  led  to  frequent  and 
fierce  disputes  between  me  and  my  partners.  But  what  is  to 
be  done!  Mr.  Quirk  is  the  moneyed  man  of  the  firm;  and  if 
you  were  to  glance  at  the  articles  of  our  partnership" — Gam- 
mon shrugged  his  shoulders  and  sighed — "  you  would  see  the 
tyrannical  extent  of  power  over  his  partners  which,  in  virtue 
of  that  circumstance,  he  has  secured  !  You  observe  how  can- 
did I  am— perhaps  foolishly  so." 

"  Pray  do  not  say  so,  Mr.  Gammon ;  I  fully  appreciate  your 
motives.  I  am  devoured  with  anxiety  for  an  intimation  of 
the  nature  of  the  terms  which  you  were  so  kindly  about  to 
specify." 

"  Specify  is  perhaps  rather  too  strong  a  term — but  to  pro- 
ceed. Supposing,  Mr.  Aubrey,  the  preliminary  matter  which 
I  have  alluded  to,  satisfactorily  arranged,  I  am  disposed  to 
say  that  if  you  could  find  security  for  the  payment  of  the 
sum  of  ten  thousand  pounds  within  a  year,  or  a  year  and  a 
half — "  (Mr.  Aubrey's  teeth  almost  chattered  at  the  mention 
of  it) — "I — I — that  is,  my  impression  is — but  it  is  only  mine" 
added  Gammon  earnestly,  "that  the  rest  should  be  left 
to  your  own  honor,  you  giving  at  the  same  time  a  personal 
undertaking  to  pay,  at  a  future — a  very  distant  day — in  the 
manner  most  convenient  to  yourself — the  sum  of  ten  thou- 
sand pounds  more — making  in  all  only  one-third  of  the  sum 
due  from  you;  and  receiving  an  absolute  release  from  Mr. 
Titmouse  in  respect  of  the  remaining  two-thirds,  namely, 
forty  thousand  pounds." 

Mr.  Aubrey  listened  to  all  this  with  his  faculties  strung 
to  the  utmost  pitch  of  intensity,  and,  when  Gammon  ceased, 
experienced  a  transient  sense  of  relief. 

"  Have  I  made  myself  intelligible,  Mr.  Aubrey  ?"  inquired 
Gammon  with  a  kind,  but  serious  air. 

"  Perfectly — but  I  feel  so  overwhelmed  with  the  magnitude 
of  the  topics  we  are  discussing  that  I  scarcely  at  present 


244  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

appreciate  the  position  in  which  you  would  place  me.  I 
must  throw  myself  entirely  upon  your  indulgence!" 

Gammon  looked  a  little  disappointed. 

"I  can  imagine  your  feelings,  sir,"  said  he,  as  he  took  a 
sheet  of  paper  and  a  pencil ;  and  while  he  made  a  few  mem- 
oranda of  the  arrangement  which  he  had  been  mentioning, 
he  continued :  "  You  see — the  great  result  of  what  I  have 
been  hastily  sketching  off  is  to  give  you  ample  time  to  pay 
the  sums  which  I  have  named,  and  to  relieve  you,  at  once, 
absolutely  from  no  less  a  sum  than  FORTY  THOUSAND  POUNDS," 
said  he,  with  emphasis  and  deliberation,  "  for  which — and  with 
interest — you  would  otherwise  remain  liable  to  the  day  of 
your  death ; — there  could  be  no  escape — except,  perhaps,  into 
banishment,  which  with  your  feelings  would  be  worse  than 
death — for  it  would  be  a  dishonorable  exile,  to  avoid  just 
liabilities — and  those  who  bear  your  name  would,  in  such 
an " 

"  Pray,  sir,  be  silent !"  exclaimed  Mr.  Aubrey  in  a  tone  that 
electrified  Gammon,  who  started  from  his  chair.  Mr.  Aubrey's 
face  was  whitened;  his  eye  glanced  lightning  at  his  com- 
panion. Dagon-like,  Gammon  had  put  forth  his  hand  and 
touched  the  ark  of  Aubrey's  honor.  Gammon  lost  his  color, 
and  for,  perhaps,  the  first  time  in  his  life  quailed  before  the 
majesty  of  man. 

"  I  am  guilty  of  great  weakness,  sir,"  continued  Mr.  Aubrey, 
his  excitement  only  a  little  abated.  He  stood  erect  and 
spoke  with  stern  precision ;  "  but  you,  perhaps  unconsciously, 
provoked  the  display  of  it.  Sir,  I  am  ruined ;  I  am  a  beggar ; 
we  are  all  ruined;  we  are  all  beggars:  it  is  the  ordering  of 
God,  and  I  bow  to  it.  But  do  you  presume,  sir,  to  think 
that  at  last  my  HONOR  is  in  danger?  and  consider  it  neces- 
sary, as  if  you  were  warning  one  whom  you  saw  about  to 
become  a  criminal,  to  expatiate  on  the  nature  of  the  medi- 
tated act  by  which  I  am  to  disgrace  myself  and  my  family  ?" 

"This  is  a  sally  equally  unexpected,  Mr.  Aubrey,  and,  per- 
mit me  to  add,  unwarrantable,"  said  Gammon  calmly,  hav- 
ing recovered  his  self-possession.  "You  have  entirely  misun- 
derstood me;  or  I  have  ill  explained  myself.  Suffer  me  to 
tell  you  that  I  feel  an  inexpressible  respect  for  you,  and  am 
miserable  at  the  thought  of  one  word  of  mine  having  oc- 
casioned you  an  instant's  uneasiness."  By  the  time  Gammon 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  245 

had  done  speaking,  Mr.  Aubrey  felt  ashamed  and  mortified 
at  himself,  and  conceived  an  admiration  of  the  dignified  for- 
bearance of  Gammon,  which  quickly  heightened  into  respect 
for  his  general  character,  as  it  appeared  to  Aubrey,  and  fer- 
vent gratitude  for  the  disposition  which  he  had  evinced,  from 
first  to  last,  so  disinterestedly  to  serve  a  ruined  man. 

"  As  I  am  a  man  of  business,  Mr.  Aubrey,"  said  Gammon 
shortly  afterward,  with  a  captivating  smile,  "and  this  is  a 
place  of  business,  shall  we  resume  our  conversation?  With 
reference  to  the  first  ten  thousand  pounds,  it  can  be  a  matter 
of  future  arrangement  as  to  the  instruments  by  which  its 
payment  is  to  be  secured;  and  as  for  the  remaining  ten 
thousand,  if  I  were  not  afraid  of  rendering  myself  liable  to 
Mr.  Titmouse  for  neglecting  his  interests,  I  should  be  con- 
tent with  your  verbal  promise — your  mere  word  of  honor — to 
pay  it,  as  and  when  you  conveniently  could.  But,  in  justice 
to  myself,  I  really  must  take  a  show  of  security  from  you. 
Say,  for  instance,  two  promissory  notes,  for  five  thousand 
pounds  each,  payable  to  Mr.  Titmouse.  You  may  really  re- 
gard them  as  matters  of  mere  form ;  for,  when  you  shall  have 
given  them  to  me,  they  will  be  deposited  there1''  (pointing 
to  an  iron  safe),  "  and  not  again  be  heard  of  until  you  may 
have  inquired  for  them.  I  tell  you  candidly  that  they  must 
be  negotiable  in  point  of  form ;  but  I  assure  you  that  I  will 
not  permit  them  to  be  negotiated.  Now,  may  I  venture  to 
hope  we  understand  each  other?"  added  Gammon,  with  a 
cheerful  air,  "and  that  this  proposition  will  have  the  effect 
of  relieving  you  from  an  immense  load  of  anxiety  and  lia- 
bility?" 

"An  immense — a  crushing  load,  indeed,  sir,  if  Providence 
shall  enable  me  to  perform  my  part  of  the  arrangement,  and 
if  you  have  but  power  to  carry  your  views  into  effect,"  re- 
plied Mr.  Aubrey. 

.  "  Leave  that  to  me,  Mr.  Aubrey ;  I  will  undertake  to  do  it ; 
and  the  more  anxiously,  for  that  I  may  thereby  hope  to  es- 
tablish a  kind  of  set-off  against  the  misery  and  loss  which 
my  professional  exertions  have  contributed  to  occasion  you !" 

"  I  feel  very  deeply  sensible  of  your  unexpected  kindness, 
Mr.  Gammon;  but  still,  the  arrangement  suggested  is  one 
which  occasions  me  dreadful  anxiety  as  to  my  being  able 
to  carry  out  my  part  of  it." 


246  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"  Never,  never  despair,  Mr.  Aubrey !  Heaven  helps  those 
who  help  themselves ;  and  I  really  imagine  I  see  your  power- 
ful energies  already  beginning  to  surmount  your  prodigious 
difficulties !  When  you  have  slept  over  the  matter,  you  will 
feel  the  full  relief  which  this  arrangement  is  so  calculated  to 
afford  your  spirits.  Of  course,  too,  you  will  lose  no  time 
in  communicating  to  Messrs.  Runnington  the  nature  of  the 
arrangement  which  I  have  proposed.  I  can  predict  that 
they  will  be  not  a  little  disposed  to  urge  you  to  complete 
it." 

"  I  will  consult,  as  you  suggest,  sir,  my  professional  advis- 
ers, and  am  strongly  inclined  to  believe  that  they  will  feel 
as  you  predict.'  I  am  bound  to  consult  them " 

"  Oh,  certainly  !  certainly  !  I  am  very  strict  in  the  observ- 
ance of  professional  etiquette,  Mr.  Aubrey,  I  assure  you; 
and  should  not  think  of  going  on  with  this  arrangement, 
except  with  them  acting  on  your  behalf.  One  thing  I  have 
to  beg,  Mr.  Aubrey,  that  either  you  or  they  will  communicate 
the  result  of  your  deliberations  to  me  personally.  By  the 
way,  if  you  would  favor  me  with  your  address,  I  shall  make 
a  point  of  calling  at  your  house  either  late  in  the  evening 
or  early  in  the  morning." 

"I  am  infinitely  obliged  to  you,  sir — but  it  would  be  far 
more  convenient  for  both  of  us  if  you  could  drop  me  a  line, 
or  favor  me  with  a  call  at  Mr.  Weasel's,  in  Pomegranate 
Court  in  the  Temple." 

"As  you  like — as  you  like,  Mr.  Aubrey,"  replied  Gammon, 
with  difficulty  concealing  his  feelings  of  pique  and  disap- 
pointment at  losing  the  opportunity  of  a  personal  introduc- 
tion to  Mr.  Aubrey's  family.  After  a  few  words  of  general 
conversation  they  parted.  It  had  been  to  Mr.  Aubrey  a 
memorable  interview — and  to  Gammon  a  somewhat  arduous 
affair,  taxing  to  an  unusual  extent  his  powers  of  self-com- 
mand and  of  dissimulation.  As  soon  as  he  was  left  alone, 
his  thoughts  instantly  recurred  to  Aubrey's  singular  burst 
of  hauteur  and  indignation.  Gammon  had  a  stinging  sense 
of  submission  to  superior  energy — and  felt  indignant  with 
himself  for  not  having  resented  it.  Setting  aside  this  source 
of  exquisite  irritation  to  the  feelings  of  a  proud  man,  he  felt 
a  depressing  consciousness  that  he  had  not  met  with  his 
usual  success  in  his  recent  encounter  with  Mr.  Aubrey,  who 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  247 

had  been  throughout  cautious,  watchful,  and  courteously 
distrustful.  He  had  afforded  occasional  glimpses  of  the  un- 
approachable pride  of  his  nature— and  Gammon  had  crouched. 
Was  there  anything  in  their  interview — thought  he,  walking 
thoughtfully  to  and  fro  in  his  room — which,  when  Aubrey 
came  to  reflect  upon — for  instance,  had  Gammon  disclosed 
too  much  about  the  extent  of  his  influence  over  Titmouse? 
His  cheek  slightly  flushed;  a  sigh  of  fatigue  and  excitement 
escaped  him. 


CHAPTER    XIX 

DISCLOSES  THE  RESTIVENESS  OF  THE  HERO  AT  YATTON,  THE 
FUTILITY  OF  HIS  RESISTANCE,  TOGETHER  WITH 
OTHER  PLEASANT  MATTERS  REGARDING 
HIS  NEWLY  BESTOWED  FAME 
IN  TOWN. 

BUT  I  must  return  to  Yatton,  where  some  matters  had 
transpired  which  are  worth  noticing.  Tho  Mr.  Yahoo  paid 
rather  anxious  court  to  Mr.  Gammon,  who  was  far  too 
much  for  him  in  every  way,  'twas  plain  that  he  dreaded  and 
disliked  the  solicitor  as  much  as  he  himself  was  despised  by 
that  gentleman.  Mr.  Gammon  easily  extracted  from  Tit- 
mouse that  Yahoo  was  endeavoring,  from  time  to  time,  art- 
fully to  set  him  against  his  protector,  Mr.  Gammon.  This 
was  something;  but  more  than  this — Yahoo,  a  bold,  dashing 
scoundrel,  was  obtaining  a  growing  ascendency  over  Tit- 
mouse, whom  he  was  rapidly  initiating  into  all  manner  of 
vile  habits  and  practises,  and,  in  short,  completely  corrupt- 
ing. But,  above  all,  Gammon  ascertained  that  Yahoo  had 
already  commenced  with  great  success  his  experiments  upon 
the  purse  of  Titmouse. 

Before  they  had  been  a  week  at  Yatton,  down  came  a 
splendid  billiard  table  with  its  appendages  from  London, 
accompanied  by  a  man  to  fix  it  in  the  library.  This  room 
was  quickly  denuded  of  all  traces  of  its  former  character, 
and  here  Yahoo,  Titmouse,  and  Fitz-Snooks  would  pass  a 
good  deal  of  their  time.  Then  they  would  have  tables  and 
chairs,  and  cards,  cigars,  and  brandy  and  water  out  upon  the 
lawn,  and  sit  there  for  half  a  day  together  playing  ecarte', 
at  once  pleasantly  soothed  and  stimulated  by  their  cigars  and 
brandy  and  water.  Then  Yahoo  got  up  frequent  excursions, 
to  Grilston,  and  even  to  York;  where  together  with  his  two 
companions  he  had  "great  sport,"  as  the  newspapers  began 
to  intimate  with  growing  frequency  and  distinctness.  Mr. 
Gammon  conceived  a  fearful,  a  shuddering  loathing  and  dis- 
gust for  the  miscreant  leader  into  these  enormities,  so  he 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  249 

sent  a  letter  up  to  Snap,  desiring  him  to  go  to  two  or  three 
money-lenders,  and  ascertain  whether  they  had  any  paper  by 
them  with  the  name  of  "  Yahoo"  on  it ;  and  in  the  event  of 
such  being  discovered,  he  was  to  act  in  the  manner  pointed 
out  by  Gammon. 

Off  went  Snap  like  a  shot,  and  the  very  first  gentleman  he  ap- 
plied to,  viz.,  a  Mr.  SUCK' EM  DRY,  proved  to  be  possessed  of 
an  acceptance  of  Yahoo's  for  two  hundred  pounds,  for  which 
Dry  had  given  only  five  pounds  on  speculation.  He  readily 
yielded  to  Snap's  representation,  that  he  would  give  him — 
Dry — a  shy  at  Mr.  Yahoo  gratis — and  put  the  document 
into  the  hands  of  Snap;  who  forthwith  delivered  it,  confi- 
dently, to  Swindle  Shark,  gent.,  an  attorney  in  Chancery 
Lane,  into  whose  office  the  dirty  work  of  Quirk,  Gammon, 
and  Snap  was  swept — in  cases  in  which  they  did  not  choose 
to  appear,  and  which  were  low,  indeed. 

Nothing  could  exceed  the  astonishment  and  concern  with 
which  Mr.  Gammon,  the  evening  but  one  afterward,  on  re- 
turning to  the  Hall  from  a  ride  to  Grilston,  heard  Titmouse 
and  Fitz-Snooks — deserted  beings  !  — tell  him  how,  an  hour 
before,  two  big  vulgar  fellows,  one  of  them  with  a  long  slip 
of  paper  in  his  hands,  had  called  at  the  Hall,  asked  for  the 
innocent  unsuspecting  Yahoo,  and  insisted  on  his  accom- 
panying them  to  the  house  of  one  of  the  bailiffs,  and  then  to 
York  Castle.  They  had  brought  a  tax  cart  with  them  for 
his  convenience;  and  into  it,  between  his  two  new  friends, 
was  forced  to  get  the  astonished  Yahoo — swearing  oaths 
enough  to  last  the  whole  neighborhood  for  a  fortnight  at 
least.  Mr.  Gammon  was  quite  shocked  at  the  indignity 
which  had  been  perpetrated,  and  asked  why  the  villains  had 
not  been  kept  till  he  could  have  been  sent  for. 

As  soon  as  the  York  True  Blue  had,  amongst  other  imita- 
tions of  fashionable  movements,  informed  the  public  that 
"  The  Hon.  Puppy  Yahoo"  had  quitted  Yatton  Hall  for 
York  Castle,  where  he  intended  to  remain  and  receive  a  large 
party  of  friends — it  was  astonishing  how  soon  they  began  to 
muster  and  rally  round  him.  "  Detainers" —so  that  species 
of  visiting  cards  is  called — came  fluttering  in  like  snow;  and, 
in  short  there  was  no  end  to  the  messages  of  civility  and  con- 
gratulation which  he  received  from  those  whom  he  had  obliged 
with  his  valuable  countenance  and  custom. 


250  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Yahoo  having  been  thus  adroitly  disposed  of,  Mr.  Gam- 
mon had  the  gratification  of  finding  that  mischievous  sim- 
pleton Fitz-Snooks  very  soon  afterward  take  his  departure. 
He  pined  for  the  pleasures  of  the  town.  As  soon  as  poor 
Titmouse  had  bade  him  good-by,  shaken  hands  with  him, 
and  lost  sight  of  him,  he  was  completely  cowed  and  pros- 
trate. He  was  at  Yatton,  alone  with  Gammon — and  he  felt  as 
if  a  spell  were  upon  him.  He  had  no  feeling  of  ownership  of 
Yatton;  but  of  being,  as  it  were,  only  tenant-at-will  thereof 
to  Mr.  Gammon.  How  was  it?  Mr.  Gammon's  manner  to- 
ward him  was  most  uncommonly  respectful;  what  else  could 
he  wish  for  ?  Yet  he  would  have  given  a  thousand  pounds  to 
Mr.  Gammon  to  take  himself  off,  and  never  show  his  nose 
again  at  Yatton  !  At  length  Gammon  broached  the  subject 
of  their  bill,  and  a  frightful  amount  it  was !  There  were  the 
moneys  advanced  by  Mr.  Quirk,  for  his  support  for  eight 
or  nine  months,  on  a  liberal  scale,  which  amounted  to  a  sum 
infinitely  larger  than  could  have  been  supposed;  and  lastly, 
the  bond  for  ten  thousand  pounds,  as  the  just  reward  to 
the  firm  for  their  long-continued,  most  anxious,  and  success- 
ful exertions  on  Titmouse's  behalf.  Titmouse  mustered  up 
all  his  resolution  as  for  a  last  desperate  struggle;  swore 
they  were  robbing  him ;  and  added,  with  a  furious  snap  of 
the  fingers,  "they  had  better  take  the  estate  themselves — 
allow  him  a  pound  a  week,  and  send  him  back  to  Tag-rag's." 
Then  he  burst  into  tears,  and  cried  like  a  child,  long  and 
bitterly. 

"Well,  sir,"  said  Gammon,  after  remaining  silent  for  some 
time,  looking  at  Titmouse  calmly,  but  with  an  expression  of 
face  which  frightened  him  out  of  his  wits,  "if  this  is  to  be 
really  the  way  in  which  I  am  to  be  treated  by  you — I,  the 
only  real  disinterested  friend  you  have  in  the  world — if  my  ad- 
vice is  to  be  spurned  and  my  motives  suspected ;  if  your  first 
and  deliberate  engagements  to  our  firm  are  to  be  wantonly 
broken " 

"  Ah,  but,  'pon  my  soul  I  was  humbugged  into  making 
them,"  said  Titmouse  passionately. 

"Why,  you  little  miscreant!"  exclaimed  Gammon,  starting 
up  in  his  chair,  and  gazing  at  him  as  if  he  would  have 
scorched  him  with  his  eye,  "do  YOU  dare  to  say  so?  If  you 
have  no  gratitude — have  you  lost  your  memory?  What 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  251 

were  you  when  I  dug  you  out  of  your  filthy  hole  at  Closet 
Court?  Did  you  not  repeatedly  go  down  on  your  knees  to 
us?  Did  you  not  promise  a  thousand  times  to  do  infinitely 
more  than  you  are  now  called  upon  to  do?  And  is  this, 
you  despicable  little  insect !  — is  this  the  return  you  make  us 
for  putting  you,  a  beggar — and  very  nearly  too,  an  idiot — 

"You're  most  uncommon  polite,"  said  Titmouse,  suddenly 
and  bitterly. 

"Silence,  sir!  I  am  in  no  humor  for  trifling!"  interrupted 
Gammon,  sternly.  "  I  say,  is  this  the  return  you  think  of 
making  us ;  not  only  to  insult  us,  but  to  refuse  to  pay  money 
actually  advanced  by  us  to  save  you  from  starvation?  Re- 
member— remember,  Tittlebat  Titmouse,"  continued  Gammon, 
in  a  low  tone,  and  extending  toward  him  threateningly  his 
thin  forefinger,  "  I  who  made  you,  will  in  one  day — one  sin- 
gle day — unmake  you— will  blow  you  away  like  a  bit  of  froth ; 
you  shall  never  be  seen  or  heard  of,  or  thought  of,  except 
by  some  small  draper  whose  unhappy  shopman  you  may  be !" 

"Ah! — 'pon  my  life!  Dare  say  you  think  I'm  uncommon 
frightened  !  Ah,  ha  !  Monstrous — particular  good  ! "  said 
Titmouse. 

Gammon  perceived  that  he  trembled  in  every  limb;  and 
the  smile  which  he  tried  to  throw  into  his  face  was  so 
wretched  that,  had  you  seen  him  at  that  moment,  and  con- 
sidered his  position,  much  and  justly  as  you  now  despise 
him,  you  must  have  pitied  him.  "  You're  always  now  going 
on  in  this  way! — It's  so  very  likely!"  continued  he.  "Why, 
'pon  my  soul,  am  not  I  to  be  A  LORD  one  of  these  days? 
Can  you  help  that  ?  Can  you  send  a  LORD  behind  a  draper's 
counter?  'Pon  my  soul,  what  do  you  say  to  that?  I  like 
that  uncommon " 

"What  do  I  say?"  replied  Gammon,  calmly,  "why,  that 
I've  a  great  mind  to  say  and  do  something  that  would  make 
you — make  you — fit  to  jump  head  foremost  into  a  sewer!" 

Titmouse's  heart  was  lying  fluttering  at  his  throat. 

"Tittlebat,  Tittlebat!"  continued  Gammon,  dropping  his 
voice,  and  speaking  in  a  very  kind  and  earnest  manner,  "if 
you  did  but  know  the  extent  to  which  an  accident  has  placed 
you  in  my  power !  at  this  moment  in  my  power !  Really  I 
almost  tremble,  myself,  to  think  of  it!"  He  rose,  brought 
his  chamber-candlestick  out  of  the  hall — lit  it — bade  Tit- 


252 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


mouse  good-night.  "  I  may  rid  you  of  my  presence  to- 
morrow morning,  Mr.  Titmouse.  I  shall  leave  you  to  try  to 
enjoy  Yatton!  May  you  find  a  truer— a.  more  powerful  friend 
than  you  will  have  lost  in  me!"  Titmouse  never  shrunk 
more  helplessly  under  the  eye  of  Mr.  Gammon  than  he  did  at 
that  moment. 


f*. 


I. \vho  made 
_you ,  will  in 

one  single 
d-ay-unrrvake 


"You — you — won't  stop  and  smoke  another  cigar  with  a 
poor  devil,  will  you,  Mr.  Gammon?"  he  inquired  faintly. 
"  It's  somehow — most  uncommon  lonely  in  this  queer,  large, 
old-fashioned " 

"Not   to-night,    thank  you,"  replied  Gammon — and  with- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  253 

drew,  leaving  Titmouse  in  a  state  of  mingled  alarm  and 
anger — the  former,  however,  predominating. 

"By  jingo!"  he  at  length  exclaimed,  with  a  heavy  sigh, 
after  a  reverie  of  about  three  minutes,  gulping  down  the 
remainder  of  his  brandy  and  water.  "  If  that  same  gent,  Mr. 
Gammon,  a'n't  the — the — devil — he's  the  very  best  imitation 
of  him  that  ever  I  heard  tell  of!" 

The  next  morning  the  storm  had  entirely  blown  over. 
When  they  met  at  breakfast,  Titmouse,  as  Gammon  knew 
would  be  the  case,  was  all  submission  and  respect;  in  fact, 
he  was  evidently  thoroughly  frightened  by  what  Gammon 
had  said,  and  infinitely  more  by  the  manner  in  which  he  had 
said  what  he  did  say  overnight.  Gammon,  however,  pre- 
served for  some  little  time  the  haughty  air  with  which  he 
had  met  him  :  but  a  few  words  of  poor  Titmouse's  express- 
ing his  regret  for  what  he  had  said  when  he  had  drunk  too 
much — poor  little  soul — overnight,  and  unqualifyingly  sub- 
mitting to  every  one  of  the  requisitions  which  had  been 
insisted  on  by  Mr.  Gammon — quickly  dispersed  the  cloud 
that  was  settled  on  Gammon's  brow. 

"Now  my  dear  sir,"  said  he  very  graciously,  "you  show 
yourself  the  gentleman  I  always  took  you  for — and  I  forget, 
forever,  all  that  passed  between  us  so  unpleasantly  last  night. 
I  am  sure  it  will  never  be  so  again  :  for  now  we  entirely 
understand  each  other?" 

"Oh,  yes — 'pon  my  life — quite  entirely!"  replied  Titmouse, 
meekly. 

Soon  after  breakfast  they  adjourned  at  Gammon's  request 
to  the  billiard-room;  where  they  had  the  friendly  conversa- 
tion in  which  Titmouse  made  the  suggestion  we  have  already 
heard  of,  viz.,  that  Gammon  should  immediately  clap  the 
screw  upon  Aubrey,  with  the  view  to  squeezing  out  of  him 
at  least  sufficient  money  to  pay  the  ten  thousand  pound 
bond  and  their  bill  of  costs  immediately. 

"  I  shall  try  to  get  it  out  of  Mr.  Aubrey,"  said  Gammon, 
"and  then  out  of  another  friend  of  yours.  In  the  mean 
while  we  must  not  drop  the  Tag-rags  just  yet." 

There  was  a  visible  alteration  for  the  better  in  the  state  of 
things  at  Yatton  as  soon  as  Messrs.  Yahoo  and  Fitz-Snooks 
had  been  disposed  of.  Now  and  then  a  few  of  the  distin- 
guished people  who  had  honored  Mr.  Titmouse  by  going 


254  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

out  in  procession  to  meet  and  welcome  him  were  invited 
to  spend  a  day  at  Yatton,  and  generally  quitted  it  full  of  ad- 
miration of  the  dinner  and  wines  they  got,  the  unaffected 
good-nature  and  simplicity  of  their  hospitable  host,  arid  the 
bland,  composed,  and  intellectual  deportment  and  conversa- 
tion of  Mr.  Gammon. 

On  the  first  Sunday  after  the  departure  of  Fitz-Snooks, 
Titmouse  was  prevailed  upon  to  accompany  the  devout  and 
exemplary  Gammon  to  church;  where,  barring  a  good  many 
ill-concealed  yawns  and  constant  fidgetiness,  be  conducted 
himself  with  tolerable  decorum.  Yet  still  the  style  of  his 
dress,  his  air,  and  his  countenance  filled  the  little  congrega- 
tion with  feelings  of  great  astonishment,  when  they  thought 
that  that  was  the  new  Squire  of  Yatton,  and  for  a  melancholy 
moment  contrasted  him  with  his  predecessor,  Mr.  Aubrey. 
As  for  the  worthy  vicar,  Dr.  Tatham,  Gammon  resolved  to 
secure  his  good  graces,  and  succeeded.  He  called  upon  him 
soon  after  having  heard  from  Titmouse  of  his,  Yahoo's,  and 
Fitz-Snooks's  encounter  with  Dr.  Tatham,  and  expressed  pro- 
found concern  on  hearing  of  the  rude  treatment  he  had 
encountered.  He  exhibited  a  gentleness  and  affability — tem- 
pering and  enhancing  his  evident  acuteness  and  knowledge  of 
the  world — which  quite  captivated  the  little  Doctor.  But, 
above  all,  the  expressions  of  delicate  sympathy  and  regret 
with  which  Gammon  now  and  then  alluded  to  the  late 
occupants  of  Yatton,  toward  whom  the  stern  requisitions  of 
professional  duty  had  caused  him  to  play  so  odious  a  part, 
and  his  inquiries  about  them,  drew  out  almost  all  that 
was  in  the  little  Doctor's  heart  concerning  his  departed 
friends. 

While,  however,  under  the  pressure  of  Mr.  Gammon's  pres- 
ence and  authority,  Titmouse  was  for  a  brief  while  leading 
this  sober  retired  life  at  Yatton — why,  he  hardly  knew,  ex- 
cept that  Gammon  willed  it — a  circumstance  occurred  which 
suddenly  placed  him  on  the  very  highest  pinnacle  of  popu- 
larity in  metropolitan  society,  transforming  him  into  a  lion 
of  the  first  magnitude.  Be  it  known  that  there  was  a  MR. 
BLADDERY  PIP,"  a  fashionable  novelist,  possessed  of  most 
extraordinary  versatility  and  power,  to  whom  it  suddenly 
occurred,  on  glancing  over  the  newspaper  report  of  the  fa- 
mous trial,  to  make  the  interesting  facts  of  the  case  the  basis 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  255 

of  a  new  novel.  To  work  went  Mr.  Pip,  within  a  day  or 
two  after  the  trial  was  over,  while  his  spirited  publisher 
then  quickly  set  about  getting  up  the  steam. 

For  some  time  there  appeared  in  the  daily  papers  numer- 
ous intimations  that  "the  circles  of  ton"  were  "on  the  qui 
vive"  with  expectations  of  a  certain,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. — that 
"  disclosures  of  a  very  extraordinary  character"  were  being 
looked  for — "attempts  made  to  suppress,"  etc.,  etc. — "com- 
promising certain  distinguished,"  etc.  and  so  forth  (all  these 
paragraphs  being  in  the  unquestionable  editorial  style) — as 
well  as  genuine  indications  of  a  mysterious  under-current  of 
curiosity  and  excitement  existing  in  those  circles  which  were 
watched  with  reverential  awe  and  constancy  by  those  in  the 
lower  regions. 

There  was  no  resisting  this  sort  of  thing.  In  that  day  a 
skilfully  directed  play  of  puffs  laid  prostrate  the  whole  read- 
ing and  fashionable  world,  producing  the  excitement  of  which 
they  affected  to  chronicle  the  existence.  The  publisher  had 
seven  hundred  copies  printed  of  the  story;  and,  allowing  a 
hundred  for  a.  first  edition,  he  varied  the  title-pages  of  the  re- 
mainder by  the  words — "  Second  Edition" — "  Third  Edition"- 
"  Fourth  Edition"— "  Fifth  Edition"— "  Sixth  Edition"— and 
"  Seventh  Edition."  By  the  time  that  the  fourth  edition  had 
been  announced,  there  existed  a  real  rage  for  the  book;  the 
circulating  libraries  at  the  West  End  of  the  Town  were  be- 
sieged by  applicants  for  a  perusal  of  the  work ;  and  "  notices," 
"reviews,"  and  "extracts"  began  to  make  their  appearance 
with  increasing  frequency  in  the  newspapers.  The  idea  of  the 
work  was  admirable.  The  identity  between  Titmouse  and 
Tippetiwink)  Lord  Dreddlington  and  Lord  Frizzleton,  Lady 
Cecilia  and  Lady  Sapphira,  and  Mr.  Aubrey  and  the  "the 
demon  Mowbray"  was  quickly  established.  The  novel  passed 
speedily  into  the  tenth  edition;  an  undoubted  and  a  very 
great  sensation  was  produced ;  extracts  descriptive  of  the  per- 
sons figuring  in  the  story,  particularly  Titmouse  and  the 
Earl  and  Lady  Cecilia,  were  given  in  the  London  papers, 
and  thence  transferred  into  those  all  over  the  country.  The 
very  author,  Mr.  Bladdery  Pip,  became  a  resuscitated  lion, 
and,  dressing  himself  in  the  most  exquisite  style,  had  his  por- 
trait, looking  most  intensely  intellectual,  prefixed  to  the  tenth 
edition.  Then  came  portraits  of  "  Tittlebat  Titmouse,  Esq." 


256  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

(for  which  he  had  never  sat),  giving  him  large  melting  eyes 
and  a  very  pensive  face  and  a  most  fashionable  dress. 

The  Earl  of  Dreddlington  and  Lady  Cecilia  became  also 
a  lion  and  lioness.  Hundreds  of  opera-glasses  were  directed 
at  once  to  their  box;  innumerable  were  the  anxious  saluta- 
tions they  received  as  they  drove  round  the  Park — and  they 
drove  round  it  three  or  four  times  as  often  as  they  had  ever 
done  before.  'Twas  whispered  that  the  King  had  read  the 
book,  and  drank  the  Earl's  health,  under  the  name  of  Lord 
Frizzleton — while  the  Queen  did  the  same  for  Lady  Cecilia 
as  Lady  Sapphira.  Their  appearance  produced  a  manifest 
sensation  at  both  the  levee  and  drawing-room — Majesty  looked 
blander  than  usual  as  they  approached.  Poor  Lord  Dreddling- 
ton and  Lady  Cecilia  mounted  in  a  trice  into  the  seventh 
heaven  of  rapturous  excitement.  They  were  both  unutterably 
happy,  living  in  a  gentle,  delicious  tumult  of  excited  feelings. 
Irrepressible  exultation  glistened  in  the  Earl's  eyes;  he  threw 
an  infinite  deal  of  blandness  and  courtesy  into  his  manners 
wherever  he  was  and  whomsoever  he  addressed,  as  if  he  could 
now  easily  afford  it,  confident  in  the  inaccessible  sublimity 
of  his  position.  Innumerable  were  the  inquiries  after  Tit- 
mouse— his  person — his  manners — his  character — his  dress, 
made  of  Lady  Cecilia,  by  her  friends.  Young  ladies  tor- 
mented her  for  his  autograph. 

Presently  the  young  men  appeared  everywhere  in  black 
satin  stocks,  embroidered,  some  with  flowers,  and  others 
with  gold,  which  went  by  the  name  of  "  Titmouse  Ties" ;  and 
in  hats  with  high  crowns  and  rims  a  quarter  of  an  inch  in 
depth,  called  "  Tittlebats."  All  the  young  blades  about  town, 
especially  in  the  City,  dressed  themselves  in  the  most  extrava- 
gant style;  an  amazing  impetus  was  given  to  the  cigar  trade 
— whose  shops  were  crowded,  especially  at  nights — and  every 
puppy  that  walked  the  streets  puffed  cigar-smoke  in  your 
eyes.  In  short,  pert  and  lively  Titmice  might  be  seen  hopping 
about  the  streets  in  all  directions. 

As  for  Tag-rag,  wonders  befell  him.  A  paragraph  in  a 
paper  pointed  him  out  as  the  original  of  Black-bag,  and  his 
shop  in  Oxford  Street  as  the  scene  of  Titmouse's  service. 
Thither  quickly  poured  the  tide  of  fashionable  curiosity  and 
custom.  His  business  was  soon  trebled.  He  wore  his  best 
clothes  every  day,  and  smirked  and  smiled  and  bustled  about 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  257 

amidst  the  crowd  in  his  shop  in  a  fever  of  excitement.  He 
began  to  think  of  buying  the  adjoining  premises  and  adding 
them  to  his  own,  he  set  his  name  down  as  a  subscriber  of 
half-a-guinea-a-year  to  the  "Decayed  Drapers'  Association." 
These  were  glorious  times  for  Mr.  Tag-rag.  He  had  to  en- 
gage a  dozen  extra  hands;  there  were  seldom  less  than  fifty 
or  a  hundred  persons  in  his  shop  at  once;  strings  of  car- 
riages before  his  door,  sometimes  two  deep,  and  strugglings 
between  the  coachmen  for  precedence. 

The  undulations  of  the  popular  excitement  in  town  were 
not  long  in  reaching  the  calm  retreat  of  Titmouse  in  York- 
shire. Yatton  was  beginning  to  look  duller  daily,  even  be- 
fore the  arrival  of  this  stimulating  intelligence  from  town; 
Titmouse  feeling  quite  out  of  his  element.  So — Gammon  non 
contradicente — up  came  Titmouse  to  town.  If  he  had  not 
been  naturally  a  fool  the  notice  he  attracted  in  London 
must  soon  have  made  him  one.  He  had  been  for  coming  up 
in  a  post-chaise  and  four;  but  Gammon,  in  a  letter,  succeeded 
in  dissuading  him  from  incurring  so  useless  an  expense,  as- 
suring him  that  men  of  as  high  consideration  as  himself 
constantly  availed  themselves  of  the  safe  and  rapid  transit 
afforded  by  the  royal  mail.  Giving  strict  and  repeated  or- 
ders to  his  valet  to  deposit  him  at  once  "in  a  first-rate 
West-End  hotel,"  the  haughty  Lord  of  Yatton,  plentifully 
provided  with  cigars,  stepped  into  the  mail,  his  valet  perched 
upon  the  box  seat.  The  mail  passed  the  Peacock,  at  Is- 
lington, about  half-past  eight  o'clock;  and  long  before  they 
had  reached  even  that  point,  the  eager  and  anxious  eye  of 
Titmouse  had  been  on  the  lookout  for  indications  of  his 
celebrity.  He  was,  however,  compelled  to  own  that  both  peo- 
ple and  places  seemed  much  as  usual — wearing  no  particular 
air  of  excitement.  When  his  hackney  coach  had  rumbled 
slowly  up  to  the  lofty  and  gloomy  door  of  the  Harcourt 
Hotel,  it  seemed  to  excite  no  notice  whatever.  A  tall  waiter, 
in  a  plain  suit  of  black  evening  dress,  with  his  hands  stuck 
behind  his  coat-tails,  continued  standing  in  the  ample  door- 
way, eying  the  plebeian  vehicle  which  had  drawn  up  with 
utter  indifference— conjecturing,  probably,  that  it  had  come  to 
the  wrong  door.  With  the  same  air  of  provoking  super- 
ciliousness he  stood,  till  the  valet,  having  jumped  down  from 
his  seat  beside  the  driver,  ran  up,  and  in  a  peremptory  sort 

17 


258  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

of  way  exclaimed,  "MR.  TITMOUSE,  of  Yatton!"    This  stirred 
the  waiter  into  something  like  energy. 

"Here,  sir!"  called  out  Mr.  Titmouse  from  within  the 
coach;  and  on  the  waiter's  slowly  approaching,  he  inquired 
in  a  sufficiently  swaggering  manner,  "  Pray,  has  the  Earl  of 
Dreddlington  been  inquiring  for  me  here  to-day  ?"  The  words 
seemed  to  operate  like  magic,  converting  the  person  ad- 
dressed, in  a  moment,  into  a  slave — supple  and  obsequious. 

"His  lordship  has  not  been  here  to-day,  sir,"  he  replied 
in  a  low  tone,  with  a  most  courteous  inclination,  gently 
opening  the  door  and  noiselessly  letting  down  the  steps. 
"Do  you  alight,  sir?" 

"Why — a — have  you  room  for  me,   and  my  fellow  there?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  sir !  certainly.  Shall  I  show  you  into  the  coffee- 
room,  sir?" 

"  The  coffee-room  ?  Curse  the  coffee-room,  sir !  Do  you 
suppose  I'm  a  commercial  traveler  ?  Show  me  into  a  private 
room,  sir!"  The  waiter  bowed  low  and  in  silent  surprise 
led  Mr.  Titmouse  to  a  very  spacious  and  elegantly  furnished 
apartment — where  amidst  the  blaze  of  six  wax  candles,  and 
attended  by  three  waiters,  he  supped,  an  hour  or  two  after- 
ward, in  great  state — retiring  about  eleven  o'clock  to  his 
apartment,  overcome  with  fatigue — and  brandy  and  water; 
having  fortunately  escaped  the  indignity  of  being  forced  to 
sit  in  the  same  room  where  an  English  nobleman,  one  or 
two  members  of  Parliament,  and  a  couple  of  foreign  princes 
were  sitting  sipping  their  claret,  some  writing  letters,  and 
others  conning  over  the  evening  papers. 

About  noon  the  next  day  he  called  upon  the  Earl  of  Dred- 
dlington; and  tho,  under  ordinary  circumstances,  his  lord- 
ship would  have  considered  the  visit  rather  unseasonable, 
he  nevertheless  received  his  fortunate  and  now  truly  dis- 
tinguished kinsman  with  the  most  urbane  cordiality.  At  the 
Earl's  suggestion,  and  with  Mr.  Gammon's  concurrence,  Tit- 
mouse, within  about  a  week  after  his  arrival  in  town,  took 
chambers  in  the  Albany,  together  with  the  elegant  furniture 
which  had  belonged  to  their  late  tenant,  a  young  officer  of 
distinction,  who  had  shortly  before  suddenly  gone  abroad 
upon  a  diplomatic  mission.  Mr.  Titmouse  soon  began  to 
feel,  in  various  ways,  the  distinction  which  was  attached  to 
his  name — commencing,  as  he  did  at  once,  the  gay  and  bril- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  259 

liant  life  of  a  man  of  high  fashion,  and  under  the  august 
auspices  of  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington. 

As  a  cat  shod  with  walnut-shells  by  some  merry  scapegrace 
doubtless  feels  more  and  more  astonished  and  excited  at  the 
clatter  it  makes  in  scampering  up  and  down  the  bare  echoing 
floors  and  staircases,  so,  in  some  sort,  was  it  with  Titmouse, 
and  the  sudden  and  amazing  eclat  with  which  all  his  appear- 
ances and  movements  were  attended  in  the  regions  of  fashion. 
It  is  a  matter  of  indifference  to  a  fool  whether  you  laugh 
with  him  or  at  him,  so  that  you  do  but  laugh — an  obser- 
vation which  will  account  for  much  of  the  conduct  both  of 
Lord  Dreddlington  and  Titmouse.  The  Earl  did  not  con- 
ceive it  possible  for  any  one  to  laugh  at  him  or  anything 
he  might  choose  to  do  or  any  one  he  might  think  fit  to 
associate  with  and  introduce  to  the  notice  of  society — 
which  kind  office  he  forthwith  performed  for  Titmouse, 
with  whose  odd  person  and  somewhat  eccentric  dress  and 
demeanor  his  lordship  was  growing  daily  more  familiar. 
Thus  that  which  had  at  first  so  shocked  him,  he  got  at  length 
thoroughly  reconciled  to,  and  began  to  suspect  whether  it 
was  not  assumed  by  Titmouse  out  of  a  daring  scorn  for  the 
intrusive  opinions  of  the  world,  which  showed  a  loftiness  of 
spirit  akin  to  his  own.  Besides,  in  another  point  of  view — 
suppose  the  manner  and  appearance  of  Titmouse  were  ever  so 
absurd,  so  long  as  his  lordship  chose  to  tolerate  them,  who 
should  venture  to  gainsay  them?  So  the  Earl  asked  him 
frequently  to  dinner,  took  him  with  them  when  his  lordship 
and  Lady  Cecilia  went  out  in  the  evenings;  gave  him  a  seat 
in  his  carriage  in  going  down  to  the  House;  and  invited 
him  to  accompany  him  and  Lady  Cecilia  when  they  either 
drove  or  rode  round  the  Park;  for  Titmouse's  assiduous  at- 
tention at  the  riding  school  had  enabled  him  to  appear  on 
horseback  without  being  glaringly  unequal  to  the  manage- 
ment of  his  horse,  tho  once  or  twice  he  contrived  to  give 
his  mount  an  inclination  toward  backing  upon  those  of 
Lady  Cecilia  and  the  Earl. 

Titmouse  happening  to  let  fall,  at  the  Earl's  table,  that 
he  had  that  day  ordered  an  elegant  chariot  to  be  built  for 
him,  his  lordship  intimated  that  a  cab  was  the  usual  turn- 
out of  a  bachelor  man  of  fashion ;  whereupon  Titmouse  the 
next  day  countermanded  his  order,  and  was  fortunate  enough 


260  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

to  secure  a  cab  which  had  just  been  completed  for  a  young 
nobleman  who  was  unable  to  pay  for  it,  and  whom,  conse- 
quently, the  builder  did  not  mind  disappointing.  Titmouse 
soon  provided  himself  with  a  great  horse  and  a  little  tiger. 
What  pen  can  do  justice  to  the  feelings  with  which  he  first 
sat  down  in  that  cab,  yielding  upon  its  well-balanced  springs, 
took  the  reins  from  his  little  tiger,  and  then  heard  him  jump 
up  behind !  As  it  was  a  trifle  too  early  for  the  Park,  he 
suddenly  bethought  himself  of  exhibiting  his  splendors  before 
the  establishment  of  Mr.  Tag-rag. 

Off  he  drove  to  the  Oxford  Street  establishment,  before  the 
door  of  which  five  or  six  carriages  were  standing.  I  should 
say  that,  at  the  moment  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  strutting  into 
that  scene  of  his  former  miserable  servitude,  he  experienced 
a  gush  of  delight  which  was  sufficient  to  efface  all  recollec- 
tion of  the  misery,  privation,  and  oppression  endured  in  his 
early  days.  There  was  presently  an  evident  flutter  among 
the  gentlemen  engaged  behind  the  counter — for,  thought  they, 
it  must  be  "the  great  Mr.  Titmouse!"  Tag-rag,  catching 
sight  of  him,  bounced  out  of  his  little  room,  and  bustled  up  to 
him  through  the  crowd  of  customers,  bowing,  scraping,  blush- 
ing, and  rubbing  his  hands,  full  of  pleasurable  excitement,  and 
exhibiting  the  most  profound  obsequiousness.  "  Hope  you're 
well,  sir,"  he  commenced  in  a  low  tone,  but  instantly  added, 
in  a  louder  tone,  observing  that  Titmouse  chose  to  appear 
to  have  come  upon  business,  "what  can  I  have  the  honor 
to  do  for  you,  sir,  this  morning?"  And  handing  him  a  stool, 
Tag-rag,  with  a  respectful  air,  received  a  very  liberal  order 
from  Mr.  Titmouse,  and  minuted  it  down  in  his  memoran- 
dum book. 

"  Dear  me,  sir,  is  that  your  cab  ?"  said  Tag-rag,  as,  having 
accompanied  Titmouse,  bowing  every  step,  to  the  door,  they 
both  stood  there  for  a  moment,  "  I  never  saw  such  a  beauti- 
ful turn-out  in  my  life,  sir " 

"  Ya — a — s.  Pretty  well — pretty  well ;  but  that  young  rascal 
of  mine's  dirtied  one  of  his  boots  a  little — dem  him!"  and 
he  looked  terrors  at  the  tiger. 

"Oh,  dear! — so  he  has;  shall  I  wipe  it  off,  sir?  Do  let 
me " 

"No,  it  don't  signify  much.  By  the  way,  Mr.  Tag-rag," 
added  Mr.  Titmouse  in  a  drawling  way,  "all  well  at — at — 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


261 


demme  if  I've  not  at  this  moment  forgot  the  name  of  your 

place  in  the  country " 

"Satin  Lodge,  sir,"  said  Tag-rag  meekly,  but  with  infinite 
inward  uneasiness. 


'  Demme   if 
I've  not   forgot 
t-he  name  aC 
^your  ptace  in . 
the  country  " 

"  Oh — ay,  to  be  sure.  One  sees,  'pon  my  soul,  such  a  lot  of 
places — but — all  well?" 

"  All  very  well,  indeed,  sir ;  and  constantly  talking  of  you, 
sir." 


262  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"  Ah — well !  My  compliments — "  here  he  drew  on  his  second 
glove,  and  moved  toward  his  cab,  Tag-rag  accompanying 
him — "  glad  they're  well.  If  ever  I'm  driving  that  way — good 
day!"  In  popped  Titmouse — crack  went  his  whip — away 
darted  the  horse — Tag-rag  following  it  with  an  admiring 
and  anxious  eye. 

As  Mr.  Titmouse  sat  in  his  new  vehicle,  on  his  way  to  the 
Park,  dressed  in  the  extreme  of  the  mode,  his  glossy  hat 
perched  sideways  on  his  bushy,  well-oiled,  but  somewhat 
mottled  hair;  his  surtout  lined  with  velvet;  his  full  satin 
stock,  spangled  with  inwrought  gold  flowers,  and  with  two 
splendid  pins,  connected  together  with  delicate  double  gold 
chains;  his  shirt-collars  turned  down  over  his  stock;  his 
chased  gold  eyeglass  stuck  in  his  right  eye;  the  stiff  wrist- 
bands of  his  shirt  turned  back  over  his  coat-cuffs;  and  his 
hands  in  snowy  kid  gloves,  holding  his  whip  and  reins;  and, 
as  he  considered  the  exquisite  figure  he  must  thus  present  to 
the  eye  of  all  beholders,  giving  them  credit  for  gazing  at 
him  with  the  same  sort  of  feelings  which  similar  sights  had, 
but  a  few  months  before,  excited  in  his  despairing  breast,  his 
little  cup  of  happiness  was  full,  and  even  brimming  over. 

The  more  that  the  Earl  and  Lady  Cecilia  perceived  of  Tit- 
mouse's popularity,  the  more  eager  they  were  in  parading 
their  connection  with  them,  and  openingly  investing  him 
with  the  character  of  a  protege.  In  addition  to  this,  the 
Lady  Cecilia  had  begun  to  have  now  and  then  a  glimmering 
notion  of  the  objects  which  her  father  was  contemplating.  If 
the  Earl  took  Titmouse  down  to  the  House  of  Lords,  and 
having  secured  him  a  place  at  the  bar,  would,  immediately 
on  entering,  walk  up  to  him,  and  be  seen  for  some  time  con- 
descendingly pointing  out  the  different  peers  by  name,  as  they 
entered,  and  explaining  to  his  intelligent  auditor  the  period 
and  mode  and  cause  of  the  creation  and  accession  of  many 
of  them  to  their  honors,  and  also  the  forms,  ceremonies,  and 
routine  of  business  in  the  Houses;  so  Lady  Cecilia  was  not 
remiss  in  availing  herself,  in  her  way,  of  the  little  oppor- 
tunities which  presented  themselves.  She  invited  Titmouse, 
for  instance,  one  day  early  in  the  week  to  accompany  them  to 
church  on  the  ensuing  Sunday,  and  during  the  interval  gave 
out  amongst  her  intimate  friends  that  they  might  expect 
to  see  Mr,  Titmouse  in  her  papa's  pew.  He  accepted  the 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  263 

invitation,  and,  on  the  arrival  of  the  appointed  hour,  might 
have  been  seen  in  the  Earl's  carriage,  driving  to  afternoon 
service  at  the  Reverend  MORPHINE  VELVET'S  chapel — Rosemary 
Chapel,  near  St.  James's  Square, 

Four  or  five  carriages  had  to  set  down  before  that  con- 
taining the  Earl  of  Dreddlington,  Lady  Cecilia,  and  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse could  draw  up;  by  which  time  there  had  accumu- 
lated as  many  in  its  rear,  so  eager  were  the  pious  aristocrats 
to  get  into  this  holy  retreat.  As  Titmouse,  holding  his  hat 
and  cane  in  one  hand  while  with  the  other  he  arranged  his 
hair,  strutted  up  the  center  aisle,  following  the  Earl  and 
Lady  Cecilia,  he  could  hardly  repress  the  exultation  with 
which  he  thought  of  a  former  visit  to  that  very  chapel 
some  two  years  before.  Then,  on  attempting  to  enter  the 
body  of  the  chapel,  the  vergers  had  politely  but  firmly  re- 
pulsed him ;  on  which,  swelling  with  vexation,  he  had  ascended 
to  the  gallery,  where,  after  being  kept  standing  for  ten  min- 
utes at  least,  he  had  been  beckoned  by  the  pew-opener  to- 
ward the  furthermost  pew,  close  at  the  back  of  the  organ, 
in  which  were  four  footmen,  among  whom  he  had  been  un- 
ceremoniously squeezed;  and  if  he  was  disgusted  with  his 
mere  contiguity,  guess  what  must  have  been  his  feelings 
when  the  footman  nearest  to  him  good-naturedly  forced  upon 
him  a  part  of  his  prayer-book,  which  Titmouse,  ready  to 
spit  in  his  face,  held  with  his  finger  and  thumb,  as  tho  it 
had  been  the  tail  of  a  snake.  JVbw,  how  changed  was  all ! 
He  had  become  an  aristocrat;  in  his  veins  ran  some  of  the 
richest  and  oldest  blood  in  the  country;  his  brow  might 
erelong  be  graced  by  the  coronet  which  King  Henry  II.  had 
placed  upon  the  brow  of  the  founder  of  his  family,  some 
seven  hundred  years  before;  and  a  tall  footman,  with  pow- 
dered head,  glistening  silver  shoulder-knot,  and  sky-blue 
livery,  and  carrying  in  a  bag  the  gilded  implements  of  devo- 
tion, was  humbly  following  behind  him ! 

What  a  remarkable  and  vivid  contrast  between  his  present 
and  his  former  circumstances,  was  present  at  that  moment 
to  his  reflecting  mind !  As  he  stood,  his  hat  covering  his 
face,  in  an  attitude  of  devotion,  "I  wonder,"  thought  he, 
"  what  all  these  nobs  and  swells  would  say  if  they  knew  how 
I  had  worshiped  here  on  the  last  time?"  and  again,  "'Pon 
my  life,  what  would  I  give  for — say  Huckaback— to  see  me 


264  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

just  now!"  What  an  elegant  and  fashionable  air  the  con- 
gregation wore !  Surely  there  must  be  something  in  religion 
when  people  such  as  were  around  him  came  so  punctually 
to  church,  and  behaved  so  seriously! 


CHAPTER  XX 

HOW   THE    HERO   IS   PRESENTED  AT  COURT,  AND  MR.  TAG-RAG 

IS    MADE    DRAPER    AND    HOSIER    TO    HIS    MAJESTY, 

PAYING  A  LARGE  PRICE  FOR  THE  HONOR 

THERE  was  one  step  in  Mr.  Titmouse's  upward  progress 
which  he  presently  took,  and  which  is  worthy  of  special  men- 
tion ;  I  mean  his  presentation  at  court  by  the  Earl  of  Dred- 
dlington.  This  momentous  affair  was  broached  by  the  Earl 
one  day  after  dinner,  with  an  air  of  deep  anxiety  and  inter- 
est. He  commenced  by  giving  Titmouse  a  long  history  of 
the  origin  and  progress  of  such  ceremonies,  and  a  minute 
account  of  the  practical  manner  of  their  observance,  all  of 
which,  however,  was  to  Titmouse  only  like  breathing  upon  a 
mirror — passing  as  quickly  out  of  one  ear  as  it  had  entered 
into  the  other.  When,  however,  the  Earl  came  to  the  point 
of  dress,  Titmouse  was  indeed  "a  thing  all  ear,  all  eye,"  his 
faculties  being  stimulated  to  their  utmost.  The  next  morn- 
ing he  hurried  off  to  his  tailor  to  order  a  court  dress.  When 
it  had  been  brought  to  his  rooms  and  he  had  put  it  on, 
upon  glancing  at  his  figure  in  the  glass,  his  face  fell;  he  felt 
infinitely  disappointed.  After  gazing  at  himself  for  a  few  mo- 
ments in  silence,  he  suddenly  snapped  his  fingers,  and  ex- 
claimed to  the  tailor,  who,  with  the  valet,  was  standing 
beside  him  :  "Curse  me  if  I  like  this  thing  at  all !  Ton  my 
soul,  I  look  the  exact  image  of  a  footman;  and  a  devilish 
vulgar  one,  too!" 

"Oh,  sir — I  beg  a  thousand  pardons  ! "  exclaimed  Mr.  Clip- 
close,  "what  can  I  have  been  thinking  about?  There's  the 
sword — we've  quite  forgot  it!" 

"Ah — 'pon  my  life,  I  thought  there  was  something  wrong!" 
quoth  Titmouse,  as  Mr.  Clipclose  buckled  it  on. 

"I  flatter  myself  that  now,  sir—    "  commenced  he. 

"Ya-as — quite  the  correct  thing!  'Pon  my  soul,  most 
uncommon  striking!"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  glancing  at  his 


266  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

figure  in  the  glass  with  a  triumphant  smile.  "Isn't  it  'odd, 
now,  that  this  sword  should  make  all  the  difference  between 
me  and  a  footman,  by  Jove?"  Here  his  two  companions 
were  seized  with  a  simultaneous  fit  of  coughing. 

"  Certainly,  sir;  it  undoubtedly  gives — what  shall  I  call  it? — 
a  grace — a  finish — a  sort  of  commanding — especially  to  a  figure 
that  becomes  it,"  the  tailor  continued  with  cool  assurance, 
observing  that  the  valet  understood  him.  "But — may  I,  sir, 
take  so  great  a  liberty  ?  If  you  are  not  accustomed  to  wear 
a  sword  I  beg  to  remind  you  that  it  will  require  particular 
care  to  manage  it,  and  prevent  it  from  getting  between — 

"Demme,  sir!"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  starting  aside  with 
an  offended  air,  "d'ye  think  I  don't  know  how  to  manage  a 
sword?  By  all  that's  tremendous" — and  plucking  the  taper 
weapon  out  of  its  scabbard,  he  waved  it  over  his  head ;  then, 
throwing  himself  into  the  first  position — he  had  latterly  paid 
a  good  deal  of  attention  to  fencing — and  with  rather  an  ex- 
cited air,  he  went  through  several  of  the  preliminary  move- 
ments. 

When  the  great  day  arrived  he  drove  up,  at  the  appointed 
hour,  to  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington's,  whose  carriage,  with  an 
appearance  of  greater  state  than  usual  about  it,  was  standing 
at  the  door.  On  alighting  from  his  cab,  he  skipped  so  nim- 
bly up-stairs  that  he  could  not  have  had  time  to  observe  the 
amusement  which  his  figure  occasioned  even  to  the  well- 
disciplined  servants  of  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington.  Much  al- 
lowance ought  to  have  been  made  for  them.  Think  of  Mr. 
Titmouse's  little  knee-breeches,  white  silks,  silver  shoe-buckles, 
shirt  ruffles  and  frills,  coat,  bag,  and  sword;  and  his  hair 
plastered  up  with  bear's  grease,  parted  down  the  middle  of 
his  head,  and  curling  out  boldly  over  each  temple;  and  his 
open  countenance  irradiated  with  a  subdued  smile  of  triumph 
and  excitement ! 

On  entering  the  drawing-room,  he  beheld  a  really  striking 
object — the  Earl  in  court  costume,  wearing  his  general's  uni- 
form, with  all  his  glistening  orders,  and  holding  in  his  hand 
his  hat,  with  its  snowy  plume,  standing  in  readiness  to  set 
off  for  the  levee.  Lady  Cecilia  was  sitting  on  the  sofa,  lan- 
guidly talking  to  him ;  and  from  the  start  they  both  gave  on 
Titmouse's  entrance,  it  was  plain  that  they  could  not  have 
calculated  upon  the  extraordinary  transmogrification  he  must 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  267 

have  undergone  in  assuming  court  costume.  For  a  moment 
or  two  each  was  as  severely  shocked  as  when  his  absurd 
figure  had  first  presented  itself  in  that  drawing-room.  "Oh, 
heavens!"  murmured  Lady  Cecilia:  while  the  Earl  seemed 
struck  dumb  by  the  approaching  figure  of  Titmouse.  When 
Titmouse  behel:!  the  military  air  and  superb  equipments  of 
the  Earl — notwithstanding  that  Titmouse,  too,  wore  a  sword — 
he  felt  himself  done.  He  advanced,  however,  pretty  confi- 
dently— bobbing  about,  first  to  Lady  Cecilia,  and  then  to  the 
Earl;  and  after  a  hasty  salutation — "'Pon  my  life,  my  lord, 
I  hope  it's  no  offense,  but  your  lordship  does  look  most 
particular  fine."  The  Earl  made  no  reply,  but  inclined  to- 
ward him  magnificently — not  seeing  the  meaning  and  inten- 
tion of  Titmouse,  but  affronted  by  his  words. 

"  May  I  ask  what  your  lordship  thinks  of  met  First  time 
I  ever  appeared  in  this  kind  of  thing,  my  lord — ha !  ha,  your 
lordship  sees!"  As  he  spoke,  his  look  and  voice  betrayed 
the  overawing  effects  of  the  Earl's  splendid  appearance,  which 
was  rapidly  freezing  up  the  springs  of  familiarity,  if  not,  in- 
deed, of  flippancy,  that  were  bubbling  up  within  the  little 
bosom  of  Titmouse  on  his  entering  the  room.  His  manner 
became  involuntarily  subdued  and  reverential.  The  Earl  of 
Dreddington  in  plain  clothes,  and  in  full  court  costume,  were 
two  very  different  persons;  tho  his  lordship  would  have 
been  mortally  affronted  had  he  known  that  any  one 
thought  so.  However  he  now  regretted  having  offered  to 
take  Titmouse  to  the  levee,  there  was  no  escape  from  the 
calamity;  so,  after  a  few  minutes'  pause,  he  rang  the  bell 
and  announced  his  readiness  to  set  off.  Followed  by  Mr. 
Titmouse,  his  lordship  slowly  descended  the  stairs;  and,  when 
he  was  within  two  or  three  steps  of  the  hall  floor,  it  distresses 
me  to  relate  that  he  fell  nearly  flat  upon  his  face,  and,  but 
for  his  servants  rushing  up,  would  have  been  seriously  hurt. 
Poor  Titmouse  had  been  the  occasion  of  this  disaster ;  for  his 
sword  getting  between  his  legs,  down  he  went  against  the 
Earl,  who  went  naturally  down  upon  the  floor,  as  I  have  men- 
tioned. Titmouse  was  not  much  hurt  but  terribly  frightened, 
and  went  as  pale  as  death  when  he  looked  at  the  Earl,  who 
appeared  a  little  agitated,  but,  not  having  been  really  injured, 
soon  recovered  his  self-possession.  Profuse  were  poor  Tit- 
mouse's apologies,  as  may  be  supposed, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  269 

"  Sir — enough  has  been  said,"  quoth  the  Earl,  rather  coldly 
and  haughtily,  tired  of  the  multiplied  apologies  and  excuses 
of  Titmouse.  "  I  thank  God,  sir,  that  I  am  not  hurt,  tho,  at 
my  time  of  life,  a  fall  is  not  a  slight  matter.  Sir,"  con- 
tinued the  Earl  bitterly,  ''''you  are  not  so  much  to  blame  as 
your  tailor;  he  should  have  explained  to  you  how  to  wear 
your  sword ! "  With  this,  having  cut  Titmouse  to  the  very 
quick,  the  Earl  motioned  him  to  the  door ;  they  soon  entered 
the  carriage ;  the  door  was  closed ;  and,  with  a  brace  of  foot- 
men behind,  away  rolled  these  two  truly  distinguished  sub- 
jects to  pay  their  homage  to  majesty — which  might  be  well 
proud  of  such  homage. 

"Sir,  it  is  a  very  fine  day,"  at  last  observed  the  Earl  in 
a  kind  manner,  after  a  stern  silence  of  at  least  five  minutes. 

"Remarkable  fine,  my  lord.  I  was  just  going  to  say  so," 
replied  Titmouse,  greatly  relieved;  and  presently  they  fell 
into  their  usual  strain  of  conversation. 

"We  must  learn  to  bear  these  little  annoyances  calmly," 
said  the  Earl  graciously,  on  Titmouse's  again  alluding  to  his 
mishap;  "as  for  me,  sir,  a  person  in  the  station  to  which 
it  has  pleased  Heaven  to  call  me,  for  purposes  of  its  own, 
has  peculiar  and  very  grave  anxieties."  Soon  they  had 
entered  the  scene  of  splendid  hubbub,  which  at  once  occupied 
and  excited  both  their  minds.  Without  was  the  eager  crowd, 
gazing  with  admiration  and  awe  at  each  equipage,  with  its 
brilliant  occupants,  that  dashed  past  them;  then  the  Life- 
Guardsmen,  in  glittering  and  formidable  array,  their  long 
gleaming  swords  and  polished  helmets  glancing  and  flashing 
in  the  sunlight.  Within  were  the  tall  yeomen  of  the  guard, 
in  velvet  caps  and  scarlet  uniforms,  and  with  ponderous 
partizans  lining  each  side  of  the  staircase.  In  short,  there 
were  all  the  grandeur,  state,  and  ceremony  that  fence  in  the 
dread  approaches  to  majesty.  Fortunately,  Titmouse  was 
too  much  bewildered  and  flustered  by  the  novel  splendor 
around  him  to  be  aware  of  the  ill-concealed  laughter  which 
his  appearance  excited  on  all  hands. 

In  due  course  he  was  borne  on,  and  issued  in  due  form 
into  the  presence  chamber — into  the  immediate  presence  of 
majesty.  His  heart  palpitated;  his  dazzled  eye  caught  a 
hasty  glimpse  of  a  tall  magnificent  figure  standing  before  a 
throne.  Advancing — scarce  aware  whether  on  his  head  or 


270  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

his  heels — he  reverently  paid  his  homage — then  rising,  was 
promptly  ushered  out  through  a  different  door;  with  no  dis- 
tinct impression  of  anything  that  he  had  witnessed! — 'twas 
all  a  dazzling  blaze  of  glory — a  dim  vision  of  awe !  Little 
was  he  aware,  poor  soul,  that  the  King  had  required  him  to 
be  pointed  out  upon  his  approach,  having  heard  of  his  celeb- 
rity in  society;  and  that  he  had  the  distinguished  honor  of 
occasioning  to  majesty  a  very  great  effort  to  keep  its  counte- 
nance. It  was  not  till  after  he  had  quitted  the  palace  for 
some  time  that  he  breathed  freely  again. 

While  Titmouse  was  making  this  splendid  figure  in  the 
upper  regions  of  society,  and  forming  there  every  hour  new 
and  brilliant  connections  and  associations — in  a  perfect  whirl 
of  pleasure  from  morning  to  night — he  did  not  ungratefully 
forget  the  amiable  persons  with  whom  he  had  been  so 
familiar,  and  from  whom  he  had  received  so  many  good 
offices  in  his  earlier  days  and  humbler  circumstances.  Had 
it  not  been  for  Gammon,  I  fear  that,  with  Titmouse,  it  would 
have  been  :  out  of  sight  out  of  mind.  But  Gammon,  ever 
watchful  over  the  real  interests  of  his  charge,  and  also  de- 
lighted to  become  the  medium  of  conferring  favors  upon 
others  without  expense  to  himself,  conveyed  from  time  to 
time  to  the  interesting  family  of  the  Tag-rags,  special  marks 
of  Mr.  Titmouse's  courtesy  and  gratitude.  At  one  time  a 
haunch  of  venison  would  find  its  way  to  Mr.  Tag-rag;  at 
another,  a  fine  work-box  and  a  beautifully  bound  Bible  came 
to  good  Mrs.  Tag-rag;  and  lastly,  a  gay  guitar  to  Miss 
Tag-rag. 

It  was  on  the  occasion  of  a  dinner  at  Satin  Lodge  that 
Mr.  Titmouse  and  Mr.  Gammon  were  favored  by  hearing  Miss 
Tag-rag's  voice  accompanying  her  guitar;  for  when  Mr.  Tag- 
rag  had  sounded  Mr.  Gammon,  and  found  that  both  he  and 
Mr.  Titmouse  would  be  only  too  proud  and  happy  to  partake 
of  his  hospitality,  they  were  invited.  A  very  crack  affair  it 
was,  given  on  a  more  splendid  scale  than  Mr.  Tag-rag  had 
ever  ventured  upon  before.  He  brought  a  bottle  of  cham- 
pagne all  the  way  from  the  Town  with  his  own  hands,  and 
kept  it  nice  and  cool  in  the  kitchen  cistern  for  three  days  be- 
forehand. It  had  not  occurred  to  them  to  provide  themselves 
with  champagne  glasses,  so  they  managed  as  well  as  they 
could  with  the  common  ones — all  but  Titmouse,  who  with  a 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  271 

sort  of  fashionable  recklessness  to  show  how  little  he  thought 
of  it,  poured  out  his  champagne  into  his  tumbler,  which  he 
two-thirds  filled,  and  drank  it  off  at  a  draft,  Mr.  Tag-rag 
trying  to  disguise  the  inward  spasm  it  occasioned  him,  by  a 
grievous  smile. 

"I  always  drink  champagne  out  of  a  tumbler;  I  do — 'pon 
my  life,"  said  Titmouse  carelessly ;  "  it's  a  devilish  deal  more 
pleasant." 

"  Ye-e-s — of  course  it  is,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Tag-rag  rather  faint- 
ly. Shortly  afterward,  Titmouse  offered  to  take  a  glass  of 
champagne  with  Miss  Tag-rag.  Her  father's  face  flushed, 
and  at  length,  with  a  bold  effort,  "  Why,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said 
he,  trying  desperately  to  look  unconcerned,  "the — fact  is,  I 
never  keep  more  than  a  dozen  or  so  in  my  cellar — and  most 
unfortunately  I  found  this  afternoon  that  six  bottles  had — 
burst — I  assure  you." 

"'Pon  my  soul,  sorry  to  hear  it,"  quoth  Titmouse;  '"must 
send  you  a  dozen  of  my  own — I  always  keep  about  fifty  or 
a  hundred  dozen.  Oh,  I'll  send  you  half-a-dozen !" 

Tag-rag  scarcely  knew,  for  a  moment,  whether  he  felt 
pleased  or  mortified  at  this  stroke  of  delicate  generosity. 
Thus  it  was  that  Titmouse  evinced  a  disposition  to  shower 
marks  of  his  favor  and  attachment  upon  the  Tag-rags,  in 
obedience  to  the  injunctions  of  Gammon,  who  assured  him 
that  it  was  of  very  great  importance  for  him  to  secure  the 
good  graces  of  Mr.  Tag-rag.  So  Mr.  Titmouse  now  drove  up 
to  Satin  Lodge  in  his  cab,  and  then  rode  thither,  followed  by 
his  stylish  groom ;  and  on  one  occasion,  artful  little  scamp ! 
happening  to  find  no  one  at  home  but  Miss  Tag-rag,  he 
nevertheless  alighted  and  stayed  for  nearly  ten  minutes, 
behaving  precisely  in  the  manner  of  an  accepted  suitor,  aware 
that  he  might  do  so  with  impunity  since  there  was  no  witness 
present;  a  little  matter  which  had  been  suggested  to  him  by 
Mr.  Gammon.  Poor  Miss  Tag-rag's  cheek  he  kissed  with 
every  appearance  of  ardor,  protesting  that  she  was  a  mon- 
strous lovely  creature ;  and  he  left  her  in  a  state  of  delighted 
excitement,  imagining  herself  the  fated  mistress  of  ten  thou- 
sand a  year  and  the  blooming  bride  of  the  gay  and  fashiona- 
ble Mr.  Titmouse.  When  her  excellent  parents  heard  of  what 
had  that  day  occurred  between  Mr.  Titmouse  and  their  daugh- 
ter, they  also  looked  upon  the  thing  as  quite  settled.  In  the 


272  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

mean  while  the  stream  of  prosperity  flowed  steadily  in  upon 
Mr.  Tag-tag. 

Determining  to  make  hay  while  the  sun  shone,  he  resorted 
to  several  little  devices  for  that  purpose,  such  as  a  shirt  front 
with  frills  in  the  shape  of  a  capital  "T,"  of  which,  under 
the  name  of  "Titties"  he  sold  immense  numbers  among 
the  inferior  swells  of  London.  At  length  it  occurred  to  Gam- 
mon to  suggest  to  Titmouse  a  mode  of  conferring  upon  his 
old  friend  and  master  a  mark  of  permanent,  public,  and  sub- 
stantial distinction;  and  this  was  the  obtaining  for  him, 
through  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington,  an  appointment  as  one  of 
the  royal  tradesmen — namely,  draper  and  hosier  to  the  King. 
When  Mr.  Tag-rag's  disinterested  and  indefatigable  benefac- 
tor, Gammon,  called  one  day  in  Oxford  Street,  and  men- 
tioned the  honor  which  Mr.  Titmouse  was  bent  upon  doing 
his  utmost,  at  Mr.  Gammon's  instance,  to  procure  for 
Mr.  Tag-rag,  that  respectable  person  was  quite  at  a  loss  for 
terms  in  which  adequately  to  express  his  gratitude.  Titmouse 
readily  consented  to  name  the  thing  to  the  great  man,  and 
urge  it  in  the  best  way  he  could. 

The  Earl  listened  to  his  application  with  an  air  of  anxiety. 
"  Sir,"  said  he,  "  the  world  is  acquainted  with  my  reluctance 
to  ask  favors  of  those  in  office.  When  I  was  in  office  myself, 
I  felt  the  inconvenience  of  such  applications  abundantly.  Be- 
sides, the  appointment  you  have  named  happens  to  be  one 
of  considerable  importance,  and  requiring  great  influence  to 
procure  it.  Consider,  sir,  the  immense  number  of  tradesmen 
there  are  of  every  description,  of  whom  drapers  and  hosiers 
(according  to  the  last  returns  laid  before  Parliament,  at  the 
instance  of  my  friend  Lord  Goose)  are  by  far  the  most  nu- 
merous. All  of  them  are  naturally  ambitious  of  so  high  a  dis- 
tinction; yet,  sir,  observe,  that  there  is  only  one  King  and 
one  royal  family  to  serve.  My  Lord  Chamberlain  is,  I  have 
no  doubt,  harassed  by  applicants  for  such  honors  as  you 
have  mentioned." 

Hereat  Titmouse  got  startled  at  the  unexpected  magnitude 
of  the  favor  he  had  applied  for;  and,  declaring  that  he  did 
not  care  a  curse  for  Tag-rag,  begged  to  withdraw  his  appli- 
cation. But  the  Earl,  with  a  mighty  fine  air,  interrupted 
him — "Sir,  you  are  not  in  the  least  presuming  upon  your  re- 
lationship with  me,  nor  do  I  think  you  overrate  the  influence 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  273 

I  may  happen — in  short,  sir,  I  will  make  it  my  business  to 
see  my  LORD  KO-TOO  this  very  day,  and  sound  him  upon 
the  subject." 

That  same  day  an  interview  took  place  between  the  two 
distinguished  noblemen,  Lord  Dreddlington  and  Lord  Ko- 
too.  Each  approached  the  other  upon  stilts.  After  a  dis- 
play of  the  most  delicate  tact  on  the  part  of  Lord  Dreddling- 
ton, Lord  Ko-too,  who  made  a  mighty  piece  of  work  of  it, 
promised  to  consider  the  application. 

Within  a  day  or  two  afterward,  Mr.  Tag-rag  received  a 
letter  from  the  Lord  Chamberlain's  office,  notifying  that  his 
Majesty  had  been  graciously  pleased  to  appoint  him  draper 
and  hosier  to  his  Majesty !  It  occasioned  him  feelings  of 
tumultuous  pride  and  pleasure,  similar  to  those  with  which  the 
Earl  of  Dreddlington  would  have  received  tidings  of  his  long- 
coveted  marquisate  having  been  conferred  upon  him.  He 
started  off,  within  a  quarter  of  an  hour  after  the  receipt 
of  the  letter,  to  a  carver  and  gilder  a  few  doors  off,  and  gave 
orders  for  the  immediate  preparation  of  a  first-rate  cast, 
gilded,  of  the  royal  arms;  which,  in  about  a  week's  time, 
might  be  seen,  a  truly  resplendent  object,  dazzling  conspicu- 
ous over  the  central  door  of  Mr.  Tag-rag's  establishment,  in- 
spiring awe  in  the  minds  of  passers-by,  and  envy  in  the 
breasts  of  Mr.  Tag-rag's  neighbors  and  rivals. 

Mr.  Tag-rag's  appointment  did  wonders  with  him  in  the 
estimation  of  the  world.  'Twas  evident  that  he  was  in  a  fair 
way  of  becoming  the  head  house  in  the  trade.  His  appoint- 
ment caused  no  little  ferment  in  that  nook  of  the  city  with 
which  he  was  connected.  The  worshipful  Company  of  Squirt- 
makers  elected  him  a  member;  and  on  a  vacancy  suddenly 
occurring  in  the  ward  to  which  he  belonged,  for  he  had  a 
considerable  shop  in  the  City  also,  he  was  made  a  common 
Council-man.  As  for  Satin  Lodge,  he  stuck  two  little  wings 
to  it;  and  had  one  of  the  portraits  of  Tittlebat  Titmouse 
(as  Tippetiwink)  hung  over  his  drawing-room  mantelpiece, 
splendidly  framed  and  glazed. 

Some  little  time  after  Tag-rag  had  obtained  the  royal 
appointment,  Gammon,  happening  to  be  passing  his  shop, 
stepped  in  and,  observing  Mr.  Tag-rag,  very  cordially  greeted 
him ;  and  then,  as  if  it  had  been  a  thought  of  the  moment 
only,  without  taking  him  from  the  shop,  intimated  that  he 
18 


Inspiring   "awe   in 

the  nrvincls  of  the   passers  -by . 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  275 

/• 

had  been  westward,  engaged  in  completing  the  formal  details 
of  a  rearrangement  of  the  greater  portion  of  Mr.  Titmouse's 
estates,  upon  which  that  gentleman  had  recently  determined ; 
and  the  sight  of  Mr.  Tag-rag's  establishment  had  suggested 
to  Mr.  Gammon  that  possibly  Mr.  Tag-rag  would  feel  grati- 
fied at  being  made  a  formal  party  to  the  transaction;  as 
Mr.  Gammon  was  sure  that  Mr.  Titmouse  would  feel  de- 
lighted at  having  associated  with  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington, 
and  one  or  two  other  persons  of  distinction,  in  the  medi- 
tated arrangement,  the  name  of  so  early  and  sincere  a  friend 
as  Mr.  Tag-rag;  "  one  who,  moreover" — here  Gammon  paused, 
and  gave  a  smile  of  inexpressible  significance — "but  it  was 
not  for  him  to  hint  his  suspicions 

"Sir — I — I — will  you  come  into  my  room?"  interrupted 
Tag-rag,  rather  eagerly,  anxious  to  have  a  more  definite  in- 
dication of  Mr.  Gammon's  opinion;  but  that  gentleman, 
looking  at  his  watch,  pleaded  want  of  time,  and  suddenly 
shaking  Mr.  Tag-rag  by  the  hand,  moved  toward  the  door. 

"You  were  talking  of  signing,  sir.  Have  you  got  with 
you  what  you  want  signed?  I'll  sign  anything ! —anything 
for  Mr.  Titmouse;  only  too  proud — it's  an  honor  to  be  any 
way  connected  with  him."  Gammon,  on  hearing  this,  felt 
in  his  pockets,  as  if  he  supposed  that  he  should  find  there 
what  he  perfectly  well  knew  had  been  lying  ready,  cut  and 
dried,  in  his  safe  at  Saffron  Hill  for  months. 

"I  find  I  haven't  got  the  little  document  with  me,"  said 
he,  carelessly;  "I  suppose  it's  lying  about  with  other  loose 
papers  at  the  office,  or  may  have  been  left  at  the  Earl's." 

"I'll  tell  you  what,  Mr.  Gammon,"  said  Tag-rag,  consider- 
ing. "Your  office  is  at  Saffron  Hill?  Well,  I  shall  be  pass- 
ing your  way  about  noon,  to-morrow,  on  my  way  to  my 
City  establishment,  and  will  look  in  and  do  all  you  wish." 

"Could  you  arrange  to  meet  the  Earl  there? — or,  as  his 
lordship's  movements  are — ah,  ha! — not  very — 

"  Should  be  most  proud  to  meet  his  lordship,  sir,  to  express 
my  personal  gratitude " 

"Oh,  the  Earl  never  likes  to  be  reminded,  Mr.  Tag-rag,  of 
any  little  courtesy  or  kindness  he  may  have  conferred !  But 
if  you  will  be  with  us  about  twelve,  we  can  wait  a  little 
while;  and  if  his  lordship  should  not  be  punctual,  we  must 
even  let  you  sign  first— ah,  ha !  —and  explain  it  to  his  lord- 


276  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

ship  on  his  arrival,  for  I  know  your  time's  very  precious, 
Mr.  Tag-rag!  Gracious!  Mr.  Tag-rag,  what  a  constant 
stream  of  customers  you  have !  — I  heard  it  said,  the  other 
day,  that  you  vVere  rapidly  absorbing  all  the  leading  busi- 
ness in  your  line  in  Oxford  Street." 

"  You're  very  polite,  Mr.  Gammon !  Certainly,  I've  no 
reason  to  complain.  I  always  keep  the  best  of  everything, 
both  here  and  in  the  City,  and  sell  at  the  lowest  prices,  and 
spare  no  pains  to  please;  and  it's  hard  if — 

"Ah! — how  do  you  do?"  quoth  Gammon,  suddenly  start- 
ing, and  bowing  to  some  one  on  the  other  side  of  the  way, 
whom  he  did  not  see.  "Well,  good-day,  Mr.  Tag-rag — good- 
day!  To-morrow  at  twelve,  by  the  way!" 

Just  about  twelve  o'clock  the  next  day,  Tag-rag,  in  a  great 
bustle,  saying  he  had  fifty  places  to  call  at  in  the  City,  made 
his  appearance  at  Saffron  Hill. 

"His  lordship  a'n't  here,  I  suppose?"  quoth  he,  after  sha- 
king hands  with  Mr.  Quirk  and  Mr.  Gammon.  The  latter 
gentleman  pulled  out  his  watch,  and  shrugging  his  shoulders 
said  with  a  smile,  "No — we'll  give  him  half  an  hour's  grace." 

"  Half  an  hour,  my  dear  sir,"  exclaimed  Tag-rag;  "  I  couldn't 
stay  so  long  even  for  the  high  honor  of  meeting  his  lord- 
ship. I  am  a  man  of  business,  he  isn't ;  first  come,  first  served, 
you  know,  eh?  All  fair,  that!"  There  were  a  good  many 
recently  engrossed  parchments  and  writings  scattered  over  the 
table,  and  from  among  them  Gammon,  after  tossing  them 
about  for  some  time,  at  length  drew  out  a  sheet  of  foolscap. 
It  was  stamped,  and  there  was  writing  upon  the  first  and 
second  pages. 

"Now,  gentlemen,  quick's  the  word — time's  precious!" 
said  Tag-rag,  taking  up  a  pen  and  dipping  it  into  the  ink- 
stand. Gammon,  with  an  unconcerned  air,  placed  before 
him  the  document  he  had  been  looking  for.  "  Ah  !  how  well 
I  know  the  signature !  That  flourish  of  his — a  sort  of  bold- 
ness about  it,  a'n't  there?"  said  Tag-rag,  observing  the  sig- 
nature of  Titmouse  immediately  above  the  spot  on  which  he 
was  going  to  place  his  own;  there  being  written  in  pencil 
underneath,  the  word  "  Dreddlington,"  evidently  for  the  in- 
tended signature  of  the  Earl.  "  I'm  between  two  good  ones, 
at  any  rate,  eh?"  said  Tag-rag.  Gammon  or  Quirk  said 
something  about  a  "term  to  attend  the  inheritance" — "trus- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  277 

tee  of  an  outstanding  term" — "  legal  estate  vested  in  the  trus- 
tees"— "too  great  power  to  be  put  in  the  hands  of  any  but 
those  of  the  highest  honor." 

"Stay!"  quoth  -Gammon,  ringing  his  little  hand-bell — 
"  nothing  like  regularity,  even  in  trifles."  He  was  answered 
by  one  of  the  clerks — a  very  dashing  person.  "  We  only  wish 
you  to  witness  a  signature,"  said  Gammon.  "  Now,  we  shall 
release  you,  Mr.  Tag-rag,  in  a  moment.  Say  'I  deliver  this 
as  my  act  and  deed' — putting  your  finger  on  the  little  wafer 
there." 

So  said  and  so  did  Mr.  Tag-rag,  as  he  had  been  directed; 
the  clerk  wrote  his  name  under  the  witnessing  clause,  and 
from  that  moment  Mr.  Tag-rag  had  unconsciously  acquired 
an  interest  in  the  future  stability  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  fortunes, 
to  the  extent  of  some  FORTY  THOUSAND  POUNDS  ! 

"Now,  gentlemen,  you'll  make  my  compliments  to  his 
lordship,  and,  if  he  asks  how  I  came  to  sign  before  him,  ex- 
plain the  hurry  I  was  in.  Time  and  tide  wait  for  no  man. 
Good-morning,  gentlemen,  good-morning;  best  regards  to 
our  friend,  Mr.  Titmouse."  Gammon  attended  him  to  the 
door,  cordially  shaking  him  by  the  hand,  and  presently  re- 
turned to  the  room  he  had  just  quitted,  where  he  found  Mr. 
Quirk  holding  in  his  hand  the  document  just  signed  by  Tag- 
rag;  which  was,  in  fact,  a  joint  and  several  bond,  conditioned 
in  a  penalty  of  forty  thousand  pounds,  for  the  due  payment 
by  Titmouse  of  twenty  thousand  pounds  and  interest  at 
five  per  cent,  about  to  be  advanced  to  him  on  mortgage  of 
a  portion  of  the  Yatton  property.  Gammon,  sitting  down, 
gently  took  the  instrument  from  Mr.  Quirk,  and  with  a  bit 
of  india-rubber  calmly  effaced  the  pencil  signature  of  "  Dred- 
dlington." 

"You're  a  d d  clever  fellow,  Gammon!"  exclaimed  Mr. 

Quirk  presently,  with  a  sort  of  sigh,  and  after,  as  it  were, 
holding  his  breath  for  some  time.  Gammon  made  no  reply. 
His  face  was  slightly  pale  and  wore  an  anxious  expression. 

" It  will  do  now"  continued  Mr.  Quirk,  rubbing  his  hands, 
and  with  a  gleeful  expression  of  countenance. 

"That  remains  to  be  seen,"  replied  Gammon  in  a  low  tone. 

"Eh?  What?  Does  anything  occur — eh!  By  Jove,  no 
screw  loose,  I  hope?" 

"  No — but  we're  in  very  deep  water  now,  Mr.  Quirk — 


278  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"  Well — devil  only  cares,  so  long  as  you  keep  a  sharp  look- 
out, Gammon.  I'll  trust  the  helm  to  you." 

As  Gammon  did  not  seem  in  a  talkative  mood,  Quirk  shortly 
afterward  left  him. 


CHAPTER  XXI 

IN  WHICH  THE  EARL  AND  LADY  CECILIA  VISIT  YATTON,  WHERE 

THE  HERO  PROPOSES  MATRIMONY  TO  THE 

LATTER  AND  IS  ACCEPTED 

THE  London  season  was  now  advancing  toward  its  close, 
and  where  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington  and  Lady  Cecilia  were 
to  pass  their  autumn  was  a  question  which  they  were  begin- 
ning to  discuss  rather  anxiously.  Pensively  ruminating  on 
these  matters  one  evening,  they  were  interrupted  by  a  ser- 
vant bringing  in  a  note  which  proved  to  be  from  Titmouse 
— inviting  them,  in  terms  of  profound  courtesy  and  great  cor- 
diality, to  honor  Yatton  by  making  a  stay  there  during  as 
great  a  portion  of  the  autumn  as  they  could  not  better 
occupy.  Mr.  Titmouse  frankly  added  that  he  could  not 
avoid  acknowledging  some  little  degree  of  selfishness  in  giving 
the  invitation — namely,  in  expressing  a  hope  that  the  Earl's 
presence  would  afford  him,  if  so  disposed,  an  opportunity  of 
introducing  him — Titmouse — to  any  of  the  leading  members 
of  the  county  who  might  be  honored  by  the  Earl's  acquain- 
tance; that,  situated  as  Titmouse  was,  he  felt  an  increasing 
anxiety  on  that  point.  He  added  that  he  trusted  the  Earl 
and  Lady  Cecilia  would  consider  Yatton,  while  they  were 
there,  as  in  all  respects  their  own  residence,  and  that  he, 
Titmouse,  would  spare  no  exertion  to  render  their  stay  as 
agreeable  as  possible. 

The  humble  appeal  of  Titmouse  prevailed  with  his  great 
kinsman,  who,  on  the  next  day,  sent  him  a  letter,  saying  that 
his  lordship  fully  recognized  the  claims  which  Mr.  Titmouse 
had  upon  him  as  the  head  of  the  family,  and  that  his  lord- 
ship should  feel  very  glad  in  availing  himself  of  the  opportu- 
nity which  offered  itself,  of  placing  Mr.  Titmouse  on  a  proper 
footing  of.  intercourse  with  the  people  of  the  county.  That, 
for  this  purpose,  his  lordship  should  decline  any  invitations 
they  might  receive  to  pass  their  autumn  elsewhere,  etc.,  etc., 
etc.  In  plain  English  they  jumped  at  the  invitation.  It  had 


280  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

emanated  originally  from  Gammon,  who,  from  motives  of 
his  own,  was  bent  upon  becoming  personally  acquainted  with 
the  Earl,  and  fixing  himself,  if  possible,  thoroughly  in  his 
lordship's  confidence.  As  soon,  therefore,  as  the  Earl's  accept- 
ance of  the  invitation  had  been  communicated  to  Gammon, 
he  resolved  to  be  one  of  the  guests  at  Yatton  during  the 
time  of  the  Earl's  stay — a  step  into  the  propriety  of  which 
he  easily  brought  Mr.  Quirk  to  enter,  but  which  he  did  not, 
for  the  present,  communicate  to  Titmouse,  lest  he  should, 
by  prematurely  disclosing  it  to  the  Earl,  raise  any  obstacle 
arising  out  of  an  objection  on  the  part  of  his  lordship,  who, 
if  he  but  found  Gammon  actually  there,  must  submit  to  the 
infliction  with  what  grace  he  might. 

The  Earl  had  chosen  to  extend  the  invitation  to  Miss 
Macspleuchan,  and  also  to  as  many  attendants  as  he  thought 
fit  to  take  with  him,  instead  of  letting  them  consume  their 
board  wages  in  entire  idleness  in  town  or  at  Poppleton. 
Heavens !  what  accommodation  was  required,  for  the  Earl, 
the  Lady  Cecilia,  each  of  their  personal  attendants,  Miss 
Macspleuchan,  and  five  servants !  Then  there  were  two  other 
guests  invited,  in  order  to  form  company  and  amusement 
for  the  Earl — the  Marquis  Gants-Jaunes  de  Millefleurs,  and 
a  Mr.  Tuft.  Accommodations  must  be  had  for  these;  and, 
to  secure  it,  Mr.  Titmouse  and  Mr.  Gammon  were  driven  to 
almost  the  extremities  of  the  house.  Four  servants,  in  a 
sort  of  baggage-wagon,  preceded  the  arrival  of  the  Earl  and 
Lady  Cecilia  by  a  day  or  two,  in  order  to  "  arrange  every- 
thing" ;  and,  somehow  or  another,  one  of  the  first  things 
done  with  this  view  was  to  install  his  lordship's  chief  ser- 
vants in  the  quarters  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  servants,  who, 
it  was  suggested,  should  endeavor  to  make  themselves  as 
comfortable  as  they  could  in  some  little  unfurnished  rooms 
over  the  stables!  And,  in  a  word,  before  Mr.  Titmouse's 
grand  guests  had  been  at  the  Hall  four-and-twenty  hours 
there  was  established  there  the  same  freezing  state  and  solemn 
ceremony  which  prevailed  in  the  Earl's  own  establishment. 

Down  came  at  length,  thundering  through  the  village,  the 
Earl's  dusty  traveling-carriage  and  four;  himself,  Lady 
Cecilia,  and  Miss  Macspleuchan  within,  his  valet  and  Lady 
Cecilia's  maid  behind;  presently  it  wound  around  the  park 
road,  crashing  and  flashing  through  the  gravel,  and  rattling 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  281 

under  the  old  gateway,  and  at  length  stood  before  the  Hall 
door — the  reeking  horses  pulled  up  with  a  sudden  jerk,  which 
almost  threw  them  all  upon  their  haunches.  Mr.  Titmouse 
was  in  readiness  to  receive  his  distinguished  visitors;  the 
carriage-door  was  opened— down  went  the  steps — and  in  a  few 
moments'  time  the  proud  old  Earl  of  Dreddlington  and  his 
proud  daughter,  having  entered  the  Hall,  had  become  the 
guests  of  its  flustered  and  ambitious  little  proprietor. 

When  the  party  had  collected  in  the  drawing-room  in  read- 
iness for  dinner,  you  might  have  seen  Mr.  Tuft  in  earnestly 
respectful  conversation  with  the  Lady  Cecilia;  Mr.  Gammon 
standing  talking  to  Miss  Macspleuchan  with  an  air  of  cour- 
teous ease  and  frankness — having  observed  her  sitting  neglected 
by  everybody;  the  Earl  conversing  now  with  the  Marquis, 
then  with  Titmouse,  and  anon  with  Tuft,  with  whom  he 
appeared  to  be  particularly  pleased.  Happening  at  length 
to  be  standing  near  Gammon — a  calm,  gentlemanlike  person, 
of  whom  he  knew  nothing,  nor  suspected  that  his  keen  eye 
had  taken  in  his  lordship's  true  character  and  capacity  at 
a  glance — the  Earl  fell  into  casual  conversation  with  him  for 
a  moment  or  two.  The  air  of  deference  with  which  Gammon 
received  the  slight  advances  of  the  great  man  was  exquisite 
and  indescribable.  It  gave  him  clearly  to  understand  that 
his  lofty  pretensions  were  known  to,  and  profoundly  appre- 
ciated by,  the  individual  he  was  addressing.  Gammon  said 
but  little ;  that  little,  however,  how  significant  and  decisive ! 
He  knew  that  the  Earl  would  presently  inquire  of  Titmouse 
who  the  unknown  visitor  was;  and  that  on  being  told  in 
the  conceited  and  probably  disparaging  manner  which  Gam- 
mon knew  Titmouse  would  adopt,  if  he  supposed  it  would 
please  the  Earl,  that  "it  was  only  Mr.  Gammon,  one  of  his 
solicitors,"  he  would  sink  at  once  and  forever  beneath  the 
notice  of  the  Earl.  He  resolved,  therefore,  to  anticipate — to 
contrive  that  it  should  ooze  out  easily  and  advantageously 
from  himself,  so  that  he  could  see  the  effect  it  had  upon  the 
Earl,  and  to  regulate  his  movements  accordingly. 

Watching  his  opportunity,  he  gently  introduced  the  topic 
of  the  recent  change  of  ownership  which  Yatton  had  under- 
gone; and  in  speaking  of  the  manner  in  which  Mr.  Titmouse 
had  borne  his  sudden  prosperity — "  Yes,  my  lord,"  continued 
Gammon,  with  apparent  carelessness,  "I  recollect  making 


282  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

some  such  observation  to  him,  and  he  replied,  'Very  true, 
Mr.  Gammon."'  Gammon  finished  his  sentence  calmly;  but 
he  perceived  that  the  Earl  had  withdrawn  himself  into  his 
earldom.  He  had  given  a  very  slight  start;  a  little  color 
had  mounted  into  his  cheek;  a  sensible  hauteur  had  been 
assumed,  and  by  the  time  that  Gammon  had  done  speaking, 
the  space  between  them  had  been — as  Lord  Dreddlington 
imagined,  unobservedly — increased  by  two  or  three  inches. 
Gammon  was  a  man — an  able  and  a  proud  man — and  he  felt 
galled;  but,  "Let  it  pass,"  he  presently  reflected,  "let  it  pass, 
you  pompous  old  idiot;  I  will  one  day  repay  it  with  interest." 

During  dinner  the  Earl's  attention  was  engrossed  by  Mr. 
Tuft,  who  sat  next  to  him,  chattering  in  his  ear  like  a  little 
magpie  perched  upon  his  shoulder.  The  Marquis  sat  next 
to  the  Lady  Cecilia;  for  whose  amusement,  as  far  as  his 
cautious  tact  would  allow  him,  he  from  time  to  time  drew 
out  their  little  host.  At  length,  in  answer  to  a  question  by 
the  Marquis,  the  Earl  let  fall  some  pompous  observation, 
which  the  Marquis,  who  was  getting  very  tired  of  the  vapid 
monotony  which  pervaded  the  table,  ventured  to  differ  from 
pretty  decisively.  Tuft  instantly  sided  with  the  Earl,  and 
spoke  with  infinite  fluency  for  some  minutes;  Gammon  saw 
in  a  moment  that  he  was  an  absurd  pretender,  and,  watch- 
ing his  opportunity,  with  one  word  exposed  a  palpable 
historical  blunder  of  poor  Tuft's,  overthrowing  him  as 
completely  as  a  bullet  from  a  crossbow  dislodges  a  tomtit 
from  the  wall  on  which  he  is  hopping  about,  unconscious 
of  his  danger. 

"That's  a  settler,  Tuft,"  said  the  Marquis,  after  a  pause. 
Tuft  reddened  violently  and  gulped  down  a  glass  of  wine, 
and  presently,  with  the  slightly  staggered  Earl,  became  a 
silent  listener  to  the  discussion  into  which  the  Marquis  and 
Gammon  had  entered.  Obtuse  as  was  the  Earl,  Gammon 
contrived  to  let  him  see  how  effectually  he  was  supporting 
his  lordship's  opinion,  which  Mr.  Tuft  had  so  ridiculously 
failed  to  uphold.  The  Marquis  got  slightly  the  worst  of 
the  encounter  with  Gammon,  whose  object  he  saw  and 
whose  tact  he  admired,  and  with  much  judgment  permitted 
Gammon  to  appear  to  the  Earl  as  his  successful  defender, 
in  order  that  he  might  himself  make  a  friend  of  Gammon. 

However  it  might  possibly  be  that  his  grand  guests  enjoyed 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  283 

themselves,  it  was  far  otherwise  with  Mr.  Titmouse,  who, 
being  compelled  to  keep  sober,  was  quite  miserable.  None 
of  those  around  him  were  drinking  men — and  the  consequence 
was  that  he  would  retire  early  to  his  bedroom,  and  regale 
himself  with  brandy  and  water  and  cigars,  while  his  guests 
amused  themselves  with  cards,  billiards,  or  otherwise,  as  best 
they  might.  He  did,  indeed,  "  stand  like  a  cipher  in  the  great 
account";  instead  of  feeling  himself  the  Earl  of  Dreddling- 
ton's  host,  he  felt  himself  as  one  of  his  lordship's  guests, 
struggling  in  vain  against  the  freezing  state  and  etiquette 
which  the  Earl  carried  with  him  wherever  he  went,  like  a  sort 
of  atmosphere.  In  this  extremity  he  secretly  clung  to  Gam- 
mon, and  reposed  upon  his  powerful  support  and  sympathy 
more  implicitly  than  ever  he  had  done  before. 

As  the  shooting  season  had  commenced,  and  game  was 
plentiful  at  Yatton,  the  Marquis  and  Tuft  found  full  occupa- 
tion during  the  day,  as  occasionally  did  Mr.  Gammon.  Mr. 
Titmouse  once  accompanied  them;  but  on  his  contriving 
once  or  twice  very  nearly  to  blow  his  own  hand  oft,  and  also 
to  blow  out  the  eyes  of  the  Marquis,  they  intimated  that 
he  had  better  go  out  alone  for  the  future — as  he  did  once  or 
twice,  but  soon  got  tired  of  such  solitary  sport.  Besides — 
hares,  pheasants,  partridges — old  and  young,  cock  or  hen — 
'twas  all  one — none  of  them  seemed  to  care  one  straw  for 
him  or  his  gun,  let  him  pop  and  blaze  away  as  loud  and  as 
long,  as  near  or  as  far  off,  as  he  liked.  The  only  thing  he 
hit — and  that  plump — was  one  of  his  unfortunate  dogs,  which 
he  killed  on  the  spot;  and  then  coming  up  with  it,  stamped 
upon  the  poor  creature's  bleeding  carcass,  saying,  with  a 
furious  oath,  "Why  don't  you  keep  out  of  the  way,  you 
brute?" 

As  Gammon,  a  little  to  the  Earl's  surprise,  continued  ap- 
parently a  permanent  guest  at  the  Hall,  where  he  seemed 
ever  engaged  in  superintending  and  getting  into  order  the 
important  affairs  of  Mr.  Titmouse,  it  could  hardly  be  but 
that  he  and  the  Earl  should  be  occasionally  thrown  together ; 
for  as  the  Earl  did  not  shoot,  and  never  read  books,  even 
had  there  been  any  to  read,  he  had  little  to  do,  but  saunter 
about  the  house  and  grounds,  and  enter  into  conversation 
with  almost  any  one  he  met.  The  assistance  which  Gammon 
had  rendered  the  Earl  on  the  occasion  of  their  first  meeting 


284 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


at  dinner  had  not  been  forgotten  by  his  lordship,  but  had 
served  to  take  off  the  edge  from  his  preconceived  contemp- 
tuous dislike  for  him.  Gammon  steadily  kept  in  the  back- 
ground, resolved  that  all  advances  should  come  from  the 


m 


Earl.  When  once  or  twice  his  lordship  inquired,  with  what 
Gammon  saw  to  be  only  an  affected  carelessness,  into  the 
state  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  affairs,  Mr.  Gammon  evinced  a  cour- 
teous readiness  to  give  him  general  information ;  but  with  an 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  285 

evident  caution  and  anxiety  not  unduly  to  expose,  even  to 
the  Earl,  Mr.  Titmouse's  distinguished  kinsman,  the  state 
of  his  property.  He  would,  however,  disclose  sufficient  to 
satisfy  the  Earl  of  Mr.  Gammon's  zeal  and  ability  on  behalf 
of  Mr.  Titmouse's  interests,  his  consummate  qualifications  as 
a  man  of  business,  and  from  time  to  time  perceived  that 
his  display  was  not  lost  upon  the  Earl. 

Mr.  Gammon's  anxiety,  in  particular,  to  prevent  the  borough 
of  Yatton  from  being  a  second  time  wrested  out  of  the  hands 
of  its  proprietor,  and  returning,  by  a  corrupt  and  profligate 
arrangement  with  Ministers,  a  Tory  to  Parliament,  gave  the 
Earl  peculiar  satisfaction.  He  was  led  into  a  long  conver- 
sation with  Mr.  Gammon  upon  political  matters,  and,  at  its 
close,  was  greatly  struck  with  the  soundness  of  his  views, 
the  strength  of  his  liberal  principles,  and  the  vigor  and  acute- 
ness  with  which  he  had  throughout  agreed  with  everything 
the  Earl  had  said  and  fortified  every  position  he  had  taken ; 
evincing,  at  the  same  time,  a  profound  appreciation  of  his 
lordship's  luminous  exposition  of  political  principles.  The 
Earl  was  forced  to  own  to  himself  that  he  had  never  before 
met  with  a  man  of  Mr.  Gammon's  strength  of  intellect,  whose 
views  and  opinions  had  so  intimately  and  entirely  coincided 
— were,  indeed,  identical — with  his  own. 

The  longer  that  the  Earl  continued  at  Yatton  the  more 
he  was  struck  with  its  beauties;  and  the  oftener  they  pre- 
sented themselves  to  his  mind's  eye,  the  keener  became  his 
regrets  at  the  splitting  of  the  family  interests  which  had  so 
long  existed,  and  his  desire  to  take  advantage  of  what  seemed 
almost  an  opportunity  specially  afforded  by  Providence  for 
reuniting  them.  As  the  Earl  took  his  solitary  walks  he 
thought  with  a  deep  anxiety  of  his  own  advanced  age  and 
sensibly  increasing  feebleness.  The  position  of  his  affairs  was 
not  satisfactory.  To  succeed  him  there  was  an  only  child — 
and  that  a  daughter — on  whom  would  devolve  the  splendid 
responsibility  of  sustaining,  alone,  the  honors  of  her  ancient 
family.  On  the  other  hand  there  was  his  newly  discovered 
kinsman,  Mr.  Titmouse,  sole  and  unembarrassed  owner  of 
this  fine  old  family  property;  simple-minded  and  confiding, 
with  a  truly  reverential  feeling  toward  them,  the  heads  of  the 
family;  also  the  undoubted,  undisputed  proprietor  of  the 
borough  of  Yatton ;  and  who  was,  moreover,  already  next  in 


286  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

succession,  after  himself  and  the  Lady  Cecilia,  to  the  ancient 
barony  of  Drelincourt  and  the  estates  annexed  to  it. 

How  little  was  there,  in  reality,  to  set  against  all  this? 
An  eccentricity  of  manner,  for  which  nature  only,  if  any  one, 
was  to  blame;  a  tendency  to  extreme  modishness  in  dress; 
a  slight  deficiency  in  the  knowledge  of  the  etiquette  of 
society — but  which  daily  experience  and  intercourse  were  rap- 
idly supplying;  and  a  slight  disposition  toward  the  pleas- 
ures of  the  table,  which,  no  doubt,  would  disappear  on  the 
instant  of  his  having  an  object  of  permanent  and  elevating 
attachment.  Such  was  Titmouse.  He  had  as  yet,  undoubt- 
edly, made  no  advances  to  Lady  Cecilia,  nor  evinced  any 
disposition  to  do  so,  tho  numerous  and  favorable  had  been, 
and  continued  to  be,  the  opportunities  for  his  doing  so. 
Might  not  this,  however,  be  set  down  entirely  to  the  score  of 
his  excessive  diffidence— distrust  of  his  pretensions  to  aspire 
after  so  august  an  alliance  as  with  the  Lady  Cecilia?  Yet 
there  certainly  was  another  way  of  accounting  for  his  con- 
duct; had  he  got  already  entangled  with  an  attachment 
elsewhere? — Run  after  in  society,  as  he  had  been,  in  a  man- 
ner totally  unprecedented  during  his  very  first  season — had 
his  affections  been  inveigled? — When  the  Earl  dwelt  upon 
this  dismal  possibility,  if  it  were  when  he  was  lying  awake 
in  bed,  he  would  be  seized  with  a  fit  of  intolerable  restless- 
ness— and  getting  up,  he  would  wrap  himself  in  his  dressing- 
gown  and  pace  his  chamber  for  an  hour  at  a  time,  running 
over  in  his  mind  the  names  of  all  the  women  he  knew  who 
would  be  likely  to  lay  snares  for  Titmouse  in  order  to 
secure  him  for  a  daughter. 

Then  there  was  the  Lady  Cecilia — but  she,  he  knew,  would 
not  run  counter  to  his  wishes,  and  he  had,  therefore,  no 
difficulty  to  apprehend  on  that  score.  She  had  ever  been 
calmly  submissive  to  his  will;  had  the  same  lofty  sense  of 
family  dignity  that  he  enjoyed;  and  had  often  concurred  in 
his  deep  regrets  on  account  of  the  separation  of  the  family 
interests.  She  was  still  unmarried — and  yet,  on  her  father's 
decease,  would  be  a  peeress  in  her  own  right,  and  possessed 
of  the  family  estates.  That  fastidiousness  which  alone, 
thought  the  Earl,  had  kept  her  hitherto  single,  would  not, 
he  felt  persuaded,  be  allowed  by  her  to  prevent  so  excellent 
a  family  arrangement  as  would  be  effected  by  her  union  with 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  287 

Titmouse.  Once  married — and  he  having  secured  for  her 
suitable  settlements  from  Titmouse,  if  there  should  prove  to 
be  any  incompatibility  of  temper  or  discrepancy  of  disposi- 
tion, come  the  worst  to  the  worst,  there  was  the  shelter  of 
a  separation  and  separate  maintenance  to  look  at ;  a  thing 
which  was  becoming  of  daily  occurrence — which  implied  no 
reproach  to  either  party — and  left  them  always  at  liberty 
to  return  to  each  other's  society  when  so  disposed.  And  as 
for  the  dress  and  manners  of  Titmouse,  granting  them  to  be 
a  little  extravagant,  would  not,  in  all  probability,  a  word 
from  her  suffice  to  reduce  him,  or  elevate  him  into  a  gentle- 
man? 

The  difficulty  which  at  present  harassed  his  lordship  was 
how  he  could,  without  compromising  his  own  dignity,  or 
injuring  his  darling  scheme  by  a  premature  development  of 
his  purpose,  sound  Titmouse  upon  the  subject.  How  to  break 
the  ice — to  broach  the  subject — was  the  great  problem  which 
the  Earl  turned  over  and  over  again  in  his  mind.  He  had 
thought  of  half  a  dozen  different  ways  of  commencing  with 
Titmouse,  and  decided  upon  adopting  each;  yet,  when  the 
anxiously  looked  for  moment  had  arrived,  he  lost  sight  of 
them  all,  in  his  inward  fluster  and  nervousness. 

'Twas  noon,  and  Titmouse,  smoking  a  cigar,  was  walk- 
ing slowly  up  and  down,  his  hands  stuck  into  his  surtout 
pockets  and  resting  on  his  hips,  in  the  fir-tree  walk  at  the 
end  of  the  garden.  When  the  Earl  saw  that  Titmouse, 
aware  that  his  lordship  had  observed  him,  had  tossed  aside 
his  cigar,  the  Earl  ''begged"  he  would  go  on,  and  tried  to 
calm  and  steady  himself,  by  a  moment's  reflection  upon  his 
overwhelming  superiority  over  Titmouse  in  every  respect; 
but  it  was  in  vain. 

Now,  what  anxiety  and  embarrassment  would  the  Earl 
have  been  spared  had  he  been  aware  of  one  little  fact,  that 
Mr.  Gammon  was  unconsciously,  secretly,  and  potently  his 
lordship's  friend  in  the  great  matter  which  lay  so  near  to 
his  heart?  For  so  it  was,  in  truth.  He  had  used  all  the  art 
he  was  master  of,  and  availed  himself  of  all  his  mysterious 
power  over  Titmouse,  to  get  him  at  all  events  to  make  ad- 
vances toward  his  distinguished  kinswoman. 

Gammon  proceeded  to  excite  the  pride  and  ambition  of 
Titmouse,  by  representations  of  the  splendor  of  an  alliance 


288  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

with  the  last  representative  of  so  ancient  and  illustrious  a 
house;  in  fact,  when  he  came,  said  Gammon,  to  think  of  it, 
he  found  it  was  too  grand  a  stroke,  and  that  she  would  not 
entertain  the  notion  for  a  moment;  that  she  had  refused 
crowds  of  young  lords ;  that  she  would  be  a  peeress  of  the 
realm  in  her  own  right,  with  an  independent  income  of 
^"5,000  a  year,  and  mansions,  seats,  and  castles  in  each  of 
the  four  quarters  of  the  kingdom.  Topics  such  as  these  ex- 
cited and  inflated  Titmouse  to  the  full  extent  desired  by  Mr. 
Gammon,  who,  moreover,  with  great  solemnity  of  manner, 
gave  him  distinctly  to  understand  that  on  his  being  able 
to  effect  an  alliance  with  the  Lady  Cecilia  absolutely  de- 
pended his  continuance  in  or  expulsion  from  the  possession 
of  the  whole  Yatton  property.  Thus  it  came  to  pass  that 
Titmouse  was  penetrated  by  a  far  keener  desire  to  ally  him- 
self to  the  Lady  Cecilia  than  ever  the  Earl  had  experienced 
to  bring  about  such  an  auspicious  event. 

"Well,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  commenced  the  Earl  blandly,  step- 
ping at  once  with  graceful  boldness  out  of  the  mist,  con- 
fusion, and  perplexity  which  prevailed  among  his  lordship's 
ideas,  "what  are  you  thinking  about?  For  you  seem  to  be 
thinking!"  and  a  courteous  little  laugh  accompanied  the 
last  words. 

"'Pon — 'pon  my  life — I — I — beg  your  lordship's  pardon — 
but  it's — monstrous  odd  your  lordship  should  have  known  it," 
stammered  Titmouse;  and  his  face  suddenly  grew  of  a  scarlet 
color. 

"  Sir,"  replied  the  Earl,  with  greater  skill  than  he  had  ever 
evinced  in  his  whole  life  before,  "it  is  not  at  all  odd,  when 
it  happens  that — the  probability  is — that — we  are,  perhaps — 
mind,  sir,  I  mean  possibly — thinking  about  the  same  thing!" 
Titmouse  grew  more  and  more  confused,  gazing  in  silence, 
with  a  simpering  stare,  at  his  noble  companion,  who,  with 
his  hands  joined  behind  him,  was  walking  slowly  along  with 
Titmouse. 

"Sir,"  continued  the  Earl  in  a  low  tone,  breaking  a  very 
awkward  pause,  "it  gives  me  sincere  satisfaction  to  assure 
you  that  I  can  fully  appreciate  the  delicate  embarrassment 
which  I  perceive  you  are  now " 

"My  lord — your  lordship's  most  uncommon  polite,"  quoth 
Titmouse,  suddenly  taking  off  his  hat  and  bowing  very  low. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  289 

The  Earl  moved  his  hat  also,  and  slightly  bowed,  with  a 
proudly  gratified  air ;  and  again  there  occurred  a  little  pause, 
which  was  broken  by  Titmouse. 

"Then  your  lordship  thinks  it  will  do?"  he  inquired  very 
sheepishly,  but  anxiously. 

"  Sir,  I  have  the  honor  to  assure  you  that  as  far  as  /  am 
concerned  I  see  no  obst " 

"  Yes — but  excuse  me,  my  lord — your  lordship  sees — I  mean 
— my  lord,  your  lordship  sees " 

"Sir,  I  think,  nay,  I  believe  I  do"  interrupted  the  Earl, 
wishing  to  relieve  the  evident  embarrassment  of  his  com- 
panion, "but — I  see  nothing  that  should — alarm  you." 

"  Doesn't  your  lordship,  indeed?"  inquired  Titmouse  rather 
briskly. 

"  Sir,  it  was  a  saying  of  one  of  the  great — I  mean,  sir,  it  is 
— you  must  often  have  heard,  sir — in  short,  nothing  venture, 
nothing  have!" 

"  I'd  venture  a  precious  deal,  my  lord,  if  I  only  thought  I 
could  get  what  Pm  after!" 

"Sir?"  exclaimed  the  Earl  condescendingly. 

"If  your  lordship  would  only  be  so  particular — so  uncom- 
mon kind — as  to  name  the  thing  to  her  ladyship — by  way  of 
— eh,  my  lord? — a  sort  of  breaking  the  ice,  and  all  that " 

"  Sir,  I  feel  and  have  a  just  pride  in  assuring  you  that  the 
Lady  Cecilia  is  a  young  lady  of  superior  delicacy  of " 

"Does  your  lordship  really  think  I've  a. ghost  of  a  chance?" 
interrupted  Titmouse  anxiously.  "  She  must  have  named 
the  thing  to  your  lordship,  no  doubt — eh,  my  lord?" 

This  queer  notion  of  the  young  lady's  delicacy  a  little 
staggered  her  distinguished  father  for  a  moment  or  two. 
What  was  he  to  say?  She  and  he  had  really  often  named 
the  thing  to  each  other;  and  here  the  question  was  put  to 
him  plumply.  The  Earl  scorned  a  flat  lie,  and  never  con- 
descended to  equivocation  except  when  it  was  absolutely 
necessary. 

"Sir,"  he  said  hesitatingly,  " undoubtedly— if  I  were  to 
say — that  now  and  then,  when  your  attentions  have  been 
so  pointed " 

"Ton  my  life,  my  lord,  I  never  meant  it;  if  your  lordship 
will  only  believe  me,"  interrupted  Titmouse  earnestly;  "I 
beg  a  thousand  pardons — I  mean  no  harm,  my  lord." 


29o  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Sir,  there  is  no  harm  done,"  said  the  Earl  kindly.  "Sir, 
I  know  human  nature  too  well,  or  I  have  lived  thus  long  to 
little  purpose,  not  to  be  aware  that  we  are  not  always  master 
of  our  own  feelings." 

"  That's  exactly  it,  my  lord !  Excuse  me,  but  your  lord- 
ship's hit  the  thing!" 

"Do  not  imagine,  Mr.  Titmouse,  that  I  think  your  atten- 
tions may  have  been  unpleasant  to  the  Lady  Cecilia — by  no 
means ;  I  cannot,  with  truth,  say  any  such  thing ! " 

"Oh,  my  lord!"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  taking  off  his  hat, 
bowing,  and  placing  his  hand  upon  his  breast,  where  his 
little  heart  was  palpitating  with  unusual  force  and  distinct- 
ness. 

"Faint  heart,  says  the  proverb,  Mr.  Titmouse,  ah,  ah!" 
quoth  the  Earl  with  gentle  gayety. 

"Yes,  my  lord,  it's  enough  to  make  one  faint,  indeed! 
Now,  if  your  lordship  (I'm  not  used  to  the  sort  of  thing, 
my  lord ! )  would  just  make  a  sort  of  beginning  for  me, 
my  lord,  with  the  Lady  Cicely — to  set  us  going,  my  lord — 
the  least  shove  would  do,  my  lord." 

"Well,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  the  Earl  with  a  gracious  smile, 
"  since  your  modesty  is  so  overpowering — I'll  try — to — become 
your  ambassador  to  the  Lady  Cecilia.  If,  Mr.  Titmouse," 
his  lordship  presently  added,  in  a  serious  tone,  "you  are 
fortunate  enough  to  succeed  in  engaging  the  affections  of 
the  Lady  Cecilia,  you  will  discover  that  you  have  secured 
indeed  an  invaluable  prize." 

"  To  be  sure,  my  lord !  And  consider,  too,  her  ladyship's 
uncommon  high  rank — it's  so  particular  condescending.  By 
the  way,  my  lord,  will  she — if  she  and  I  can  hit  it  off,  so 
as  to  marry  one  another — be  called  Mrs.  Titmouse,  or  shall 
I  be  called  Lord  Titmouse!  I  wonder  how  that  will  be,  my 
lord?  'Tis  only,  your  lordship  understands,  on  Lady  Cicely's 
account  I  ask,  because  it's,  in  course,  all  one  to  me,  when 
once  we're  married." 

The  Earl  was  gazing  at  him  as  he  went  on,  with  an  expres- 
sion of  mingled  surprise  and  concern;  presently,  however, 
he  added  with  calm  seriousness  :  "  Sir,  it  is  not  an  unreason- 
able question,  tho  I  should  have  imagined  that  you  could 
hardly  have  been — but — in  short,  the  Lady  Cecilia  will  retain 
her  rank  and  become  the  Lady  Cecilia  Titmouse — that  is, 


-• 


"  Will  She  be  called 
Mrs.  Titmouse  or  will 
1  be  c-jjled  Lord 

' 


292  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

during  my  life;  but,  on  my  demise,  she  succeeds  to  the  barony 
of  Drelincourt,  and  then  will  be  called,  of  course,  Lady  Drelin- 
court." 

"And  what  shall  I  be  then,  my  lord?"  inquired  Titmouse 
eagerly. 

"  Sir,  you  will  of  course  continue  Mr.  Titmouse — 

"'Pon  my  life,  my  lord — shall  I,  indeed?"  he  interrupted, 
with  a  crestfallen  air,  "Mr.  Titmouse  and  Lady  Drelincourt? 
Excuse  me,  my  lord,  but  it  don't  sound  at  all  like  man  and 
wife— 

"Sir,  so  it  always  has  been,  and  will  be,  and  so  it  ever 
ought  to  be,"  replied  the  Earl  gravely. 

"Well,  but,  my  lord — (excuse  me,  my  lord) — but  marriage 
is  a  very  serious  thing,  my  lord,  your  lordship  knows — 

"  It  is,  sir,  indeed,"  replied  the  Earl,  gloom  visibly  over- 
spreading his  features. 

"  Suppose,"  continued  Titmouse,  "  Lady  Cicely  should  die 
before  me?" 

The  Earl,  remaining  silent,  fixed  on  Titmouse  the  eye  of  a 
FATHER — a  father,  tho  a  very  foolish  one;  and  presently, 
with  a  sensible  tremor  in  his  voice,  replied,  "Sir,  these  are 
rather  singular  questions — but,  in  such  a  mournful  contin- 
gency as  the  one  you  have  hinted  at — 

"  Oh,  my  lord !  I  humbly  beg  pardon — of  course,  I  should 
be,  'pon  my  soul,  my  lord,  most  uncommon  sorry,"  inter- 
rupted Titmouse  with  a  little  alarm  in  his  manner. 

"  I  was  saying,  sir — that  in  such  an  event,  if  Lady  Drelin- 
court left  no  issue,  you  would  succeed  to  the  barony;  but 
should  she  leave  issue,  they  will  be  called  Honorable — 

"What!— 'the  Honorable  Tittlebat  Titmouse'  if  it's  a  boy, 
and  the  'Honorable  Cecilia  Titmouse'  if  it's  a  girl?" 

"Sir,  it  will  be  so — unless  you  should  choose  to  take  the 
name  and  arms  of  Dreddlington  on  marrying  the  sole  heir- 
ess  " 

"Oh  !  indeed,  my  lord?  'Pon  my  life,  my  lord,  that's  worth 
considering — because  I  a'n't  over  and  above  pleased  with  my 
own  name.  What  will  it  cost  to  change  it  now,  my  lord?" 

"Sir,"  said  the  Earl,  struck  with  the  idea,  "that  is  really 
a  matter  worth  considering.  In  a  matter  of  that  magnitude, 
sir,  I  presume  that  expense  would  not  be  a  matter  of  serious 
consideration." 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  293 

After  some  further  conversation,  the  Earl  came  plump 
upon  the  great  pivot  upon  which  the  whole  arrangement 
was  to  turn — settlements  and  jointures — oh,  as  to  ////•///,  Tit- 
mouse, who  was  recovering  from  the  shock  of  the  discovery 
that  his  marriage,  however  it  might  degrade  the  Lady  Cecilia, 
would  not  ennoble  him — promised  everything — would  leave 
everything  in  the  hands  of  his  lordship. 

Soon  afterward  the  Earl  sought  Lady  Cecilia,  and  per- 
formed his  promise,  by  preparing  her  to  receive  the  pro- 
posals of  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE. 

The  desired  opportunity  occurred  the  next  day.  Titmouse 
had  slept  like  a  top  all  night,  but  Lady  Cecilia  had  passed 
a  sleepless  night,  and  did  not  make  her  appearance  at  the 
breakfast  table.  Understanding,  however,  that  her  ladyship 
was  in  the  drawing-room,  Titmouse,  who  had  bestowed  during 
the  interval  more  than  usual  pains  upon  his  dress,  gently 
opened  the  door,  and  observing  that  she  was  alone,  reclining 
on  the  sofa,  with  a  sudden  beating  of  the  heart  closed  the 
door  and  approached  her,  bowing  profoundly.  Poor  Lady 
Cecilia  immediately  sat  up,  very  pale  and  trembling. 

"You  aren't  well  this  morning,  are  you,  Lady  Cicely?"  said 
he,  observing  how  pale  she  looked,  and  that  she  did  not 
seem  disposed  to  speak. 

"  I  am  quite  well,"  she  replied  in  a  low  tone. 

"It's  beginning  to  look  like  winter  a  little,  eh,  Lady 
Cicely?"  said  he,  after  an  embarrassing  pause,  looking 
through  the  windows. 

"Certainly  it  is  getting  rather  cheerless,"  replied  Lady 
Cecilia.  Titmouse  turned  pale  and,  twirling  his  fingers  in 
his  hair,  fixed  upon  her  a  stupid  and  most  embarrassing 
look,  under  which  her  eyes  fell  toward  the  ground,  and  re- 
mained looking  in  that  direction. 

"  I — I — hope  his  lordship's  been  saying  a  good  word  for  me, 
Lady  Cicely?" 

"  My  father  mentioned  your  name  to  me  yesterday,"  she 
replied,  trembling  excessively. 

"'Pon  my  soul,  monstrous  kind!"  said  Titmouse,  trying 
desperately  to  look  at  his  ease.  "  Said  he'd  break  the  ice  for 
me."  Here  ensued  another  pause.  "Everybody  must  have 
a  beginning,  you  know.  'Pon  my  solemn  honor,  all  he  said 
about  me  is  quite  true."  Profoundly  as  was  Lady  Cecilia 


294  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

depressed,  she  looked  up  at  Titmouse  for  a  moment  with 
evident  surprise.  "  Now,  Lady  Cicely,  just  as  between  friends, 
didn't  he  tell  you  something  very  particular  about  me  ? 
Didn't  he?  Eh?"  She  made  him  no  answer. 

"I  dare  say,  Lady  Cicely,  tho  somehow  you  look  sad 
enough,  you  a'n't  vexed  to  see  me  here?  Eh?  There's  many 
and  many  a  woman  in  London  that  would — but  it's  no  use 
now.  'Pon  my  soul  I  love  you,  I  do,  Lady  Cicely."  She 
trembled  violently,  for  he  was  drawing  his  chair  nearer  to 
her.  She  felt  sick — sick  almost  to  death. 

"I  know  it's — it's  a  monstrous  unpleasant  piece  of — I  mean, 
it's  an  awkward  thing  to  do ;  but  I  hope  you  love  me,  Lady 
Cicely,  eh?  a  little?"  Her  head  hung  down,  and  a  very 
scalding  tear  oozed  out  and  trickled  down  her  cheek.  "  Hope 
you  aren't  sorry,  dear  Lady  Cicely?  I'm  most  uncommon 
proud  and  happy !  Come,  Lady  Cicely."  He  took  the  thin 
white  hand  that  was  nearest  him,  and  raised  it  to  his  lips; 
had  his  perception  been  only  a  trifle  keener,  he  could  not 
have  failed  to  perceive  a  faint  thrill  pervade  Lady  Cecilia 
as  he  performed  this  act  of  gallantry,  and  an  expression 
crossed  her  features  which  looked  very  much  like  disgust.  He 
had  seen  love  made  on  the  stage  frequently,  and,  as  lovers 
did  there,  he  now  dropped  down  on  one  knee,  still  holding 
Lady  Cecilia's  hand  in  his,  and  pressing  it  a  second  time  to 
his  lips. 

"If your  ladyship  will  only  make  me — so — happy — as  to  be 
— my — wife — 'pon  my  life,  you're  welcome  to  all  I  have;  and 
you  may  consider  this  place  entirely  your  own !  Do  you 
understand  me,  dearest  Lady  Cicely?  Come!  'Pon  my  life — 
I'm  quite  distracted — do  you  love  me,  Lady  Cicely?  Only 
say  the  word." 

A  faint — a  very  faint  sound  issued  from  her  lips — 'twas 
"Yes."  O  poor  Lady  Cecilia!  O  fatal— fatal  falsehood! 

"Then  as  true  as  God's  in  heaven,  dear  gal,  I  love  you," 
said  he,  with  ardor  and  energy ;  and  rising  from  his  knee,  he 
sat  down  beside  her  upon  the  sofa — placed  an  arm  around  her 
waist,  and  with  his  other  hand  grasped  hers — and — imprinted 
a  kiss  upon  her  pale  cheek. 

"'Pon  my  life,  Lady  Cicely,  you  are  a  most  lovely  gal," 
quoth  Titmouse  with  increasing  energy — "  and  now  you're 
all  my  own !  Tho  I  am  only  plain  Mr.  Titmouse,  and 


: 


'TwiwJ  "yes"  — OK.  poor 
L?kdy  Cecelia  !   Oh 
OJjchood  ! 


296  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

you'll  be  Lady  Cicely  still,  I'll  make  you  a  good  husband!" 
and  again  he  pressed  her  hand  and  kissed  her  cold  cheek. 
But  slow  and  dull  as  were  the  Lady  Cecilia's  feelings,  they 
were  becoming  too  much  excited  to  admit  of  her  continuing 
much  longer  in  the  room. 

"  I'm  sure  you'll  excuse  me,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said  she,  rising, 
and  speaking  quickly  and  faintly.  When  she  had  regained 
her  room,  she  wept  bitterly  for  upward  of  an  hour;  and 
Miss  Macspleuchan,  well  aware  of  the  cause  of  it,  knew  not 
how  to  console  one  who  had  so  deliberately  immolated  her- 
self before  the  hideous  little  image  of  Mammon;  who,  in  de- 
grading herself,  had  also  degraded  her  whole  sex.  In  due 
time,  however,  the  Aurora,  a  morning  fashionable  London 
newspaper,  announced  to  the  public  the  auspicious  event : 

"  It  is  rumored  that  Mr.  Titmouse,  who  so  lately  recovered 
the  very  large  estates  at  Yatton,  in  Yorkshire,  and  whose 
appearance  in  the  fashionable  world  has  created  so  great  a 
sensation,  and  who  is  already  connected  by  consanguinity 
with  the  ancient  and  noble  family  of  Dreddlington,  is  about 
to  form  a  closer  alliance  with  it,  and  is  now  the  accepted 
suitor  of  the  lovely  and  accomplished  Lady  Cecilia  Philippa 
Leopoldina  Plantagenet,  sole  daughter  and  heiress  of  the 
Right  Hon.  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington,  and  next  in  succession 
to  the  barony  of  Drelincourt,  the  most  ancient,  we  believe, 
in  the  kingdom." 


CHAPTER  XXII 

WHEREIN    MR.    GAMMON,   PASSIONATELY    ENAMOURED   OF    MISS 

AUBREY,  CUNNINGLY  CONTRIVES  SEVERAL  INTERVIEWS 

WHICH  PRODUCE  NOTHING  BUT  DISAPPOINTMENT 

BEHOLD  now,  patient  and  reflecting  reader,  the  situation 
of  the  Aubreys. 

Bound  hand  and  foot — so  to  speak — as  Mr.  Aubrey  felt 
himself,  and  entirely  at  the  mercy  of  Mr.  Titmouse  and  his 
solicitors,  what  could  he  do  but  submit  to  almost  any  terms 
on  which  they  chose  to  insist?  Mr.  Gammon's  proposal 
was  that  Mr.  Aubrey  should  forthwith  discharge,  without 
scrutiny,  their  bill  of  £3,946  145.  6d. ;  give  sufficient  secu- 
rity for  the  payment  of  the  sum  of  ,£10,000  to  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse within  twelve  or  eighteen  months'  time,  and  two 
promissory  notes  for  the  sum  of  £5,000  each,  payable  at 
some  future  period.  As  to  which  he  had  to  rely  solely  on  the 
sincerity  and  forbearance  of  Mr.  Gammon,  and  the  ratifi- 
cation of  his  acts  by  Mr.  Titmouse.  This  proposal  was  duly 
communicated  by  the  unfortunate  Aubrey  to  Messrs.  Run- 
nington,  who  advised  him  to  accept  the  proposed  terms  as 
unquestionably  fair,  and,  under  circumstances,  much  more 
lenient  than  could  have  been  expected.  This  might  be  so ; 
but  yet,  how  hopeless  to  him  the  idea  of  carrying  it  into 
effect !  First  of  all,  how  were  Messrs.  Runnington's  and  Mr. 
Parkinson's  bills  to  be  got  rid  of— the  former  amounting 
to  £1,670  i2s.,  the  latter  to  .£756?  And  how  were  Mr. 
Aubrey  and  his  family  to  live  in  the  mean  while,  and  how, 
moreover,  were  to  be  met  the  expenses  of  his  legal  education  ? 
All  that  Mr.  Aubrey  had,  £3,000  stock  (equal  to  £2,640  of 
money),  and  £423  in  his  banker's  hands — his  cash  in  hand, 
was  £3,063.  If  he  were  to  devote  the  whole  of  it  to  the 
discharge  of  the  three  attorneys'  bills  which  he  owed,  he  would 
still  leave  a  gross  balance  unpaid  of  £3,310  I2S.  6d. !  And 
yet  for  him  to  talk  of  giving  security  for  the  payment  of 


298  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

;£i  0,000  within  eighteen  months,  and  his  own  notes  of  hand 
for  ;£i  0,000  more!  It  was  really  almost  maddening  to  sit 
down  and  contemplate  all  this. 

He  resolved  to  devote  every  farthing  he  had,  except  £200, 
to  the  liquidation  of  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap's 
account,  and  (in  smaller  proportion)  of  those  also  of  Messrs. 
Runnington  and  Mr.  Parkinson ;  if  necessary,  he  resolved  to 
sell  his  books  and  the  remnant  of  old  family  plate  that  he 
had  preserved.  Then  he  would  strain  every  nerve  to  con- 
tribute toward  the  support  of  himself  and  of  his  family— 
by  his  literary  exertions,  in  every  other  moment  that  he 
could  spare  from  his  legal  studies.  He  resolved  also,  tho 
with  a  shudder,  to  commit  himself  to  Gammon  and  Tit- 
mouse's mercy  by  handing  to  them  his  two  notes  of  hand 
for  £  10,000— payable  on  demand — for  such  Gammon  intima 
ted  was  usual  in  such  a  case,  and  would  be  required  in  the 
present  one.  But  whither  was  he  to  look  for  security  for 
the  payment  of  £  10,000  within  eighteen  months'  time?  While 
revolving  these  distracting  and  harassing  topics  in  his  mind, 
the  name  of  Lord  De  la  Zouch,  his  most  intimate  friend, 
always  presented  itself  to  him. 

His  lordship's  income  was  at  least  eighty  or  a  hundred 
thousand  pounds  a  year;  his  habits  were  simple  and  unos- 
tentatious, tho  he  was  of  a  truly  munificent  disposition ;  and 
he  had  not  a  large  and  expensive  family — his  only  child  being 
Mr.  Delamere.  He  had  ever  professed  to  be  a  devoted  friend 
to  Mr.  Aubrey — did  not  Providence,  then,  seem  to  point  him 
out  as  one  who  should  be  applied  to,  to  rescue  from  de- 
struction a  fallen  friend?  But,  alas!  the  thought  of  sweet 
Kate  suggested  another  source  of  embarrassment  to  Aubrey, 
who  well  knew  the  ardent  and  inextinguishable  passion  for  her 
entertained  by  Geoffrey  Delamere.  So,  indeed,  it  was;  and, 
torn  with  conflicting  emotions  and  considerations  of  this  kind, 
nearly  the  whole  of  the  fortnight  granted  to  him  for  delib- 
eration had  elapsed,  before  he  could  make  up  his  mind  to 
apply  to  Lord  De  la  Zouch.  At  length,  however,  with  a  sort 
of  calm  desperation,  he  determined  to  do  so.  He  had  re- 
quested Lord  De  la  Zouch  to  address  his  answer  to  him  at 
the  Temple !  and  sure  enough,  by  return  of  post,  Mr.  Aubrey 
found  lying  on  his  desk,  on  reaching  the  Temple  three  or 
four  mornings  afterward,  the  following  letter  : 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  299 

"  Mv  VERY   DEAR   AUBREY  : 

'•  If  you  really  value  my  friendship,  never  pain  my  feelings 
again  by  expressions  of  distrust  as  to  the  issue  of  any  appli- 
cation of  yours  to  me,  such  as  are  contained  in  your  letter 
now  lying  before  me.  Has  anything  that  has  ever  hitherto 
passed  between  us  justified  them?  For  Heaven's  sake,  tell 
your  attorneys  not  to  lose  a  moment  in  procuring  the  neces- 
sary instruments  and  forwarding  them  to  me.  I  will  then 
execute  them  immediately  and  return  them  to  you  by  the 
next  post  or  mail.  If  you  will  but  at  once  set  about  this  in  a 
business-like  way,  I  will  forgive  and  forget  all  the  absurd  and 
unkind  scruples  with  which  your  letter  abounds.  I  insist  on 
being  your  sole  surety. 

"And  now,  dear  Aubrey,  how  get  you  on  with  Law?  Does 
she  smile,  or  scowl,  upon  you? 

"  How  are  dear  Mrs.  Aubrey  and  Miss  Aubrey,  and  your 
little  ones?  Would  that  we  could  insist  on  all  of  you  taking 
up  your  abode  with  us !  Have  you  seen  Geoffrey  lately  ? 
He  tells  me  that  he  is  working  very  hard  indeed  at  Oxford; 
and  so  says  his  tutor.  It  is  more  than  ever  I  did.  Pray 
write  me  by  return.  I  am  ever,  my  dear  Aubrey,  yours, 
faithfully  and  affectionately,  DE  LA  ZOUCH." 

No  language  can  do  justice  to  the  feelings  with  which 
Mr.  Aubrey  perused  the  foregoing  letter.  Its  generosity 
was  infinitely  enhanced  by  its  delicacy;  and  both  were 
most  exquisitely  appreciated  by  a  man  of  his  susceptibility 
and  in  his  circumstances.  He  resolved  to  go  to  Messrs.  Run- 
nington,  and  set  them  into  instant  communication  with 
Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap ;  and  matters  having  been 
set  in  train  for  the  speediest  possible  settlement,  Mr.  Aubrey 
returned  to  chambers,  but  quitted  them  an  hour  earlier  than 
usual,  to  brighten  the  countenances  of  those  he  loved  by  the 
joyous  intelligence  he  bore.  But  he  found  that  they  also  had 
cheering  news  to  communicate;  so  that  this  was,  indeed,  a 
memorable  day  to  them. 

Old  Lady  Stratton,  an  early  and  bosom  friend  of  Aubrey's 
deceased  mother,  had,  it  may  easily  be  believed,  never  ceased 
to  take  a  lively  interest  in  the  fortunes  of  the  unhappy 
Aubreys.  She  was  now  far  advanced  in  years,  and,  tho  she 
enjoyed  an  ample  income,  bestowed  annually  all  her  surplus 


300  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

income  in  charity.  Many  years  before,  however,  she  had  re- 
solved upon  making  a  provision  for  Miss  Aubrey,  whom  she 
loved  as  if  she  had  been  her  mother;  and  the  expedient  she 
had  resorted  to  (quite  unknown  to  the  Aubreys)  was  to 
insure  her  life  for  the  sum  of  .£15,000,  the  whole  of  which 
sum  she  had  intended  to  bequeath  to  Miss  Aubrey.  By 
effecting  a  loan  from  the  insurance  company  upon  her  policy 
she  had  contrived  to  raise  a  sum  of  ,£2,000;  and  Miss  Aubrey 
had  that  morning  received  a  letter  from  her,  begging  her  to 
present  the  sum  in  question  (for  which  Lady  Stratton  had 
lodged  a  credit  with  her  bankers  in  London)  to  her  brother 
Mr.  Aubrey,  to  dispose  of  as  he  pleased. 

This  seasonable  assistance  enabled  him  to  make  the  fol- 
lowing arrangement  for  liquidating  the  sums  due  on  account 
of  the  tremendous  attorneys'  bills  : 

To  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap,   .        .        .       £"2,500 

Messrs.  Runnington, 1,000 

Mr.  Parkinson, 500 


£4,000 

If  this  arrangement  could  be  effected,  then  he  would  be 
able  to  reserve  in  his  own  hands  £1,063,  and  retain  liabili- 
ties as  under  : 

s    d 

Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  (balance),     £1,446   146 
Messrs.  Runnington  (ditto),      .        .        .        .  670    12   o 

Mr.  Parkinson  (ditto), 256     o  o 


£2,373      6   6 

Heavy  was  his  heart  at  beholding  this  result  of  even  the 
most  favorable  mode  of  putting  his  case.  Within  a  week's 
time  Messrs.  Runnington  received  the  necessary  security 
from  Lord  De  la  Zouch,  who  had  thereby  bound  himself  in 
the  penal  sum  of  £20,000  that  Mr.  Aubrey  should,  in  eigh- 
teen months'  time  from  the  date  of  the  bond,  pay  the  prin- 
cipal sum  of  £10,000,  with  interest  at  five  per  cent.;  and 
this  instrument,  together  with  Mr.  Aubrey's  two  promissory 
notes  for  £"5,000  each,  and  also  cash  to  the  amount  of 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  301 

,£2,500  in  part  payment  of  their  bill,  having  been  delivered  to 
Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap — who,  after  a  great  deal 
of  reluctance  on  the  part  of  Mr.  Quirk,  finally  consented  to 
allow  the  balance  of  ^1,446  145.  6d.  to  stand  over — they 
delivered  to  him,  first  a  receipt  for  so  much  on  account  of 
their  own  bill;  and  secondly,  an  instrument  by  which  Tittle- 
bat Titmouse,  for  the  considerations  therein  expressed,  did 
remise,  release,  and  forever  quitclaim,  unto  Charles  Aubrey, 
his  heirs,  executors,  and  administrators,  all  other  demands 
whatsoever.  By  this  arrangement  Mr.  Aubrey  was  absolutely 
exonerated  from  the  sum  of  ^"40,000,  in  which  he  stood 
indebted  to  Mr.  Titmouse,  and  so  far  he  had  just  cause  for 
congratulation. 

But  was  not  his  situation  still  one  calculated  to  depress 
and  alarm  him  more  and  more  every  time  that  he  contem- 
plated it?  Where  was  he  to  find  the  sum  requisite  to  release 
Lord  De  la  Zouch  from  any  part  of  his  dreadful  liability? 
For  with  such  a  surety  in  their  power  as  that  great  and 
opulent  peer,  was  it  likely  that  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and 
Snap  would  be  otherwise  than  peremptory  and  inflexible 
when  the  day  of  payment  arrived?  And  if  so,  with  what 
feelings  must  Mr.  Aubrey  see  his  noble  and  generous  friend 
called  upon  to  pay  down  nearly  ^11,000  for  him?  And  was 
he  not  liable  at  any  moment  upon  his  own  two  notes  for 
^"5,000  each?  And  were  they  not  likely  to  insist  speedily 
on  the  discharge  of  their  own  serious  balance  of  ^"1,446 
odds? 

Still  pressed,  as  indeed  he  was,  his  spirit  had  by  no  means 
lost  its  elasticity,  supported  as  he  was  by  a  powerful  and 
unconquerable  WILL — and  also  by  a  devout  reliance  upon  the 
protection  of  Providence.  Tho  law  is  indeed  an  exhausting 
and  absorbing  study,  and  it  was  pursued  by  Mr.  Aubrey 
with  unflagging  energy,  yet  he  found  time  enough  to  con- 
tribute sensibly  to  the  support  of  himself  and  his  family  by 
literary  labors,  expended  principally  upon  compositions  of  a 
historical  and  political  character.  Theirs  was,  after  all,  with 
all  that  I  have  said,  a  happy  little  home.  Sometimes  Miss 
Aubrey  would  sit  down  to  her  piano,  and  accompany  herself 
in  some  song  or  air,  which  equally,  whether  merry  or  mourn- 
ful, revived  innumerable  touching  and  tender  recollections  of 
former  days,  and  she  often  ceased,  tremulously  and  in  tears, 


302  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

in  which  she  was  not  unfrequently  joined  by  both  of  those 
who  had  been  listening  to  her.  Then  he  would  betake  him- 
self to  his  labors  for  the  rest  of  the  evening  (not  quitting 
the  room),  they  either  assisting  him — fair  and  eager  aman- 
uenses! — or  themselves  reading,  or  engaged  at  needlework. 

They  kept  up — especially  Kate — a  constant  correspondence 
with  good  old  Dr.  Tatham,  through  whom  they  were  thus 
apprised  of  everything  of  moment  that  transpired  at  Yatton, 
to  which  place  their  feelings  clung  with  unalienable  affec- 
tion. Dr.  Tatham's  letters  had  indeed  almost  always  a  pain- 
ful degree  of  interest  attached  to  them.  From  his  frequent 
mention  of  Mr.  Gammon's  name — and  almost  equally  favor- 
able as  frequent — it  appeared  that  he  possessed  a  vast  as- 
cendency over  Mr.  Titmouse,  and  was,  whenever  he  was  at 
Yatton,  in  a  manner  its  moving  spirit.  The  Doctor  repre- 
sented Titmouse  as  a  truly  wretched  creature,  with  no  more 
sense  of  religion  than  a  monkey;  equally  silly,  selfish,  and 
vulgar — unfeeling  and  tyrannical  whenever  he  had  an  oppor- 
tunity of  exhibiting  his  real  character. 

One  evening  the  servant  brought  up-stairs  a  letter  addressed 
to  Mr.  Aubrey.  The  very  first  glance  at  its  contents  expelled 
the  color  from  his  cheek;  he  turned,  in  fact,  so  pale  that 
Mrs.  Aubrey  and  Kate  also  changed  color  and  came  and 
stood  with  beating  hearts  and  suddenly  suspended  breath, 
one  on  each  side  of  him,  looking  over  the  letter  while  he  was 
reading  it.  As  I  intend  presently  to  lay  a  copy  of  it  before 
the  reader,  I  shall  first  state  a  few  circumstances  which  will 
make  it  appear  that  this  letter  may  be  compared  to  a  shell 
thrown  into  a  peaceful  little  citadel  by  a  skilful,  tho  distant 
and  unseen  engineer — in  short,  I  mean  Mr.  Gammon. 

This  astute  and  determined  person  had  long  been  bent  upon 
securing  access  to  Mr.  Aubrey's  family  circle  for  powerful 
reasons  of  his  own.  That  Mr.  Aubrey  was  by  no  means 
anxious  for  such  a  favor  had  been  long  before  abundantly 
manifest  to  Gammon,  and  yet  not  in  a  way  to  give  him  any 
legitimate  or  reasonable  grounds  of  offense.  Nothing,  he  felt, 
could  be  more  unexceptionably  courteous  than  Mr.  Aubrey's 
demeanor ;  yet  it  had  been  such  as  to  satisfy  him  that,  unless 
he  resorted  to  some  means  of  unusual  efficacy,  he  never  could 
get  upon  visiting  terms  with  the  Aubreys.  The  impression 
which  Miss  Aubrey  had  produced  in  Gammon's  mind  when 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  303 

he  had  first  seen  her  remained.  Her  beauty,  her  grace,  her 
elevated  character,  her  accomplishments,  her  high  birth — all 
were  exquisitely  appreciated  by  him,  and  conspired  to  con- 
stitute a  prize  for  the  gaining  of  which  he  deemed  no  exer- 
tion too  great,  no  enterprise  too  hazardous.  She  was,  again, 
the  only  person  the  sight  of  whom  had  in  any  measure 
given  vitality  to  his  marble  heart,  exciting  totally  new 
thoughts  and  desires,  such  as  stimulated  him  to  a  fierce  and 
inflexible  determination  to  succeed  in  his  purposes.  He  was, 
in  short,  prepared  to  make  almost  any  sacrifice,  to  wait  any 
length  of  time,  to  do  or  suffer  anything  that  man  could  do 
or  suffer,  whether  derogatory  to  his  personal  honor  or  not, 
in  order  to  secure  either  the  affections  of  Miss  Aubrey,  or,  at 
all  events,  her  consent  to  a  union  with  him. 

Having  early  discovered  the  spot  where  Mr.  Aubrey  had 
fixed  his  residence,  Mr.  Gammon  had  made  a  point  of  lying 
in  wait  on  a  Sunday  morning  for  the  purpose  of  discovering 
the  'church  to  which  they  went ;  and  having  succeeded,  he  be- 
came a  constant,  an  impassioned,  tho  an  unseen  observer 
of  Miss  Aubrey,  from  whom  he  seldom  removed  his  eyes 
during  the  service.  But  this  was  to  him  a  highly  unsatis- 
factory state  of  things ;  he  seemed,  in  fact,  not  to  have  made, 
nor  to  be  likely  to  make,  the  least  progress  toward  the 
accomplishment  of  his  wishes,  tho  much  time  had  already 
passed  away.  He  was  so  deeply  engrossed  with  the  affairs 
of  Titmouse— which  required  his  presence  very  frequently  at 
Yatton,  and  a  great  deal  of  his  attention  in  town — as  to 
prevent  his  taking  any  decisive  steps  for  some  time  in  the 
matter  nearest  his  heart.  At  length,  not  having  seen  or 
heard  anything  of  Mr.  Aubrey  for  some  weeks,  during  which 
he — Gammon — had  been  in  town,  he  resolved  on  a  new  stroke 
of  policy.  Therefore  he  easily  induced  Mr.  Quirk  to  despatch 
the  following  letter  to  Mr.  Aubrey,  the  arrival  of  which  had 
produced  the  sensation  I  have  already  intimated : 

"  SIR  :  We  trust  you  will  excuse  our  reminding  you  of  the 
very  large  balance,  ,£1,446  145.  6d.,  still  remaining  due  upon 
our  account — and  which  we  understood,  at  the  time  when 
the  very  favorable  arrangement  to  you,  with  respect  to  Mr. 
Titmouse,  was  made,  was  to  have  been  long  before  this  liqui- 
dated. Whatever  allowances  we  might  have  felt  disposed,  on 


304  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

account  of  your  peculiar  situation,  to  have  made,  we  cannot 
but  feel  a  little  surprised  at  your  having  allowed  several 
months  to  elapse  without  making  any  allusion  thereto.  We 
are  sorry  to  have  to  press  you ;  but  being  much  pressed  our- 
selves with  serious  outlays,  we  are  obliged  to  throw  ourselves 
upon  our  resources;  and  it  gives  us  pleasure  to  anticipate 
that  you  must  by  this  time  have  made  those  arrangements 
that  will  admit  of  your  immediate  attention  to  our  overdue 
account,  and  that  will  render  unnecessary  our  resorting  to 
hostile  and  compulsory  proceedings.  We  trust  that  in  a 
week's  time  we  shall  hear  from  you  to  that  effect,  that  will 
render  unnecessary  our  proceeding  to  extremities  against  you, 
which  would  be  extremely  painful  to  us. — We  remain,  sir, 
yours  most  obediently, 

"  QUIRK,  GAMMON  &  SNAP. 

"P.  S. — We  should  have  no  objection,  if  it  would  materially 
relieve  you,  to  take  your  note  of  hand  for  the  aforesaid  bal- 
ance (^"1,446  145.  6d.)  at  two  months,  with  interest  and 
good  security.  Or  say  ,£800  down  in  two  months,  and  a 
warrant  of  attorney  for  the  remainder,  at  two  months  more." 

As  soon  as  all  three  of  them  had  finished  reading  the  above 
letter  in  the  way  I  have  described,  Mrs.  Aubrey  threw  her 
arms  round  her  silent  and  oppressed  husband's  neck,  and 
Kate,  her  bosom  heaving  with  agitation,  returned  to  her 
seat  without  uttering  a  word. 

"My  darling  Charles!"  faltered  Mrs.  Aubrey. 

"Don't  distress  yourself,  my  Agnes,"  said  he  tenderly, 
"  it  is  only  reasonable  that  these  people  should  ask  for  what 
is  their  own." 

"They  are  wretches! — cruel  harpies!"  quoth  Kate  passion- 
ately, wiping  her  eyes;  "they  know  that  you  have  almost 
beggared  yourself  to  pay  off  by  far  the  greater  part  of  their 
abominable  bill,  and  that  you  are  slaving  day  and  night  to 

enable  you  to "  Here  her  agitation  was  so  excessive  as 

to  prevent  her  uttering  another  word. 

"I  must  write  and  tell  them,"  said  Aubrey  calmly,  but 
with  a  countenance  laden  with  gloom,  "it  is  all  I  can  do — 
but  if  they  will  have  patience  with  me,  I  will  pay  them  all" 

"  Pray,   what  do  you   think,  Charles,  of  your  friend  Mr- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


305 


Gammon  now?"  inquired  Kate,  suddenly  and  scornfully. 
"Oh,  the  smooth-tongued  villain!  I've  always  hated  him!" 
Whilst  she  thus  spoke,  and  whilst  Mrs.  Aubrey  was,  with  a 
trembling  hand,  preparing  tea,  a  double  knock  was  heard  at 
the  street  door. 


Pr-Tvy   wK^t  lioyou 

t,hink~  Clv&rles,  oC 

vouh  friend  Mr  Gbmmon 


"  Gracious,  Charles !  who  can  that  possibly  be,  and  at  this 
time  of  night?"  exclaimed  Kate  with  alarmed  energy. 
"  I    really   cannot   conjecture,"  replied    Mr.    Aubrey.      The 


306  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

servant  in  a  few  minutes  terminated  their  suspense,  by  laying 
down  on  the  table  a  card  bearing  the  name  of  MR.  GAMMON. 

"Mr.  Gammon!"  exclaimed  all  three  in  a  breath,  looking 
apprehensively  at  each  other.  "Is  he  alonel"  inquired  Mr. 
Aubrey  with  forced  calmness. 

"Yes,  sir." 

"  I  shall  see  him  at  once,"  replied  Mr.  Aubrey.  Taking  one 
of  the  candles,  and  descending  the  stairs,  he  entered  the 
study.  In  a  chair  near  the  little  book-strewn  table  sat  his 
dreaded  visitor. 

"O  Mr.  Aubrey!"  commenced  Mr.  Gammon,  "I  perceive, 
from  your  manner,  that  my  fears  are  justified  and  that  I 
am  an  intruder.  This  visit  appears  indeed  unseasonable; 
but,  late  this  afternoon,  I  made  a  discovery  which  has  shocked 
me  beyond  expression.  Am  I  right,  Mr.  Aubrey,  in  supposing 
that  this  evening  you  have  received  a  letter  from  Mr.  Quirk, 
and  about  the  balance  due  on  our  account?" 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Aubrey  coldly. 

"  I  thought  as  much,"  muttered  Gammon  with  suppressed 
vehemence.  "And  he  knew  that  my  word  was  pledged  to 
you  that  it  should  be  long  before  you  were  troubled  about 
the  business." 

"I  have  nothing  to  complain  of,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey, 
eying  his  agitated  companion  searchingly. 

"  But  I  have,  Mr.  Aubrey,"  said  Gammon  haughtily.  "  My 
senior  partner  has  broken  faith  with  me.  Sir,  you  have 
already  paid  more  than  will  cover  what  is  justly  due  to  us; 
and  I  recommend  you,  after  this,  to  have  the  bill  taxed.  I 
do,  sir,  and  thereby  you  will  get  rid  of  every  farthing  of  the 
balance  now  demanded." 

"And  what  you  intend  to  do,  for  Heaven's  sake,  sir,  do 
quickly,  and  do  not  keep  me  in  suspense,"  said  Aubrey,  dis- 
regarding this  last  remark. 

"  Mr.  Aubrey,  I  tell  you,  upon  my  sacred  word  of  honor  as 
a  gentleman,  that  I  entirely  disown  and  scout  this  whole 
procedure ;  that  I  never  knew  anything  about  it  till,  acciden- 
tally, I  discovered  lying  on  Mr.  Quirk's  desk,  after  his  de- 
parture this  evening  from  the  office,  a  rough  draft  of  a  letter 
which  I  presumed  you  had  received,  especially  as,  on  a  strict 
inquiry  of  the  clerks,  I  found  that  a  letter  had  been  put 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  307 

into  the  post  addressed  to  you.  Only  a  fortnight  ago  Mr. 
Quirk  solemnly  pledged  himself  never  to  mention  the  matter 
either  to  me  or  you  again  for  at  least  a  couple  of  years, 
unless  something  extraordinary  should  intervene.  I  am  half 
disposed,  on  account  of  this  and  one  or  two  other  things 
which  have  happened,  to  close  my  connection  with  Mr.  Quirk 
from  this  day — forever.  He  and  I  have  nothing  in  common; 
and  the  kind  of  business  which  he  prefers  is  perfectly  odious 
to  me.  But  if  I  should  continue  in  the  firm,  I  will  undertake 
to  supply  you  with  one  pretty  conclusive  evidence  of  my 
sincerity  and  truth  in  what  I  have  been  saying  to  you — 
namely,  that,  on  the  faith  and  honor  of  a  gentleman,  you 
may  depend  upon  hearing  no  more  on  this  matter  from  any 
member  of  our  firm." 

"Certainly,  Mr.  Gammon,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey,  "the  letter 
you  have  mentioned  has  occasioned  me  great  distress;  for 
it  is  utterly  out  of  my  power  to  comply  with  its  requisitions; 
and  if  it  be  intended  to  be  really  acted  on,  all  my  little 
plans  are  forever  frustrated — and  I  am  at  your  mercy — to 
go  to  prison  if  you  choose,  and  there  end  my  days.  But, 
after  the  explicit  and  voluntary  assurance  which  you  have 
given  me,  I  feel  it  impossible  not  to  believe  you  entirely.  I 
can  imagine  no  motive  for  what  would  be  otherwise  such 
elaborate  deception." 

"  Motive,  Mr.  Aubrey  !  The  only  motive  I  am  conscious  of 
is  one  resting  on  profound  sympathy  for  your  misfortunes- 
admiration  of  your  character — and  aiming  at  your  speedy 
extrication  from  your  very  serious  embarrassments.  Mr. 
Aubrey,  it  pains  me  inexpressibly  to  observe  that  your  anxi- 
eties— your  severe  exertions — I  trust  in  God  I  may  not  rightly 
add,  your  privations — are  telling  on  your  appearance.  You 
are  certainly  much  thinner." 

It  was  impossible  any  longer  to  distrust  the  sincerity  of 
Mr.  Gammon — to  withstand  the  arts  of  this  consummate 
actor.  Mr.  Aubrey  held  out  long,  but  at  length  surrendered 
entirely,  and  yielded  implicit  credence  to  all  that  Gammon 
had  said.  He  looked  fatigued  and  harassed ;  it  was  growing 
late;  he  had  come  on  his  errand  of  courtesy  and  kindness,  a 
great  distance;  why  should  not  Mr.  Aubrey  ask  him  up-stairs, 
to  join  them  at  tea?  Why  should  he  not  have  the  inexpres- 


308  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

sible  gratification  of  letting  Mr.  Gammon  himself,  in  his  own 
pointed  and  impressive  manner,  dispel  all  their  fears?  He 
would,  probably,  not  stay  long. 

"  Mr.  Gammon,"  said  he,  "  there  are  only  Mrs.  Aubrey  and 
my  sister  up-stairs.  I  am  sure  they  will  be  happy  to  see 
me  return  to  them  in  time  for  tea,  accompanied  by  the 
bearer  of  such  agreeable  tidings  as  yours.  For  Mr.  Quirk's 
letter,  to  be  frank,  reached  me  when  in  their  presence  and  we 
all  read  it  together,  and  were  dreadfully  disturbed  at  its 
contents."  After  a  faint  show  of  reluctance  to  trespass  on 
the  ladies  so  suddenly,  and  at  so  late  an  hour,  Mr.  Gammon 
slipped  off  his  great-coat,  and,  with  intense  but  suppressed 
feelings  of  exultation  at  the  success  of. his  scheme,  followed 
Mr.  Aubrey  up-stairs.  He  felt  not  a  little  fluttered  on  enter- 
ing the  room  and  catching  a  first  glimpse  of  the  two  lovely 
women — and  one  of  them  Miss  Aubrey — sitting  in  it,  their 
faces  turned  with  eager  interest  and  anxiety  toward  the 
door  as  he  made  his  appearance. 

"  Let  me  introduce  to  you,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey  quickly,  and 
with  a  bright  assuring  smile,  "  a  gentleman  who  has  kindly 
called  to  relieve  us  all  from  great  anxiety — Mr.  Gammon ; 
Mr.  Gammon,  Mrs.  Aubrey — Miss  Aubrey."  Gammon  bowed 
with  deep  deference,  but  easy  self-possession;  his  soul  thrill- 
ing within  him  at  the  sight  of  her  whose  image  had  never 
been  from  before  his  eyes  since  they  had  first  seen  her. 

"  I  shall  trespass  on  you  for  only  a  few  minutes,  ladies," 
said  he,  approaching  the  chair  toward  which  he  was  mo- 
tioned. "I  could  not  resist  the  opportunity  so  politely 
afforded  me  by  Mr.  Aubrey  of  paying  my  compliments  here, 
and  personally  assuring  you  of  my  utter  abhorrence  of  the 
mercenary  and  oppressive  conduct  of  a  gentleman  with  whom, 
alas !  I  am  closely  connected  in  business,  and  whose  letter 
to  you  of  this  evening  I  only  casually  became  acquainted 
with  a  few  moments  before  starting  off  hither.  Forget  it, 
ladies ;  I  pledge  my  honor  that  it  shall  never  be  acted  on  /" 

"  I'm  sure  we're  happy  to  see  you,  Mr.  Gammon,  and  very 
much  obliged  to  you,  indeed,"  said  Mrs.  Aubrey,  with  a 
sweet  smile,  and  a  face  from  which  alarm  was  vanishing  fast. 
Miss  Aubrey  said  nothing;  her  brilliant  eye  glanced  with 
piercing  anxiety,  now  at  her  brother,  then  at  his  companion. 
Gammon  felt  that  he  was  distrusted.  Nothing  could  be  more 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  309 

prepossessing — more  bland  and  insinuating,  without  a  trace 
of  fulsomeness  than  his  manner  and  address,  as  he  took  his 
seat  between  Mrs.  Aubrey  and  Miss  Aubrey,  whose  paleness 
rather  suddenly  gave  way  to  a  vivid  and  beautiful  flush; 
and  her  eyes  presently  sparkled  with  delighted  surprise  on 
perceiving  the  relieved  air  of  her  brother  and  the  apparent 
cordiality  and  sincerity  of  Mr.  Gammon.  Whenever  she  re- 
flected, moreover,  on  her  expressions  of  harshness  and  sever- 
ity concerning  him  that  very  evening,  and  of  which  he  now 
appeared  so  undeserving,  it  threw  into  her  manner  toward 
him  a  sort  of  delicate  and  charming  embarrassment.  What 
would  he  not  have  given  to  kiss  the  fair  and  delicate  white 
hand  that  passed  to  him  his  tea-cup !  Then  Gammon's 
thoughts  turned  for  a  moment  inward — why,  what  a  scoundrel 
was  he!  At  that  instant  he  was,  as  it  were,  reeking  with 
his  recent  lie.  He  was  there  on  cruel,  false  pretenses,  which 
alone  had  secured  him  access  into  that  little  drawing-room, 
and  brought  him  into  contiguity  with  the  dazzling  beauty 
beside  him — pure,  and  innocent  as  beautiful ;— he  was  a  fiend 
beside  an  angel.  What  an  execrable  hypocrite  was  he ! 

At  length  they  all  got  into  animated  conversation.  He  was 
infinitely  struck  and  charmed  by  the  unaffected  simplicity 
and  frankness  of  their  manners,  yet  he  felt  a  sad  and  pain- 
ful consciousness  of  not  having  made  the  least  way  with 
them;  tho  physically  near  to  them,  he  seemed  really  at  an 
unapproachable  distance  from  them,  and  particularly  from 
Miss  Aubrey.  He  felt  that  the  courtesy  bestowed  upon 
him  was  accidental,  the  result  merely  of  his  present  position 
and  of  the  intelligence  which  he  had  come  to  communicate; 
it  was  not  personal — 'twas  nothing  done  to  Gammon  himself; 
it  would  never  be  renewed,  unless  he  should  renew  his  device. 
They  were  still  the  Aubreys  of  Yatton,  and  he,  in  their  pres- 
ence, still  Mr.  Gammon,  of  the  firm  of  Quirk,  Gammon,  and 
Snap,  of  Saffron  Hill — and  all  this  on  the  part  of  the  Aubreys 
without  the  least  effort,  the  least  intention  or  consciousness. 
No,  there  had  not  been  exhibited  toward  him  the  faintest 
indication  of  hauteur.  On  the  contrary,  he  had  been  treated 
with  perfect  cordiality  and  frankness. 

After  he  had  been  sitting  with  them  for  scarcely  an  hour, 
he  detected  Miss  Aubrey  stealthily  glancing  at  her  watch, 
and  at  once  arose  to  take  his  departure,  with  a  very  easy 


3io  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

and  graceful  air,  expressing  an  apprehension  that  he  had 
trespassed  upon  their  kindness.  He  was  cordially  assured 
to  the  contrary,  but  invited>  neither  to  prolong  his  stay 
nor  to  renew  his  visit.  Miss  Aubrey  made  him,  he  thought, 
as  he  inclined  toward  her,  rather  a  formal  curtsy;  and  the 
tone  of  voice — soft  and  silvery — in  which  she  said  "Good- 
night, Mr.  Gammon,"  fell  on  his  eager  ear  and  sank  into 
his  vexed  heart  like  music.  On  quitting  the  house,  a  deep 
sigh  of  disappointment  escaped  him.  As  he  gazed  for  a  mo- 
ment with  longing  eyes  at  the  windows  of  the  room  in  which 
Miss  Aubrey  was  sitting,  he  felt  profound  depression  of  spirit; 
he  had  altogether  failed;  and  he  had  a  sort  of  cursed  con- 
sciousness that  on  every  account  he  deserved  to  fail.  Her 
image  was  before  his  mind's  eye  every  moment  while  he  was 
threading  his  way  back  to  his  chambers.  Arrived  there  he 
sat  for  an  hour  or  two  before  the  remnant  of  his  fire,  lost 
in  a  reverie;  and  sleep  came  not  to  his  eyes  till  a  late  hour 
in  the  morning. 

Mr.  Gammon  had  some  little  difficulty  in  putting  off  Mr. 
Quirk  from  his  purpose  of  enforcing  the  payment  by  Mr. 
Aubrey  of  the  balance  of  his  account.  This  was  a  considera- 
ble source  of  vexation  to  the  old  gentleman ;  but  he  had  a 
far  greater  one  in  the  final  overthrow  of  his  cherished  hopes 
concerning  his  daughter's  alliance  with  Titmouse.  The  para- 
graph in  the  Aurora  announcing  Mr.  Titmouse's  engagement 
to  his  brilliant  relative,  the  Lady  Cecilia,  had  emanated  from 
the  pen  of  Mr.  Gammon,  who  had  had  several  objects  in 
view  in  giving  early  publicity  to  the  event  he  announced  in 
such  courtly  terms. 

Mr.  Quirk  perused  the  paragraph  with  a  somewhat  flushed 
face.  He  had,  in  fact,  for  some  time  had  grievous  misgivings 
on  the  subject  of  his  chance  of  becoming  the  father-in-law 
of  his  distinguished  client,  Mr.  Titmouse;  but  now  his  faint- 
est glimmering  of  hope  was  suddenly  and  completely  ex- 
tinguished, and  the  old  gentleman  felt  quite  desolate. 
.  "It  seems  all  up,  Gammon,  certainly — don't  it?"  said  he 
with  a  flustered  air. 

"Indeed,  my  dear  sir,  it  does!  You  have  my  sincerest 
sympathy,"  he  replied  speciously. 

Tho  Mr.  Gammon  thus  sympathized  with  one  of  the 
gentle  beings  who  had  been  "rifled  of  all  their  sweetness," 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  311 

I  grieve  to  say  that  the  other,  Miss  Tag-rag,  never  occupied 
his  thoughts  for  one  moment.  He  neither  knew  nor  cared 
whether  or  not  she  was  apprised  of  the  destruction  of  all  her 
fond  hopes,  by  the  paragraph  which  had  appeared  in  the 
Aurora.  In  fact,  he  felt  that  he  had  really  done  enough, 
on  the  part  of  Mr.  Titmouse,  for  his  early  friend  and  patron, 
Mr.  Tag-rag,  on  whom  the  stream  of  fortune  had  set  in 
strong  and  steady;  and  in  short,  Mr.  Gammon  knew  that 
Mr.  Tag-rag  had  received  a  substantial  memento  of  his  con- 
nection with  Tittlebat  Titmouse.  In  fact,  how  truly  disin- 
terested a  man  was  Mr.  Gammon  toward  all  with  whom  he 
came  in  contact !  What  had  he  not  done,  as  I  have  been 
saying,  for  the  Tag-rags?  What  for  Mr.  Titmouse?  What 
for  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington  ?  What  for  Mr.  Quirk,  and 
even  Snap? 

Almost  everything  was  going  as  he  could  wish.  He  was 
absolute  and  paramount  over  Titmouse,  and  could  always 
secure  his  instant  submission  by  virtue  of  the  fearful  and  mys- 
terious talisman  which  he  occasionally  flashed  before  his 
startled  eyes.  He  had  acquired  great  influence,  also,  over  the 
Earl  of  Dreddlington — an  influence  which  was  constantly  on  the 
increase — and  had  seen  come  to  pass  an  event  which  he  judged 
to  be  of  great  importance  to  him — namely,  the  engagement 
between  Titmouse  and  the  Lady  Cecilia.  Yet  there  was  one 
object  which  he  had  proposed  to  himself  as  supremely  desir- 
able— as  the  consummation  of  all  his  designs  and  wishes; 
I  mean  the  obtaining  the  hand  of  Miss  Aubrey — and  in  this 
he  had  yet  a  fearful  misgiving  of  failure.  But  he  was  a  man 
whose  courage  rose  with  every  obstacle;  and  he  fixedly  re- 
solved within  himself  to  succeed,  at  any  cost. 

Gammon's  reception  by  the  Aubreys,  in  Vivian  Street- 
kind  and  courteous  tho  it  had  surely  been — had  ever  since 
rankled  in  his  heart.  Their  abstaining  from  a  request  to  him 
to  prolong  his  stay  or  to  renew  his  visit,  he  had  noted  at  the 
time,  and  had  ever  since  reflected  upon  with  pique  and  dis- 
couragement. Nevertheless,  he  was  resolved,  at  all  hazards, 
to  become  at  least  an  occasional  visitor  in  Vivian  Street. 
When  a  fortnight  had  elapsed  without  any  further  intima- 
tion to  Mr.  Aubrey  concerning  the  dreaded  balance  due  to 
the  firm,  Gammon  ventured  to  call,  for  the  purpose  of  as- 
suring Mr.  Aubrey  that  it  was  no  mere  temporary  lull;  that 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


he  might  divest  his  mind  of  all  uneasiness  on  the  subject. 
Could  Mr.  Aubrey  be  otherwise  than  grateful  for  such  active 
and  manifestly  disinterested  kindness?  Again  Gammon  made 
his  appearance  at  Mrs.  Aubrey's  tea-table — and  was  again 


\Vit,K    wK-jxt,     Humor   would 
Ke   describe    iKe   absurdities 
of  Titmouse 


received  with  all  the  sweetness  and  frankness  of  manner  which 
he  had  formerly  experienced  from  her  and  Miss  Aubrey. 

Again  he  called,  on  some  adroit  pretext  or  another — and 
once  heard  Miss  Aubrey's  rich  voice  and  exquisite  performance 
on  the  piano.  He  became  subject  to  emotions  and  impulses 
of  a  sort  that  he  had  never  before  experienced;  yet,  whenever 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  313 

he  retired  from  their  fascinating  society,  he  felt  an  aching 
void,  as  it  were,  within — he  perceived  the  absence  of  all  sym- 
pathy toward  him;  he  felt  indignant — but  that  did  not 
quench  the  ardor  of  his  aspirations.  'Tis  hardly  necessary 
to  say  that  on  every  occasion  Gammon  effectually  concealed 
the  profound  and  agitating  feelings  which  the  sight  of  Miss 
Aubrey  called  forth  in  him;  and  what  a  tax  was  this  upon 
his  powers  of  concealment  and  self-control !  How  he  laid 
himself  out  to  amuse  and  interest  them  all !  With  what  racy 
humor  would  he  describe  the  vulgar  absurdities  of  Titmouse 
— the  stately  eccentricities  of  the  Dreddlingtons !  With  what 
eager  and  breathless  interest  was  he  listened  to ! 

No  man  could  make  himself  more  unexceptionably  agree- 
able than  Gammon;  and  the  ladies  really  took  pleasure  in 
his  society ;  Kate  being  about  as  far  from  any  notion  of  the 
real  state  of  his  feelings  as  of  what  was  at  that  moment 
going  on  at  the  antipodes.  Her  reserve  toward  him  sensibly 
lessened;  why,  indeed,  should  she  feel  it  toward  one  of 
whom  Dr.  Tatham  spoke  so  highly,  and  who  appeared  to 
warrant  it?  They  often  used  to  speak  of  him,  and  compare 
the  impression  which  his  person  and  conduct  had  produced 
in  their  minds;  and  in  two  points  they  agreed — that  he  ex- 
hibited anxiety  to  render  himself  agreeable;  and  that  there 
was  a  certain  something  about  his  eye  which  none  of  them 
liked.  It  seemed  as  tho  he  had  in  a  manner  two  natures; 
and  that  one  of  them  was  watching  the  effect  of  the  efforts 
made  by  the  other  to  beguile ! 


CHAPTER  XXIII 

DESCRIBES  THE  CAREER  OF  THE  HERO  IN  THE  HOUSE  OF  COM- 
MONS, AND  THE  USEFUL  AND  ENTERTAINING  CON- 
TRIBUTION HE  MADE  TO  A  GREAT  DEBATE 

WHILE,  however,  the  Fates  thus  seemed  to  frown  upon  the 
aspiring  attempts  of  Gammon  toward  Miss  Aubrey,  they 
smiled  benignantly  enough  upon  Titmouse  and  his  suit  with 
the  Lady  Cecilia.  The  first  shock  over — which  no  lively 
sensibilities  or  strong  feelings  of  her  ladyship  tended  to  pro- 
tract— she  began  insensibly  to  get  familiar  with  the  person, 
manners,  and  character  of  her  future  lord,  and  reconciled  to 
her  fate.  The  serene  intelligence  of  Lady  Cecilia  having  sat- 
isfied her  that  "IT  WAS  HER  FATE"  to  be  married  to  Titmouse, 
she  resigned  herself  to  it  tranquilly,  calling  in  to  her  assist- 
ance divers  co-operative  reasons  for  the  step  she  had  agreed 
to  take.  She  could  thereby  accomplish  at  all  events  one  dar- 
ling object  of  her  papa's — the  reunion  of  the  long  and  un- 
happily-severed family  interests.  Then  Yatton  was  certainly 
a  delightful  estate  to  be  mistress  of — a  charming  residence, 
and  one  which  she  might  in  all  probability  calculate  on 
having  pretty  nearly  to  herself.  His  rent-roll  was  large  and 
unencumbered,  and  would  admit  of  a  handsome  jointure. 
On  her  accession  to  her  own  independent  rank  the  odious 
name  of  Titmouse  would  disappear  in  the  noble  one  of  Lady 
Drelincourt,  peeress  in  her  own  right,  and  representative  of 
the  oldest  barony  in  the  kingdom.  Her  husband  would  then 
become  a  mere  cipher— no  one  would  ever  hear  of  him,  or 
inquire  after  him,  or  think  or  care  about  him — a  mere  mote 
in  the  sunbeam  of  her  own  splendor.  But  above  all,  thank 
Heaven !  there  were  many  ways  in  which  a  separation  might 
be  brought  about — never  mind  how  soon  after  marriage — a 
step  which  was  becoming  quite  a  matter  of  course,  and  which 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  315 

implied  nothing  derogatory  to  the  character  or  lessening 
to  the  personal  consequence  of  the  lady — who  indeed  was 
almost,  as  of  course,  recognized  as  an  object  of  sympathy, 
rather  than  of  suspicion  or  scorn. 

In  addition  to  their  previous  gifts  the  crack-brained  Fates 
still  favored  Mr.  Titmouse  by  presently  investing  him  with 
a  character,  and  placing  him  in  a  position,  calculated  to  give 
him  personal  dignity,  and  thereby  redeem  and  elevate  him  in 
the  estimation  of  his  fastidious  and  lofty  mistress.  That 
was  his  election  to  a  seat  in  Parliament — for  the  representa- 
tion of  the  borough  in  which  he  had  a  commanding  influence. 
His  defeated  opponent  was  no  less  than  the  Honorable  Mr. 
Delamere,  the  son  and  heir  of  Lord  De  la  Zouch,  and  the  de- 
voted lover  of  Kate. 

The  most  interesting  incident  in  the  hotly  contested  election, 
in  which  Mr.  Gammon,  through  his  agents,  spent  his  principal's 
money  freely,  was  the  famous  speech  of  Mr.  Titmouse  on  the 
hustings.  Now,  I  happen  to  have  a  shorthand  writer's  notes 
of  every  word  uttered  by  Titmouse,  vainly  prompted  by  Mr. 
Gammon,  together  with  an  account  of  the  reception  it  met 
with;  and  I  shall  here  give  the  reader,  first,  Mr.  Titmouse's 
real,  and,  secondly,  Mr.  Titmouse's  supposed  speech  as  it  ap- 
peared two  days  afterward  in  the  columns  of  the  Yorkshire 
Stingo  : 

"Look  on  this  picture —  — and  on  THIS!" 

Mr.  Titmouse's  ACTUAL  Mr;  Titmouse's  REPORTED 

Speech.  Speech. 

"GENTLEMEN  :   Most  uncommon.  "Silence  having  been  restored,  Mr. 

unaccustomed    as  I  am   {cheers}—  Titmouse  said  that  he  feared  it  was 

happy  — memorable  —  proudest —  but  too  evident  that  he  was  unaccus- 

high    honor — unworthy     {cheering)  tomed  to  scenes  so  exciting  as  the 

—day  of  my   life— important    crisis  present  one— that  was  one  source  of 

— {cheers)— <lay    gone    by,   and  m  his  embarrassment;  but  the  greatest 

rived— too      late      {cheering} — civil  was  the  enthusiastic  reception  with 

and   religious   liberty    all    over    the  which  he  was  honored,  and  of  which 

world  {immense  cheering,  led  off  by  he    owned  himself   quite    unworthy 

Air.  Mudflint}.      Yes,    gentlemen-  {cheers}.     He  agreed  with  the  gen 

I   would  observe — it  is  unnecess#ry  tleman  who  had  proposed  him  in  so 

to  say— passing  of  that  truly  glori-  very   able    and    powerful    a    speech 

ous       Bill — charter— no      mistake—  {cheers),  that  we  had  arrived  at  a 

Britons   never  shall   be  slaves    {en-  crisis  in  our  national  history  {cheer- 


3i6 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


thusiastic  cheers') — Gentlemen,  un- 
accustomed as  I  am  to  address  an 
assembly  of  this — a-heni !  (hear! 
hear!  hear!  and  cheers) — civil  and 
religious  liberty  all  over  the  world 
(cheers)— yet  the  tongue  can  feel 
where  the  heart  can  not  express  the 

(cheers') — so  help  me !  universal 

suffrage  and  cheap  and  enlightened 
equality  (cries  of  '  Thafs  it,  lad!) 
— which  can  never  fear  to  see  estab- 
lished in  this  country — (cheers) — if 
only  true  to — industrious  classes  and 
corn-laws — yes,  gentlemen,  I  say 

corn-laws — for  I  am  of  op (hush! 

cries  of  '  Aye,  lad,  what  dost  say 
about  THEM?')  working  outtheprin- 
ciples  which  conduced  to  the  estab- 
lishment a — a — a — civil  and  religious 
liberty  of  the  press !  (cheers!)  and 
the  working  classes  (hush!). — Gen- 
tlemen, unaccustomed  as  I  am — well 
— at  any  rate — will  you — I  say — will 
you?  (vehement  cries  of  'No!  No! 
Arez>er!')  unless  you  are  true  to  your- 
selves !  Gentlemen,  without  going 
into— Vote  by  Ballot  (cheers)  and 
quarterly  Parliaments  (loud  cheer- 
ing)— three  polar  stars  of  my  public 
conduct— (here  the  great  central 
banner  was  waved  to  and  fro, 
amidst  enthusiastic  cheering) — and 
reducing  the  over -grown  Church  Es- 
tablishment to  a — difference  between 
me  and  my  honorable  opponent 
(loud  cheers  and  groans')  I  live 
among  you  (cheers) — spend  my 
money  in  the  borough  (cheers) — 
no  business  to  come  here  (No,  no!) 
— right  about,  close  borough, 
(hisses!) — patient  attention,  which 
I  will  not  further  trespass  upon 
(hear!  hear!  and  loud  cheering) — 
full  explanation — rush  early  to  the 
— base,  bloody,  and  brutal  (cheers) — 
poll  triumphant — extinguish  forever 
(cheers).  Gentlemen,  these  are  my 
sentiments — wish  you  many  happy 
— re — hem  !  a-hem — and  by  early  dis- 
playing a  determination  to — (cries 
of*  We  will!  we  will!')— eyes  of  the 


ing)— a  point  at  which  it  would  be 
ruin  to  go  back,  while  to  stand  still 
was  impossible  (cheers) ;  and,  there- 
fore, there  was  nothing  for  it  but  to 
go  forward  (great  cheering').  He 
looked  upon  the  passing  of  the  Bill 
for  giving  Everybody  Everything,  as 
establishing  an  entirely  new  order 
of  things  (cheers),  in  which  the 
people  had  been  roused  to  a  sense 
of  their  being  the  only  legitimate- 
source  of  power  (cheering).  They 
had,  like  Samson,  tho  weakened 
by  the  cruelty  and  torture  of  his 
tyrants,  bowed  down  and  broken 
into  pieces  the  gloomy  fabric  of 
aristocracy.  The  words  'Civil  and 
Religious  Liberty'  were  now  no 
longer  a  by-word  and  a  reproach 
(cheers');  but,  as  had  been  finely 
observed  by  the  gentleman  who  had 
so  eloquently  proposed  him  to  their 
notice,  the  glorious  truth  had  gone 
forth  to  the  ends  of  the  earth,  that 
no  man  was  under  any  responsibility 
for  his  opinions  or  his  belief,  any 
more  than  for  the  shape  of  his  nose 
(loud  cheers).  A  spirit  of  tolerance, 
amelioration,  and  renovation  was 
now  abroad,  actively  engaged  in  re- 
pairing our  defective  and  dilapida- 
ted constitution,  the  relic  of  a  bar- 
,barous  age — with  some  traces  of 
modern  beauty,  but  more  of  an- 
cient ignorance  and  unsightliness 
(cheers).  The  great  Bill  he  alluded 
to  had  roused  the  masses  into  po- 
litical being  (immense  cheering) 
and  made  them  sensible  of  the 
necessity  of  keeping  down  a  rapa- 
cious and  domineering  oligarchy 
(groans).  Was  not  the  liberty  of 
the  press  placed  now  upon  an  intel- 
ligible and  imperishable  basis? — 
Already  were  its  purifying  and 
invigorating  influences  perceptible, 
(cheering) — and  he  trusted  that  it 
would  never  cease  to  direct  its  pow- 
erful energies  to  the  demolition  of 
the  many  remaining  barriers  to  the 
improvement  of  mankind  (cheers). 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  317 

whole  country  upon  you — crisis  of  The  corn-laws  must  be  repealed,  the 
our  national  representation— patient  taxes  must  be  lowered,  the  army 
attention— latest  day  of  my  life.—  and  navy  reduced;  vote  by  ballot 
Gentlemen,  yours  truly —  and  universal  suffrage  conceded,  and 

the  quarterly  meeting  of  Parliament 
secured.  Marriage  must  be  no 
longer  fenced  about  by  religious 
ceremonials  {cheers}.  He  found 
that  there  were  three  words  on  his 
banner,  which  were  worth  a  thou- 
sand speeches— Peace,  Retrench- 
ment, Reform — which,  as  had  been 
happily  observed  by  the  gentleman 
who  had  so  ably  proposed  him " 

[And  so  on  for  a  column  more;  in  the  course  of  which  there  were 
really  so  many  flattering  allusions  to  the  opening  speech  of  the  proposer 
of  Titmouse,  that  it  has  often  occurred  to  me  as  probable  that  Mr.  Mud- 
flint  had  supplied  the  above  report  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  speech.] 

Titmouse  continued  to  occupy  his  very  handsome  apartments 
at  the  Albany.  You  might  generally  have  seen  him  about 
ten  o'clock  in  the  morning  (or  say  twelve,  when  his  attend- 
ance was  not  required  upon  committees),  reclining  on  his 
sofa,  enveloped  in  a  yellow  figured  satin  dressing-gown,  smo- 
king an  enormous  hookah ;  with  a  little  table  before  him 
with  a  decanter  of  gin,  cold  water,  and  a  tumbler  or  two 
upon  it.  On  a  large  round  table  near  him  lay  a  great  num- 
ber of  dinner  and  evening  cards,  notes,  letters,  public  and 
private,  vote  papers,  and  Parliamentary  reports.  Beside  him 
on  the  sofa  lay  the  last  number  of  the  Sunday  Flash — to 
which,  and  to  the  Newgate  Calendar,  his  reading  was,  in  fact, 
almost  entirely  confined.  Over  the  mantel-piece  was  a  full- 
length  portrait  of  Titmouse  himself.  His  neck  was  bare,  his 
ample  shirt-collars  being  thrown  down  over  his  shoulders, 
and  his  face  looking  upward.  The  artist  had  labored  hard 
to  give  it  that  fine  indignant  expression  with  which,  in  pic- 
tures of  men  of  genius,  they  are  generally  represented  as  look- 
ing up  toward  the  moon;  but  nature  was  too  strong  for 
him — his  eye  too  accurate,  and  his  brush  too  obedient  to  his 
eye;  so  that  the  only  expression  he  could  bring  out  was  one 
of  innocent  and  stupid  wonder.  A  rich  green  mantle  envel- 
oped Titmouse's  figure;  and  amidst  its  picturesque  folds 
was  visible  his  left  hand,  holding  them  together,  and  with 
a  glittering  ring  on  the  first  and  last  fingers. 


318  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

In  one  corner  of  the  room,  on  a  table,  were  a  pair  of  foils ; 
and  on  the  ground  near  them,  three  or  four  pairs  of  boxing- 
gloves.  On  another  table  lay  a  guitar — on  another  a  violin ; 
on  both  of  which  delightful  instruments  he  was  taking  al- 
most daily  lessons.  Tho  the  room  was  both  elegantly 
and  expensively  furnished  (according  to  the  taste  of  its 
former  occupant),  it  was  now  redolent — as  were  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse's clothes — of  the  odors  of  tobacco-smoke  and  gin-and- 
water.  Here  it  was  that  Mr.  Titmouse  would  often  spend 
hour  after  hour,  boxing  with  Billy  Bully,  the  celebrated  prize- 
fighter and  pickpocket ;  or,  when  somewhat  far  gone  in  liquor, 
playing  cribbage  or  put  with  his  valet — an  artful,  impudent 
fellow  who  had  gained  influence  over  him. 

As  for  the  House,  Modesty  (the  twin-sister  of  Merit)  kept 
Mr.  Titmouse  for  a  long  time  very  quiet  there.  He  saw  the 
necessity  of  watching  attentively  everything  that  passed 
around  him,  in  order  to  become  practically  familiar  with  the 
routine  of  business,  before  he  ventured  to  step  forward  into 
action  and  distinguish  himself.  He  had  not  been  long,  how- 
ever, thus  prudently  occupied,  when  an  occasion  presented  it- 
self, of  which  he  availed  himself  with  all  the  bold  felicitous 
promptitude  of  genius.  He  suddenly  saw  that  he  should  be 
able  to  bring  into  play  an  early  accomplishment  of  his — 
an  accomplishment  which,  when  acquiring,  how  little  he 
dreamed  to  what  signal  uses  it  might  be  afterward  turned  !  In 
early  life  he  used  to  amuse  himself  by  imitating  the  cries  of 
cats,  the  crowing  of  cocks,  the  squeaking  of  pigs,  the  braying 
of  donkeys,  and  the  yelping  of  curs;  in  which  matters  he 
became  at  length  so  great  a  proficient  as  to  attract  the 
admiring  attention  of  passers-by  and  to  afford  great  amuse- 
ment to  the  circles  in  which  he  visited. 

Now  there  was,  on  a  certain  night,  about  three  months 
after  Titmouse  had  been  in  the  House,  a  kind  of  pitched 
battle  between  the  Ministry  and  their  formidable  opponents ; 
in  which  the  speakers  on  each  side  did  their  best  to  prove 
(and  in  the  opinion  of  many,  successfully}  that  their  oppo- 
nents were  apostates;  utterly  worthless;  destitute  alike  of 
public  and  private  virtue;  unfit  to  govern;  and  unworthy  of 
the  confidence  of  the  country,  which  aforesaid  country  was  in- 
deed in  happy  plight  in  possessing  a  Parliament  unanimous 
in  one  thing  at  least — viz.,  its  own  worthlessness.  My  Lord 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  319 

Bulfinch  rose  late  on  the  third  evening  of  the  debate — never 
had  been  seen  so  full  a  House  during  the  session — and  in  a 
long  and  able  speech  contended  (first)  that  the  opposite 
side  were  selfish,  ignorant,  and  dishonest;  and  (secondly) 
that  the  Ministers  had  only  imitated  their  example.  He  was 
vehemently  cheered  from  time  to  time,  and  sat  down  amidst 
a  tempest  of  applause. 

Up  then  rose  the  ex-Minister  and  leader  of  the  opposition, 
and  in  a  very  few  moments  there  was  scarce  a  sound  to  be 
heard,  except  the  delicious  voice — at  once  clear,  harmonious, 
distinct  in  utterance,  and  varied  in  intonation — of  incom- 
parably the  finest  Parliamentary  orator  of  the  day,  Mr. 
VIVID. 

After  a  two  hours'  speech,  of  uncommon  power  and  bril- 
liance, Mr.  Vivid  wound  up  with  a  rapid  and  striking  recapit- 
ulation of  the  leading  points  of  his  policy  when  in  .power, 
which,  he  contended,  were  in  triumphant  contrast  with  those 
of  his  successors,  which  were  wavering,  inconsistent,  perilous 
to  every  national  interest,  and  in  despicable  subservience  to 
the  vilest  and  lowest  impulses.  "And  now,  sir,"  said  Mr. 
Vivid,  turning  to  the  Speaker,  and  then  directing  a  bold  and 
indignant  glance  of  defiance  at  Lord  Bulfinch,  "does  the 
noble  lord  opposite  talk  of  impeachment?  I  ask  him  in  the 
face  of  this  House,  and  of  the  whole  country,  whose  eyes  are 
fixed  upon  it  with  anxiety  and  agitation,  will  he  presume  to 
repeat  his  threat?  or  will  any  one  on  his  behalf!  Sir,  I 
pause  for  a  reply!" — And  he  did — several  seconds  elapsing  in 
dead  silence,  which  was  presently,  however,  broken  in  a  man- 
ner that  was  perfectly  unprecedented,  and  most  astound- 
ing. 'Twas  a  reply  to  his  question ;  but  such  as,  had  he  an- 
ticipated it,  he  would  never  have  put  the  question,  or  paused 
for  its  answer. 

"Cock-a-doodle-do-o-o-of"  issued,  with  inimitable  fidelity  of 
tone  and  manner,  from  immediately  behind  Lord  Bulfinch, 
who  started  from  his  seat  as  if  he  had  been  shot.  Every  one 
started;  Mr.  Vivid  recoiled  a  pace  or  two  from  the  table — 
and  then  a  universal  peal  of  laughter  echoed  from  all  quar- 
ters of  the  House,  not  excepting  even  the  strangers'  gallery. 
The  Speaker  was  convulsed  and  could  not  rise  to  call  "or- 
der." Lord  Bulfinch  laughed  himself  almost  into  fits;  even 
those  immediately  behind  Mr.  Vivid  were  giving  way  to  un- 


320 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


controllable  laughter,  at  so  comical  and  monstrous  an  issue. 
Vivid  himself  tried  for  a  moment  to  join  in  the  laugh,  but  in 
vain;  he  was  terribly  disconcerted  and  confounded.  This 
frightful  and  disgusting  incident  had  done  away  with  the 
effect  of  his  whole  speech;  and  in  twenty -four  hours'  time 


—  The  .speaker  was 
Convulsed  and  could 
not  rise  to  call  "order  • 


the   occurrence    would  be  exciting  laughter  and  derision  in 
every  corner  of  the  kingdom. 

"  Order !   order !   order ! "  cried  the    Speaker,    his    face   red 
and   swollen    with    scarce    subdued    laughter.     Several  times 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  321 

Mr.  Vivid  attempted  to  resume,  only,  however,  occasioning 
renewed  laughter.  Still  he  persevered,  and,  with  much  pres- 
ence of  mind,  made  a  pointed  and  witty  allusion  to  Rome 
saved  by  the  cackling  of  a  goose,  in  which  manner  he  said 
the  Ministers  hoped  that  night  to  be  saved.  'Twas,  however, 
plainly  useless;  and  after  a  moment  or  two's  pause  of  ir- 
resolution, yielding  to  his  fate,  with  visible  vexation  he  ab- 
ruptly concluded  his  observations,  gathered  hastily  together 
his  papers,  and  resumed  his  seat  and  his  hat — a  signal  for 
renewed  laughter  and  triumphant  cheering  from  the  minis- 
terial side  of  the  House.  'Twas  my  friend  Mr.  Titmouse  that 
had  worked  this  wonder  and  entirely  changed  the  fate  of  the 
day.  The  debate  came  abruptly  to  a  close,  and  the  opposi- 
tion were  beaten  by  a  majority  of  a  hundred  and  thirty— 
which  really  looked  something  like  a  working  majority. 

This  happy  occurrence  at  once  brought  Mr.  Titmouse  into 
notice  and  very  great  favor  with  his  party.  Well,  indeed,  it 
might,  for  he  had  become  a  most  powerful  auxiliary,  and 
need  it  be  added  how  dreaded  and  detested  he  was  by  their 
opponents?  How  could  it  be  otherwise,  when  even  their 
leading  speakers— who  could  scarcely  ever  afterward  venture 
on  anything  a  little  out  of  the  common  way,  a  little  higher 
flight  than  usual — were  in  momentary  apprehension  of  being 
suddenly  brought  down  by  some  such  disgusting  and  ludicrous 
interruption  as  the  one  I  have  mentioned,  indicating  the  effect 
which  the  speaker  was  producing  upon — a  cat,  a  donkey,  a 
cock,  or  a  puppy?  Ah,  me!  what  a  sheep's-eye  each  of  them 
cast,  as  he  went  on,  toward  Titmouse?  And  if  ever  he  was 
observed  to  be  absent,  there  was  a  sensible  improvement  in 
the  tone  and  spirit  of  the  opposition  speakers.  The  ministe- 
rial journals  all  over  the  country  worked  the  joke  well ;  and  in 
their  leading  articles  against  any  of  Mr.  Vivid's  speeches,  would 
"sum  up  all  in  one  memorable  word — 'Cock-a-doodle-doo I'" 

As  is  generally  the  case,  the  signal  success  of  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse brought  into  the  field  a  host  of  imitators  in  the  House, 
and  their  performances,  inferior  tho  they  were,  becoming 
more  and  more  frequent,  gave  quite  a  new  character  to  the 
proceedings  of  that  dignified  deliberative  assembly.  At  length, 
however,  it  was  found  necessary  to  pass  a  resolution  of  the 
House  against  such  practises;  and  it  was  entered  on  the 
journals  that  henceforth  no  honorable  member  should  inter- 


322  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

rupt  business  by  whistling,  singing,  or  imitating  the  sounds 
of  animals  or  making  any  other  disgusting  noise  whatsoever. 
The  political  importance  thus  acquired  by  Mr.  Titmouse — 
and  which  he  enjoyed  till  the  passing  of  the  above  resolution, 
by  which  it  was  cut  up  root  and  branch — had  naturally  a 
very  elevating  effect  upon  him ;  as  you  might  have  perceived 
had  you  only  once  seen  him  swaggering  along  the  House  to 
his  seat  behind  the  front  Treasury  bench,  dressed  in  his  usual 
style  of  fashion,  and  with  his  quizzing-glass  stuck  into  his 
eye.  His  circle  of  acquaintance  was  extending  every  day; 
he  became  a  very  welcome  guest,  as  an  object  of  real  curios- 
ity. He  was  not  a  man,  however,  to  be  always  enjoying  the 
hospitality  of  others  without  at  least  offering  a  return; 
and  at  the  suggestion  of  an  experienced  friend  in  the  House, 
he  commenced  a  series  of  "Parliamentary  dinners,"  at  the 
Gliddington  Hotel.  They  went  off  with  much  eclat,  and  were 
duly  chronicled  in  the  daily  journals,  as  thus  : 

"On  Saturday,  Mr.  Titmouse,  M.P.,  entertained  (his  third 
dinner  given  this  session),  at  the  Gliddington  Hotel,  the 
following  (amongst  others)  distinguished  members  of  the 
House  of  Commons :  Lord  Nothing  Nowhere,  Sir  Simper 
Silly,  Mr.  Flummery,  Mr.  O'Gibbet,  Mr.  Outlaw,  Lord  Beetle, 
Colonel  Quod,  and  a  dozen  others." 

Mr.  Titmouse,  at  length,  thought  himself  warranted  in 
inviting  Lord  Bulfinch ! — and  the  SPEAKER!! — and  LORD 
FIREBRAND  (the  Foreign  Secretary) ;  all  of  whom,  however, 
very  politely  declined,  pleading  previous  engagements.  I  can 
hardly,  however,  give  Mr.  Titmouse  the  credit  of  these  latter 
proceedings,  which  were,  in  fact,  suggested  to  him,  in  the 
first  instance,  by  two  or  three  young  wags  in  the  House 
(who,  barring  a  little  difference  in  the  way  of  bringing  up, 
were  every  whit  as  great  fools  and  coxcombs  as  himself,  and 
equally  entitled  to  the  confidence  of  their  favored  constitu- 
encies and  of  the  country)  as  so  admirably  calculated  for  the 
purpose  of  practical  legislation,  and  that  remodeling  of  the 
institutions  of  the  country  upon  which  the  new  House  of 
Commons  seemed  bent. 

It  is  not  difficult  to  understand  the  pleasure  which  my  little 
friend  experienced  in  dispensing  the  little  favors  and  cour- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  323 

tesies,  such  as  orders  for  the  gallery,  and  franks,  to  those  who 
applied  for  them;  for  all  his  show  of  feeling  it  a  "bore"  to  be 
asked.  'Twas  these  little  matters  which,  as  it  were,  brought 
home  to  him  a  sense  of  his  dignity,  and  made  him  feel  the 
possession  of  station  and  authority.  I  know  not  but  that 
the  following  application  was  more  gratifying  to  him  than 
any  which  he  received : 

"T.  Tag-rag's  best  respects  to  T.  Titmouse,  Esq.,  M.P., 
and  begs  to  say  how  greatly  he  will  account  ye  favor  of  ob- 
taining an  order  to  be  Admitted  to  the  Gallery  of  the  House 
of  Commons  for  to-morrow  night,  to  hear  the  debate  on  the 
Bill  for  Doing  away  with  the  Nuisance  of  Dustmen's  cries  of 
a  morning. 

"  With    Mrs.   T.'s  &    daughter's    respectful    compts. 

"T.  TITMOUSE,  ESQ.,  M.P." 

On  receiving  this,  Titmouse  looked  out  for  the  finest  sheet 
of  glossy  extra-superfine  gilt  Bath  post,  scented,  and  in  a  fine 
flourishing  hand  wrote  as  follows  : 

"  Please  to  admit  ye  Barer  To  The  Galery  of  The  House  of 
Commons. — T.  TITMOUSE.  Wednesday,  March  6th,  18 — ." 


CHAPTER  XXIV 

SHOWS  HOW  LORD  DREDDLINGTON  SPECULATES  IN  STOCKS  AND 
HOW  THE  HERO  ADVENTURES  IN  MATRIMONY 

TITMOUSE'S  marriage  with  the  Lady  Cecilia  had,  as  usual, 
been  prematurely  announced  in  the  newspapers  several 
times,  as  on  the  eve  of  taking  place.  Their  courtship  went 
on  very  easily  and  smoothly.  Neither  of  them  seemed  anx- 
ious for  the  other's  society,  tho  they  contrived  to  evince,  in 
the  presence  of  others,  a  decent  degree  of  gratification  at 
meeting  each  other.  He  did  all  which  he  was  instructed  it 
was  necessary  for  a  man  of  fashion  to  do.  He  attended  her 
and  the  Earl  to  the  opera  repeatedly,  as  also  to  other  places 
of  fashionable  resort;  he  danced  with  her  occasionally; 
but  to  tell  the  truth,  it  was  only  at  the  vehement  instance 
of  the  Earl,  her  father,  that  she  ever  consented  to  stand  up 
with  one  whose  person,  whose  carriage,  whose  motions  were 
'so  unutterably  vulgar  and  ridiculous  as  those  of  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse, who  was  yet  her  affianced  husband.  He  had  made 
her  several  times  rather  expensive  presents  of  jewelry,  and 
would  have  purchased  for  her  a  great  stock  of  clothing 
(of  which  he  justly  considered  himself  an  excellent  judge)  if 
she  would  have  permitted  it.  He  had,  moreover,  been  a  con- 
stant guest  at  the  Earl's  table,  where  he  was  under  greater 
restraint  than  anywhere  else.  Of  such  indiscretions  and 
eccentricities  as  I  have  just  been  recording,  they  knew,  or  were 
properly  supposed  to  know,  nothing.  'Twas  not  for  them  to 
have  their  eyes  upon  him  while  sowing  his  wild  oats — so 
thought  the  Earl;  who,  however,  had  frequent  occasion  for 
congratulating  himself  in  respect  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  political 
celebrity. 

So  far  as  his  dress  went,  Lady  Cecilia  contrived,  through 
the  interference  of  the  Earl  and  of  Mr.  Gammon  (for  whom 
she  had  conceived  a  singular  respect),  to  abate  a  little  of  its 
fantasic  absurdity  and  execrable  vulgarity.  Nothing,  how- 
ever, seemed  capable  of  effecting  any  material  change  m  the 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  325 

man,  altho  his  continued  intercourse  with  refined  society  could 
hardly  fail  to  effect  some  advantageous  change  in  his  man- 
ners. As  for  anything  further,  Tittlebat  Titmouse  remained 
the  same  vulgar,  heartless,  presumptuous,  ignorant  creature 
he  had  ever  been. 

Many  and  anxious,  it  may  be  easily  believed,  had  been  the 
conferences  and  negotiations  between  the  Earl,  Mr.  Titmouse, 
and  Mr.  Gammon  with  reference  to  the  settlement  to  be 
made  on  Lady  Cecilia.  The  sum  finally  deterrrined  upon 
was  ,£3,000  a-year — surely  a  very  substantial  "consideration 
for  her  "faithful  promise"  to  be  made,  by  and  by,  at  the 
altar — and  which,  moreover,  she  conceived  she  had  a  pros- 
pect of  having  entirely  to  herself — really  "  for  her  separate 
use,  exempt  from  the  control,  debts,  and  engagements  of  her 
said  intended  husband."  I  am  sorry  to  say  that  Lady  Ce- 
cilia clung  to  the  prospect  of  an  almost  immediate  separa- 
tion; which,  she  learned  from  several  confidential  friends, 
some  of  whom  were  qualified  by  personal  experience  to  offer 
an  opinion,  was  a  very  easy  matter  to  secure,  becoming 
daily  more  frequently  granted  on  the  ground  of  incompat- 
ibility of  temper. 

The  Earl  was  also  greatly  supported,  at  this  period  of  vexa- 
tion and  disappointment,  by  the  manly  and  indignant  sym- 
pathy of— Mr.  Gammon,  who  had  succeeded  in  gaining  a  pro- 
digious ascendency  over  the  Earl,  who,  on  the  sudden  death 
of  his  own  solicitor,  adopted  Gammon  in  his  stead;  and  in- 
finitely rejoiced  his  lordship  was  to  have  thus  secured  the 
services  of  one  who  possessed  an  intellect  at  once  so  practical, 
masterly,  and  energetic ;  who  had  formed  so  high  an  estimate 
of  his  lordship's  powers;  and  whom  his  lordship's  condescend- 
ing familiarity  never  for  one  moment  caused  to  lose  sight  of 
the  vast  distance  and  difference  between  them.  He  appeared, 
moreover,  to  act  between  Titmouse  and  the  Earl  with  the 
scrupulous  candor  and  fidelity  of  a  high-minded  person,  con- 
sciously placed  in  a  situation  of  peculiar  delicacy  and  responsi- 
bility. At  the  least,  he  seemed  exceedingly  anxious  to  secure 
Lady  Cecilia's  interests;  and  varied—or  appeared  to  vary— 
the  arrangements  according  to  every  suggestion  of  his  lord- 
ship. The  Earl  was  satisfied  that  Gammon  was  disposed  to 
make  Titmouse  go  much  further  toward  meeting  the  Earl's 
wishes  in  the  matter  of  the  settlements  than  of  his  own 


326  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

accord  he  would  have  felt  disposed  to  go;  in  fact,  Gammon 
evinced  great  anxiety  to  place  her  ladyship  in  that  position 
to  which  her  high  pretensions  so  justly  entitled  her. 

But  this  was  not  the  only  mode  by  which  he  augmented 
and  secured  his  influence  over  the  weak  old  peer.  He  had 
enabled  his  lordship,  as  it  were,  "to  strike  a  blow  in  a  new 
hemisphere,"  and  at  once  evince  his  fitness  for  the  conduct 
of  important  and  complicated  affairs  of  business,  and  ac- 
quire an  indefinite  augmentation  of  fortune  and  also  great 
influence  and  popularity. 

England,  about  the  time  I  am  speaking  of,  was  smitten 
with  a  sort  of  mercantile  madness,  which  showed  itself  in  the 
shape  of  a  monstrous  passion  for  JOINT-STOCK  COMPANIES. 
John  Bull  all  of  a  sudden  took  it  into  his  head  that  no 
commercial  undertaking  of  the  least  importance  could  any 
longer  be  carried  on  by  means  of  individual  energy,  capital, 
and  enterprise.  He  discovered  that  he  had  had  a  glimmer- 
ing of  this  great  truth  from  the  first  moment  that  a  private 
partnership  had  been  adopted;  and  it  remained  only  to 
follow  out  the  principle — to  convert  a  private  into  a  public 
partnership  and  call  it  a  "joint-stock  company."  This  bright 
idea  of  John's  produced  prompt  and  prodigious  results — a 
hundred  joint-stock  companies  "rose  like  an  exhalation"  in  the 
metropolis  alone,  within  one  twelvemonth's  time. 

Into  affairs  of  this  description,  Mr.  Gammon,  who  soon 
saw  the  profit  to  be  made  out  of  them,  if  skilfully  worked, 
plunged  with  the  energy  and  excitement  of  a  gamester.  He 
drew  in  Mr.  Quirk  after  him;  and  as  they  could  together 
command  the  ears  of  several  enterprising  capitalists  in  the 
City,  they  soon  had  their  hands  full  of  business,  and  launched 
two  or  three  very  brilliant  speculations.  Mr.  Gammon  himself 
drew  up  their  " prospectuses '/'and  in  a  style  which  must  have 
tempted  the  very  devil  himself  into  venturing  half  his  capital 
in  the  undertaking!  One  was  a  scheme  for  obtaining ////-<? 
fresh  water  from  the  SEA,  and  converting  the  salt  or  brine 
thrown  off  in  the  operation  instanter  into  gunpowder!  This 
undertaking  was  the  first  that  Gammon  brought  under  the 
notice  of  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington,  whom  he  so  completely 
dazzled  by  his  description,  both  of  the  signal  service  to  be 
conferred  upon  the  country  and  the  princely  revenue  to  be 
derived  from  it  to  those  early  entering  into  the  speculation, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  327 

that  his  lordship  intimated  rather  an  anxious  wish  to  be 
connected  with  it. 

.  "Good  gracious,  sir !"  said  his  lordship,  with  an  air  of  won- 
der, "  to  what  a  pitch  is  science  advancing !  When  will  human 
ingenuity  end?  Sir,  I  doubt  not  that  one  of  these  days 
everything  will  be  found  out!" 

"  Certainly — I  feel  the  full  force  of  your  lordship's  very 
striking  observation,"  replied  Gammon,  who  had  listened  to 
him  with  an  air  of  delighted  deference. 

"  Sir,  this  is  a  truly  astonishing  discovery !  Yet,  I  give 
you  my  honor,  sir,  I  have  often  thought  that  something  of 
the  kind  was  very  desirable,  as  far  as  the  obtaining  fresh 
water  from  salt  water  was  concerned,  and  I  have  wondered 
whether  it  could  ever  be  practicable  :  but  I  protest  the  latter 
part  of  the  discovery— the  conversion  of  the  brine  into  gun- 
powder— is — is — sir,  I  say  it  is— astounding;  it  is  more;  it  is 
very  interesting,  in  a  picturesque  and  patriotic  point  of 
view.  Only  think,  sir,  of  our  vessels  gathering  gunpowder 
and  fresh  water  from  the  sea  they  are  sailing  over !  Sir,  the 
discovery  deserves  a  subsidy !  This  must  in  due  time  be 
brought  before  Parliament."  His  lordship  got  quite  excited; 
and  Gammon,  watching  his  opportunity,  intimated  the  pride 
and  pleasure  it  would  give  him  to  make  his  lordship  the  pa- 
tron of  the  gigantic  undertaking. 

"  Sir — sir — you  do  me — infinite  honor,"  quoth  the  Earl, 
quite  flustered  by  the  suddenness  of  the  proposal. 

"As  there  will  be,  of  course,  your  lordship  sees,  several 
great  capitalists  concerned,  I  must  for  form's  sake  consult 
them  before  any  step  is  taken ;  but  I  flatter  myself,  my  lord, 
that  there  can  be  but  one  opinion,  when  I  name  to  them  the 
possibility  of  our  being  honored  with  your  lordship's  name 
and  influence." 

Out  went  forthwith,  all  over  the  country,  the  advertisements 
and  prospectuses  of  the  new  company,  which  could  boast 
such  commanding  names  as  cast  most  of  its  sister  companies 
into  the  shade— e.g.,  "The  Right  Honorable  the  Earl  of 
DREDDLINGTON,  G.C.B.,  F.R.S.,  F.A.S.,  etc.,  etc.;"  "The 
most  Noble  the  DUKE  of  TANTALLAN,  K.T.,  etc.,  etc. ;"  "  The 
Most  Honorable  the  MARQUESS  of  MARMALADE,  etc.,  etc.,  etc." 
The  capital  to  be  one  million,  in  ten  thousand  shares  of  one 
hundred  pounds  each.  Lord  Dreddlington  was  presented  with 


328  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

a  hundred  shares  as  a  mark  of  respect  and  gratitude  from 
the  leading  shareholders;  moreover,  his  lordship  took  two 
hundred  shares  besides,  and  prevailed  on  various  of  his 
friends  to  do  the  same. 

In  less  than  three  weeks'  time  the  shares  had  risen  to  ^"40 
premium,  and  then  Mr.  Gammon  so  represented  matters  to  his 
lordship  as  to  induce  him  to  part  with  his  shares,  which  he 
found  no  difficulty  in  doing — and  thereby  realize  a  clear  profit 
of  £i  2,000.  This  seemed  to  the  Earl  rather  the  effect  of  magic 
than  of  an  every-day  mercantile  adventure.  His  respect  for 
Gammon  rose  with  everything  he  heard  of  that  gentleman, 
or  saw  him  do;  and  his  lordship  allowed  himself  to  be  im- 
plicitly guided  by  him  in  all  things.  Under  his  advice,  ac- 
cordingly, the  Earl  became  interested  in  several  other  similar 
speculations.  Several  of  his  friends  cautioned  him,  now  and 
then,  against  committing  himself  to  such  novel  and  ex- 
tensive speculations,  in  which  he  might  incur,  he  was  re- 
minded, dangerous  liabilities ;  but  his  magnificent  reception  of 
such  interference  soon  caused  their  discontinuance.  The  Earl 
felt  himself  safe  in  the  hands  of  Mr.  Gammon,  forming  an 
equal  and  a  very  high  estimate  of  his  ability  and  integrity. 

His  lordship's  attention  having  been  thus  directed  to  such 
subjects — to  the  mercantile  interests  of  this  great  country — 
he  soon  began  to  take  a  vast  interest  in  the  discussion  of 
such  subjects  in  the  House,  greatly  to  the  surprise  and  edifi- 
cation of  many  of  his  brother  peers.  Absorbing,  however, 
as  were  these  and  similar  occupations,  they  were  almost 
altogether  suspended  as  soon  as  a  day — and  that  not  a  dis- 
tant one— had  been  fixed  upon  for  the  marriage  of  his  daugh- 
ter with  Mr.  Titmouse.  From  that  moment  the  old  man 
could  scarcely  bear  her  out  of  his  presence,  following  and 
watching  all  her  movements  with  a  peculiar,  tho  still  a  state- 
ly solicitude  and  tenderness.  Frequent,  earnest,  and  digni- 
fied were  his  interviews  with  Titmouse — his  representations 
as  to  the  invaluable  treasure  that  was  about  to  be  intrusted 
to  him  in  the  Lady  Cecilia — the  last  direct  representative 
of  the  most  ancient  noble  family  in  the  kingdom. 

Early  in  the  forenoon  of  Tuesday,  the  i  st  of  April,  1 8—, 
there  were  indications  in  the  neighborhood  of  Lord  Dreddling- 
ton's  house  in  Grosvenor  Square  that  an  aristocratic  wedding 
was  about  to  be  celebrated.  Lady  Cecilia's  bridesmaids, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A   YEAR  329 

and  one  or  two  other  ladies,  the  Duke  and  Duchess  of  Tan- 
tallan,  and  a  few  others  who  were  to  accompany  the  party 
to  church,  made  their  appearance  about  eleven  o'clock;  and 
shortly  afterward  dashed  up  Mr.  Titmouse's  cab,  in  which 
sat  that  gentleman  enveloped  in  a  magnificent  green  cloak, 
which  concealed  the  splendor  of  his  personal  appearance. 
He  had  been  engaged  at  his  toilet  since  five  o'clock  that 
morning,  and  the  results  were  not  unworthy  of  the  pains 
which  had  been  taken  to  secure  them.  Tho  he  tried  to  look 
at  his  ease,  his  face  was  rather  pale  and  his  manner  a  little 
flurried.  As  for  the  bride — she  had  slept  scarcely  a  quarter 
of  an  hour  the  whole  night.  When  at  length  she  had  com- 
pleted her  toilet,  what  a  figure  did  her  cheval-glass  present 
to  her !  The  dress — rich  white  satin — a  long  and  beautiful 
blond  lace  veil — and  a  delicate  wreath  of  orange-blossoms- 
was  that  of  a  bride,  certainly;  but  was  the  haggard  coun- 
tenance that  of  a  bride?  When,  attended  by  her  bridesmaids 
and  Miss  Macspleuchan,  she  made  her  appearance  in  the  draw- 
ing-room, the  Earl  of  Dreddlington  approached  her  and  sa- 
luted her  with  silent  tenderness.  Then  Titmouse  came  up, 
with  a  would-be  familiar  air — "Hope  you're  quite  well,  clearest, 
this  happy  day,"  said  he,  and  kissed  her  gloved  hand.  She 
made  him  no  reply,  stepped  back,  and  sank  upon  the  sofa; 
and  presently  the  carriages  were  announced  to  be  in  readiness. 
The  Earl  led  her  down,  followed  by  her  two  bridesmaids, 
and  entered  the  first  carriage,  which  then  drove  off  to  St. 
George's  Church;  Titmouse  and  the  rest  of  the  party  im- 
mediately following.  The  ceremony  was  performed  by  the 
Bishop  of  Barnard-Castle,  an  old  friend  and  indeed  a  dis- 
tant relation  of  Lord  Dreddlington's.  Titmouse  was  pale 
and  flushed  by  turns,  and  looked  frightened— behaving,  how- 
ever, with  more  sedateness  than  I  should  have  expected. 
Lady  Cecilia  leaned,  when  she  could,  against  the  rails;  and 
repeated  her  few  allotted  words  in  a  voice  scarcely  audible. 
When  Titmouse  affixed  the  ring  upon  her  finger,  she  trembled 
and  shed  tears— averting  her  countenance  from  him,  and  at 
length  concealing  it  entirely  in  her  pocket-handkerchief.  She 
looked  indeed  the  image  of  misery.  The  Earl  of  Dreddlington 
maintained  a  countenance  of  rigid  solemnity. 

A  splendid  dejeuner  &  la  fourchette  was  prepared,  and  a  very 
brilliant  party  attended  to  pay  their  respects  to  the  bride  and 


aa  A& 

mtm     ^ 


w./O'fe  .B&.w,-^  > 

^fm^lr3^ 

fl61>SM»'    n,'1'       'H 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  331 

bridegroom  and  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington ;  and  about  two 
o'clock  the  Lady  Cecilia  withdrew  to  prepare  for  her  journey, 
which  was  to  Poppleton  Hall,  her  father's  residence  in  Hert- 
fordshire, where  they  were  to  spend  their  honeymoon.  She 
had  never  shown  so  much  emotion  in  her  life  as  when  she 
parted  with  Miss  Macspleuchan  and  her  bridesmaids — being 
several  times  on  the  verge  of  hysterics.  Mr.  Titmouse's  trav- 
eling chariot — a  dashing  chocolate-colored  one,  with  four 
horses — stood  at  the  door,  her  ladyship's  maid  and  his 
valet  seated  in  the  rumble.  Some  hundred  people  stood 
round  to  see  the  happy  pair  set  off  on  their  journey  of  hap- 
piness. 

The  Earl  led  down  Lady  Cecilia,  followed  by  Titmouse, 
who  had  exchanged  his  hat  for  a  gaudy  traveling-cap  with 
a  gold  band  round  it !  Lady  Cecilia,  with  drooping  head 
and  feeble  step,  suffered  the  Earl,  whom  she  kissed  fervently, 
to  place  her  in  the  chariot,  when  she  burst  into  a  flood  of 
tears.  Then  Mr.  Titmouse  shook  hands  cordially  with  his 
distinguished  father-in-law — popped  into  the  chariot — the  steps 
were  doubled  up — the  door  closed — the  side-blinds  were  drawn 
down  by  Mr.  Titmouse;  "All's  right!"  cried  one  of  the  ser- 
vants, and  away  rolled  the  carriage-and-four,  which,  quicken- 
ing its  speed,  was  soon  out  of  sight.  Lady  Cecilia  remained 
in  a  sort  of  stupor  for  some  time,  and  sat  silent  and  motion- 
less in  the  corner  of  the  chariot ;  but  Titmouse  had  now  be- 
come lively  enough,  having  had  the  benefit  of  some  dozen 
glasses  of  champagne. 

"Ah,  my  lovely  gal — dearest  gal  of  my  heart !"  he  exclaimed 
fondly,  at  the  same  time  kissing  her  cold  cheeks  and  put- 
ting his  arm  round  her  waist,  "  now  you're  all  my  own ! 
Ton  my  soul,  isn't  it  funny?  We're  man  and  wife!  By 
Jove,  I  never  loved  you  so  much  as  now,  ducky  !  eh?"  Again 
he  pressed  his  lips  to  her  cold  cheek. 

"Don't,  don't,  I  beg,"  said  she  faintly,  "I'm  not  well;" 
and  she  feebly  tried  to  disengage  herself  from  his  rude  and 
boisterous  embrace :  while  her  drooping  head  and  ashy  cheek 
fully  corroborated  the  truth  of  her  statement.  In  this  state 
she  continued  for  the  whole  of  the  first  stage.  When  they 
stopped  to  change  horses,  says  Titmouse,  starting  up — hav- 
ing very  nearly  dropped  asleep— "Cirely,  as  you're  so  uncom- 
mon ill,  hadn't  you  better  have  your  maid  in,  and  I'll  sit  on 


332  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

tne  box? — It  would  be  a  devilish  deal  more  comfortable  for 
you-eh?" 

"  Oh,  I  should  feel  so  obliged  if  you  would,  Mr.  Titmouse ! " 
she  replied  faintly.  It  was  done  as  she  wished.  Titmouse 
enveloped  himself  in  his  cloak,  and,  having  lit  a  cigar, 
mounted  the  box,  and  smoked  all  the  way  till  they  reached 
the  Hall. 

They  spent  about  a  fortnight  at  Poppleton  Hall,  and  then 
went  on  to  Yatton;  and  if  the  reader  be  at  all  curious  to 
know  how  MR.  AND  LADY  CECILIA  TITMOUSE  commenced 
their  matrimonial  career,  I  am  able,  in  some  measure,  to 
gratify  him,  by  the  sight  of  a  letter  addressed  by  the  Lady 
Cecilia,  some  time  afterward,  to  one  of  her  confidential 
friends : 

"  DEAR  BLANCHE : 

"  *  *  *  Fate  should  have  something  pleasant  in  store  for 
me,  since  it  has  made  me  most  unhappy  now,  but  it  is  some 
consolation  that  I  took  this  step  purely  to  please  my  papa, 
who  seemed  to  think  it  was  a  thing  that  ought  to  be  done  : 
You  know  he  always  fretted  himself  greatly  about  the  divi- 
sion of  the  family  interests,  and  so  on ;  and  when  he  proposed 
to  me  this  truly  unhappy  alliance,  I  supposed  it  was  my 
duty  to  comply,  as  indeed  he  said  it  was.  I  am  sure  but  for 
this  I  should  never  have  dreamed  of  such  a  thing  as  doing 
what  I  did.  If  fate  chose  us  to  come  together,  it  ought 
surely  to  have  better  fitted  us  to  each  other;  for  really, 
dear  Blanche  Centre  nous),  you  cannot  think  what  a  creature 
it  is.  He  has  very  nasty  habits  besides,  namely  picking  his 
teeth,  eating  with  his  knife,  etc.,  etc.,  and  he  is  continually 
running  his  fingers  through  his  horrid  hair,  to  curl  it,  and 
carries  a  comb  with  him,  and  several  times  has  combed 
his  hair  in  the  carriage  just  before  we  got  out  at  the  door 
of  the  place  we  were  to  dine,  and  he  always  takes  too 
much  wine,  and  comes  up  the  very  last  to  the  drawing-room, 
and  sometimes  is  in  such  a  state.  I  am  resolved  I  will  never 
come  home  with  him  from  dinner  again,  even  if  I  ever  go  out 
again  with  him.  He  goes  on  in  such  a  shameful  and  unfeeling 
and  disrespectful  way  before  the  vicar  (Dr.  Tatham,  a  very 
nice  person,  who,  I  am  sure,  by  his  looks,  feels  for  me)  that 
Dr.  T.  will  scarcely  ever  come  near  us  under  one  pretense  or 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  333 

another.  I  am  sorry  to  tell  you  Mr.  Titmouse  has  no  more 
sense  of  religion  than  a  cat  or  a  dog,  and  I  understand  he 
has  left  a  great  many  of  his  election  bills  unpaid  (so  that 
he  is  very  unpopular)  and  positively,  dear  Blanche !  the  dia- 
mond spray  the  creature  bought  me  turns  out  to  be  only 
paste! !  He  never  goes  to  church,  and  has  got  up  one  or 
two  dog-fights  in  the  village,  and  he  is  hated  by  the  tenants, 
for  he  is  always  raising  their  rents.  I  forgot  to  mention,  by 
the  way,  he  had  the  monstrous  assurance  one  morning  to 
open  my  letters !— and  said  he  had  a  right  to  do  so,  with 
his  own  wife,  for  we  were  one  (I  hate  to  write  it),  so  I  have 
had  a  letter-bag  of  my  own,  which  is  always  delivered  into  my 
own  room.  O  Heavens  !  the  idea  of  his  succeeding  to  the  bar- 
ony !  but  to  be  sure  you  have  no  notion  how  hard  he  lives  : 
and  (Centre  nous)  the  other  day  the  doctor  was  called  in  to 
him  and  had  to  put  leeches  on  his  head,  and  certainly  (Centre 
nous,  dearest  B.)  I  understand  such  things  sometimes  do  of- 
ten lead  to  very  sad  results,  but,  however,  he  certainly  seems 
better  now.  My  papa  knows  nothing  of  all  this  yet,  but  he 
soon  must,  and  I  am  confident  a  separation  must  ensue, 
or  I  shall  die  or  go  mad.  Oh,  how  thankful  I  should  *  *  *  ! 
But  I  could  fill  two  or  three  sheets  more  in  this  way,  and 
yet  I  have  not  told  you  a  hundredth  part  of  his  gaucheries, 
but  really  you  must  be  quite  sick  of  hearing  of  them.  If  he 
will  but  leave  me  here  when  he  goes  up  to  town,  you  will 
surely  pay  me  your  promised  visit — and  I  will  tell  you  many 
more  miserable  things.  In  the  mean  while,  O  dearest  B., 
how  I  envy  you  being  single,  and  wish  I  were  so  again!  — 
Be  sure  you  burn  this  when  you  have  read  it— and  believe  me, 
your  unhappy  CECILIA." 

A  dull  and  phlegmatic  disposition,  like  that  of  Lady  Cecil- 
ia, must  have  been  roused  and  stung,  indeed,  before  she  could 
have  attained  to  such  bitterness  of  expression  as  is  occa- 
sionally to  be  met  with  in  the  above  communication.  Tho  it 
shadows  forth,  with  painful  distinctness,  several  of  the  dis- 
advantageous features  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  character  and  con- 
duct, there  were  far  darker  ones,  with  which  its  miserable 
writer  had  not  then  become  acquainted.  I  shall  but  hastily 
glance  at  one  of  them ;  viz.,  that  he  was  at  that  moment  keep 
ing  a  mistress  in  town,  and  commencing  the  seduction  of  a 


334  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

farmer's  daughter  in  the  neighborhood  of  Yatton !  Execra- 
ble little  miscreant! — why  should  I  defile  my  paper  by  further 
specifying  his  gross  misdeeds,  or  dwelling  upon  their  sickening 
effects  on  the  mind  and  feelings  of  the  weak  woman  who 
could  suffer  herself  to  be  betrayed  into  such  a  union  ? — But  is 
she  the  only  one  that  has  done  so? 

Had  Lady  Cecilia  been  a  woman  of  acute  perceptions  or 
lively  sensibilities,  she  must  have  fled  from  her  sufferings- 
she  must  have  gone  mad  or  committed  suicide.  As  it  was,  dull 
as  was  her  temperament,  when  the  more  odious  points  of 
Titmouse's  character  and  habits  were  forced  upon  her  notice 
by  the  close  and  constant  contiguity  of  daily  intercourse, 
the  reflection  that  such  must  be  the  case  for  the  remainder  of 
their  lives  became  even  hourly  more  intolerable  and  roused 
into  existence  feelings  of  active  hatred  and  disgust;  she 
became  hourly  more  alive  to  the  real  horrors  of  her  position. 
The  slender  stay  she  had  sought  for  in  the  reflection  that 
she  had  incurred  all  by  a  dutiful  submission  to  her  father's 
wishes,  quickly  gave  way;  she  knew  that  it  was  false! 

As  for  Titmouse,  he  had  never  cared  one  straw  about  any- 
thing beyond  becoming  the  husband  of  the  future  Baroness 
of  Drelincourt — and  that  on  account  not  merely  of  the  dig- 
nity and  splendor  conferred  upon  him  by  such  an  alliance 
with  the  last  remaining  member  of  the  elder  branch  of  his 
ancient  family,  but  also  because  of  the  grave  and  repeated 
assurances  of  Mr.  Gammon  that  it  was  in  some  mysterious 
way  essential  to  the  tenure  of  his  own  position.  He  made 
no  secret  at  all  in  his  own  peculiar  visiting  circles  of  his  wishes 
that  the  Earl's  increasing  age  and  infirmities  might  quicken, 
and  ,Lady  Cecilia's  apparently  delicate  health  decline  apace — 
and  thus  accelerate  the  accession  of  Mr.  Titmouse  to  the 
barony  of  Drelincourt. 

After  they  had  spent  about  a  month  at  Yatton,  his  urgent 
Parliamentary  duties  required  Mr.  Titmouse  to  tear  himself 
from  that  lovely  seclusion — that  "  bower  of  bliss" — and  re- 
sume his  arduous  post  in  the  House.  Tho  Lady  Cecilia  would 
have  vastly  preferred  being  left  behind  at  Yatton,  decency 
seemed  to  require  that  the  bride  and  bridegroom  should  make 
their  reappearance  in  the  world  jointly,  and  she  was  there- 
fore compelled  to  accompany  him  to  town;  and  they  were 
very  soon  duly  established  in  his  new  residence  in  Park  Lane. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  335 

In  a  moment  they  were  both  in  the  great  whirling  world  of 
fashion.  Lord  Dreddlington  gave  a  series  of  dinner  parties 
on  their  account,  as  did  several  of  their  distinguished  kins- 
folk and  friends;  and  in  due  time  their  hospitalities  were  re- 
turned by  Mr.  Titmouse.  His  first  dinner  party  went  off 
with  great  eclat,  no  fewer  than  four  peers  of  the  realm,  with 
their  ladies,  being  among  his  guests.  Mr.  Titmouse  led  down 
to  dinner  the  gigantic  Duchess  of  Tantallan,  blazing  with  dia- 
monds, his  Grace  the  Duke  bringing  up  the  rear  with  the 
Lady  Cecilia — and  the  splendid  affair  was  duly  announced 
the  ensuing  morning  in  the  obsequious  columns  of  the  Aurora. 

For  some  little  time  Mr.  Titmouse  occupied  his  novel  and 
dazzling  position  with  an  approach  toward  decorum  and  self- 
denial;  but,  as  he  became  familiar  with  it,  his  old  tastes 
revived — and  Lady  Cecilia  and  her  friends  were  gratified, 
for  instance,  while  in  the  drawing-room  after  dinner,  by  catch- 
ing occasional  sounds  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  celebrated  imitations 
of  animals,  which  once  or  twice,  when  considerably  elevated, 
he  insisted  upon  giving  on  his  re-entering  the  drawing-room ! 
Indeed,  he  spared  no  pains  to  acquire  the  power  of  pleasing 
society  by  the  display  of  rare  accomplishments;  for  which 
purpose  he  took  lessons  every  other  day  in  the  art  diabolic — 
i.e.  in  conjuring;  in  which  he  soon  became  an  expert  proficient, 
and  could  play  marvelous  tricks  upon  cards  and  with  dice, 
eat  pocket-handkerchiefs,  cause  wine-glasses  visibly  to  sink 
through  solid  tables,  and  perform  sundry  other  astounding 
feats. 


CHAPTER  XXV 

DESCRIBES   THE    IMPOTENT    RAGE   OF   THE    HERO   AT   A    MOST 

EXTRAORDINARY  DEMAND  BY  MR.  GAMMON,  AND  HIS 

VAIN  ATTEMPT  AT  RESISTANCE  AGAINST  IT 

IT  was  about  half-past  eleven  o'clock  one  day  toward  the 
latter  end  of  June  that  Mr.  Titmouse,  having  finished  break- 
fast, had  entered  his  library  to  enjoy  undisturbed  the  luxury 
of  his  hookah.  He  had  just  leaned  back  his  head,  and  with 
an  air  of  tranquil  enjoyment  very  slowly  expelled  a  mouthful 
of  smoke,  when  a  servant  announced  the  arrival  of  a  visitor 
— Mr.  Gammon. 

"How  d'ye  do,  Gammon! — early,  eh?"  commenced  Tit- 
mouse without  stirring,  and  with  infinite  composure  and  20;.- 
chalance. 

"  My  dear  sir,"  began  Gammon,  abruptly,  with  a  most 
serious  countenance,  "  I  am  now  about  to  make  a  communi- 
cation to  you,  which  you  will  never  forget  to  the  day  of 
your  death.  Are  you  prepared  to  receive  it?" 

"  Oh,  yes  !  — Never  so  wide  awake  in  my  life  !  O  Lord  !  fire 
away- — ' 

"Well,  my  dear  Titmouse,  then  I  will  proceed.  I  will  not 
enjoin  you  to  secrecy,  because  you  can  not  disclose  it  to  any 
mortal  man  but  at  the  peril  of  immediate  and  utter  ruin." 

"  'Pon  my  soul,  most  amazing !  Demme,  Mr.  Gammon,  you 
frighten  me  out  of  my  wits!"  said  Titmouse,  turning  paler 
and  paler. 

"  Consider  for  a  moment.  You  are  now  a  member  of  Parlia- 
ment; the  unquestioned  owner  of  a  fine  estate;  the  husband 
of  a  lady  of  very  high  rank — the  last  direct  representative  of 
one  of  the  proudest  and  most  ancient  of  the  noble  families  of 
Great  Britain ;  you  yourself  are  next  but  one  in  succession  to 
almost  the  oldest  barony  in  the  kingdom;  in  fact,  in  all 
human  probability  you  are  the  next  LORD  DRELINCOURT  ;  and 
all  this  through  me"  He  paused. 

"Well — excuse  me,  Mr.  Gammon — but  I  hear;— tho — ahem! 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  337 

you're— meaning  no  offense— I  can't  for  the  life  and  soul  of 
me  tell  what  the  devil  it  is  you're  driving  at,"  said  Titmouse, 
twisting  his  finger  into  his  hair,  and  gazing  at  Gammon  with 
intense  anxiety. 

"  Yet  you  are  really  no  more  entitled  to  be  what  you  seem 
or  to  possess  what  you  at  present  possess — than — the  little 
wretch  that  last  swept  your  chimneys  here!" 

The  hookah  dropped  out  of  Titmouse's  hand  upon  the  floor, 
and  he  made  no  effort  to  pick  it  up,  but  sat  staring  at  Gam- 
mon, with  cheeks  almost  as  white  as  his  shirt-collar,  and  in 
blank  dismay. 

"  I  perceive  that  you  are  agitated,  Mr.  Titmouse,"  said 
Gammon  kindly. 

"By  Jove — I  should  think  so!"  replied  Titmouse  faintly; 
but  he  tried  to  assume  an  incredulous  smile — in  vain,  how- 
ever; and  to  such  a  pitch  had  his  agitation  reached  that  he 
rose,  opened  a  cabinet  near  him,  and  taking  out  from  it 
a  brandy-flask  and  a  wineglass,  poured  it  out  full  and  drank 
it  off.  "You  a'n't  joking,  Mr.  Gammon,  eh?"  Again  he  at- 
tempted a  sickly  smile. 

"  God  forbid,  Mr.  Titmouse  !  " 

"Well— but,"  faltered  Titmouse,  "why  a'n't  I  entitled  to  it 
all!  Hasn't  the  law  given  it  to  me?  And  can't  the  law  do 
as  it  likes?" 

"  No  one  on  earth  knows  the  what  and  the  why  of  this 
matter  but  myself;  and,  if  you  choose,  no  one  ever  shall; 
nay,  I  will  take  care,  if  you  come  this  morning  to  my  terms, 
to  deprive  even  myself  of  all  means  of  proving  what  I  can 
now  prove,  at  any  moment  I  choose." 

"  Lord,  Mr.  Gammon ! "  ejaculated  Titmouse,  passing  his 
hand  hastily  over  his  damp  forehead — his  agitation  visibly 
i  ncreasing.  "  What's  to  be  the  figure  ?  "  he  faltered  presently, 
and  looked  as  if  he  dreaded  to  hear  the  answer. 

"  If  you  mean,  what  are  my  terms — I  will  at  once  tell  you  : 
-they  are  terms  on  which  I  shall  peremptorily  insist;  they 
have  been  long  fixed  in  my  own  mind;  I  am  quite  inflexible; 
so  help  me  Heaven,  I  will  not  vary  from  them  a  hair's-breath. 
I  require  first  to  sit  in  Parliament  for  Yatton  at  the  next 
flection,  and  afterward  alternately  with  yourself;  and  sec- 
ondly, that  you  immediately  grant  me  an  annuity  for  my 
life  of  two  thousand  pounds  a  year  on  your " 

22 


338  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Titmouse  sprang  from  the  sofa,  dashing  his  fist  on  the 
table  and  uttering  a  frightful  imprecation.  He  stood  for  a 
moment,  and  then  threw  himself  desperately  at  full  length 
on  the  sofa,  muttering  the  same  execration  that  had  first 
issued  from  his  lips.  Gammon  moved  not  a  muscle,  but 
fixed  a  steadfast  eye  on  Titmouse;  the  two  might  have  been 
compared  to  the  affrighted  rabbit  and  the  deadly  boa-con- 
strictor. 

"  It's  all  a  swindle !  — a  d d  swindle !  "  at  length  he  ex- 
claimed, starting  up  into  a  sitting  posture,  and  almost  grin- 
ning defiance  at  Gammon. 

"  You're  a  swindler !  "  he  exclaimed  vehemently. 

"Possibly — but  you,  sir,  are  a  BASTARD,"  replied  Gammon 
calmly. 

"It's  a  lie!— It's  all  a  "lie!"  he  gasped. 

"Sir,  you  are  a  bastard"  repeated  Gammon  bitterly,  and 
extending  his  forefinger  threateningly  toward  Titmouse. 
Then  he  added  with  sudden  vehemence :  "  Do  you  presume 
to  tell  me  I  lie?  You  base-born  cur!"  A  lightning  glance 
shot  from  his  eye ;  but  he  restrained  himself.  Titmouse  sat  at 
length  as  if  petrified,  while  Gammon  proceeded :  "  You  the 
owner  of  Yatton?  You  the  next  Lord  Drelincourt  ?  No  more 
than  the  helper  in  your  stables !  One  breath  of  mine  blights 
you  forever — as  an  impostor  to  be  kicked  out  of  society — 
perhaps  to  be  transported  for  life.  Gracious  Heavens !  what 
will  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington  say  when  he  hears  that  his 

sole  daughter  and  heiress  is  married  to  a It  will  kill  him, 

or  he  will  kill  you." 

"Two  can  play  at  that,"  whispered  Titmouse  faintly — in- 
deed almost  inarticulately.  There  was  nearly  a  minute's 
pause. 

"No — but  is  it  all  true? — honor!"  inquired  Titmouse  in  a 
very  subdued  voice. 

"As  God  is  my  witness !  "  replied  Gammon. 

"  Well,"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  after  a  prodigious  sigh,  "  then, 
at  any  rate,  you're  in  for  it  with  me;  you  said  just  now  you'd 
done  it  all.  Ah,  ha !  I  recollect,  Mr.  Gammon !  I  should 
no  more  have  thought  of  it  myself—  Lord !  then — what  d'ye 
say  to  that,  Mr.  Gammon?" 

"Alas,  sir !  it  will  not  avail  you,"  replied  Gammon,  with 
a  fearful  smile;  "for  I  never  made  the  dreadful  discovery  of 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  339 

your  illegitimacy  till  it  was  too  late — till  at  least  two  months 
after  I  had  put  you  into  possession  of  Yatton ! " 

"Ah — I  don't  know — but — why  didn't  you  tell  Lord  Dred- 
dlington?  Why  did  you  let  me  marry  Lady  Cicely?  By 
Jove,  but  it's  you  he'll  kill,"  quoth  Titmouse,  eagerly. 

"Yes!— Alas!  I  ought  to  have  done  so,"  replied  Mr.  Gam- 
mon with  a  profound  sigh.  "  It  may  not  be  too  late  to  make 
his  lordship  some  amends.  I  may  save  his  title  from  deg- 
radation. Lord  Drelincourt — 

"O  Lord!"  ejaculated  Titmouse  involuntarily  and  almost 
unconsciously,  staring  stupidly  at  Gammon,  who  continued, 
with  a  renewed  sigh  :  "  Yes,  I  ought  to  have  told  his  lordship 
— but  I  own — I  was  led  away  by  feelings  of  pity — of  affection 
for  you — and,  alas  !  is  this  the  return  ?" 

"  Well,  you  shouldn't  have  come  down  on  one  so  suddenly 
all  at  once — how  can  a  man — eh?  Such  horrid  news!" 

"  It  has  cost  me,  sir,  infinitely  greater  pain  to  tell  you 
than  it  has  cost  you  to  hear  it!" 

"By  the  living  Jove!"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  starting  up 
with  a  sort  of  recklessness,  and  pouring  out  and  tossing  off  a 
large  glass  of  brandy ;  "it  can't  be  true — it's  all  a  dream ! 
I — I  a'n't — I  can't  be  a  bas —  Perhaps  you're  all  this  while 
the  true  heir,  Mr.  Gammon?"  he  added  briskly,  and  snapped 
his  fingers  at  his  companion. 

"No,  sir,  I  am  not,"  replied  Gammon  calmly;  "but  let  me 
tell  you,  /  know  where  he  is  to  befoiind,  Mr.  Titmouse !  Do  you 
commission  me  to  go  in  search  of  him?"  he  inquired,  suddenly 
fixing  his  bright,  penetrating  eye  upon  Titmouse,  who  in- 
stantly stammered  out:  "O  Lord!  By  Jove!  no,  no!" 

Gammon  could  scarcely  suppress  a  bitter  smile,  so  ludicrous 
were  the  look  and  tone  of  Titmouse. 

"  You  shouldn't  have  let  me  spend  such  a  lot  of  money,  if 
it  wasn't  mine  all  the  while — 

"  The  estate  was,  in  a  manner,  Mr.  Titmouse,  in  my  gift; 
and  in  pitching  upon  you,  sir,  out  of  several,  I  had  imagined 
that  I  had  chosen  a  gentleman— a  man  grateful  and  honor- 
able  " 

"  'Pon  my  solemn  soul,  so  I  am.'"  interrupted  Titmouse 
eagerly. 

"I  had  but  to  scrawl  a  line  or  two  with  my  pen,  the  very 
first  day  that  I  saw  you  at  the  shop  of  Mr.  Tag-rag— and 


340  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

there,  sir — or  in  some  similar  hole — you  would  have  been  at 
this  moment!"  replied  Gammon,  totally  losing  sight  of  the 
very  different  account  of  the  matter  which  he  had  given  five 
minutes  before,  but  speaking  with  a  sudden  sternness  that 
quite  overawed  Titmouse.  Here  it  was  a  case  of  Liar  v 
Fool;  and  the  latter  did  not  perceive  the  slip  made  by  his 
adversary — who,  however,  immediately  became  aware  of  his 
little  inconsistency,  and  colored  with  annoyance. 

"  You'll  excuse  me,  sir,"  quoth  Titmouse  presently,  and  with 
an  air  which  was  becoming  momentarily  more  timid  and 
doubtful — "  but  will  you,  if  all  this  isn't  a  bottle  of  smoke, 
tell  me  how  you  can  prove  it  all?  Because,  you  know,  it 
isn't  only  saying  the  thing  that  will  do — you  know,  Mr. 
Gammon?" 

"  Certainly — certainly  !  You  are  quite  right,  Mr.  Titmouse ! 
Nothing  can  be  more  reasonable !  Your  curiosity  shall  be 
gratified.  Aware  that  your  natural  acuteness,  my  dear  sir, 
would  in  all  probability  prompt  you  to  make  the  very  obser- 
vation you  have  now  made,  I  have  provided  myself  with  the 
two  principal  documents,  and  you  shall  see  them." 

With  this  he  produced  his  pocket-book,  and  took  out  carefully 
two  small  pieces  of  paper,  folded  up.  These,  after  a  very  brief 
preliminary  explanation  which  made  Titmouse  tremble  from 
head  to  foot,  and  no  longer  disbelieve  the  representations  of 
Gammon,  he  unfolded  and  read — Titmouse  looking  affright- 
edly  over  his  shoulder. 

"Do  I  know  the  handwriting?"  he  inquired  faintly. 

"  Probably  riot,"  replied  Gammon. 

"It's  devilish  queer  sort  of  writing,  and  precious  little  of 
it— 

"It  js,  and  when  you  consider 

"Are  both  in  the  same  handwriting?"  inquired  Titmouse, 
taking  them  into  his  tremulous  hand;  while  Gammon  observed 
that  his  countenance  indicated  the  despair  which  had  taken 
possession  of  him. 

"That  cursed  curtain  is  so  much  in  the  light,"  said  Tit- 
mouse, looking  up;  and  going  toward  it,  as  if  to  draw  it 
aside,  he  started  suddenly  away  from  Gammon,  and  with 
frenzied  gestures  tore  the  little  papers  to  pieces  with  incon- 
ceivable rapidity,  and  flung  them  out  of  the  window,  where 
a  brisk  breeze  instantly  took  them  up  and  scattered  them 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  341 

abroad — the  glistening  fragments — never  to  be  again  reunited. 
Having  performed  this  astounding  feat,  he  instantly  turned 
round,  and  leaning  his  back  against  the  window,  gazed  at 
Gammon  with  a  desperate  air  of  mingled  apprehension  and 
triumph,  but  spoke  not  a  word.  Nor  did  Gammon;  but — oh 
the  look  with  which  he  regarded  Titmouse  as  he  slowly  ap- 
proached toward  him,  who,  stepping  aside  as  Gammon 
advanced,  reached  the  cabinet,  and  with  desperate  rapidity 
threw  open  the  door,  and,  as  if  the  devil  had  been  waiting 
his  bidding,  in  a  moment  turned  round  upon  Gammon  with 
u  pistol. 

"  So  help  me  God,  I'll  fire!"  gasped  Titmouse,  rocking  and 
presenting  it.  "I  will — I  WILL — One! — Two! — For  God's  sake  ! 
be  off!— It's  loaded,  and  no  mistake!— If  I  say  Th— I'll  fire, 
if  I'm  hanged  for  it!" 

"Booby!  You  may  put  your  pistol  down,  sir!"  said  Gam- 
mon calmly  and  resolutely,  a  contemptuous  smile  passing 
over  his  pale  features. 

"  Demme  ! — distance  ! — Keep  your  distance  !"  cried  Titmouse, 
his  voice  quivering  with  agitation. 

"Ridiculous  simpleton! — You  poor  rogue!"  said  Gammon, 
laughingly.  There  was,  however,  murder  in  his  smile;  and 
Titmouse  instinctively  perceived  it.  He  kept  his  deadly 
weapon  pointed  full  at  Gammon's  breast,  but  his  hand  trem- 
bled violently. 

Gammon  stood  for  a  minute,  gazing  steadfastly,  and  with- 
out moving,  at  Titmouse;  then  shrugging  his  shoulders,  with 
a  bitter  smile  returned  to  his  chair  and  resumed  his  seat. 
Titmouse,  however,  refused  to  follow  his  example. 

"So  help  me  God,  sir!  I  will  not  hurt  a  hair  of  your 
head,"  said  Gammon  earnestly.  Still  Titmouse  remained  at 
the  window,  pistol  in  hand.  "  Why  should  I  hurt  you?  What 
have  you  to  fear,  you  little  idiot!"  inquired  Gammon  im- 
patiently. "Do  you,  then,  really  think  you  have  injured 
me?  Do  you  positively  think  me  so  great  a  fool,  my  little 
friend,  as  readily  to  have  trusted  you  with  the  precious  origi- 
nals of  which  those  were  only  the  copies !  —Copies  which  I 
can  replace  in  a  minute  or  two's  time !  The  originals,  believe 
me,  are  far  away,  and  safe  enough  under  lock  and  key ! " 

"  I — I — I  don't  believe  yon,"  gasped  Titmouse,  dropping  the 
hand  that  held  the  pistol,  and  speaking  in  it  truly  dismal  tone. 


'So   help  me  God  -  HI  fire  !  " 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  343 

"  That  does  not  signify,  my  worthy  little  friend,"  said  Gam- 
mon, with  an  infernal  smile,  "  if  the  fact  be  so.  That  you 
are  a  fool,  you  must  by  this  time  even  yourself  begin  to  sus- 
pect ;  and  you  can't  doubt  that  you  are  an  arrant  little  rogue 
after  what  has  just  taken  place?  Eh?  'Twas  a  bright  idea 
truly — well  conceived  and  boldly  executed.  I  give  you  all 
the  credit  for  it;  and  it  is  only  your  misfortune  that  it  was 
not  successful.  So  let  us  now  return  to  business.  Uncock 
your  pistol,  replace  it  in  your  cabinet,  and  resume  your  seat, 
or  in  a  minute's  time  I  leave  you,  and  go  direct  to  Lord 
Dreddlington ;  and  if  so,  you  had  better  use  that  pistol  in 
blowing  out  you  own  brains — if  you  have  any." 

Titmouse,  after  a  moment  or  two's  pause  of  irresolution, 
passively  obeyed — very  nearly  on  the  point  of  crying  aloud 
with  disappointment  and  impotent  rage;  and  he  and  Gam- 
mon were  presently  again  sitting  opposite  to  one  another. 

Gammon  was  cold  and  collected — yet  must  it  not  have 
cost  him  a  prodigious  effort  ?  Tho  he  had  told  Titmouse  that 
they  were  copies  only  which  he  had  destroyed,  they  were,  never- 
theless, the  ORIGINALS,  which  with  such  an  incredible  indiscre- 
tion he  had  trusted  into  the  hands  of  Titmouse;  they  were 
the  ORIGINALS  which  Titmouse  had  just  scattered  to  the  winds. 

"Are  you  now  satisfied,  Mr.  Titmouse,  that  you  are  com- 
pletely at  my  mercy,  and  at  the  same  time  totally  undeserv- 
ing of  it?"  said  Gammon,  speaking  in  a  low  and  earnest 
tone,  and  with  much  of  his  former  kindness  of  manner. 
Soothing  and  gentle  as  was  his  voice,  he  felt  as  if  he  could 
instantly  have  destroyed  the  audacious  little  miscreant  be- 
fore him.  "  Do  not,  my  dear  Titmouse,  madly  make  me  your 
enemy,  but  rather  your  friend — your  watchful  and  powerful 
friend  whose  every  interest  is  identified  with  your  own.  Re- 
member all  that  I  have  done  and  sacrificed  for  you.  During 
these  last  two  years  have  I  not  ruinously  neglected  my  own 
interest  to  look  after  yours?" 

Gammon  paused,  and  abruptly  added :  "I  have  but  to  lift 
my  finger,  and  this  splendid  dressing  gown  of  yours,  Tit- 
mouse, is  exchanged  for  a  prison-jacket " 

"0  Lord!  O  Lord!  O  Lord!!"  suddenly  exclaimed  Tit- 
mouse with  a  shudder,  "  I  wish  I  were  dead  and  forgotten ! 
O  Lord!  what  shall  I  do?  'Pon  my  soul"  he  struck  his 
forehead  with  some  violence,  "  I'm  going  mad — 


344  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Consider,  Mr.  Titmouse,  calmly,  how  reasonable  is  my 
offer,"  proceeded  Gammon. 

"Here's  Lady  Cicely  to  have  ^3,000  a  year,"  passionately 
interposed  Titmouse. 

"Not  till  after  your  death,  my  dear  sir — 

"  Then  she  shall  have  it  directly ;  for  curse  me  if  I  don't 
kill  myself " 

"Then  she  would  never  have  a  farthing — for  I  should  in- 
stantly produce  the  real  heir — 

"  Yah ! "  exclaimed  Titmouse,  uttering  a  sound  like  the 
sharp,  furious  bark  of  a  cur  foiled  at  all  points.  He  threw 
himself  on  the  sofa,  and  folded  his  arms  on  his  breast,  com- 
pressing them,  as  it  were,  with  convulsive  vehemence. 

"  Do  not  excite  yourself,  Mr.  Titmouse — you  are  still  one 
of  the  most  fortunate  men  upon  earth,  to  have  fallen  into 
hands  like  mine,  I  can  assure  you  !  You  will  still  enjoy  a  truly 
splendid  income — a  little  short  of  nine  thousand  a  year — for  I 
will  undertake  to  raise  the  Yatton  rental,  within  a  year  or 
two,  to  twelve  or  thirteen  thousand  a  year,  as  I  have  often  told 
you — I  have  explained  to  you  over  and  over  again,  how  ab- 
surdly under  their  value  they  were  let  in  the  time  of : 

"And  you've  perhaps  forgotten  that  I've  borrowed  nearly 
fifty  thousand  pounds — that  costs  nothing,  I  suppose!" 

"Well,  certainly,  you  must  be  a  little  careful  for  a  year  or 
two,  that's  all " 

"Demme,  sir! — I  must  give  up  my  yacht  /"  exclaimed  Tit- 
mouse, desperately  snapping  his  thumb  and  finger  vehe- 
mently at  Gammon. 

"Yes — or  Yatton,"  replied  Gammon  sternly.  "After  all — 
what  more  shall  I  be  than  a  sort  of  steward  of  yours?" 

"  I  don't  want  one,"  interrupted  Titmouse ;  and  starting 
from  the  sofa,  walked  to  the  window,  where  he  stood  with 
his  back  turned  toward  Gammon,  and  crying !  Gammon 
eyed  him  for  several  minutes  in  silence,  and  then  slowly  ap- 
proaching him,  tapped  him  briskly  on  the  shoulder.  Tit- 
mouse started.  "Come,  sir — you  have  now,  I  hope,  relieved 
your  little  feelings,  and  must  attend  to  me — and  be  prompt, 
too,  sir! — The  time  for  trifling,  and  playing  the  baby  or  the 
girl,  is  gone.  Hark  you,  sir !  — yield  me  my  terms,  or  this 
very  day  I  spring  a  mine  under  your  feet,  you  little  villain ! 
that  shall  blow  you  into  ten  thousand  atoms,  and  scatter 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  345 

them  wider  than  ever  you  scattered  just  now  those  bits  of 
worthless  paper  !     Do  you  hear  that  ?  " 

"  Pause,"  continued  Gammon,  in  a  low  vehement  tone,  and 
manner,  "and  you  are  lost — stripped  of  this  gaudy  dress- 
turned  out  of  this  splendid  house  into  the  streets,  or  a 
prison  !  — If  I  quit  this  room — and  I  will  not  wait  much  longer 
— without  your  plain  and  written  consent  to  my  terms,  I 
shall  go  direct  to  my  Lord  Dreddlington,  and  tell  him  the 
obscure  and  base-born  impostor  that  has  crept — 

"O  Mr.  Gammon — Mr.  Gammon!  have  mercy  on  me!" 
exclaimed  Titmouse,  shaking  like  an  aspen-leaf— at  length 
realizing  the  terrible  extent  of  danger  impending  over  him. 

"Have  mercy  on  yourself!"  rejoined  Gammon  sternly. 

"I  will! — I'll  do  all  you  ask — I  will,  so  help  me — 

"I'm  glad  to  hear  it!"  said  Gammon,  relaxing  his  hold  of 
Titmouse ;  and,  in  a  voice  of  returning  kindness,  he  added : 
"  O  Titmouse  !  Titmouse  !  how  fearful  would  be  the  scene — 
when  your  noble  father-in-law — alas !  you  must  have  quitted 
the  country !  His  lordship  would  have  instantly  divorced 
you  from  the  Lady  Cecilia!" 

"You  can't  think  how  I  love  Lady  Cicely!"  exclaimed  Tit- 
mouse in  a  broken  voice. 

"Aye — but  would  she  love  you,  if  she  knew  who  and  what 
you  were?" 

"O  Lord!  O  Lord!  I  love  Lady  Cicely!  I  love  Lady 
Cicely!"  he  bawled. 

"  Then  get  pen,  ink,  and  paper  if  you  would  not  lose  her 
forever!" 

"Here  they  are,  Mr.  Gammon!"  exclaimed  Titmouse,  has- 
tily stepping  to  his  desk,  which  lay  on  a  table;  and  with 
tremulous  eagerness  he  got  out  a  quire  of  writing  paper  and 
took  a  pen.  "  Suppose  you  write,  Mr.  Gammon,"  said  he  sud- 
denly, "my  hand  trembles  so !  Lord,  I  feel  so  sick.  I'll  sign 
anything  you  like!" 

"  Perhaps  it  would  be  better,"  replied  Gammon,  sitting 
down  and  dipping  his  pen  into  the  inkstand;  "it  may  save 
time."  He  commenced  writing,  and,  as  he  went  on,  said  at 
intervals  :  "  Yes,  Titmouse  !  Thank  God,  all  is  now  over  !  It 
shall  no  longer  be  in  Lord  Dreddlington's  power — no,  nor  any 
one's — to  beggar  you — transport  you— to  take  your  noble 
wife  from  you " 


346 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


"  Oh,  no,  no  !  You  know  Lady  Cicely's  taken  me  for  better 
for  worse,  for  richer  for  poorer !  "  interrupted  Titmouse,  in  a 
sort  of  agony  of  apprehension. 

"Ah,  Titmouse !  But  she  did  not  know,  when  she  said  that, 
that  she  was  speaking  to  a — 

"What !  wouldn't  it  have  held  good?"  exclaimed  Titmouse, 
perfectly  aghast. 

"We  need  not  speculate  on  a  case  that  cannot  arise,  my 
dear  Titmouse,"  replied  Gammon,  eying  him  steadfastly, 


111    .Sign 
•anything  you  like 


1    '         '•  ' 


and  then  resuming  his  writing.  "This  paper  becomes,  as 
they  say  at  sea,  your  sheet-anchor !  Here  you  shall  remain 
— the  owner  of  Yatton — of  this  splendid  house — husband  of 
Lady  Cecilia — a  member  of  Parliament — and  in  due  time,  as 
'my  Lord  Drelincourt,'  you  shall  take  your  place  permanently 
in  the  Upper  House  of  Parliament,  amongst  the  hereditary 
legislators  of  your  country.  Now,  Mr.  Titmouse,  sign  your 
name  and  there's  an  end  forever  of  all  your  unhappiness!" 

Titmouse  eagerly  took  the  pen,  and,  with  a  very  trembling 
hand,  affixed  his  signature  to  what  Gammon  had  written. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  347 

"You'll  sign  it  too,  eh?"  he  inquired  timidly. 

"Certainly,  my  dear  Titmouse."  Gammon  affixed  his  sig- 
nature, after  a  moment's  consideration.  "Now  we  are  both 
bound — we  are  friends  for  life !  Let  us  shake  hands,  my 
dear,  dear  Titmouse,  to  bind  the  bargain!" 

They  did  so,  Gammon  cordially  taking  into  his  hands  each 
hand  of  Titmouse,  who,  in  his  anxiety  and  excitement,  never 
once  thought  of  asking  Mr.  Gammon  to  allow  him  to  read 
over  what  he  had  signed. 

"O  Lord!"  he  exclaimed,  heaving  a  very  deep  sigh,  "it 
seems  as  if  we'd  been  only  in  a  dream !  I  begin  to  feel  some- 
thing like  again! — It's  really  all  right?" 

"On  my  sacred  word  of  honor,"  replied  Gammon,  laying 
his  hand  on  his  heart,  "  provided  you  perform  the  engagement 
into  which  you  have  this  day  entered." 

"Never  fear!  honor  bright!"  said  Titmouse,  placing  his 
on  his  heart,  with  as  solemn  a  look  as  he  could  assume. 

Mr.  Gammon,  having  folded  up  his  paper,  put  in  into  his 
pocket-book. 

"I  was  a  trifle  too  deep  for  you,  Titmouse,  eh?"  said  he, 
good-humoredly.  "How  could  you  suppose  me  green  enough 
to  bring  you  the  real  documents?"  he  added,  with  perfect 
command  of  voice  and  feature. 

"  Where  are  they  ?  "  inquired  Titmouse  timidly. 

"At  a  banker's,  in  a  double-iron  strong-box,  with  three  dif- 
ferent locks." 

"Lord! — But,  in  course,  you'll  put  them  into  the  fire  when 
I've  performed  my  agreement,  eh?" 

Gammon  looked  at  him  for  a  moment,  doubtful  what  an- 
swer to  make  to  this  unexpected  question. 

"My  dear  Titmouse,"  said  he  at  length,  "I  will  be  candid 
— I  must  preserve  them — but  no  human  eye  shall  ever  see 
them  except  my  own." 

"  My  stars ! — Excuse  me —  "  stammered  Titmouse  uneasily. 

"Never  fear  my  honor,  Titmouse!  Have  you  ever  had 
reason  to  do  so?" 

"  No — never !   It's  quite  true !  And  why  don't  you  trust  mefy 

"Have  you  forgotten! — Did  I  not  trust  you — as  you  sup- 
posed"—quickly  subjoined  Gammon,  positively  on  the  point 
of  again  committing  himself;  "and  when  you  fancied  you 
really  had  in  your  power  the  precious  documents?" 


348  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Oh!  well,"  said  Titmouse,  his  face  flushing  all  over, 
"but  that's  all  past  and  gone." 

"You  must  rely  on  my  honor — and  I'll  tell  you  why.  What 
would  be  easier  than  for  me  to  pretend  to  you  that  the  pa- 
pers which  you  might  see  me  burn,  were  really  the  originals 
and  yet  be  no  such  thing?" 

"In  course — yes;  I  see!"  replied  Titmouse — who,  however, 
had  really  not  comprehended  the  case  which  Gammon  had  put 
to  him.  "Well — but — I  say — excuse  me,  Mr.  Gammon,"  said 
Titmouse,  hesitatingly  returning,  as  Gammon  imagined,  to 
the  charge,  "  but — you  said  something  about  the  real  heir." 

"Certainly.    There  is  such  a  person,  I  assure  you!" 

"  Well — but  since  you  and  I  have  made  it  up  and  are  friends 
for  life — eh? — what's  to  be  done  with  the  fellow?" 

"  That  is  at  present  no  concern — nay,  it  never  will  be  any 
concern  of  yours  or  mine.  Surely  it  is  enough  for  you  that 
you  are  enjoying  the  rank  and  fortune  belonging  to  some  one 
else?  Good  gracious!  I  can't  help  reminding  you — fancy 
the  natural  son  of  a  cobbler — figuring  away  as  the  Right 
Honorable  Lord  Drelincourt — while  all  the  while  the  real 
Lord  Drelincourt  is — nay,  at  this  moment,  pining,  poor  soul ! 
in  poverty  and  obscurity." 

"Well — I  dare  say  he's  used  to  it,  so  it  can't  hurt  him 
much !  But  I've  been  thinking,  Mr.  Gammon,  couldn't  we 
get  him — pressed?  or  enlisted  into  the  army? — He's  a  deuced 
deal  better  out  of  the  way,  you  know,  for  both  of  us!" 

"Sir!"  interrupted  Gammon,  speaking  very  seriously,  and 
even  with  a  melancholy  and  apprehensive  air,  "  leave  the  fu- 
ture to  me.  I  have  made  all  requisite  arrangements,  and  am 
myself  implicated  already  to  a  most  awful  extent  on  your  be- 
half; the  only  person  on  earth  beside  myself  that  can  dis- 
turb my  arrangements  is  yourself.  Will  you  execute  the 
necessary  documents  as  soon  as  they  are  ready  ?  I  will  cause 
them  to  be  prepared  immediately." 

"  Oh !  yes,"  and  he  added  in  a  lower  tone,  "  take  care, 
Mr.  Gammon,  that  no  one  knows  why! — eh,  you  know?" 

"  Leave  that  to  me! — Good  morning,  Mr.  Titmouse." 

What  could  Gammon  have  been  thinking  about  when  he 
trusted  the  originals  into  the  hands  of  Titmouse?  At  the 
mere  recollection  of  which,  as  he  walked  along,  he  ground 
his  teeth  together  with  the  vehemence  of  his  emotions.  All 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A   YKAR  349 

he  had  henceforth  to  trust  to  was  his  mastery  over  the  fears 
of  a  fool. 

The  object  which  Gammon  had  originally  proposed  to  him- 
self, and  unwaveringly  fixed  his  eye  upon  amidst  all  the 
mazy  tortuosities  of  his  course,  since  taking  up  the  cause  of 
Tittlebat  Titmouse,  was  his  own  permanent  establishment 
in  the  upper  sphere  of  society ;  conscious  that  could  he  but 
once  emerge  into  political  life  his  energies  would  insure  him 
speedy  distinction.  With  an  independent  income  of  ^"2,000 
a  year,  he  felt  that  he  should  be  standing  on  sure  ground.  But 
even  above  and  beyond  this,  there  was  one  dazzling  object 
of  his  hopes  and  wishes,  which,  unattained,  would,  on  several 
accounts,  render  all  others  comparatively  valueless — a  union 
with  Miss  Aubrey.  His  heart  fluttered  within  him  at  the  bare 
notion  of  such  an  event.  Absorbed  with  these  reflections  he 
started  on  being  accosted  by  the  footman  of  the  Earl  of  Dred- 
dlington,  who  had  ordered  his  carriage  to  draw  up,  to  en- 
able his  lordship  to  speak  to  him.  It  was  the  end  of  Oxford 
Street  nearest  to  the  City. 

"Sir — Mr.  Gammon — good-day,  sir!"  commenced  the  Earl, 
with  a  slight  appearance  of  displeasure;  "pray,  has  anything 
unfortunate  happened — 

"  Unfortunate !  I  beg  your  lordship's  pardon —  '  inter- 
rupted Gammon,  gazing  with  surprise  at  the  Earl. 

"  You  do  not  generally  forget  your  appointments.  The  Mar- 
quis, I,  and  the  gentlemen  of  the  direction  have  been  waiting 
for  you  at  the  office  for  a  whole  hour." 

"Good  Heavens!  my  lord — I  am  confounded!"  said  Gam- 
mon, suddenly  recollecting  the  engagement;  "I  forgot  every- 
thing in  a  sudden  fit  of  indisposition  at  the  house  of  a  client 
at  Bayswater.  I  can  but  apologize,  my  lord — 

"Sir,  say  no  more;  your  looks  are  more  than  sufficient; 
and  I  beg  that  you  will  do  me  the  honor  to  accept  a  seat 
in  my  carriage,  and  tell  me  whither  you  will  be  driven." 

Since  his  lordship  was  as  peremptory  as  politeness  would 
permit  him  to  be,  in  got  Gammon,  and  named  THE  GUN- 
POWDER AND  FRESHWATER  COMPANY'S  OFFICES,  in  Lothbury,  in 
the  hopes  of  finding  yet  some  of  the  gentlemen  whom  he  had 
so  sadly  disappointed. 

"Sir,"  said  the  Earl,  after  much  inquiry  into  the  nature 
of  Gammon's  recent  indisposition,  "  by  the  way,  will  you  dine 


350  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

with  me  to-morrow?  We  shall  be  quite  alone,  and  I  am  anx- 
ious to  obtain  an  accurate  account  of  the  present  state  of 
Mr.  Titmouse's  property;  for  to  tell  you  the  truth,  I  have 
heard  of  one  or  two  little  matters  that  occasion  me  some 
uneasiness " 

"  Can  anything  be  more  unfortunate,  my  lord  ?  I  am  en- 
gaged out  to  dinner  for  the  next  three  days — if,  indeed,  I 
shall  be  well  enough  to  go  to  any  of  them,"  said  Gammon, 
with  an  agitation  which  could  have  escaped  the  observation 
of  few  persons  except  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington. 

"  Sir — I  exceedingly  regret  to  hear  it :  let  me  trust  that 
some  day  next  week  I  shall  be  more  fortunate.  There  are 
several  matters  on  which  I  am  desirous  of  consulting  you. 
When  did  you  last  see  Mr.  Titmouse?" 

"Let  me  see,  my  lord — I — don't  think  I've  seen  him  since 
Monday  last,  when  I  casually  met  him  in  one  of  the  com- 
mittee-rooms of  the  House  of  Commons,  where,  by  the  way, 
he  seems  a  pretty  frequent  attendant — 

"  I'm  glad  to  hear  it,"  replied  the  Earl,  somewhat  gravely, 
with  a  slight  expression  of  surprise.  Gammon,  therefore, 
fancied  that  the  Earl  had  received  recent  intelligence  of  some 
of  the  wild  pranks  of  his  hopeful  son-in-law. 

"Will  you,  sir — by  the  way — have  the  goodness  to  write 
off  to-day  to  General  Epaulett's  solicitors,  and  tell  them  I 
wish  to  pay  off  immediately  ;£i  2,000  of  his  mortgage?" 

While  the  Earl  was  speaking,  the  carriage  drew  up  at  the 
door  of  the  company's  office  and  Gammon  alighted.  The 
Earl,  however,  finding  that  all  the  gentlemen  whom  he  had 
left  there  had  quitted,  drove  off  westward,  at  a  smart  pace, 
and  reached  the  House  in  time  for  the  matters  which  he  had 
mentioned  to  Mr.  Gammon.  That  gentleman  soon  dropped 
the  languid  demeanor  he  had  worn  in  Lord  Dreddlington's 
presence,  and  addressed  himself  with  energy  and  decision  to 
a  great  number  of  important  and  difficult  matters  requiring 
his  attention — principally  connected  with  several  of  the  public 
companies  in  which  he  was  interested — and  one  of  which,  in 
particular,  required  the  greatest  possible  care  and  tact,  in 
order  to  prevent  its  bursting — prematurely. 

Gammon  had,  by  his  skilful  but  not  very  scrupulous  maneu- 
vering, already  put  into  Lord  Dreddlington's  pocket  some 
forty  thousand  pounds,  and  at  the  same  time  involved  his 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  351 

lordship  in  liabilities  which  he  never  dreamed  of,  and  even 
Gammon  himself  had  not  contemplated.  Then  he  warmed 
with  his  apparent  proximity  to  Parliament  (to  that  part 
of  Titmouse's  bargain  Gammon  resolved  to  hold  him  to  the 
very  letter)  which  he  was  sure  of  entering  on  the  very  next 
election.  By  that  time  he  would  have  realized  a  sum,  through 
his  connection  with  the  various  companies,  which,  even  dis- 
regarding the  income  to  be  derived  thereafter  from  the 
Yatton  property,  would  render  him  so  far  independent  as 
to  warrant  him  in  dissolving  partnership  with  Messrs.  Quirk 
and  Snap,  and  quitting  at  least  the  practice  of  the  profession. 

Mr.  Gammon  was  a  man  of  very  powerful  mind,  possess- 
ing energies  of  the  highest  order.  His  ambition  was  boundless 
and  he  felt  within  himself  a  capacity  for  the  management  of 
political  affairs  of  no  ordinary  magnitude,  could  he  but  force 
himself  into  the  regions  where  his  energies  and  qualifications 
could  be  discovered  and  appreciated.  Indeed,  I  will  undertake 
to  say  that,  had  Gammon  only  been  a  good  man,  he  would, 
in  all  probability,  have  become  a  great  one.  There  was  one 
end  upon  which  all  his  thoughts  settled  with  a  sort  of  agita- 
ting interest — his  connection  with  the  Aubreys ;  and  whenever 
that  name  occurred  to  his  thoughts,  one  beauteous  image 
rose  before  him  like  that  of  an  angel — I  mean  Miss  Aubrey. 
She  was  the  first  object  that  had  ever  excited  in  him  any, 
the  faintest,  semblance  of  the  passion  of  love— that  love,  I 
mean,  which  is  in  a  manner  purified  and  sublimated  from  all 
grossness  or  sensuality  by  due  appreciation  of  intellectual 
and  moral  excellence.  When  he  dwelt  upon  the  character  of 
Miss  Aubrey,  and  for  a  moment  realized  the  possibility  of  a 
union  with  her,  he  felt,  as  it  were,  elevated  above  himself. 

His  passion  for  her  had  risen  to  a  most  extraordinary 
pitch  of  intensity,  and  become  a  sort  of  infatuation.  In 
spite  of  all  that  had  happened  at  Yatton,  he  had  contrived 
to  continue  on  terms  of  considerable  intimacy  with  the  Au- 
breys; and  had,  moreover,  been  all  the  while  so  watchful 
over  himself  as  to  have  given  none  of  them  any  reason  to 
suspect  the  state  of  his  feelings  toward  Miss  Aubrey.  But 
he  felt  that  something  must  at  length  be  done,  or  attempted, 
to  carry  into  effect  his  fond  wishes  with  reference  to  her, 
and,  moreover,  that  his  circumstances  required  an  immediate 
move. 


CHAPTER  XXVI 

TELLS  HOW  MR.  GAMMON  AT  LAST  MUSTERS  COURAGE  TO  AP- 
PROACH MISS  AUBREY,  AND  WHAT  WERE  THE  CONSK 
QUENCES  OF  HER  ACTION  TO  ALL  CONCERNED 

Two  days  afterward,  approaching  the  house  of  the  Au- 
breys shortly  after  eleven  o'clock,  he  beheld  Mrs.  Aubrey, 
accompanied  by  the  two  children,  quit  the  house,  and  turn 
toward  the  Park.  Gammon's  heart  began  to  beat  hard. 
Though  he  never  cared  much  for  dress,  his  appearance  on  the 
present  occasion  afforded  indications  of  some  little  attention 
to  it;  and  he  appeared  simply  a  well-dressed  gentleman,  in  a 
dark-blue  buttoned  surtout,  with  velvet  collar,  and  plain 
black  stock.  After  a  moment's  somewhat  flurried  pause,  he 
knocked  and  rang  at  Mr.  Aubrey's  door. 

"Is  Mr.  Aubrey  within?"  he  inquired  of  the  very  pretty  and 
respectable-looking  maidservant,  who  presently  answered  his 
summons. 

"No,  sir;  he  is  never  here  after — 

"  Perhaps  Mrs.  Aubrey — 

"No,  sir;  there  is  only  Miss  Aubrey  at  home." 

"  Perhaps — I  could  see  Miss  Aubrey  for  a  moment?"  inquired 
Gammon,  with  as  matter-of-fact  an  air  as  he  could  assume. 

"Certainly,  sir — she  is  in  the  drawing-room.  Will  you  walk 
up-stairs?"  said  the  girl,  who  of  course  knew  him  well,  as  not 
an  infrequent  visitor  at  the  house.  So  she  led  the  way  up- 
stairs, he  following,  and  with  somewhat  fading  color. 

Miss  Aubrey  was  sitting  writing  at  her  desk.  There  was  a 
little  air  of  negligence  in  the  arrangement  of  her  hair,  and  her 
light  morning  costume  displayed  her  figure  to  infinite  ad- 
vantage. There  was  really  something  inexpressibly  lovely  in 
her  whole  appearance,  seen  tho  she  was  at  that  moment  by 
Gammon  through  a  faint  mist  of  displeasure  which  she  had 
thrown  around  herself. 

"Good  morning,  Mr.  Gammon,"  she  commenced,  turning 
toward  him,  gazing  at  him  with  some  curiosity. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  353 

"  May  I  venture  to  hope,  madam,  that  I  am  not  intruding 
upon  you?"  said  he,  seating  himself  in  the  nearest  chair. 

"My  brother  always  leaves  at  half-past  nine;  is  he  not  at 
the  Temple  to-day,  Mr.  Gammon?"  she  asked. 

"  I  really  don't  know — in  fact,  I  have  not  been  there  to-day ; 
I  thought  it  better,  perhaps —  He  paused  for  a  second. 

"  I  sincerely  trust,  Mr.  Gammon,"  interrupted  Miss  Aubrey, 
with  great  anxiety,  "  that  nothing  unpleasant — unfortunate — 
has  happened.  For  Heaven's  sake  tell  me!" 

"  I  assure  you,  madam,  upon  my  honor,  that  nothing  what- 
ever has  happened,  that  I  know  of,  since  last  we  met." 

"Oh,  dear — I  was  getting  so  alarmed!"  said  she,  with  a 
faint  sigh. 

"Certainly,  madam,  you  have  no  occasion  to  be  alarmed; 
I  have,  however,  an  errand — one  to  me,  at  least,  of  inexpressi- 
ble importance,"  he  commenced,  and  in  a  lower  key  than 
that  in  which  he  had  previously  spoken;  and  there  was  a 
peculiarity  in  his  manner  which  quite  rivetted  Miss  Aubrey's 
eye  upon  his  expressive — and  now,  she  saw  plainly,  agitated 
countenance. 

"I  hope,  madam,  that  comparatively  few  as  have  been  my 
opportunities  of  becoming  acquainted  with  it,  I  may  venture 
to  express  my  profound  appreciation  of  your  superior  char- 
acter." 

"Really,  sir,"  interrupted  Miss  Aubrey  "you  are  not  can- 
did with  me.  I  am  now  certain  that  you  have  some  unpleas- 
ant communication  to  make  !  Do,  I  entreat  of  you,  Mr.  Gam- 
mon, give  me  credit  for  a  little  presence  of  mind  and  firmness ; 
let  me  know  the  worst,  and  be  prepared  to  break  it  to  my 
brother  and  sister."  Gammon  seemed  unable  to  bear  her 
bright  blue  eyes  fixed  upon  his  own,  which  he  directed  to  the 
floor,  while  his  cheek -flushed.  Then  he  looked  again  at  her; 
and  with  an  eye  that  explained  all,  and  drove  away  the 
bloom  from  Miss  Aubrey's  cheek,  while  it  also  suspended,  for 
a  moment,  her  breathing,  he  said  : 

"  Oh,  forgive  me  for  an  instant — for  one  moment  bear  with 
me,  Miss  Aubrey !  This  interview  agitates  me  almost  to  death ; 
it  is  that  which  for  a  thousand  hours  of  intense — absorbing — 
agonizing  doubts  and  fears  I  have  been  looking  forward 
to!"  Miss  Aubrey  sat  perfectly  silent  and  motionless,  gazing 
intently  at  him,  with  blanched  cheek  :  he  might  have  been 

23 


354  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

addressing  a  Grecian  statue.  "  And  now — now  that  it  has  at 
last  arrived — when  I  feel  as  if  I  were  breathing  a  new — a 
maddening  atmosphere,  occasioned  by  your  presence — by  the 
sight  of  your  surpassing  loveliness 

"Gracious  mercy,  sir!  what  can  you  mean!"  at  length  in- 
terrupted Miss  Aubrey,  with  a  slight  start — at  the  same  time 
slipping  her  chair  a  little  further  from  Mr.  Gammon.  "  I  de- 
clare, sir,  I  do  not  in  the  least  understand  you,"  she  continued, 
with  much  energy;  but  her  increasing  paleness  showed  the 
effect  which  his  extraordinary  conduct  had  produced  upon  her. 

"  I  perceive,  madam,  that  you  are  agitated — 

"I  am,  sir!  astonished! — shocked! — I  could  not  have  im- 
agined— 

"  Madam  !  madam  !  at  the  risk  of  being  deemed  unkind — 
cruel — if  I  die  for  it,  I  cannot  resist  telling  you  that  I  rever- 
ence— I  love  you  to  a  degree 

"O  Heavens!"  murmured  Miss  Aubrey,  still  gazing  with 
an  air  of  amazement  at  him.  Several  times  she  thought  of 
rising  to  ring  the  bell  and  at  once  get  rid  of  so  astounding 
an  interruption  and  intrusion;  but  for  several  reasons  she 
abstained  from  doing  so  as  long  as  possible. 

"It  would  be  ridiculous,  sir,"  said  she,  at  length,  with 
dignity,  "to  affect  ignorance  of  your  meaning  and  intentions; 
but  may  I  venture  to  ask  what  conduct  of  mine — what  single 
act  of  mine — or  word — or  look — has  ever  induced  you  to 
imagine — for  one  moment  to  indulge  so  insane — 

"  Alas,  madam  !  that  which  you  could  not  conceal  or  con- 
trol— your  incomparable  excellence — your  beauty — loveliness. 
Madam  !  madam  !  the  mere  sight  of  your  transcendent  charms 
— my  soul  sank  prostrate  before  you  the  first  moment  that  I 
ever  saw  you — 

All  this  was  uttered  by  Gammon  in  a  very  low  tone,  and 
with  passionate  fervor  of  manner.  Miss  Aubrey  trembled 
visibly  and  had  grown  very  cold. 

"I  certainly  ought  to  feel  flattered,  sir,"  said  she,  rapidly 
recovering  herself,  "by  the  high  terms  in  which  you  are 
pleased  to  speak  of  me — of  one  who  has  not  the  slightest 
claim  upon  your  good  opinion.  I  really  cannot  conceive 
what  conduct  of  mine  can  have  led  you  to  imagine  that  such 
an— an — application — as  this  could  be  successful — or  received 
otherwise  than  with  astonishment — and,  if  persisted  in — dis- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  355 

pleasure,  Mr.  Gammon."    This  she  said  in  her  natural  manner, 
and  very  pointedly. 

"  Miss  Aubrey — permit  me — 

"I  cannot,  sir — I  have  heard  already  too  much;  and  I  am 
sure  that  when  a  lady  requests  a  ge?itleman  to  desist  from 
conduct  which  pains  and  shocks  her — sir,"  she  added  hastily 
and  peremptorily,  "  I  beg  you  will  at  once  desist  from  ad- 
dressing me  in  so  very  improper  a  strain  and  manner!" 

"  Indulge  my  agonized  feelings  for  one  moment,  Miss  Au- 
brey," said  Gammon,  with  desperate  energy ;  "  alas !  I  had 
suspected — I  had  feared — that  our  respective  positions  in  so- 
ciety would  lead  you  to  despise  so  comparatively  humble  and 
obscure  a  person  in  point  of  station  and  circumstances — 

"  Sir!"  exclaimed  Kate  magnificently,  drawing  up  her  figure 
to  its  utmost  height,  her  manner  almost  petrifying  Gammon, 
whose  last  words  she  had  most  unaccountably  imagined,  at 
the  moment,  to  amount  to  a  bitter  sarcastic  allusion  to  their 
fallen  fortunes  and  diminished  personal  consequence  in  so- 
ciety; but  she  was  quickly  undeceived,  as  he  proceeded  fer- 
vently :  "  Yes,  madam — your  birth — your  family  connections — 
your  transcendent  mental  and  personal  qualities  shining  all 
the  brighter  in  the  gloom  of  adversity — 

"  I — I — I  beg  your  pardon,  sir — I  misunderstood  you,"  said 
Kate,  discovering  her  error  and  coloring  violently ;  "  but  it 
is  even  more  painful  to  me  to  listen  to  the  language  you  are 
addressing  to  me.  Since  you  urge  me  to  it,  I  beg  you  to 
understand,  sir,  that  if  by  what  you  have  been  saying  to  me 
I  am  to  gather  that  you  are  making  me  an  offer  of  your  ad- 
dresses, I  decline  them  at  once,  most  peremptorily,  as  a  thing 
quite  out  of  the  question."  The  tone  and  manner  in  which 
this  was  said  blighted  all  the  nascent  hopes  of  Gammon,  who 
looked  the  very  image  of  misery  and  despair.  The  workings 
of  his  strongly  marked  features  told  of  the  agony  of  his  feel- 
ings. Neither  of  them  spoke  for  a  few  moments.  "  Alas ! 
madam,"  at  length  he  inquired,  in  a  tremulous  voice,  "  am  I 
presumptuous  if  I  intimate  a  fear — which  I  dare  hardly  own 
to  myself  even— that  I  am  too  late— that  there  is  some  more 
fortunate —  Miss  Aubrey  blushed  scarlet. 

"Sir,"  said  she,  with  quick  indignant  energy,  "I  should 
certainly  consider  such  inquiries — most— presumptuous — most 
offensive" — and  indeed  her  eye  quite  shone  with  indignation. 


356  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Gammon  gazed  at  her  with  piercing  intensity,  and  spoke  not. 
"  You  cannot  but  be  aware,  sir,  that  you  are  greatly  taxing 
my  forbearance — nay,  sir,  I  feel  that  you  are  taking  a  very 
great  liberty  in  making  any  such  inquiries  or  suggestions," 
continued  Miss  Aubrey,  more  calmly;  "but,  as  your  manner 
is  unobjectionable  and  respectful,  I  have  no  objection  to  say, 
sir,  most  unhesitatingly,  that  the  reason  you  hint  at  is  not  in 
the  least  concerned  in  the  answer  I  have  given.  I  have  de- 
clined your  proposals,  sir,  simply  because  I  choose  to  decline 
them — because  I  have  not,  nor  ever  could  have  the  least  dis- 
position to  entertain  them." 

Gammon  could  not,  at  the  moment,  determine  whether  she 
really  had  or  had  not  a  pre-engagement. 

"  Madam,  you  would  bear  with  me  did  you  but  know  the 
exquisite  suffering  your  words  occasion  me !  Your  hopeless 
tone  and  manner  appear  to  my  soul  to  consign  it  to  perdi- 
tion— to  render  me  perfectly  careless  about  life,"  said  Gam- 
mon, with  irresistible  pathos ;  and  Miss  Aubrey,  as  she  looked 
and  listened,  in  spite  of  herself,  pitied  him.  "  I  might,  perhaps, 
establish  some  claim  to  your  favor,  were  I  at  liberty  to  re- 
count to  you  my  long  unwearied  exertions  to  shield  your 
noble-spirited  brother — nay,  all  of  you — from  impending 
trouble  and  danger — to  avert  it  from  you." 

"  We  are  indeed  deeply  sensible  of  your  kindness  toward  us, 
Mr.  Gammon." 

"Suffer  me,  Miss  Aubrey,  but  one  word  more,"  he  con- 
tinued eagerly,  apprehensive  that  she  was  about  to  check  him. 
"  Were  you  but  aware  of  the  circumstances  under  which  I 
come  to  throw  myself  at  your  feet — myself,  and  all  I  have — 
nor  is  that  little,  for  I  am  in  independent  circumstances — I 
shall  soon  be  in  the  House  of  Commons — "  Miss  Aubrey  ex- 
hibited still  more  unequivocal  symptoms  of  impatience — 
"and  forever  have  abandoned  the  hateful  walk  in  life  to 
which  for  the  last  few  years " 

"  I  suppose  I  must  listen  to  you,  sir,  however  painful  to  me, 
if,  after  all  I  have  said,  you  choose  to  continue,"  said  Miss 
Aubrey  with  calm  displeasure. 

But  Gammon  persevered.  "  I  say,  Miss  Aubrey,  that  could 
you  but  catch  a  glimpse  of  the  troubles  which  lurk  around 
you  all — infinitely  greater  than  any  which  you  have  even  yet 
experienced — which  are  every  day  coming  nearer  to  you " 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  357 

"What  do  you  mean,  Mr.  Gammon?" 

"—And  which  I  may  be  unable  any  longer  to  avert  from 
you — you  would  at  least  appreciate  the  pure  and  disinterested 
motives  with  which  I  set  out  upon  my  truly  disastrous  mis- 
sion." 

"Once  more,  Mr.  Gammon,  I  assure  you  that  I  feel— that 
we  all  of  us  feel — a  lively  gratitude  toward  you  for  the  great 
services  you  have  rendered  us;  but  how  can  that  possibly 
vary  my  resolution?  Surely,  Mr.  Gammon,  you  will  not  re- 
quire me  to  enter  again  upon  a  most  unpleasant —  '  Gam- 
mon heaved  a  profound  sigh.  "  With  regard  to  your  intima- 
tion of  the  danger  which  menaces  us,  I  own  that  I  am  dis- 
turbed by  what  you  have  said." 

"  I  have  but  one  word  more  to  say,  madam,"  said  Gammon 
in  a  low  impassioned  tone,  evidently  preparing  to  sink  upon 
one  knee,  and  to  assume  an  imploring  attitude;  on  which 
Miss  Aubrey  rose  from  her  chair  and,  stepping  back  a  pace 
or  two,  said,  with  great  resolution  :  "  If  you  do  not  instantly 
resume  your  seat,  sir,  I  shall  ring  the  bell;  for  you  are  be- 
ginning to  take  advantage  of  my  present  defenseless  position 
— you  are  persecuting  me,  and  I  will  not  suffer  it.  Sir,  resume 
your  seat,  or  I  summon  the  servant  into  the  room — a  humili- 
ation I  wish  to  spare  you." 

Her  voice  was  not  half  so  imperative  as  was  her  eye.  He 
felt  that  his  cause  was  hopeless;  he  bowed  profoundly,  and 
said  in  a  low  tone,  "I  obey  you,  madam." 

Neither  of  them  spoke  for  some  moments.  At  length,  "  I 
am  sure,  sir,"  said  Miss  Aubrey,  looking  at  her  watch,  "  you 
will  forgive  me  for  reminding  you  that  when  you  entered  I 
was  engaged  writing  letters,"  and  she  glanced  at  her  desk; 
"for  which  purpose  alone  it  is  that  I  am  not  now  accom- 
panying my  sister  and  the  children." 

"I  feel  too  painfully,  madam,  that  I  am  intruding;  but  I 
shall  soon  cease  to  trouble  you.  Every  one  has  some  great 
bitterness  to  pass  through  at  some  time  or  other  in  his  life — 
and  I  have  this  instant  passed  through  mine,"  replied  Gam- 
mon gloomily.  "I  will  not  say  that  the  bitterness  of  death 
is  past;  but  I  feel  that  life  has  henceforth,  as  far  as  I  am 
concerned,  nothing  worth  pursuing." 

"  It  is  high  time  that  you  should  leave  me,  sir,"  presently 
said  Miss  Aubrey,  determinedly.  "  I  have  suffered  surely  suffi- 


A    humiliation 
1  wish  lo 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  359 

ciently  already;  and  my  first  answer  is  also  my  last.  I  beg 
now,  sir,  that  you  will  retire." 

"Madam,  you  are  obeyed,"  replied  Gammon  rising,  and 
speaking  in  a  tone  of  sorrowful  deference.  He  felt  that  his 
fate  was  sealed.  "  I  now  seem  fully  aware,  to  myself  even,  of 
the  unwarrantable  liberty  I  have  taken,  and  solicit  your 
forgiveness."  Miss  Aubrey  bowed  to  him  loftily.  "I  will 
not  presume  to  solicit  your  silence  to  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Aubrey 
concerning  the  visit  I  have  paid  you?"  he  continued  very 
anxiously. 

"  I  am  not  in  the  habit,  sir,  of  concealing  anything  from 
my  brother  and  sister;  but  I  shall  freely  exercise  my  own 
discretion  in  the  matter." 

"Well,  madam,"  said  he,  preparing  to  move  toward  the 
door,  while  Miss  Aubrey  raised  her  hand  to  the  bell,  "in 
taking  leave  of  you,  receive  my  solemn  assurance  that, 
haughtily  as  you  have  repelled  my  advances  this  day,  I  will 
yet  continue  to  do  all  that  is  in  my  power  to  avert  the 
troubles  now  threatening  your  brother— which,  I  fear,  how- 
ever, will  be  but  of  little  avail !  Farewell,  farewell,  Miss 
Aubrey!"  he  exclaimed,  and  was  the  next  moment  rapidly 
descending  the  stairs.  As  he  left,  Miss  Aubrey,  bursting  into 
tears,  threw  herself  again  upon  the  sofa,  and  continued  long 
in  a  state  of  excessive  agitation.  Mr.  Gammon  walked  east- 
ward at  a  rapid  pace,  and  in  a  state  of  mind  which  cannot  be 
described. 

The  reader  may  imagine  the  alarm  occasioned  Mr.  Aubrey 
on  his  return  from  the  Temple  in  the  evening  of  the  day  on 
which  Gammon  had  paid  his  remarkable  visit  to  Miss  Aubrey, 
by  the  sight  of  the  troubled  countenances  of  his  wife  and 
sister.  Mrs.  Aubrey  had  returned  home  within  half  an  hour 
after  Gammon's  leaving  Vivian  Street,  and  to  her  Miss  Au- 
brey instantly  communicated  his  extraordinary  proposal. 
Blank  amazement  was  succeeded  by  vivid  indignation  in  Mr. 
Aubrey,  as  soon  as  he  had  heard  of  this  attempt  to  take 
advantage  of  their  circumstances;  and  for  several  hours  he 
was  excessively  agitated.  He  told  them,  the  next  morning, 
that  he  had  resolved  to  communicate  that  day,  either  person- 
ally or  by  letter,  with  Mr.  Gammon;  not  only  peremptorily 
forbidding  any  renewal  of  his  proposals,  but  also  requesting 
him  to  discontinue  his  visits  in  Vivian  Street. 


360  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Old  Mr.  Quirk  was  the  next  morning  over  head  and  ears 
in  business  of  all  kinds — and  sadly  missed  the  clear-headed 
and  energetic  Gammon;  so,  about  ten  o'clock,  fearing  that 
that  gentleman's  indisposition  must  still  continue,  inasmuch 
as  there  were  no  symptoms  of  his  coming  to  the  office  as 
usual,  he  set  off  to  make  a  call  upon  Mr.  Gammon — whose 
countenance,  flushed  and  harassed,  strongly  corroborated 
what  he  said  on  the  subject  of  his  indisposition.  Still,  he  said 
he  could  attend  to  any  business  which  Mr.  Quirk  was  pre- 
pared to  mention. 

Before  he  quitted  Mr.  Gammon,  that  gentleman  quietly 
and  easily  led  conversation  toward  the  subject  of  the  various 
outstanding  debts  due  to  the  firm. 

"Ah,  drat  it!"  quoth  the  old  gentleman,  briskly,  "the 
heaviest,  you  know,  is  that  fellow  Aubrey's  account." 

"I  understand  you,  my  dear  sir,"  replied  Gammon  with  a 
sigh,  "I  fear  I  must  plead  no  longer  for  him — I  have  gone 
already  further  than  my  duty  to  the  firm  warranted." 

"It's  a  heavy  balance,  Gammon — a  very  heavy  balance, 
^"1,446  odd,  to  be  outstanding  so  long.  He  agreed  to  pay 
interest  on  't — didn't  he,  eh  ? — But  really  something  ought  to 
be  done  in  it :  and — come,  Gammon  !  You've  had  your  turn ; 
now  tip  him  over  to  me." 

"I  should  be  very  sorry  to  distress  him,  poor  devil!" 

"Distress  him?  Our  bill  must  be  paid.  D — n  him!  why 
don't  he  pay  his  debts?  We  pay  ours — he  must  pay  his." 

"Certainly.  By  the  way,"  said  Gammon,  suddenly,  "if  you 
were  to  take  bold  and  decided  steps,  his  friends  would  un- 
doubtedly come  forward  and  relieve  him." 

"Ay!  ay!  What  think  you  of  three  days?  There's  he  liv- 
ing all  the  while  in  a  d — d  fine  house  at  the  West  End,  like  a 
gentleman — looks  down,  I'll  be  sworn,  on  us  poor  attorneys 
already,  beggar  as  he  is,  because  he's  coming  to  the  bar. 
Now  mind,  Gammon,  no  nonsense !  I  won't  stand  your  com- 
ing in  again  as  you  did  before — if  I  write — honor  between 
thieves !  eh  ?" 

"  I  pledge  my  honor  to  you,  my  dear  sir,  that  I  will  inter- 
fere no  more;  the  law  must  take  its  course." 

"That's  it!"  said  Mr.  Quirk.  "I'll  tip  him  a  tickler  before 
he's  a  day  older  that  shall  wake  him  up — ah,  ha  !" 

"  You  will  do  me  one  favor,  Mr.  Quirk,  I  am  sure,"  said  Mr. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  361 

Gammon,  with  that  civil  but  peremptory  manner  of  his,  which 
invariably  commanded  Quirk's  assent  to  his  suggestions — 
"  you  will  insert  a  disclaimer  in  the  letter  of  its  emanating 
from  me — or  being  with  my  consent?" 

"Oh,  Lud,  yes!  yes!  anything." 

"Nay — rather  against  my  wish,  you  know — eh?  Just  for 
appearance'  sake — as  I  have  always  appeared  so  infernally 
civil  to  the  man,  till  now." 


just-  for  "&ppefcrfcnc« 


"Will  you  draw  it  up  yourself?  So  as  the  other  matter's 
all  right — no  flinching — you  may  stick  in  as  much  palaver, 
Gammon  !— ah,  ha  !— as  you  like !"  replied  Quirk ;  who,  as  the 
proposal  involved  only  a  greater  measure  of  discourtesy  on 
his  part,  without  any  sacrifice  of  his  interest,  regarded  it 
with  perfect  indifference.  He  took  his  leave  of  Gammon  in 
better  spirits  than  those  which  he  had  carried  with  him.  It 


362  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

having  been  thus  determined  that  within  a  day  or  two's 
time  Mr.  Aubrey  should  be  required  to  pay  the  whole  balance, 
under  penalty  of  an  arrest — Gammon,  on  being  left  alone, 
meditated  on  the  probable  results  of  this  first  hostile  move 
against  Mr.  Aubrey.  "  I  wonder  whether  she's  told  him," 
thought  he,  with  a  slight  palpitation — which  was  somewhat 
increased  by  a  pretty  sharp  knock  at  his  outer  door.  The 
next  minute  beheld  him  ushering  into  his  room,  with  a  sur- 
prising degree  of  self-possession,  Mr.  Aubrey,  whose  counte- 
nance showed  embarrassment  and  agitation. 

"I  have  called  upon  you,  Mr.  Gammon,"  commenced  Au- 
brey, "  in  consequence  of  your  interview  with  my  sister — your 
most  extraordinary  proposal  to  her." 

Mr.  Gammon  listened  respectfully,  with  an  air  of  earnest 
attention,  evidently  not  intending  to  make  any  reply. 

"  It  cannot  surprise  you,  sir,  that  I  should  have  been  made 
acquainted  with  it  immediately  on  my  return  home  yesterday 
evening.  Sir,  she  has  told  me  all  that  passed  between  you." 

"  I  cannot  presume  to  find  fault  with  anything  Miss  Aubrey 
may  have  thought  proper  to  do;  she  cannot  do  wrong,"  re- 
plied Gammon,  calmly.  "  If  I  have  done  anything  calculated 
to  inflict  the  slightest  pain  upon  a  lady  for  whom  I  have  so 
profound  a  respect,  I  am  distressed  beyond  measure." 

"  I  perfectly  appreciate,  Mr.  Gammon,  the  position  in  which 
we  stand  with  regard  to  each  other,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey,  with 
forced  calmness.  "Tho  I  am  fearfully  changed  in  respect 
of  fortune,  I  am  not  a  whit  changed — we  are  none  of  us 
changed"  he  continued  proudly,  "in  respect  of  personal 
feeling  and  character.  And  let  me,  Mr.  Gammon,  inform  you 
that  both  my  sister  and  I  have  felt  vivid  dissatisfaction  at 
your  conduct  of  yesterday;  and  I  have  deemed  it  expedient  to 
lose  no  time  in  informing  you  that  your  proposals  are  out  of 
the  question,  and  can  never  be  entertained,  under  any  circum- 
stances, for  one  moment." 

Had  Aubrey  been,  at  that  moment  in  the  position  he  had 
formerly  occupied,  instead  of  the  mere  pauper  he  really  was, 
in  the  presence  of  one  whom  he  knew  to  be  able  to  cast  him 
instantly  into  prison,  he  could  not  have  spoken  with  more 
dignified  determination  and  even  hauteur. 

"  I  am  undoubtedly  aware,  sir,  of  the  disparity  between 
Miss  Aubrey  and  myself  in  point  of  position,"  said  he  coldly. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  363 

"  I  have  said  nothing  of  the  kind  that  I  am  aware  of,  nor 
would  I,  on  any  account,  say  anything  offensive  to  you,  Mr. 
Gammon ;  but  it  is  my  duty  to  speak  explicitly  and  decisively. 
I  therefore  now  beg  you  to  understand  that  your  overtures 
must  not,  in  any  shape,  or  at  any  time,  be  renewed;  and 
this  I  must  insist  upon  without  assigning  or  suggesting  any 
reason  whatever." 

Gammon  listened  attentively  and  silently. 

"I  presume,  Mr.  Gammon,  that  I  cannot  be  misunder- 
stood?" 

"It  would  be  difficult  to  misunderstand  what  you  say, 
sir,"  replied  Gammon;  in  whose  dark  bosom  Mr.  Aubrey's 
words  had,  as  it  were,  stung  and  roused  the  serpent  PRIDE. 
But  Mr.  Gammon's  external  manner  was  calm  and  subdued. 

"  It  gives  me  pain  to  be  forced  to  add,  Mr.  Gammon,  that 
after  what  has  taken  place,  we  all  of  us  feel — that — it  will  be 
better  for  you  to  discontinue  your  visits  at  my  house.  I  am 
sure  your  own  sense  of  delicacy  will  appreciate  the  necessity 
which  exists  for  such  a  suggestion  on  my  part?" 

"  I  perfectly  understand  you,  Mr.  Aubrey,"  replied  Gam- 
mon, in  the  same  grave  and  guarded  manner  which  he  had 
preserved  throughout  their  interview.  "I  shall  offer  no 
apology,  sir,  for  conduct  which  I  do  not  feel  to  require  one. 
I  conceive  that  I  had  a  perfect  right  to  make,  with  all  due 
deference  and  respect,  the  offer  which  it  appears  has  given  you 
so  much  offense."  Then  he  proceeded,  with  a  little  excitement 
of  manner :  "  There  are  dangers  menacing  you,  Mr.  Aubrey, 
of  the  most  serious  description,  which  I  may  possibly  be  un- 
able to  avert  from  you !  I  regret  to  say  that  I  can  answer 
for  others  no  longer.  I  have  been  most  bitterly  disappointed ; 
but  you  shall  ever  find  me  a  man  of  my  word — of  as  high  and 
rigid  honor  even  as  yourself" — he  paused,  and  felt  that  he 
had  made  an  impression  on  his  silent  auditor—"  and  I  hereby 
pledge  myself,  in  the  presence  of  God,  that  so  far  as  in  me 
lies,  there  shall  not  a  hair  of  any  of  your  heads  be  touched." 

"  Well,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Aubrey,  sighing  deeply,  "  I  can  only 
place  my  trust  in  Providence— and  I  do.  I  have  suffered  much 
already;  and  if  it  be  the  will  of  Heaven  that  I  should  suffer 
more,  I  hope  it  will  be  proved  that  I  have  not  suffered  al- 
ready— in  vain!1 

"  Mr.  Aubrey,"  said  Gammon,  gazing  at  him  with  a  bright- 


364  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

ening  eye,  "  my  very  soul  owns  the  sublime  presence  of  VIRTUE 
in  your  person  !  It  is  exalting — it  is  ennobling — merely  to  be 
permitted  to  witness  so  heroic  an  example  of  constancy  as 
you  exhibit!"  He  paused,  and  for  some  moments  there  was 
silence.  "You  do  not  distrust  me,  Mr.  Aubrey?"  said  Gam- 
mon at  length,  with  a  confident  air. 

"No,  Mr.  Gammon!"  replied  Mr.  Aubrey,  eying  him  stead- 
fastly, "  I  am  not  aware  that  I  ever  had  any  reason  for 
doing  so." 

Shortly  afterward  he  took  his  departure;  and  as  he  bent 
his  steps  slowly,  and  with  thoughtful  air,  toward  the  Tem- 
ple, he  saw  one  or  two  things,  on  his  own  part,  during  his 
interview  with  Gammon,  to  regret — his  sternness  and  pride; 
but  nothing  on  the  part  of  Gammon  that  had  not  been 
admirable.  Could  Mr.  Aubrey,  however,  but  have  seen  the 
satanic  smile  which  settled  upon  Mr.  Gammon's  features,  as 
soon  as,  after  cordially  shaking  his  hand,  he  had  calmly  shut 
the  door  upon  Mr.  Aubrey,  it  might  have  occasioned  some 
few  misgivings  as  to  that  gentleman's  sincerity.  Mr.  Gam- 
mon resumed  his  seat  and  meditated  upon  their  recent  in- 
terview. Long  he  considered  the  subject,  in  every  point  of 
view;  and  at  length  sketched  off  the  following  draft  of  a  letter 
to  be  copied  by  Mr.  Quirk  : 

"  DEAR  SIR  :  Owing  to  a  most  serious  and  unexpected 
pecuniary  outlay  which  we  are  called  upon  to  make,  we  feel 
ourselves  compelled  to  avail  ourselves  of  whatever  resources 
lie  within  our  reach.  Having  been  disappointed  in  several 
quarters,  we  are  obliged  to  remind  you  of  the  heavy  balance 
we  have  against  you  of  ,£1,446  145.  6d.  You  must  be  aware 
of  the  length  of  time  during  which  it  has  been  standing,  and 
trust  you  will  forgive  us  if  we  at  length  apprise  you  that  it 
is  absolutely  impossible  for  us  to  allow  of  any  more  delay. 
Unless,  therefore,  the  whole  of  the  above  balance,  or  at  least 
^"1,000  of  it,  be  paid  within  three  days  of  the  date  hereof,  we 
regret  to  inform  you  we  have  finally  made  up  our  minds  to 
let  the  law  take  its  usual  course. 

"In  writing  thus,  Messrs.  Quirk  and  Snap  feel  it  only  due 
to  their  partner,  Mr.  Gammon,  to  add  that  he  is  no  party  to 
this  application.  Messrs.  Q.  and  S.  have  felt,  however,  that 
the  interests  of  the  firm  have  already  suffered  long  enough, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  365 

through  their  deference  to  the  personal  wishes  and  feelings  of 
one  member,  but  for  whom  their  heavy  balance  would  have 
been  called  for  long  ago,  and,  no  doubt,  in  due  course  dis- 
charged. 

"We  regret  being  unable  to  vary  or  depart  from  the  de- 
termination above  expressed;  and  most  sincerely  hope  your 
resources  are  of  that  nature  that  we  shall  be  spared  the  un- 
pleasantness of  letting  the  law  take  its  usual  course." 

Exactly  on  the  seventh  day  from  that  on  which  Mr.  Gam- 
mon had  made  his  ill-omened  advances  toward  Miss  Aubrey, 
did  the  above  dreadful  and  heartless  letter  reach  its  destina- 
tion. 

What  was  to  be  done  in  this  fearful  emergency,  none  of 
them  knew — except  to  consent  to  an  immediate  sale  of  all 
their  plate,  books,  and  furniture.  Their  affliction,  indeed, 
knew  no  bounds.  Even  Mr.  Aubrey,  tho  for  a  long  time  he 
bore  up  heroically,  was  at  length  overcome  by  the  agonies  of 
the  dear  beings  whose  ruin  was  involved  in  his  own. 

Had  not  Gammon  been  prompt  in  his  vengeance?  So 
thought  they  all. 

Aubrey  hurried  off,  the  next  morning,  in  consternation,  to 
Messrs.  Runnington.  Mr.  Runnington,  with  a  heavy  heart 
and  a  gloomy  countenance,  set  off  instantly,  alone,  to  the 
office  of  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap.  He  saw  Mr. 
Gammon,  who  told  him,  with  a  well-dissembled  air  of  disgust, 
to  go  in  to  Mr.  Quirk  or  Mr.  Snap.  He  did  so,  and  found 
them  inexorable.  Mr.  Quirk  doggedly  told  Mr.  Runnington 
that  he  had  been  out  of  pocket  long  enough,  and  would  not 
be  fooled  by  one  of  his  own  partners  any  longer.  Mr.  Run- 
nington quitted  them,  fairly  at  his  wits'  end;  and,  on  his 
return,  told  Mr.  Aubrey,  whom  he  had  left  at  his  office,  that 
he  had  done,  and  could  do,  "nothing  with  the  vultures  of 
Saffron  Hill."  He  knew  not,  in  fact,  what  suggestion  to 
offer — what  scheme  to  devise — to  extricate  Mr.  Aubrey  from 
his  present  dreadful  dilemma.  As  for  applying  for  pecuniary 
assistance  from  friends,  Mr.  Aubrey's  soul  revolted  at  the 
bare  thought.  Was  not  one  alone  of  his  generous  friends  at 
that  moment  under  a  liability  on  his  behalf  of  more  than  ten 
thousand  pounds?  No:  with  gloomy  composure  he  felt  that, 
at  last,  his  hour  was  come. 


366  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Kate,  however,  got  desperate ;  and,  unknown  to  her  brother 
wrote  off  a  long — a  heartrending  letter  to  good  old  Lady 
Stratton,  whose  goddaughter  she  was,  telling  her  everything. 
She  took  it  very  early  in  the  morning,  herself,  to  the  post- 
office,  and  awaited  the  issue  with  fearful  solicitude. 

I  have  hardly  heart  to  recount  the  events  which  followed 
upon  poor  Kate's  adventure;  but  they  form  a  striking  ex- 
emplification of  the  mysterious  manner  in  which  frequently 
Providence,  for  its  own  awful  and  wise  purposes,  sees  fit  to 
accumulate  troubles  and  sorrows  upon  the  virtuous. 

Old  Lady  Stratton  had  been  for  some  months  in  very  feeble 
health,  and  the  receipt  of  Kate's  letter  occasioned  her  infinite 
distress.  It  will  be  remembered  that  she  had  long  before 
effected  a  policy  of  insurance  upon  her  life  for  ^15,000,  al- 
ways intending  to  bequeath  it  as  a  little  portion  to  poor 
Kate.  She  had  many  months  before  given  the  necessary  in- 
structions to  her  solicitor,  Mr.  Parkinson,  for  making  her  will, 
so  as  to  carry  into  effect  her  kind  intentions  toward  Kate, 
bequeathing  also  legacies  of  ^500  apiece  to  each  of  Mr.  Au- 
brey's little  children.  At  the  time  when  Kate's  letter  arrived, 
her  ladyship's  will  had  not  been  executed,  but  still  lay,  merely 
in  draft,  at  Mr.  Parkinson's  office. 

Feeling  greatly  indisposed,  however,  shortly  after  she  had 
received  Miss  Aubrey's  letter,  she  sent  off  an  express  to  Mr. 
Parkinson  to  attend  with  her  will;  and,  a  few  minutes  after- 
ward her  attendants  found  it  necessary  to  send  off  another 
express  for  her  physician,  Dr.  Goddart.  Before  drawing  a 
check  for  the  sum  of  £700  or  ;£8oo,  which  she  intended  in- 
stantly to  place  at  Mr.  Aubrey's  disposal,  she  awaited  Mr. 
Parkinson's  return,  that  he — who  managed  all  her  affairs — 
might  inform  her  of  the  exact  balance  then  at  her  banker's. 
He  was  absent  from  Grilston  when  the  express  arrived ;  but  he 
was  followed,  and  about  seven  o'clock  that  evening  entered 
Lady  Stratton's  residence,  carrying  with  him  the  draft  of  her 
will,  ready  prepared  for  execution.  His  chief  clerk  also  accom- 
panied him,  lest,  by  any  possibility,  a  witness  should  be  want- 
ing. The  countenances  of  the  domestics  warned  him  that  there 
was  not  one  moment  to  be  lost;  and  he  hastened  at  once  into 
Lady  Stratton's  bedchamber.  A  hasty  whisper  from  Dr. 
Goddart  apprised  him  of  the  very  critical  situation  of  Lady 
Stratton.  Writing  materials  stood  ready  prepared  in  the 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


367 


room  against  Mr.  Parkinson's  arrival.  She  recognized  him  on 
his  passing  the  foot  of  the  bed,  and  in  a  feeble  voice  whis- 
pered, "My  will!— my  will!" 

But  it  was  too  late.  Before  the  pen  could  be  placed  within 
her  fingers,  those  fingers  had  become  incapable  of  holding  it 
— for  Lady  Stratton  at  that  moment  experienced  the  para- 
lytic seizure  which  Dr.  Goddart  had  been  dreading  for  three 
or  four  hours  before.  She  lingered  till  about  nine  o'clock  the 
next  morning,  when,  in  the  presence  of  Mr.  Parkinson,  who 


had  not  quitted  the  room  for  one  instant,  death  released  the 
venerable  sufferer.  She  had  thus  died  intestate ;  and  all  her 
personal  property  became  the  property  of  her  ladyship's  next 
of  kin.  Had  this  even  happened  but  two  years  before,  that 
next  of  kin  would  have  been — Mr.  Aubrey ;  but  now — will  the 
reader  have  patience  to  read  it? — that  next  of  kin  was — 
TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE! 

Yes,  Mr.  Titmouse  had  now  become  entitled  to  all  the 
goods,  chattels,  credits,  and  effects  which  were  of  the  late 
Lady  Stratton;  and  before  she  had  been  laid  in  Yatton 


368  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

churchyard,  Mr.  Parkinson  received  a  letter  from  Messrs. 
Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap,  as  the  solicitors  of  Mr.  Titmouse, 
giving  him  formal  notice  of  the  title  of  their  client,  and 
requesting  Mr.  Parkinson  to  lose  no  time  in  making  an  in- 
ventory of  the  effects  of  her  ladyship.  Mr.  Gammon  himself 
went  down,  and  arrive.d  the  day  after  the  funeral.  Guess 
his  excitement  on  discovering  the  windfall  which  came  to  his 
client,  Mr.  Titmouse,  in  the  policy  of  ;£  15,000,  the  existence 
of  which  they  had,  of  course,  never  dreamed  of! 

But  there  was  another  discovery,  which  occasioned  him  not 
a  little  excitement,  as  his  flushed  cheek  and  suspended  breath 
testified — alas !  poor  Aubrey's  BOND  for  £2,000,  with  interest 
at  five  per  cent.! — an  instrument  which  poor  Lady  Stratton, 
having  always  intended  to  destroy,  latterly  imagined  that  she 
had  actually  done  so.  It  had,  however,  got  accidentally 
mingled  with  other  papers,  which  had  found  their  way  in  the 
ordinary  course  to  Mr.  Parkinson,  and  who  was  himself 
ignorant  of  its  existence,  since  it  lay  folded  in  a  letter  ad- 
dressed to  Lady  Stratton,  till  it  turned  up  while  he  was  sort- 
ing the  papers,  in  obedience  to  the  instructions  of  Messrs. 
Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap.  He  turned  pale  and  red  by 
turns,  as  he  held  the  accursed  document  in  his  fingers ;  proba- 
bly, thought  he,  no  one  on  earth  but  himself  knew  of  its 
existence;  and — but  his  sense  of  duty  prevailed.  Of  course 
the  obligee  of  the  bond,  and,  as  such,  entitled  to  the  princi- 
pal money  secured  by  it,  together  with  all  arrears  of  interest 
which  might  be  due  upon  it,  was  now  Mr.  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE. 


CHAPTER  XXVII 

WHEREIN    THE   AUBREYS   FALL   TO   THE    LOWEST   DEPTHS   OF 

THEIR  MISFORTUNES,   WHICH  THEY  YET  BEAR  WITH 

UNFALTERING  FORTITUDE 

"FLY!  Fly! — for  God's  sake  fly  !  Lose  not  one  moment  of 
the  precious  respite  which,  by  incredible  efforts,  I  have  con- 
trived to  secure  you — a  respite  of  but  a  few  hours — and  wrung 
from  heartlessness  and  rapacity.  In  justice,  much  injured 
man !  to  yourself— to  all  you  hold  dear  upon  earth — to  the 
precious  interests  entrusted  to  your  keeping  and  involved  in 
your  destruction — again  I  say,  Fly  !  Quit  the  country,  if  it  be 
but  for  never  so  short  a  time,  till  you  or  your  friends  shall 
have  succeeded  in  arranging  your  disordered  affairs.  /  see  the 
rack  preparing  for  you  !—  Will  you  stay  to  be  tortured  ? — and 
in  the  presence  of  the  incomparable  beings  who — but  my 
feelings  overpower  me !  Indeed,  Mr.  Aubrey,  if  you  disregard 
this  note,  through  weak  fears  as  to  its  writer's  sincerity,  or  a 
far  weaker  and  a  wild  notion  of  Quixotic  honor  and  heroism 
— remember,  in  the  moment  of  being  overwhelmed,  this  note — 
and  then,  do  justice  to  its  writer. — Your  faithful,  unhappy, 
distrusted  friend,  O.  G. 

"  P.S. — For  God's  sake  burn  or  otherwise  destroy  this  note 
as  soon  as  you  shall  have  read  it." 

Such  was  the  letter  which  found  its  way  into  Mr.  Aubrey's 
hands,  just  as  the  time  which  had  been  fixed  by  Messrs. 
Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap,  for  payment  of  their  bill,  was 
expiring.  It  had  found  him  in  a  state  of  the  deepest  depres- 
sion—but yet  vigorously  striving  to  preserve  at  least  an 
appearance  of  composure  in  the  presence  of  his  wife  and 
sister. 

As  Mr.  Aubrey  was  re-perusing  the  letter,  he  heard  a  knock 
at  the  street  door — an  ordinary  single  knock,  such  as  was  by 
no  means  unusual  at  that  period  of  the  morning;  yet,  he 
24 


370 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


scarce  knew  why — it  disconcerted  him.    He  kept,  however,  his 
eye  upon  the  letter,  while  he  heard  the  maid  opening  the  door, 


You're  irny  prisoner, 


and  there  stood  behind  the  terror-stricken  girl  a  tall  stout 
man  in  a  drab  great-coat,  with  a  slouched  hat,  and  a  thick 
walking-stick  in  his  hand — looking  over  her  shoulder  into  the 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  371 

parlor,  whose  dismayed  occupants  soon  shared  the  panic  of 
poor  Fanny. 

"  Beg  your  pardon,  sir,"  said  he,  civilly  advancing  into  the 
room  and  removing  his  hat,  "is  your  name  Charles  Au- 
brey?" 

"It  is,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey. 

"  You're  my  prisoner,  sir,"  said  the  man,  stepping  close  up 
to  the  wretched  Aubrey  and  touching  him  on  the  shoulder, 
at  the  same  time  holding  out  a  thin  slip  of  paper— the  war- 
rant by  virtue  of  which  he  was  then  acting.  The  moment 
that  he  advanced  toward  Mr.  Aubrey  a  dreadful  shriek 
burst  from  Mrs.  Aubrey  and  Kate,  who  sprang  forward  and 
threw  their  arms  wildly  round  him. 

"Will  you  let  me  look  at  your  warrant?"  said  Mr.  Au- 
brey. Glancing  over  it,  he  saw  that  he  was  arrested  for 
fourteen  hundred  pounds  and  upward,  at  the  suit  of  Messrs. 
Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap. 

"  You  see,  sir,  it's  only  my  duty  to  do  this  here,"  said  the 
officer  respectfully. 

"For  mercy's  sake,  Agnes!  Kate!  as  you  love  me! — be 
calm !  You  afflict  me  beyond  measure,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey, 
who,  tho  he  had  grown  very  pale,  yet  preserved  under  the 
circumstances  a  remarkable  degree  of  self-possession. 

"  Oh,  mercy !  mercy !  for  God's  sake  have  mercy  on  him ! 
on  us!"  exclaimed  Kate. 

"Charles!  My  love!"  murmured  Mrs.  Aubrey  faintly, 
"  they  surely  will  not  separate  us  ?  Oh  !  let  us  go  together ; 
I  don't  care  where  we  go  to,  so  long  as  I  am  with  you." 

"  Do  not  ask  it,  my  darling ! "  replied  Mr.  Aubrey  tenderly, 
as  he  supported  her  in  his  arm.  "  I  shall  be  exposed  to  but 
little  inconvenience,  I  am  certain;  there  can  be  no  violence  or 
insult  offered  me  so  long  as  I  submit  myself  peaceably  to  the 
laws !  And  I  shall  soon,  please  God,  be  back  ! " 

Thus  Mr.  Aubrey  endeavored  by  all  the  means  in  his  power 
to  soothe  and  pacify  his  wretched  companions. 

"Can  I  speak  a  word  with  you  alone  before  I  go?"  he 
presently  inquired  of  the  officer. 

"In  course,  sir,"  replied  Grab;  and,  promising  to  return 
within  a  minute  or  two's  time,  Mr.  Aubrey  quitted  the  room 
with  Grab  close  at  his  heels;  and  presently  they  were  both 
standing  in  his  little  study. 


372  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"Who  gave  you  your  instructions  in  this  matter?" 

"Mr.  Snap — it  was  him  that  brought  this  warrant  to 
me " 

"Are  you  sure?    Was  it  not  Mr.  Gammon?" 

"  No,  sir — Snap — Snap ;  that  little  cockatoo  of  a  chap.  Mr. 
Gammon  called  at  my  office  half  an  hour  afterward,  to  be 
sure " 

"I  thought  so,"  interrupted  Mr.  Aubrey  quickly. 

"  Ay,"  continued  Grab,  phlegmatically,  "  he'll  see  you  don't 
come  to  much  harm  in  this  matter ' 

"What  do  you  mean?" 

"  Lord !  I  could  tell  by  his  way.  He  called  to  say  that, 
since  they  had  resolved  to  go  agin  you,  he  hoped  we'd  show 
you  every  attention  and  deal  easy  by  you.  And  I  think  he 
said  it  was  a  cruel  business,  and  that,  as  for  him,  he  washed 
his  hands  on't!"  Mr.  Aubrey  seemed  confounded. 

"  I  don't  somehow  think  him  and  his  partners  are  on  the 
best  of  terms  together — but  that's  no  business  o'  mine,  you 
know,  sir !  And  now,  sir,  excuse  me,  but  we  must  be  jog- 
ging." 

"  But,  my  friend,  is  there  really  no  way  by  which  I  can 
delay  accompanying  you  for  a  few  hours — 

"Oh,  can't,  sir — //^possible!" 

"You  can  remain  in  possession  here — I  will  be  in  your 
custody — I  have  a  little  plate,  books,  and  furniture,  which 
would  surely  stand  sufficient  security " 

"It's  no  use,  sir;  go  you  must — and  that  without  much 
longer  shilly-shallying.  It's  no  use!" 

Aubrey  seemed  for  a  moment  overpowered  by  his  emotions. 

"I  fear,  myself,  that  there  is  no  alternative,"  said  he; 
"  but  it  will  almost  break  the  hearts  of  those  ladies — one  of 
whom  is  my  wife "  His  voice  faltered. 

"Now,  my  own  Agnes!  my  sweet  Kate!"  commenced  Au- 
brey, in  a  low  earnest  tone,  having  returned  to  them  and 
bolted  the  door  to  secure  themselves  from  interruption  during 
the  few  precious  moments  which  remained  to  them  by  the 
unusual  kindness  of  the  officer,  "  I  must,  within  a  very  few 
minutes,  leave  you !  Remember — remember,  loves !  I  am 
unfortunate,  but  I  am  not  disgraced — I  look  on  this  as  a 
dispensation  of  Providence — a  wise  and  good  Providence;  let 
us  all  learn  submission — resignation !  Whether  or  not  we 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  373 

are  really  the  victims  of  treachery  and  hypocrisy,  I  am 
unable  at  present  to  tell;  but  let  us  learn  to  bear  this  last 
crowning  indignity  with  the  fortitude  of  Christians !— rely- 
ing on  it,  that  God  will  overrule  the  most  trying  and  dis- 
astrous events  for  our  good!"  While  he  was  speaking  Mrs. 
Aubrey  suddenly  quitted  the  room,  and  after  a  moment's 
absence  returned,  her  pallid,  agitated  countenance  overspread 
with  a  wild  smile  of  delight,  as  she  exclaimed  breathlessly  : 
"  There,  love  !  dearest  Charles  !  He  says  there  is  no  harm  in 
the  world  in  going  with  you  in  the  coach— and,  indeed,  we 
may  have  rooms  to  ourselves!" 

"  My  sweet  Agnes — 

"  I  will— I  will  go  with  you,  Charles !  Nothing  shall  prevent 
me — even  if  I  leave  you  at  the  door  of  the  place  you  are 
going  to  ! "  It  was  in  vain  for  Mr.  Aubrey  to  protest — as  he 
did,  both  earnestly  and  vehemently;  her  impassioned  im- 
portunities were  irresistible,  and  she  rushed  breathlessly  up- 
stairs to  prepare  her  dress  to  accompany  him  on  his  brief 
but  melancholy  journey.  Within  a  very  few  minutes  she  re- 
turned, just  as  the  sound  of  the  coach  wheels  approaching 
the  door  was  heard. 

After  embracing  his  weeping  sister  and  his  frightened  chil- 
dren, he  supported  Mrs.  Aubrey,  Grab  closely  following  them, 
into  the  coach.  As  they  went  along,  in  answer  to  Aubrey's 
anxious  inquiries  concerning  the  nature  of  the  scenes  which 
awaited  him,  Mr.  Grab  told  him  that  his — Grab's— lockup 
was  in  Chancery  Lane,  and  would  be  found  as  comfortable 
a  place  as  need  be.  He  informed  his  prisoner,  further,  that 
he  might  have  his  choice — whether  to  occupy  a  private 
room,  with  a  bedroom  opening  into  it — or  go  into  the  public 
room,  where  would  be  also  some  dozen  other  debtors,  and  in 
which  case,  of  course,  Mrs.  Aubrey  must  return  home  alone. 
Mr.  Aubrey  inquired  what  would  be  the  expense  of  the  private 
room,  and  was  horrified  on  hearing — two  guineas  and  a  half 
a  day,  paid  in  advance !  exclusive  of  board  and  attendance, 
which  doubtless  would  be  charged  for  on  a  commensurate 
scale.  The  prisoner  and  his  wife  gazed  at  each  other  in 
silence  and  felt  sick  at  heart. 

"  The  smallest  room — at  the  very  top  of  the  house — would 
suffice  for  both  a  sitting-room  and  bedroom,"  said  Aubrey, 
"and  we  do  not  care  a  straw  for  furniture " 


374  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"  The  room  I  told  you  of,  or  the  public  room,  is  all  I've  to 
offer  you,"  replied  Grab,  somewhat  doggedly.  Sick  at  heart 
his  wretched  companions  continued  silent  for  the  remainder  of 
the  journey,  till  the  coach  drew  up  opposite  the  door  of  the 
house  of  which  they  had  been  speaking. 

They  descended,  followed  up  the  steps  of  the  house  closely 
by  Grab.  Their  hearts  failed  them  as  they  heard  the  sound 
of  heavy  jingling  keys  from  within  opening  the  door;  and  the 
next  moment  they  stood  within  a  short,  narrow,  and  dark 
passage. 

"  This  here's  the  public  room,"  quoth  Grab,  opening  a  door 
on  his  left,  through  which  they  caught  a  glimpse  of  a  number 
of  men — some  smoking;  others  sitting  with  their  feet  on  the 
table  reading  the  newspapers;  others  playing  at  cards;  and 
almost  all  of  them  drinking,  and  either  laughing,  talking,  or 
singing. 

"Now,  sir,  does  this  here  suit  your  fancy?"  inquired  Grab, 
rather  sharply.  Mr.  Aubrey  felt  his  wife  leaning  heavily  on 
his  arm.  "Mercy!  I  shall  faint!  I  feel  choked!"  she  whis- 
pered. 

"Show  us  instantly  up-stairs,  to  your  private  room — cost 
what  it  may,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey  hastily. 

"  It's  only  fair  to  tell  you,  sir,  you  pay  in  advance — and  for 
the  whole  day,  tho  you  should  be  out  again  in  a  quarter  of 
an  hour's  time — it's  the  rule  of  the  house." 

"Show  us  up-stairs,  sir,  without  delay,"  said  Mr.  Aubrey 
peremptorily. 

"Jemmy — show  'em  up  !"  exclaimed  Grab  briskly;  on  which 
Jem  went  forward,  followed  by  Mr.  Aubrey,  almost  entirely 
supporting  Mrs.  Aubrey — who  appeared  very  faint — up  the 
narrow  and  angular  staircase.  This  led  them  into  a  tolerably 
well-furnished  room;  and  Mrs.  Aubrey,  on  entering  it,  sank 
exhausted  on  the  sofa.  Here,  again,  the  two  windows  were 
strongly  secured  with  iron  bars,  which  gave  a  peculiarly  mis- 
erable appearance  to  the  room.  The  unhappy  couple  gazed 
around  them  for  a  moment  in  silence. 

"  Beg  your  pardon,  sir,"  said  Grab,  entering  the  room, 
"but  must  trouble  you  for  two,  twelve,  six;  always  pay  in 
advance,  as  I  told  you  a-coming." 

Aubrey,  involuntarily  shuddering,  took  out  his  pocket- 
book — Mrs.  Aubrey  bursting  into  tears — and  handed  to  Grab 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  375 

the  only  money  he  had— a  five-pound  note,  requesting 
change.  Meanwhile  he  earnestly  begged  him  to  send  off  a 
message  instantly,  with  his  card,  to  Mr.  Runnington. 

"A  couple  of  shillings  for  the  man,  sir,"  said  Grab,  and, 
having  received  it,  he  withdrew,  leaving  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Aubrey 
to  themselves  for  nearly  an  hour  and  a  half;  at  the  end  of 
which  period,  their  hearts  leaped  for  joy  to  see  Mr.  Running- 
ton  enter  the  room,  with  a  countenance  full  of  concern  and 
sympathy. 

"Well,  but  you  shall  not  be  much  longer  in  this  hateful 
hole,  at  any  rate,"  sakl  he,  after  some  half-hour's  anxious 
conversation  with  them,  and,  ringing  the  bell,  he  directed  the 
man  to  send  Grab  up-stairs,  and  to  fetch  pen,  ink,  and  paper. 
In  a  few  minutes  Grab  appeared.  "You've  no  objection,  I 
suppose,  Grab,  to  discharge  Mr.  Aubrey  on  my  undertaking?" 

"In  course  not,  sir,"  replied  Grab  readily;  but  he  was  a 
good  deal  disappointed  at  so  abrupt  a  close  to  his  exactions. 
Mr.  Runnington  sat  down  and  began  to  write.  "  You  had 
better  send  off  to  the  office  and  see  if  there's  anything  else 
there,"  he  added  (meaning  that  Grab  should  search,  as  he 
was  bound  to  do,  for  any  other  writs  against  Mr.  Aubrey 
which  might  be  lodged  with  the  sheriff,  before  discharging 
his  prisoner  out  of  custody). 

"You  don't  apprehend  anything  there,  do  you?"  inquired 
Mr.  Runnington,  rather  seriously,  without  taking  his  eye 
from  the  paper  on  which  he  was  writing. 

"  Heaven  only  knows  !     But  I  think  not,"  replied  Aubrey. 

The  following  was  the  undertaking  given  by  Mr.  Running- 
ton,  and  which  operated  as  an  instant  release  of  his  oppressed 
and  truly  persecuted  client : 

"Aubrey  ats.  Quirk  and  others. 

"  We  hereby  undertake  to  procure  the  execution  of  a  good 
and  sufficient  bail-bond  herein,  for  the  above-named  defend- 
ant, in  due  time. 

"RUNNINGTON  &  Co. 

"  Defendant's  Attorneys. 

With  this  document  lying  before  them,  and  awaiting  the 
messenger's  return  from  the  sheriff's  office,  Mr.  Runnington 
and  Mr.  Aubrey  conversed  together  anxiously  on  the  subject 


376  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

of  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap's  bill.  Mr.  Aubrey  was 
sufficiently  acquainted  with  the  general  course  of  practise  to 
be  aware  that  beyond  requiring  him  to  put  in  bail  to  the 
action,  no  effectual  step  could  be  taken  against  him  for 
several  months  to  come;  so  that  he  had  an  interval  of  at 
least  four  months  in  which  "to  turn  himself  about,"  and 
endeavor  to  discover  some  mode  of  extricating  himself  from 
his  present  serious  dilemma.  After  reminding  Mr.  Aubrey 
that  neither  a  peer  of  the  realm,  nor  a  member  of  Parliament, 
nor  an  attorney  could  become  bail  for  him,  Mr.  Runnington 
requested  the  names  of  two  or  three  confidential  friends  to 
whom  he  might  apply  to  become  security  for  Mr.  Aubrey; 
and  as  he  should  be  at  any  time  able  to  exonerate  them  from 
liability  by  surrendering  his  person  to  his  creditors,  he  felt 
no  hesitation  in  applying  to  them  to  perform  for  him  this 
act  of  kindness.  "  By  the  way,"  said  Mr.  Runnington,  in  the 
course  of  their  conversation,  and  with  apparent  carelessness, 
"could  I  say  a  word  or  two  to  you  on  a  little  matter  of 
business?  And  will  Mrs.  Aubrey  excuse  us  for  a  moment?" 
turning  toward  her.  She  bowed  and  they  withdrew  for  a 
moment  into  the  adjoining  bedroom. 

"  Put  this  into  your  pocket,"  said  Mr.  Ruddington,  taking 
out  the  day's  newspaper;  "and  when  you  have  an  opportu- 
nity, read  the  account  of  what  took  place  yesterday  in  the 
Court  of  King's  Bench.  For  Heaven's  sake  don't  alarm  Mrs. 
Aubrey  or  Miss  Aubrey;  but,  if  anything  occurs  to  you,  do 
not  lose  one  moment  in  putting  yourself  into  communication 
with  us.  If  possible,  I  will  call  at  Vivian  Street  this  evening." 

Shortly  afterward  Grab  entered  the  room. 

"All  right,  sir!"  said  he  to  Mr.  Runnington,  and  added, 
turning  to  Mr.  Aubrey,  "you're  no  longer  in  my  custody,  sir; 
and  I  hope  you  won't  be,  in  a  hurry,  again!" 

"  O  Charles !  thank  God !  Let  us  not  stay  another  mo- 
ment!" exclaimed  Mrs.  Aubrey,  joyously  starting  up  and 
putting  on  her  bonnet.  "Oh,  let  us  get  once  more  into  the 
open  street !  — the  sweet  fresh  air !  — Kate  will  go  wild  with 
joy  to  see  us  again !  — O  dear  Mr.  Runnington !  how  can  we 
sufficiently  thank  you?"  she  added,  turning  toward  him  en- 
thusiastically. Within  a  few  minutes'  time  they  had  quitted 
that  dismal  scene ;  they  were  again  apparently  free.  On  first 
stepping  into  the  bright  cheering  sunlight  and  bustling 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  377 

noisy  street,  it  had  a  sort  of  freshness — of  novelty — to  them. 
It  seemed  to  the  Aubreys  as  if  ten  times  the  real  interval  had 
elapsed  between  their  entering  and  quitting  the  scene  of  his 
incarceration.  With  what  exhilarated  spirits  they  hastened 
homeward !  as  if  a  millstone  were  no  longer  suspended  from 
their  necks.  But  Mr.  Aubrey  suddenly  bethought  himself  of 
the  newspaper  given  him  by  Mr.  Runnington;  and  it  cost  him, 
indeed,  a  great  effort  to  assume  a  cheerfulness  so  foreign  to 
his  feelings. 

While,  however,  they  are  thus  walking  homeward,  let  me,  in 
order  to  enable  the  reader  to  appreciate  the  paragraph  to 
which  Mr.  Runnington  had  called  Aubrey's  attention,  turn 
from  the  virtuous  couple  to  trace  the  movements  of  that 
master-spirit  of  evil,  Mr.  Gammon.  What  had  passed  between 
him  and  Miss  Aubrey  and  her  brother  had  satisfied  him  that 
the  time  for  calling  into  action  all  his  forces  had  arrived; 
and  the  exact  end  he  proposed  to  himself  was  to  plunge  Mr. 
Aubrey  at  once  into  apparently  inextricable  and  hopeless 
difficulty — into  total  ruin — so  as  to  force  Miss  Aubrey  into 
entertaining  his  addresses,  as  the  sole  means  of  effecting  her 
brother's  liberation. 

For  this  purpose,  it  would  be  necessary  to  make  Mr.  Aubrey 
a  debtor  to  so  large  an  amount  as  would  preclude  the  inter- 
ference of  even  the  most  liberally  disposed  of  his  friends.  But 
the  mask  was  not  yet  to  be  thrown  off;  Gammon  resolved 
to  appear  the  firm  friend  of  Mr.  Aubrey  to  the  last ;  depreca- 
ting vehemently,  and  making  a  pretense  of  striving  to  avert 
from  him,  the  very  proceedings  which  he  was  all  the  while, 
with  secret  skill  and  vigor,  urging  on  against  him.  He  de- 
termined, therefore,  to  recall  Titmouse's  attention  to  the 
two  promissory  notes  for  ^5,000  each;  to  pretend  reluctance 
to  allow  them  to  be  put  in  suit,  and  yet  to  give  him  clearly 
to  understand  that  he  might  do  so,  without  giving  mortal 
offense  to  Gammon. 

He  had  just  arrived  at  this  decision,  when  a  sharp  knock 
at  his  door  announced  the  arrival  of  Mr.  Titmouse  himself. 
Poor  Titmouse  had  conceived,  since  his  memorable  interview 
with  Gammon,  a  violent  hatred  of  that  gentleman,  but  this 
was  almost  absorbed  in  his  dread  of  one  who  had  such  un- 
limited power  over  him.  The  sudden  and  serious  diminution 
of  his  income  by  Gammon's  rent-charge  almost  turned  his 


378  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

head  upside  down,  and  occasioned  a  pother  in  his  little  bos- 
om, which  was  all  the  greater  for  his  being  unable  to  admit 
any  sympathizing  friend  into  his  confidence.  He  had  become 
fidgety  and  irritable  to  a  degree;  his  countenance  and  de- 
meanor were  troubled  and  depressed :  from  all  of  which  the 
more  intimate  among  his  brother  senators  naturally  inferred 
that  he  had  lost  large  sums  at  play,  or  was  harassed  by  his 
election  expenses,  or  had  quarreled  with  his  mistress,  or  been 
found  out  by  his  wife ;  or  been  kicked,  and  dared  not  call  out 
the  aggressor,  or  that  some  other  such  accident  had  befallen 
him  as  frequently  happens  to  young  gentlemen  of  fashion. 

Now,  Titmouse  certainly  was  getting  into  rather  deep 
water.  Formidable  creditors  were  beginning  to  look  some- 
what sternly  after  him  from  various  quarters;  his  upholsterer 
was  becoming  troublesome ;  his  wine-merchant  insisted  on  at 
least  four  hundred  pounds  on  account;  Messrs.  Jewel  and 
Nicknack  were  surprised  at  having  received  no  payment  for 
sundry  expensive  articles  of  jewelry  and  virtu.  His  coach- 
maker,  his  tailor,  a  host  of  household  creditors,  were  getting 
very  restless :  he  had  a  running  account  of  some  .£600  or 
£800  at  the  Gliddington;  his  yacht  was  a  dreadful  drain  upon 
him ;  he  had  been  unfortunate  in  his  sporting  speculations ;  in 
short,  if  Gammon  had  his  anxieties,  so  had  Titmouse  his. 

He  felt  himself  getting  terribly  out  at  elbows ;  so  much  so, 
that  he  could  no  longer  give  that  calm  and  undivided  atten- 
tion to  his  parliamentary  duties  which  his  enlightened  con- 
stituents had  a  right  to  expect  at  his  hands :  and,  in  short, 
the  sole  occasion  of  his  calling  on  Gammon  was  to  see  if  that 
gentleman  could  devise  some  mode  of  once  more  replenishing 
his  empty  coffers — a  further  mortgage  on  the  Yatton  property 
being  the  exact  mode  of  doing  so  which  he  was  about  to 
propose  to  Gammon.  He  felt,  however,  that  it  required  some 
tact  to  broach  that  subject,  in  the  present  position  of  affairs ; 
so  he  avowed  that  he  had  called  to  see  if  Mr.  Gammon's 
deeds  were  ready  for  signing — as  he,  Titmouse,  was  anxious 
to  get  it  off  his  mind.  Time  was  very  precious  with  Mr. 
Gammon :  he  therefore  lost  not  a  moment  in  plucking  aside 
the  thin  disguise  of  Titmouse  and  discovering  the  real  object 
of  his  visit.  Mr.  Gammon  looked  very  serious,  indeed,  on 
hearing  the  account  of  Titmouse's  prodigal  expenditure,  and 
remonstrated  with  him  earnestly  and  even  authoritatively; 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  379 

but  it  instantly  occurred  to  him— could  there  possibly  be  a 
better  opportunity  for  broaching  the  subject  of  the  two 
promissory  notes? 

"  My  dear  Titmouse,"  said  he,  with  great  kindness  of  man- 
ner, "  notwithstanding  all  I  have  felt  it  my  duty  to  say,  I  do 
sincerely  wish  it  were  in  my  power  to  serve  you  in  this  emer- 
gency. But  we  really  must  spare  old  Yatton  for  a  little — 
you've  sadly  burdened  her  already; — we  shall  be  killing  the 
goose  to  get  at  the  golden  egg,  if  we  don't  mind  what  we're 
about!" 

" !  But  what  the  devil's  to  be  done,  Mr.  Gammon? 

For,  'pon  my  soul,  I'm  most  particular  hard  up,  and  some- 
thing must  be  done." 

"We  must  bethink  ourselves  of  our  other  resources,  my 
dear  sir — let  us  see."  He  paused,  with  his  hand  resting  on  his 
forehead  for  a  few  moments.  "  Oh  !  by  the  way — certainly," 
he  added  suddenly ;  "  but  no !  it's  a  thousand  pities ;  but  my 
word  is  pledged." 

"Eh?  what?  Does  anything  strike  you,  Gammon?  'Pon 
me  life,  what  is  it?"  inquired  Titmouse,  pricking  up  his  ears. 

"Why,  yes,  certainly,"  replied  Gammon  musingly;  adding, 
as  if  he  did  not  intend  Titmouse  to  hear  him,  "  to  be  sure  it 
would  put  ten  thousand — nay,  with  the  interest,  nearly 
eleven — 

"The  devil  it  would!  What  would?  My  stars,  Mr.  Gam- 
mon!" exclaimed  Titmouse  eagerly,  "do  let  us  know  what 
it  is!" 

"Why,  I  was  certainly  thinking,  at  the  moment,"  replied 
Gammon  with  a  sigh,  "  of  that  poor  devil  Aubrey's  two  notes 
for  ^5,000  apiece  and  interest." 

Titmouse's  face  suddenly  fell.  "O  Lord!  Is  that  all? 
Hang  the  fellow— he's  a  beggar— squeezed  dry— nothing  more 
to  be  got  out  of  him!"  he  exclaimed,  with  mingled  chagrin 
and  contempt.  "  A'n't  worth  powder  and  shot !  Blood  from 
a  stone— won't  have  anything  worth  taking  this  ten  years  to 
come!" 

"Poor  fellow!"  quoth  Gammon. 

"'Pon  my  soul,  Gammon,  it's  me  you  may  say  that  of,  I 
rather  think!" 

"  Why,"  said  Gammon,  glancing  rather  keenly  at  Titmouse, 
"  my  first  and  greatest  duty  on  earth,  my  dear  Titmouse,  is 


380  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

to  you — to  look  after,  to  secure  your  interests;  and  candor 
compels  me  to  say  that,  whatever  may  be  my  feelings  to- 
ward that  unfortunate  person,  still  I  think  you've  only  to 
squeeze  him  pretty  hard,  and  blood  would  come  from  other 
people.  Eh!  you  understand?" 

"By  Jove! — Indeed! — No!  But  would  it  really?  How? — 

Squeeze  away,  then,  and  be  !  Do  you  bring  an  action 

against  the  fellow  the  first  thing  in  the  morning !  Put  him 
in  jail  and  he'll  get  the  money,  I'll  warrant  him  !  Dem  the 
fellow !  why  don't  he  pay  his  debts !  It's  devilish  hard  on 
me,  a'n't  it?  Didn't  I  forgive  him  forty  thousand  pounds? 
By  the  way,  I'd  forgot  there  is  the  other  ten  thousand  that 
Lord  De  la  Zouch  is  surety  for — when  do  we  touch  that?" 

"  Oh !  we've  taken  a  bond  for  that,  which  will  not  fall  due 
before — let  me  see — the  24th  of  next  January." 

"'Pon  my  soul,  what  a  cursed  bore!  But  can't  one  do 
anything  with  it  before  then?" 

"What!     Sue  on  it  before  it's  due?" 

"  No — egad !  I  mean,  raise  the  wind  on  it.  Surely  Lord 
De  la  Zouch's  name  is — 

"Whew!"  thought  Gammon,  "that  stroke  certainly  had 
never  occurred  to  me !  — Aye,  he's  right,  the  little  fool !  Old 
Fang  will  advance  ^"8,000  or  ^"9,000  or  more,  even — I'll  see  to 
it,  by  Jove !"  Then  he  said  aloud  :  "  It  may  be  possible,  cer- 
tainly, my  dear  Titmouse;  but  I  see  very  great  obstacles  in 
the  way." 

"Some  cussed  law  point — eh?" 

"  Yes— but  I  assure  you  I  will  turn  my  best  attention  to  it," 
he  added,  and  proceeded  to  bring  back  Titmouse  to  the  point 
at  which  he  had  started  off.  "  And  speaking  of  poor  Aubrey — 
it's  certainly  true  that  you  have  been,  I  may  say,  extrava- 
gantly liberal  to  him — forbearing  beyond  example;  and  I 
can't  think  that  any  one  can  be  expected,  when  he  knows  a 
wave  of  his  hand  will  put  some  eleven  thousand  pounds  into 
his  pocket,  to  stand  by  idle  forever !  It  is  not  in  human 
nature " 

"Demme!  I  should  think  not!"  interposed  Titmouse. 

"  But  it  is  only  due  to  myself  to  say  /  can  be  no  party  to 
it,  since  I  have  solemnly  pledged  my  word  of  honor  to  Mr. " 

"What  the  devil  do  you  mean,  Gammon?  Cuss  me  if  I 
can  make  you  out  a  bit !"  interrupted  Titmouse  snappishly. 


382  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"  You  misunderstand  me,  my  dear  Titmouse !  Once  for  all, 
I  say,  if  you  want  the  money,  you  must  at  once  sue  on  these 
notes ;  and  my  opinion  is  you'll  get  the  money — only,  I  must 
not  appear  in  it,  you  know!  But  if  you  choose  to  employ 
some  other  solicitor — there's  that  Mr.  Spitfire,  for  instance — 
to  compel  me  to  give  up  the  notes — 

"O  Lord!  Honor!  No,  no! — So  bless  me,  Heaven!  I 
didn't  mean  anything  of  the  kind,"  cried  Titmouse  alarmedly, 
fearful  of  offending  Gammon. 

"  I  cannot  make  you  understand  me,  Titmouse !  What  I 
mean  is,  it  is  my  duty  not  to  let  my  feelings  interfere  with 
your  interests.  I,  therefore,  advise  you  immediately  to  put 
yourself  into  the  hands — as  far  as  this  business  is  concerned — 
of  some  other  solicitor,  say  Mr.  Spitfire,  in  Scorpion  Court; 
and  whatever  he  tells  you  to  do — do  without  hesitation.  You 
will  probably  tell  him  that,  if  he  demands  the  two  notes  on 
your  behalf,  I  may,  for  form's  sake,  resist;  but  I  know  I 
shall  be  ordered  to  give  them  up!  Well — I  can't  help  it!" 

"Honor  now,  Gammon!  May  I  do  as  I  like?"  inquired 
Titmouse. 

"On  my  sacred  word  of  honor!"  replied  Gammon. 

"Then,"  cried  Titmouse  joyfully,  snapping  his  fingers, 
"  here's  for  a  jolly  squeeze  !  Ah,  ha  !  Ten  thousand  drops  of 
blood! — by  Jove,  he'll  bleed  to  death!  But,  by  the  way, 
what  will  Mr.  Quirk  say?" 

"  Curse  Mr.  Quirk  !"  cried  Gammon  impatiently;  "you  know 
the  course  you  are  to  pursue — you  are  your  own  master, 
surely  ?" 

"  To  be  sure !  Well !  here's  a  go !  Wasn't  it  a  lucky 
thought  of  mine  to  come  here  to-night?  But  don't  you  for- 
get the  other  ten  thousand — the  two  makes  twenty  thousand, 
by  Jove !  I'm  set  up  again — ah,  ha !  And  as  soon  as  ever 
the  House  is  up,  if  I  don't  cut  away  in  my  span-new  yacht, 
with  a  lot  of  jolly  chaps,  to  the  East  Indies  or  some  other 
place  that'll  take  us  a  good  six  weeks  or  so  to  go  and  come 
back  in.  Hollo  !  Is  that  eleven  o'clock  striking?"  he  inquired 
with  a  start,  taking  out  his  watch.  "  It  is,  by  Jove !  and  my 
pair's  up;  they'll  be  dividing — I'm  off!  Good  night." 

"You  remember  where  Mr.  Spitfire  lives?"  said  Gammon 
anxiously.  "  In  Scorpion  Court,  Strand.  I  must  say  he's  one 
of  the  most  respectable  men  in  the  profession;  and  so  quick  !" 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  383 

"Ah— I  remember!  I'll  be  with  him  the  moment  after 
breakfast!"  replied  Titmouse.  Gammon  shook  him  by  the 
hand— feeling,  when  he  had  shut  both  his  doors,  as  if  he  had 
been  playing  with  an  ape. 

During  the  ensuing  day,  sure  enough,  he  received  a  letter 
signed  "•Simeon  Spitfire"  and  dated  from  "Scorpion  Court" 
informing  him  that  its  respectable  writer  "  was  instructed  to 
apply  to  him,  on  the  part  of  Mr.  Titmouse,  for  the  immediate 
delivery  up  of  two  promissory  notes  for  ^5,000  each,  given 
by  one  Charles  Aubrey  to  the  aforesaid  Titmouse,"  and  "  beg- 
ging Mr.  Gammon's  immediate  attention  thereto."  Gammon 
immediately  copied  out  and  sent  a  letter  which  he  had  pre- 
pared beforehand — taking  very  high  ground  indeed,  but  slip- 
ping in,  with  a  careful  inadvertence,  an  encouraging  admis- 
sion of  the  strict  legal  right  of  Mr.  Spitfire's  client.  Mr. 
Spitfire  instantly  forwarded  a  formal  and  peremptory  demand 
for  the  two  documents  in  question.  Whereupon  Gammon 
flatly  refused  to  give  up  the  instruments  demanded.— Mr. 
Spitfire  then  wrote  a  fine  flourishing  letter  to  wind  up  the 
correspondence,  in  the  course  of  which  he  apprised  Mr.  Gam- 
mon that  the  Court  of  King's  Bench  would  be  immediately 
applied  to  for  a  rule  calling  upon  him  forthwith  to  deliver 
up  the  documents  in  question,  which  order  was  of  course 
promptly  issued  to  him.  This  was  the  case  reported  in  the 
paper  given  to  Mr.  Aubrey  by  Mr.  Runnington. 

At  the  earliest  moment  at  which  Mr.  Aubrey  could,  with- 
out suspicion,  extricate  himself  from  the  embraces  of  his 
overjoyed  wife,  sister,  and  children,  on  his  return  to  Vivian 
Street,  he  withdrew  to  his  study,  in  order  to  despatch  some 
letters,  but  principally,  as  the  reader  may  easily  imagine,  to 
peruse  the  paper  given  him  by  Mr.  Runnington.  He  read 
through  the  'report  of  the  proceedings  with  exceeding  agita- 
tion and  felt  really  sick  at  heart. 

"O  unfathomable  Gammon!"  he  exclaimed  at  length, 
aloud,  laying  down  the  paper  and  sinking  into  his  chair. 
"Surely  I  am  the  weakest,  or  you  the  subtlest,  of  mankind  !' 
He  turned  over  in  his  thoughts  everything  that  he  could  rec- 
ollect of  Gammon's  conduct  from  the  first  moment  that  they 
had  met.  He  felt  completely  baffled  and  bewildered— and 
again  perused  the  report  of  the  proceedings  in  the  King^s 
Bench— and  would  have  again  relapsed  into  thought,  but  his 


384  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

eye  happened  to  alight  on  two  or  three  notes  lying  on  his 
table.  He  opened  the  first  listlessly ;  but,  on  unfolding  it,  he 
started  violently  on  recognizing  the  handwriting  of  Gammon 
within ;  and  with  mingled  wonder  and  fear  read  as  follows  : 

"  DEAR  SIR  :  God  only  knows  when  or  where  these  hasty 
lines  will  find  you.  I  am  forced  to  address  them  to  Vivian 
Street,  being  in  ignorance  of  your  intended  movements.  My 
conscience  bears  me  witness  that  I  can  say — I  can  do — no 
more  on  your  behalf.  I  am  grossly  misrepresented.  In  the 
Morning  Growl  of  to-day  you  will  probably  see — if  you  have 
not  already  seen — the  report  of  some  proceedings  against  me, 
yesterday,  in  the  Court  of  King's  Bench.  It  may  apprise  you 
of  the  last  desperate  stand  I  have  made  in  your  behalf. 
Alas !  you  must  prepare  for  the  worst !  Mr.  Titmouse  and 
his  new  adviser  can  have,  of  course,  but  one  object  in  requir- 
ing the  surrender  of  the  two  promissory  notes,  which  I  have 
already  been  compelled  to  give  up,  under  peril  of  an  attach- 
ment for  contempt  of  court.  Yet,  once  more — if  you  are  not 
blinded  and  infatuated  beyond  all  example  or  belief — I  implore 
you,  in  the  name  of  Heaven — by  every  consideration  that 
should  influence  a  man  of  honor  and  of  feeling — fly  ! — lose  not 
a  second  after  reading  these  lines  (which  I  entreat  you  to 
destroy  when  read),  or  that  second  may  involve  your  ruin — 
and  the  ruin  of  all  connected  with  you !  Believe  me  your 
distressed — your  unalterable  friend,  O:  G." 

Mr.  Aubrey  laid  down  this  letter,  and,  sinking  back  again 
into  his  chair,  yielded  for  some  moments  to  an  impulse  very 
nearly  akin  to  despair.  Within  a  few  minutes'  time  after  the 
receipt  of  this  letter,  the  wretched  and  almost  heart-broken 
man  was  a  second  time  in  custody,  and  at  the  suit  of 
Tittlebat  Titmouse,  Esq.,  M.P.,  for  the  principal  sum  of  ten 
thousand  pounds,  and  interest  for  twelve  months  at  the  rate 
of  five  pounds  per  centum  per  annum.  The  agonizing  scene 
which  ensued  I  shall  leave  entirely  to  the  reader's  imagina- 
tion— observing  only  that  the  two  minions  of  the  law  into 
whose  hands  Aubrey  had  now  fallen  seemed  totally  indifferent 
to  the  anguish  they  witnessed.  However,  within  a  few  days, 
Mr.  Runnington,  by  duly  completing  special  bail  in  the  two 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  385 

actions  of  Quirk  and  Others  v.  Aubrey  and  Titmouse  v.  Au- 
brey, had  relieved  Mr.  Aubrey  from  all  grounds  of  immediate 
personal  apprehension  for  several  months  to  come — for  at 
least  half  a  year. 


CHAPTER  XXVIII 

IN    WHICH    THE    EARL   OF   DREDDLINGTON   IN    AN   INTERVIEW 

WITH  MR.  GAMMON  RECEIVES  A  SHOCK  THAT 

HE  IS  UNABLE  TO  SUSTAIN 

WHEN  Mr.  Gammon  returned  to  Yatton  from  the  late  Lady 
Stratton's  residence,  he  found  several  letters  awaiting  his 
arrival.  One  was  from  Mr.  Quirk — poor  muddle-headed  old 
soul! — all  went  wrong  with  him,  the  moment  that  he  missed 
Gammon  from  beside  him.  Then  came  a  letter  from  the 
Earl  of  Dreddlington,  marked  "private  and  confidential" 
containing  a  most  important  communication,  to  the  effect 
that  his  lordship  had  that  day  granted  an  audience  to  a 
scientific  gentleman  of  great  eminence,  and  particularly  well 
skilled  in  geology,  who  had  discovered  after  a  very  close 
geological  survey  of  the  superficial  strata  of  the  Isle  of  Dogs 
that  at  a  very  little  depth  from  the  surface  there  ran  in 
parallel  strata  rich  beds  of  copper,  lead,  and  coal,  alternate- 
ly, such  as  could  not  possibly  fail  of  making  a  quick  and 
enormous  return.  His  lordship,  therefore,  suggested  the  im- 
mediate formation  of  a  company  to  purchase  the  Isle  of 
Dogs  and  work  the  mines ! — and  "begged  to  be  favored 
with"  Mr.  Gammon's  views  on  this  subject,  by  return  of  post. 
In  a  postscript,  his  lordship  informed  Gammon  that  he  had 
just  parted  with  all  his  Golden  Egg  shares  at  a  consider- 
able profit;  and  that  the  Gunpowder  and  Freshwater  Com- 
pany's shares  were  rising  daily,  on  account  of  the  increasing 
probability  of  a  universal  war. 

Gammon  wrote  off  a  very  polite  and  confidential  letter  to 
the  Earl,  begging  his  lordship  would  do  him  the  honor  of 
taking  no  steps  in  the  matter  till  Mr.  Gammon  could  have 
the  honor  of  waiting  upon  his  lordship  in  town.  This  letter 
over,  Gammon  wrote  off  another  to  the  secretary  of  the 
VULTURE  INSURANCE  COMPANY,  giving  them  notice  of  the  death 
of  Lady  Stratton,  who  was  insured  in  their  office  in  a  policy 
to  the  amount  of  ^"15,000,  to  which,  her  ladyship  having  died 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  387 

intestate,  the  writer's  client,  Tittlebat  Titmouse,  Esq.,  M.P. 
for  Yatton,  had  become  entitled  as  only  next  of  kin;  that 
Mr.  Titmouse  intended  to  administer  forthwith,  and  formal 
evidence  would  be  furnished  to  the  company,  in  due  time,  of 
the  completion  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  legal  title  to  the  policy. 

But  here — I  am  concerned  to  say— the  skittish,  frolicsome, 
and  malicious  jade,  Fortune,  after  petting  and  fondling  Tit- 
mouse, and  overwhelming  him  with  her  favors,  suddenly 
turned  round  and  hit  him  a  severe  slap  in  the  face,  without 
the  least  provocation  on  his  part,  or  rime  or  reason  on 
hers.  And  it  happened  in  this  wise :  DAPPER  SMUG,  Esq.,  the 
secretary  of  the  Vulture,  wrote  by  return  of  post,  saying  that 
he  had  laid  Mr.  Gammon's  letter  before  the  directors;  and 
that  so  soon  as  he  should  have  learned  their  pleasure  on  the 
subject,  he  would  write  to  Mr.  Gammon  again.  And  so  he 
did — but  only  to  request  that  gentleman  to  communicate  with 
Messrs.  Screw  and  Son,  the  company's  solicitors.  This  Mr. 
Gammon  did,  and  in  due  time  received  a  letter  saying  that 
they  had  carefully  considered  the  case,  and  regretted  sincerely 
that  they  could  not  feel  it  their  duty  to  recommend  the 
directors  to  pay  the  policy  !  ! 

Gammon  wrote  in  astonishment  to  know  the  grounds  of 
their  refusal,  and  at  length  discovered  that  that  truly  re- 
spectable company  considered  themselves  in  possession  of 
decisive  evidence  to  show  that  the  policy  was  vitiated  through 
the  concealment,  or  rather  the  non-communication,  of  a  mate- 
rial fact  on  the  part  of  the  late  Lady  Stratton — possibly 
unintentionally — viz.,  that  she  was,  at  the  time  of  executing 
the  policy,  subject  to  the  GOUT.  Gammon  made  anxious  in- 
quiries of  the  servants,  of  Dr.  Goddart,  Mr.  Parkinson,  and  of 
others,  who  expressed  infinite  astonishment,  declaring  that 
she  had  never  once  exhibited  the  slightest  symptoms  of  the 
complaint.  Messrs.  Screw,  however,  were  politely  inflexible— 
they  declared  that  they  had  the  positive  testimony  of  several 
witnesses,  one  of  them  an  eminent  physician,  to  the  fact  that, 
during  the  very  week  in  which  the  policy  had  been  executed, 
she  had  experienced  an  attack  of  gout  which  had  confined  her 
to  the  sofa  for  three  days.  (The  simple  fact  was,  that  her 
ladyship  had  about  that  time  certainly  been  confined  to  the 
sofa,  but  merely  from  her  heel  having  been  galled  a  little  by 
a  tight  shoe.)  They,  moreover,  sent  to  Mr.  Gammon  the  full 


388  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

name  of  the  officer  in  whose  name  the  company  was  to  be 
sued — the  aforesaid  Dapper  Smug;  and  recommended  Mr. 
Gammon  to  forward  process  to  them  in  the  usual  way. 

The  sudden  and  unexpected  rebuff  encountered  by  Mr.  Gam- 
mon, in  the  Vulture  Insurance  Company's  refusal  to  pay  the 
policy  on  the  late  Lady  Stratton's  life,  was  calculated  seri- 
ously to  embarrass  his  complicated  movements.  Nor  was 
this  the  only  trouble — the  only  reverse — that  about  this  period 
occurred  to  him. 

On  applying  at  Doctor's  Commons,  in  the  ordinary  way, 
for  a  grant  to  Mr.  Titmouse  of  Letters  of  Administration  to 
Lady  Stratton,  Mr.  Gammon  discovered  the  existence  of  a 
CAVEAT,  which  ran  thus : 

"  Let  nothing  be  done  in  the  goods  of  Dame  Mary  Stratton, 
late  of  Warkleigh,  in  the  parish  of  Warkleigh,  in  the  county 
of  York,  deceased,  unknown  to  Obadiah  Pounce,  proctor  for 
John  Thomas,  having  interest." 

Mr.  Gammon,  however,  very  naturally  concluded  that  the 
move  was  made  on  the  behalf  of  Mr.  Aubrey,  and  that  the 
ground  of  his  opposition  was  the  alleged  will  of  Lady  Stratton. 
However,  the  more  immediate  object  of  his  anxieties  was  to 
conceal  as  far  as  possible  his  connection  with  the  various  joint- 
stock  speculations,  into  which  he  had  entered  with  a  wild  and 
feverish  anxiety  to  realize  a  rapid  fortune.  He  had  already 
withdrawn  from  one  or  two  with  which  he  had  been  only  for 
a  brief  time,  and  secretly,  connected — but  not  until  he  had 
realized  no  inconsiderable  sum  by  his  judicious  but  somewhat 
unscrupulous  operations.  He  was  also  anxious,  if  practicable, 
to  extricate  Lord  Dreddlington,  at  the  proper  conjuncture, 
with  as  little  damage  as  possible  to  his  lordship's  fortune  or 
character;  for  his  lordship's  countenance  and  good  offices 
were  becoming  of  greater  consequence  to  Mr.  Gammon  than 
ever. 

The  slender  faculties  of  Lord  Dreddlington  had  been  for 
months  in  a  state  of  novel  and  grateful  excitement,  through 
the  occupation  afforded  them  by  his  connection  with  the 
fashionable  modes  of  commercial  enterprise — joint-stock  com- 
panies, the  fortunate  members  of  which  got  rich  they  scarcely 
knew  how.  'Twas,  indeed,  ecstasy  to  poor  old  Lord  Dred- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  389 

dlington  to  behold  his  name,  from  time  to  time,  glittering 
in  the  van — himself  figuring  as  a  chief  patron — a  prime  mover 
— in  some  vast  and  lucrative  undertaking,  which  almost, 
from  the  first  moment  of  its  projection,  attracted  the  notice 
and  confidence  of  the  moneyed  classes  and  became  productive 
to  its  originators ! 

Many  attempts  were  made  by  his  brother  peers,  and  those 
who  once  had  considerable  influence  over  him,  to  open  his 
eyes  to  the  very  questionable  nature  of  the  concerns  to  which 
he  was  so  freely  lending  the  sanction  of  his  name  and  per- 
sonal interference ;  but  his  pride  and  obstinacy  caused  him  to 
turn  a  deaf  ear  to  their  suggestions;  and  the  skilful  and 
delicious  flatteries  of  Mr.  Gammon  and  others,  seconded  by 
the  substantial  fruits  of  his  various  speculations,  urged  him 
on  from  step  to  step,  till  he  became  one  of  the  most  active 
and  constant  in  his  interference  with  the  concern  of  one  or 
two  great  speculations,  and  from  which  he  looked  forward 
to  realizing,  at  no  very  distant  day,  the  most  resplendent 
results.  Never  had  one  man  obtained  over  another  a  more 
complete  mastery  than  had  Mr.  Gammon  over  the  Earl  of 
Dreddlington,  at  whose  exclusive  table  he  was  a  frequent 
guest,  thereby  obtaining  opportunities  of  acquiring  the  good- 
will of  other  persons  of  the  Earl's  status  and  caliber. 

His  lordship  was  sitting  in  his  library  one  morning,  with 
a  newspaper  of  the  day  before,  a  certain  portion  of  which  he 
had  read  over  several  times  with  exquisite  satisfaction.  He 
had,  late  on  the  preceding  evening,  returned  from  his  seat,  so 
that  it  was  not  until  the  time  at  which  he  is  now  presented 
to  the  reader  that  his  lordship  had  had  an  opportunity  of 
perusing  what  was  now  affording  him  such  gratification, 
viz.,  a  brief  but  highly  flattering  report  of  a  splendid  white- 
bait dinner  which  had  been  given  to  him  the  day  before  at 
Blackwall  by  a  party  of  some  thirty  gentlemen,  who  were 
founders,  managers,  and  directors  of  various  popular  joint- 
stock  companies;  and  the  progress  of  which,  in  public  es- 
timation, had  been  materially  accelerated  by  the  countenance 
of  so  distinguished  a  nobleman  as  the  Right  Hon.  the  Earl 
of  Dreddlington,  G.C.B.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

Covers  had  been  laid  for  thirty-five;  and  the  entertainment 
was  in  all  respects  of  the  most  sumptuous  description— €  very 
way  worthy  of  the  entertainers  and  their  distinguished  guest. 


390  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Not  far  from  the  Earl  sat  Mr.  Gammon — methinks  I  see  now 
his  gentlemanly  figure — his  dark-blue  coat,  white  waistcoat, 
and  simple  black  stock — his  calm  smile,  his  keen  watchful 
eye,  his  well-developed  forehead,  suggesting  to  you  a  capa- 
bility of  the  highest  kind  of  intellectual  action.  The  Earl 
soon  mounted  into  the  seventh  heaven  of  delight;  he  had 
never  experienced  anything  of  this  sort  before;  he  felt  GLORI- 
FIED— for  such  qualities  were  attributed  to  him  in  the  after- 
dinner  speeches,  as  even  he  had  not  before  imagined  the 
existence  of  in  himself;  his  ears  were  ravished  with  the  sound 
of  his  own  praises.  Mr.  Titmouse,  M.P.,  also  came  in  for  his 
share  of  laudation,  and  made — said  the  report  in  the  Morning 
Growl— a.  brief  but  very  spirited  speech,  in  return  for  his  health 
being  proposed.  At  length,  it  being  time  to  think  of  return- 
ing to  town,  his  lordship  withdrew,  Sir  Sharper  Bubble  (the 
chairman)  and  others  attending  him  bareheaded  to  his 
carriage,  which,  his  lordship  and  Titmouse  having  entered  it, 
drove  off  amidst  the  bows  and  courteous  inclinations  of  the 
gentlemen  standing  on  and  around  the  steps.  Titmouse 
almost  immediately  fell  asleep,  overpowered  by  the  prodig- 
ious quantity  of  champagne  and  claret  which  he  had  taken, 
and  thus  left  the  Earl,  who  was  himself  in  a  much  more 
buoyant  humor  than  was  usual  with  him,  to  revel  in  the 
recollection  of  the  homage  which  he  had  been  receiving. 

Now  this  was  the  affair,  of  which  a  very  flourishing  tho 
brief  account  (privately  paid  for  by  the  gentleman  who  sent 
it)  appeared  in  the  Morning  Growl,  with  a  most  magnificent 
speech  of  his  lordship's  about  free  trade,  and  the  expansive 
principles  of  commercial  enterprise,  and  so  forth.  'Twas  true 
that  the  Earl  had  no  recollection  of  either  having  meditated 
the  delivery  of  any  such  speech  or  actually  delivering  it — but 
he  might  have  done  so  for  all  that,  and  possibly  did.  He 
read  over  the  whole  account  half-a-dozen  times  at  least.  He 
secretly  owned  to  himself  that  he  was  not  entirely  undeserv- 
ing of  the  compliments  which  had  been  paid  to  him. 

Still  he  had  his  drawbacks.  He  became  more  and  more 
sensible  that  Lady  Cecilia  was  not  happy  in  her  union  with 
Mr.  Titmouse,  and  that  his  conduct  was  not  calculated  to 
make  her  so;  in  fact,  his  lordship  began  to  suspect  that 
there  was  a  total  incompatibility  of  tempers  and  dispositions, 
which  would  inevitably  force  on  a  separation — under  existing 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  391 

circumstances  a  painful  step  and  eminently  unadvisable. 
His  lordship's  numerous  inquiries  of  Mr.  Gammon  as  to  the 
state  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  property  met  occasionally  with  un- 
satisfactory and  most  inconsistent  answers.  Mr.  Titmouse's 
extravagant  expenditure  was  a  matter  of  notoriety;  the 
Earl  himself  had  been  once  or  twice  compelled  to  come  for- 
ward, in  order  to  assist  in  relieving  his  son-in-law's  house 
from  executions;  and  he  repeatedly  reasoned  and  remon- 
strated with  Mr.  Titmouse  on  the  impropriety  of  many  parts 
of  his  conduct — Titmouse  generally  acknowledging,  with  much 
appearance  of  compunction  and  sincerity,  that  the  Earl  had 
too  much  ground  for  complaint,  and  protesting  that  he 
meant  to  change  altogether  one  of  these  days.  Indeed,  mat- 
ters would  soon  have  been  brought  to  a  crisis  between  the 
Earl  and  Titmouse  had  the  Earl  not  been  so  constantly 
immersed  in  business  as  to  prevent  his  mind  from  dwelling 
upon  the  various  instances  of  Titmouse's  misconduct  which 
from  time  to  time  came  under  his  notice.  The  condition  of 
Lady  Cecilia  was  one  which  gave  the  Earl  anxiety  and  inter- 
est. She  was  enceinte ;  and  the  prospect  which  this  afforded 
the  Earl  of  the  family  honors  continuing  in  a  course  of  direct 
descent,  gave  him  unspeakable  satisfaction. 

The  above  will  suffice  to  indicate  the  course  taken  by  his 
lordship's  thoughts  on  the  present  occasion.  He  sat  back 
in  his  chair  in  a  sort  of  reverie ;  having  laid  down  his  paper, 
and  placed  his  gold  spectacles  on  the  little  stand  beside  him, 
where  lay  also  his  massive  old  gold  repeater.  The  Morning 
Growl  of  that  morning  was  very  late,  owing  to  the  arrival 
of  foreign  news;  but  it  was  brought  in  to  his  lordship  just 
as  he  was  beginning  to  open  his  letters.  These  his  lordship 
laid  aside  for  a  moment,  in  order  to  skim  over  the  contents 
of  his  paper ;  on  which  he  had  not  been  long  engaged,  before 
his  eye  lit  upon  a  paragraph  that  gave  him  a  dreadful  shock. 
He  read  it  over  several  times,  almost  doubting  whether  he 
could  be  reading  correctly.  The  intelligence  conveyed  by  the 
paragraph  in  question  was  simply  this— that  the  ARTIFICIAL 
RAIN  COMPANY  had  suddenly  evaporated!— and  that  this 
result  had  been  precipitated  by  the  astounding  discovery 
that  the  managing  director  of  the  company  had  bolted  with 
all  the  available  funds  of  the  society— and  who  should  this 
be,  but  the  gentleman  who  had  presided  so  ably  the  evening 


392 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


before  over  the  Blackwall  dinner  to  his  lordship,  viz.,  SIR 
SHARPER  BUBBLE  !  !  !  The  plain  fact  was  that  that  worthy 
had,  at  that  very  time,  completed  all  arrangements  neces- 
sary for  taking  the  very  decisive  step  on  which  he  had  deter- 
mined; and  within  an  hour's  time  of  handing  the  Earl  of 


Account    clojed  "  ! 

Dreddlington  to  his  carriage  in  the  way  that  has  been  de- 
scribed, had  slipped  into  a  boat  moored  by  the  waterside, 
and  got  safely  on  board  a  fine  brig  bound  for  America. 

As  soon  as  the  Earl  had  recovered  a  little  from  his  agita- 
tion he  ordered  his  carriage  and  was  soon  on  his  way,  at  a 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  393 

great  speed,  toward  the  Poultry,  in  the  City,  where  was  the 
office  of  the  company,  with  the  faintest  glimmer  of  a  hope 
that  there  might  be  some  mistake  about  the  matter.  The 
words  "  ARTIFICIAL  RAIN  COMPANY"  still  shone,  in  gilt  letters 
half  a  foot  long,  on  the  green  blind  of  the  window  on  the 
ground  floor !  All  still — deserted — dry  as  Gideon's  fleece ! 
Stepping  into  his  carriage,  he  ordered  it  to  drive  on  to  Lom- 
bard Street,  to  the  late  company's  bankers.  As  soon  as  he 
had,  with  a  little  indistinctness  arising  from  his  agitation, 
mentioned  the  words  "Artificial  Rain — 

"Account  closed!"  was  the  brief  matter-of-fact  answer, 
given  in  a  business-like  and  peremptory  tone,  the  speaker 
immediately  attending  to  some  one  else.  The  Earl  was  too 
much  agitated  to  observe  a  knowing  wink  interchanged 
among  the  clerks  behind,  as  soon  as  they  had  caught  the 
words  "  Artificial  Rain  Company" !  The  Earl,  with  increas- 
ing agitation,  re-entered  his  carriage,  and  ordered  it  to  be 
driven  to  the  office  of  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap. 
There  he  arrived  in  a  trice,  but  being  informed  that  Gam- 
mon had  not  yet  come,  and  would  probably  be  found  at 
his  chambers  in  Thavies'  Inn,  the  horses'  heads  were  forth- 
with turned,  and  within  a  few  minutes'  time  the  carriage 
had  drawn  up  opposite  to  the  entrance  to  Thavies'  Inn. 
Without  sending  his  servant  on  beforehand  to  inquire,  his 
lordship  immediately  alighted,  and  soon  found  Mr.  Gammon's 
chambers  on  the  first  floor.  His  lordship's  hasty  summons 
was  answered  by  Mr.  Gammon's  laundress,  who  informed  the 
Earl  that  if  he  wished  to  see  Mr.  Gammon,  he  had  better 
step  in  and  wait  for  a  minute  or  two,  as  Mr.  Gammon  had 
only  just  gone  to  the  stationer's,  a  little  way  off,  and  had 
said  he  should  be  back  in  a  minute  or  two.  As  the  Earl 
sat  down,  his  eye  could  scarcely  fail  to  read  the  superscrip- 
tion in  large  round  hand,  on  an  imposing  document  which 
was  turned  full  toward  him,  and  which  ran  thus : 

"  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE,  Esq.]     Grant  of  RENT-CHARGE  on 

to  VEstates  at  Yatton,  of  ^2,000 

Oily  Gammon,  Gent.      \  Per  annum.''' 

This  almost  stopped  the  Earl's  breath.  With  trembling 
hands  he  put  on  his  spectacles,  to  assure  himself  that  he 
read  correctly,  and,  with  a  face  overspread  with  dismay,  was 


394  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

gazing  intently  at  the  writing,  holding  the  parchment  in 
his  hands;  when  Mr.  Gammon  entered,  having  shot  across 
the  inn,  and  sprung  up-stairs  with  lightning  speed,  the  in- 
stant that  his  eye  had  caught  Lord  Dreddlington's  equipage 
standing  opposite  to  the  inn.  He  had  instantly  recollected 
having  left  on  the  table  the  deed  in  question,  which  had 
been  executed  by  Titmouse  only  the  evening  before;  and 
little  anticipated  that  of  all  persons  upon  earth,  Lord  Dred- 
dlington  would  be  the  first  whose  eye  would  light  upon  it. 
'Twas,  perhaps,  somewhat  indiscreet  to  leave  it  there;  but 
it  was  in  Gammon's  own  private  residence — where  he  had 
very  few  visitors,  especially  at  that  time  of  the  day — and 
he  had  intended  only  a  momentary  absence,  having  gone  out 
on  the  impulse  of  a  sudden  suggestion.  See  the  result ! 

"  My  Lord  Dreddlington  ! "  exclaimed  Gammon,  breathless 
with  haste  and  agitation,  the  instant  he  saw  his  worst  ap- 
prehensions fulfilled.  The  Earl  looked  up  at  him,  as  it  were 
mechanically,  over  his  glasses,  without  moving  or  attempt- 
ing to  speak. 

"I — I — beg  your  lordship's  pardon!"  he  added  quickly  and 
sternly,  advancing  toward  Lord  Dreddlington.  "  Pardon 
me,  but  surely  your  lordship  cannot  be  aware  of  the  liberty 
you  are  taking — my  private  papers  ! " 

"Sir — Mr.  Gammon!"  at  length  exclaimed  the  Earl  in  a 
faltering  voice,  "what  is  the  meaning  of  that?"  pointing 
with  a  tremulous  finger  to  the  conveyance. 

"  What  is  it?  A  private — a  strictly  private  document  of 
mine,  my  lord,"  replied  Gammon  with  breathless  impetu- 
osity, his  eye  flashing  fury,  and  his  face  having  become  deadly 
pale ;  "  one  with  which  your  lordship  has  no  more  concern 
than  has  your  footman — one  which  I  surely  might  have  fan- 
cied safe  from  intrusive  eyes  in  my  own  private  residence — one 
which  I  am  confounded — yes,  confounded  !  my  lord,  at  finding 
that  you  could  for  an  instant  allow  yourself— consider  your- 
self warranted  in  even  looking  at — prying  into — and  much 
less  presuming  to  ask  questions  concerning  it."  He  held  the 
parchment  all  this  while  tightly  grasped  in  his  hands;  his 
appearance  and  manner  might  have  overpowered  a  man  of 
stronger  nerves  than  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington.  On  him, 
however,  it  appeared  to  produce  no  impression,  and  he  simply 
inquired,  without  moving  from  his  chair,  "Is  it  a  fact,  sir, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  395 

that  you  have  obtained  a  rent-charge  of  two  thousand  a  year 
upon  my  son-in-law's  property  at  Yatton?" 

"I  deny  peremptorily  your  lordship's  right  to  ask  me  a 
single  question  arising  out  of  information  obtained  in  such 
a  dis— I  mean  such  an  unprecedented  manner!"  answered 
Gammon,  vehemently. 

"  Mr.  Gammon,  I  must  and  will  have  this  matter  explained ; 
depend  upon  it,  I  will  have  it  looked  into  and  thoroughly 
sifted,"  at  length  said  Lord  Dreddlington. 

"Can  your  lordship  derive  any  right  to  information  from 
me,  out  of  any  act  of  your  lordship's  which  no  honorable 
mind— nay,  if  your  lordship  insists  on  my  making  myself 
understood — I  will  say,  an  act  which  no  gentleman  would 
resort  to,  unless —  The  Earl  rose  from  his  chair  with 
calmness  and  dignity. 

"  What  your  notions  of  honorable  or  gentlemanly  conduct 
may  happen  to  be,  sir,"  said  the  old  peer,  drawing  himself 
up  to  his  full  height,  and  speaking  with  his  usual  deliber- 
ation, "it  may  not  be  worth  my  while  to  inquire;  but  let 
me  tell  you,  sir — 

"My  lord,  I  beg  your  forgiveness — I  have  certainly  been 
hurried  by  my  excitement  into  expressions  which  I  would 
gladly  withdraw." 

"Hear  me,  sir,"  replied  the  Earl,  with  a  composure  which, 
under  the  circumstances,  was  wonderful;  "it  is  the  first  time 
in  my  life  that  any  one  has  presumed  to  speak  to  me  in 
such  a  manner  and  to  use  such  language;  and  I  will  neither 
forget  it,  sir,  nor  forgive  it." 

"  Then,  my  lord,  I  take  the  liberty  of  reasserting  what  I 
had  withdrawn,"  said  Gammon,  his  blood  tingling  in  all  his 
veins.  He  had  never  given  Lord  Dreddlington  credit  for 
being  able  to  exhibit  the  spirit  and  self-command  which  he 
was  then  displaying.  The  Earl  bowed  loftily  as  Gammon 
spoke,  and,  on  his  concluding,  said  with  haughty  composure  : 

"When  I  entered  your  room,  sir,  that  document  caught 
my  eye  accidentally ;  and  on  seeing  upon  the  outside  of  it — 
for  no  further  have  I  looked — the  name  of  my  own  son-in-law, 
it  was  but  natural  that  I  should  suppose  there  could  be  no 
objection  to  my  looking  further,  at  the  outside.  That  was 
my  opinion,  sir— that  is  my  opinion;  your  presumptuous 
expressions,  sir,  cannot  change  my  opinion,  nor  make  me 


396 


forget  our  relative  positions,"  he  added  loftily;  "and  I  once 
more  demand,  sir,  what  is  the  meaning  of  that  extraordinary 
document  ?" 

"Since  your  lordship  desires  information  from  mej  let  me 
request  you  to  be  seated,"  said  he,  in  a  tone  and  with  an 


"  Th-sA  document 
caught-  rny  eye 
•accidentally  " 

air  of  profound  courtesy  such  as,  in  its  turn,  took  his  noble 
companion  by  surprise;  and  he  slowly  resumed  his  seat,  Gam- 
mon also  sitting  down  nearly  opposite  to  him.  "  May  I,  in 
the  first  place,  ask  to  what  circumstance  I  am  indebted,  my 
lord,  for  the  honor  of  this  visit  ?"  he  inquired. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  397 

"Oh,  sir — sir — by  the  way — indeed  you  may  well  ask— you 
must  have  heard,"  suddenly  and  vehemently  interrupted  the 
Earl,  whose  mind  could  hold  but  one  important  matter  at  a 
time. 

"To  what  does  your  lordship  allude?"  inquired  Gammon, 
who  knew  perfectly  well  all  the  while.  Having  had  a  hint 
that  matters  were  going  wrong  with  the  Artificial  Rain  Com- 
pany, he  had  contrived  to  creep  out  of  it,  by  selling  such 
shares  as  he  held,  at  a  little  loss  certainly — and  he  would 
have  done  the  same  for  the  Earl  had  it  been  practicable; 
but  his  lordship's  sudden  journey  into  Hertfordshire  had 
prevented  his  communicating  with  his  lordship  till  the  time 
for  acting  had  passed.  Now,  therefore,  he  resolved  to  be 
taken  by  surprise. 

"To  what  do  I  allude,  sir!"  echoed  the  Earl  with  much 
agitation,  taking  the  newspaper  from  his  pocket.  "  The  Arti- 
ficial Rain  Company,  sir,  is  gone !  Blown  up !  Entirely 
disappeared,  sir!" 

"The  Artificial  Rain  Company?  O  my  lord,  it's  impos- 
sible!" 

"Sir — it  is  clean  gone.    Sir  Sharper  Bubble  has  absconded  !" 

His  lordship  handed  the  paper  to  Mr.  Gammon,  who  read 
the  paragraph  (which  he  had  read  some  hour  or  two  before) 
with  every  appearance  of  horror. 

"It  cannot — it  cannot  be  true,  my  lord!"  said  he. 

"Sir,  it  is.  I  have  been  myself  to  the  company's  office — 
it  is  quite  closed— shut  up ;  there  is  no  one  there,  sir  !  And 
at  the  banker's  the  only  answer  is — 'Account  closed !' ' 

"  Then  I  am  nearly  a  couple  of  thousand  pounds  poorer— 
my  God!  what  shall  I  do?  Do,  my  lord,  let  us  drive  off  in- 
stantly to  Sir  Sharper  Bubble's  house,  and  see  if  he  be  really 
gone.  It  may  be  a  villainous  fabrication  altogether— I  never 
will  believe  that  such  a  man— how  miserable,  that  both  your 
lordship  and  I  should  have  been  out  of  town  yesterday!" 

Thus  Gammon  went  on  with  great  eagerness,  hoping  to 
occupy  Lord  Dreddlington's  thoughts  exclusively  with  the 
matter ;  but  he  was  mistaken.  The  Earl,  after  a  little  pause, 
reverted  to  the  previous  topic,  and  repeated  his  inquiry  as 
to  the  rent-charge,  with  an  air  of  such  serious  determination 
as  soon  satisfied  Gammon  that  there  was  no  evading  the 
crisis  which  had  so  suddenly  arisen.  With  the  topic  his  lord- 


398  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

ship  also  unconsciously  changed  his  manner,  which  was  now 
one  of  offended  majesty. 

"Sir,"  said  he  with  stately  deliberation,  "what  you  have 
said  to  myself  personally  can  not  be  unsaid;  but  I  desire  a 
plain  answer,  Mr.  Gammon,  to  a  plain  question.  Is  the 
document  which  I  had  in  my  hand  an  instrument  giving 
you — gracious  Heaven  !  — a  charge  of  two  thousand  pounds 
a  year  upon  my  son-in-law's  estate?  Sir,  once  for  all,  I  per- 
emptorily insist  on  an  answer  before  I  leave  your  chambers; 
and,  if  I  do  not  obtain  it,  I  shall  instantly  cause  a  rigorous 
inquiry  to  be  set  on  foot." 

("You  obstinate,  driveling  old  fool!"  thought  Gammon, 
looking  the  while  with  mild  anxiety  at  the  Earl;  "if  you 
were  to  drop  down  dead  at  my  feet,  now,  at  this  moment 
what  vexation  you  would  save  me !  Did  it  ever  before  fall 
to  the  lot  of  mortal  man  to  have  to  deal  with  two  such 
idiots  as  you  and  Titmouse?") 

"Well,  then,  my  lord,  since  you  are  so  pertinacious  on  the 
point-^-I  disdain  equivocation  or  further  concealment,  and 
distinctly  admit  that  the  document  which  was  lately  in  your 
lordship's  hands  is  an  instrument  having  the  effect  which 
it  professes  to  have.  It  gives  me,  my  lord,  a  rent-charge 
for  the  term  of  my  life  of  two  thousand  pounds  a  year 
upon  Mr.  Titmouse's  estate  of  Yatton." 

"Good  God,  sir!"  exclaimed  the  Earl,  gazing  at  Gammon 
as  if  thunderstruck. 

"  That  is  the  fact,  my  lord,"  said  Gammon. 

"  There  never  was  such  a  thing  heard  of,  sir !  Two  thou- 
sand pounds  a  year  given  to  his  solicitor  by  my  son-in-law ! 
Why,  he  is  a  mere  boy " 

"  He  was  old  enough  to  marry  the  Lady  Cecilia,  my  lord," 
interrupted  Gammon  calmly,  but  very  bitterly. 

"That  may  be,  sir,"  replied  the  Earl,  his  face  flushing, 
"but  he  is  ignorant  of  business,  sir,  or  you  must  have  taken 
advantage  of  him  when  he  was  intoxicated." 

"Nothing  of  the  kind,  my  lord.  Never  was  Mr.  Titmouse 
more  sober — never  in  fuller  possession  of  his  faculties — never 
did  he  do  anything  more  deliberately  than  when  he  signed 
that  conveyance." 

"  Have  you  purchased  it,  sir — given  consideration  for 
it?"  inquired  the  Earl,  with  a  perplexed  air. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  399 

"Yes,  my  lord.  I  have  given  value  for  it— full  value;  and 
Mr.  Titmouse,  if  you  ask  him,  will  tell  you  so." 

"And  is  the  consideration  recorded  in  the  deed,  sir?" 

"It  is,  my  lord — and  truly." 

"Then  why  all  this  mystery,  Mr.  Gammon?" 

"  Let  me  ask,  in  my  turn,  my  lord,  why  all  these  questions 
about  a  matter  with  which  you  have  nothing  to  do  ?  Would 
it  not  be  much  better  for  your  lordship  to  attend  to  your 
oum  affairs,  just  now,  after  the  very  alarming — 

"Sir — sir — I — I — that  is — my  concern,"  stammered  the  Earl, 
very  nearly  thrust  out  of  his  course  by  this  stroke  of  Gam- 
mon's; but  he  soon  recovered  himself,  for  the  topic  they 
were  discussing  had  taken  a  thorough  hold  of  his  mind. 

"Did  you  give  a  pecuniary  consideration,  Mr.  Gammon?" 

"I  gave  a  large  sum  in  ready  money;  and  the  remainder 
of  the  consideration  is  expressed  to  be  my  long  and  arduous 
services  to  Mr.  Titmouse  in  putting  him  into  possession  of 
his  property." 

"Will  you,  then,  favor  me  with  a  copy  of  this  deed,  that 
I  may  examine  it  and  submit  it  to  competent — 

"No,  my  lord,  I  will  do  no  such  thing,"  replied  Gammon 
peremptorily. 

"  But  one  conclusion  can  be  drawn,  then,  from  your  refusal, 
sir — one  highly  disadvantageous  to  you,  sir.  No  one  can 
avoid  the  conclusion  that  there  has  been  foul  play  and 
fraud " 

"You  are  a  peer  of  the  realm,  Lord  Dreddlington;  try  to 
be  a  gentleman"  said  Gammon,  who  had  turned  deadly 
pale.  The  Earl's  eye  continued  fixed  on  Gammon  and  his 
lip  slightly  quivered.  He  seemed  amazed  at  Gammon's  au- 
dacity. 

"  Let  me  recommend  your  lordship  to  be  more  cautious 
and  measured  in  your  language,"  said  Gammon,  visibly 
struggling  to  speak  with  calmness,  "especially  concerning 
matters  on  which  you  are  utterly— profoundly  ignorant— 

"I  will  not  long  remain  so,  Mr.  Gammon;  you  may  rely 
upon  it,"  replied  the  Earl  with  sustained  firmness  and  hau- 
teur. 

("Shall  I?  shall  I?  shall  I  prostrate  you,  insolent  old  fool! 
soul  and  body?"  thought  Gammon.) 

"I  will  instantly  seek  out  Mr.  Titmouse,"  continued  the 


400  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Earl,  "and  will  soon  get  at  the  bottom  of  this — this — mon- 
strous transaction." 

"I  cannot,  of  course,  control  your  lordship's  motions.  If 
you  do  apply  to  Mr.  Titmouse,  you  will  in  all  probability 
receive  the  information  you  seek  for — that  is,  if  Mr.  Titmouse 
dare  without  first  consulting  me " 

"If— Mr. — Titmouse — dare,  sir?"  echoes  the  Earl  calmly 
and  scornfully. 

"Yes — dare!"  furiously  retorted  Gammon. 

"Sir,  this  is  very  highly  amusing!"  said  Lord  Dreddlington, 
trying  to  smile;  but  it  was  impossible.  His  hands  trembled 
so  much  that  he  could  not  draw  on  his  glove  without  great 
effort. 

"To  me,  my  lord,  it  is  very — very  painful,"  replied  Gam- 
mon, with  an  agitation  which  he  could  not  conceal ;  "  not 
painful  on  my  own  account,  but  your  lordship's " 

"Sir,  I  thank  you  for  your  sympathy,"  interrupted  Lord 
Dreddlington  with  a  faint  smile.  "  In  the  mean  while  you 
may  depend  upon  my  taking  steps  forthwith  of  a  somewhat 
decisive  character.  We  shall  see,  sir,  how  long  transactions 
of  this  sort  can  be  concealed." 

At  this  point  Gammon  finally  determined  upon  making 
his  long-dreaded  disclosure  to  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington — 
one  that  would  instantly  topple  him  down  headlong  over 
the  battlements  of  his  lofty  and  unapproachable  pride,  as 
though  he  had  been  struck  by  lightning. 

"Your  lordship  has  spoken  of  concealment"  he  commenced 
with  visible  emotion.  "Your  lordship's  offensive  and  most 
uncalled-for  observations  upon  my  motives  and  conduct 
irritated  me  for  the  moment — but  that  is  gone  by.  They 
have,  however,  worked  my  feelings  up  to  a  point  which  will 
enable  me  to  make  a  disclosure  to  your  lordship  of  a  secret, 
that  ever  since  it  has  come  to  my  knowledge,  so  help  me 
Heaven !  has  made  me  the  most  miserable  of  men."  There 
was  something  in  Gammon's  manner  that  compelled  the 
Earl  to  sit  down  again  in  the  chair  from  which  he  had  arisen, 
and  where  he  remained  gazing  in  wondering  silence  at  Gam- 
mon, who  proceeded.  "It  is  a  disclosure  which  will  require 
all  your  lordship's  strength  of  mind  to  prevent  its  over- 
powering you " 

"Sir,  I  desire  that,  without  so  much  circumlocution,  you 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  401 

e 

will  come  to  the  point,  x  beg  of  you  sir,  to  tell  me  what 
you  know,  and  leave  me  to  bear  it  as  best  I  can." 

"Your  lordship  shall  be  obeyed,  then.  I  said,  some  little 
time  ago,  that  the  instrument  granting  me  the  rent-charge 
upon  the  Yatton  property  recited,  as  a  part  of  the  consider- 
ation, my  arduous  and  long-continued  and  successful  exer- 
tions to  place  Mr.  Titmouse  in  possession  of  that  fine  estate. 
It  was  I,  my  lord,  that  searched  for  him  till  I  found  him — 
the  rightful  heir  to  the  Yatton  estates,  the  possible  successor 
to  your  lordship  in  your  ancient  barony.  Therefore,  I  re- 
quired him — nay,  I  extorted  from  him  the  instrument  in  ques- 
tion." He  paused. 

"  Well,  sir.  Go  on !  I  hear  you,"  said  the  Earl  somewhat 
sternly;  on  which  Gammon  resumed.  "At  the  time  that  I 
discovered  Mr.  Titmouse  behind  the  counter  of  Mr.  Tag-rag, 
in  Oxford  Street,  and  up  till  within  a  couple  of  months  ago, 
I  had  no  more  doubt  about  his  being  really  entitled,  as  heir- 
at-law "  The  Earl  gave  a  sudden  start.  "  My  lord,  I 

would  even  now  beg  your  lordship  to  let  me  take  some  other 
opportunity,  when  we  are  both  calmer." 

"Go  on,  sir,"  said  the  Earl  firmly,  but  in  a  lower  tone  of 
voice  than  he  had  before  spoken  in,  and  sitting  with  his  eyes 
rivetted  on  those  of  Mr.  Gammon,  who,  notwithstanding  his 
lordship's  observation,  was  compelled  by  his  own  sickening 
agitation  to  pause  for  a  moment  or  two.  Then  he  resumed. 
"I  was  saying  that  till  about  two  months  ago  I  had  no 
more  doubt,  than  I  have  of  your  lordship's  now  sitting  be- 
fore me,  that  Mr.  Titmouse  was  the  legitimate  descendant  of 
the  person  entitled  to  enjoy  the  Yatton  estates  in  preference 
to  Mr.  Aubrey.  His  pedigree  was  subjected  to  the  severest 
scrutiny  that  the  law  of  England  can  devise,  and  was  pro- 
nounced complete— but,  to  my  horror— only  /  know  it,  except 
Mr.  Titmouse,  to  whom  I  told  it— I  have  discovered,  by  a 
most  extraordinary  accident,  that  we  were,  and  are,  all  mis- 
taken." Lord  Dreddlington  had  grown  deadly  pale,  and  his 
lips  seemed  to  open  unconsciously,  while  he  inclined  toward 
Gammon;  "and— I  may  as  well  tell  your  lordship  at  once 
the  worst— this  young  man,  Titmouse,  is  only  a  natural 
son,  and  what  is  worse,  of  a  woman  who  had  a  former  hus- 
band living — 

Lord   Dreddlington  started  up  from  his  chair,  and  stag- 

26 


402 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


gered  away  from  it — his  face  the  very  picture  of  horror.  It 
was  ghastly  to  look  at.  His  lips  moved,  but  he  uttered  no 
sound. 

"Oh,  my  lord!  For  God's  sake  be  calm!"  cried  out  Gam- 
mon, dreadfully  shocked,  rushing  toward  the  Earl,  who  kept 
staggering  back,  his  hands  stretched  out  as  if  to  keep  off 
some  approaching  object.  "  My  lord  !  Lord  Dreddlington, 
hear  me !  For  Heaven's  sake,  let  me  bring  you  back  to  your 

"  TittnotW® 


chair.  It's  only  a  little  faintness!"  He  put  his  arm  round 
the  Earl,  endeavoring  to  draw  him  back  toward  the  easy- 
chair;  but  he  felt  his  lordship  slipping  down  on  the  floor, 
his  legs  yielding  under  him;  then  his  head  suddenly  sank  on 
one  side,  and  the  next  moment  he  collapsed,  upon  the  floor, 
partly  supported  by  Gammon,  who,  in  a  fearful  state  of 
agitation,  shouted  out  for  the  laundress. 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  403 

"Untie  his  handkerchief,  sir;  loose  his  shirt-collar!"  cried 
the  woman,  and  stooping  down  she  removed  the  pressure 
from  his  neck.  He  was  breathing  heavily.  "  The  carriage 
standing  before  the  inn  is  his  lordship's,"  gasped  Gammon, 
"you'll  see  his  footman — tell  him  his  lordship's  in  a  fit,  and 
send  him  for  a  doctor!" 

Gammon  finding  no  signs  of  returning  consciousness,  with 
a  great  effort  managed  to  get  his  lordship  into  the  bed- 
room. For  a  few  frightful  moments  he  felt  as  if  he  had 
murdered  Lord  Dreddlington,  and  must  fly  for  it.  He  pressed 
his  hands  to  his  forehead  as  if  to  recall  his  scattered  facul- 
ties. 

"What  is  to  be  done?"  thought  he.  "Is  this  apoplexy? 
paralysis?  or  what?  Will  he  recover?  Will  it  affect  his  rea- 
son? Will  he  recover?  If  so — how  deal  with  the  damning 
discovery  he  has  made?  Will  he  have  sense  enough  to  keep 
his  own  counsel  ?  If  he  recover,  and  preserve  his  reason — all 
is  right — everything  succeeds.  I  am  his  master  to  the  end 
of  his  days !  What  a  horrid  while  they  are !  Curse  those 
doctors !  never  to  be  found  when  they  are  wanted.  He's 
dying  before  my  very  eyes  !  How  shall  I  say  this  happened  ? 
A  fit,  brought  on  by  agitation  occasioned  by  the  failure  of 
the  company.  Ah — there's  the  newspaper  he  brought  with 
him  and  put  into  my  hands,"  he  thought  as  his  eye  glanced 
at  the  newspaper  lying  on  the  table  in  the  adjoining  room. 
"This  will  give  color  to  my  version  of  the  affair!"  WTith 
this,  he  hastily  seized  the  paper  and  thrust  it  into  one  of 
the  coat-pockets  of  Lord  Dreddlington;  and  the  moment 
after,  in  came  the  footman  with  a  doctor,  to  whom  Gam- 
mon with  haste  and  agitation  gave  that  account  of  his 
lordship's  seizure  upon  which  he  had  determined. 

The  jugular  vein  was  opened  in  a  trice;  mustard  plasters 
and  hot  water  applied  as  quickly  as  they  could  be  procured ; 
and,  a  cupping-case  having  been  sent  for,  blood  was  taken 
pretty  freely  from  the  nape  of  the  neck — and  these  two  blood- 
lettings saved  Lord  Dreddlington's  life — whether  to  Gam- 
mon's delight  or  disappointment  I  shall  not  take  upon  me  to 
say.  Then  Gammon  himself  set  off  in  a  hackney-coach,  about 
an  hour  before  the  carriage  started,  in  order  to  prepare  the 
household  of  the  Earl  and  to  secure  a  safe  communication  of 
the  alarming  event  to  the  Lady  Cecilia. 


404  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

On  reaching  the  Earl's  house,  to  Gammon's  surprise  a 
hackney-coach  was  driving  off  from  before  the  door;  and, 
on  entering  the  house,  guess  his  amazement  at  hearing  that 
Lady  Cecilia  with  Miss  Macspleuchan  had  just  gone  up-stairs 
in  terrible  trouble.  The  plain  fact  was  that  she  had  just 
been  driven  out  of  her  own  house  by  a  couple  of  executions 
put  in  that  morning  by  two  creditors  of  Titmouse.  As  soon 
as  Mr.  Gammon  found  the  means  of  doing  it  unobserved, 
he  made  a  sign  to  Miss  Macspleuchan  that  he  had  some- 
thing of  great  importance  to  communicate  to  her.  Leaving 
the  Lady  Cecilia  in  the  care  of  her  maid,  Miss  Macspleu- 
chan followed  Mr.  Gammon  down-stairs  into  the  library, 
and  was  in  a  few  hurried  words  apprised  of  the  illness  of 
the  Earl — of  the  cause  of  it  (viz.,  the  sudden  failure  of  an 
important  speculation  in  which  the  Earl  was  interested) — 
and  that  his  lordship  would  be  brought  home  in  about  an 
hour's  time  or  so,  in  company  with  a  medical  man.  Gently 
and  gradually  as  Miss  Macspleuchan  broke  the  intelligence 
to  Lady  Cecilia  it  occasioned  her  falling  into  a  swoon.  On 
recovering  she  requested  Mr.  Gammon  to  be  sent  for,  and 
with  considerable  agitation  inquired  into  the  occasion  and 
manner  of  the  Earl's  illness.  As  soon  as  he  had  mentioned 
that  it  was  a  paragraph  in  the  day's  paper  that  first  oc- 
casioned in  the  Earl  the  agitation  which  had  induced  such 
serious  consequences — 

"What!  in  the  papers  already?  Is  it  about  that  fellow 
Titmouse?"  she  inquired  with  a  languid  air  of  disgust. 

"  No,  indeed,  Lady  Cecilia,  Mr.  Titmouse  has  nothing  to  do 
with  it,"  replied  Gammon,  with  a  slight  inward  spasm;  and 
just  as  he  had  succeeded  in  giving  her  to  understand  the 
cause  to  which  he  chose  to  refer  the  Earl's  illness,  carriage 
wheels  were  heard,  followed  in  a  second  or  two  by  a  tremen- 
dous thundering  at  the  door,  which  made  even  Gammon 
almost  start  from  his  chair  and  threw  Lady  Cecilia  into 
a  second  swoon.  Gammon  stepped  for  an  instant  to  the 
window — he  saw  the  poor  old  peer  in  the  state  I  have  de- 
scribed, and  the  sight  blanched  his  cheeks. 

Leaving  her  ladyship  in  the  hands  of  Miss  Macspleuchan, 
he  followed  into  the  Earl's  bedroom,  and  was  a  little  re- 
lieved at  finding  that  the  Earl  was  in  a  much  more  satisfac- 
tory state  than  could  have  been  anticipated.  As  his  lord- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  405 

ship's  own  physician  (who  had  been  summoned  on  the  Earl's 
arrival  home)  intimated  that  repose  was  essential  to  his 
lordship,  and  that  no  one  should  remain  in  the  room  whose 
services  were  not  indispensable,  Gammon  took  his  departure, 
after  an  anxious  inquiry  as  to  Lady  Cecilia,  intending  to 
return  before  night,  personally  to  make  his  inquiries  con- 
cerning the  Earl  and  her  ladyship. 


CHAPTER  XXIX 

DISCLOSES    THE     AWFUL    CONSEQUENCES    OF    MR.     GAMMON'S 
ACTION,  BECAUSE  OF  WHICH  THE  READER  BIDS  AN  ETER- 
NAL FAREWELL  TO  THE  POOR  LADY  CECILIA 

A  MIGHTY  sigh  escaped  from  the  oppressed  bosom  of  Gam- 
mon as  soon  as,  having  quitted  the  house,  he  found  himself 
in  the  street  alone.  He  soon,  however,  recovered  himself, 
and  began  very  seriously  to  contemplate  the  position  in 
which  he  now  found  himself  placed.  Here  was  Lord  Dred- 
dlington  involved  to  a  most  alarming  extent  in  respect  of  his 
connection  with  one  of  the  bubble  companies,  into  an  alliance 
with  which  it  had  been  Gammon  who  seduced  him.  But  he 
quickly  lost  sight  of  that,  as  a  very  light  matter  compared 
with  what  had  subsequently  happened,  and  with  the  pro- 
digious consequences  to  which  this  might  possibly  lead — and 
that,  too,  immediately. 

This  crisis  had  been  precipitated  by  an  accident — an  occur- 
rence which  he  felt  that  no  man  could  have  foreseen.  Cer- 
tainly it  might  all  be  traced  to  his  own  oversight  in  leaving 
the  conveyance  of  his  rent-charge  upon  his  table,  tho  for 
only  a  minute  or  two's  absence;  for  he  had  not  quitted 
his  chambers  more  than  five  minutes  before  he  had  re-entered 
them,  finding  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington  there — of  all  persons 
in  the  world,  the  very  last  whom  Gammon  would  have  wished 
to  be  aware  of  the  existence  of  such  an  instrument.  Who 
could  have  imagined  such  an  occurrence?  Never  before  had 
the  Earl  visited  him  at  his  own  private  residence;  and  to 
come  just  precisely  at  the  very  moment — and  yet,  thought 
Gammon,  almost  starting  back  a  step  or  two,  when  one 
came  to  think  of  it,  what  was  more  likely  than,  on  seeing 
the  paragraph  in  the  morning  paper,  that  his  lordship  should 
have  done  the  very  thing  he  had,  and  driven  down  to  Mr. 
Gammon  for  an  explanation  ?  Bah  !  thought  Mr.  Gammon, 
and  stamped  his  foot  on  the  pavement. 

"  But  the  thing  is  done ;  and  what  am  I  now  to  do  ?  What 
can  I  do?  First  of  all,  there's  Titmouse — where  is  that  little 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  407 

miscreant  at  this  moment?  Will  he  follow  his  wife  to  Gros- 
venor  Square?  Will  the  Earl  have  recovered,  before  I  can 
see  Titmouse,  sufficiently  to  recollect  what  has  happened? 
Will  they  allow  him  to  be  admitted  into  the  sick-chamber? 
Supp6se  his  presence  should  remind  the  Earl  of  what  he  had 
this  day  heard  ?  Suppose  he  should  recover  his  senses — what 
course  will  he  take?  Will  he  acquaint  his  daughter  that  she 
is  married  to  a  vulgar  bastard — oh,  frightful! — she  and  he 
the  two  proudest  persons,  perhaps,  living!  Will  they  spurn 
him  from  them  with  loathing  and  horror — expose  the  little 
impostor  to  the  world — and  take,  God  knows  what  steps 
against  me,  for  the  share  I  have  had  in  the  matter?  Oh, 
impossible! — inconceivable!  They  can  never  blazon  their 
own  degradation  to  the  world !  Or  will  Lord  Dreddlington 
have  discretion  and  self-command  sufficient  to  keep  the  blight- 
ing secret  to  himself?  Will  he  rest  satisfied  with  my  state- 
ment, or  insist  on  conclusive  proof  and  corroboration  ?  Will 
he  call  for  vouchers — ah  ! "  here  he  ground  his  teeth  together, 
for  he  recollected  the  trick  which  Titmouse  had  played  him 
in  destroying  the  precious  documents  already  spoken  of. 
"If  the  little  wretch  does  not  hear  of  what  has  happened 
from  any  one  else,  shall  I  tell  him  that  I  have  communi- 
cated his  secret  to  Lord  Dreddlington?  Fancy  him  and  his 
wife  meeting  after  they  know  all !  — or  him  and  the  Earl ! 
Suppose  the  Earl  should  die — and  without  having  disclosed 
this  secret  to  any  one?  What  a  godsend  would  that  be!" 

Some  five  minutes  afterward  he  was  startled  out  of  his 
meditations  by  hearing  a  voice  calling  out  his  name,  and, 
looking  toward  the  middle  of  the  street,  beheld  Mr.  Tit- 
mouse beckoning  to  him  out  of  a  hackney-coach,  which  at 
Titmouse's  bidding  drew  up  to  the  curbstone. 

"  Oh — I  say  !  — Mr.  Gammon  !  — 'pon  my  life — here's  a  pre- 
cious mess! — Such  a  devil  of  a  row!"  commenced  Titmouse 
alarmedly,  speaking  in  a  low  voice  through  the  coach  window. 

"What,  sir?"  inquired  Gammon  sternly. 

"Why— eh?  heard  of  it?    Lady  Cicely " 

"  I  have  heard  of  it,  sir,"  replied  Gammon  gloomily,  "  and 
I  have,  in  my  turn,  something  of  far  greater  consequence  to 
tell  you.  Let  the  coachman  turn  back  and  drive  you  to  my 
chambers,  where  I  will  meet  you  in  a  quarter  of  an  hour's 
time." 


4o8  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"  O  Lord !  Won't  you  get  in  and  tell  me  now? — Do,  Mr. 
Gam " 

"No,  sir!"  replied  Gammon  sternly,  and  walked  away,  leav- 
ing Titmouse  in  a  pretty  fright. 

"Now,  shall  I  tell  him  or  not?"  thought  Gammon,  and, 
after  some  minutes'  anxious  consideration,  determined  on 
doing  so — and  on  threatening  him  that  if  he  did  not  change 
his  courses,  so  far  as  money  went,  he — Gammon — would  in- 
stantly blast  him,  by  exposure  of  his  real  character  and  cir- 
cumstances to  the  whole  world.  What  might  be  the  actual 
extent  of  his  embarrassments,  Gammon  knew  not,  nor  was 
he  aware  of  the  fact  that  Titmouse  was  at  that  moment 
getting  into  the  hands  of  swindling  money-lenders.  In  point 
of  dress  and  manners,  Titmouse  was  the  same  that  he  had 
ever  been  since  fortune  had  given  him  the  means  of  dressing 
according  to  his  fancy  and  the  fashion ;  but  any  one  looking 
at  his  face  could  see  the  results  of  excess  and  debauchery. 
When  Gammon  joined  him  at  his  chambers  and  told  him  the 
events  of  the  day,  Titmouse  exhibited  affright  that  to  any 
other  beholder  would  have  appeared  ludicrous;  but  as 
Gammon's  object  was  to  subdue  and  terrify  his  companion 
into  an  implicit  submission  to  his  will,  he  dismissed  him  for 
the  day,  simply  enjoining  him  to  keep  away  from  Grosvenor 
Square  and  Park  Lane  till  an  early  hour  in  the  ensuing 
morning — by  which  time  events,  which  might  have  happened 
in  the  interval,  might  determine  the  course  which  Gammon 
should  dictate  to  Titmouse.  At  that  time  Gammon  was 
strongly  inclined  to  insist  on  Titmouse's  going  to  the  Conti- 
nent for  a  little  while,  to  be  out  of  harm's  way;  but,  in 
fact,  he  felt  dreadfully  embarrassed  to  know  how  to  dis- 
pose of  Titmouse — regarding  him  with  feelings  somewhat, 
perhaps,  akin  to  those  with  which  Frankenstein  beheld  his 
monster. 

But  to  return  to  Lord  Dreddlington.  The  remedies  re- 
sorted to  so  speedily  after  his  seizure  at  Mr.  Gammon's 
chambers  had  most  materially  counteracted  the  effects  of 
the  terrible  shock  which  he  had  sustained.  Shortly  after  his 
removal  to  his  own  house,  he  sank  into  tranquil  sleep,  which 
continued,  with  a  few  interruptions,  for  several  hours.  To- 
ward seven  o'clock  in  the  evening  there  were  sitting  on 
one  side  of  the  bed  Miss  Macspleuchan,  and  on  the  other 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  409 

the  Lady  Cecilia — who  also  had  rallied  from  the  shock  which 
she  had  sustained,  and  now,  occasionally  shedding  tears,  sat 
gazing  in  melancholy  silence  at  the  countenance  of  her  father. 
She  was  certainly  a  miserable  young  woman — ignorant  tho 
she  might  be  of  the  real  extent  of  disaster  consequent  upon 
her  alliance  with  Titmouse,  whom  she  had  hated  and  despised. 
Their  almost  total  estrangement  was  notorious  in  society. 
At  length  the  Earl,  who  had  become  rather  restless,  faintly 
muttered  the  words : 

"  Bubble-villain-Blackwall : 

"  You  see,"  whispered  Miss  Macspleuchan,  "  what  he's  think- 
ing of.  He  dined  with  those  people,  you  know,"  Lady  Cecilia 
nodded  in  silence.  Presently  his  lordship  resumed — 

"Account  closed! — Is  Mr.  Gammon  at  home ' 

The  current  of  his  recollections  had  now  brought  him  to 
the  point  of  danger;  and  a  troubled  expression  came  over 
his  face — he  was  evidently  realizing  the  commencement  of  the 
terrible  scene  in  Mr.  Gammon's  room — then  he  seemed  to 
have  lost  the  train  of  his  thoughts  for  a  while,  as  his  features 
slowly  resumed  their  previous  placidity;  but  the  troubled 
expression  presently  returned,  and  his  lips  were  suddenly 
compressed  and  his  brow  corrugated  with  anger  or  indig- 
nation. 

"  Monstrous !  Two  thousand  pounds?'  He  spoke  these 
words  in  a  much  stronger  voice  than  those  preceding. 

"Oh,  dear! — I  should  have  thought  his  lordship  had  lost 
much  more  than  that"  whispered  Miss  Macspleuchan. 

"  Insist ! — Titmouse — Titmouse  !"  His  lip  slightly  quivered. 

"Shocking!  What  will  she :>  An  expression  of  agony 

came  over  his  face. 

"  Poor  papa  !     He's  heard  it  all !"  said  Lady  Cecilia  faintly. 

"Cecilia! — Cecilia!"  continued  the  Earl,  and,  suddenly 
opening  his  eyes,  gazed  forward,  and  then  on  each  side,  with 
a  dull  confused  stare.  Then  he  closed  them,  muttering, 
"I  certainly  thought  Mr.  Gammon  was  here!"  Shortly 
afterward  he  opened  them  again,  and,  his  head  being  in- 
clined toward  the  side  where  Lady  Cecilia  was  sitting,  they 
fell  upon,  and  seemed  to  be  arrested  by  her  countenance. 
After  gazing  at  her  for  some  moments  with  a  very,  very 
sorrowful  expression,  he  again  closed  his  eyes,  murmuring, 
"Poor  Cecilia!"  Nothing  could  be  more  soul-touching  than 


4io  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

the  tone  in  which  the  Earl  spoke.  "  Kiss  me,  Cecilia,"  said 
he  gently ;  and  raising  both  his  arms  a  little,  while  she  leaned 
forward  and  kissed  his  forehead,  he  very  feebly  placed  them 
round  her,  but  they  almost  immediately  sank  on  the  bed 
again,  as  if  he  had  not  strength  to  keep  them  extended. 

"  We  will  live  together,  Cecilia,  again,"  murmured  the  Earl. 

"Dear  papa,  don't  distress  yourself;  if  you  do,  I  really 
must  go  away  from  you." 

His  eye  remained  fixed  steadily  on  that  of  his  daughter. 
"Is  it  not  horrible,  Cecilia?"  said  he  with  a  shudder. 

"  Dear  papa,  I  don't  know  what  you  mean,"  replied  Cecilia, 
quite  startled  by  the  tone  of  his  voice  and  the  expression 
of  his  eye. 

"  I  thought  it  would  have  killed  her,"  he  muttered,  closing 
his  eyes,  while  a  faint  flush  came  over  his  face,  but  that  of 
Lady  Cecilia  turned  deadly  pale. 

"Don't  speak  again,  dear,"  whispered  Miss  Macspleuchan, 
herself  a  little  startled  by  the  Earl's  manner;  "he's  wander- 
ing a  little;  he'll  go  to  sleep  presently." 

"Yes,  in  my  grave,  madam,"  replied  the  Earl  gravely, 
and  speaking  in  a  stronger  voice  than  he  had  yet  spoken  in, 
at  the  same  time  turning  toward  Miss  Macspleuchan  an 
eye  that  suddenly  blanched  her  face.  She  gazed  at  him  in 
silence  and  apprehensively. 

There  ensued  a  pause  of  a  minute  or  two. 

"O  Cecilia!"  said  the  Earl  presently,  shaking  his  head 
and  looking  at  her  with  the  same  terrible  expression  that 
had  so  startled  her  before,  "  that  I  had  first  followed  you  to 
your  grave!" 

"My  dear  papa,  you  are  only  dreaming!" 

"  No,  I  am  not.  Oh !  how  can  you,  Cecilia,  be  so  calm 
here,  when  you  know  that  you  have  married  a ' 

Lady  Cecilia  glanced  hurriedly  at  Miss  Macspleuchan,  who, 
having  risen  a  little  from  her  chair,  was  leaning  forward  in 
an  agitated  manner,  and  straining  her  ear  to  catch  every 
word.  "What  are  you  talking  about,  papa?"  gasped  Lady 
Cecilia,  while  her  face  became  of  a  deadly  whiteness. 

"  Why,  I  thought  you  knew  it  all,"  said  the  Earl,  sustained 
and  stimulated  by  the  intensity  of  his  feelings;  "that  this 
Titmouse — is — Mr.  Gammon  has  acknowledged  all — an  in- 
famous impostor — an  illegitimate <" 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  411 

Miss  Macspleuchan,  with  a  faint  shriek,  rang  the  bell  at 
the  bed-head  violently;  but  before  she  or  any  one  else  could 
reach  her,  Lady  Cecilia  fell  heavily  on  the  floor.  She  was 
instantly  carried  out  insensible;  while  the  Earl  was  found 
to  be  seized  with  a  second  fit  of  apoplexy.  Dr.  Bailey  was 
quickly  in  attendance,  followed  soon  after  by  an  eminent 
accoucheur,  whom  it  had  been  found  necessary  to  send  for, 
Lady  Cecilia's  illness  having  assumed  the  most  alarming 
character  conceivable.  When  Miss  Macspleuchan  had  in  some 
measure  recovered  from  her  distraction,  she  despatched  a 
servant  to  implore  the  instant  attendance  of  the  Duke  and 
Duchess  of  Tantallan,  unable  to  bear  the  overwhelming  horror 
occasioned  to  her  by  the  statement  of  the  Earl  of  Dreddling- 
ton. 

Both  the  Duke  and  Duchess,  the  nearest  relatives  of  the 
Earl  (the  Duke  being  his  brother-in-law),  who  were  then  in 
London,  came,  within  half  an  hour  to  Lord  Dreddlington's 
and  were  made  acquainted  with  the  fearful  occasion  of  what 
had  happened.  The  Duke  and  Duchess  were  quite  as  proud 
and  haughty  people  as  Lord  Dreddlington ;  but  the  Duke 
was  a  little  the  Earl's  superior  in  point  of  understanding. 
When  first  told  of  the  Earl's  disclosure,  he  was  told  it  as  if 
it  were  an  ascertained  fact ;  and  his  horror  knew  no  bounds. 
But  when  he  came  to  inquire  into  the  matter,  and  found  that 
it  rested  on  no  other  foundation  than  the  distempered  wan- 
derings of  a  man  whose  brain  was  at  the  time  laboring  under 
the  effects  of  an  apoplectic  seizure,  he  began  to  feel  a  great 
relief;  especially  when  Miss  Macspleuchan  could  mention  no 
single  circumstance  corroboratory  of  so  amazing  and  fright- 
ful a  representation.  At  her  suggestion,  the  Duke  sent  off  a 
special  messenger  to  Mr.  Gammon  with  the  following  note : 

"  The  Duke  of  Tantallan  presents  his  compliments  to  Mr. 
Gammon,  and  most  earnestly  begs  that  he  will,  without  a 
moment's  delay,  favor  the  Duke  with  a  call  in  Portman 
Square,  on  business  of  the  last  importance." 

Mr.  Gammon  hastily  opened  the  letter,  and,  having  glanced 
at  the  contents— "  Give  my  compliments  to  his  grace,  and 
say  I  will  attend  him  immediately,"  said  he.  "By  the  way, 
do  you  happen  to  have  been  into  Grosvenor  Square  to-day  ? 


4i2  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

— And  do  you  know  how  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington  is?"  in- 
quired Gammon  anxiously. 

"Yes,  sir;  his  lordship  and  the  Lady  Cecilia  Titmouse 
are  both  dangerously  ill.  I  believe  his  lordship,  sir,  has  had 
a  stroke — they  say  it's  the  second  he's  had  to-day — and  her 
ladyship  is  taken  in  labor  and  is  in  a  shocking  bad  way, 
sir." 

"Dear!  I'm  sorry  to  hear  it!  Thank  you,"  replied  Gam- 
mon, hastily  turning  away  a  face  that  he  felt  must  have 
gone  of  a  ghastly  paleness. 

"  It  may  be  only  to  inquire  about  the  Artificial  Rain  Com- 
pany," said  Gammon  to  himself,  as  he  poured  himself  out 
a  small  glass  of  brandy  and  drank  it  off,  to  overcome  a  little 
sense  of  faintness  which  he  felt  coming  rapidly  over  him. 
"The  Duke  is  a  shareholder,  I  think.  But  I  must  take  a 
decided  course,  one  way  or  another.  Suppose  the  Earl  has 
disclosed  the  affair  to  Lady  Cecilia — and  it  has  got  to  the 
Duke's  ears?  Suppose  I  were  to  affect  total  ignorance  of  the 
thing — and  swear  that  it  is  altogether  a  delusion  on  the 
part  of  the  Earl  ? — That  would  be  rather  a  bold  stroke,  too  ! 
— Suppose  the  Earl  to  die  of  this  bout — ah !  then  there's  an 
end  of  the  thing,  and  all's  well.  A  second  fit  of  apoplexy 
within  twelve  hours — humph! — If  the  Earl  has  mentioned 
the  thing  how  far  has  he  gone  ? — Did  he  name  the  rent-charge  ? 
— Ah! — well,  and  suppose  he  did?  What's  easier  than  also 
to  deny  that  altogether?  But  suppose  Titmouse  should  be 
tampered  with,  and  pressed  about  the  business  ?  Perdition ! 
Then,  suppose  the  Earl  to  recover ;  he  will  never  be  the  same 
man  he  was — his  mind  will  go  altogether  !  — But  if  he  recovers 
a  glimmering  of  sense — egad !  'twill  require  a  little  nerve  to 
deny  the  thing  to  his  face,  and  swear  that  the  whole  thing 
is  a  delusion  of  a  brain  disordered  by  previous  fright !  — And 
suppose  Lady  Cecilia  dies? — and  leaves  no  issue? — and  then 
Lord  Dreddlington  follows  her — by  Heavens,  this  hideous 
little  devil  becomes  Lord  Drelincourt  at  once!!" 

This  was  the  way  that  Mr.  Gammon  turned  the  thing  over 
in  his  mind  as  he  rapidly  walked  toward  Portman  Square; 
and  by  the  time  that  he  had  reached  the  Duke's  house  he 
had  finally  determined  on  the  course  he  should  pursue;  and 
tho  his  face  was  rather  pale,  he  was  perfectly  self-possessed 
and  firm,  at  the  moment  of  his  being  shown  into  the  library, 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  413 

where  the  Duke  was  walking  about,  impatient  for  his  arrival. 

"Gracious  God,  sir!"  commenced  the  Duke,  "what  is  all 
this  horrible  news  we  hear  about  Mr.  Titmouse?" 

"Horrible  news — about  Mr.  Titmouse?"  echoed  Gammon 
amazedly,  "  pardon  me — I  don't  understand  your  grace ! 
If  you  allude  to  the  two  executions,  which  I'm  sorry  to 
hear : 

"  Pho,  sir !  you  are  trifling !  Believe  me,  this  is  a  very 
awful  moment  to  all  persons  involved  in  what  has  taken 
place!"  replied  the  Duke,  his  voice  quivering  with  emotion. 

"Your  grace,  I  really  cannot  comprehend  you " 

"You  soon  shall,  sir !  I  tell  you,  it  may  be  a  matter  of  in- 
finite moment  to  yourself  personally,  Mr.  Gammon!" 

"What  does  your  grace  mean?" 

"Mean,  sir?  By  -  — !  that  you've  killed  my  Lord  Dred- 
dlington  and  the  Lady  Cecilia,"  cried  the  Duke. 

"  I  wait  to  hear,  as  soon  as  your  grace  may  condescend  to 
explain,"  said  Gammon  calmly. 

"Explain,  sir?  Why,  I  have  already  told  and  explained 
everything!" 

"Your  grace  has  told — has  explained  nothing  whatever." 

"I  mean,  what's  this  horrible  story  you've  been  telling 
my  Lord  Dreddlington  about  Mr.  Titmouse  being — A  BAS- 
TARD?" If  the  Duke  had  struck  at  Gammon,  the  latter 
could  not  have  started  back  more  suddenly  and  violently 
than  he  did  on  hearing  his  grace  utter  the  last  word.  The 
spectacle  which  he  presented  arrested  the  Duke's  increasing 
excitement.  He  stared  with  amazement.  "Why,  sir,  are  we 
both — are  we  all — mad?  or  dreaming?  or  what  has  come  to 
us?" 

"I  think,"  replied  Gammon,  a  little  recovering  from  the 
sort  of  stupor  into  which  the  Duke's  words  had  apparently 
thrown  him,  "  it  is  I  who  have  a  better  title  than  your  grace 
to  ask  the  question ! — I  tell  Lord  Dreddlington  that  Mr. 
Titmouse  is  a  bastard !  Why,  I  can  hardly  credit  my  ears ! 
Docs  my  Lord  Dreddlington  say  that  I  have  told  him  so?" 

"He  does,  sir!"  replied  the  Duke  fiercely. 

"And  what  else  may  his  lordship  have  said  concerning 
me?"  inquired  Gammon,  with  a  sort  of  hopeless  smile. 

"By  Heaven,  sir,  you  mustn't  treat  this  matter  lightly!" 
said  the  Duke  impetuously. 


414  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"  May  I  ask  your  grace  whether  this  is  the  matter  men- 
tioned in  your  grace's  note,  as  of  the " 

"It  is,  sir!  it  is! — and  it's  killed  my  Lord  Dreddlington — 
and  also  the  Lady  Cecilia ! " 

"What!"  cried  Gammon,  starting  with  increasing  amaze- 
ment, "does  her  ladyship,  too,  say  that  I  have  told  her 
so?" 

"Well,  sir — certainly  the  fact  is,  I  may  be  mistaken  as  to 
that  matter.  I  was  not  present;  but,  at  all  events,  my  Lord 
Dreddlington  certainly  says  you  told  him — and  he's  told 
Lady  Cecilia — and  it's  killing  her.  By  Heavens,  sir,  I  expect 
hourly  to  hear  of  both  of  their  deaths  !  Have  you  ever  made 
any  such  statement  to  my  Lord  Dreddlington?" 

"Not  a  syllable — never  a  breath  of  the  sort  in  my  life!" 
replied  Gammon  boldly  and  rather  sharply. 

"  What— nothing  of  the  sort?  or  to  that  effect?" 

"Certainly — certainly  not! — But  let  me  ask,  in  my  turn,  is 
the  fact  so?  Does  your  grace  mean  to  say  that " 

"No,  sir,"  interrupted  the  Duke,  but  not  speaking  in  his 
former  confident  tone,  "but  my  Lord  Dreddlington  does!" 

"Oh,  impossible!  impossible!"  cried  Gammon  with  an  in- 
credulous air.  "Only  consider  for  one  moment — how  could 
the  fact  possibly  be  so  and  I  not  know  it?  Why,  I  know 
every  step  of  his  pedigree!" 

"Why,  Mr.  Gammon,  then  my  Lord  Dreddlington  must 
have  completely  lost  his  senses !  He  declares  that  you  told 
him  that  such  was  the  fact !  — When  and  where,  may  I  ask, 
did  you  first  see  him  to-day?" 

"About  half-past  eleven  or  twelve  o'clock,  when  he  called 
at  my  chambers  in  a  state  of  the  greatest  agitation  and 
excitement,  occasioned  by  the  announcement  in  this  morn- 
ing's paper  of  the  sudden  blow-up  of  the  Artificial " 

"Good  Heaven!  why,  is  f/iaf  gone?"  interrupted  his  grace 
eagerly  and  alarmedly.  "When?  why?  how?" 

"Indeed  it  is,  your  grace.  My  Lord  Dreddlington  was  the 
first  from  whom  I  heard  anything  on  the  subject." 

"  It's  very  odd  I  didn't  see  the  paragraph !  Where  was 
it?  In  the  Morning  Growl?" 

"It  was,  your  grace — it  stated  that  Sir  Sharper  Bubble 
had  suddenly  absconded,  with  all  the  funds  of " 

"  Oh,  the  villain  !     Why  do  you  make  such  people  chairmen 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  415 

and  treasurers  and  so  forth?  How  must  the  loss  be  made 
good?  You  really  don't  look  sharp  enough  after  people 
whom  you  put  into  such  situations !  Who  the  deuce  is  this 
fellow — this  Sir  Bubble  Sharper  ?" 

"  He  was  greatly  respected  in  the  City,  or  he  would  not  have 
been  in  the  situation  he  was.  Who  could  have  suspected  it?" 

"And  is  the  thing  quite  blown  up?    All  gone?" 

"Yes,  I  fear  it  is,  indeed!"  replied  Gammon. 

"  Of  course  no  one  can  be  made  liable,"  inquired  the  Duke 
very  anxiously,  "beyond  the  amount  of  his  shares?" 

"I  devoutly  trust  not !  Your  grace  sees  it  depends  a  good 
deal  on  the  prominence  which  any  one  takes  in  the  affair." 

"Egad!  is  that  the  principle?  Then,  I  assure  you,  Mr. 
Gammon,  I  have  not,  for  my  part,  taken  the  least  public 
part  in  the  proceedings ' 

"  I  am  very  happy  to  hear  it,  your  grace !  Nor  have  I — 
but  I  very  much  fear  that  my  Lord  Dreddlington  may  have 
gone  further  a  good  deal : 

"I've  several  times  warned  him  on  the  subject,  I  assure 
you !  By  the  way,  there's  that  other  affair,  Mr.  Gammon. 
I  hope — eh? — that  the  Gunpowder  and  Freshwater — 

"  Good  heavens,  your  grace !  I  hope  all  is  right  there — or 
I,  for  one,  am  a  ruined  man!"  replied  Gammon  quickly. 

"  I— I — hope  so,  too,  sir.  So  Lord  Dreddlington  was  a  good 
deal  shocked,  eh,  this  morning?" 

"Yes,  indeed!     I  was  greatly  alarmed  on  his  account." 

"And  is  this  Mr.   Titmouse — eh? — involved  in  the  thing?" 

"  I  really  can't  tell — his  movements  are  somewhat  eccentric. 
By  the  way,  I  recollect  now  that  I  did  mention  his  name 
to  Lord  Dreddlington." 

"Ah,  indeed?    What  about?" 

"  Why,  I  heard  that  early  this  morning  there  would  be  one 
or  two  executions  put  into  his  house — he's  been  going  on 
lately  in  a  very  wild  way." 

"Was  that  all  that  passed  between  you  about  him?" 

"I  will  undertake  to  say,"  replied  Gammon  pausing,  put- 
ting his  finger  to  his  lips,  and  trying  to  recollect,  "  that  that 
was  the  only  mention  made  of  his  name,  for  soon  after  his 
lordship  was  seized  with  a  fit."  There  ensued  a  pause  of  a 
few  moments. 

"  What  a  singular  hallucination  his  lordship  must  be  labor- 


4i 6  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

ing  under  to  make  such  an  assertion  concerning  me  as  he 
appears  to  have  made!"  presently  observed  Gammon. 

"Very!"  replied  the  Duke  earnestly,  and  added,  after  one 
or  two  other  observations, "  then  I  understand  you  as  stating, 
Mr.  Gammon,  that  there  is  not  the  least  foundation  for  the 
representations  which  my  Lord  Dreddlington  has  made  con- 
cerning you,  with  reference  to  Mr.  Titmouse — excuse  me,  is 
it  so,  upon  your  word  of  honor  ?" 

"Upon  my  sacred  word  of  honor!"  replied  Gammon  stead- 
fastly, and,  bowing  to  the  Duke,  took  his  leave,  promising 
to  call  on  his  grace  early  on  the  morrow,  and  to  make  every 
exertion  to  see  Mr.  Titmouse — whom  Mr.  Gammon  was  now, 
indeed,  devouringly  anxious  to  see.  Good  heavens — how 
much  depended  on  Titmouse !  on  the  manner  in  which  he 
would  deal  with  such  questions  as  would  infallibly  be  asked 
of  him  by  the  Duke,  and  by  any  one  else  who  might  have 
heard  of  the  rumor  !  In  short,  Gammon  was  quite  distracted 
by  doubts  and  fears,  as  he  bent  his  way  back  to  his  cham- 
bers, not  venturing,  after  what  he  had  heard,  to  call  in  Gros- 
venor  Square  that  evening,  lest  he  should  hear  fatal  news  of 
his  victims!  The  next  morning  the  instant  that  Mr.  Gam- 
mon laid  his  hands  on  the  morning  paper,  he  turned  with 
eagerness  and  trepidation  to  a  particular  gloomy  corner  of 
it  and  read  as  follows  : 

"  Died,  yesterday,  in  her  2gth  year,  after  giving  premature 
birth  to  a  son,  still-born,  Lady  Cecilia  Titmouse,  the  lady 
of  Tittlebat  Titmouse,  Esq.,  M.P.,  and  only  daughter  and 
heiress  of  the  Right  Honorable  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington." 
Mr.  Gammon  laid  down  the  paper,  and  for  some  moments 
felt  overcome  with  a  deadly  faintness.  Having,  however, 
recovered  himself  a  little,  on  casting  a  hasty  apprehensive 
glance  over  the  paper  for  intelligence  of  the  Earl  of  Dred- 
dlington, he  read  as  follows  : 

"The  Earl  of  Dreddlington,  we  regret  to  say,  continues 
alarmingly  ill.  Drs.  Bailey  and  Whittington  are  in  constant 
attendance  upon  his  lordship.  Our  readers  will  see,  in  an- 
other part  of  our  paper,  the  melancholy  announcement  of 
the  death  of  his  lordship's  lovely  and  accomplished  daughter, 
Lady  Cecilia  Titmouse,  after  giving  premature  birth  to  a  son, 
still-born.  We  regret  to  hear  it  rumored  that  the  illness  of  his 
lordship  originated  in  a  shock  occasioned  by  circumstances 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


417 


of  a  very  painful  nature;  but  this  report,  we  trust,  will  turn 
out  to  be  unfounded.  In  the  event  of  his  lordship's  demise, 
he  is  succeeded  in  his  titles  and  estates  by  his  son-in-law, 
and  heir,,  upon  the  death  of  the  Lady  Cecilia,  Mr.  Titmouse, 
M.P.  for  Yatton." 

In  passing  down  Park    Lane,    after   the   funeral   of  poor 
Lady  Cecilia,  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Aubrey  and  Kate  saw  a  hatch- 


"  Upon  rny 
sacred  wor 
of  honor." 


ment  suspended  from  the  house  of  Mr.  Titmouse;  and,  some 
short  time  afterward,  they  saw  that  gentleman  himself,  in 
the  Park,  driving  a  beautiful  dark-blue  cab,  his  tiger  and 
he  both  in  mourning — which  became  them  equally.  Black 
greatly  changes  most  people's  appearance;  but  it  effected  a 
peculiar  change  in  Mr.  Titmouse;  the  fact  being,  however, 
that,  desirous  of  exhibiting  even  extra  marks  of  respect  for 
27 


4i8  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

the  memory  of  the  dear  deceased  Lady  Cecilia,  he  had  put 
his  sandy  mustaches  and  imperial  into  mourning  by  care- 
fully dressing  them  with  Indian  ink,  which  gave  a  very  touch- 
ing and  pensive  character,  indeed,  to  his  features ! 


CHAPTER  XXX 

REVEALS  A  CERTAIN  PIECE   OF   NEWS   WHICH    VARIOUSLY   AF- 
FECTS THE  SEVERAL   FORTUNES  OF  THE  HERO,   LORD 
DREDDLINGTON,  THE  AUBREYS,  AND  MR.  GAMMON 

WHILE  Mr.  Titmouse's  pedigree  is  being  subjected  to  the 
gloomy,  silent,  and  mysterious  inquisition  of  the  Ecclesiastical 
Court  in  the  matter  of  the  caveat  •  estopping  the  adminis- 
tration of  Lady  Stratton's  will,  on  the  ground  that  Mr. 
Aubrey  is  NEARER  OF  KIN  than  he,  for  reasons  which  will 
appear  later,  let  us  turn  for  a  moment  to  contemplate  a  piti- 
able figure — a  victim  of  the  infernal  machinations  of  Mr.  Gam- 
mon— I  mean  the  poor  old  Earl  of  Dreddlington.  He  was 
yet — a  month  after  the  death  of  his  unhappy  daughter,  Lady 
Cecilia — staggering  under  the  awful  shock  which  he  had  ex- 
perienced. Before  he  had  been  in  any  degree  restored  to 
consciousness,  she  had  been  buried  for  nearly  three  weeks; 
and  the  earliest  notification  to  him  of  the  melancholy  occur- 
rence was  the  deep  mourning  habiliments  of  Miss  Macspleu- 
chan,  who  scarcely  ever  quitted  his  bedside.  When,  in  a  feeble 
and  tremulous  voice,  he  inquired  as  to  the  cause  of  her  death, 
he  could  get  no  other  account  of  it — either  from  Miss  Mac- 
spleuchan,  his  physicians,  or  the  Duke  of  Tantallan — than 
that  it  had  been  occasioned  by  the  shock  of  suddenly  seeing 
his  lordship  brought  home  seriously  ill. 

When  at  length  he  pressed  Miss  Macsplcuchan,  upon  the 
matter,  and  challenged  her  as  to  the  real  cause  of  what  had 
happened — viz.,  the  blighting  discovery  of  Mr.  Titmouse's 
illegitimacy — she  resolutely  maintained  that  he  was  laboring 
altogether  under  a  delusion— indeed,  a  double  delusion;  first, 
as  to  his  imaginary  conversation  with  Mr.  Gammon,  and, 
secondly,  as  to  his  supposed  communication  of  it  to  Lady 
Cecilia.  As  the  Duke  invariably  joined  Miss  Macspleuchan  in 
scouting  the  mere  mention  of  the  matter  as  but  the  figment 
of  a  disordered  brain,  the  Earl  was  at  length  silenced,  if  not 
convinced.  He  peremptorily  prohibited  Mr.  Titmouse,  however, 


420  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

from  entering  his  house;  and  there  was  little  difficulty  in 
making  that  gentleman  appear  satisfied  that  the  sole  cause 
of  his  exclusion  was  his  cruelty  and  profligacy  toward  the 
late  Lady  Cecilia — altho,  with  a  sickening  inward  shudder,  he 
had  previously  learned  the  real  reason  from  Mr.  Gammon. 

Mr.  Gammon's  first  interview  with  the  Earl,  after  his  ill- 
ness and  bereavement,  had  become  a  matter  of  absolute 
necessity — and  was  at  his  lordship's  instance,  for  the  Duke 
of  Tantallan  had  intimated  to  him  that  it  was  indeed  in- 
dispensable, if  only  to  settle  some  matters  of  business  of 
pressing  exigency  connected  with  the  failure  of  the  Artificial 
Rain  Company.  Gammon  responded  to  the  Earl's  request, 
which  was  conveyed  to  him  through  the  Duke,  with  reluc- 
tance. Not,  however,  that  he  really  felt  any  commiseration 
for  his  victim,  whom  he  knew  to  be  absolutely  ruined :  his 
anxiety  was  only  as  to  how  he  should  extricate  himself  from 
liability  in  respect  of  it. 

The  Earl  sat  in  his  library,  dressed  in  deep  black,  which 
hung  upon  his  shrunk  attenuated  figure  as  upon  an  old 
skeleton.  He  looked  twenty  years  older  than  he  had  appeared 
two  short  months  before.  His  hair,  white  as  snow,  his  pallid 
emaciated  cheek,  his  weak  and  wandering  eye,  and  a  slight 
tremulous  motion  about  his  head  and  shoulders — all  showed 
the  mere  wreck  of  a  man  that  he  had  become. 

"  Mr.  Gammon,  my  lord,"  said  the  servant  in  a  low  tone, 
after  gently  opening  the  door. 

"  Show  him  in,"  said  the  Duke,  rather  nervously,  adding 
to  the  Earl  in  a  hurried  whisper,  "now  be  calm — my  dear 
Dreddlington — be  calm — it  will  be  over  in  a  few  minutes' 
time."  The  Earl's  lips  quivered  a  little,  his  thin  white  hands 
trembled,  and  his  eyes  were  directed  to  the  door  with  a  look 
of  the  most  mournful  apprehension,  as  the  fiend  entered. 
Mr.  Gammon  was  pale  and  evidently  nervous  and  excited; 
his  habitual  self-command,  however,  would  have  concealed 
it  from  any  but  a  practised  observer.  "It  gives  me  deep 
concern,  my  lord,"  said  he  in  a  low  tone,  advancing  with 
an  air  of  profound  deference  and  sympathy,  "to  see  that 
you  have  been  so  great  a  sufferer  ! " 

"Will  you  take  a  chair,  sir?"  said  the  Duke,  pointing  to 
one  which  the  servant  had  brought  for  him,  and  in  which 
Gammon  sat  down,  with  a  courteous  inclination  toward 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  421 

the  Duke.  "You  see,"  said  his  grace,  "that  my  Lord  Dred- 
dlington  is  but  slowly  recovering!" 

"Is  it  true,  sir?"  inquired  the  Earl,  evidently  with  a  des- 
perate effort. 

Gammon  answered  calmly  :  "Alas.! — your  lordship  of  course 
alludes  to  that  unhappy  company — 

"  /s  it  true,  sir!"  repeated  the  Earl,  altogether  disregard- 
ing Gammon's  attempt  at  evasion. 

"You  cannot  but  be  aware,  Mr.  Gammon,  of  the  subject 
to  which  my  Lord  Dreddlington  is  alluding,"  said  the  Duke. 

"Oh!"  exclaimed  Gammon  with  a  slight  shrug  of  his 
shoulders  and  a  sigh,  "  I  understand  that  your  lordship  is 
alluding  to  some  conversation  which  you  suppose  has  passed 
between  us  concerning  Mr.  Titmouse." 

"Sir — sir — yes  !  yes!"  gasped  the  Earl. 

"Well,  my  lord,  I  have  heard  that  you  suppose  I  told 
your  lordship  that  he  was  illegitimate." 

"Ay,"  said  the  Earl  with  tremulous  eagerness. 

"O  my  lord,  you  are  really  laboring  under  as  complete 
a  delusion  as  ever,"  commenced  Gammon. 

"Sir — Mr.  Gammon — do  you  believe  that  there  is  NO  GOD? 
— that  HE  does  not  know  the — the —  "  interrupted  the  Earl, 
but  ceased,  apparently  overpowered  by  his  emotions.  Gam- 
mon looked  in  appealing  silence  at  the  Duke. 

"What  makes  you  imagine,  sir,  that  I  am  bereft  of  reason 
and  memory?"  presently  inquired  the  Earl,  with  a  strength 
of  voice  and  manner  which  alarmed  Gammon. 

"  I  cannot  account,  my  lord,  for  the  extraordinary  hallu- 
cination which  seems — 

"  And  I  suppose,  sir,  I  am  also  in  a  delusion  concerning 
the  rent-charge  for  two  thousand  a  year,  which  you  have 
got  on  the  Yatton  pro — 

"Oh,  pardon — pardon  me,  my  lord!  All  pure — absolute 
delusion!"  interrupted  Gammon,  with  a  confident  smile,  a 
look  and  a  tone  of  voice  that  would  have  staggered  the 
most  incredulous. 

The  Earl  raised  his  thin,  white,  trembling  hand  and  pressed 
it  against  his  forehead  for  a  moment;  and  then  said,  turn- 
ing to  the  Duke,  "  He  would  deny  that  he  is  now  in  our 
presence !" 

"  My  dear  Dreddlington — don't,  for  God's  sake,  excite  your- 


422 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


self,"  said  the  Duke  anxiously,  adding,  after  a  pause,  "  I  am 
as  persuaded,  as  I  am  of  my  existence,  that  you're  under  a 
complete  delusion !  Recollect  your  serious  illness — every  one 
is  subject  to  delusions  of  some  sort  or  other  when  he's  been 
so  ill  as  you  have!" 

"0  Tantallan !  Tantallan!"  replied  the  Earl,  mourn- 
fully shaking  his  head,  "  I  take  God  to  witness  how  this  man 
is  lying!"  The  Duke  glanced  hastily  at  Gammon  as  these 


5ir  -  Mr.  Gammon  -  clo 
^you   believe    there  is 
MO    God   • 


words  were  uttered,  and  observed  that  he  had  gone  suddenly 
pale  and  was  in  the  act  of  rising  from  his  chair. 

"  Pray,  Mr.  Gammon —  -"  commenced  the  Duke  imploringly. 

"I  can  make  very  great  allowance,  I  assure  your  grace,  for 
his  lordship's  situation — but  there  are  bounds  which  I  will 
allow  no  man  living  to  overstep  with  impunity,"  said  Gam- 
mon calmly  but  resolutely — overjoyed  at  obtaining  such  a 
pretext  for  terminating  the  interview;  "and  unless  his  lord- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  42.3 

ship  chooses  instantly  to  retract  what  he  has  said,  and 
apologize  for  it,  I  will  never  enter  his  presence  again ! " 

"Oh — he  had  better  go!"  said  the  Earl  feebly,  averting 
his  face  from  Gammon  with  horror. 

"  Mr.  Gammon,  pray  resume  your  seat,"  said  the  Duke 
significantly.  "  I  will  undertake  to  warrant  you  in  regarding 
the  words  as  not  having  been  spoken." 

"I  thank  your  grace,"  replied  Gammon  determinately,  "I 
require  an  explicit  retraction.  I  entertain  a  deep  deference 
toward  your  grace,  but  am  also  aware  of  what  is  due  to  my- 
self. My  lord,"  he  added,  as  if  at  a  sudden  impulse,  address- 
ing the  Earl,  "do  permit  me  to  request  your  lordship  to 
withdraw  and  apologize  for —  But  the  Earl  turned  his 
face  aside,  and,  extending  his  hand  toward  Gammon,  feebly 
motioning  him  away;  on  which,  with  a  low  bow  to  the  Duke 
of  Tantallan,  Gammon  took  his  hat  and  moved  toward  the 
door. 

"  Sir — Mr.  Gammon — you  must  not  go,"  said  the  Duke 
earnestly;  "you  are  here  on  business  of  pressing  importance 
— all  this  must  pass  away  and  be  forgotten." 

"  Your  grace,  I  shall  be  most  happy  to  attend  at  any  time 
and  anywhere;  but  this  room  I  quit  instantly." 

"  Then,  sir,  have  the  goodness  to  walk  into  the  next  room," 
said  the  Duke  somewhat  imperiously,  "and  I  will  come  to 
you  presently."  Mr.  Gammon  bowed  and  withdrew. 

"O  God!  how  atrocious  is  the  conduct  of  that  man!"  said 
the  Earl,  when  they  were  left  alone. 

"  Really,  Dreddlington,  you  must  get  rid  of  these — these — 
absurd  notions." 

"Let  me  never  see  his  face  again!"  replied  the  Earl  feebly. 
"I  have  but  a  short  time  to  live,  and  that  time  the  sight 
of  him,  I  feel,  makes  still  shorter." 

"Come,  come — now  he's  here,  and  on  a  very  important 
errand — let  us  have  done  with  him — let  us  have  him  back, 
and  I'll  tell  him  you  withdraw — 

"Withdraw?    He  is  withdrawn,"  said  the  Earl  confusedly. 

"  What  d'ye  mean,  my  dear  Dreddlington  ?  I  say — let  me 
tell  him— 

"  I  mean,  it  was  at  his  chambers,  in  Holborn — I  pledge  my 
honor,  I  recollect  as  if  it  were  yester : 

"Pho,  pho!"  cried  the  Duke,  rather  impatiently,  "it  must 


424  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

be  done !  He's  come  on  matters  of  the  very  last  importance 
— the  thing's  been  put  off  to  the  very  latest  moment  on 
your  account — that  cursed  company  ! "  The  Earl  looked  up 
at  his  companion,  and  a  faint  smile  flitted  over  his  wasted 
features. 

"Ah — I'm  now  satisfied,"  said  he,  shaking  his  head,  "that 
they  must  dig  a  very  great  depth,  indeed,  before  they  come 
to  the  copper."  The  Duke  looked  puzzled,  but  said  hastily. 
"That's  right! — I'll  have  him  back,  and  you'll  allow  me  to 
say  it's  all  a  mistake?" 

"  Certainly — I  am  satisfied  of  it." 

"That  will  do,  my  dear  Dreddlington ! — That's  the  way 
such  nonsense  should  be  put  an  end  to,"  said  the  Duke,  and, 
ringing  the  bell,  ordered  the  servant,  to  request  Mr.  Gam- 
mon to  return.  After  a  brief  interval,  that  gentleman  re-en- 
tered the  library,  but  with  some  sternness  and  reluctance 
of  manner. 

"Mr.  Gammon,"  replied  the  Duke  a  little  quickly,  "my 
Lord  Dreddlington  owns  he  was  mistaken — he,  of  course, 
withdraws  the  expression — so  we  had  better  at  once  to  busi- 
ness  

"  Aye — certainly  !  certainly  !  Have  you  the  papers  with  you, 
Mr.  Gammon?"  inquired  the  Earl,  while  his  trembling  fingers 
held  his  gold  spectacles.  Mr.  Gammon  bowed  rather  haugh- 
tily, and,  resuming  the  chair  he  had  quitted,  drew  it  to  the 
table,  and  opened  a  little  packet  of  papers. 

"It  was  a  ridiculous  affair,  I  am  afraid,  sir,"  said  the 
Earl,  addressing  Mr.  Gammon,  who  felt  a  little  surprised  at 
the  altered  look  and  tone  of  the  Earl. 

"  I  fear  it  was  extremely  unfortunate,  my  lord,  in  its  issue-," 
he  replied  gravely,  arranging  the  papers. 

"  Just  show  us,  Mr.  Gammon,  if  you  please,  the  diagrams 
and  sections  of  the  strata — 

"The  what?"  inquired  the  Duke,  turning  surprisedly  to 
the  Earl — so  did  Mr.  Gammon,  and  for  a  moment  ceased 
arranging  his  papers.  Both  the  Duke  and  he  turned  pale 
and  gazed  in  silent  dismay  at  their  companion.  Gammon 
felt  momentarily  sick  at  heart.  It  was  evident  that  Lord 
Dreddlington' s  mind  had  gently  given  way.  There  was  a 
smile  of  indescribable  weakness  flickering  about  the  mouth ; 
the  eyes  were  unsteady;  all  sternness  had  vanished  from  his 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  425 

brow;  and  his  manner  was  calm,  with  even  an  approach 
toward  cheerfulness.  Gammon  glanced  with  horror  at  the 
Duke,  who,  without  removing  his  eyes  from  Lord  Dred- 
dlington,  unconsciously  exclaimed,  "O  my  God!" 

"It  is  your  lordship's  pleasure "  faltered  Gammon,  his 

hands  trembling  visibly. 

"You  are  right,  Tantallan,"  said  Lord  Dreddlington,  as  if 
suddenly  struck  by  the  peculiar  look  with  which  the  Duke 
continued  to  regard  him.  "You  shall  hear  all;  but  we  must 
be  alone.  Sir,  you  may  retire,  and  be  in  attendance  another 
day,"  he  added,  abruptly  addressing  Gammon  with  all  his 
former  stateliness  of  manner,  but  with  feeble  voice.  Mr. 
Gammon,  very  greatly  agitated,  hastily  put  together  the 
documents  he  had  partially  arranged  on  the  table,  and  with 
a  profound  bow  withdrew. 

"At  nine  this  evening — in  Portman  Square,  sir,  if  you 
please,"  said  the  Duke  in  an  agitated  manner. 

"  I  will  attend  your  grace,"  said  Gammon,  and  with  not  a 
little  trepidation  closed  the  door  after  him. 

Mr.  Gammon,  on  quitting  Lord  Dreddlington's  house, 
quickly  recovered  from  the  momentary  shock  which  he  had 
suffered  in  the  Earl's  presence;  and  all  other  feelings  were 
merged  in  one  of  delight  and  exultation  at  the  awful  calamity 
which  had  befallen  Lord  Dreddlington.  No  one,  Mr.  Gam- 
mon considered,  would  thenceforth  think  of  attaching  the 
least  importance  to  anything  the  Earl  might  say  or  had 
said,  which  would  doubtless  be  deemed  the  mere  creation  of 
a  disordered  brain.  Then  all  that  would  be  necessary  would 
be  the  silencing  of  Titmouse — no  difficult  matter?  since  even 
he  -could  comprehend  that  secrecy  was  to  him  a  matter  of 
salvation  or  destruction.  But  then,  again,  like  a  criminal's 
chance  glance  at  the  hideous  guillotine  or  gallows  in  the 
distance,  a  recollection  of  the  Ecclesiastical  inquiry,  at  that 
instant  in  vigorous  action,  blanched  the  cheek  of  Mr.  Gam- 
mon and  dashed  all  his  new  hopes  to  the  ground. 

If  those  infernal  inquisitors  should  discover  all,  and  thereby 
demonstrate  Titmouse's  illegitimacy,  how  perfectly  frightful 
would  be  the  position  of  Mr.  Gammon?  What  would  then 
avail  him  the  insanity  of  Lord  Dreddlington?  Would  it 
not,  on  the  contrary,  be  attributed  to  the  right  cause — the 
atrocious  cruelty  and  villainy  which  had  been  practised  upon 


426 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


him?  How  irretrievably  was  Gammon  committed  by  his 
repeated  and  solemn  asseverations  to  Miss  Macspleuchan  and 
the  Earl  of  Dreddlington?  The  evidence  which  sufficed  to 
entitle  Mr.  Aubrey  to  administer  to  Lady  Stratton  would 
also  suffice  to  entitle  him  to  an  immediate  restoration  to 
the  Yatton  property  !  And  would  the  matter  rest  there?  No. 


"  You   slrall    he-ar  ?>11  — 
but. 


Steps  would  inevitably  be  taken,  in  such  an  event,  to  fix 
him — Gammon — as  a  partner,  or  a  prime  mover,  in  the  fraud 
and  conspiracy  by  which  alone,  it  would  then  be  alleged, 
Titmouse  had  been  enabled  to  recover  the  property. 

Gammon  felt  himself  the  most  miserable  of  mankind.  All 
other  anxieties  were,  however,  at  present  absorbed  in  one — 
that  concerning  the  issue  of  the  inquiry  then  pending.  If  the 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  427 

issue  of  that  inquiry  should  be  adverse — he  had  absolutely 
nothing  for  it  but  instant  flight  from  universal  scorn  and 
execration.  Of  what  avail  would  then  have  been  all  his  pro- 
digious anxieties,  sacrifices,  and  exertions,  his  deep-laid  and 
complicated  plans  and  purposes?  He  would  have  irretriev- 
ably damned  himself  for  what?  To  allow  the  wretch  Tit- 
mouse to  revel,  for  a  season,  in  unbounded  luxury  and  prof- 
ligacy !  What  single  personal  advantage  had  Mr.  Gammon 
hitherto  obtained  for  himself,  taxed  to  their  utmost  as  had 
been  his  powerful  energies  for  the  past  three  years?  First 
of  all,  as  to  Miss  Aubrey,  the  lovely  object  of  his  intense 
desires — what  advance  had  he  made  toward  the  accomplish- 
ment of  his  object  after  all  his  profound  and  cruel  treachery 
against  her  brother?  Not  a  hair's  breadth.  Nay,  on  the 
contrary,  the  slight  footing  of  intimacy  which  he  had  con- 
trived, in  the  first  instance,  to  secure,  he  had  now  lost  for- 
ever. Could  they  have  failed  to  perceive,  in  spite  of  all  his  de- 
vices, his  hand  in  the  recent  persecution  of  Mr.  Aubrey  ?  The 
stern  deportment  of  Mr.  Runnington,  who  had  expressly 
prohibited,  on  the  part  of  Mr.  Aubrey,  all  communication 
with  that  gentleman  on  the  part  of  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon, 
and  Snap,  except  through  himself,  spoke  volumes. 

Moreover,  Mr.  Gammon  had  chanced  to  be  prowling  about 
Vivian  Street  on  the  very  evening  on  which  Lord  De  la  Zouch 
made  an  unexpected  appearance  with  Mr.  Aubrey;  and 
Gammon  had  seen  Mr.  Aubrey,  Mrs.  Aubrey,  and  Miss  Aubrey, 
followed  by  his  lordship,  enter  his  carriage,  in  dinner-cos- 
tume; and  he  thought  with  a  violent  pang  of  one  Mr.  Dela- 
mere!  He  had  also  ascertained  how  suddenly  his  lordship 
had  come  over  from  Paris — just  at  that  crisis  in  the  circum- 
stances of  the  Aubreys;  and  how  probable  was  it  that  his 
lordship's  potent  interference  had  originated  the  formidable 
proceedings  of  the  Ecclesiastical  Court?  And  suppose  the 
result  of  these  proceedings  should  be  to  detect  the  imposition 
by  means  of  which  Titmouse  had  been  enabled  to  oust  Mr. 
Aubrey  from  Yatton — what  must  she — what  must  they  all — 
think  of  Mr.  Gammon?  Inevitably,  that  he  had  either  orig- 
inally contrived  or  was  now  conniving  at  the  imposture! 
And  what  if  she  really  were  now  all  the  while  engaged  to 
the  future  Lord  De  la  Zouch?- and  if  the  present  Lord  De 
la  Zouch,  with  his  immense  revenues,  were  resolved  to  bear 


428  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

Mr.  Aubrey  through  all  his  difficulties  and  troubles  with  a 
high  hand? 

Look  again  at  the  financial  difficulties  which  were  thicken- 
ing around  him.  Between  sixty  and  seventy  thousand  pounds 
had  been  already  raised  on  mortgage  of  the  Yatton  estates ! 
— and  not  a  shilling  more  could  now  be  raised  without  addi- 
tional and  collateral  security,  which  Gammon  could  not  pro- 
cure. Then  there  was  the  interest  payable  half-yearly  on  these 
mortgages,  which  alone  swallowed  up  some  ^3,500  annually. 
In  addition  to  this,  Titmouse  was  over  head  and  ears  in  debt ; 
and  he  must  be  supported  all  the  while  in  a  manner  suitable 
to  his  station;  and  an  establishment  must  be  kept  up  at 
Yatton.  How,  with  all  this,  was  Mr.  Gammon's  own  dearly 
bought  rent-charge  to  be  realized?  The  already  overbur- 
dened property  was  totally  unequal  to  bear  this  additional 
pressure. 

Mr.  Gammon,  moreover,  had  been  unfortunate  in  some 
gambling  speculations  in  the  funds,  by  which  means  the 
money  he  had  so  quickly  made  had  been  as  quickly  lost. 
It  was  true  there  were  the  probable  proceeds  of  the  two 
promissory  notes  now  put  in  suit  against  Mr.  Aubrey,  and 
also  the  bond  of  Lord  De  la  Zouch  himself,  in  all  amounting 
to  twenty  thousand  pounds,  with  interest;  but  months  must 
necessarily  elapse  before,  even  in  the  ordinary  course,  the 
actions  for  the  recovery  of  these  sums  could  be  brought  to  a 
successful  issue — to  say  nothing  of  any  disastrous  occurrence 
which  Gammon  could  just  conceive  the  possibility  of,  and 
which  might  have  the  effect  of  fatally  impugning  the  right 
of  action  of  Mr.  Titmouse.  Gammon  had  repeatedly  turned 
in  his  mind  the  propriety  of  raising  money  by  assignment  of 
the  bond  of  Lord  De  la  Zouch,  but  for  several  reasons  had 
deemed  it  inexpedient  to  venture  upon  such  a  step.  For 
instance,  the  bond  would  be  due  within  a  month  or  two; 
and  who  would  advance  any  serious  sum  on  so  large  a  secu- 
rity, without  rigorous  inquiries  into  the  validity  of  the  bond 
in  point  of  exaction,  and  the  right  of  the  obligee  to  put  it 
in  suit?  Supposing  the  issue  of  the  Ecclesiastical  inquiry  to  be 
adverse,  and  Titmouse's  title  to  the  Yatton  property  to  be 
destroyed,  would  not  that  at  once  invalidate  his  claims 
upon  the  bond  and  also  upon  the  two  promissory  notes? 

Success  or  failure  in  the    Ecclesiastical    suit    was    now   in 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  429 

fact  the  pivot  upon  which  everything  turned  with  Mr.  Gam- 
mon— it  would  be  either  his  salvation  or  his  destruction; 
and  the  thought  of  it  kept  him  in  a  state  of  feverish  trepi- 
dation and  excitement  from  morning  to  night,  rendering 
him  almost  wholly  incapable  of  attending  to  his  professional 
business.  He  had  gone  down  several  times,  to  ascertain,  as 
far  as  was  practicable,  the  course  which  things  were  taking. 
Mr.  Quod,  who  had  the  matter  in  charge  for  him,  was  very 
sanguine,  indeed,  as  to  the  issue;  but,  alas!  Gammon  had 
not  ventured  to  tell  him  the  true  state  of  the  case;  so  that 
Quod  naturally  confined  himself  to  the  substantiating  of 
Mr.  Titmouse's  pedigree  as  it  had  been  propounded,  and  with 
success,  at  the  trial  of  ejectment.  Mr.  Gammon  trembled 
at  the  systematic  and  vigorous  prosecution  of  the  cause  on 
the  part  of  Mr.  Aubrey;  what  might  it  not  elicit?  Regard- 
less of  the  consequences,  he  had  several  times  tried  to  ascer- 
tain, from  those  who  had  been  examined,  the  course  of  inquiry 
which  had  been  pursued,  and  the  evidence  which  had  been 
obtained  from  them — but  in  vain;  some  of  the  witnesses 
were  in  a  station  of  society  which  repelled  his  advances ;  and 
others  were  effectually  deterred  from  communicativeness  by 
the  injunctions  of  the  commissioner.  Thus  Mr.  Gammon 
could  ascertain  nothing — and  was  left  to  await,  in  fearful 
suspense,  the  legitimate  issue  of  this  tantalizing  and  myste- 
rious process,  till  the  day  when  "  publication"  should  "  pass," 
and  both  parties  should  be  put  in  possession  of  all  the 
evidence  which  had  been  obtained. 

'Twas  about  eight  o'clock  in  the  evening,  toward  the  close 
of  October,  and  Mr.  Gammon  was  walking  to  and  fro  about 
his  room,  which  was  cheerful  with  the  light  of  a  lamp  and  the 
warmth  of  a  fire.  He  himself,  however,  was  very  far  from 
cheerful — he  was  in  a  state  of  exquisite  anxiety  and  suspense ; 
and  well  he  might  be,  for  he  was  in  momentary  expectation 
of  receiving  a  copy  of  the  evidence  which  had  been  taken 
on  the  part  of  Mr.  Aubrey,  in  the  Ecclesiastical  suit,  publi- 
cation having  passed  the  day  before.  He  muttered  blighting 
curses  at  the  intolerable  delay  of  old  Mr.  Quod,  who,  Mr. 
Gammon  was  assured,  might  have  procured  a  copy  of  the 
evidence  several  hours  before,  with  only  moderate  exertion. 
Twice  had  Mr.  Gammon's  messenger  been  despatched  in  vain ; 
and  he  was  now  absent  on  the  third  errand  to  Mr.  Quod's 


430  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

chambers.  At  length  Mr.  Gammon  heard  a  heavy  footstep 
ascending  the  stairs — he  knew  it,  and,  darting  to  the  door, 
opened  it  just  as  his  messenger  had  reached  the  landing  with 
a  bulky  white  packet  under  his  arm,  sealed  and  tied  with  red 
tape. 

"Ah! — that  will  do.  Thank  you,  thank  you! — call  to- 
morrow morning,"  said  Gammon  hastily,  almost  snatching 
the  packet  out  of  the  man's  hand. 

"Mrs.  Brown — don't  let  me  be  disturbed  to-night  by  any 
one — on  any  consideration,"  said  he  to  his  laundress;  and 
having  ordered  her  to  close  the  outer  door,  he  reentered  his 
sitting-room,  and  with  a  beating  heart  burst  open  the  seals, 
tape,  and  cartridge-paper,  and  fastened  in  an  instant  with 
devouring  eyes  upon  the  pregnant  enclosure.  Over  page  after 
page  his  eye  glanced  with  lightning  speed,  his  breathing  un- 
consciously accelerated  the  while.  When  he  had  got  to  about 
the  middle  of  it,  his  breath  was  for  a  minute  or  so  suspended, 
while  his  affrighted  eye  traveled  down  a  couple  of  pages, 
which  told  him  all — all  he  had  feared  to  see,  and  more — 
more  than  he  had  known  himself.  "  Ah,  perdition — the  game 
is  up !"  he  faintly  exclaimed,  and,  rising  from  his  chair,  threw 
himself  down  upon  the  sofa,  in  a  state  of  dismay  and  be- 
wilderment which  no  words  of  mine  are  powerful  enough  to 
describe. 

Quite  as  much  anxiety  had  been  felt  on  the  same  subject 
in  a  different  quarter,  during  the  whole  of  the  day — at  the 
Priory,  the  home  of  Lord  De  la  Zouch,  who  had  insisted 
upon  taking  the  whole  family  of  Aubreys  down  there  for  rest 
and  recuperation  after  the  terrible  experiences  they  had  gone 
through  in  the  City.  Mr.  Runnington  had  written  to  assure 
Mr.  Aubrey  that  the  first  moment  of  his  being  able  to  pro- 
cure a  copy  of  the  evidence,  he  would  come  down  post  with  it. 
As,  however,  nine  o'clock  elapsed  without  his  having  made 
his  appearance,  Mr.  Delamere,  without  announcing  his  inten- 
tion, slipped  out  and  ordered  his  groom  to  have  his  horses 
in  readiness  instantly.  Within  a  quarter  of  an  hour's  time 
he  was  on  his  way  to  Town,  having  left  a  hasty  verbal  mes- 
sage acquainting  Lord  and  Lady  De  la  Zouch  of  the  object 
of  his  sudden  move.  When  he  reached  Mr.  Runnington's 
offices  he  found  no  one  there,  to  his  infinite  disappointment. 
Having  slept  in  Dover  Street,  he  reappeared  at  Mr.  Running- 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  431 

ton's  about  ten  o'clock  the  next  morning,  and  found  a  chaise 
and  four  at  the  door,  into  which  Mr.  Runnington,  with  a 
large  packet  under  his  arm,  was  in  the  very  act  of  entering, 
to  drive  down  to  Priory. 

"How  is  it — for  God's  sake?"  said  Mr.  Delamere,  rushing 
forward  to  Mr.  Runnington,  who  was  sufficiently  surprised 
at  seeing  him. 

"Oh,  thank  God!  The  battle's  ours!"  replied  Mr.  Run- 
nington with  delighted  excitement.  "The  murder's  out!  — 
I'll  pledge  my  existence  that  within  six  months'  time  we  have 
them  all  back  at  Yatton!" 

"You're  off,  are  not  you?"  inquired  Delamere,  as  excited 
as  himself. 

"To  be  sure — won't  you  come  with  me?"  replied  Mr.  Run- 
nington. 

"Rattle  away,  my  lads!"  cried  out  Delamere  to  the  post- 
boys, and  the  next  moment  they  were  on  their  way,  and  at 
indeed  a  rattling  pace.  In  somewhere  about  an  hour  and  a 
quarter's  time,  the  reeking  horses  and  dusty  chaise  dashed 
up  to  the  hall  door  of  the  Priory ;  and  as  Delamere  caught 
one  or  two  figures  standing  at  the  windows,  he  waved  his 
hand  in  triumph  through  the  chaise  window.  That  brought 
Lord  and  Lady  De  la  Zouch  and  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Aubrey 
breathless  to  the  door — out  jumped  Delamere,  without  wait- 
ing for  the  steps  to  be  let  down,  and,  grasping  the  hands  of 
all  four,  exclaimed  with  enthusiasm,  "Victory! — Victory!  — 
but  where  is  she — 

"Somewhere  in  the  grounds,  sir,"  replied  a  servant. 

"  Mr.  Runnington  will  tell  you  all,"  said  Delamere,  and, 
springing  off  the  step,  was  out  of  sight  in  a  twinkling,  in 
quest  of  Miss  Aubrey,  burning  to  be  the  first  with  the  joyful 
news.  He  soon  caught  sight  of  her  graceful  figure — she  was 
standing  with  her  back  toward  him,  apparently  in  a  musing 
posture,  gazing  at  the  bubbling  rivulet.  Hearing  his  bound- 
ing steps,  she  turned  round,  and  started  at  seeing  him. 

"O  Miss  Aubrey — Kate,  Kate!"  he  stammered  breathlessly, 
"by  Heavens,  we've  won!"  Miss  Aubrey  turned  very  pale. 

"O  Mr.  Delamere — you  cannot  be — I  hope  you  are  not 
mistaken "  said  she  faintly. 

"  On  my  sacred  word  of  honor,  I  have  seen — I  have  read  it 
all  myself!  'Tis  as  sure  as  that  the  sun  is  shining.  'Tis  all 


432  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

up  with  the  villains ! "  Miss  Aubrey  made  him  no  answer ; 
her  cheek  continued  white  as  that  of  a  statue,  and  it  was 
absolutely  necessary  that  he  should  put  his  arm  round  her 
— if  he  had  not,  she  would  have  fallen. 

"Come! — Come!  My  sweet,  my  lovely  Kate  !  Rouse  your- 
self ! "  cried  he,  with  fond  anxiety,  and  pressed  his  lips  gently 
on  her  forehead — a  liberty  of  which  she  was  probably  not 
conscious,  for  she  made  no  show  of  resistance.  Presently 
she  heaved  a  deep  sigh,  her  eyes  opened,  and,  finding  herself 
entirely  in  his  embrace,  she  made  a  slight  effort  to  disengage 
herself,  but  in  vain.  He  was  supporting  her  on  one  knee — 
for  there  was  no  bench  or  seat  within  view.  She  burst  into 
tears,  and  they  soon  relieved  her  pent-up  bosom  of  its  excite- 
ment. 

"Dearest  Kate — it's  glorious  news,  and  I  have  been  too 
hasty  with  it!" 

"  No — no — Mr.  Delamere  !  I  am  only  overpowered  with 
joy  and  with  gratitude !  O  Mr.  Delamere,  I  could  sink  out 
of  your  sight !" 

"  Pho !  my  own  angel! — Don't  make  me  miserable  by  talk- 
ing in  that  strain!" 

"Well,  what  shall  I  say?"  cried  she  passionately,  turning 
her  face  from  him. 

"Say,  Kate?  That  you  will  let  me  love  you,  and  you  will 
love  me  in  return  !  Come,  my  own  Kate  !  Heaven  smiles  on 
you — smile  you  on  me  /"  She  spoke  not,  her  face  still  averted 
from  him. 

"  I  know  you  won't  say  me  nay,  Kate,  if  it's  only  for  the 
news  I've  brought  you  express,"  said  Delamere  ardently, 
and  imprinted  a  passionate  kiss  on  her  unresisting  lips. 

"  My  sweet  Kate !  how  I  have  thought  of  you  in  every 
part  of  the  world  in  which  I  have  been,"  commenced  Dela- 
mere, after  having  a  second  and  a  third  and  a  fourth  time 
imprinted  his  lips  upon  those  of  his  beautiful  and  blushing 
mistress — and  Heaven  only  knows  what  other  absurdities  he 
might  have  been  guilty  of,  when,  to  Kate's  inconceivable 
embarrassment,  behold  a  sudden  turn  brought  them  full  in 
view  of  Lord  and  Lady  De  la  Zouch  and  Mr.  Runnington. 

"My  dear  Miss  Aubrey,"  cried  Lord  De  la  Zouch,  "we 
have  come  to  congratulate  you  on  this  great  event ! "  and  he 
grasped  her  affectionately  by  the  hands,  and  then  Lady 


It,    wsvs     -absolute 
nsiccatay    that,   he 
jhoultl  put  his   •arm 
round    her . 


434  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

De  la  Zouch  embraced  her  future  daughter-in-law,  whose 
cheeks  burned  like  fire,  while  those  of  Mr.  Delamere  tingled 
a  little. 

"Upon  my  honor,  sir,  you  seem  to  have  been  making  hay 
while  the  sun  shines,"  said  his  lordship  in  a  low  tone  and 
laughing,  having  left  Miss  Aubrey  and  Lady  De  la  Zouch 
together  for  a  few  moments. 

"Dearest  Lady  De  la  Zouch,  how  did  my  brother  bear  it?" 
inquired  Miss  Aubrey. 

"He  bore  it  with  calmness,  tho  he  turned  very  pale;  but 
poor  Mrs.  Aubrey  was  very  painfully  excited — it  was  really  a 
most  affecting  scene.  But  she  is  much  better  now — shall  we 
return  to  the  house? — By  the  way,"  added  she  slyly,  "now 
you're  come  into  your  fortune,  as  the  saying  is,  Kate — I — I 
suppose  Geoffry  has  been  talking  nonsense  to  you!"  Poor 
Kate  blushed  deeply  and  burst  into  tears. 


CHAPTER  XXXI 

WHEREIN    MR.  GAMMON    MAKES   HIS    FINAL    EXIT,    THE    HERO 

GETS  HIS  DESERTS,  AND  FORTUNE  ONCE  MORE 

SMILES  UPON  THE  MOST  DESERVING 

THE  reader  may  possibly  bear  in  mind  that  Mr.  Titmouse 
had  established  his  right  to  succeed  to  the  Yatton  property, 
then  enjoyed  by  Mr.  Aubrey,  by  making  out  to  the  satisfac- 
tion of  the  jury  that  he  was  descended  from  an  elder  branch 
of  the  Aubrey  family;  that  there  had  existed  an  unsuspected 
female  descendant  of  Stephen  Dreddlington,  the  elder  brother 
of  Geoffry  Dreddlington  through  whom  Mr.  Aubrey  derived 
his  claim  to  the  succession;  and  that  this  obscure  female 
descendant  had  left  issue  equally  obscure  and  unsuspected — 
viz.,  Gabriel  Tittlebat  Titmouse — to  whom  our  friend  Tit- 
mouse was  shown  to  be  heir  at  law.  In  fact,  it  had  been 
made  out  in  open  court :  First,  that  the  aforesaid  Gabriel 
Tittlebat  Titmouse  was  the  direct  descendant,  through  the 
female  line,  of  Stephen  Dreddlington;  secondly,  had  been 
shown  the  marriage  of  Gabriel  Tittlebat  Titmouse;  thirdly. 
the  birth  of  Tittlebat  Titmouse,  the  first  and  indeed  the 
only  issue  of  that  marriage.  All  these  were  unquestionable 
facts,  and  the  verdict  went  accordingly. 

But  as  soon  as,  according  to  a  happy  and  invaluable  sug- 
gestion of  the  Attorney-General,  a  rigid  inquiry  had  been 
instituted  on  the  spot  whence  the  oral  and  documentary  evi- 
dence had  been  obtained  by  Mr.  Gammon — the  acute  and 
indefatigable  inquisitors  succeeded  in  making  the  following 
remarkable  discovery.  It  was  found  that  the  two  old  wit- 
nesses who  had  been  called  to  prove  that  part  of  the  case 
on  the  trial,  had  since  died — one  of  them  very  recently.  But 
in  pushing  their  inquiries,  one  or  two  other  old  witnesses 
were  met  with  who  had  not  been  called  by  Mr.  Gammon, 
even  if  he  had  been  aware  of  their  existence;  and  one  of  these, 
an  old  man,  while  being  closely  interrogated  upon  another 
matter,  happened  to  let  fall  some  expressions  which  startled 


436  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

the  person  making  minutes  of  the  evidence;  for  he  spoke  of 
Mr.  Titmouse's  mother  under  three  different  names,  Gubbins, 
Oakley,  and  Johnson. 

Now  the  proof  of  the  trial  had  been  simply  the  marriage  of 
Gabriel  Tittlebat  Titmouse,  by  banns,  to  Janet  Johnson,  spin- 
ster. Either,  then,  both  the  witnesses  must  be  mistaken  as 
to  her  having  had  other  names,  or  there  must  be  some  strange 
mystery  at  the  bottom  of  it — and  so  it  at  length  turned  out. 
This  woman's  maiden  name  had  been  Gubbins;  then  she 
had  married  a  rope-maker,  of  the  name  of  Oakley,  in  Staf- 
fordshire, but  had  separated  from  him,  after  two  or  three 
quarrelsome  years,  and  gone  into  Yorkshire,  where  she  had 
resided  for  some  time  with  an  aunt.  Afterward,  she  had 
become  acquainted  with  Gabriel  Tittlebat  Titmouse;  and, 
to  conceal  the  fact  of  her  previous  marriage — her  husband 
being  alive  at  the  time — she  was  married  to  Gabriel  Tittle- 
bat Titmouse  under  the  name  of  "Johnson."  Two  years 
afterward,  this  exemplary  female  died,  leaving  an  only  child, 
Tittlebat  Titmouse.  Shortly  afterward,  his  father  came  up 
to  London,  bringing  with  him  his  little  son,  and  some  five 
years  afterward  died,  leaving  one  or  two  hundred  pounds 
behind  him  for  the  bringing  up  of  Tittlebat  decently — a  duty 
undertaken  by  a  distant  relative  of  his  father,  and  who  had 
been  dead  some  years.  Of  course  Titmouse,  at  the  time 
when  he  was  first  presented  to  the  reader,  knew  no  more 
than  the  dead,  of  his  being  in  any  way  connected  with  the 
distinguished  family  of  the  Aubreys  in  Yorkshire;  nor  of  the 
very  unpleasant  circumstances  attending  his  mother's  mar- 
riage, with  which  the  reader  has  just  been  made  acquainted. 

Nothing  can  be  easier  than  to  conceive  how  Mr.  Gammon 
might  have  been  able,  even  if  acquainted  with  the  true  state 
of  the  facts,  to  produce  an  impregnable  case  in  court  by 
calling,  with  judgment,  only  that  evidence  which  was  req- 
uisite to  show  the  marriage  of  Titmouse's  father  with  Janet 
Johnson — viz.,  an  examined  copy  of  an  entry  in  the  parish 
register  of  Grilston;  of  the  fact  of  the  marriage  under  the 
names  specified ;  and  some  other  slight  evidence  of  the  identity 
of  the  parties.  How  was  the  Attorney-General  or  any  one 
advising  him  to  have  got  at  the  mystery  attending  the 
name  of  "  Johnson,"  in  the  absence  of  suspicion  pointed  pre- 
cisely at  that  circumstance?  The  defendant  in  an  action  of 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  437 

ejectment  is  necessarily  in  a  great  measure  in  the  dark  as  to 
the  evidence  which  will  be  adduced  against  him,  and  must 
fight  the  evidence  as  it  is  presented  to  him  in  court ;  and  the 
plaintiff's  attorney  is  generally  better  advised  than  to  bring 
into  court  witnesses  who  may  be  able,  if  pressed,  to  disclose 
more  than  is  necessary  or  desirable. 

The  way  in  which  Mr.  Gammon  became  acquainted  with 
the  true  state  of  the  case  was  singular.  While  engaged  in 
obtaining  and  arranging  the  evidence  in  support  of  the  plain- 
tiffs case,  under  the  guidance  of  Mr.  Lynx's  opinion,  Mr. 
Gammon  stumbled  upon  a  witness  who  dropped  one  or  two 
expressions,  which  suddenly  reminded  him  of  two  little  docu- 
ments which  had  been  some  time  before  put  into  his  posses- 
sion, without  his  having  then  attached  the  least  importance 
to  them.  He  was  so  disturbed  at  the  coincidence  that  he 
returned  to  Town  that  very  night  to  inspect  the  papers  in 
question. 

They  consisted  of,  first,  a  letter  from  one  James  Oakley 
to  his  wife,  informing  her  that  he  was  dying,  and  that,  hav- 
ing heard  she  was  living  with  another  man,  he  exhorted  her 
to  leave  her  wicked  courses  before  she  died ;  secondly,  a  letter 
from  one  Gabriel  Tittlebat  Titmouse  to  his  wife,  reproaching 
her  with  drunkenness  and  loose  conduct,  and  saying  that 
she  knew  as  well  as  he  did  that  he  could  transport  her  any 
day  he  liked;  therefore,  she  had  better  mind  what  she  was 
about.  This  letter  was  written  in  the  county  jail,  whither 
he  had  been  sent  for  some  offense  against  the  game-laws. 

These  were  the  two  documents  which  Mr.  Titmouse  had 
destroyed,  on  Gammon's  having  entrusted  them  for  a  moment 
into  his  hands.  They  were  infinitely  too  dangerous  docu- 
ments to  admit  of  his  taking  the  opinion  of  counsel  upon ; 
he  therefore  kept  them  entirely  to  himself,  as  also  the  dis- 
covery to  which  they  led,  not  trusting  his  secret  even  to 
either  of  his  partners.  Before  the  case  had  come  into  court, 
Mr.  Gammon  had  been  in  possession  of  the  facts  now  laid 
for  the  first  time  before  the  reader — contemplating,  from  the 
first,  the  use  to  be  thereafter  made  of  the  prodigious  power 
he  should  have  become  possessed  of,  in  aid  of  his  own  per- 
sonal advancement.  Thus  was  Titmouse  base-born  indeed — in 
fact,  doubly  illegitimate;  for,  first,  his  mother  had  been 
guilty  of  bigamy  in  marrying  his  father;  and,  secondly,  even 


438  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

had  that  not  been  so,  her  marrying  under  a  false  name 
had  been  sufficient  to  make  the  marriage  utterly  void,  and 
equally,  of  course,  to  bastardize  her  issue. 

Such,  then,  was  the  damning  discovery  effected  by  the 
Ecclesiastical  Commission,  and  which  would  by  and  by  blazon 
to  the  whole  world  the  astounding  fact  that  this  doubly 
base-born  little  wretch  had  been  enabled,  by  the  profound 
machinations  of  Mr.  Gammon,  not  only  to  deprive  Mr.  Au- 
brey of  the  Yatton  estates,  but  also  to  intermarry  with  the 
Lady  Cecilia,  the  last  of  the  direct  line  of  the  noble  Dreddling- 
tons  and  Drelincourts — to  defile  the  blood  and  blight  the 
honor  of,  perhaps,  the  oldest  and  the  proudest  of  the  nobility 
of  England. 

Upon  Mr.  Gammon  it  lit  like  a  thunderbolt.  For  many 
hours  he  seemed  to  have  been  utterly  crushed  and  blasted 
by  it.  His  faculties  appeared  paralyzed.  He  was  totally 
incapable  of  realizing  his  position — of  contemplating  the  pro- 
digious and  appalling  consequences  which  must  inevitably 
and  almost  immediately  ensue.  He  lay  upon  the  sofa  the 
whole  night  without  closing  his  eyes  or  having  moved  a 
muscle  since  he  had  thrown  himself  down  upon  it.  His  laun- 
dress came  in  with  his  bed-candle,  trimmed  the  lamp,  stirred 
the  fire,  and  withdrew,  supposing  him  asleep.  The  fire  went 
out — then  the  lamp — and  when,  about  eight  o'clock  the  next 
morning,  his  laundress  reappeared,  he  still  lay  on  the  sofa; 
and  a  glimpse  of  his  pale  and  haggard  face  alarmed  her 
greatly,  and  she  went  for  a  medical  man  before  he  was  aware 
of  her  having  done  so.  On  her  returning  and  informing 
him  of  what  she  had  done,  it  roused  him  from  his  lethargy, 
and,  rising  from  the  sofa,  he  desired  her  to  go  back  and  re- 
quest the  medical  man  not  to  come,  as  it  was  unnecessary. 
Heaving  profound  sighs,  he  proceeded  to  his  dressing-room, 
got  through  his  toilet,  and  then  sat  down  to  the  breakfast 
table,  and  for  the  first  time  made  a  very  powerful  effort  to 
address  his  mind  to  the  awful  nature  of  the  emergency  into 
which  he  was  driven.  Mr.  Quod  soon  after  made  his  ap- 
pearance. 

"This  is  a  very — -very — ugly  business,  Mr.  Gammon!"  quoth 
he,  with  a  gloomy  countenance,  as  he  sat  down;  "I  look 
upon  it  there's  an  end  to  the  suit — eh?" 

"It  is  not  likely   that   we   shall    stir   further,    certainly," 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  439 

replied  Mr.  Gammon,  with  a  desperate  effort  to  speak  calmly ; 
then  there  was  a  pause. 

"And  I  should  think  the  matter  can't  end  here"  presently 
added  Mr.  Quod.  "With  such  evidence  as  this,  of  course 
they'll  attack  Yatton!" 

"Then  I  am  prepared  to  resist  them,"  said  Gammon,  con- 
vinced in  his  own  mind  that  the  sole  object  of  Mr.  Quod's 
visit  was  to  see  after  the  payment  of  his  bill — a  reasonable 
anxiety,  surely,  considering  the  untoward  issue  of  the  pro- 
ceedings. 

"How  could  all  this  have  escaped  me,  in  getting  up  the 
case  for  the  trial?"  said  Gammon  after  a  pause,  darting  an 
anxious  and  furtive  glance  at  his  companion. 

"  Aye — I  hope  this  will  teach  you  common-law  fellows  that 
there's  a  trick  or  two  worth  knowing  at  Doctor's  Commons  !" 
replied  Quod.  "D'ye  remember  what  I  told  you  at  starting? 
— How  was  it,  d'ye  say,  you  couldn't  find  it  out?  No  one 
could,  till  we  did! — But,  by  the  way,  do  we  fight  any  more 
in  the  cause?  Because  we  must  decide  at  once — it's  no  use, 
I  should  say,  going  to  the  expense  of  a  hearing — 

"  I  will  give  you  an  answer  in  the  course  of  the  day,  Mr. 
Quod,"  replied  Gammon  with  an  air  of  repressed  fury,  and 
succeeded  in  getting  rid  of  his  visitor  for  the  present,  and 
then  reperused  the  whole  of  the  evidence,  and  considered 
within  himself,  as  well  as  he  was  able,  what  course  he  ought 
to  pursue.  He  had  need,  truly,  to  do  so,  for  he  very  shortly 
found  that  he  had  to  deal  with  an  enemy  in  Mr.  Runnington 
uncompromising  and  unrelenting — whose  movements  were 
equally  prompt,  vigorous,  and  skilful.  That  gentleman,  fol- 
lowing up  his  blow — first  of  all  gave  notice,  through  Mr. 
Pounce,  of  his  intention  to  proceed  with  the  suit  for  admin- 
istration, but  found  that  the  enemy  in  that  quarter  had 
struck — Mr.  Quod  formally  notified  his  abandonment  of  oppo- 
sition on  the  part  of  Mr.  Titmouse.  So  far,  so  good.  Mr. 
Runnington's  next  step  was  to  go  down  into  Staffordshire 
and  Yorkshire,  in  order  to  ascertain  still  more  distinctly 
and  conclusively  the  nature  of  the  evidence  which  was  in 
existence  impeaching  the  legitimacy  of  Mr.  Titmouse. 

His  inquiries  were  so  satisfactory  that,  within  a  week  of 
his  return  to  Town,  he  had  caused  an  action  of  ejectment 
to  be  brought  for  the  recovery  of  the  whole  of  the  Yatton 


440  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

property,  and  copies  of  the  "  Declaration"  to  be  served  on 
Mr.  Titmouse  and  on  every  tenant  in  possession  upon  the 
estate.  Then  he  served  notices  on  them  calling  upon  each 
and  every  one  of  them  not  to  pay  rent  in  future  to  any  one 
except  Charles  Aubrey,  Esquire,  or  his  agents  by  him  law- 
fully appointed;  and  caused  a  formal  demand  of  the  title- 
deeds  of  the  estate  to  be  forthwith  served  upon  Mr.  Titmouse 
and  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap,  and  also  advertise- 
ments to  be  inserted  in  the  newspapers  to  caution  persons 
against  advancing  money  on  mortgage  or  on  other  security 
of  the  Yatton  property. 

These  advertisements,  and  certain  paragraphs  relating  to 
the  same  matter,  which  found  their  way  into  the  newspapers, 
to  the  consternation  of  Gammon,  came  under  the  eye  of  the 
Duke  of  Tantallan,  and  struck  him  dumb  with  dismay  and 
horror  at  so  decisive  and  public  a  corroboration  of  his  worst 
fears.  A  similar  effect  they  produced  upon  Miss  Macspleuchan, 
who,  however,  succeeded  in  keeping  them  for  some  time  from 
the  observation  of  the  unfortunate  Earl  of  Dreddlington. 
But  there  were  certain  other  persons  in  whom  these  announce- 
ments excited  an  amazing  degree  of  excitement  and  agita- 
tion; viz.,  three  Jewish  gentlemen — MORDECAI  GRIPE,  MEPHIB- 
OSHETH  MAHARSHALAL-HASH-BAZ,  and  ISRAEL  FANG — who  were 
at  present  the  depositaries  of  Mr.  Titmouse's  title-deeds, 
with  a  lien  upon  them,  as  they  fondly  imagined,  to  the 
extent  of  nearly  seventy  thousand  pounds,  that  being  the 
amount  of  money  they  had  advanced,  in  hard  cash,  to  Mr. 
Titmouse,  upon  mortgage  of  his  Yatton  estates.  The  last 
of  these  unfortunate  gentlemen — old  Mr.  Fang — had  advanced 
no  less  a  sum  than  twenty  thousand  pounds.  He  had  been 
the  first  applied  to,  and  had  most  fortunately  taken  a  col- 
lateral security  for  the  whole  sum  advanced;  viz.,  a  bond— 
the  bond  of  our  old  friend,  "THOMAS  TAG-RAG,  draper  and 
mercer,  of  No.  375  Oxford  Street,  and  Satin  Lodge,  Clap- 
ham,  in  the  county  of  Surrey."  As  soon  as  ever  the  dis- 
mayed Israelite,  by  his  attorney,  had  ascertained,  by  inquiry 
at  the  office  of  Messrs.  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap — where 
all  was  confusion — that  there  really  was  a  claim  set  up  to  the 
whole  of  the  estates,  on  behalf  of  him  who  had  been  so  re- 
cently and  suddenly  dispossessed  of  them,  he  exclaimed  in  an 
ecstasy  :  "  Oh,  ma  Got !  oh,  ma  dear  Got !  Shoo  Tag-rag ! 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  441 

Shoo  on  the  bond !     Looshe  no  time" — and  he  was  obeyed. 

Terrible  to  tell,  two  big  bailiffs  the  next  day  walked  straight 
into  the  shop  of  Mr.  Tag-rag,  who  was  sitting  in  his  little 
closet  at  the  further  end,  with  his  pen  in  his  hand,  busily 
checking  some  bills  just  made  out,  and  without  the  least 
ceremony  or  hesitation  hauled  him  off,  hardly  giving  him 
time  to  put  his  hat  on,  but  gruffly  uttering  in  his  ear  some 
such  astounding  words  as  "Thirty  thousand  pounds!"  He 
resisted  desperately,  shouting  out  for  help,  on  which  all  the 
young  men  jumped  over  the  counters  and  seemed  to  be  com- 
ing to  the  rescue;  while  one  or  two  female  customers  rushed 
affrighted  out  of  the  shop.  In  short,  there  was  a  perfect 
panic  in  the  place ;  tho  the  young  men  merely  crowded  round 
and  clamored  loudly,  without  venturing  upon  a  conflict 
with  the  two  burly  myrmidons  of  the  law,  who  clapped  their 
prize  into  a  coach  that  was  standing  opposite — Mr.  Tag-rag 
frothing  at  the  mouth,  and  with  impassioned  gesticulation, 
protesting  that  he  would  have  them  both  transported  to 
Botany  Bay  on  the  morrow.  They  laughed  at  him  good- 
humoredly  and  in  due  time  deposited  him  safely  in  the  lock- 
up of  Mr.  Vice. 

There  he  continued  for  a  long  while  in  a  state  bordering  on 
frenzy.  Indeed,  he  must  have  fancied  that  the  devil  had 
made  it,  just  then,  his  particular  business  to  worry  and 
ruin  him;  for  what  do  you  think  had  happened  to  him  only 
two  days  before — an  event  which  had  convulsed  Clapham  to 
its  center? — In  plain  English  the  Reverend  Dismal  Horror 
had  eloped  with  Tabitha  Tag-rag — to  the  infinite  scandal 
and  disgust  of  his  congregation,  who  forthwith  met  and 
deposed  him  from  his  pulpit;  after  which  his  father-in-law 
solemnly  made  his  will,  bequeathing  everything  he  had  to  a 
newly  established  Dissenters'  college;  and  the  next  day — 
being  just  about  the  time  that  the  grim  priest  of  Gretna 
was  forging  the  bonds  of  Hymen  for  the  happy  and  lovely 
couple  before  him,  Mr.  Tag-rag  was  hauled  off  in  the  way 
that  I  have  mentioned — which  two  occurrences  would  have 
the  effect  of  enabling  Mr.  Dismal  Horror  to  prove  the  dis- 
interestedness of  his  attachment — an  opportunity  for  which 
he  vowed  that  he  panted — inasmuch  as  he  and  she  had  be- 
come, indeed,  all  the  world  to  each  other. 

He  must  now  go  into  some  other  line  of  business,  in  order 


442  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

to  support  his  fond  and  lovely  wife;  and,  as  for  Tag-rag, 
his  pious  purposes  were  frustrated  altogether.  There  was  no 
impeaching  the  validity  of  the  bond  held  by  the  infuriate 
and  inexorable  Jew  who  had  arrested  him,  and  who  clearly 
had  been  no  party  to  any  fraud  by  which — if  any — the  sig- 
nature of  Mr.  Tag-rag  had  been  procured  to  the  bond.  Mr. 
Tag-rag's  attorney,  Mr.  Snout,  instantly  called  upon  Messrs. 
Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap,  to  inquire  into  the  particulars 
of  the  astounding  transaction  by  which  his  client  had  been 
drawn  into  so  ruinous  a  liability — but  was  very  cavalierly 
treated ;  for  he  was  informed  that  Mr.  Tag-rag  must,  in  their 
opinion,  have  lost  his  senses — at  all  events  his  memory;  for 
that  he  had  most  deliberately  executed  the  bond,  after  its 
nature  had  been  fully  explained  to  him  by  Mr.  Gammon — 
and  his  signature  was  witnessed  and  attested  in  the  usual 
way  by  a  clerk  in  the  office,  and  also  in  the  presence  of  all 
the  three  partners.  On  hearing  all  this  Mr.  Snout  hurried 
back  to  his  frenzied  client,  and  endeavored,  for  a  long  while, 
to  reason  with  him,  explaining  to  him  the  glaring  improb- 
ability of  his  version  of  the  affair.  This  led  to  high  words,  in- 
deed, between  them,  and  at  length  Mr.  Tag-rag  spit  in  his 
face;  and  Mr.  Snout,  being  a  very  little  man,  and  unable 
to  resent  the  insult  effectually,  instantly  quitted  the  room, 
expressing  his  firm  belief  that  Mr.  Tag-rag  was  a  swindler, 
and  he  would  be  no  more  concerned  for  a  person  of  that 
description. 

Mr.  Tag-rag  could  not  get  bail  for  so  frightful  an  amount ; 
so  he  committed  an  act  of  bankruptcy,  by  remaining  in 
prison  for  three  weeks.  Down,  then,  came  all  his  creditors 
upon  him  in  a  heap,  especially  the  Jew;  a  rattling  bank- 
ruptcy ensued — the  upshot  of  the  whole  being — to  anticipate 
a  little — that  a  first  and  final  dividend  was  declared  of  three 
farthings  in  the  pound — for  it  turned  out  that  he  had  been 
speculating  a  great  deal  more  than  any  one  had  had  the 
least  idea  of. 

After  anxious  reflection,  Mr.  Gammon  did  not  absolutely 
despair  of  extricating  himself  from  the  perils  with  which  he 
was  personally  environed.  The  mere  presence  of  difficulty 
strung  his  nerves  to  encounter  it.  He  resolved  to  rely  on 
the  impossibility  of  fixing  him  directly  with  a  knowledge  of 
the  rottenness  of  Titmouse's  pretensions — at  all  events  till  a 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  443 

period  considerably  subsequent  to  the  trial,  and  Titmouse's 
marriage  with  the  Lady  Cecilia.  It  occurred  to  him  as  cal- 
culated, moreover,  to  aid  his  contemplated  movements,,  if  he 
could  find  a  fair  pretext  for  throwing  overboard  his  partners, 
especially  Mr.  Quirk — for  he  was  satisfied  that  his  own  uni- 
form caution  had  prevented  him  from  committing  himself  to 
them,  or  at  least  had  deprived  them  of  means  of  proving 
it.  He  very  soon  met  with  an  opportunity,  of  which  he 
promptly  availed  himself. 

Some  week  or  ten  days  after  the  commencement  of  the 
term,  Mr.  Quirk,  who  was  walking  down  Parliament  Street, 
on  his  way  to  the  Court  of  King's  Bench,  caught  sight  of  a 
person,  a  few  steps  in  advance  of  him,  whom  he  fancied  he 
had  seen  before.  In  a  few  minutes'  time,  the  old  gentleman 
was  covered  with  a  cold  perspiration;  for  in  a  young  man, 
about  thirty  years  old,  decently  dressed — thin,  sallow,  and 
wearing  a  very  depressed  air — Mr.  Quirk  recognized  Mr.  STEG- 
GARS— a  gentleman  whom  he  had  imagined  to  be  at  that 
moment  comfortably  settled  at  Botany  Bay  ! 

This  was  the  individual  whose  execrable  breach  of  trust  had 
led  to  Mr.  Quirk's  discovery  of  the  infirmity  in  Mr.  Aubrey's 
title.  The  fact  was  that  Mr.  Steggars  had  quitted  England 
horribly  disgusted  with  Mr.  Quirk's  conduct,  and  had  also 
subsequently  experienced  some  little  remorse  on  account 
of  his  own  mean  and  cruel  conduct  toward  a  gentleman 
who  had  never  given  him  the  slightest  pretext  for  hostility 
or  revenge.  He  had  contrived  to  make  his  feelings  upon  the 
subject  known  to  an  official  at  Botany  Bay,  who  had  given 
him  an  opportunity  of  explaining  matters  fully  to  the  author- 
ities at  home — the  principal  of  whom,  the  Home  Secretary, 
had  been,  and  indeed  continued  to  be,  a  warm  personal 
friend  of  Mr.  Aubrey's.  This  Minister  caused  inquiries  to  be 
made  concerning  Steggars's  behavior  while  abroad,  which 
were  so  satisfactorily  answered  as  to  procure  a  remission 
of  the  remainder  of  his  sentence. 

Immediately  on  his  return  he  sought  out  Messrs.  Running- 
ton,  and  put  them  fully  in  possession  of  all  the  facts  relating 
to  Mr.  Quirk's  grossly  dishonorable  conduct  in  obtaining 
and  acting  upon  a  knowledge  of  the  supposed  defect  in  Mr. 
Aubrey's  title.  Upon  Mr.  Quirk's  coming  alongside  of  this 
gentleman  he  encountered  a  fearfully  significant  glance— and 


444  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

then  Mr.  Steggars,  in  a  very  pointed  manner,  crossed  over 
the  street  for  the  purpose  of  avoiding  him.  Mr.  Quirk  was 
so  disconcerted  by  this  occurrence  that,  instead  of  going 
on  to  court,  he  retraced  his  steps  and  arrived  at  the  office 
just  as  a  clerk  was  inquiring  for  him,  and  who  put  into  his 
hands  the  following  "rule"  which  had  been  granted  the 
day  before  by  the  Court  of  King's  Bench  : 

"  On  reading  the  Affidavit  of  JONATHAN  STEGGARS,  the  affi- 
davits of  James  Parkinson  and  Charles  Runnington,  and  the 
paper-writing  marked  A,  all  hereunto  annexed,  It  is  ORDERED 
that  Caleb  Quirk,  Gentleman,  an  attorney  of  this  Honor- 
able Court,  do,  on  Wednesday  next,  in  this  present  term, 
show  cause  why  he  should  not  forthwith  deliver  up  to  Charles 
Aubrey,  Esquire,  the  deeds  and  documents  specified  in  the 
paper-writing  hereto  annexed,  marked  A,  and  also  why  he 
should  not  answer  the  matters  contained  in  the  said  Affidavits. 
Upon  the  motion  of  Sir  Charles  Wolstenholme. 

"  By  the  Court." 

"O  Lord!"  exclaimed  Mr.  Quirk  faintly,  and,  sinking 
into  his  chair,  inquired  for  Mr.  Gammon;  but  as  usual,  he 
had  not  been  at  the  office  that  day.  Giving  orders  to  have 
copies  taken  immediately  of  the  affidavits  mentioned  in  the 
rule,  Mr.  Quirk  set  off  for  Mr.  Gammon's  chambers,  but  missed 
that  gentleman,  who,  he  learnt,  was  down  at  court.  The 
next  day  Mr.  Gammon  called  at  the  office,  but,  Mr.  Quirk 
was  absent;  on  going,  however,  into  the  old  gentleman's 
room,  Mr.  Gammon's  eye  lit  on  the  above  mentioned  "rule," 
and  also  on  the  affidavits  upon  which  it  had  been  granted. 
Having  hurriedly  glanced  over  them,  he  hastily  replaced  them 
on  the  desk  as  he  had  found  them,  and  repaired  to  his  own 
room  greatly  flustered — resolved  to  wait  for  Mr.  Quirk's  ar- 
rival, and  appear  to  be  informed  by  him,  for  the  first  time, 
of  the  existence  of  the  aforesaid  rule  and  affidavits.  While 
he  was  really  buried  in  a  reverie,  with  his  head  resting  on 
one  hand  and  a  pen  in  the  other,  his  countenance  miserably 
pale  and  harassed,  Mr.  Quirk  burst  hastily  into  his  room  with 
the  rule  and  affidavits  in  his  hand. 

"O  Lord,  Gammon!  How  are  you,  Gammon?"  he  stut- 
tered. "  Where  have  you  been?"  and  he  grasped  very  cordially 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  445 

the   cold   hand  of  Mr.   Gammon,  which  did  not  return  the 
pressure. 

"  I  am  not  very  well,  Mr.  Quirk ;  but — you  seem  agitated  ! 
Has  anything  fresh  hap 

"  Fresh  ? — Ecod,  my  dear  Gammon  !    Fresh,  indeed  !     Here's 

a  new  enemy  come  into  the  field !     D d  if  I  don't  feel  going 

mad!     Look,   Gammon,   look!"  and  he  placed  the  rule  and 
affidavits  in  Mr.  Gammon's  hands  and  sat  down  beside  him. 

"What!  Answer  the  matters  of  the  affidavit?"  quoth  Gam- 
mon amazedly.  "  Why,  what  have  you  been  doing,  Mr. 
Quirk  ?  And — who  upon  earth  is  Jonathan  Steggars  ?  " 

"  Steggars,  you  know — Gammon  !  You  recollect  Steggars, 
of  course — eh?"  inquired  Mr.  Quirk  with  an  apprehensive 
stare.  "Steggars;  Steggars — you  know,  eh?  You  don't  rec- 
ollect! Come,  come,  Gammon!" 

"Who  is  he?"  again  inquired  Gammon  sternly. 

"O  Lud !  O  Lud!"  exclaimed  Mr.  Quirk  despairingly. 
"What  are  you  after,  Gammon?  You  don't  intend — it  can't 
be — that  you're  going  to — eh?  It's  Steggars,  you  know — 
we  defended  him,  you  know — and  he  got  transported  for  rob- 
bing Parkinson.  You  recollect  how  we  got  hold  of  Mr.  Au- 
brey's story  from  him?"  While  Mr.  Quirk  was  saying  all 
this  with  feverish  impetuosity,  Mr.  Gammon  appeared  to  be, 
for  the  first  time,  glancing  eagerly  over  the  affidavits. 

"Why — good  heavens,  Mr.  Quirk!"  said  he,  presently,  with 
a  start;  "is  it  possible  that  these  statements  can  have  the 
slightest  foundation  in  fact?" 

"  Aye,  drat  it — that  you  know  as  well  as  I  do,  Gammon," 
replied  Mr.  Quirk,  with  great  trepidation.  "  Come,  come,  it's 
rather  late  in  the  day  to  sham  Abraham  just  now." 

"Do  you  venture,  Mr.  Quirk,  to  stand  there  and  deliber- 
ately charge  me  with  being  a  party  to  the  grossly  dishonor- 
able conduct  of  which  you  are  here  accused  upon  oath — which, 
indeed,  you  admit  yourself  to  have  been  guilty  of?" 

"D — -d  if  I  don't,  Master  Gammon!"  replied  Mr.  Quirk, 
slapping  his  hand  on  the  table  after  a  long  pause,  in  which 
he  looked  completely  confounded.  "Why,  you'll  want,  by 
and  by,  to  persuade  me  that  my  name  isn't  Caleb  Quirk — 
why,  zounds  !  you'll  drive  me  mad !  You're  gone  mad  your- 
self—you must  be!" 

"  How    dare    you    insult    me,    sir,    by   charging   me   with 


446  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

conniving  at  your  infamous  and  most  unprofessional    con- 
duct?" 

"  Why — come !  You  don't  know  how  we  first  got  scent  of 
the  whole  thing?  Ah,  ha!  It  dropped  down  from  the  clouds, 
I  suppose,  into  our  office — O  Lud,  Lud,  Gammon  !  it  isn't 
kind  to  leave  an  old  friend  in  the  lurch  at  such  a  horrid 
pinch  as  this!" 

"I  tell  you  that  I  never  had  the  least  idea  in  the  world 
that  this  wretch  Steggars — Faugh  !  I  should  have  scouted 
the  whole  thing !  I  would  rather  have  retired  from  the  firm. 
O  Mr.  Quirk,  I  am  shocked  beyond  all  bounds !  What  will 
the  profession  think  of— 

"  D the  profession  !     What  d'ye  think  I  must  be  just  now 

thinking  of  you?     Why,  you'd  make  a  dog  strike  its  father!" 

"I  may  have  been  unfortunate,  Mr.  Quirk,  but  I  have 
never  been  dishonorable — and  I  would  not  for  the  whole 
creation  have  my  name  associated  with  this  infernal  trans- 
ac " 

"  O  Gammon,  Gammon  !  Aren't  you  ashamed  of  yourself? 
Come — honor  among  thieves  !  Be  honest  for  once — 

"Your  conduct  is  so  extraordinary,  Mr.  Quirk,  that  I 
must  request  you  to  leave  my  room,  sir — 

"I  sha'n't — it's  mine,  too,"  quoth  Quirk,  snapping  his  fin- 
gers with  a  desperate  air. 

"Then  I  will,  sir,"  replied  Gammon  with  a  low  bow,  and, 
taking  up  his  hat,  moved  toward  the  door. 

"You  sha'n't,  Gammon — you  mus'n't!"  cried  Quirk,  but 
in  vain — Mr.  Gammon  had  taken  his  final  departure,  leaving 
Mr.  Quirk  on  the  very  verge  of  madness. 

Half  recklessly  and  half  in  furtherance  of  some  designs 
which  he  was  forming,  Gammon  followed  up,  on  the  ensuing- 
morning,  his  move  with  Mr.  Quirk,  by  sending  to  him  and 
to  Mr.  Snap  a  formal  written  notice  of  his  intention  to  retire 
from  the  partnership,  in  conformity  with  the  provisions  of 
their  articles,  at  the  end  of  a  calendar  month  from  the  date ; 
and  he  resolved  to  take  no  part  at  all  in  the  matter  to  which 
Mr.  Quirk's  attention  had  been  so  sternly  challenged  by  the 
Court  of  the  King's  Bench — leaving  Mr.  Quirk  to  struggle 
through  it  as  best  he  might.  But  what  was  Mr.  Gammon  to 
do?  He  could  not  stir  a  step  in  any  direction  for  want  of 
money — getting  every  hour  more  and  more  involved  and 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


447 


harassed  on  this  score.  The  Ecclesiastical  suit  he  had  given 
up,  and  Mr.  Quod  had  instantly  sent  in  his  heavy  bill,  re- 
quiring immediate  payment — reminding  Mr.  Gammon  that 
he  had  pledged  himself  to  see  him  paid,  whatever  might  be 
the  issue.  Here,  again,  was  an  action  of  ejectment,  on  a 
tremendous  scale,  actually  commenced,  and  being  vigorously 
carried  on  for  the  recovery  of  every  acre  of  the  Yatton  prop- 
Come  —  1  ionor 
•among  thieves  " 


erty.  Was  it  to  be  resisted  ?  Where  were  the  funds  ?  Here  he 
was,  again,  already  a  defendant  in  four  indictments,  char- 
ging fraud  and  conspiracy — proceedings  entailing  a  most  de- 
structive expense. 

As  for  the  balance  of  the  bill  against  Mr.  Aubrey,  that 
was  melting  away  hourly  in  the  taxing  office;  and  the 
undoubted  result  would  be  an  action  against  them,  at  the 
suit  of  Mr.  Aubrey,  for  a  malicious  arrest.  Was  it  possible, 
thought  Gammon,  to  make  the  two  promissory  notes  of 
Mr.  Aubrey  available,  by  discontinuing  the  actions,  and 
indorsing  over  the  notes  at  a  heavy  discount?  He  took  an 
opinion  upon  the  point — which  was  to  the  effect  that  such  a 


448  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

step  could  riot  be  taken,  so  as  to  give  any  third  party  a 
better  right  against  Mr.  Aubrey  than  Mr.  Titmouse  had. 

Mr.  Gammon  saw  that  Mr.  Aubrey's  position  was  already  im- 
pregnable, and  the  notion  of  a  compromise  utterly  ridiculous. 

As  for  resources  of  his  own,  he  had  none,  for  he  had  been 
exceedingly  unfortunate,  and  had  suffered  severely  through 
his  connection  with  one  or  two  of  the  bubble  companies  of 
the  day.  To  the  vexation  occasioned  by  this  direct  pecuniary 
embarrassment,  and  by  the  impossibility  of  retrieving  him- 
self by  a  move  in  any  direction — being,  in  short,  in  a  com- 
plete deadlock — were  to  be  added  other  sources  of  exquisite 
anxiety  and  mortification.  To  say  nothing  of  the  perilous 
legal  and  criminal  liabilities  which  he  had  incurred,  the  con- 
sciousness of  his  appearing  an  atrocious  liar,  and  indeed  an 
impostor,  in  the  eyes  of  the  Duke  of  Tantallan,  of  the  Earl 
of  Dreddlington,  of  Miss  Macspleuchan,  of  the  Aubreys,  of 
Miss  Aubrey — in  fact,  of  every  one  who  saw  or  heard  of  what 
he  had  done — stung  him  almost  to  madness;  considerations 
of  this  kind  were  infinitely  more  insupportable  than  all  the 
others  by  which  he  was  oppressed,  put  together.  In  short,  it 
must  surely  appear,  by  this  time,  that  the  Devil  had,  in  his 
dismal  sport,  got  his  friend,  Mr.  Gammon,  up  into  a  corner. 

In  a  like  manner  Mr.  Titmouse  had  his  lesser  troubles — for 
he  was  all  of  a  sudden  reduced  very  nearly  to  the  verge  of 
literal  starvation.  Actions  were  commenced  against  him  by 
the  three  Jews,  on  his  covenants  to  repay  the  principal  and 
interest  due  on  the  mortgages;  half  a  dozen  actions  were 
pending  against  him  on  bills  of  exchange  and  promissory 
notes,  which  he  had  given  for  various  sums  of  money,  which 
had  been  lent  him  on  terms  of  the  most  monstrous  usury. 
Scarcely  was  there  a  single  tradesman  in  town  or  country 
with  whom  he  had  ever  dealt  that  had  not  sued  or  was 
not  about  to  sue  him.  Every  article  of  furniture  both  at 
Yatton  and  at  his  lodgings— great  or  small,  cabs,  harness, 
horses — all  had  disappeared;  and,  but  for  the  protection 
afforded  to  his  person  by  privilege  of  Parliament,  he  would 
have  been  pounced  upon  by  at  least  a  hundred  ravenous 
and  infuriate  creditors  in  an  instant,  and  never  been  seen 
or  heard  of  any  more,  except  on  the  occasion  of  some  feeble 
and  vain  cry  for  relief  under  the  Insolvent  Debtors'  Act. 

He  had  been  obliged,  on  coming  up  from  Yatton,  to  borrow 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  449 

five  pounds  from  poor  Dr.  Tatham !  — who,  tho  infinitely 
surprised  at  the  application,  and  greatly  inconvenienced 
by  compliance  with  it,  lent  him  cheerfully  the  sum  he  asked 
for;  Titmouse,  the  little  scamp,  pledging  himself  to  enclose 
the  Doctor  a  five-pound  note  by  the  first  post  after  his 
reaching  Town.  That,  however,  even  had  he  ever  intended 
giving  the  matter  a  thought,  he  could  no  more  have  done 
than  he  could  have  sent  Dr.  Tatham  the  miter  of  the  Arch- 
bishop of  Canterbury;  in  consequence  of  which  the  worthy 
little  doctor  was  obliged  to  postpone  his  long-meditated 
purchase  of  a  black  coat  and  breeches  indefinitely.  The 
morning  after  Titmouse's  return,  he  betook  himself  to  Saffron 
Hill,  which  he  reached  just  as  Mr.  Quirk  and  Mr.  Snap,  de- 
serted by  Mr.  Gammon,  were  endeavoring,  in  great  tribula- 
tion and  terror,  to  concoct  affidavits  in  answer  to  those  on 
which  the  rule  in  the  Court  of  King's  Bench  had  been  obtained. 
The  clerk  with  a  little  hesitation,  yielding  to  his  importuni- 
ties, allowed  him  to  go  into  Mr.  Quirk's  room. 

"O  Lud!  O  Lud! — you — you — you — infernal  little  villain!" 
cried  out  Mr.  Quirk,  hastily  approaching  him,  pale  and 
stuttering  with  fury — and,  taking  him  by  the  collar,  turned 
him  by  main  force  out  of  the  room. 

"I  say! — I  say! — Come,  sir!  I'm  a  member  of — 

"I'll  member  you,  you  impostor!  Get  out  with  you! — get 
out!" 

"  So  help  me — !  I'll  go  to  some  other  attor —  "  gasped 
Titmouse,  ineffectually  struggling  against  Mr.  Quirk. 

"Eugh  ! — Beast!"  exclaimed  Snap,  who  kept  by  the  side  of 
Mr.  Quirk,  ready  to  give  any  assistance  that  might  be  req- 
uisite. 

"What  have  I eh? — What  have  I  done — demme  ! — Come, 

come — hallo  !  hands  off — 

"  If  ever — if  ever — if  ever  you  dare  show  your  cursed  little 
face  here — again,"  sputtered  Mr.  Quirk,  trembling  with  rage. 

"  This  is  a  breach  of  privilege !  On  my  life  I'll — I  really 
will — I'll  complain  to  the  House  to-night."  Then  he  hurried 
to  Thavies'  Inn,  pale  as  death,  and  with  a  tremulous  voice 
inquired  for  Mr.  Gammon;  but  that  gentleman  had  given 
special  orders  to  be  invariably  denied  to  him.  Again  and 
again  he  called — and  was  again  and  again  repulsed ;  and  tho 
he  lingered  on  one  or  two  occasions  for  an  hour  at  least,  in 
29 


450 


TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 


order  to  waylay  Mr.  Gammon,  it  was  in  vain.  Letter  after 
letter  he  sent, -but  with  no  better  effect;  and  at  length  the 
laundress  refused  to  take  them  in. 

Gammon   dared  not  see  Titmouse;  not  because  he  feared 
Titmouse,  but  himself. 


Get  out  wit,hyc«*  — Get  out  ! 

Finding  that  those  whom  he  had  till  then  imagined  bound 
to  consider  his  interests  had,  in  so  unprincipled  and  un- 
grateful a  manner,  deserted  him,  Titmouse  resolved  to  be 
true  to  himself,  and  bent  all  the  powers  of  his  mind  to  the 
contemplation  of  his  present  circumstances,  and  how  he 
should  act  with  advantage.  After  due  and  deep  reflection,  a 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  451 

very  felicitous  stroke  occurred  to  him.  He  did  not  know  the 
exact  state  of  the  question  with  reference  to  the  right  to 
the  possession  of  Yatton — little  dreaming  that,  in  point  of 
fact,  Mr.  Aubrey  was  at  that  moment  virtually  reinstated  in 
the  enjoyment  of  that  fine  estate.  Now,  it  occurred  to  Mr. 
Titmouse  as  very  probable  that  his  opponent  would  catch 
at  any  fair  offer  of  a  compromise,  since  he — Titmouse — had 
unquestionably  the  advantage  over  him  at  present,  having 
nine-tenths  of  the  law  on  his  side — viz.,  possession;  and  if  he 
were  to  propose  to  split  their  differences  by  making  an  offer 
of  his  hand  and  heart  to  Miss  Aubrey,  it  could  do  no  harm, 
and  might  be  attended  with  the  happiest  results.  In  short,  I 
am  able  to  give  the  reader  an  exact  copy  of  a  letter  which,  after 
infinite  pains,  two  days  being  spent  over  it,  he  sent  to  Miss 
Aubrey.  Here  follows  that  skilful  and  touching  performance  : 

"  House  of  Comons, 
'•'•Wednesday  Nov. — ,  18 — . 
"  (Private.} 

"  Madam, — hoping  That  this  Will  not  Disapoint  you  Through 
Strangeness  (which  I  own  Looks  Somewhat  So)  at  First  sight 
of  my  adressing  This  Epistle  to  you,  to  Say  Ever  since  I 
Have  had  The  unhapiness  to  be  a  Widdower  Since  the  Death 
of  Lady  Cecilia  Titmouse  of  which  There  Is  Many  False  ac- 
counts Every  thing  Goes  Entirely  Wrong  (For  the  present) 
with  me,  all  For  Want  of  a  Lady  Which  wd  feel  That  Conu- 
bial  Interest  in  me  That  is  So  delightful  In  The  Married 
State.  I  know  It  is  In  Dispute  whr.  yr.  respectable  Brother 
or  I  are  Owners  of  Yatton  You  See  The  Law  which  Gave  It 
me  Once  may  Give  it  Me  Again  and  No  Mistake — who  knows 
(in  this  uncertain  Life)  whatever  Turns  Up  I  can  (Betwixt 
Ourselves)  assure  You  There  Is  Something  In  The  Wind  For 
me  wh.  dare  not  Say  More  Of  at  this  Present.  But  Suppos- 
ing You  &  I  shall  Hit  it  what  Say  You  if  I  should  Propose 
dividing  The  Estate  betwixt  Him  &  Me  &  Settling  All  my 
Half  on  You  And  as  To  the  Title  (wh.  at  present  I  Am  Next 
to)  what  say  You  To  your  Brother  and  I  Tossing  up  for 
it  When  It  comes  for  I  am  Sorry  to  hear  His  Lordship  is 
breaking,  and  I  know  Who  I  shd.  Like  to  see  Lady  Drelin- 
tourt,  oh  what  a  hapiness  Only  To  think  Of,  As  They  are 
dividing  very  soon  (And  they  Do  Run  It  Uncommon  fine, 
But  Ministers  Must  Be  Supported  or  the  Country  Will  Go  to 


452  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

the  Devil  Dogs)  Must  Close  Begging  an  answer  directed  to 
Me  Here,  and  Subscribe  Myself, 

"  Hnd    and  dear  Madam, 

"Yrs.  Most  Obediently, 

"T.  TITMOUSE." 

"I  hope,  Kate,  you  have  not  been  giving  this  gentleman 
encouragement!"  quoth  Delamere,  when  he  had  read  the 
above.  It  formed  a  topic  of  pleasant  merriment  when  they 
all  met  at  dinner.  Mr.  Aubrey  had  returned  from  Town  with 
important  intelligence. 

"  Mr.  Runnington  is  steadily  unraveling,"  said  he,  as  they 
sat  in  unrestrained  converse  after  dinner,  "one  of  the  most 
monstrous  tissues  of  fraud  that  ever  was  woven  by  man  ! 
We  sometimes  imagine  that  Mr.  Gammon  must  have  had  in 
view  the  securing  Yatton  for  himself!  The  firm  of  Messrs. 
Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap  are  completely  overwhelmed  with 
the  consequences  of  their  abominable  conduct !  I  understand 
they  have  terribly  taken  in  the  Jews — to  the  amount  of 
at  least  seventy  or  eighty  thousand  pounds  of  hard  cash ; 
one  of  them,  it  seems,  on  discovering  that  he  has  no 
security,  very  nearly  succeeded  in  hanging  himself  the  other 
day!" 

"What's  this  I  see  in  the  paper  about  a  Mr.  Tag-rag?" 
inquired  Lord  De  la  Zouch;  and  Mr.  Aubrey  told  him  the 
miserable  condition  to  which  Tag-rag  had  been  reduced  by 
the  alleged  chicanery  of  the  firm  of  Quirk,  Gammon,  and  Snap. 

"Mr.  Runnington  seems  to  be  managing  matters  with 
great  vigor  and  skill,"  said  his  lordship. 

"  Admirably  !  admirably  !  I  never  in  my  life  saw  or  heard 
of  such  complete  success  as  attends  every  step  he  takes 
against  the  enemy;  he  is  hourly  pressing  them  nearer  and 
nearer  to  the  verge  of  the  precipice,  and  cutting  off  all  re- 
treat. They  would  fight,  but  they  have  no  funds !  Look  at 
the  administration  suit!"  Mr.  Aubrey  then  proceeded  to 
mention  two  very  important  circumstances  which  had  tran- 
spired since  his  former  visit  to  town.  First,  an  offer  was 
understood  to  have  come  direct  from  Mr.  Gammon,  to  aban- 
don the  defense  to  the  ejectment,  on  condition  of  his  receiv- 
ing on  behalf  of  Mr.  Titmouse  the  sum  of  two  thousand 
pounds;  but  Mr.  Runnington  had  peremptorily  refused  to 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR 


453 


listen  to  any  proposal  of  the  kind,  and  the  actions  were,  at 
that  moment,  in  full  progress,  with  every  prospect  of  there 


»  •.'».  •>!/•'!.• 


1    Hope  Kikt-e .  'Lh'al.  _you  K'ave  not. 
giv*n  this  gentleman    encouragement.  " 

being  no  real  defense  even  attempted.  The  next  piece  of 
intelligence  was  that  Messrs.  Screw  and  Son,  the  solicitors  to 
the  Vulture  Insurance  Company,  had  called  on  Messrs.  Run- 


454  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

nington,  on  learning  that  they  were  the  solicitors  of  the 
party  to  whom  letters  of  administration  had  been  granted, 
and  intimated  that  the  directors, "  taking  all  the  circumstances 
into  their  consideration,"  had  determined  to  offer  no  further 
opposition  to  the  payment  of  the  policy  on  the  life  of  the 
late  Lady  Stratton.  Thus  was  Kate  no  longer  a  dowerless 
maiden;  having  at  her  absolute  disposal  a  sum  of  thirteen 
thousand  pounds,  in  addition  to  which,  in  the  event  of  their 
being  restored  to  the  possession  of  Yatton,  she  would  be  in 
the  receipt  of  the  income  left  her  as  a  charge  upon  the  state 
by  her  father;  viz.,  five  hundred  a  year. 

While  the  cheering  sunshine  of  returning  prosperity  was 
beaming  upon  the  Aubreys,  the  sun  of  that  proud  and  weak 
old  man,  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington,  was  indeed  going  down 
in  darkness.  The  proceedings  for  the  immediate  recovery  of 
Yatton  had  attracted  far  too  much  of  public  attention  to 
admit  of  their  being  concealed  from  the  Earl,  comparatively 
secluded  from  the  world  as  he  was.  But  the  frightful  con- 
firmation of  his  assertion  concerning  what  had  occurred  be- 
tween himself  and  Mr.  Gammon,  respecting  Titmouse,  ap- 
peared to  make  no  commensurate  impression  upon  a  mind 
no  longer  capable  of  appreciating  it.  He  had  been  seized  by 
a  partial  paralysis  shortly  after  the  last  interview  between 
himself,  Mr.  Gammon,  and  the  Duke  of  Tantallan;  and  it 
was  evident  that  his  reason  was  failing  rapidly.  And  it  was 
perhaps  a  merciful  dispensation,  for  it  appeared  that  the 
cup  of  his  misery  and  mortification  was  not  even  yet  full. 

That  other  monstrous  fabric  of  absurdity  and  fraud,  built 
upon  public  credulity — The  Gunpowder  and  Freshwater  Com- 
pany— suddenly  dropped  to  pieces,  principally  on  account  of 
its  chief  architect,  Mr.  Gammon,  being  unable  to  continue 
that  attention  and  skill  by  which  it  had  been  kept  so  long 
in  existence.  It  suddenly  exploded,  involving  everybody  con- 
cerned in  it  in  ruin. 

The  houses  of  Lord  Dreddlington,  the  Duke  of  Tantallan, 
and  others  were  besieged  by  importunate  creditors;  and  at 
length  a  general  meeting  was  called,  at  which  resolutions 
were  passed,  strongly  reflecting  upon  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington 
and  Mr.  Gammon,  and  directing  the  solicitor  concerned  for 
the  rest  of  the  shareholders  to  file  a  bill  against  the  Earl 
and  Mr.  Gammon  for  the  purpose  of  compelling  them  to 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  455 

pay  all  the  debts  incurred  by  the  company.  More  than  this, 
it  was  threatened  that  unless  satisfactory  proposals  were 
promptly  received  from  or  on  behalf  of  the  Earl  of  Dreddling- 
ton,  he  would  be  proceeded  against  as  a  TRADER  liable  to  the 
bankrupt  laws,  and  a  docket  forthwith  struck  against  him ! 
Of  this  crowning  indignity  impending  over  his  head,  the  poor 
old  peer  was  fortunately  not  conscious,  being  at  that  moment 
resident  at  Poppleton  Hall,  in  a  state  not  far  removed  from 
complete  imbecility.  The  Duke  of  Tantallan  was  similarly 
threatened,  and,  alarmed  and  enraged  almost  to  a  pitch  of 
madness,  resolved  to  take  measures  for  completely  exposing 
and  punishing  the  individual  to  whose  fraudulent  plausibility 
and  sophistries  he  justly  attributed  the  calamity  which  had 
befallen  him  and  the  Earl  of  Dreddlington. 

"  Out  of  this  nettle  danger,  I'll  yet  pluck  the  flower  safety" 
said  Mr.  Gammon  to  himself  as  he  sat  inside  one  of  the 
coaches  going  to  Brighton  toward  the  close  of  the  month  of 
November,  being  on  the  morning  after  the  explosion  of  The 
Gunpowder  and  Freshwater  Company.  His  chambers  were 
besieged  by  applicants  for  admission — Titmouse  among  them, 
whose  senseless  pertinacity,  overheard  by  Gammon  as  he  sat 
within,  while  his  laundress  was  being  daily  worried  by  Tit- 
mouse, several  times  inflamed  him  almost  up  to  the  point  of 
darting  out  and  splitting  open  the  head  of  the  intruder ;  old 
Mr.  Quirk  also  sent  daily  letters,  in  a  piteous  strain,  and 
called  besides  daily,  begging  to  be  reconciled  to  Gammon; 
but  he  sternly  turned  a  deaf  ear  to  all  such  applications. 
In  order  to  escape  this  intolerable  persecution,  at  all  events 
for  a  while,  and,  in  change  of  scene  and  air,  unpropitious  as 
was  the  weather,  to  recruit  his  health  and  spirits,  he  had 
determined  upon  spending  a  week  at  Brighton,  telling  his 
destination,  however,  to  no  one  except  his  old  and  faithful 
laundress,  and  instructing  her  to  say  that  he  was  gone,  she  be- 
lieved, into  Suffolk,  but  would  certainly  return  to  town  within 
a  week.  On  the  evening  of  the  third  day  after  his  arrival,  the 
London  paper,  forwarded  to  him  as  usual  from  the  neigh- 
boring library,  contained  a  paragraph  which  roused  him 
almost  to  madness.  It  was  an  advertisement  that  he  had 
"ABSCONDED,"  and  offering  a  reward  of  £200  to  any  one 
who  would  give  information  by  which  he  might  be  "  discovered 
and  apprehended!" 


456  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

"  Absconded! "  he  exclaimed  aloud,  starting  up,  and  his 
eye  flaming  with  fury ;  "  accursed  miscreants !  I'll  quickly 
undeceive  them."  Instantly  unlocking  his  paper-case,  he 
sat  down  and  wrote  off  a  letter  to  the  editor  of  the  news- 
paper, giving  his  full  name  and  address;  most  indignantly 
denying  that  he  had  attempted  or  dreamed  of  absconding; 
stating  that  he  should  be  in  London  within  forty-eight  hours ; 
and  requiring  that  an  ample  apology  for  the  gross  insult 
and  libel  which  had  been  perpetrated  be  inserted  in  the  next 
number  of  the  paper.  Then  he  wrote  to  his  solicitor,  Mr. 
Winnington,  and  to  Mr.  Runnington,  to  a  similar  effect. 
Then  he  secured  a  place  in  that  night's  mail,  which  was 
starting  for  Town  at  half-past  eight  o'clock.  Greatly  to  the 
surprise  of  his  laundress,  he  made  his  appearance  at  his 
chambers  between  six  and  seven  o'clock  in  the  morning, 
rousing  her  from  bed.  As  soon  as  his  lamp  had  been  lit,  he 
opened  his  paper-case  and  wrote  the  following  letter  to  an 
old  friend  of  his  : 

"  Thavies'  Inn,   Wednesday  Morning. 

"  DEAR  HARTLEY  :  As  I  have  not  missed  an  annual  meeting 
of  our  little  club  for  these  ten  years,  I  shall  be  found  at  my 
place  to-night  at  nine,  to  a  moment :  that  is,  by  the  way, 
if  I  shall  be  admitted,  after  the  execrable  advertisement 
concerning  me  which  appeared  in  yesterday's  papers — the 
writer  of  which  I  will  give  cause,  if  I  can  discover  him,  to 
repent  to  the  latest  day  he  lives.  I  came  up  this'  morning 
suddenly,  to  refute,  by  my  presence  and  by  my  acts,  the 
villainous  falsehoods  about  my  absconding.  Entre  nous,  I 
am  somewhat  puzzled,  just  now,  certainly — but  never  fear ! 
I  shall  find  a  way  out  of  the  wood  yet.  Expect  me  at  nine, 
to  a  minute. — Yours  as  ever, 

"O.  GAMMON. 

"HARRY  HARTLEY,  Esq. 

"  Kensington  Square." 

This  he  sealed  and  directed,  and,  requesting  his  laundress 
to  put  it  into  the  office  in  time  for  the  first  post,  without 
fail,  he  got  into  bed,  and  slept  for  a  couple  of  hours,  when 
he  awoke  somewhat  refreshed,  made  his  toilet  as  usual,  and 
partook  of  a  light  breakfast. 

"  You  did  not  suppose  I  had  absconded,  Mrs.  Brown,  eh?" 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  457 

he  inquired,  with  a  melancholy  smile,  as  she  removed  his 
breakfast  things. 

"No,  sir;  indeed  I  did  not  believe  a  word  of  it — you've 

always  been  a  kind  and  just  master  to  me,  sir — and "  she 

raised  her  apron  to  her  eyes  and  sobbed. 

"  And  I  hope  long  to  continue  so,  Mrs.  Brown.  By  the 
way,  were  not  your  wages  due  a  day  or  two  ago?" 

"  Oh,  yes  !  sir — but  it  does  not  signify,  sir,  the  least ;  tho 
on  second  thoughts — it  does,  sir;  for  my  little  niece  is  to  be 
taken  into  the  country — she's  dying,  I  fear — and  her  mother's 
been  out  of  work  for — 

"Here's  a  ten-pound  note,  Mrs.  Brown,"  replied  Gammon, 
taking  one  from  his  pocket-book;  "  pay  yourself  your  wages; 
write  me  a  receipt  as  usual,  and  keep  the  rest  on  account  of 
the  next  quarter's  wages  if  it  will  assist  you  just  now." 
She  took  the  bank-note  with  many  expressions  of  thankful- 
ness; and  but  for  her  tears,  which  flowed  plentifully,  she 
might  have  noticed  that  there  was  something  deadly  in  the 
eye'  of  her  kind  tranquil  master.  .  On  her  retiring,  he  rose 
and  walked  to  and  fro  for  a  long  time,  with  folded  arms, 
wrapped  in  profound  meditation,  from  which  he  was  occasion- 
ally unpleasantly  startled  by  hearing  knocks  at  his  door, 
and  then  his  laundress  assuring  the  visitor  that  Mr.  Gammon 
was  out  of  town,  but  would  return  on  the  morrow. 

It  was  a  cheerless  November  day,  the  snow  fluttering  lazily 
through  the  foggy  air;  but  his  room  was  made  snug  and 
cheerful  enough,  by  the  large  fire  which  he  kept  up.  Opening 
his  desk,  he  sat  down,  about  noon,  and  wrote  a  very  long 
letter — in  the  course  of  which,  however,  he  repeatedly  laid 
down  his  pen — got  up  and  walked  to  and  fro,  heaving  deep 
sighs,  and  being  occasionally  exceedingly  agitated.  At  length 
he  concluded  the  letter,  paused  some  time,  then  folded  it  up 
and  sealed  it.  Then  he  spent  at  least  two  hours  in  going 
over  all  the  papers  in  his  desk  and  cabinet;  a  considerable 
number  of  them  he  burnt,  and  replaced  and  arranged  the 
remainder  carefully.  Then  again  he  walked  to  and  fro.  The 
cat,  a  very  fine  and  favorite  cat,  one  which  had  been  several 
years  an  inmate  of  the  chambers,  attracted  his  attention,  by 
rubbing  against  his  legs.  "Poor  puss!"  he  exclaimed,  stro- 
king her  fondly  on  the  back;  and,  after  a  while,  the  glossy 
creature  sidled  away,  as  it  were  reluctantly,  from  his  caress- 


458  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

ing  hand,  and  lay  comfortably  coiled  up  on  the  hearth-rug, 
as  before. 

Again  he  walked  to  and  fro,  absorbed  in  melancholy  reflec- 
tion for  some  time,  from  which  he  was  aroused,  about  five, 
by  Mrs.  Brown  bringing  in  the  spare  dinner,  which,  having 
barely  tasted,  he  soon  dismissed,  telling  Mrs.  Brown  that  he 
felt  a  strange  shooting  pain  in  his  head,  but  doubted  not 
his  being  well  enough  to  keep  his  appointment  at  the  club — 
as  she  knew  had  been  his  habit  for  years.  He  requested  her 
to  have  his  dressing-room  ready  by  quarter  to  eight,  and 
a  coach  fetched  by  eight  o'clock  precisely;  and  as  soon  as 
she  had  withdrawn,  he  sat  down  and  wrote  the  following 
letter  to  the  oldest  and  most  devoted  personal  friend  he  had 
in  the  world  : 


"  MY  DEAR  :  I  entreat  you,  by  our  long  unbroken 

friendship,  to  keep  the  enclosed  letter  by  you  for  a  fortnight; 
and  then,  with  your  own  hand,  and  alone,  deliver  it  to  the 
individual  to  whom  it  is  addressed.  Burn  this  note  to  you 
the  instant  you  shall  have  read  it — and  take  care  that  no 
eye  sees  the  enclosed  but  hers — or  all  my  efforts  to  secure  a 
little  provision  for  her  will  be  frustrated.  In  the  corner  of 
the  top  drawer  of  my  cabinet  will  be  found,  folded  up,  a  docu- 
ment referred  to  in  the  enclosed  letter — in  fact,  my  will— and 
which  I  wish  you,  as  an  old  friend,  to  take  the  very  earliest 
opportunity  of  discovering,  accidentally.  You  will  find  the 
date  all  correct,  and  safe.  Call  here  to-morrow — at  any  hour 
you  please — and  say  that  you  have  called  to  see  me,  accord- 
ing to  my  appointment.  Bear  this  in  mind,  by  the  value  you 
set  upon  my  friendship.  Whatever  you  may  then  see  or  hear, 
be  firm  and  prudent.  O.  G. 

"  Wednesday." 

In  this  letter  he  enclosed  the  long  letter  already  spoken  of, 
and  having  sealed  and  directed  the  whole  with  elaborate 
distinctness  he  threw  his  cloak  round  him  and  went  with 
his  packet  to  the  post-office,  and  with  his  own  hand,  after 
an  instant's  hesitation,  dropped  it  into  the  box  and  returned 
to  his  chambers. 

Then  he  took  another  sheet  of  paper  and  wrote  thus  : 


OR  TEN  THOUSAND  A  YEAR  459 

"  DEAR  VIPER  :  I  doubt  whether,  after  all,  there  will  be  a 
dissolution;  but,  at  any  rate,  I  will  perform  my  promise, 
and  be  ready  with  what  you  wish  for  Sunday  week. — Yours 
ever.  O.  G. 

"  P.S. — I  shall  call  on  you  on  Saturday." 

This  he  folded  up  and  directed,  and  proceeded  to  com- 
mence the  following : 

"  Thames'  Inn,   Wednesday. 

"  DEAR  SIR  :  I  have  finally  determined  to  make  every  sacri- 
fice in  order  to  extricate  myself,  with  honor,  from  my  present 
embarrassments.  You  will,  therefore,  as  soon  as  you  get 
this,  please  to  sell  out  all  my —  Here  he  laid  down  his  pen ; 
and  Mrs.  Brown  presently  announcing  that  everything  was 
ready  in  his  dressing-room,  he  thanked  her,  and  proceeded 
to  shave  and  dress.  He  was  not  more  than  a  quarter  of  an 
hour  over  his  toilet.  He  had  put  on  his  usual  evening  dress 
— his  blue  body-coat,  black  trousers,  a  plain  shirt  and  black 
stock,  and  a  white  waistcoat — scarcely  whiter,  however,  than 
the  face  of  him  that  wore  it. 

"  I  am  going  for  the  coach  now,  sir,"  said  Mrs.  Brown, 
knocking  at  the  door. 

"  If  you  please,"  he  replied  briskly  and  cheerfully — and  the 
instant  that  he  had  heard  her  close  the  outer  door  after  her, 
he  opened  the  secret  spring  drawer  in  his  desk,  and  took  out 
a  very  small  glass  vial,  with  a  glass  stopper,  over  which 
was  tied  some  bladder  to  preserve  its  contents  from  the  air. 
His  face  was  ghastly  pale;  his  knees  trembled;  his  hands  were 
cold  and  damp  as  those  of  the  dead.  He  took  a  strong 
peppermint  lozenge  from  the  mantel-piece  and  chewed  it 
while  he  removed  the  stopper  from  the  bottle,  which  con- 
tained about  half  a  dram  of  the  most  subtile  and  potent 
poison  which  has  been  discovered  by  man — one  extinguishing 
life  almost  instantaneously,  and  leaving  no  trace  of  its 
presence  except  a  slight  odor,  which  he  had  taken  the  pre- 
caution of  masking  and  overpowering  with  that  of  the  pep- 
permint. He  returned  to  get  his  hat,  which  was  in  his  dress- 
ing-room ;  he  put  it  on — and  in  glancing  at  the  glass,  scarcely 
recognized  the  ghastly  image  it  reflected. 

His  object  was  to  complete  the  deception  he  intended  prac- 
tising on  the  insurance  company,  with  whom  he  had  effected 


46o  TITTLEBAT  TITiMOUSE 

a  policy  on  his  life  for  £2,000 — and  also  to  deceive  everybody 
into  the  notion  of  his  having  died  suddenly,  but  naturally. 
Having  stirred  up  the  large  red  fire,  and  made  a  kind  of 
hollow  in  it,  he  took  out  the  stopper,  and  dropped  it  with 
the  bladder,  into  the  fire;  hesitated  a  moment,  glanced 
fearfully  about  him,  then  stepped  closer  to  the  fender; 
uttered  aloud  the  word  "Emma;"  poured  the  whole  of  the 
deadly  contents  into  his  mouth,  and  succeeded  in  dropping 
the  vial  into  the  very  heart  of  the  fire — falling  down  the 
next  instant  on  the  hearth-rug,  oblivous,  insensible — dead. 
However  it  might  have  been,  that  the  instant  after  he  had 
done  this  direful  deed,  he  would  have  GIVEN  THE  WHOLE 
UNIVERSE,  had  it  been  his,  to  have  undone  what  he  had  done — 
he  had  succeeded,  for  the  present,  in  effecting  his  object. 

Poor  Mrs.  Brown's  terror,  on  discovering  her  master 
stretched  senseless  on  the  floor — his  hat  pushed  partly  down 
over  his  eyes  in  the  act  of  falling — may  be  imagined.  Medi- 
cal assistance  was  called  in,  but  only  to  announce  that  "  the 
vital  spark  had  fled."  It  was  clearly  either  apoplexy,  said  the 
intelligent  medical  man,  or  an  organic  disease  of  the  heart." 

Of  this  opinion  were  the  coroner  and  his  jury,  without 
hesitation.  The  deceased  had  evidently  been  seized  while  in 
the  very  act  of  writing  to  some  broker.  (Gammon,  for  all 
he  had  written  that  letter,  had  no  more  "stock"  of  any  sort 
than  the  cat  which  had  witnessed,  and  been  for  a  moment 
disturbed  by,  his  death.)  Mr.  Hartley  came,  and  produced 
the  letter  he  had  received,  and  spoke  of  the  disappointment 
they  had  all  felt  on  account  of  Mr.  Gammon's  non-arrival : 
the  other  letters — the  appointments  which  he  had  made  for 
the  morrow — the  evidence  which  he  had  taken  care  to  enable 
his  laundress  to  give — all  these  things  were  decisive — it  was 
really  "scarcely  a  case  requiring  an  inquest";  but  as  they 
had  been  called,  they  returned  a  verdict  of  "  Died  by  the 
Visitation  of  God."  He  was  buried  a  few  days  afterward 
in  the  adjoining  churchyard  (St.  Andrew's),  where  he  lies 
moldering  away  quietly  enough,  certainly;  but  whether  (in 
the  language  of  the  solemn  and  sublime  burial-service  which 
his  sorrowful  friend  had  procured  to  be  read  over  his  re- 
mains), "in  sure  and  certain  hope  of  the  resurrection  to  etearnl 
life,  through  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ"  is  another  and  a  fearful 
question. 


Succeeded  in  droppind 
the  V17J  into  the  very 
he-art  of  the  fire 


A«fltev 


462  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

His  "friend"  was  faithful  and  discreet,  obeying  his  injunc- 
tions to  the  letter.  The  "  individual"  alluded  to  in  Mr.  Gam- 
mon's note  to  him  was  a  beautiful  girl  whom  Mr.  Gammon 
had  seduced  under  a  solemn  promise  of  marriage;  who  was 
passionately  attached  to  him;  whose  name  he  had  uttered 
when  on  the  eve  of  death;  and  to  whom  he  had,  some  six 
months  before,  bequeathed  the  amount  of  his  policy — his  will 
being  witnessed  by  Mary  Brown,  his  housekeeper.  Tho  his 
creditors  were,  of  course,  entitled  to  every  farthing  of  the 
£2,000,  out  of  which  he  had  so  artfully  swindled  the  insur- 
ance company,  they  generously  allowed  her,  in  consideration 
of  her  peculiar  and  melancholy  situation,  to  receive  the  sum 
of  ;£i,ooo ! 

» 

There  is  little  more  to  chronicle  concerning  the  persons  in 
this  veracious  history.  The  settlement  of  the  suit  about 
Lady  Stratton's  will  in  the  Ecclesiastical  Court  put  Mr.  Au- 
brey in  possession  of  Yatton  again,  and  the  speedy  and, 
under  all  the  circumstances,  fortunate  death  of  the  old, 
broken,  crazed,  bankrupt  Earl  of  Dreddlington  made  Mr. 
Aubrey  Lord  Drelincourt. 

When  poor  Mr.  Titmouse  lost  his  immunity  from  arrest  on 
the  dissolution  of  Parliament  he  was  immediately  thrown 
into  prison  by  the  infuriated  money-lenders.  After  serving  a 
term  of  some  eighteen  months  he  was  released  through  the 
operations  of  the  Bankruptcy  Act.  His  dissipation  and  his 
misfortunes  had  shattered  the  little  mind  he  originally  pos- 
sessed. Epilepsy  was  succeeded  by  a  harmless  form  of  lunacy, 
and  the  poor,  wretched  little  man  dragged  out  a  vacant, 
if  peaceful,  existence  for  a  few  years  in  a  private  asylum  at 
the  charges  of  Lord  Drelincourt. 

Mr.  Quirk,  completely  broken  by  the  death  of  Gammon 
and  the  accumulation  of  difficulties  in  which  his  daring  and 
villainous  partner  had  plunged  the  firm,  speedily  departed 
this  life.  Before  he  died,  however,  he  had  the  satisfaction — 
if  such  it  was — of  seeing  his  daughter  Dora  united  in  matri- 
mony to  the  enterprising  Mr.  Snap — a  sad  end,  indeed,  to  all 
his  dreams ! 


EPILOGUE 

IN  WHICH  IS  HEARD  THE  SOUND  OF  WEDDING  BELLS 

HERE  is  a  heavenly  morning  in  June,  and  as  Catherine  Au- 
brey hath  passed  a  strange,  restless  night,  she  is  at  length 
closing  jher  eyes  in  sleep;  nothing  is  to  be  heard  stirring, 
save  yonder  lark  that  is  carrying  his  song  higher  and  higher 
out  of  hearing  every  moment,  and  she  will  sleep  for  a  while 

undisturbed. 

******* 

But  now,  rise,  Kate !  rise !  It  is  your  wedding  morning ! 
Early  tho  it  be,  here  are  your  fair  bridesmaids  seeking  ad- 
mittance, to  deck  you  in  your  bridal  robes !  Sweet  Kate, 
why  turn  so  pale  and  tremble  so  violently?  Cannot  these 
three  beautiful  girls,  who,  like  the  Graces,  are  arraying  you 
as  becomes  your  loveliness,  with  all  their  innocent  arts  and 
archness  provoke  one  smile  on  your  pale  cheek  ?  Weep,  then, 
if  such  be  your  humor;  for  it  is  the  overflowing  of  joy,  and 
will  relieve  your  heart! — But  hasten!  hasten!  your  lover  is 
below,  impatient  to  clasp  you  in  his  arms!  The  maids  of 
the  village  have  been  up  with  the  sun  gathering  sweet  flowers 
to  scatter  on  your  way  to  the  altar !  Hark  how  merrily 
ring  the  bells  of  Yatton  church !  — Nearer  and  nearer  comes 
the  hour  which  can  not  be  delayed;  and  why,  blushing  and 
trembling  maiden,  should  you  dread  its  approach?  Hark — 
carriage  after  carriage  is  coming  crashing  up  to  the  Hall !  — 
Now  your  maidens  are  placing  on  your  beautiful  brow  the 
orange  blossoms — and  a  long  flowing  graceful  veil  shall  con- 
ceal your  blushes! — Now,  at  length,  she  descends — and  sinks 
into  the  arms  of  a  fond  and  noble  brother,  whose  heart  is 
too  full  for  speech,  as  is  that  of  her  sister !  Shrink  not,  my 
beauteous  Kate,  from  your  lover,  who  approaches  you,  see 
how  tenderly  and  delicately  !  Is  he  not  one  whom  a  maiden 
may  be  proud  of?  See  the  troops  of  friends  that  are  waiting 
to  attend  you  and  do  you  honor !  Everywhere  that  the 
eye  looks  are  glistening  gay  wedding-favors,  emblems  of 


464  TITTLEBAT  TITMOUSE 

innocence  and  joy.  Come,  Kate — your  brother  waits ;  you  go 
with  him  to  church,  but  you  will  come  back  with  ANOTHER  ! 
Dr.  Tatham,  the  venerable  minister  of  God,  that  loves  you 
as  a  father,  is  awaiting  your  arrival !  What  a  brilliant 
throng  is  in  that  little  church ! 

Now  her  beautiful  form  is  standing  at  the  altar,  beside  her 
manly  lover,  and  the  solemn  ceremony  has  commenced  which 
is  to  unite,  with  Heaven's  awful  sanction,  these  two  young 
and  happy  and  virtuous  hearts ! 

'Tis  done!  Kate  Aubrey!  Kate  Aubrey,  where  are  you? 
She  is  no  more — but  MRS.  DELAMERE  is  sitting  blushing 
and  sobbing  beside  her  husband,  he  elate  with  pride  and 
fondness,  as  they  drive  rapidly  back  to  the  Hall.  In  vain 
glances  her  eye  at  that  splendid  banquet,  as  it  shrinks  also 
timidly  from  the  glittering  array  of  guests  seated  around  it 
— and  she  soon  retires  with  her  maidens  to  prepare  for  her 
agitating  journey ! 

Well — they  are  gone !  My  pure  and  lovely  Kate  is  gone ! 
'Tis  hard  to  part  with  her !  But  blessings  attend  her ! 
Blessings  attend  you  both !  You  cannot  forget  dear  YAT- 
TON,  where  all  that  is  virtuous  and  noble  will  ever  with  open 
arms  receive  you.  , 

And  now,  dear  friends !  farewell  for  many  a  day ! 
If  e'er  we  meet  again,  I  cannot  say. 
Together  have  we  travel'd  two  long  years, 
And  mingled  sometimes  smiles,  and  sometimes  tears ! 
Now  droops  my  weary  hand,  and  swells  my  heart — 
I  fear,  good  friends !  we  must  forever  part. 
Forgive  my  many  faults !  and  say  of  me, 
He  hath  meant  well,  who  writ  this  history. 


,^-^HERN  REGOW  LIBRAHV  FACILITY 


A     000  036  274     9 


